[2F20] Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two

Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two                      Written by Bill Oakley & Josh
                                                         Directed by Wes Archer
Production code: 2F20                       Original airdate in N.A.: 17-Sep-95
                                                  Capsule revision G, 22-Feb-97

Title sequence

Blackboard :- I will not complain about the solution when I hear it.
              I will not complain about the solution when/ at cutoff.

Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro.

Couch      :- The couch moves to the side, and a police lineup chart
              falls from the ceiling.  The Simpsons line up in front of

Did you notice...

    ... Burns' hospital room number is 2F20, the same as the episode
        production code?

Don Del Grande:
    ... When Lisa says "I don't think that anyone in this family is
        capable of attempted murder", Maggie opens her eyes?
    ... Chespirito is in a KMEX van (see below)?
    ... Sideshow Mel's last name is "van Horne"?
    ... Tito Puente worked at "Chez Guevara"?
    ... the condom brands at "Chez Guevara" were "Party", "Chic", and
    ... Homer's "Haig in '88" shirt in the photo Wiggum showed to the
    ... the "El Barto" graffiti on the police station front steps?

Jeff Miller:
    ... the DNA computer plays the MS Windows "tada.wav" sound?

Dominik Halas:
    ... if the couch sequence is to be believed, Bart is _exactly_ three
        feet tall?
    ... Maggie curled up on the floor sleeping with Snowball II?
    ... Homer has no eyelashes to lose?
    ... Homer is clearly demonstrating his possession of opposable
        digits (by holding the gun) as Mr. Burns is saying he has none?

Ricardo Lafaurie:
    ... the Simpsons are only eating small pieces of bread?
    ... Grampa calls Smithers "Smingers"?
    ... Jasper's room number is 26?
    ... Grampa pours orange juice in his oatmeal?
    ... the fleeting shadow in Wiggum's dream?
    ... Lisa's darting eyes in Wiggum's dream?
    ... the lounge singer is the same as the singer in 7G10?
    ... the lounge singer does a flip?
    ... the trumpeters flip around their trumpets?
    ... the picture of Burns on the band's bongos?
    ... it's 10:40 when they talk to Skinner?
    ... the police officers closing one eye when Willy pulls a Sharon
    ... Homer driving with his knees?
    ... Homer puts an already-licked lollipop in his pocket?
    ... Scott Christian carries a FOX microphone?
    ... the DNA computer has the names of all the former Beatles that
        are alive?
    ... the police never check out Barney?  (Note Lisa's poster didn't
        have his face crossed out.)
    ... the matter of the oil well is never resolved?

Dave Hall:
    ... Smithers doesn't completely finish his scotch?
    ... Smithers smokes?
    ... Burns' racer is the only car to have two people in it?
    ... the two beer cans on the floor of Smithers' apartment?
    ... Chief Wiggum's badge is on the correct side?
    ... Maggie is missing from the dinner table?
    ... Smithers would shoot when drunk and in an argument?
    ... Smithers is right-handed?
    ... the Krusty mat on the floor of Krusty's office?
    ... Dave Shutton works for the Springfield Daily Shopper?
    ... Jasper has a wooden leg?
    ... the sucking sound when Jasper took his wooden leg off?
    ... the satellite dish on top of Springfield Retirement Castle?
    ... Maggie and SBII are sleeping together?
    ... Wiggum seeking help from an Agatha Christie book?
    ... Lisa calls Barney a liquor connoisseur?
    ... Wiggum and Eddie clinch their teeth after Willy crosses his
    ... Moe isn't wearing his apron while taking the lie detector test?
    ... Chief Wiggum and Lou don't wear seat belts?
    ... Homer and Lisa aren't wearing their seat belts?
    ... Wiggum cut the sleeves off his uniform?
    ... Lisa's imagining of Burns' death was in black and white?
    ... someone in the mob had a board with a nail in it?
    ... Homer actually has the gun cocked and ready to fire?
    ... Burns grabs Homer by the chest when he sees Maggie?
    ... Homer still has the gun cocked?
    ... Burns' tongue dangling out of his mouth when he sees the

Tony Hill:
    ... the shellfish open and close in rhythm?

Voice credits

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Abe, Krusty, Mel, Willy)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria ("Speedway Squad" announcer, Wiggum, Lou, Moe, Dr.
      Colossos, Chalmers, DNA guy, Krusty Drive Thru kid, Dr. Nick,
      pigeon, Apu)
    - Harry Shearer (Smithers, Burns, Kent Brockman, Eddie, Dave
      Shutton, Skinner, Jasper, dispatcher)
- Special Guest Voice
    - Tito Puente (himself)
- Featuring
    - Tito Puente and his Latin Jazz Ensemble

Movie (and other) references

  + "Dallas"
    - episode title
    - Smithers' dream at the start similar to Sue Ellen waking up and
      realizing the "Who shot Bobby Ewing" thing was all a dream
    - Smithers thinking he shot Burns because he was drunk and he had a
      fired weapon on him similar to Sue Ellen
  + "Mod Squad" {bdp}
    - title card used to say "Mod Squad In Color" just like "Speedway
      Squad In Color"
  + "Speed Racer" {bdp}
    - view of cars on speedway in Smithers' dream similar
    "A Quinn Martin Production" {bdp}
    - over-dramatic voice announcing "Speedway Squad" similar to voice
      at start of Quinn Martin show
    Nick Parks animation {sb}
    - Homer does the Nick Parks finger wiggle at the dinner table
      (elbows bent, hands in front of shoulders, palms turned towards a
      point about a foot in front of the chest, wiggle the fingers as if
      drumming them on a table)
  + The O. J. Simpson trial
    - Lisa's crack about celebrities never committing crimes {av}
    - Bart's saying that no court would accept DNA evidence {av}
    - Lisa's comment about someone planting the gun in the Simpsons'
      car, like the bloody glove allegedly planted by Mark Fuhrman on
      O.J.'s property {av}
    - Willy's arthritis similar to O.J.'s supposed arthritis in his
  + "Patton", the movie {hl}
    - guy in movie shot down a German plane with a handgun, like Grampa
      says he did
  + Sherlock Holmes
    - Mel speaks and behaves like Holmes
  + "Twin Peaks"
    - Wiggum's dream about who murdered Burns, just like Agent Cooper's
      about who killed Laura Palmer:
        - takes place in a red curtained room
        - subtle murder clues are given out
        - character giving the clues speaks in a distorted voice
          (perhaps Lisa is imitating the "Dancing Dwarf"?  {bl})
        - an unexplained shadow flies across the curtain {jk}
        - the dreamer wakes up with a hair tuft sticking up {dgp}
    - Maggie's three pacifier sucks at the end sound like two gunshots
      and a thud -- the same as when Cooper opens the door, gets shot
      twice, and falls to the floor as the screen goes black {jb}
  + the song "Bingo" {th}
    - Eddie says, "The gunman has a name-o!" just like line in song,
      "And Bingo was his name-o"
  + "The Fugitive"
    - Homer escaping from prison van very similar to Dr. Kimball
      escaping from prison bus
    - van being pushed along on its side with Homer running in front
      same as train derailing and sliding along the ground
    - Homer wearing a doctor's uniform in the hospital, just like
      Kimball {rl}
  + "Basic Instinct"
    - Willy being interrogated very similar to movie: sitting in chair
      against a wall in front of police officers
    - uncrosses then recrosses his legs (revealing his shame) just like
      Sharon Stone

Previous episode references

- [7G10] the singer from the nightclub reappears as Tito's lead singer
- [7F17], [1F20], [2F10] a Krusty Drive Thru appears {by}
- [8F08], [9F19] Moe's Love Tester {dh}
- [1F12] Dr. Colossos reappears
- [2F09] thieving paramedics are referred to {dh}
- [2F13] Ominous closeup of koala at the end (cf. Maggie) {rl}
- [2F16] flashbacks to first half of episode

Freeze frame fun

- Smithers' scotch: {rl}
        V A G R A N T ' S
           C H O I C E
        Fortified  Scotch
   O\_ May cause ejection  _/O
   \_/ Of Stomach Contents \_/
- People in the crowd when Burns is being taken to hospital (l to r):
    - Lunch Lady Doris, Barney, some woman, Otto, some guy, Moe,
      Flanders, some guy, Maude Flanders (looking shocked), some guy
- Guy in muffler costume: {rl}
   A U T O L A N D
- Pulling down the sun-blocker: {rl}
    - Homer
    - Moe
    - Lenny and Carl
    - the drunk guy from the bar
    - Otto (in school bus)
    - Snake (on a three-wheeled motorbike)
    - Chespirito (in KMEX van)
    - Willy (riding his tractor Dutchess)
    - Krusty
    - Skinner
- Sign outside church: {rl}
   C A T H E D R A L
         of the
    D O W N T O W N
    LESS THAN $20
- Lisa's chart of suspects: {dh}
    - Moe - Lost his Bar
    - Barney - Lost Moe's Bar
    - Principal Skinner - Lost his Oil Well
    - Groundskeeper Willie [sic] - No Crystal slop bucket
- Sign at club: {rl}
- Names in the DNA computer: {ddg} {rl}
Burns                 Pie                   Flender
Smithers              Chalmers              Gordon
Flanders              Nixon                 Hines
Szyslak               Snyder                Kramer
Nahasapeemapetilan    Puente                Lobkowicz
Gumbel                Murphy                Lazebnik
Skinner               Prince                Molner
Krabappel             Wardi                 Shipley
Hoover                Engelland             Nesci
Cory                  Heiden                Alexander
Johnston              Kontogiorgos          Tyson
Oakley                Adler                 Montgomery
Pulido                Brokaw                Mostow
Allen                 Emelin                Rhinelander
Levya                 Fernandez             Jacobs
Anderson              Morris                Widmer
Constantindes         Jabour                Saltzman
Demakes               Bick-Forrester        Tobeason
Hernandez             Lesher                Goodman
Hikman                Cohen                 Lovell
Leibovitz             Scholl                Taylor
Macmullen             Carvalho              Borgnine
McGrath               Schiminovich          Short
Warker                Handel                Hapablap
Hutz                  Gattis                Brodka
Riviera               Semmel                Hurlbut
Moleman               Matsumara             Lieberstein
Muntz                 Rege                  Metcalf
van Houten            Wilenn                Oshman
Jones                 Schiff                Powell
McAllister            Stevens               Gardner
McClure               Vernooy               Friend
Powers                Wu                    Bross
Wolfcastle            Nebble                Steiker
Griner                Elliott               Weinhaus
Meyers                Beard                 Schick
Kompowski             Falk                  Yaffe
Arnold                Lane                  Brennan
Sinclair              Herwitz               Sakai
Larsen                Zombanks              Tatum
Lanley                Gutentag              * Powell
Kobb                  Barlow                Glick
Devlin                Conover               Bergstrom
White                 Shutton               Mangan
Meyer                 McCartney             Caslon
Jean                  Starr                 Borden
Reiss                 Harrison              Gronquist
Biddle                Masterson             Westcott
Fudge                 Hydell                Appel
Weinstein             Ziff                  Daniels
Simmons               Colbear               Lovejoy
DuBose                Grotstein             Brockmen
Spark                 Hodge                 Quimby
Lester                Atkins                Wiggum
Jackson               Itzkowitz             Krustofsky
Kansler               Pierpont              van Horne
Lazarus               Handleman             Simpson
Kim                   Higginson             Terwilliger
Phillips              Busby                 Mann
Dondelinger           Amir                  Christian
Frink                 Fisher                Hibbert
                                            * Simpson
    - original order: column 1 (top to bottom), then column 2 and column
    - all names are in capitals, except for the "c" of "McGrath"
    - an asterisk indicates the second appearance of a name
    - "Brockman" is spelled as "Brockmen"
- Crowd chasing after Homer: {rl}
    - Otto with a rope
    - Sherri (Terri?)
    - Willy with a pitchfork
    - Wiggum
    - McAllister with a harpoon
    - some white-haired guy
    - Lunch Lady Doris with a gas mask
    - an attack dog
    - cop
    - guy with a twig
    - Apu with a scimitar
    - woman with a pitchfork
    - Eddie
    - man with a board and nail
    - Nelson
    - tennis player with a tennis racket
    - several unarmed people
    - IRS guy with his ledger
    - Dolph
    - Hans Moleman with a walking stick
- People in the hospital, from Burns' point of view (r to l): {rl}
    - Wiggum, Eddie, Lou, Moe, Carl, Barney, Lenny, Skinner, some guy,
      Krusty, Willy, Mrs. Krabappel, Snake, Rev. Lovejoy, Smithers, Apu,
      Otto, Tito Puente, Capt.  McAllister, SLH, Grampa, Flanders, Dave
      Shutton, Lisa, Marge holding Maggie, Bart, Dr. Hibbert

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

Where is Smithers' collection of Malibu Stacy dolls?  {dh}

Smithers used to own a Yorkshire terrier in 8F04.  {dh}

Brockman's news report at the beginning shows Burns is transferred to
Springfield General Hospital, but when Homer assaults him, the
dispatcher says Homer is at the Marvin Monroe Memorial Hospital.

Marvin Monroe is dead?  {dh2}

Maggie is not at the dinner table.  {dh}

Since when has Homer had a toolshed?  He usually keeps his tools in the
garage.  {dh2}

Rickets is caused by Vitamin D deficiency, not necessarily a lack of
sunlight.  (see below) {ddg}

Homer only has rickets in that one scene.  {rl}

The ropes tied to Burns' sun blocking machine should pull all the cars
down the hill.  {dh}

The ropes vanish shortly after their use.  {dh}

When the sun-blocker was removed, the shadow over the town doesn't
change.  {ddg}

Smithers' facial stubble disappears and reappears {dh2}.

When he's in the confession booth, Smithers' neck looks too long.  {ml}

Smithers' coat changes into a jacket in the confession booth.  {dh}

Smithers isn't wearing a bow tie when arrested, but he has one at the
police station.  {dh}

Sideshow Mel's pipe appears out of nowhere.  {dh2}

Krusty's TV remote disappears.  {dh}

Wiggum isn't playing solitaire when Sideshow Mel and Krusty come in, but
later he is.  {rl}

Grampa's rest home sure got rebuilt quickly.  {wb}

Jasper didn't have a wooden leg in 8F18, 1F06, and 2F19.  {dh}

Scott Christian's microphone's FOX logo changes.  {rl}

When we see Dr. Colossos in the jail cell, Smithers is not with him.
But as soon as Colossos leaves, Smithers appears in the cell.  {dh2}

Doesn't Barney still make money from Barney's Bowlerama, Plow King, or
B-Sharps royalties?  {em}

Lie detectors don't look like that.  And if the person saying the lie
believes it to be true, it shows up as the truth.  {th}

Moe says he's going to look at the Sears catalog, but they discontinued
their catalogs in 1993.  {th}

Willy's fingers have never been arthritic before now.  In fact, he
shoots a weapon in 2F11.  {dh}

Wiggum's badge is missing in some scenes.  {dh}

A fired bullet can't be matched against an unfired one with any degree
of certainty.  {ddg}

Chief Wiggum has "the bullet" - but it's still in its casing; somehow,
they pulled an UNFIRED bullet out of Burns!  {ddg}

How does the bullet stay suspended in mid-baggie?  {dh2}

The name "Bouvier" isn't in the DNA computer.  However, the names
"Powell" and "Simpson" appear twice.  (And "Murphy" is still in there...
) Also, "Brockman" is spelled "Brockmen".  {ddg}

The periodic table of the elements in the lab is incorrectly drawn.

Why were Aaronson and Zykowski from 2F10 not in the DNA computer?

Wiggum handcuffs Homer's hands behind his back, yet later he's
handcuffed in the front.  {dh}

The order box moves from its original location after Wiggum orders his
food.  The take-out order box later disappears while Jasper's car plows
the paddy wagon.  {dh}

The overhang at the Krusty Burger initially covers only a small part of
the driveway; in the end, it covers more than half.  {th}

The establishing shot shows a 90 degree turn from the order box to the
window, yet Wiggum drives straight from one to the other.  {th}

The paddy wagon changes shape after it tips over.  {dh}

How does Homer get out of his handcuffs and leg irons?  {em}

Dr. Riviera's clipboard turns into a flashlight.  {dh}

When Homer is confronting Burns in the hospital, his shirt is first
blue, then white.  {dh2}

When Homer bends down over Burns, his sidehairs are not in their typical
"M" shape.  {rl}

Lou speeds off on his motorcycle, yet Lisa arrives at the hospital
first.  {dh}

The doorknob on room 2F20 moved while Lisa pleads with the mob.  {th}

In 2F16, when Burns confronts the shooter, Burns' shadow moves at a
_different_ time than in this episode.  {cm}

When Marge puts Maggie in the car, the window is half way down, but when
Burns leans in, it's almost all the way down.  {jas}

It would have been exceedingly hard for Maggie to pull the trigger with
just the little finger of her left hand.  {ddg}

When Lisa draws the letters "S" and "W" on her notepad, she reverses the
positions of the letters.  {dh2}

The layout of the people in the hospital room changes several times.

Wiggum's arm is no longer in an arm cast and his sleeves reappear.  {dh}

Wiggum's badge keeps switching sides.  {dh}

So how do Groundskeeper Willie and Mr. Largo get their jobs back, who
pays for the restoration of the Retirement Castle, and how is Bart's
treehouse repaired?  {ddg}


Harry Wareing: IMHO this was not a great episode, the parody of "The
    Fugitive" was good but it seemed flat.  The first part was the best
    of the two.

Mark Greenan: That was the worst Simpsons ever.  I would've rather seen
    a old repeat.  If you hadn't figured it out before you can figure it
    out with in the first few minutes.  I would've expected more from
    the talented Simpsons writers.

David Neilson: Overall, the episode was okay.  Not as good as Part One
    but better than most of last season.  The reference to "The
    Fugitive" and "Basic Instinct" were good and the Dr. Death stuff was
    great, but other than that, average.

Justin Goeres: I thought the solution was good.  I think, also, however,
    that perhaps the half-hour format forced the conclusion (the episode
    in general, really) to be a bit pushed time-wise.  I'm not going to
    "complain" about it, though.  (Wouldn't want to disappoint Bart...)

Jeff Archibald: OK, OK, so the plot wasn't stellar but...THE MOVIE
    REFERENCES WERE GREAT!  The Fugitive, Basic Instinct, but by far,
    the best reference was to the final episode of Twin Peaks!  That was
    priceless.  Kudos to the writers.  I was ROTFL.

Jodi Klebick: Oh, what a disappointment!  I expected more from The
    Simpsons than this fallacy of justice!  How can you have a crime
    with no punishment?  Those in the know realize that only Sideshow
    Mel was brilliant enough to undertake this heinous crime.  Thumbs

Jim Smith: You would expect a more original ending from the Simpsons
    head honchos, but the rest of the episode was terrific.  Smithers's
    opening scene was worth the ridiculous parody just to see "Speedway
    Squad -- in Color"!  Doctor Colossus was terrific too.  I must be
    Simpson-starved though, because every scene had me cracking up.

Keith Rubuliak: Give me a break!  Could there ever possibly ever have
    been a more hyped and commercialized episode?  I mean, why did not
    they make it an MCI operator the one who shot Mr. Burns?

Jym Dyer: I've come to expect much higher standards from "The Simpsons".
    Here's hoping this is but an aberration.

Don Del Grande: Grade: B. Just an ordinary episode that happened to be
    the solution to Who Shot Mr. Burns.  Not nearly as good as Part One.

Aaron Varhola: This episode necessarily had its focus on eliminating the
    other suspects, and was very rushed; it could have been an hour,
    easily.  However, it was funny, and the Twin Peaks takeoff was just
    plain weird.  (How did they get Lisa's voice like that?).  B+; would
    be higher if an hour long.

Greg Lam: Grade: B+.  A good, not great episode.  I'm not bitter about
    the ending.  Great references: Fugitive, Basic Instinct, Twin Peaks.
    (How long before Pulp Fiction and Forrest Gump references?).
    However, way too many flashbacks and the Tito Puente song went on
    much too long.

Bob Yantosca: Other than "The Fugitive" reference, I thought that the
    episode was flat.  I actually thought the writers would have more
    imagination than to have Maggie shoot Burns.

Benjamin Robinson: This episode just about lives up to the hype, which
    is no faint praise considering the amount of hype.  It deftly
    balances the tasks of explaining the crime, eliminating suspects one
    by one, and cramming in plenty of good jokes.  The
    "Dallas"-referenced opener was terrific; in fact, this was a good
    effort all around (7.9/11 -> A).

Ricardo Lafaurie: Was it just me or was the environment for Part Two
    noticeably and uncomfortably different?  It looks like Oakley &
    Weinstein have done the ol' "first part good, second part worse"
    thing again, on a broader basis.  I did enjoy the lie detector and
    Speed Racer knockoff.  The Latin music ruled.  Grade: B+.

Dominik Halas: Superb!  Dare I say it, even better than part one!  All
    the loose ends were tied up, (ie the sun blocker), the references
    were _perfect_, and the best part was, it seemed as if they'd been
    reading all our theories!  My only complaint is that Dr. Nick
    Riviera's voice seemed off.  Grade: A/A+.

Keith Palmer: While perhaps not quite as sparkling as WSMB 1 (Tito
    Puente's song was a rather big celebrity distraction), this episode
    was still quite funny (Speedway Squad was a laugh riot).  A
    generally fitting conclusion to an excellent cliff-hanger.  Grade:

Warren Hagey: I thought that this episode was a bit of a letdown after
    all of the hype that it got.  There were some good scenes, but some
    of it was quite unnecessary, such as taking all of that time with
    Tito Puente.  I'm hoping that the rest of the shows this season are
    better.  B-.

Tony Hill: I thought the episode was riotously funny, so much so that I
    laughed out loud even the second time through.  It was especially
    cool to see Homer become a suspect and the references to "The
    Fugitive" and the O.J.  Simpson case.  I give it an A.

Yours truly: Somewhat disappointing for the season opener, although it
    improved upon rewatching.  The references were really quite
    outstanding, particularly Eddie threatening Willy in the "Basic
    Instinct" scene.  I liked the salsa song, and _was_ satisfied with
    the culprit.  Grade: C+.

Comments and other observations


Jenny Wenzke explains, "Vitamin D deficiency causes rickets in children
    and osteomalacia in adults.  Rickets is characterized by soft,
    pliable bones and osteomalacia by weakened bones, easily fractured.
    (so actually, Homer would not have had rickets) Vitamin D's function
    in the body is to maintain adequate levels of calcium and phosphate
    in the blood, to be used for mineralization of bone.  If the levels
    are inadequate, bones will not be develop properly and be much
    weaker.  Vitamin D deficiency can result from not enough Vitamin D
    in the diet and/or lack of exposure to sunlight.  UV light causes
    the conversion of molecules in the skin into compounds that can be
    used for the synthesis of Vitamin D."

The KMEX van

Pat Maher notes that KMEX is the local Univision affiliate in Los
    Angeles.  Another tidbit for the "Where is Springfield?" file?

Smithers' St. Patrick's Day parade comment

Several readers pointed out that some cities in the US (most notably
    Boston) managed to ban homosexual groups from marching in the
    parade.  Smithers' comment would therefore seem to be more proof of
    his sexual orientation.

The "Chez Guevara"

The bar where Tito Puente plays is a pun on Che Guevara.  Aaron Varhola
    explains, "Ernesto `Che' Guevara was Fidel Castro's aide-de-camp in
    the Cuban Revolution (aka the guy on the `Rage Against the Machine'
    shirts).  Guevara was killed fomenting revolution in Paraguay in the
    late 1960's."

Lisa's voice in Wiggum's dream

The characters in Agent Cooper's dreams had the same eerie vocal
    quality.  Nathaniel Irons explains how it's done: "They record the
    voices, going forward, and then reverse them.  Then they play the
    reversed lines back to the actor until the actor can approximate
    them by speaking backward (although some things, like a hard T
    sound, are damned near impossible to pronounce backwards).  Then the
    actor says the lines backwards, which get reversed _again_ and
    create the effect."

The Spanish in Tito's revenge

According to Ricardo Lafaurie, the Spanish lines sung in Tito's revenge
    translate as:

    - Con un corazo'n de perro -- with the soul of a dog
    - El diablo con dinero -- the devil with money
    - Adios viejo -- goodbye old man

Homer's "Alexander Haig" T-shirt

    - Tony Hill notes, "Alexander Haig, White House chief of staff under
      Richard Nixon and Secretary of State under Ronald Reagan, was
      briefly a presidential candidate in 1987-88.  Many thought he
      would try to be a dictator if elected, recalling how he usurped
      authority when Reagan was shot: `I am in control here.'"

Quotes and Scene Summary

[Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
Frederic Briere.]

The scene opens with the camera focused on a bottle of fortified scotch.
The bottle is being held askew by Smithers, who is face down on a couch
in his apartment.  He drops it, smashing it, and groans.

Smithers: Uck.  My mouth tastes like an ashtray.
           [burps up a mouthful of cigarette butts]
           [opens bathroom door, sees someone in the shower]
           [opens glass shower door]
   Burns: [humming] Doo doo doo, doo doo, dee.  [turns around] Smithers,
          wait your turn.  There's plenty of hot water for all.
Smithers: Sir...you _weren't_ shot!  [sighs] It was all a dream.
   Burns: [turns off shower] That's right.  The year is 1965, and you
          and I are undercover detectives on the hot rod circuit.  [puts
          on helmet] Now, let's burn rubber, baby!
-- Smithers wakes up from his nightmare, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

The scene dissolves to a race track with 60s-style hot rods whizzing by.
"Speedway Squad!  In Color!" exclaims an announcer [HA].  In one hot rod
with Smithers at the wheel, Burns stands up with a shotgun and starts
blasting away.

Smithers wakes up.  "Wait!  _That_ was all a dream.  [sighs] Hey, then
maybe I _haven't_ become a hideous drunken wreck, and --" He stops and
sees the hideous wreck is apartment has become, then groans and burps up
a mouthful of cigarette butts.

On TV, Kent Brockman delivers a news report.

  Kent: Dozens of people are gunned down each day in Springfield, but
        until now none of them was important.  I'm Kent Brockman.
         [scene shows Burns being loaded into an ambulance]
        At three p.m.  Friday, local autocrat C. Montgomery Burns was
        shot following a tense confrontation at town hall.
         [still shots of Burns and town hall]
        Burns was rushed to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced
         [scene shows Marvin Monroe Memorial Hospital]
        He was then transferred to a better hospital where doctors
        upgraded his condition to "alive".
         [scene shows Springfield General hospital]
        Now let's talk to Police Chief Wiggum.
Wiggum: [eating an ice cream] Oh.  Oh, hiya, Kent.  Ahem.  Uh, right
        now, we are questioning two witnesses who were in the vicinity
        at the time.
         [scene shows Lou holding a photo of Smithers at someone]
   Lou: Did you see this guy?  Was he anywhere near the parking lot when
        Burns got shot?
         [camera shows Maggie and SLH being questioned]
 Eddie: No, it's no use.  They ain't talking.
-- Bad cops, bad cops, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

At the Simpson home, the family and Grampa eat dinner.

 Lisa: Everyone in Springfield had a reason to shoot Mr. Burns, even us.
        [everyone groans in agreement]
       Bart, he broke your dog's legs.  Grampa, he destroyed your home.
       And Dad -- well, you kind of went berserk when he couldn't
       remember your name.
Homer: {[screaming] Berserk is right!  [quietly] May I have some iced
       tea, please?}
 Bart: Aren't we forgetting someone...Sister Suspect?
 Lisa: [chuckling sheepishly] I was just getting to me.  Because of Mr.
       Burns, they canceled my jazz program, and my friend Tito Puente
       got fired...but _I_ could never shoot someone.
 Bart: Could so.
 Lisa: Could not.
 Bart: Could so.
 Lisa: Could not.
 Bart: Could so!
 Lisa: Could not!
Homer: [interrupting] Kids, kids, kids.  As far as Daddy's concerned,
       you're _both_ potential murderers.
-- A loving, bias-free father, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Marge: [hopeful] The police already have a suspect: it's Mr. Smithers.
        [everyone talks animatedly about how plausible that is]
  Abe: Yeah, Smingers did it.  Case closed.  Now where's my hat?  I'm
       going to the outhouse.  [leaves]
 Lisa: We don't have an outhouse.
Homer: [gasps] My toolshed!  Oh Dad --
-- It's a house, and it's outside, ain't it?, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part

Smithers walks down the street, trying to grapple with his horrible

Smithers: Oh...could I have shot Mr. Burns in a drunken rage?  No, no,
          not me.  I know in my heart I --
           [reaches into trenchcoat inside pocket]
           [gasps] A gun!  [sniffs barrel] And it's been recently fired.
          Wait...I remember leaving the town meeting...
           [flash to out-of-focus shot of Smithers' feet weaving down
           [a shadow walks up]
           [voiceover] I must have run into Mr. Burns outside and --
           [Smithers grapples with shadow, pulls gun, and shoots]
           [in the present] Mr. Burns!  What have I done?
           [falls on ground, weeps]
           [a giant muffler walks by and slips a flyer into his pocket]
-- Thanks, giant muffler!, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Homer sprays the inside of his toolshed with a hose.  A tow truck pulls

  Moe: Hey, Homer: us hotheads here is going to go tear down Burns' sun-
       blocking machine.  You want to come with?
Homer: Sure.  I've had it up to here with these damn rickets!
        [waddles toward tow truck]
-- The perils of lack of sunlight, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

{At the sun-blocking machine, several vehicles pull at it with ropes.
Otto drives the school bus, Snake, an ATV, Chespirito, the KMEX TV van,
and Willy, his tractor.  "Pull, duchess, pull!" he exhorts.  They manage
to break it free.  It falls down the side of the hill onto a town on the
other side amid much crashing and screaming.}

  Krusty: {Um, er...what town did we just crush?}
 Skinner: {Shelbyville.}
Everyone: {Yay!}
-- The infernal machination of hell's grim tyrant is laid to rest, "Who
    Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Smithers rues his recollection.

Smithers: Mmm...this guilt is driving me _mad_!  I've _got_ to tell
           [walks into a church; goes to the confession booth]
          Father, I'm not a Catholic, but...well, I _tried_ to march in
          the St. Patrick's Day parade.  But anyway, I've got a...rather
          large sin to confess.  [sniffles] I'm the one who...shot Mr.
  Wiggum: [pokes head out, cocks gun] That's all I needed to hear!  Boy,
          this thing works great.
-- The wonder of confession, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Smithers recounts the tale down at the station.

Smithers: The man became consumed by greed.  He'd steal from anyone!
           [flashback to part one]
Smithers: This isn't a rival company you're battling with, it's a
          school.  People won't stand for it.
   Burns: Pish posh.  It will be like taking candy from a baby!  Say,
          that sounds like a larf.
           [back to the present]
Smithers: And when he tried to steal our sunlight, he crossed that line
          between everyday villainy and cartoonish super-villainy.
Colossos: {[in prison cell] Bah!  He was a rank amateur compared to Dr.
          Colossos!  [laughs maniacally]}
          {[pushes "Colosso Boots" button in his belt, hits head on
          {Ow!  Ooh.  Aw, when is my lawyer coming?}
-- Springfield's evilest super-villain, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Smithers is led from the station in handcuffs.  A clamoring group of
reporters awaits his exit.

 Shutton: Uh, Dave Shutton, Springfield Daily Shopper.  Who are you?
          Where are you going?
    Kent: Oh, do your research, Shutton!  Uh, Kent Brockman, Channel Six
          News.  How does it feel to be accused of the attempted murder
          of your boss and mentor?
Smithers: Kent, I...I feel about as low as Madonna when she found out
          she missed Tailhook.
    Kent: Oh.  I'm going to say "Ouch" for Madonna!
  Krusty: [watching] Hey!  That's _my_ Madonna gag.  That guy stole my
     Mel: And _you_ stole it from last Friday's episode of "Pardon My
  Krusty: Stole, made up, what's the difference?
-- Attributing the source, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Mel realizes something's not quite right.

     Mel: Mr. Smithers must have seen that program too!  He never misses
          it.  [puffs pipe] Hmm...at the town meeting, he mentioned that
          he watched Comedy Central.  I made sure to note that, as it
          seemed quite unusual.
          Ye Gods!  To the police station, Krusty.
           [the two burst in]
     Mel: I am Melvin van Horne.  And this is my associate Herschel
  Krusty: Hey hey.
     Mel: Officers: you have arrested an innocent man.
  Wiggum: Really?  {Aw, jeez.  [pushes a button] All right, Colossos,
          you're free to go.  But stay away from Death Mountain.}
Colossos: {[sulky] But all my stuff is there!}
     Mel: {[clears throat] I was referring to Waylon Smithers.}
-- Elementary, my dear...Herschel?, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

     Mel: Mr. Burns was shot Friday at three p.m., the very time that
          Smithers was at home watching "Pardon My Zinger".  So you see,
          he couldn't have done it.
Smithers: [gasps] Yes, you're right!  I remember now, I watched that
          entire show.  In fact --
           [flash to shot of Smithers's feet weaving down sidewalk]
Smithers: [voice over] I left the town meeting early so I could get home
          in time.
           [in flashback] [slurred] Ohh, I've got to run or I'll miss
          the opening rank-out.
           [a shadow approaches in front]
          Get of my way, please --
  Jasper: Slow down.  The sidewalk's for regular walking, not for fancy
Smithers: Get out of my way, I'm in a hurry.
  Jasper: You simmer down, I'll let you go.
           [Smithers pulls a gun, shoots]
           [back to the present]
Smithers: So...instead of wounding an evil old man, I may have killed an
          innocent old man.  That's much worse!
  Krusty: {About 50,000 volts worse, if you know what I mean!  [makes
          electrocuting sound effects]}
-- Krusty's legendary sympathy, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

  Wiggum: Wait a minute.  If the second old geezer got shot, how come
          nobody reported it?
           [at the old folks home, they pound on door 26]
           [Jasper answers]
  Wiggum: Uh, hi.  Um...can we take a look at your leg?
  Jasper: [pulling off his prosthesis] That's real spruce.  You like it?
Smithers: [seeing the bullet lodged in the leg] Thank God!  Sir, I only
          hope you can forgive me for shooting your wooden leg.
  Jasper: You shot who in the what, now?
  Wiggum: OK, Smithers, you're free to go.  And you...one question.  Do
          you know who shot Mr. Burns?  'Cause we are _really_ up the
          creek on this one, heh heh.
-- It can't hurt to ask, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

[End of Act One.  Time: 7:15]

Kent Brockman apprises everyone of the news of Smithers' innocence.

 Kent: And with the prime suspect cleared and found completely innocent,
       we must now ask ourselves: who could possibly be as bloodthirsty
       as Waylon Smithers?
Marge: I guess it's never the most likely suspect.
 Lisa: Actually, Mom, in 95% of cases, it is.  The rest of the time,
       it's usually some deranged lunatic who did it for no reason.
        [everyone looks at Homer]
Homer: Hey!  I had a damn good reason.  He could never remember my name.
        [flashback to part one]
Burns: Who the devil are you?
Homer: [loses it, rushes Burns] Homer Simpson!
Burns: You're just babbling incoherently.
Homer: My name is Homer Simpson...
        [back to the present]
 Lisa: Well I don't think anyone in this family is capable of attempted
  Abe: Eh...you never know what you're capable of.  I never thought I
       could shoot down a German plane, but last year I proved myself
 Lisa: Nancy Drew says that all you need to solve a mystery is an
       inquisitive temperament and two good friends.  And I've got an
       inquisitive temperament.  Maybe I could help solve this.
Marge: Mmmmm...I think you're a little young to be investigating an
       attempted murder.  Why don't you try to solve the mystery of who
       put that mud in the freezer?
 Bart: Who wants chocolate ice cream?
Homer: Me, me, me!
-- Abe, ever optimistic, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

At the police station, Wiggum holds up a clear plastic bag.

Wiggum: OK, boys, we've got a clue: the bullet they took out of Burns.
        Now, let's discuss the, um...[picks up Agatha Christie book] mo-
  Lisa: Mr. Burns is the richest man in town.  Maybe it's about money.
Wiggum: That's some good thinkin', Lou.
   Lou: Aw, thanks, Chief.
  Lisa: [below desk level] Hey!  I said that.
-- Out of sight, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

  Lisa: My name is Lisa Simpson and I made a chart of all the suspects
        in the Burns case.  Look!  [holds up a card]
        Mr. Burns hurt all these people financially.
        Nightclub owner Moe Szyslak: his bar was closed because of
        Burns' negligence.
        Liquor connoisseur Barney Gumbel: when Moe's closed, Barney lost
        his only means of support -- sucking coins out of the Love
        Tester machine.
 Eddie: {That's a _real_ good way to get sick.}
  Lisa: Dedicated educator Principal Seymour Skinner: his school lost
        millions when Burns pirated its oil well.
        And grounds tender Groundskeeper Willy: he lost his job and his
        dream of owning a fine crystal slop bucket.
Wiggum: Hey, what about that jazz teacher that got laid off?  You know,
        uh, Mr. Samba?  Senor Mambo?  What was it?
  Lisa: Tito Puente?
Wiggum: Yeah.
  Lisa: Well, he _did_ vow revenge, heh heh.  [pause] But I can't see
        him doing something illegal.  He's in show business, he's a
        celebrity --
Wiggum: Let's roll, boys.
-- Wiggum's wind gets up, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

They drive to a local Cuban night club.

  Tito: Revenge?  Of course.  But why wound his body with bullets when I
        could set his soul afire with a slanderous mambo?  Listen, if
        you will, to my revenge -- uno, dos, tres!
         [band starts playing salsa music]
Singer: Wounds won't last long, but an insulting song
        Burns will always carry with him.
         [shot of Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou bobbing to the beat]
        So I'll settle my score on the salsa floor
        With this vengeful Latin rhythm.
         [shots of chef with tray of clams opening their mouths in
        rhythm and man at condom machine buying many condoms]
Chorus: Burns!  [trumpet riff]
Singer: Con un corazo'n de perro.
Chorus: Sen~or Burns!  [trumpet riff]
Singer: El diablo con dinero.  [mambo riff]
        It may not surprise you, but all of us despise you
        Please die, and fry in hell
        You rotten rich old wretch --
        Adios viejo.  [trumpet riff]
Wiggum: [clapping] Yeah!  OK, OK, I believe you're innocent.  Gee, I
        hope all our suspects are this much fun.
-- Tito Puente clears his name, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Skinner's interrogation proves to be rather less fun.  He hums and haws
for what seems like an eternity.

 Skinner: I _did_ go to the town meeting with the intention of ambushing
          Mr. Burns.  When it adjourned, I rushed to the lavatory to
          apply my camouflage makeup --
           [flashback to Skinner in washroom]
 Skinner: [with eyeshadow and lipstick on] Blast!  I took _Mother's_
          makeup kit by mistake.
Chalmers: [walking in] Ooh, er, excuse me, ma'am.
 Skinner: [gasps] Superintendent Chalmers!
Chalmers: [slowly] Oh my God...
           [a shot sounds outside]
           [back to the present]
  Wiggum: So Superintendent Chalmers can vouch for your whereabouts?
 Skinner: Oh, yes.  But anything else he tells you is a filthy lie.
-- Ring-a-ding-ding, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Willy is next up for interrogation, which happens at the station house.
He comes decked out in full Scottish regalia, replete with kilt.

 Willy: I'm telling ye, I could nay have shot Burns.
         [uncrosses, then recrosses, his legs; everyone groans]
 Eddie: [cocking pistol] This is your last warning about that.
 Willy: It's impossible for me to fire a pistol.  If you'll check me
        medical records, you'll see I have a cripplin' arthritis in me
        index fingerrrs.  Look at 'em!  [holds them up]
        I got it from "Space Invaders" in 1977.
Wiggum: Aw, yeah.  That was a pretty addictive video game.
 Willy: [surprised] Video game?
-- More shooting aliens on a faraway planet, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part

Moe is strapped to a lie detector in the next scene.  Eddie and Lou
administrate the test.

Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
  Moe: No!  [buzz]
       All right, maybe I did.  But I didn't shoot him.  [ding]
Eddie: Checks out.  OK, sir, you're free to go.
  Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight.  [buzz]
       _A_ date.  [buzz]
       Dinner with friends.  [buzz]
       Dinner alone.  [buzz]
       Watching TV alone.  [buzz]
       All right!  I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the
       Victoria's Secret catalog.  [buzz]
        [weakly] Sears catalog.  [ding]
        [angry] Now would you unhook this already, please?  I don't
       deserve this kind of shabby treatment!  [buzz]
-- Moe vs. the polygraph machine, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

At the Simpson house, Grampa sits in the kitchen.  Marge runs in.

Marge: Grampa, I found your cigar box dug up in the back yard but the
       gun wasn't there.  Have you seen it?
  Abe: You accuse me of everything around here?
       "Who put slippers in the dishwasher?"
       "Who threw a cane at the TV?"
       {"Who fell into the china hutch?"}
Marge: I was just asking if you'd seen it.  There's no need to be a
       prickly pear.  {[walks out]}
  Abe: {[pulls gun from shirt] Oh, you're the bee's knees, baby.  I
       missed you bad.}
Marge: {Are you talking to me, Grampa?}
  Abe: {Um...yes?}
Marge: {Ew...}
-- Old people's yucky affection, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Wiggum racks his brain at the station.

Wiggum: We're still not close.  Boy!  This is going to be an all-night
         [rolls chair over to coffee machine]
        Oh, we're out of coffee!  Oh, well, I'll just drink this warm
         [does so, falls asleep]
-- With stained whiskers, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Wiggum dreams he's sitting on an office chair on a stage eating a donut.
Lisa comes out from behind the red curtain as a saxophone plays.  She
says to him in a strangely-distorted voice, "Chief Wiggum: don't eat the
clues."  Wiggum looks at the donut in his hand, which has now become a
burning Ace of Hearts.  Lisa holds up a burning Ace of Spades saying,
"This suit burns better.  Look!"  Wiggum is befuddled.  "Better.  Look!
Burns suit."  Wiggum is still confused: "I'm not following you."  Dream
Lisa becomes more insistent: "Burns' suit!  Burns' suit!"  When Wiggum
_still_ doesn't get it, Lisa says in her normal voice, "Look at Burns'
suit!  Yeesh."

Wiggum: [awakening] Oh!  Oh.
 Eddie: I had an idea, Chief: why don't we check out that suit Burns was
        wearing when he got shot?
Wiggum: Did you have that same backwards-talking dream with flaming
 Eddie: [pause] I'll drive.
-- To protect and serve, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Wiggum looks over the suit with a magnifying glass and finds an eyelash.
"Eureka!" he cries.  He takes it to the DNA lab.

DNA guy: Ooh, nice eyelash.  Yours?
 Wiggum: No.  We need to find out who it belonged to.  We want a DNA
DNA guy: Ooh, ooh, ee, ooh, ooh, that takes, uh, eight to ten weeks.
 Wiggum: [sighs, hands him a carton of cigarettes]
DNA guy: Did I say weeks?  'Cause I meant seconds.
          [runs over to another machine, grabs a card from it; puts it
         in a computer]
 Wiggum: What do you got, the whole town's DNA on file?
DNA guy: Y'uh huh.  If you've ever handled a penny, the government's got
         your DNA.  Why do you think they keep 'em in circulation?
-- Little-known facts, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

"Now it's going to narrow it down to the family bloodline," the DNA guy
explains.  The computer comes up with "Simpson".

Mr. Burns finally comes to and says, "Homer Simpson!"  Eddie and Lou
grin at one another.  "Bingo: the gunman has a name-o!"  Eddie smiles.
A Swat team bursts into the Simpson house and starts destroying things.

    Lisa: Hey!  Chief Wiggum, what are you doing?  What's going on?
  Wiggum: I'm sorry, kid, we got Simpson DNA on Burns' clothing and your
          father was identified by the old man himself.
Everyone: [gasps]
    Bart: [scoffing] DNA, positive ID -- those won't hold up in any
          court.  Run, Dad!
           [Homer runs into Lou]
     Lou: Hey ho!  Look what I found under Mr. Simpson's car seat.
           [holds up a revolver with rubber gloves]
           [Eddie dusts it for prints]
   Homer: I swear, I've never seen that gun before!
   Eddie: [grabbing a glass from Homer's hand] Then why are your
          fingerprints all over it, Sir?
   Homer: Aah!
           [Wiggum opens the chamber and pulls out a bullet]
  Wiggum: This bullet matches the one we pulled out of Mr. Burns!  Homer
          Simpson, you're under arrest for attempted murder.
   Homer: [getting cuffed] D'oh!
  Wiggum: Yeah, that's what they all say.  They all say "D'oh".
-- Criminal minds, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

[End of Act Two.  Time: 15:06]

Wiggum leads a shackled Homer into the back of a prison van and speeds
away from the Simpson home.  He stops at the Krusty Burger Drive Thru
for breakfast.

Wiggum: We need two cups of coffee, and two orders of bite-sized
        breakfast pancakes.  With extra dipping sauce.
   Kid: Please pull up to the service window, please.
Wiggum: [tries] The wagon's too tall!  Oh, I don't want to have to get
        out.  Ehh, I'll just drive up on the curb.
         [does so, leans out window to grab order]
         [van starts tipping]
Wiggum: Almost got it...
   Lou: Drop the food, chief!
         [van falls over; back door opens and Homer stands up]
         [Jasper pulls up in an old car]
Jasper: [honks] Damn fools!  Drive Thru's not for a-parking.
         [floors it, then skids to halt, pushing the van out forward]
         [Homer hobbles in front of it, trying to avoid it]
   Kid: Diane?  I'm going to take my break now.
-- He saw nothing, you can't prove anything, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part

At the hospital, Burns eats breakfast in bed.

 Nick: [opening the door] Hi, everybody!
Burns: Ho, mer-Simp son!
 Nick: OK, that was a little strange.  Um, tell me: how are you feeling
Burns: Homer.  Simpson, Homer.  D'oh...Simpson.
 Nick: Hmm.  That seems to be all you can say.  When you were in that
       coma, did you feel your brain getting damaged?
-- The new medical scientific method, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Marge sits at the kitchen table with Lisa.

Marge: The police have such a strong case against Homer.  Mr. Burns said
       he did it, they have Homer's DNA --
 Lisa: They have Simpson DNA!  It could have come from any of us, except
       you, since you're a Bouvier.
Marge: No!  No, no, when I took your father's name, I took everything
       that came with it -- including DNA.
 Lisa: [giving up] OK, Mom.
-- Marge, literal-minded, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

 Lisa: Anyway, my point is, the evidence isn't as concrete as it seems.
       Like those fingerprints: they could have gotten on the gun some
       other way.
        [flashback to Lisa in the car with Homer]
 Lisa: Are you sure you don't want me to hold one of your ice cream
Homer: [driving with his knees] Pfft.  Yeah, right.  You chose fruit,
       you live with fruit.
        [one scoop falls out of the cone]
       D'oh!  [reaches under seat]
        [touches Pipin' Hot Bread 8-track] No...
        [touches pineapple air freshener] No...
        [touches gun] No...
        [touches lollipop] Ew!  Why is this on the floor?
        [puts it in his pocket]
        [back to present]
 Lisa: And we don't even know whose gun that was!  Maybe somebody
       planted it there to frame Dad.
Marge: No, we can't start thinking that way about our own family
       members.  Suspicion could tear us apart.
  Abe: {That's right.  We've all got to stick together if we're going to
       have any hope of bringing that awful Homer to justice.}
-- Parental love, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Wiggum makes a statement about Homer's escape to a group of reporters.

  Wiggum: Here is a photo of the fugitive from our files.
           [holds up picture of Homer in "Haig in '88" T-shirt]
          And now, Waylon Smithers, uh, who's been a _real_ good sport
          about that wrongful arrest thing -- whew!  Heh -- has a, er,
          statement that he would like to make.  Waylon?
Smithers: Thank you.  As Montgomery Burns' closest friend, I am certain
          there's nothing he would want more than swift, brutal revenge
          against Homer Simpson.  Therefore I am offering a $50,000
          reward for his capture -- dead or alive.
           [everyone bustles off]
  Wiggum: Oh, wow.  Me first!  Me first!
-- Justice is blind, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Homer walks into Burns' hospital room.

Burns: Homer Simpson?
Homer: So, you finally learned my name, eh?
Burns: [shaking head] Homer Simpson.
Homer: [freaked out] I've got no time for your demented parlor games.
       You won't be telling anyone else that Homer Simpson shot you...
        [reaches to strangle Burns]
-- Tense scene in the hospital room, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Lisa rides her bike to the town hall parking lot.  "The scene of the
crime...there must be something here that can clear Dad."  A pigeon
lands nearby and points its beak in a particular direction: "Clue!
Clue!"  Lisa says, "That's it.  Oh, Mr. Pigeon, I'd _kiss_ you if you
weren't swimming with disease!"

Lisa imagines the time just after Burns got shot in black and white.
She remembers that his gun wasn't in his holster as he staggered toward
the sundial.  As he collapsed, she notes that his hands pointed at W and
S on the compass points -- or, viewed from the back, on M and S. She
gasps: "So the DNA was right!  It must have been -- oh, Dad!"  Lou's
motorcycle speaker crackles, "Attention, all units: Homer Simpson has
been sighted.  Proceed at once to Marvin Monroe Memorial Hospital."  Lou
speeds off, as does Lisa -- and a whole crowd of angry people.  Apu
cautions everyone, "Be careful when we capture him!  We cannot claim the
reward unless we have 51% of the carcass!"

Lisa arrives at the hospital first and runs in.  The angry crowd crushes
her bike with their feet on their way in.  Lisa stops in front of the
door to Burns' room just as police are aiming their guns at it and yells
at them.

 Lisa: Stop!  Don't shoot my Dad.  He's innocent.  He wouldn't hurt a
        [they open the door]
Burns: [being strangled and shaken] Ho-mer Simp-son!  Ho-mer Simp-son!
Homer: Stop telling them it was me!  I'll kill you for saying it was me.
Burns: [grunting] What is the meaning of this?  Smithers, who is this
       beast that's shaking me?
Homer: [loses it] D'ohhh!  [grabs a gun, cocks it as Burns' head]
       Say it, Burns: say I never shot you!  Before.
Burns: [jovial] Shot?  [chuckles] By you?  I'm afraid not, my primitive
       friend.  Your kind has neither the cranial capacity nor the
       opposable digits to operate a firearm.  The one who shot me was
        [looks around, sees his assailant]
       Aah!  Aah!  Aah!  M-Maggie Simpson!
-- The truth revealed, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Burns goes on to explain over a flashback, "With the sun-blocker in
place and the town aghast, I was on top of the world.  So I wanted to
kick up my heels and indulge my sweet tooth."  In the flashback, Burns
comments how he feels like celebrating.  He spies Maggie in the back of
the Simpson car, smiling.  "Oh, it's you: what are you so happy about?"
She holds up a lollipop.  He gasps and says, "I see."  In the present,
Homer removes a lollipop from his shirt pocket and Burns nods, "Yes...
_that's_ the one."

He goes on, "Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt to take candy from
a baby, but with him out of the picture, I was free to wallow in my own
crapulence."  Burns tells Maggie in the flashback to drop the lollipop.
"But the old axiom was misleading: taking the candy proved exceedingly
difficult."  Burns struggles with Maggie, "I said drop it!", and in
doing so, his gun falls out of the holster, into her hands, and
discharges.  In slow motion, both the gun and lollipop fall on the floor
and under the seat.

Burns: Stricken, I lurched forth in search of aid, but finding only
       slack-jawed gawkers, I gave up and collapsed on the sundial.
 Lisa: Then, with your last ounce of strength, you pointed to W and S...
       or, from your point of view, M and S.
Burns: What?  No!  With my last ounce of strength, I sucked out my gold
       fillings and swallowed them.  Those paramedics have sticky
-- Not if you're a Stonecutter, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

 Marge: Well, I'm just relieved that Homer's safe and that you've
        recovered and that we can all get back to normal.  If Maggie
        could talk I'm sure she'd apologize for shooting you.
 Burns: I'm afraid that's insufficient.  Officer: arrest the baby!
Wiggum: Hah.  Yeah, right, pops.  No jury in the world's going to
        convict a baby.  Mmm...maybe Texas.
-- Not if you have a lucky hat, "Who Shot Mr. Burns?  Part Two"

Marge continues, "Besides, she didn't mean it..." Maggie sucks her
pacifier, but the noises it makes aren't sucking sounds: they're

[End of Act Three.  Time: 21:23]

The theme over the closing credits is done in the style of salsa music.


   {wb}  Wes Benjamin
   {sb}  Steve Beuret
   {mab} Michael Bolin
   {jb}  John Buzby
   {ddg} Don Del Grande
   {dh2} Dominik Halas
   {dh}  Dave Hall
   {th}  Tony Hill
   {jk}  Jason Kramer
   {rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie
   {bl}  Brad Lascelle
   {hl}  Haynes Lee
   {ml}  Mark Livingstone
   {em}  Earl Ma
   {cm}  Chris Marchia
   {bdp} Brian Phillips
   {dgp} Dave Platt
   {jas} Jeffrey Smiley
   {av}  Aaron Varhola
   {by}  Bob Yantosca
This episode summary is Copyright 1997 by James A. Cherry.  Not to be
redistributed in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes
themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the
reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.  I'm
just taking credit for the compilation.)