[3G01] The Springfield Files

The Springfield Files                                 Written by Reid Harrison
                                                 Directed by Steven Dean Moore
Production code: 3G01                       Original Airdate on FOX: 12-Jan-97
Capsule revision A, 5-Jul-97

"TV Guide" Synopsis

Homer's claim of an alien sighting (after 10 beers) brings town-wide disdain -- and FBI agents Scully and Mulder to investigate. {btg}

Title sequence

[first complete opening since 2F32 on April 1995 --ed] Blackboard :- The truth is not out there The truth is not/ at cutoff. Lisa's Solo:- Very fragmented, recycled from 9F07 [and possibly 8F09/8F17 as well, could anyone with this solo compare? --ed] Couch :- Homer, Marge, Bart and Lisa fly in the room with backpack rockets and sit on the couch. Maggie flies in more wildly, makes a few loops, and lands on Marge's lap.

Did you notice...

... Mrs. Glick is now in the Springfield Retirement Castle instead of the house she lived in in 7F21? ... Fox Mulder is in a bikini in his FBI badge photo? ... Fat Tony's mugshot in Police Chief Wiggum's office? ... all of the camping equipment is property of Ned Flanders? Dale G. Abersold: ... both "Bleeding Gums" Murphy and Dr. Marvin Monroe appear in the opening sequence, even though they've both been dead for over a year? ... this is the first episode written by Reid Harrison? ... Mrs. Glick is in the Springfield Retirement Castle now? ... Devil's Tower and crop circles on the front and back covers of "Junior Skeptic Magazine"? ... the "No Fat Alien Chicks" t-shirts? Stephan Bonneville: ... the vulgarities in the breakfast scene? ... Homer has fourteen marshmallows on his stick? ... it only takes Moe and a couple of others to lift a whale? ... the FBI has a Springfield branch? Frederic Briere: ... the "Ladies Night Tues" sign at Moe's? ... the Springfield FBI branch building has escaped the "El Barto" plague? ... the camera's birthday tag was captured in Nimoy's illustration? ... the overhead mike when Nimoy runs away? Vince Chan: ... Homer's shirt said "sit on it"? ... Homer drank out of a bottle instead of a beer mug? James R. Curry: ... Leonard Nimoy has a skull and a cobweb on his desk? ... the lights appear to be on in the music store next door to Moe's at 1 am? ... Moe cares enough to give Homer the breathalyzer test? ... someone, somewhere, has actually paid for a giant billboard simply reading "DIET"? ... the excellent moving shadows effect when the 'alien' emerges from the trees? ... Chief Wiggum has a half eaten doughnut on his desk, and apparently rests his arms on it? ... Bart is still up after Marge is in bed? Joshua Fruhlinger: ... Moe has a penchant for black-and-white endangered species? (First the pandas in "Cape Feare," now the killer whale.) ... Scully wanders off, rolling her eyes, during Mulder's rant? ... Leonard Nimoy joins Troy McClure as someone who both coexists with The Simpsons characters, and at other times treats them as fictional? ... despite having the funds to hire the best medical care, Burns has Dr. Nick on his medical staff? (It seems to me that this would be equivalent to having Lionel Hutz on his legal staff.) Don Del Grande: ... in the alien lineup were Marvin the Martian (from Warner Brothers), Gort (from "The Day The Earth Stood Still"), Chewbacca (from "Star Wars"), ALF, and either Kang or Kodos? ... the front of Homer's work area is now clear, unlike 2F10 (where the "demotivational plaque" was)? ... this is the first time Marge calls Snowball II "bad cat"? ... there was a glass on Maggie's high chair? (Since when does Maggie use a glass?) ... Homer has an analog alarm clock on his side of the bed, while Marge has a digital one on hers? ... Springfield is in "the heartland of America", which is not exactly hurricane country? ... while most cameo characters have white skin, Mulder and Scully are the same yellow that the Simpsons are? ... Bart has slippers? (I'm pretty sure this is the first time he's worn them) ... Lisa is unimpressed by the video tape? ... Mulder knocked on the Simpson door with his left hand? Jason Hancock: ... the video game sound as Donkey Kong lifts and throws the barrel? ... the Terminator, "My Dinner With Andre," and the Panamanian Strongman video games behind Milhouse? ... the black coffee mug with the white "X" next to Scully's computer? ... this is the first time Kang (or Kodos) has appeared in a non-Treehouse of Horror episode? ... this is the Generic Teenager's first speaking role since "Bart the Fink" (3F12)? ... Apu, a vegetarian, is at the hot dog stand? ... in the end, Chewbacca and Scully are both wearing "HOMER IS A DOPE" T-shirts? Chris Herold: ... the alien's voice sounds like Michael Jackson? ... it takes Homer 2 hours and 10 minutes to respond to the reflex test? Joe Klemm: ... the Russian music when the breath meter reaches Boris Yeltsin? ... Mulder, Scully, and Chewbacca were singing with the Springfieldians? ... Mulder and Chewie wore the Homer is a Dope shirts? Haynes Lee: ... the "Labor Laws" notice in SNPP coffee room? ... Cigarette Smoking Man aka Cancer Man in the interrogation room? ... Riviera's medical instrument looks like the dentist's gouger from 9F15? ... Scully looks like the health inspector from 2F16? Ondre Lombard: ... Leonard Nimoy is being animated improperly? (his hair's grayed and he has a beard) ... Milhouse and Jimbo are cutting class? ... the "DIET" billboard says nothing besides "DIET?" ... Lisa and Bart have oreos and milk before watching TGIF? ... how odd it is that Ned makes everything he owns stamped with the "Property of Ned Flanders" label? ... the Simpsons would attend Ned's birthday party in order to steal his present? ... Mr. Burns' health is fleeing? (first leprosy, then a boweling, and then these extensive treatments) ... Homer drinks quite a few times in this episode? (at Moe's, then at Moe's again during the investigation and has a beer while camping with Bart) Dallas Pesola: ... the unsolved Rubik's Cube on Dr. Hibbert's desk? Benjamin J. Robinson: ... we hear the full closing theme (allowing for the part that Hank Hill talked over) for the first time in ages? Liam J. Scanlan: ... the flower pattern behind Leonard Nimoy at the very start? ... the start of this story is halfway through the book? ... the Springfield Shopper is available in Washington, D.C.? Andrius Schmid: ... Homer asks for two "Homer is a dope" shirts, even though he was just told they were sold out?

Voice credits

[You should know by now that I'm no good at this. :) --ed] - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Hans Moleman, Grampa, Barney, Willy, Pyromaniac, Alf [your guess is mine on this one! --ed]) - Julie Kavner (Marge) - Nancy Cartwright (Bart) - Yeardley Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Sarcastic Middle-Aged Worker, Moe, Red Tick Beer man, Carl, Wiggum, Alligator, Teenager, Coma patient, Dr. Nick Riviera) - Harry Shearer (Lenny, Burns, Smithers, Jasper, Hibbert, Alien, Marvin the Martian, Frogs, Kent Brockman, Ned, Rev. Lovejoy, T-shirts clerk) - Special Guest Voice - Gillian Anderson (Dana Scully) - David Duchovny (Fox Mulder) - Leonard Nimoy (himself) - Also Starring - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse) - Tress MacNeille (Mrs. Glick)

Movie (and other) references

+ "The X Files", tv series - "The Springfield Files" episode title - Bart's chalkboard parodies the series' slogan "The Truth is Out There" - The X Files' theme is played when the alien appears - Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are the series' main characters - Locations and descriptions are "typed" at the bottom of the screen - During the lie detector scene, Cigarette Smoking Man (aka Cancer Man) appears in the background - Alien encounter is a common X Files plot - The alien appears every Friday night, which was the time slot for The X Files a year ago - Scully's mug and clipboard bear a giant "X" "The Rockford Files" {jh} - "The Springfield Files" episode title + "In Search of...", 70's documentary of the paranormal - Leonard Nimoy hosts a similar show to his own + "Speed", 1995 blockbuster movie - Homer picked up his camera trick from this movie + "Saturday Night Fever", 70's movie - Lenny's clothing and dance moves are copied from John Travolta's character + "Happy Days", tv series - The "Sit on It" expression comes from this series ~ "Road Rovers" {jk} - Jasper after taking his Wednesday pills on Friday, looks like Shag, one of the heroes on the show + "Waterworld", movie starring Kevin Costner - Milhouse putting in 40 quarters for a crappy videogame is a reference to this movie's over-the-top budget, which only equalled the disappointment it caused. + "Better Homes & Gardens" magazine - "Better Homes Than Yours" + American Broadcasting Companies, Columbia Broadcasting System, National Broadcasting Corporation (three major TV networks) - Bart and Lisa mention ABC's T.G.I.F. 2-hour comedy lineup, NBC's Must See Thursday, and CBS'... well... + "Red Dog" beer - Red Tick beer St. Pauli beer {bjr} - The Red Tick Beer label is similar to this beer's label + "Psycho", Alfred Hitchcock movie - The Springfield Philharmonic is playing the famous Bernard Herrmann score from the shower scene + "High Anxiety", Mel Brooks movie - A dramatic music is actually played by an orchestra The crop circles in England {gb} - Homer spells out "Yahhh!" by running through the field + "Family Matters", tv comedy - Urkel is a character from this series + "Rocky", movies starring Sylvester Stallone - Apollo Creed is one of Rocky's opponents + "Alien Autopsy", Fox special - Homer's comment about selling the alien to the Fox network + "Star Wars", "Alf", "The Day the Earth Stood Still", "Looney Tunes" - Chewbacca, Alf [{bjr} mentions his name is Gordon], Gort and Marvin the Martian appear in the FBI lineup + "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial", Steven Spielberg movie - Brockman parodies the movie's line "E.T. phone home" "A Christmas Story" {ch} - The file photo of Homer shows him with his tongue stuck to a lamp post, just like the character Flick in this movie + "Close Encounters of the Third Kind", Steven Spielberg movie - Devil's Tower is pictured on Lisa's Junior Skeptic magazine and on Mulder's office wall - Brockman muses on a "Close Encounter of the Blurred Kind" - The school band plays the notorious five-note music - Clouds swarm around Marge's hair before the alien appears just like around Devil's Tower before the mother ship appears + "The Shining" - "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" is repeatedly typed + "Budweiser" beer TV commercial - Three frogs croak "Bud" "Weis" "Er" + "Hair" - All the characters sing "Good Morning Starshine"

Previous episode references

- The Simpsons house in a total mess {sf} - [7F20] The kids throw a party while Grampa is in the shower - [9F20] Marge's imprisonment is a strain to the family - [1F15] The whole family cleans up after Marge's orders - [3F01] Grampa fails to watch Maggie and SLH - [3G01] SLH, SBII and a fawn wreck havoc - Alf references - [9F21] Featured on cover of "US" magazine - [3F02] Milhouse traded Bart's soul for Alf pogs - [3G01] Present in the alien lineup - "The Shining" references - [1F07] Bart's blackboard punishment is "All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy" - [2F03] "The Shinning", including "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" - [3G01] "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" is written on the screen - Steve Urkel references {eh} - [1F11] Homer: "That little snot boy. I'd like to smash that kid!" - [3F08] An adult Urkel is among the "representatives of television" - [3G01] Homer compares the alien to him - X Files music - [2F07] Lisa's purchase of Al Gore's book is transmitted - [2F14] The TV is on, then off, without anyone touching it - [3G01] A glowing green alien shows up in Springfield - E.T. references {sf} - [7F14] Lisa's and Marge's finger touch on E.T. music - [2F31] Burns' movie feature his standing in the light - [3G01] Brockman: "E.T. phone Homer" - FOX bashing {gg} [I leave that to Ricardo Lafaurie's Fox Bashing List --ed] - [SC#4] Homer's plan to escape from work is similar {jh} - [SC#26] "Speed" is referenced {jh} - [7G09] Amateur video recording of a mysterious event {sf} - [7G11], [8F06] The moon bears a smiling face {ol} - [7G12] Homer has to choose from a lineup {mss} - [7F01], [9F10] Marge doesn't want to "snuggle" with Homer {sf} - [7F03], [3F19] "Little Help?" is said {sf} - [7F05], [8F02] OFF is merchandised, primarily with T-Shirts {sf} - [7F05], [9F14] A beer brewery is shown {sf} - [7F08], [8F19] Homer trys a non-Duff beer {sf} - [7F09] The Psycho score is played {ol} - [7F13], [9F20] Marge is accused of stealing {as} - [7F13], [8F15] The law comes to the door, Homer thinks he's in trouble {sf} - [7F14], [2F18] SLH destroys things {sf} - [7F17] Pill mix-up at Springfield Retirement Castle {sf} - [7F18] Krusty: "This interview is over!" (cf. Homer) {jh} - [8F03] Unsanitary food production tanks {sf} - [8F04] Homer's picture is in a book {sf} - [8F17] Burns goes through a longevity treatment {mss} - [8F11] A profitable carnival of sorts is set up surrounding a hoax {ol} - [8F17] Homer: "Lousy manipulative dog" (cf. loveable) {ljs} - [8F20] Wiggum leaves his gun lying around {sf} - [9F01], [9F03] A wild animal wanders through the Simpsons' trash {sf} - [9F05] Homer: "No, I refuse to share a bed with someone who thinks I'm crazy" (cf. lazy) {ol} - [9F06] Drunk Homer recounts, "So I says" {sf} - [9F06] Moe runs across woods {eh} - [9F10] Homer on the news shown in a file photo {sf} - [9F10] Leonard Nimoy guest stars on The Simpsons - [9F13] Wiggum chases a duck for his badge (cf. Abe/turtle/teeth) {vc} - [9F14] Homer creates a plan to sneak out of going to work {ol} - [9F14] A breathalizer is used {sf} - [9F16] "Sit on it" {sf} - [9F20] Grampa's teeth wind up in the mouth of an animal {ol} - [9F22] Moe involved with illegal storage of animals - [1F06] "My Dinner With Andre" and "Panamanian Strongman" video games {jh} - [1F10] Episode almost wrapped up too quickly {sf} - [1F15] Chief Wiggum disdains an unbelieveable story, and then disdains an actual tragedy {ol} - [1F17] Homer calls Abe "old man" {eh} - [2F03] Flesh-eating viruses (or is that viri) mentioned {mss} - [2F03] TGIF night on ABC is referred to {ol} - [2F06] Amateur video brings credit to Homer's ridiculous story {sf} - [2F07] Bart believes in extraterrestrial beings {as} - [2F16] Willy (among others) threatens to kill Burns {ol} - [2F20] Moe (cf. Homer) goes through a lie detector test {jh} - [2F32] The hot dog vendor sells hot dogs at an unusual event - [3F07] Donkey Kong appears {eh} - [3F08] An alien is equipped with a probe {hl} - [3F12] "NBC -- Must see TV" {sf} - [3F19] Bart saves the day: "Not without the keys, he isn't!" (cf. "Oh yes we do! I got it all on tape!") {eh} - [4F02] Nobody believes Homer about aliens because they think he's drunk

Freeze frame fun

At the arcade

       In  Person

Games at the arcade {bjr}

   - Kevin Costner's "Waterworld"
   - Terminator
   - My Dinner with Andre
   - [...]loen
   - Panamanian Strongman

Red Tick Beer Label {hl}


      [tick holding
     6 mugs of beer]


Moe's Breathalizer

   [   red light  ]  Boris Yeltsin
   [ yellow light ]       Stinkin'
   [ purple light ]         Soused
   [  green light ]          Tipsy

On-screen locations and descriptions



   3:02 PM


Headline on the Springfield Shopper {ol}

   S p r i n g f i e l d   S h o p p e r
   Daily News                        35c

     H U M A N   B L I M P   S E E S
        F L Y I N G   S A U C E R

     [text]           [picture of Homer]

Sign on the FBI building {bjr}

   F. B. I.  S P R I N G F I E L D   B R A N C H

Alien lineup

   - Marvin the Martian, 2'3" (3' with the brush on his helmet)
   - Gort, 7'12"
   - Chewbacca, 7'3"
   - Alf, 4' (to the top of his hair)
   - Kang or Kodos, 8' (without the spike)

Mulder's badge


           FFF BBB  III  [        ]
           F   B  B  I   [  snap- ]
   [seal]  FFF BBB   I   [  shot  ]
           F   B  B  I   [   of   ]
           F   BBB  III  [ Mulder ]
   ....................  [        ]

   SPECIAL  AGENT     [signature]


"Property of Ned Flanders" labeled items

   - Teapot
   - Frying pan
   - Portable stove
   - Red cooler
   - Green backpack with aluminum bars
   - Blue sleeping bag/mat
   - Flashlight
   - Camcorder

Notables in crowd outside Homer's house {jh}

   Barney, Dr. Hibbert, Otto, Jasper, Ned Flanders, Lenny, Apu

Seen on Friday night (before chorus)

   Mr. Largo, Jasper, Mrs. Glick, Lenny, Carl, Jimbo, Apu, Leonard
   Nimoy, Helen Lovejoy, Krusty, Barney, Moe, Edna Krabappel, Julius
   Hibbert, Joe Quimby, Charlie, Willy, Lunchlady Doris (!), Miss
   Hoover, Generic Sarcastic Middle-Aged Worker (?), Smithers, Burns

Jimbo's sign


T-shirts for sale {bjr}

     NO FAT        HOMER        HOMER
     ALIEN          WAS          IS A
     CHICKS        RIGHT         DOPE

At the hospital {bjr}

        NO           CASH
      PARKING        ONLY

Crowd during the song {jh}

   Leading the song: Smithers, Leonard Nimoy, Burns (glowing), Dr. Nick
   In the semicircle: Lisa, Chewbacca, Scully, Mulder, Jimbo, Kirk Van
      Houten, Jasper, Dr. and Mrs. Hibbert, Kent Brockman, Homer, Mrs.
      Krabappel, Marge, Carl, Lenny, Grampa, Barney, Sam, Bart

- Overseas Animation: Akom, N.J. Kim  {ddg}

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

+ Homer's only been working at SNPP since 1980. The tape of Homer working has the feeling of the mid to late 70s. Besides, even if it was 1980, Homer's only been a safety technician in sector 7-G since 1990. = The writing on Moe's breathalizer changes between scenes. * Marge tells Homer that it is 2 AM, then checks the clock. {as} = Lisa's "Junior Skeptic" magazine appears out of thin air. {ol} * Marge, at least, ought to have remembered Homer's birthday. {bjr} + OFF doesn't know Santa's Little Helper's birthday; his previous owner never mentioned it when he got rid of the dog in 7G08. [Theodore Miller hypothesizes that racing greyhounds may come with pedigree papers listing their date of birth --ed] * Homer tells Wiggum that the alien appears every Friday night, even though he saw it only once. {tg} + Homer seems to be fond of Urkel, unlike 1F11. {dga} * FBI stands for "Federal Bureau of Investigation", but Mulder's badge clearly says "Investigations". {ddg} * Abe can still say "s" correctly dispite the fact the turtle has his teeth. {ljs} * Contrary to what Moe believes (he refers to the "whale" as being heavy), a Killer Whale is actually a dolphin, not a whale. IN his defense, however, biologists believe that the two families (dolphins and whales, not Simpsons and whales) are closely related. {as} = The crocidile can still say "coors" even with his mouth closed. {ljs} + Bart did get a fake ID before in 3F17 and did go for a beer at Moe's. He passed it up when he saw all the bummed out drunks. {ol} + Why would someone offer Ned a camcorder? He already has one, which he not only lent to Homer in 7F11, but used to film his movie in 2F31. {ol} + Channel 6 calls its newscasts "Action News" (cf. 7G12, 2F05, and others), not "Eyewitness News." {jh} * The guy coming out the coma looks a bit young to have been around for the Sonny and Cher Hour. {ol} = Marge's T-shirt disappeared sometime between when she showed it to Homer and the last scene. + Mr. Burns has been seen at night several times (e.g. 9F10) without glowing. * The second shot of pain killer makes Mr. Burns' pupils expand, when it was actually the eyedrops that originally caused this effect. * If the generic teenager is reading from a teleprompter ("I'm Leonard Nimoy"), why would Nimoy have nothing left to say for the last ten minutes? {jrc}


Dale G. Abersold: An amusing enough episode, even if it did not live up to the heavy hype given it by Fox. All three guest voices were well-done (I liked Nimoy's singing), and there were many good gags. Still, parts of the show had a "recycled" feeling, as if Jean & Reiss threw in every joke that they never got around to using in "The Critic." (B-) Vince Chan: Amazing! No wonder this episode was on reserve. This was the best episode I've seen this season! I was literally ROFL. The part where Mr. Burns asks if Smithers was going to be doing something gay was hilarious! The same goes for Homer blowing up the lie detector. The only thing bad about this episodes was that by judging the title, you would think it would be a X-Files parody. (A-) Chris Courtois: "The Springfield Files" was a mixed bag for me. Almost every laugh-out-loud moment (the alien line-up, Mulder's badge photo, Homer hitting on Scully) was matched by a groaner that sent my finger flying to the fast-forward button during a repeat viewing (the obligatory FOX bashing, everyone ignoring Homer's birthday in favor of Santa's Little Helper, the ending song). It seems that Al Jean and Mike Reiss were still operating in "Critic" mode, and not in original-"Simpsons" mode, as evidenced by the abundance of references and more wacky, random-gag style of humor. (If I didn't know better, I would have tagged this as a Mirkin-era episode). The crossover aspect wasn't bad, nowhere near as cheesy as I'd feared. (B) Steve Frayne: This episode was above average for this season, and I really liked the jokes at the expense of the X-files. Mulder and Scully served really no purpose in this episode, but why not promote a network show- it wouldn't be the first time. It was consistantly funny throughout, but never drop dead hilarious. I was surprised that such a dilemma could be solved with a decent ending. This one was superior like the one's of old. (B-) Joshua Fruhlinger: The best episode of the season so far, possibly the best in the last two years. While being an Xphile as well as a Simpsons fan helped, I have to think that this episode stands on its own as well. Great gags, great plot. Though I really thought the alien was going to turn out to be Hans Moleman, mutated after being left alone in Dr. Hibbert's X-Ray Machine. I was practically in tears from the beginning with Leanord Nimoy's introduction. Other favorite bits - "Dooff," Scully hypnotized by Homer's jiggling blubber, the alien line up, and the mob's reaction to the Burns-alien's declarations of peace and love ("It's got love! Break its legs!") The Speed bit was funny, too. (A) Jason Hancock: Wow! This is easily the funniest episode since "Bart on the Road" in my book. I couldn't stop laughing for much of the show, especially during the "Waterworld" video game scene. And even though I'm not a regular X-Files viewer, I thought their stars turned in good guest roles. This probably would have worked out better as a Halloween episode, but I liked it nonetheless. (A) Patrick Hayden: For the most part, I thought tonight's episode was pretty much average. I liked all the x-file jokes, especially Mulder's rant, but for the most part, I felt like I was watching a recycled episode. For instance, Marge getting nervous when Mulder and Scully come to the door. Haven't we seen Homer do that, in the stealing cable episode, when the cops come to watch the fight? Then, Moe and the killer whale. This seems oddly familiar to "Cape Feare" when Moe is hiding the pandas in the back of the store. In fact, it's eaxctly the same gag. Nothing too original there. The musical number bit was used only a few episodes ago. Also, a lot of the humor seemed forced, like that weak Speed bit, and the whole family loving the dog instead of Homer. And while its sort of pleasant to have Leonard Nimoy on, his role was absolutely pointless. Plus, the ending really was stupid. Just another, HAHA, Burns sure does wierd things to stay alive joke, which we've seen in one form another countless times. Nonetheless, I was laughing pretty consistantly throughout the second act. (C+) Chris Herold: This episode is the best episode of the season so far. It was full of hysterical references, such as "Water World," the Budweiser frogs, and Donkey Kong. The plot was in true Simpsons fashion, where a family member gets his/her moment of fame. The alien police line and the turtle with Abe's teeth capped off an the type of episode I've been waiting for! (B) Mark Kinash: This was a definitive Simpsons classic. It's a relief to find funny jokes that do not necessarily have anything to do with the plot i.e The Waterworld gag, the shot at ABC's TGIF night. Although to some these may seem recycled, I feel that these jokes give an element of surprise to an otherwise predictable episode (I could see those Mulder jokes coming a mile away). I can actually see most of these jokes coming from the whimsical unconcious's of the writers, rather than at a FOX pitch meeting. This is even better that "Homer's Voyage"! I declare this episode the best of the season (so far). (A) Ondre Lombard: The best of the season! Finally, an episode that packs something of a punch. Scully and Mulder's appearances were certainly not wasted. This episode had quite a few funny moments, including most of act 1 and Bart's slashing on all four networks. It was refreshing to finally see in 20 months the full length opening. Complaints: too many reused jokes, Leonard Nimoy's appearance was largely unfunny and I could'v edone with out him, the ends of act two and three fell flat and the plot was kinda weak. (B) Nate Patrin: Ugh, ugh, retch. I'm sorry, I really expected something funny out of this episode, but aside from the Nimoy intro, the exploding lie detector and a couple other small things this episode's jokes were predictable, corny, cheesy, dated, poorly thought-out and just plain embarrassing. The premise? Done to death. The crossover? Anticlimactic. I really hate to say this, but this episode blew. (D-) Werner Peeters: Now THIS is a great episode. Although I'm not too familiar with the X-files, and probably missed therefore half of the jokes, I still find this episode had one brilliant moment after another: The whale at Moe's Tavern, Homer's writing in the grass, Bart's scary story about Maggie's college funds, the picknick with Ned's equipment, the line-up with the aliens, Boris Yeltsin and of course the brilliant intervention of Leonard Nimoy! Matt Groening was ashamed of the Critic crossover, but I don't think he will be ashamed of this one! (A+) Benjamin J. Robinson: We had to wait forever for this one, but it was worth it. Homer's encounter with what is possibly an alien is consistently funny, with pop culture references galore. Guest stars Duchovney, Anderson, and Nimoy get good roles, rather than being tacked on as an afterthought. The ending is a letdown, but this is a solid episode in spite of that. (A-) Matt Rose: Decent. I wouldn't say it's as good as I've heard the critics and newsgroup people have said it was (so far) but it wasn't bad. My expectations were quite low because usually the hyped up episodes ("Homerpalooza", "Who Shot, Part 2") have disappointed me. This one didn't. I laughed hardest when the Budweiser frogs were eaten (I for one like many are sick of those damn commercials) and when Mr. Burns asks Smithers if he's doing something "gay". Two things I didn't for: the musical number near the end (this is one trend I don't want to see continue) and once again the lack of involvement from the kids, esp. Lisa. But the episode worked for me. I probably would have been won over more if I was an"X-Files" watcher but I rarely watch the show. (B) Andrius Schmid: This was a well-made episode. The use of Mulder and Scully was tactful and not overdone. I am also glad that the actual Sci-Fi aspect of the episode was kept down to an acceptable minimum. Although this episode was not as good as "Lisa'a Date with Destiny," the large amount of gags made it quite worthwhile. (A-) Yours Truly: Although this crossover did avoid to sell another show, it was still trying to sell its own, and make X-Files viewers more Simpsons-aware. In the long run, the effect wasn't any better: Simpsons humor was "lowered" for the uninitiated. Many jokes were re-used or cliches (Moe's panda/whale), while others were too obvious or silly to have much impact (painful TV bashing, and the most unsubtle Smithers joke to date). Of what little remained, the writers made sure to underline and highlight every bit of it, just so that it would be impossible to miss anything (look, Mulder's badge is funny!). I am quite willing to forgive all of this in the name of this episode's good cause, but I would rather not see any more of it. (C) AVERAGE GRADE: B+ (3.46) NIELSEN RATING: 11.7 (Ranked 12th out of 118) {ol}

Comments and other observations

Crossover Comments

Joshua Fruhlinger:  The "real" Mulder and Scully live in a universe
   where "The Simpsons" TV series exists.  During the episode
   "Revelations," (3X11) Mulder comments that a composite sketch of a
   bald suspect looks like "Homer Simpson's evil twin".  Makes you
   wonder... when Mulder plops down on his couch Sunday nights and
   watches the Simpsons and then King of the Hill, what comes on next?
   Millenium, if he's unlucky.  Alternately, one could posit that the
   action of "The Springfield Files" took place before "Revelations" and
   he was commenting on Homer Simpson, the man they met, not Homer
   Simpson, the cartoon.  But that, there is no need to add, is
   exceedingly unlikely and just silly.

   There's a funny gag in the first scene of The Springfield Files with
   Mulder and Scully, in which Mulder suggests they go chase after
   Homer's potential alien, and Scully asks why they don't go and do the
   sort of stuff FBI is supposed to be doing i.e. law inforcement.  This
   was made even funnier by the fact that, in the X-Files episode that
   aired half an hour later, (El Mundo Gira, 4X11) Mulder and Scully
   investigate strange doings in an illegal immigrants' migrant camp, in
   which they are surrounded by people who are in the country illegally,
   a fact they more or less ignore.

      [Thanks to Alyssa Fernandez for the correct quote --ed]

Ted Graham:  In the scene where Homer recreates his experience in the
   bar, Mulder, looking bored, is casually eating nuts of some sort from
   a bowl. It's a well-established fact that the character is addicted
   to sunflower seeds.

Steve Bird: Fox's FBI ID is a picture of himself posing mostly nude.  (I
   believe he was wearing a "Banana Hammock.")  David Duchovny, before
   being cast in "The X Files,"  was in a cable show called "The Red
   Shoe Diaries," which bordered on soft-core porn.

Jay Sherman, no -- Mulder and Scully, si!

Benjamin J. Robinson:  After the acrimony that surrounded "A Star is
   Burns (2F31)" -- see the capsule for that episode for further details
   -- one would think that the word "crossover" would be forbidden
   around the "Simpsons" studios. The X Files crossover seems to have
   gone more smoothly, though.  There hasn't been any outward sign of
   ill will, and Matt Groening's name does appear in the credits.  (He
   had it removed from "A Star is Burns.") Perhaps he felt there was
   more of a difference between "The Simpsons" and "The X Files" than
   "The Simpsons" and "The Critic."  Perhaps he warmed up to the notion
   of a crossover since the earlier show aired. Perhaps they just asked
   him nicely.  Whatever the reason, this crossover episode looks like a
   more cooperative episode than the first.

The Bus that Couldn't Slow Down

Benjamin J. Robinson:  Homer's recollection of "Speed" is pretty good.
   In the movie, the hero (Keanu Reeves) discovers the bad guy (Dennis
   Hopper) has placed a video camera on the bus to keep tabs on his
   victims.  If anyone tried to escape the bus, Hopper would know about
   it.  Reeves foils this plan by creating a tape loop of the passengers
   just sitting there.  The good guys broadcast this back to Hopper on
   the camera's transmission frequency.  He was fooled -- for a while.
   The tape had a small discontinuity near the "seam" of the loop (more
   subtle than in Homer's loop) which let Hopper know Reeves was on to
   his little scheme.

Videogame Roots

Benjamin J. Robinson:  The original Donkey Kong game was incredibly
   popular in the early Eighties.  The premise was simple.  An ape --
   the Donkey Kong of the title -- kidnapped a princess.  Scaling some
   girders, he hid out at the top of a construction site.  A little
   mustachioed man, later called Mario, went after her.  To stop him,
   Donkey Kong would roll barrels down the girders.  Mario had to jump
   over the barrels, or get killed. Once he got to the top of the
   girders the cycle would repeat until the player ran out of turns, or
   went nuts.  This one game spawned more sequels than James Bond, and
   was the predecessor of today's Nintendo Mario games.  You'd think
   that ape would be a better draw.

Jason Hancock:  I think the Donkey Kong joke was thrown in because of
   Mario's popularity. Thanks to the Super Mario Bros. series of games,
   Mario became Nintendo's big star of the late eighties while Donkey
   Kong fell into video game obscurity and remained there until "Donkey
   Kong Country" was released.

Frederic Briere:  The original arcade Donkey Kong was released in 1981.
   It is funny to see how Nintendo pulled this character from the closet
   in order to both promote its Super Game Boy bundle and milk all the
   money from its dying Super NES system. A well calculated move, as the
   1994 Donkey Kong Country dethroned Super Mario Bros. 3 as best-
   selling videogame worldwide. The two sequels did very well too, and
   are still among the most rented games nowadays.

The collegiate future of an incredibly-voiced hellion

   An interesting discussion emerged after Bart's comment on Maggie's
   college costs:

Don Del Grande:  Those of us in CHARMS [Company of Honorable and Ardent
   Revellers of Maggie Simpson] know that it won't cost Homer ANYTHING
   to send Maggie to college, since she'll probably have universities
   paying HER to attend.

Benjamin J. Robinson:  Those of us outside of CHARMS suggest that this
   may not be so. In "Lisa's Wedding (2F15)," for example, see looked
   like the rebellious type -- probably not the sort who would go for
   the college scene. That doesn't necessarily mean she'll be a loser;
   there are plenty of lucrative vocational careers out there.

   Personally, I think it would be an interesting twist of fate if, on
   her way to collect her Nobel Prize, Lisa's car broke down and she had
   to be rescued by Maggie the Mechanic.

Don Del Grande:  Then again, those of us crazy enough to say that we ARE
   in CHARMS don't necessarily see a contradiction between "Maggie the
   rebel" and "Maggie the college student". (Can you think of a worse
   nightmare for a teacher, or a principal, than a student with the
   brains of Lisa and the attitude of Bart - or, for all we know, the
   attitude of Jimbo and the brains of Martin?) But I do agree that the
   future of "Lisa's Wedding" is not considered to be "definite", unlike
   Bart the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court as shown in "Itchy &
   Scratchy: The Movie" (or Homer at his 40th(?) reunion with a plunger
   on his head, at the end of "The Front").

Those... Damn... Frogs...

Jason Hancock:  For the past two years or so, Budweiser has been using
   frogs that say "Bud... weis... er" in its beer commercials.  They are
   among the most recognizable TV commercial characters.  However, they
   have also been the targets of complaints from Mothers Against Drunk
   Driving for their appeal to children.

Goodness! Grandma, what big eyes you have!

Chris Herold:  During his medical treatments, Mr. Burns' eyes are
   dilated by application of eye drops that in all likelihood contain
   tropicamide. Tropicamide inhibits the action of acetylcholine, a
   neurotransmitter that decreases the diameter of the pupil by
   contracting the pupillary sphincter muscle.  Application of
   tropicamide by eye drops dilates the eyes for several hours and
   enables an ophthalmologist to look into your eyes and examine the

"Oh, sorry, I meant 'my half-life'"

Benjamin J. Robinson:  Mr. Burns must have exaggerated a little when he
   said he spent his whole life in the nuclear power business. America's
   first nuclear power plant went on-line in 1946.  (And boy, I'll bet
   radiation control was really something back then.)  If Burns is 104
   today, he'd have been 49 when he started working with nuclear power.

Good Morning Sunshine

Greg Bigoni:  The song that the characters sing at the end was a hit in
   1969 for singer Oliver (pretty much his only hit), but it originally
   was in the 1968 "tribal love-rock musical," "Hair." The play is
   basically about a bunch of hippies vs. society, and given the theme,
   is surprisingly good. "Good Morning Starshine" is sung near the end
   of the musical, when the hippie tribe has just come down from their
   long hallucinogenic trip, as they're saying goodbye to their friend
   Claude the morning he leaves for Vietnam. The mood expressed in that
   scene is pretty similar to how they did it in this episode, too, with
   the big "I bring you peace/love" chorus, swaying back and forth with
   their arms around each other (that's how we blocked it in the
   production that I was in, anyway, complete with the arms raised at
   the end). Their little homage worked pretty well, IMHO. Pretty funny

Sing us a song, Mr. Spock

Regarding the question of whether or not "Good Morning Sunshine" had
   once been recorded by Leonard Nimoy...

Alan Hamilton:  The only album I've seen is "The Two Sides of Leonard
   Nimoy", which has covers of such ditties as "If I Were A Carpenter"
   and "Gentle on my Mind", but no "Starshine".  And "The Ballad of
   Bilbo Baggins" has to be heard to be believed.

   www.mrshowbiz.com shows him recording "Leonard Nimoy Presents Mr.
   Spock's Music From Outer Space" 1967; "Two Sides of Leonard Nimoy",
   "The Way I Feel 1968"; "The Touch of Leonard Nimoy", "The New World
   of Leonard Nimoy" 1969.  He also did some narration and book

Those Immortal Threads

Where is Springfield?

Benjamin J. Robinson:  When people refer to a city as being in a
   nation's heartland, they usually mean that it has a central location
   in that country.  This would put Springfield in the American Midwest.

Is Smithers Gay?

Dale G. Abersold:  Smithers is shocked when Burns asks him if he has
   anything "gay" planned for the weekend, but chuckles nervously when
   he hears that Burns used the word in its more traditional meaning.

Melissa R. Hirshson:  Hasn't been Smithers been trying to tell Burns for
   years how he feels about him? Then, why would he get so scared when
   Burns first mentions the word "gay"? Maybe he's been so discouraged
   in the past by Burns' obvious unawareness of his feelings that he's
   gone further and further into the closet?

Loose Ends

Writer Watch

Dale G. Abersold:  This is Reid Harrison's first outing as a writer for
   the Simpsons. Previously, he has worked for Warner Brothers on the
   "Pinky and the Brain" show.

Why wasn't Lisa's solo based on The X Files?

Bob Beecher, music editor for the show:

   Lisa's sax solo was recorded many times and the decision as to which
   one shows up in the main title rests usually with the music editor. I
   picked my favorite for this show -- the funky one!

   We could've recorded an X-Files sax solo, but no one thought of it.
   Plus, Mark Snow's already getting enough for the use of his theme!

Hallowe'en episode?

Dale G. Abersold:  Given the non-canonical nature of this episode (it
   was told to us, after all, by Leonard Nimoy), I wonder if it was
   originally intended for use as a Hallowe'en episode?

A few good names

Benjamin J. Robinson provides us with a quick background of different
   personalities mentioned on this episode:

   Boris Yeltsin
      President of Russia, who is widely rumored to be a two-fisted
   J. Edgar Hoover
      Longtime FBI director.  Recent rumor has it that he was a closet
   Ludwig Wittgenstein
      Philosopher who wrote "Tractatus Logico-philosophous."  I'll bet
      Homer learned about him from Lisa.

This makes him very angry

Marge Starbrod-Simpson:  You may remember Marvin the Martian from: 7
   Looney Tunes segments. He was also the referee in "Space Jam" and
   Tai's and Travis's mutual obsession in "Clueless".

Quotes and Scene Summary {ol}

In a dark study, Leonard Nimoy sits at a desk that has a skull, a book and three lit candles on it. Behind him is a bookshelf. A spotlight fades in on him. Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No. -- What was the question again?, "The Springfield Files" "Our story begins on a Friday morning in a little town called Springfield." Nimoy narrates. In his book is an illustration of a glad-looking Homer, which takes us into the story. At the SNPP, Homer is celebrating the fact that it's Friday, and that he's off to Moe's. Lenny reminds him that it's 10am, but Homer has a plan of his own to sneak out of work. I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty. And if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called... "The bus that couldn't slow down." -- So close, yet so far, Homer, "The Springfield Files" Homer carries out his plan. He hooks up his VCR to the surveillance camera and puts in an ancient cassette tape of him working with Lenny and Carl in sector 7-G. The result: an infinite loop of Homer, eating a doughnut while talking to Lenny, both dressed in 70's clothing. In comes afro-wearing Carl in a hippie outfit. A glitch in the tape skips to another shot of Lenny and Carl dancing while Homer sleeps. The awkward loop of this 5-second tape goes unnoticed by Mr. Burns, who chats with Smithers in his office. Mr. Burns: So, another Friday is upon us. What will you be doing, Smithers? Something gay, no doubt! Smithers: Wha...? What?! Mr. Burns: You know. Light-hearted, fancy-free. "Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!" [chuckles a bit] Smithers: Exactly, sir! [laughs nervously] -- Gotta be more careful there, Waylon, "The Springfield Files" At the Retirement Castle... Jasper: Thank God it's Wednesday. [eats pills] Mrs. Glick: It's Friday. [eats pills] Japser: Uh-oh, wrong pills. [hair grows all over his body] Uh... Little help? -- God bless today's medicine, "The Springfield Files" At the Noiseland Arcade, Donkey Kong sits in a chair on top a stand holding a sign saying "Meet Donkey Kong in Person." The Generic Sarcastic Middle-Aged Worker walks by, saying he's "just not a draw anymore." Kong replies by throwing him a barrel. "Hey! He's still got it!" observes the man. At the arcade, Milhouse feeds the "Waterworld" video game the fourty quarters required to play the game. Milhouse: [feeding quarters] 38... 39... 40 quarters. This better be good. [presses start, walks two steps] Game: Game Over. Please deposit 40 quarters. Milhouse: What a rip! [hesitates a second, then deposits more quarters] -- I bet he's seen the movie 32 times, "The Springfield Files" "Thank god it's Friday," says Dr. Hibbert, leaving and closing the hospital. Inside is a naked Hans Moleman standing behind an x-ray screen, left to himself. Later, a decorative living room is displayed -- but it's only in the "Better Homes Than Yours" magazine. It's lying on a filthy table, whose garbage is being picked up by Marge, who surveys the filthy house. Marge: [sees SLH chewing on a chair] Bad dog! [sees Snowball scratching up the couch] Bad cat! [sees a fawn licking something] Bad fawn! [looks puzzled] -- Bad moose, and squirrel, and elephant and three-toed sloth..., "The Springfield Files" Marge shoos away the fawn. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa are watching TV. Lisa: All right! It's time for ABC's "TGIF" lineup! Bart: Lis, when you get a little older, you'll learn that Friday is just another day between NBC's "Must See Thursday" and CBS' " Saturday night craporama." -- And Fox Sunday nights fit in where?, "The Springfield Files" At Moe's, Homer's in the mood for more excitement than his regular Duff. Quick thinker, Moe draws two dots above the "u", and voila: "Doof," direct from Sweden. "Skoal!" shouts Homer, but he's not fooled for long. Moe draws back and offers him a real new brand: "Red Tick Beer." Homer: Hmm... Bold, refreshing, and something I can't quite put my finger on. [at the Red Tick Beer brewery, dogs are swimming in the tank] Man: [takes a sip] Hmm... Needs more dog. -- Homer tries Red Tick Beer, "The Springfield Files" After downing quite a few... Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids. -- Homer sets the new standard for family togetherness, "The Springfield Files" But Moe won't let him go till he takes a breathalyzer test. Homer takes it, and he's not just Tipsy, not just Soused, not just Stinkin', but he's in the "Boris Yeltsin" level of drunkenness. "Eh, I guess I'll walk home" reasons Homer. Homer wanders around and winds up in a dark, scary park full of leafless trees. Homer's startled by the howling dogs. Suddenly, "Psycho" music starts to play as a bus pulls up, its headlights glaring at Homer. The chilling violin is being played by the musical passengers aboard the "Springfied Philharmonic" bus. The bus speeds off, dropping off a lone violinist, who continues to play the eerie music. Terrified, Homer starts to aimlessly run. He stops before a billboard that says "DIE." Homer shreaks. The wind blows away the tree that covered the last word. Nonetheless, a "DIET" sign still scares Homer witless. Homer runs into the woods and runs into Grampa, who was hiding in the bushes. Grampa: Oh son, I'm glad to see you! I went for the morning paper and I got lost! And... Homer: No time for you, old man! [pushes Grampa aside] -- Don't interrupt a man in the middle of a cowardice panic, "The Springfield Files" Homer plows through a mess of branches and plants and runs across a log in the middle of the misty night. For effect, an owl hoots. Homer trips over a branch. (For more effect, the chilling music most associated with "The X-Files" begins to play) What he sees before him is an eerie, green glowing figure with a large bulbous head, enormous dark eyes and a contorted, spindly body. Homer: Please! Don't hurt me! Alien: [gentle voice] Don't be afraid. Homer: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! [begins running through the field of grass, creating a handwritten writing of "Yahhh!" in the grass] -- Your typical alien encounter, "The Springfield Files" [End of Act One. Time: 5:21] Homer busts through the door of his bedroom, panting, awakening Marge. Marge: Homer, it's 2 am. What happened? Homer: It was an alien, Marge! It appeared in front of me and said "Don't be Afraid." Marge: [waving her hand in front her nose] Have you been drinking? Homer: No! Well, ten beers. -- Ticks'll do that to you, "The Springfield Files" Homer tells his unbelieveable tale at the breakfast table. Homer: I'm telling you, I saw a creature from another planet. Lisa: Maybe you just dreamed it. Homer: Oh yeah? Well, when I came to, I was covered with a sticky, translucent goo. Explain that! Marge: [serves him] More sausage? [Homer starts drooling] -- Occam's Razor to its gruesomest, "The Springfield Files" Lisa: Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine," the chances are 175 million to one of another form of life actually coming in contact with ours. Homer: So? Lisa: It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are always pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs. Oh, and you, Dad. [nervous laugh] -- Once a skeptic, always a skeptic, "The Springfield Files" Bart, "The Thing, from Uranus," greets the family dressed in novelty spring goggles, a bike helmet with antennaes on top and a black shirt while holding a water soaker, making light of Homer's supposed alien encounter. Homer: [gasps, then realizes] Oh, it's Bart. I can't believe it. I'm being mocked. By my own children. On my birthday. Bart: It's your birthday? Homer: Yes! Remember, it's the same day as the dog's. Lisa: Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday? Ooh! We've gotta get you a present. [cuddling him] Yes we do! Yes we do! Bart: [cuddling him] We love you boy. Marge: [cuddling him] Good doggie. Good doggie. [Maggie joins in, leaving Homer alone at the table] Homer: Lousy loveable dog. -- Yet with an untwistable stomach, "The Springfield Files" Homer tells his unbelieveable tale at the SNPP. Oh, it was awful! They set me on a cold, metal table. Then prodded me with humiliating probes, and then... Oh wait, that was my physical. -- From `The X Files' to `General Hospital', "The Springfield Files" At the police station, Homer tells his unbelieveable tale to Chief Wiggum. Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice... like Urkel! And he appears every Friday night... like Urkel! Wiggum: Well, your story is very compelling, Mr. Jackass, I mean, uh, Simpson. So, I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter! [Wiggum raises his arms and starts typing on air in sarcasm] [starts humming] Homer: You don't have to humiliate me. [Homer walks off, and another man walks in, wearing slightly burned clothes and playing compulsively with a lighter] Man: I just torched a building downtown, and I'm afraid I'll do it again! Wiggum: Oh, yeah, right. I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter! [goes through the same sarcastic routine] Fruitcake! -- Why do you wear that badge, anyway? "The Springfield Files" We are then taken to the F.B.I. Division of Paranormal Activites. Inside the office, there is a picture of J. Edgar Hoover in a lady's dress, joined by other spooky pictures. An attractive red-head is working at her computer. Her attractive, brown-haired partner shows her a paper about Homer's alleged alien encounter. Mulder: There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the Heartland of America. We've gotta get there right away. Scully: Well... gee, Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight. Mulder: [scoffs] I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that. -- That's for overpaid, obese policemen with invisible typewriters, "The Springfield Files" At the Simpsons home, Mulder gives a slight knock on the front door. Marge answers, and panics at the sight of F.B.I. agents, thinking they're after her for the pen she took from the Post Office. Swearing she didn't know it was in her purse, and that she was about to bring it back when the dog chewed it up, she starts hyperventilating. Mulder informs her that their matter is with Homer. Still panting, Marge greets them in. At the FBI Springfield Branch, Mulder and Scully tell Homer to pick out from a lineup the alien that he saw. But Marvin the Martian, Gort, Chewbacca, ALF and Kang (or is it Kodos?) don't fit the bill. Oh, this makes me very angry! -- Marvin, the clicheic, Martian, "The Springfield Files" The Cigarette Smoking Man in the shadows watches Mulder and Scully conduct a polygraph test on Homer. Scully: Now, we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand? Homer: Yes. [the polygraph explodes] -- It worked, all right, "The Springfield Files" Scully tests Homer's reflexes. It takes quite a while before Homer feels the pain and says "Oww." Later, with wires attached to him, Homer runs on a treadmill in naught but his underwear. Mulder and Scully watch. Mulder: Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test? Scully: No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little weight. Mulder: His jiggling is almost hypnotic. Scully: Yes. It's like a lava lamp. -- "The Springfield Files" Mulder amd Skully then take their investigation to Moe's. Mulder: All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the night you saw this alien. Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon. Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the F.B.I. Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. You happy? -- "The Springfield Files" Homer later makes himself as drunk as he was before and begins to make a pass at Scully. You are one fine looking woman, lady. If I wasn't married, I'd go out with you like that! [hits his bottle on the bar; beer bubbles and spills out the bottle] I am so sorry! Whatever you do, don't tell Marge! God, I love her! I... hey! A penny! [leaps into the floor] -- Homer recreates his every move (and bottle), "The Springfield Files" Scully and Mulder introduce themselves to Moe at his request, and their FBI credentials alarm Moe, who orders the men in the backroom watering a disgruntled killer whale to take him back to Sea World. Homer, meanwhile, continues to waste the bored FBI agents' time. So, I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end. -- Homer's answers to life's greatest mysteries, "The Springfield Files" Scully invites Homer to lead them to his next location on the night of his encounter. The three wind up in the park. Homer points to the woods where the creature emerged; just at that moment, there's rustling in a bush. All gasp, and Scully cocks a gun, fearing the worst. To their (somewhat) relief, Grampa emerges in his tattered clothes. Grampa: For the love of god, help me! I've been here for four days and that turtle's got all of my teeth! [looking down] There he is! [the turtle walks away, holding the oversized denture] Grampa: [running as slowly as the turtle] Come back here, you! Slow down! I'll get you! Scully: This is the worst assignment we've ever had. Mulder: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus? Grampa: [gets bitten by the turtle] Oww! It bit me with my own teeth! Scully: No, this is much more irritating. -- "The Springfield Files" Scully decides she's seen enough, and leaves. Mulder's about to follow, but stops to deliver a speech. But somewhere out there, something is watching us. There are alien forces acting in ways we can't perceive. Are we alone in the universe? Impossible. When you consider the wonders that exist all around us... [it's nighttime now, and everyone's left Mulder alone in the park] ...voodoo priests of Haiti, the Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia, the unsolved mysteries of -- "Unsolved Mysteries." The truth is out there. -- Mulder, as skeptic as we know him, "The Springfield Files" Behind him, Moe and the two men are hauling away the killer whale. Oh, who thought a whale could be so heavy?! [sees Mulder] Cheese it! The feds! -- Moe, "The Springfield Files" Homer talks to Marge in bed. Homer: Oh Marge, I never felt so alone. No one believes me. [pause] Uh, this is the part where you're suppose to say "I Believe You, Homer"? Marge: I don't believe you, Homer. Homer: You do?? Oh, Marge, you've made me so happy! Marge: Hmm, you're not listening. You're only hearing what you wanna hear. Homer: Thanks! I'd love an omelette right about now. -- "The Springfield Files" Marge tries to wake him up. Marge: I try to be supportive, but this has gone too far! Please, just let it be? Homer: No, I can't. This is my cause. I'm like the man who singlehandedly built the rocket and went to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed? -- How long before he cries `Adrienne!', "The Springfield Files" Insulted by Marge's lack of trust for him, Homer leaves the bedroom, and sulks at the breakfast table. Bart comes in. Bart: Hey, Dad. What's the word with Planet Crackpot? Homer: Oh, I suppose you're going to mock me, too! Bart: Well, actually, Dad... I believe you. Homer: You do? Bart: Yes, I do. You seem so damn sure. Homer: Thank you, son. And do you think you can stop the casual swearing? Bart: Hell yes. Homer: That's my boy. -- Darn right, "The Springfield Files" Homer: This Friday, we're going back to the woods and we're going to find that alien! Bart: What if we don't? Homer: We'll fake it, and sell it to the Fox network. Bart: [chuckles] They'll buy anything. Homer: Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming, too. [the two bust up laughing] I kill me. -- Make sure there's no wristwatch this time, "The Springfield Files" Out in the woods --again-- the three "Budweizer" frogs get eaten by a crocodile, who grunts "Coors." Not far away, Bart and Homer camp out with an assortment of Ned Flanders' belongings. Bart: Hey, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer? Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs. -- "The Springfield Files" Homer suggests a ghost story instead. Later that night, lit with a flashlight, Bart completes his chilling tale: "...and that is how much college will cost for Maggie." Homer screams in denial. Later, Homer and Bart roast up some marshmallows, enjoying the great time they're having together. That "X-Files" music starts up again, and the green glow floats through the trees. Homer recognizes his encounter. Alien: I bring you peace. Homer: As a representative of the planet Earth, let me just say [gets his foot in the camp fire] Baaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaagh! [tries to beat out the fire] Oww!! Oww!! -- And we really mean it, "The Springfield Files" The alien runs away in fear. Homer mourns his lost proof, but Bart cheers him up by saying he's taped the whole thing. Homer and Bart jump up and down in joy, their jumping frozen into an illustration that takes us back to Leonard Nimoy in the study. Nimoy: And so, from this simple man came the proof that we are not alone in the universe. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night. Teenager: [off-camera] Uh, Mr. Nimoy, we have ten minutes left. Nimoy: Oh. Uh, fine. Let me, uh, just get something out of my car. [runs off] [starts his car and drives off] Teenager: I don't think he's coming back. -- You're quick, "The Springfield Files" [End of Act Two. Time: 14:52] Kent: Tonight, on Eyewitness News: a man who's been in a coma for 23 years wakes up. Man: Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show? Kent: No, uh, she won an Oscar, and he's a Congressman. Man: Good night! [turns over and dies] -- The right choice, "The Springfield Files" But first, E.T., phone Homer -- Simpson, that is. Local man, Homer Simpson, shown here with his tongue stuck to a lamppost, has given us this videotape. -- Those damn file photos..., "The Springfield Files" They show a few seconds of his video, which Kent dubs as Close encounter of the blurred kind." The alien has appeared in the same Springfield pasture the past two Friday nights. Will it appear again this Friday? The entire Channel 6 news team will be there, except for Bill, the boom mike operator, who's getting fired tomorrow. [boom mic falls and hits Kent in the head] Very unprofessional, Bill. -- The sorrows of the underappreciated boom mic operator, "The Springfield Files" Lisa still isn't convinced, and thinks there must be a more logical explanation and doubts the town will buy the story based on the tape. The doorbell rings. Homer answers the door and the questions of the rabble of believers. Hibbert: Is the alien carbon-based, or silicone-based? Homer: Uhhh... the second one. Zillifone. Next question? Barney: [drunk] Is the alien Santa Claus? Homer: Uh... yes! Ned: Uh, where you on my roof last night stealing my weather vane? Homer: This interview is over! [goes in, slams the door] [said weather vane falls on the "Welcome" mat] -- And your tabletray, and camping equipment and camcorder..., "The Springfield Files" That Sunday, Lovejoy bases his sermon on Homer's encounter. I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. He came in peace, and then died, only to come back to life. And his name was... E.T., the extraterrestrial. [sniffs] I love that little guy. -- Lovejoy reads from Spielberg's bible, "The Springfield Files" Later, that Friday night, the town sets up a fiasco filled with music and t-shirt sales in anticipation of the alien's third visit. Mr. Largo gets a five-member band to practice the "Close Encounters" theme, Jimbo tries to get tickets to Pearl Jam, and Leonard Nimoy's getting a hot dog. Bart: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here? Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near. Bart: [flippantly] Uh-huh. Man: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog? Nimoy: Surprise me. [the hot dog man hesitates, then puts a whole batch of what appears to be lettuce on top] -- The surprise is what comes after you eat the hot dog, "The Springfield Files" Homer tries to prove to Lisa that he's being respected because there are "Homer was Right" t-shirts being sold, instead of "Homer is a Dope" t-shirts, which, in actuality, were sold out in five minutes. "D'oh!" Even Maggie and Marge are wearing those. Homer: Marge, how could you?? Marge: These shirts are a hundred percent cotton. And look at the fine stitching on "dope". Homer: I'll take two. -- Proving the shirts' point, "The Springfield Files" Clouds gather, the eerie music starts and the green glowing alien returns. The entire town is flabbergasted, and Marge apologises to Homer for doubting him. Alien: I bring you love! Hibbert: [smoking a cigar] Is that the love between a man and a woman or the love of a man for a fine Cuban cigar? [chuckles] Alien: Uh... I bring you love! Lenny: It's bringing love! Don't let it get away! Carl: Break its legs! -- Love, the harbinger of destruction, "The Springfield Files" The town suddenly gets an array of weaponry and start trying to attack the alien to capture him. Lisa stops them by turning a flashlight on the alien, revealing it to actually be Mr. Burns. Burns: Hello, children! I bring you love! Willy: Aah! It's a monster! Kill it! Kill it! Smithers: It's not a monster! It's Mr. Burns! WIlly: [tender] Aw, it's Mr. Burns. [raging] Kill it! Kill it! -- What's the difference?, "The Springfield Files" Smithers urges them to hear his explanation for it all. This is all the result of medical procedures designed to help Mr. Burns cheat death for another week, including an extensive chiropractic readjustment, eyedrops (which enlarge Mr. Burns' pupils), pain killers and a vocal chord scraping. Don't worry. You won't feel a thing. [exhibiting a swirling mechanical device] Till I jam this down your throat! -- Nick Riviera, "The Springfield Files" "The whole ordeal leaves Mr. Burns twisted and disoriented" explains Smithers. Mr. Burns wanders out the hospital and off into the woods, where he's later seen beaming a green glow. The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money. -- Nick Riviera, "The Springfield Files" Bart: But, what's with the glowing? Burns: Um, I'll field that question. A lifetime of working in a nuclear power plant has given me a healthy green glow. [to himself] And left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. And now that I'm back to normal, I don't bring you peace and love. I bring you fear, famine, pestilence and... Nick: [shooting Burns with a needle of painkiller] Time for a booster! [Burns reverts back to his alien-like state] Burns: [singing] Good morning, starshine. The Earth says hello. Nimoy joins in, and soon all of Springfield -- with Mulder, Scully and Chewbacca -- is waving together, singing "Good Morning Sunshine." They raise their arms in the air, and the picture is yet again frozen in Nemoy's book, now narrated by the Generic Teenager. And so concludes our tale. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night, and keep watching the skis. Uh, skies. -- Our favorite pimple-faced teenager of all, "The Springfield Files" Eerie "X-files music" closes the show. [End of Act Three. Time: 21:20]


{as} Andrius Schmid {bjr} Benjamin J. Robinson {btg} Bruce Goldman {ch} Chris Herold {ddg} Don Del Grande {dga} Dale G. Abersold {eh} Eric Hartman {gb} Greg Bigoni {gg} Greg Galon {jh} Jason Hancock {jk} Joe Klemm {jrc} James R. Curry {hl} Haynes Lee {ljs} Liam J. Scanlan {mss} Marge Starbrod-Simpson {ol} Ondre Lombard {sf} Steve Frayne {tg} Ted Graham {vc} Vince Chan

Legal Mumbo Jumbo

This episode capsule is Copyright 1997 Frederic Briere. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer (capsules@snpp.com). All quoted material, episode summaries and duely licensed screen-savers remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. The transcript itself is Copyright 1997 Ondre Lombard. Residents of the state you are in, please add the usual 174.25% sales tax. This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today. Many well-deserved cheers and thanks to Dave "ubiquitous" Hall, who provided me with alt.tv.simpsons archives over the past two months. This capsule wouldn't be nearly as complete without his invaluable help.