[1F07] The Last Temptation of Homer

The Last Temptation of Homer                              Written by Frank Mula
                                                       Directed by Carlos Baeza
Production code: 1F07                        Original airdate in N.A.: 9-Dec-93
                                                  Capsule revision J, 21-Jul-96

Title sequence

Blackboard :- Bart writes a long punishment:

              All work and no play makes Bart a
              dull boy. All work and no play makes
              Bart a dull boy. All work and no play
              makes Bart a dull boy. All work and no
              play makes Bart a dull boy.
              All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
                      All work and no play makes Bart
                         a dull boy. All work and
                               no play makes Bart
                                    a dull
              All work and no play makes
              Bart a dull boy. All
Lisa's Solo:- Unusual, random atonal bursts

Couch      :- The family runs in and sit down, but then they notice the
              living room looks different.  The camera pans slightly
              right, and we see David Letterman sitting at his desk with
              his back to us.  He turns around and smiles.

Did you notice...

    ... Stuart the duck in the power plant sounds a lot like Donald
    ... after Bart receives the spray for his throat, his voice sounds
        like Jerry Lewis'?
    ... Barney is singing the "I Dream of Jeanie" theme in Homer's
    ... Mindy refers to Capital City as "The Windy Apple"?
    ... the "Capital City" theme music?
    ... Homer's hotel room number is 61?
    ... regarding "Madam Chao's", the pun on the word "chaos"?

Dave Hall:
    ... Maggie wasn't shown in this episode?
    ... Zutroy wears suspenders and his tie is tucked inside his pants?
    ... Burns' magic-coin trick?
    ... the dermatologist wears thick rubber gloves when applying the
        medicated salve to Bart's hair?
    ... the eyeglasses don't actually rest on Bart's ears?
    ... the weight of the eyeglasses makes Bart lean slightly forward?
    ... Homer stirs his "hot" coffee with his finger?
    ... Homer's tongue sticking of his mouth while he's unconscious?
    ... Homer gives his private area a double douse of spray?
    ... we only hear one crow call during this episode?

Elson Trinidad:
    ... Marge's hair brushes audibly against Bart's doorway?
    ... the sign at the National Energy Convention burns out?
    ... Hans Moleman works for the solar power industry?

Ron Carter:
    ... Homer refers to Roger Ebert of "Siskel and Ebert, At the
    ... Homer mangles Barry Manilow's "Oh Mandy" -- twice?
    ... one of the kids in the Refuge of the Damned builds a model of
        the Enterprise from Star Trek, the original series?
    ... at the "What About Wind?" booth, there's an electric fan blowing
        on the windmill?

Don Del Grande:
    ... Homer stiffs the bellhop?
    ... Clinton had a SECRET affair?  You mean besides the one everybody
        knows about?  :-)

Thomas Baker:
    ... the stolen pens leak on Homer's back seat?
    ... Homer thinks _trout_ are making fun of him?
    ... Homer likes Nazis?

Ricardo Lafaurie:
    ... Charlie is a dangerous emissions supervisor?
    ... the book that falls on Bart's head is Advanced Calculus?
    ... Homer's hair flying while he and Col.  Klink fly?
    ... one of the nerds was writing out the quadratic formula?
    ... Mindy eats and eats and doesn't gain an ounce?  (It must be her
    ... Homer hurls his brick in similar fashion to Ignatz Mouse?
    ... the ming vase in the Madame Chao's?

Voice credits

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Zutroy, optometrist, Barney, Abe, large
      palm man, Hans Moleman)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Kearney, Rod Flanders)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (Carl, orthopedic doctor, "female" doctor, Jerry
      Lewis, Moe, Joey Jo-Jo, "Burmese Melon Fly" man, Sir Isaac Newton,
      Jeeves, presidential adviser, hick kid, Bellhop, fossil fuel
      bully, Man 1 who hates nuclear power, Waiter 2 at Madam Chao's)
    - Harry Shearer (Skinner, Lenny, Charlie, Burns, Smithers, Agent
      Wesson, Dr. Hibbert, Brockman, Flanders, Man 2 who hates nuclear
      power, Energy King & Queen announcer, Waiter 1 at Madam Chao's)
- Special Guest Voice
    - Phil Hartman (Lionel Hutz)
    - Werner Klemperer (Colonel Klink)
    - Michelle Pfeiffer (Mindy)
    - Marcia Wallace (Mrs. Krabappel)
- Also Starring
    - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse, Jimbo, Nerd 2)
    - Maggie Roswell (Miss Hoover, Department of Labor agent,
      dermatologist, NRA woman, Nerd 1)
    - Russi Taylor (Martin, Sherri, Terri, chanting trout)

Movie (and other) references

  + "The Last Temptation of Christ"
    - episode title
  + New Testament
    - Homer: "Colonel Klink, why have you forsaken me?" similar to
      Jesus' reputed words on the cross
  + "The Shining"
    - Bart's blackboard punishment similar to Jack Nicholson's "book"
    "My Fair Lady" {tab}
    - Bart saying "loverly"
  + Terry Gilliam's "Brazil"
    - Department of Labor coming in through the roof
    - woman mentions the Brazilian soccer team shortly afterwards
  + Botticelli's "The Birth of Venus"
    - Mindy, naked, in clam shell just like the painting
    - Carl and Lenny as the "putti", or little angels
  + "Hogan's Heroes"
    - Colonel Klink from HH is Homer's guardian angel
  + "A Christmas Carol"/"It's a Wonderful Life"
    - Klink showing Homer how it could have been
  + P. G. Wodehouse {tc}
    - Homer's butler is named "Jeeves"
    "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In" {rc}
    - Homer's head: "Bravo!" followed by one person clapping is how
      "Laugh-In" always ended.
    "Real Genius"/"Parker Lewis"
    - Bart being led by Martin through the tunnels
  + "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"
    - Indian boy saying, "the refuge of the damned"
  + "Wizard of Oz"
    - Burns to monkeys: "Fly, my pretties!"
  + Katz v.  United States (1967) {rl}
    - see below
    Krazy Kat {rl}
    - Homer hurls the brick similar to how Ignatz Mouse does it
  + "Lady and the Tramp"
    - Homer and Mindy share a chili dog just like Lady and Tramp share a
      strand of spaghetti

Previous episode references

- [7F18] Burns: "Ah, Ziggy!  Will you ever win?"  (cf. Homer saying
  Ziggy's too preachy) {pt}
- [8F08] Patty and Selma shaving {rl}
- [8F18], [9F12], [9F18], [9F22] Bart the cockney boy
- [8F19] Homer has a near-affair {rl}
- [9F06] Mindy: "Can't talk, eating" (cf. Homer at the Frying Dutchman
  in 9F06)
- [9F09] Homer imagines Barney in the jumbo thong bikini he got {rl}
- [9F14] The drunk with X'd out eyes from 1F07 is on the "Is Your Spouse
  a Souse?" pamphlet in 9F14 {jd}
- [9F18] Barry White, "Can't Get Enough of Your Love"
- [9F21] Animals working at the plant {rl}
- [1F04] Homer: "But I'm so sweet and tasty!"  (cf. "But they're so
  sweet!" in 1F07) {ra}
- [1F06] Mrs. Krabappel's mocking "Hah!"

Freeze frame fun

- Miscellaneous signs:
    - "Hibbert Moneymaking Organization"
    - "Trout Hatchery"
    - "Capital City Plaza Hotel, Legionnaires' Disease-Free since 1990"
- The books that fall out of the locker: {rc}
    - Early American History
    - Geography
    - Math
    - Science
    - Advanced Calculus
- The bar napkin has a little drunk with X'd out eyes, and it reads,
  "Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction.  Talk to the
  woman and you'll realize you have nothing in common."
- The TV ad is for the National Ringworm Association "(The Other
- "Marital Stress Hotline": {rc}
    - phone number is KL5-1680
    - picture shows a woman holding a rolling pin, and a man with a lump
      on his head talking on the phone
- In the nerds' hideaway: {rc}
    - Algebraic notations
        - one of them is the quadratic formula: {rl}
              + _  _____
           -b -  \/ 4AC [sic]
        - nerd writes final "a" when Bart comes in {rl}
    - Model of the "Enterprise" from "Star Trek"
    - Diagrams of chemical compounds
    - Model of our solar system
    - Multiplication problem (10972 x 360, done incorrectly)
- On various hands: {rc}
    - "Mindy because of our uncontrollable attraction I think we should
      avoid each other from now on."
    - "Max, what I did, I did because of alcohol and anger."
    - "I'm tired of these jokes about my giant hand.  The first such
      incident occurred in 1956 when..."
- At the Energy Convention: {rc}
    - Capital City Convention Center
        - Welcome National Energy Convention
    - Cold Fusion
    - Oil Power
    - What About Wind?
    - Coal
    - Solar Energy
        - Cheap, Clean Hope For Tomorrow
    - replaced by Fossil Fuel
    - Use us and no one gets hurt
    - Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
        - As seen on 60 minutes
        - picture of Burns with the atom logo sitting on his shoulder
- At Madam Chao's: {rc}
    - "Valet Parking" sign
    - Fortune cookies:
        - "You will find happiness with a new love"
        - "Stick with your wife"

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

In the opening scene, Milhouse faces the parking lot; when the camera
changes angles, he is facing Bart.

When Bart repaints the lines, how does he get rid of the existing lines
without leaving a trace?  {ddg}

The car where Mrs. Krabappel should be has a Krabappel-colored person
that looks very similar to Miss Hoover in one shot.  {rl}

When Mr. Largo is parking, the front part of the passenger side of his
car is drawn over part of the car next to it; there's no way he could
have parked it without a much wider turn radius.  {ddg}

Bart's paintbrush and paint disappear.  {dh}

Miss Hoover's car ends up slightly more purple than it started.  {ddg}

Doesn't it seem so peculiar for all the teachers to arrive at school at
the same time?  {dh}

In order for Bart to set up the "parking space" gag, both Milhouse and
he would have arrive early (and miss the school bus).  {dh}

After the canister drops, the robot-arm disappears.  {dh}

If there's no way out of the room with the door painted on the wall, how
did everybody get in?  {ddg} [Dave Hall says, "Through the normal way --
by a door.  I assume in cases of emergencies, normal doors are probably
locked, to prevent contamination.  (So the gang would look for an
emergency exit.)"]

On Burns' desk, the quill pen changes ink-wells.  {dh}

The notepad only appears when Burns needed it.  {dh}

The notepad Smithers throws turns into book on floor.  {dh}

Charlie's hard hat disappears before he gets sucked up.  {dh}

In one scene, the quill pen turns black.  {dh}

Burns is asked to "hire at least one woman," but in previous episodes,
women employees have been clearly visible at the plant: 1F02, 9F05, 8F04
come to mind.

Should an optometrist have a stethoscope?  {dh}

Did you notice how convenient it was for the optometrist to pull from
his coat pocket, the correct pair of eyeglasses for Bart?  {dh}

If Bart wears big shoes then technically, he should be at least a good
five inches taller than most other kids.  {dh}

Carl & Lenny are to Homer's left, but the viewpoint from Smithers &
Mindy depicts C&L as standing directly in front of Homer.  {dh}

The pipe over Homer, as he runs out of his workstation, appears to enter
his workstation, but stops short of the wall.  {dh}

SNPP's parking lot seems pretty full at the end of Homer's shift.  {dh}

There really isn't much of a point in stealing pens if you're only going
to store them on the back seat of your car.  {dh}

At Moe's Tavern, Barney's and Homer's mugs change places.  {dh}

Mindy's purse only appears when she needed it.  {dh}

Perhaps seeing Homer sliding down a cooling tower is funny, but it's
stupid to place an elevator inside (or around) a cooling tower and to
show Homer & Mindy descending several floors before showing Homer
sliding down from the top of the cooling tower.  {dh}

When Marge greets Homer, the front door should open to the right, not
the left.  {dh}

The TV remote in Homer's hand vanishes.  {dh}

Homer shoves the phone book into the telephone.  {dh}

Slow-mo on Homer, inside the telephone booth, shows him hitting the
ground, face down, but after the bounce Homer's head faces sideways.

When Klink shows Spirit Homer how his life would be, we see Homer
playing tennis right-handed.  When Homer says "I, as well", he is still
holding his racket in his right hand.  Then Homer asks Jeeves "are you
happy?" and the "camera" cuts to a different angle, and Homer's racket
has changed hands; he then proceeds to serve left-handed.  {md}

Returning from the dream, Homer's head faces the other direction.  {dh}

In the dark, Bart isn't drawn with his eyeglasses.  {ddg}

Martin's pens are missing from his pocket during the lighting of the
candle.  {dh}

In the "refuge of the damned", the kid writing the binomial equation
uses both a capital "A" and a small "a" for the same variable.  {ddg}

Lisa's position seen in the mirror is incorrect.  {dh}

The hotel is the "Capital City Plaza Hotel" - but isn't the city spelled
"CAPITOL City"?  {ddg} [Dave Hall suggests the misspelling could be to
get around any ordinances or trademarks.]

The door to Homer's hotel suite opens to the left, but opens to the
right when Homer enters the room with Mindy.  {dh}

Homer leaves his suit jacket back at the restaurant.  {dh}

With Homer & Marge laying on the hotel bed, whose hand is that turning
off the lamp?  Could the hand belong to Homer?  (Even with him lying on
his back with Marge on top of him?)  {dh}


Cameron Campbell: A most triumphant episode!  Better than 'Rosebud,' it
    was made excellent by the presence of a clear, coherent theme.  I
    was also happy to see Homer acting like his bumbling, confused old
    self again instead of the mean, vicious Homer that we have seen so
    much of this season.

Brendan Dunn: This one has put to rest the idea that the show is going
    downhill.  It may have hit a dry spell, but they seem to be back on
    track now.

Mike Loux: Definitely one of the (if not *THE*) best episodes of the
    season!  It had all the classic ideosyncrasies (damn your feeble
    brain!) of the "Homer's job" type episodes, including: Burns'
    tightfistedness -- "Someone is charging room service to our
    company!"  The general quality of the workers - "We can't pee in the
    drinking fountain!" among other things.

Joey Berner: Well, "The Last Temptation of Homer" just didn't quite work
    to me.  [...] It was just there.  Average.  So what.  A little dull
    in fact.  Once again they've gone back to the two stories per
    episode, neither seeming to fit with the other.  I really can't
    think of any memorable quotes from this one so I guess my review
    would be a "C".

Don Frega: Last night's episode certainly used all the standard devices
    well, but it was fairly predictable.  The unexpected (such as Burns'
    teddy bear's journey) is what really sets The Simpsons apart from
    other shows; "Last Temptation" simply didn't deliver this.  The
    ghost of Colonel Klink was a fine touch, although that too seemed a
    bit predictable.

Don Del Grande: I give it a B-; they got their act together concerning
    keeping both the main story and the subplot going throughout the
    show, but the story didn't seem to have any "snap" to it, and I for
    one saw that ending coming the second Homer invited Mindy into his
    room.  I was expecting Mindy to mention that she had a husband and
    three kids...

Tom Collins: I thought everyone would love this.  It's got a coherent
    story not based on a parody of anything specific, has a great new
    character, great lines, great situations, funny lines, and takes on
    corporate greed by high-tech firms (Zutroy), the energy industry's
    assault on solar power, HMOs, and lots of other stuph in typical OFF
    fashion.  Now people are calling the show predictable.  Ha!

Marlon Shows: A+.  Funniest episode of the year.  Should win an emmy!

Hugh Brown: Last night's episode, "The Last Temptation of Homer," was
    the funniest episode ever.  I thought everything, thats everything,
    was hysterical.  The writing was just perfect, the voices, tripped-
    out Bart voice, insane underground nerd farm.  I was screaming like
    there was no tomorrow.

Ron Carter: "A" - A solid "A" with no doubts.  Good clean refs that were
    in context; Homer pulls through in the end.  Highlights were Homer
    having the Botticelli hallucination, Barney does "Jeannie".

Carl Frank: Another winner.  Not quite as good as the season's best
    (Rosebud), but a compact and logical story.  Only flaw: Mindy's
    attraction to Homer was never explained and was a tad unbelievable.
    But nothing can top Colonel Klink (Verner Klemperer) as Homer's
    conscience.  [...] Overall rating B/B+.

Keith Lim: The second storyline (or subplot) involving Bart was
    uninspired and didn't seem related to the main story at all.  The
    main plot was implausible, and ended abruptly, leaving loose threads
    (i.e., not a tidy resolution).  [...] This episode I consider to be
    one of the poorer ones of this season.  C+, salvaged only by its

Yours truly: Good episode.  I was laughing very hard for much of it.
    Too many choice moments to recount in a short space.  And lots of
    great references, too!  Michelle Pfeiffer was a fine casting choice.
    [...] I give it a B, not an A because Mindy being attracted to Homer
    was, well, a little far-fetched.

Comments and other observations

Bart's cockney accent

Bart talks briefly in a Cockney accent in this episode, just as he did
    in 8F18 ("...pain in me gulliver"), 9F12 ("What a revoltin'
    development"), 9F18 ("Shine yer boots, guv'ner?"), and 9F22 ("...
    best in all Westminster!")  The "gulliver" line is a "Clockwork
    Orange" reference, says Ricardo Lafaurie.  Bart's other lines refer,
    respectively, to "My Fair Lady", "A Christmas Carol", and "Mary

Michael Neylon disagrees, however.  "I've actually seen CO, and Alex's
    accent is NEVER that obnoxious during the whole movie (Its more of a
    monotone-like thing...it was done well in 9F04).  Nor does Alex ever
    say lines similar to the few in question."  He says that Bart's
    accent reminds him of "the accent that Dick van Dyke uses in `Mary

Zutroy, as American as apple pie

Tom Collins notes, "60 Minutes recently did a story on Hewlett-Packard
    hiring Eastern Bloc people as programmers, then dramatically
    underpaying them and keeping them as virtual slaves.  Shortly
    afterwards, H-P abandoned the program."

Political neutrality department

Elson Trinidad says, "When Kent Brockman discusses profiles of
    unfaithful presidents (Kennedy, Eisenhower, Bush, Clinton), that
    equals two Democrats and two Republicans."

"The Other NRA"

Tony Hill says, "This is a reference to the National Rifle Association,
    America's pro-gun lobby which has been known to oppose measures like
    putting `keep out of reach of children' on boxes of bullets.  They
    were a powerful and feared force in Washington until their clout
    suffered a massive stroke in 1993."  This stroke was the Brady Bill,
    a law which requires a seven-day wait between buying a gun and
    receiving it.

Homer's gibberish

When Homer tries to read his sweaty palm to Mindy, part of what he
    utters is "nom yo ho renge kyo."  Joshua Love noticed that this is
    "a mantra that Akbar and/or Jeff chanted once in one of the Life in
    Hell comic strips."  Jim Dyer says it's the title of the "Lotus
    Sutra", and Raymond J. Brennan recounts, "I remember meeting some
    [Buddhists] at a grocery store and they invited me over to chant.  I
    remember THAT as being the one chanted most....when chanted in
    repetition several times, while thinking of something you want, it
    will come."

Richard Oliver says that it is a Nichiren-Soshu Japanese chant, "Nam
    Myoho Renge Kyo", and that roughly translated, it means "Devotion to
    the mystical laws of cause and effect which govern all the sounds
    (activities) in the universe."  He goes on, "Part of the effort [of
    `Shakabuku' missionaries] is to persuade prospective converts that
    whatever they chant for they will receive."

Tom Collins correctly points out, "The chant also appears in `Revenge of
    the Nerds II' where the evil fraternity boys have the nerds in their
    underwear and facing crocodiles.  The nerds burst into a group chant
    of `Nam myo-ho renge kyo' in a desperate effort to invoke a

As well, the very last thing Homer says sounds like "Semper ex tyran
    --", which would make it awfully similar to what John Wilkes Booth
    said after shooting Lincoln: "Sic semper tyrannis," which means
    "Thus always with tyrants."

Lionel Hutz: "Get out of my office!"

Ricardo Lafaurie writes, "IMHO, this is a reference to the case of Katz
    v.  United States (1967).  In this case, the FBI had bugged a
    telephone booth without a warrant investigating Charles Katz.  As a
    result of the evidence gained, Katz was arrested and convicted in
    California for using telephone lines to transmit betting information
    from L.A. to Miami and Boston.  Katz took his case to the Supreme
    Court, which ruled in Katz' favor, and declared that this is illegal
    under the Fourth Amendment without a warrant.  Thus, Lionel Hutz was
    probably using the telephone lines to do something illegal without
    risk of being wiretapped at his house."

Barry Manilow's "Mandy"

Ron Carter supplied me with the words to "Mandy":
    Oh Mandy, you came and you gave without taking,
    And I sent you away.
    Oh Mandy, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
    And I need you today...

Contrast this to Homer's first version:
    Oh Mindy, you came and you gave without flaking,
    But I sent you Ben Gay.
    Oh Andy, you kissed me and stopped me from something,
    And I --

And Homer's second version:
    Oh Margie, you came and you found me a turkey,
    On my vacation away from worky.

Legionnaire's Disease

Tony Hill writes, "This often fatal malady was discovered at an American
    Legion convention at the Bellvue Stratford Hotel in Philadelphia in
    1976.  Some wags suggested the disease was caused by wearing blue,
    drinking lots of Scotch, and holding conservative views."

Burns and monkeys

Tim Connors lists the following running "Burns and simians" gags:

    - 8F02: Burns and the Monkey's Paw (Guy de Maupassant reference)
    - 9F04: Burns and King Homer
    - 9F15: Burns' roomful of near-Shakespeare-typing chimps
    - 1F01: the robo-Burns/"Planet of the Apes" thing {rl}
    - 1F02: Burns' reference to "the Jade Monkey"
    - 1F02: Planet of the Apes/Robo-Burns
    - 1F07: Flying monkeys

Quotes and Scene Summary

[Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
Ricardo Lafaurie and Michael Hendren.]

At school, Bart and Milhouse play a prank: they paint new dividing lines
in the parking lot.

    Bart: The beauty of it is, each parking space is a mere one foot
          narrower -- indistinguishable to the naked eye!  But therein
          lies the game.
Milhouse: I fear to watch, yet I cannot turn away.
-- Milhouse, Prince of Denmark, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Watch, he does.  Principal Skinner pulls into an empty spot between two
cars, parks, and tries to open his door.

Skinner: Blast it, woman!  You parked too close.  Move your car!
   Edna: I'm in the lines!  You got a problem, go tell your Mama.
Skinner: Oh, don't worry: she'll hear about this.
-- Sparkling repartie in the school parking lot, "The Last Temptation of

Complete chaos ensues in the rest of the parking lot.  "I can't get
out!" one man yells.  "I'm trapped," observes Miss Hoover.  "I can't
breathe!" says another.  Bart laughs evilly at the success of his prank.

Eventually, in the grade four class, Mrs. Krabappel lectures them.

Edna: Class, I know there's no way to prove who actually did this, and
      in our American democracy, everyone is innocent until proven
Bart: God bless America.
Edna: But _my_ classroom is not a democracy.  Hah!  For the rest of the
      year, Bart Simpson will be the first student called on for _every_
-- Life in Springfield Socialist Elementary, "The Last Temptation of

"Well, let's get started," she finishes, turning to the board.  "Can
someone pronounce this word?" she queries, underlining "photosynthesis"
on the blackboard.  She looks around the class for a victim, ignoring
Martin (whose hand is raised) to ask Bart.  Bart hums and haws, and
Martin starts to make little grunting noises in desperation.  How he
would love to be called on!  "Oh, pick me, teacher: I'm ever so smart!"
he strains, while Bart continues to be perplexed.  Eventually Martin can
no longer hold back.  {Some of Bart's hesitations were cut in

Martin: It's "photosynthesis"!  [angrily] Damn your feeble brain.
  Bart: [plaintive] Oh, I couldn't read it.  The letters are all blurry.
  Edna: [mistrustful] Is it possible all your misbehavior and miserable
        grades have been caused by a simple vision disorder?
  Bart: [with a cockney accent] Ya mean it ain't me noggin, it's me
        peepers?  Well, that's just loverly.
-- Bart explained, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

At the nuclear plant, a man wearing an anti-contamination suit in a
sealed-off room handles nuclear waste.  Homer, Lenny, Carl, and Charlie
watch him.  "Watch this, guys," says Homer, manipulating a mechanical
arm so that it pinches the man's butt.  The man is startled, and he
drops the container of waste on the ground.  A greenish gas begins to
fill the room, and the man runs to the window, pleading with his eyes
for the observers to do something.  He pounds on the glass as he

  Lenny: Uh oh...he's done for!
   Carl: Ehh, don't worry.  The safety glass will protect us.
          [Gas leaks through the glass]
  Lenny: Run!  We'll hide at my house.
          [They run towards the door but crash into the wall]
Charlie: Hey!  This emergency exit is painted on!
-- Proper safety measures, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

"There's no way out," Carl says frantically.  "We're doomed, we're
doomed!"  They huddle as the deadly green gas surrounds them.

In the next scene, Charlie is in Mr. Burns' office.

Charlie: Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous
         escape, but we desperately need a _real_ emergency exit!
  Burns: Why, that's a _fabulous_ idea!  Anything else you'd like?  How
         about real lead in the radiation shields?  Urinal cakes, maybe?
-- Is it an either/or?, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Mr. Burns hands Smithers a pad and contemptuously tells him to throw it
at Charlie.  It smacks Charlie in the face.  Then, Mr. Burns pushes a
red button behind his desk.  A glass tube comes down from the ceiling
and covers the hapless Charlie, sucking upwards and out of sight.
"Smithers, where does that tube go?"  Monty asks idly.  Smithers doesn't
know; it was there when they moved in.

It would seem that the tube goes to India somewhere.  Charlie is
deposited, standing up, in the middle of a round table at which six men
are seated.  "Dance!  Dance!" they chant, and Charlie does so,
hesitantly.  The men start to cheer and ululate over the slow drum beat.

Back at the power plant, Smithers and Burns discuss what to do now.

Smithers: Sir, we'll need a new dangerous emissions supervisor.
   Burns: Yes, well find someone cheap!  It's been a very lean year for
          us...[glances at Smithers and smiles]
Together: Money fight!
           [They throw stacks of cash at one another, grunting and
-- Well, not _that_ lean, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Smithers finds just the man for the job.  Mr. Burns stands over the new
man's shoulder, watching him work.

Zutroy: [reaches slowly for a button in front of him, then changes his
        mind at the last minute and pushes a different one]
 Burns: Excellent, Zutroy!  Work hard, and each day you'll get a shiny
-- Hard work for fifty cents a year, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Just then, a number of figures clad in black body-suits plunge through
the roof on ropes.

   Man: Agent Wesson, Department of Labor.  This man is an illegal
 Burns: That's preposterous.  Zutroy here is as American as apple pie.
Zutroy: Tocnikrabda, mistah Boons.
-- English is his second language, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Woman: This plant violates every labor law in the book.  We found a
       missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
Burns: That plane crashed on _my_ property.
-- Inalienable right of ownership, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

  Man: Look, Mr. Burns: we want to see some changes.  For starters, you
       can reverse your sexist employment policies, and hire at least
       one woman.
Burns: All right...I'll bring in a woman.  But I still stand by my
       hiring policies.
        [A quacking duck in a hardhat pulls a wagon in]
       Get back to work, Stuart!
-- Sub-minimum wage, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Marge has taken Bart to the "Hibbert Moneymaking Organization".  Dr.
Hibbert tells her he'll be able to provide every medical service they'll
ever need under one roof.  "You do have insurance, don't you?" he
checks, pressing a button.  A glass tube begins to slide down from the
roof over Marge's hair, and then it stops.  When Marge answers in the
affirmative, the tube slides back up.  Dr. Hibbert laughs and suggests
they go visit the optometrist.

Optometrist: Your son has a temporary condition called "Lazy Eye" where
             one eye is weaker than the other.  You'll have to wear
             these for two weeks.  [places horn-rimmed glasses on Bart]
       Bart: Ohh...
Optometrist: Menachem Begin wore a pair just like them!
-- Oh, well, that's OK then, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

The optometrist notices that Bart's scalp is a little dry, and he
recommends that Bart see the dermatologist.

Rub a palmful of this medicated salve into your scalp every half an
hour.  Keep him away from open flames and pregnant women.
-- The dermatologist deals with Bart's dry scalp, "The Last Temptation
    of Homer"

The orthopedic doctor fits Bart with a pair of clunky shoes to fix his
fallen arches.  Another doctor thinks Bart's throat is a little dry, and
she sprays it with something.  Bart coughs, and then says "Thanks, nice
lady.  My voice is crazy with this spraying already," sounding a good
deal like Jerry Lewis.  "Ay!  I feel so much better, Mr. Medical-

Lenny, Carl, and Homer have gotten word of Mr. Burns' new hiring

Lenny: Aw, if they hire a woman we won't be able to spit on the floor.
 Carl: And we can't take off our pants when it gets real hot.
Homer: And we won't be able to pee in the drinking fountain...
        [Lenny and Carl look at each other suspiciously]
       Er, I mean, not...you know, if we wanted to...not that I...
       ever...did --
-- And you'll have to leave the seat down, "The Last Temptation of

Smithers walks in with an attractive woman in a hard hat.

Smithers: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet your new co-worker, Mindy
          Simmons.  I think she has a degree in Engineering or
   Mindy: Hi...how's it going?
   Lenny: Oh, pleased to meet you.
    Carl: [bored] Yeah, ditto.
-- Carl, the life of the party, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer greets her too, but all of a sudden he has a vision of Mindy,
naked, her private parts strategically covered, standing in a giant open
clam.  Sweet violin music swells in the background.  Miniature naked
Carl and Lenny cupids fly by.  "Homer, what's the matter?" asks cupid
Lenny.  "Ain't you ever seen a naked chick riding a clam before?" jeers
cupid Carl.  "Gotta go!"  Homer cries, running out a door and slamming
it.  "What the hell was that?" he asks.

I probably shouldn't have eaten that packet of powdered gravy I found in
the parking lot.
-- Homer tries to explain away a sexy vision, "The Last Temptation of

Bart goes back to school with his new glasses, slicked hair, and clunky

Sherri+Terri: Nice glasses, four-eyes!  Tee hee hee.
      Nelson: Yeah, nice shoes, uh...two-feet.  Yeah.
      Martin: Your appearance is comical to me.
-- Bart walks into class with new glasses and shoes, "The Last
    Temptation of Homer"

Bart looks at Milhouse and sees his reflection in Milhouse's glasses.
"I'm a nerd!" he gasps.  "So am I!"  Milhouse gasps.

Homes leaves the nuclear plant at the end of the day.

Yep...another day, another box of stolen pens.
-- Homer leaves work for the day, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

"Have a good night, Homer!"  Mindy calls to him as she gets on her
motorcycle.  "You too," Homer calls belatedly as Mindy drives off.  He
gets in his car and surveys his senses: "No goosebumps, no
hallucinations; that last time was just a fluke," he sighs with relief.

He fails to notice that he's driving down the highway in reverse while
other cars swerve all around him and yell at him.  He whistles merrily
away until he backs over the curb and through a fence into a trout
hatchery.  He lands square in the center of a pool, submerging his car
half way.  A chorus line of trout appears and the wee fishies chant,
"Homer loves Mindy!  Homer loves Mindy!"  Cupid Carl appears and says
conspiratorially, "Hey Homer, you're hallucinating again."  Cupid Lenny
adds, "Not a good sign."

[End of Act One.  Time: 6:21]

Homer chats with Carl and Lenny the next day at work.

Homer: [hesitant] So...what do you guys think of Mindy?
 Carl: Seems OK.  Anybody see the game last night?
Homer: [dreamy] Yeah...that Mindy seems real nice.
Lenny: Homer, what's with you?  You're talking during a coffee break.
 Carl: Yeah.  You usually just take the box of donuts into the bathroom.
Homer: [pause] Mindy has a motorcycle.
-- Ah, middle-aged love, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Bart, meanwhile, tries to prove to everyone that his appearance hasn't
changed the rest of him.  He grabs his skateboard, but the heavy shoes
make him clumsy, and after a short ride down the hallway, he smashes
into a locker and lands with a calculus text open over his face.  "Hey!"
Jimbo threatens, "he's learning on his own!"  He, Dolph, and Kearney
pound the hapless nerd into the ground.

At Moe's tavern, Homer turns to Moe for advice.

 Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
   Moe: [bored] Yeah.
 Homer: See, I got this friend named...Joey Jo-Jo...Junior...Shabadoo --
   Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
         [A man leaves, weeping]
Barney: Hey, Joey Jo-Jo!
-- You'd think he'd be used to that by now, "The Last Temptation of

Homer sees little point in keeping up the charade.

 Homer: I'm attracted to another woman!  What am I going to do?
Barney: Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction.  Talk to the
        woman, and you'll realize you have nothing in common.
 Homer: [amazed] Barney, that is so insightful.  How did you come up
        with that?
Barney: It was on one of these bar napkins.
-- You can read?, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

At Barney's suggestion, Homer goes looking for Mindy; he finds her
eating donuts at her station.  He taps his fingers nervously together in
the doorway before speaking.

Homer: [awkwardly] Uh...so, let's have a conversation.  Um...I think
       we'll find we have very little in common.
Mindy: Can't talk -- eating.
Homer: [gasps] Hey, my favorite -- raspberry swirl with a double glaze.
Mindy: [drooling] Double glaze...
Homer: [whimpers] D'oh!  OK, so we have one thing in common.  But you
       know what I hate?  [craftily] Drinking beer and watching TV...
Mindy: [blissful] Oh, not me.  That's my idea of heaven.
Homer: [weakly] D'oh!  Me too.
Mindy: Really?  I can see I'm gonna love working with you.  Well, gotta
       go.  [whispers] I wanna sneak in a quick nap before lunch.
        [She walks off, and Homer can barely contain himself]
Homer: Foul temptress.  I'll bet she thinks Ziggy's gotten too preachy
-- Commonality of deadly sins, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer approaches an elevator somewhere in the plant and pushes the down

Homer: Whew!  I made it the whole day without seeing her again.
        [The elevator arrives and Homer gets in.  The door closes and he
       notices he's crammed in with Mindy]
       Aah!  I mean, hello!
Mindy: [awkward] Heh...I guess we'll be going down together -- I mean,
       getting off togeth -- I mean --
Homer: That's OK.  I'll just push the button for the stimulator -- I
       mean, elevator.
-- Blast that infernal double entendre, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer closes his eyes and chants unhappily, "Think unsexy thoughts,
think unsexy thoughts..." He imagines Patty and Selma in the bathroom
together, shaving their legs.  "Ohh, that's unsexy," he shudders.  He
then pictures Barney in a bikini: "Eww!"  Barney is singing the theme
from "I Dream of Jeanie" seductively, but he's interrupted when he

But Homer's vision then turns sexy; Barney becomes Mindy in a red bikini
and she blows him a kiss.  He snaps out of his reverie to see that
Mindy, too, is whispering "Think unsexy thoughts!  Think unsexy
thoughts!"  Homer can't take it any more, and he says, "Well, this is my
stop!"  He presses the "Stop" button in the elevator, forces the door
open, and steps out -- into the air.  As he slides down the cooling
tower, he calls back, "See you tomorrow!"

Homer: Ah, home to my loving family.  What more could a man ask for?
        [Marge appears in her nightie, blowing her nose]
Marge: Hi Hober.  Don't kiss be, I'b all stuffed ub.
Homer: Eww!
 Bart: Hi Dad.
Homer: Hi, son!  How ya -- [pats Bart's goop-slicked hair] Eww!
 Lisa: Dad, look: I made fishsticks.  They're burned on the outside but
       they're frozen on the inside so it balances out.
Homer: Yeah...good.
  Abe: [chasing SLH] That raccoon stole my lamb chop!
-- What more, indeed?, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer sits with Marge on the couch.  "Let's have a little quality time
together, just you and me," he says.  Marge thinks that's sweet, and she
shows Homer a T-shirt she got made at the mall with her photo on it.
Except they smeared it, so she got two dollars off.  The T-shirt makes
her look grotesque.

Homer: Hey, we haven't watched TV in a while!  [turns it on]
 Kent: Tonight, "Eye On Springfield" takes a look at the secret affairs
       of Kennedy, Eisenhower, Bush, and Clinton.  Did fooling around on
       their wives make them great?  We'll find out next, when we play
       "Hail to the Cheat."
Homer: [whimpers, changes channels]
  Man: {The Burmese Melon Fly has over a thousand sex partners, and
       suffers virtually no guilt --}
Homer: {[whimpers, changes channels]
        [A bunch of scantily clad women work out on weight machines]}
Woman: [seductive] Just do it!
Homer: Aah!  [runs out]
Woman: {[seductive] Examine your scalp for ringworm.  [Caption:
       "National Ringworm Association (The Other N.R.A.)"]}
-- Homer tries to avoid thinking about Mindy, "The Last Temptation of

In desperation, Homer calls a marriage counseling hotline.

Homer: Hello, hotline?  I'm very tempted by another woman.
  Ned: Homer Simpson?  That's a dilly of a pickle.  Let's conference you
       with Marge, huh?
-- So much for anonymity, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer yells and tries to get away, but he just knocks the phone booth on
its side.  The fall stuns him, and his spirit is pulled from his body by
another spirit.

 Homer: Who are you?
Newton: Homer, I'm your guardian angel.  I've assumed the form of
        someone you'd recognize and revere: Sir Isaac Newton.
 Homer: Sir Isa-who?
Newton: Oh, very well.  [transforms himself]
 Homer: [gasps] Colonel Klink!  Did you ever get my letters?
 Klink: I'm not actually Colonel Klink, I'm just assuming his form.
 Homer: Hee hee hee!  Did you know Hogan had tunnels all over your camp?
-- The chance of a lifetime, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Klink says that he's not there to discuss the show.

 Klink: My job is to show you how miserable life would be if you married
        Mindy instead of Marge.
         [He takes Homer's hand, and they fly into the air]
 Homer: Ooh!  I would live in a big mansion?
         [Homer and Mindy play tennis while Jeeves looks on]
 Mindy: I'm so happy, darling.
 Homer: I, as well.  Are you happy, Jeeves?
Jeeves: M'yes sir, quite.
 Homer: Then we're all happy!
 Klink: Let's get out of here...
-- Spirit Homer is shown the problem with cheating, "The Last Temptation
    of Homer"

Klink: Sure, life is good for you.  But what about Marge?
        [They fly over the White House]
Homer: [gasps] Marge lives here?
  Man: Madam President, your approval rating is soaring.
Marge: Hmm...
-- Alternate destinies shown to Spirit Homer, "The Last Temptation of

"This dream is over," Klink warns, and Homer is dropped back into his
body in the phone booth.  He struggles to free himself, and Lionel Hutz
walks up to the tipped booth and says indignantly, "Hey, you!  Get out
of my office!"

Meanwhile, at school, the bullies taunt Bart.  A hick boy dressed in
overalls with a straw hat and a piece of wheat is his teeth comments,
"Yer goofy-lookin', hyuck, hyuck," and the bullies beat Bart up.  Bart
manages to escape out of their ring, and he runs away frantically.  An
arm reaches from a locker and pulls him inside.  Martin lights a match
and Bart says in wonderment, "What the hell?"  Martin shushes him and
leads him to a room full of nerds.  Some play chess, some write on
blackboards or on walls, an another builds a model of the Enterprise.

    Bart: What is this place?
  Nerd 1: The refuge of the damned.
  Martin: [gleeful] A place where we can work on our extra-credit
          assignments without fear of reprisal.
  Nerd 2: Come!  You must be tired from the chase.  Oliver!  [claps]
          Bring our friend a hard-boiled egg and some prune juice.
  Martin: Finally, Bart's one of us!
Everyone: Excelsior!
-- Bart joins the nerd club, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer prepares himself in the bathroom for a day at work, spraying
deodorant on his body and singing.

Homer: [singing]
       Oh Mindy, you came and you gave without flaking,
       But I sent you Ben Gay.
       Oh Andy, you kissed me and stopped me from something,
       And I -- [sees Lisa watching] Uh oh.
 Lisa: Dad, why are you singing?
Homer: [thinking] Tell a lie, tell a lie.
        [spoken] Um, because I have a small role in a broadway musical.
       It's not much, but it's a start.
        [thinking] Bravo.  [sarcastic clapping]
-- Homer under pressure, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

 Lisa: Are you hiding something from me?
Homer: Like what?
 Lisa: Judging from your song, you're infatuated with a woman named
       Mindy.  [despondent] Or a man named Andy.
Homer: [making things up] Lisa, look out behind you!
 Lisa: [jovial] Dad, I'm not gonna fall for that.
Homer: No, Lisa, I swear to you: I'm 100% completely serious!  You've
       got to turn around right now before it's too late!
 Lisa: [turns] Huh?
Homer: [running away] Sucker!
-- No trick too childish, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer decides to tell Mindy in no uncertain terms that they should avoid
each other.

Homer: [reads writing on his palm] "Mindy, because of our uncontrollable
       attraction, I think we should avoid each other from now on."
Lenny: [reads writing on his own palm] "Max, what I did, I did because
       of alcohol and anger."
Man 2: [reads writing on his own large palm] "I am tired of these jokes
       about my giant hand.  The first such incidents occurred in 1956
-- Useful memory aids, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Mindy: Hi Homer...
Homer: Mindy!  [clears throat, glances at prepared speech on his hand
       which is now smeared]
       Oh no, I'm sweating like Roger Ebert.
        [reads] "Muh...Murphy: Use...you are a elf...uncontrollably...I
       think ...a we nom yo ho renge kyo."
-- Homer the inadvertent Buddhist, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Mr. Burns watches the two of them on a monitor.

          [Homer talks to Mindy on a monitor]
   Burns: Look at those two inseparable chums, Smithers.  That's exactly
          the teamwork we'd like to showcase at this year's energy
Smithers: Are you sure?
   Burns: Well, no one else seems to share the same spirit of...
           [Monitor one shows people fighting with chairs]
           [Monitor two shows people strangling each other]
           [Monitor three shows a dead man with Stuart the duck pecking
          his eye]
-- Serious communication problems, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Smithers: Simpson, Simmons: you two have been chosen to represent us at
          the national energy convention.  Congratulations!  You'll be
          spending two nights together in glamorous Capital City.
   Mindy: Wow, Capital City!  The Windy Apple!
Smithers: Come on, I'll get you the tickets.
   Homer: Oh, this is the worst crisis my marriage has ever faced!
          Colonel Klink, why have you forsaken me?
           [Klink materializes]
   Klink: What is it?  You have a question?
   Homer: Heh heh.  Did you know Kinch had a radio in the coffee pot?
   Klink: [suspicious] He did?
-- "The Last Temptation of Homer"

[End of Act Two.  Time: 14:49]

It's convention day!  Homer is shown his glamorous hotel room number 61
at the Capital City Plaza Hotel ("Legionnaires' Disease-Free since
1990") by a bellhop.

Bellhop: TV's there...bathroom's there...and there's your king-size bed
         for...[wolf-whistles, makes a cat noise, imitates a bed
         squeaking, purrs, pants, barks, howls, twiddles his lips] Hubba
  Homer: Stop that!  I love my wife and family.  All I'm gonna use this
         bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort.
-- The best of intentions, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer glances in the bathroom and is delighted to see they give him
complimentary mouthwash and shampoo.  "Free shower curtain!" he cries,
ripping it from its holders.  Across the hall, Mindy says and does the
same thing.

Mindy: Wow.  If it weren't for this wall, we'd be sleeping in the same
Homer: Yeah.  Uh, walls are a necessity in today's society, heh.
-- Homer waxes philosophical, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Mindy: Homer?  [whispers] I got a really wicked idea that could get us
       into a _lot_ of trouble.
Homer: Oh, Mindy...we have to fight our temptation.
Mindy: [seductive] No, Homer, let's do it.  [joyous] Let's call room
Homer: Oh...
-- Not what he had in mind, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

          {[a buzzer sounds in Mr. Burns' office]}
Smithers: {Someone is charging room service to the company, sir.}
   Burns: {Well, we'll just see about that.
           [Walks over to a cage full of monkeys with wings]
          Fly, my pretties, fly!
           [They walk to the window and plummet to their deaths]
           [sighs] Continue the research.}
-- Genetic engineering at SNPP, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer and Mindy sit on Homer's bed and gorge themselves, empty dishes
scattered about.

          [Grunting and slurping noises]
   Mindy: [mouth full] I can't believe we ordered so much!
   Homer: Oh, something's missing...ooh!  One of the turkeys fell behind
          the bed!
Together: Mmm...foot-long chili dog.
-- A match made in heaven, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

The two begin eating the chili dog, one from each end.  Their lips meet
in the middle, and they stare at one another in surprise.  Homer pulls
away, and all the buttons on his shirt pop open, revealing the Marge T-
shirt.  Suddenly the air is filled with the noise of Marge saying "Mmm."
Homer panics and thinks it's a omen, and he runs out, but the noise was
actually coming from a floor waxer.

Marge: Good news, honey: two weeks are up.  You don't have to wear your
       glasses any more!  And your scalp and posture seem fine.
 Bart: [triumphant] Yes!  [kicks shoes off]
       {[They fly through the air and smash through Flanders' window]}
  Ned: {Kids, did anyone pray for giant shoes?}
  Rod: {I did!}
  Ned: {Okily dokily.}
-- The Lord giveth..., "The Last Temptation of Homer"

At school, Nelson makes a suggestion to his fellow bullies.

We've been doing a lot of upper body work on Bart.  Today, let's pound
his kidneys.
-- Nelson's bullying acumen, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Bart strolls in, humming.  "Let's get -- huh?"  He looks normal!  "What
gives?" asks Jimbo.  "Gentlemen," Bart begins, "the nerd you knew is
dead.  Beat me and you will be beating one of your own."  The bullies
pause for a minute, then Nelson says, "Whatever," and they beat him

The "Welcome National Energy Convention" sign flashes briefly, but then
burns out.  {The camera pans past all the exhibits at the energy
convention inside the convention center: cold fusion, "Oil Power", "What
About Wind?", coal, and water.  It comes to rest on the solar energy
display ("Cheap, clean hope for tomorrow"), which is being run by Hans
Moleman.  A man in a suit with sunglasses asks, "So this stuff really
works?"  "It certainly does," says Hans proudly.  "Oh, well, lotsa
luck!" says the man, giving Hans a chop in the neck.  A number of other
men in suits appear, and two of them close red curtains around the
exhibit.  When they open them again, one man sits behind the desk in
front of a banner that says, "Fossil Fuel: Use Us and Nobody Gets

Homer and Mindy sit at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant booth.
Behind them, the booth's display proudly advertises, "As Seen on 60
Minutes".  Mindy files her nails.

Man 1: Thanks for poisoning the planet, bastard!
Mindy: Get bent!
Man 2: No more Chernobyl!
Homer: Go to hell!
-- Homer and Mindy run the Nuclear Energy display, "The Last Temptation
    of Homer"

Homer tosses a brick at him (which he had ready, as though he was
expecting trouble), and chuckles.

Homer: You know, I was a little worried about coming to this convention
       with you.  But I think as long as we're not alone together --
  Man: [over loudspeaker] And now, the moment you've been waiting for.
       This years King and Queen of Energy are Homer Simpson and Mindy
Homer: Huh?
        [Everyone applauds as the two are given crowns]
  Man: Homer, Mindy, you've just won a romantic dinner alone at Madam
       Chao's, the sexiest Chinese restaurant in Capital City.
Homer: Is there any way to get out of this?
  Man: [stern] No!
-- Accolades fit for a resume', "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer and Mindy finish their sexy dinner at Madam Chao's.

Mindy: [sighs] What a perfect evening.  It sure was nice of them to make
       us cheeseburgers.
Homer: Uh, yeah.
-- At a Chinese restaurant, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Homer opens his fortune cookie and reads his fortune.

Homer: [reading his fortune] "You will find happiness with a new love."
       [out loud] Aw, even the Chinese are against me.  [sigh] What's
       the point?  I can't fight fate.
        [In the kitchen...]
Man 1: Hey, we're out of these "New Love" cookies.
Man 2: Well, open up the "Stick With Your Wife" barrel.
-- Controversial fortune cookies, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Back at their hotel...

Homer: [unhappy] Well, I guess you'll want to come in.
Mindy: [bright] OK.
Homer: [mocking] "OK!"
        [They sit on the bed]
Mindy: This was a really nice night, Homer.
Homer: Yeah, yeah.
-- Homer, appreciative date, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

He begins sobbing.

Mindy: What's wrong?
Homer: Oh, yeah, like you don't know.  [weeping] We're gonna have sex!
Mindy: Oh...well, we don't have to.
Homer: [sad] Yes we do!  The cookie told me so.
Mindy: Well...desserts aren't always right.
Homer: But they're so sweet!
-- Homer and Mindy alone in the hotel, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Mindy tries to reassure him.

Mindy: Homer...you don't have to do anything you don't want to.
Homer: Well, maybe I want to...but then I think about Marge and the
       kids...well, not the boy: he drives me nuts.  Sometimes I'd just
       like to --
-- Wandering train of thought, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

Mindy says that Homer knows how she feels, and she tells him it's up to
him.  "Look in your heart; I think you'll see what you want."  Their
heads move slowly closer as though they're about to kiss passionately,
but instead they kiss briefly.  Homer makes up his mind and soon he is
drooling over shapely, female flesh as Barry Whites "Can't Get Enough of
Your Love" plays in the background.

Homer: Oh, baby.
Marge: This was a _wonderful_ idea, Homey.  [kisses him] Hey, there's a
       turkey behind the bed!
Homer: Mmm, Marge.
Marge: [laughs girlishly, turns out the light]
Homer: [sings]
       Oh Margie, you came and you found me a turkey
       On my vacation away from worky...
-- Homer, incurable romantic, "The Last Temptation of Homer"

In the dark, another pair of eyes appear.  The owner of the eyes wolf-
whistles, makes a cat noise, imitates a bed squeaking, purrs, pants,
barks, howls, twiddles his lips, and says, "Hubba, hubba!"  Homer
punches him in one eye.

[End of Act Three.  Time: 20:48]

Special thanks to Dave Hall for proofreading and editing this


   {ra}  Rakesh Agrawal
   {tab} Tom Baker
   {rc}  Ron Carter
   {tc}  Tom Collins
   {md}  Marc Desrochers
   {jd}  Jym Dyer
   {rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie
   {pt}  Paul Thrasher
This episode summary is Copyright 1996 by James A. Cherry.  Not to be
redistributed in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes
themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the
reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.  I'm
just taking credit for the compilation.)