[2F15] Lisa's Wedding

Lisa's Wedding                                          Written by Greg Daniels
                                                        Directed by Jim Reardon
Production code: 2F15                       Original airdate in N.A.: 26-Mar-95
                                                   Capsule revision G, 6-Oct-96

Title sequence

Blackboard :- I will not strut around like I own the place.
              I will not strut around like I own the pl/ at cutoff.

Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro.

Couch      :- When the family sits down, the couch springs them off,
              sticking their heads firmly into the ceiling.  Recycled
              from 2F05.

Did you notice...

    ... Homer correctly says "fewer drunks" rather than "less drunks"?

Tony Hill:
    ... the rabbit looks like a real one instead of the usual MG-
        influenced ones?
    ... August 1, 2010 (Lisa's wedding date) really is a Sunday?
    ... Lisa's hair resembles one of the versions from "Lisa the Beauty
    ... the campus has strangely old-fashioned cage elevators?
    ... Ace Ventura VI and the Mask are playing?
    ... no one at Parliament knows how to set Big Ben?
    ... SNPP has four colling towers in 2010?
    ... Homer calls him "Mr. Milhouse"?
    ... the 2010 Flanders house is greatly expanded but still has only a
        one-car garage?
    ... besides the additions to either side, OFF's house now has dormer
    ... the Otto Cab Co. was established in 2003?
    ... "I'll Do Anything" is in its 17th smash year?
    ... a bug zapper sets the union jack afire?
    ... Maggie is a slob too?
    ... Hugh and Lisa sleep in the same bed?
    ... Lisa apparently loses her virginity with Milhouse?
    ... Bart is married and divorced twice by age 25?
    ... Krusty and one of Patty and Selma smoke at the wedding?

John H. Woo:
    ... the "Steel Wheelchair Tour 2010" poster for the Rolling Stones
        on the dorm room wall?
    ... Lisa's full name is Lisa Marie Simpson?
    ... Homer's shirt has two slots on the front like George Jetson's?

Aaron Varhola:
    ... Maggie gives the thumbs down to the knight battle?
    ... Hugh spells "honor" without the the British extra U?
    ... Carl and Lenny are executives now?

Rick Diamant:
    ... future Bart wears coat and tie when operating wrecking ball?
    ... future Homer is fatter?

Bill Walko:
    ... Otto now owns his own cab company?
    ... Skinner and Miss Hoover still do the same jobs?
    ... Ralph Wiggum is now "Sideshow Ralph Wiggum"?
    ... Kent Brockman works for CNNBCBS, a division of ABC?
    ... Patty, Selma, and Mrs. Krabappel are all still single?
    ... Grampa seems to have passed away?

Dave Hall:
    ... Ned and Smithers are really fighting?
    ... Ned pushing his eyeglasses up on his nose?
    ... the pig's eyes are open?
    ... Homer ate eight different meats?
    ... the "Happy Leech -- Bleed While-U-Wait" tent?
    ... Chief Wiggum has a chicken with an afro?
    ... Lisa's nametag reads "Lady Lisa"?
    ... Homer is heckling the puppet show?
    ... grown-up Lisa doesn't always wear her necklace?
    ... Lisa wears a Marge-type dress and earrings?
    ... Lisa raises one foot when she kisses Hugh?
    ... the SNPP sign is missing "power" (it now reads SNP)?
    ... Milhouse looks older than 25?
    ... Maggie wears her pacifier around her neck?
    ... Homer has only one hair strand?
    ... old Homer doesn't wear an SNP ID card?
    ... Homer doesn't get Milhouse's remark about his performance
    ... the outdoor antenna on the Simpsons roof?
    ... the tree with the treehouse is missing from the Simpsons yard?
    ... the two oil stains on the driveway?
    ... Maggie has moved into Lisa's old bedroom?
    ... grown-up Bart still lives with his parents?
    ... Smithers doesn't wear his ID card?
    ... Martin calls Miss Hoover his lady love?
    ... the baseball on top of the flagpole?
    ... Maggie eats with pinkie extended?
    ... the family pictures in the house all depict an older family?
    ... Marge still dyes her hair blue (cf. 1F20)?
    ... Marge's curler stand?
    ... Patty and Selma wear black to Lisa's wedding?
    ... Lunch Lady Doris doesn't smoke?
    ... Lisa drops her veil to the ground?
    ... we don't see Lisa's saxophone in this episode?

Bradley Lascelle:
    ... the curves of the fortune teller's hair make it look like she
        has the horns of a devil?
    ... the entire vending machine dedicated to soy pops?
    ... unlike Commander Data, the robots' heads catch on fire and melt
    ... the lack of logos on the new airplanes?
    ... Uncle Eldred enjoys fly fishing in an empty fishbowl?
    ... Marge thinks a mile and a kilometer are the same thing?
    ... Lisa's ears are pierced?
    ... the school is rundown and vandalized, yet the doors are

Don Del Grande:
    ... the triple-decker desks in Miss Hoover's class?
    ... the "continuous-M" strand of hair is only partly there on old

Voice credits

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, male librarian, Mr. Parkfield, Hugh's
      robot, Martin, Quimby)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, redhead in Chicago school system, Nelson
      Sr., Nelson Jr.)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (Wiggum, student following Wizard of Oz tryouts, Uncle
      Eldred, Carl, Frink, Moe)
    - Harry Shearer (Ned, Smithers, Skinner, Otto, Kent Brockman,
      Lovejoy, Hibbert)
- Special Guest Voice
    - Phil Hartman (Troy McClure)
    - Mandy Patinkin (Hugh)
- Also Starring
    - Doris Grau (Doris)
    - Pamela Hayden (soothsayer, Mrs. Parkfield, Milhouse)
    - Maggie Roswell (librarian, Miss Hoover)

Movie (and other) references

  + "Alice in Wonderland"
    - Lisa chasing the rabbit
  + "Ultima IV" computer game {tn}
    - the fair, the out-of-the-way tent, the fortune teller, the tarot
      cards all similar {poh}
  + "Love Story" {jsg}
    - Ryan O'Neal and Ali McGraw meet in a library and argue over a
      book, just like Lisa and Hugh
  + Dr. Dre, the rapper
    - building at the university named after him
  + National Airport, Washington {av}
    - curved pick-up lane and design of the buildings the same
    - National Airport is close to Springfield, Virginia, as well
  + "Phantom of the Opera"
    - Martin Prince has become him
  + "Star Trek"
    - Hugh's wrist phone makes same noise as original-series tricorder
    - Troy McClure's outfit straight from the original series
    - noises at Homer's work station sound like Enterprise bridge noises
    - noises and style of automatic doors {bw}
  + Chris Whittle's "Edison Project" {av}
    - see comments section
  + "The Jetsons"
    - Homer's outfit at work is the same as George Jetson's
    - cars in the future sound like Jetsons' cars {jhw}
    "The Wonder Years" {tn}
    - Lisa and Milhouse in car similar to Kevin and Winnie
  + Julius Caesar {tn}
    - Burns had 17 stab wounds in the back, just like the former emperor
  + Lisa Marie Presley, Elvis' daughter
    - Lisa's first two names the same

Previous episode references

- [7F01] a more-than-two-eyed fish appears {th}
- [7G06] Bart and tattoos {dh}
- [8F06] Homer and Lisa walk off into the distance at the end {dh}
- Bart demolishing buildings with a lead ball, just as in his dreams
- [8F24] picnic and fireworks proposal is an awful lot like Homer, Marge
  and Maggie at the picnic with fireworks in 8F24 {av}
- [9F02] Lisa's hairstyle {dh}
- [9F03] Bart's future career in law
- [1F17] Lisa hyperventilating when nervous {av}
- [1F22] Lisa talks to her brain {dh}
- [2F31] Homer eats a roasted pig {th}

Freeze frame fun

- Friar Wiggum's Fantastical Beastorium: {dh}
    - Griffin
    - Unicorn
    - Manticore
    - Chimera
    - Esquilax
- Tarot cards: {ddg}
    - XIII (Death)
    - XXIII (The Happy Squirrel)
    - XXV (The Fiancee)
- Teenage Maggie's room: {av}
    - motorcycle trophy
    - room is a mess
    - (probably) the same Rolling Stones poster (all that's visible is
      "World Tour 2010")
    - bag of potato chips on bed
    - Maggie is a phone cord twiddler, too
- Teenage Maggie's clothes: {av}
    - denim shirt or jacket, black t-shirt, red pants, black biker boots
    - (at the wedding) navy dress, lighter blue from waist down, navy
      blue elbow gloves
    - pacifier around neck (see comments section)
- Lisa of celebrities arrested: {ak and many others}
    - The Baldwin Brothers Gang
    - Dr. Brad Pitt
    - John-John-John Kennedy
    - George Burns
    - Infamous Amos
    - Grandson of Sam
    - The Artist Formerly Known as O-+->
    - Tim Allen, Jr.
    - Senator and Mrs. Dracula
    - The Artist Formerly Known as Buddy Hackett
    - Madonnabots: Series K
    - Sideshow Ralph Wiggum
    - Martha Hitler
    - Johnny Neutrino
- The wedding invitation: {dh}
                 :       Mr. & Mrs. Homer J. Simpson       :
                 :                 request                 :
                 :       the pleasure of your company      :
                 :    at the marriage of their daughter    :
                 :                Lisa Marie               :
                 :                    to                   :
                 :     Hugh St. John Alastair Parkfield    :
                 :                  at the                 :
                 :            Springfield Meadow           :
                 :    Sunday, One P.M., August 1, 2010.    :
- The cutaway section of the school ground shows a skeleton and treasure
  chest.  {dh}
- Fish that were swimming down stream from SNP: {dh}
    - 6-eyes
    - Cow head
    - Prof.  Frink head (complete with spectacles)
- Some people at the wedding: {dh}
    - The Simpsons
    - The Parkfields
    - Ned and Maude Flanders
    - Patty and Selma
    - Mrs. Krabappel
    - Smithers and Burns
    - Rev. Lovejoy
    - Skinner
    - Dr. Hibbert
    - Sanjay
    - Krusty
    - Milhouse
    - Nelson
    - Nelson Jr.
    - Lunch Lady Doris
    - Karl
    - Lenny
    - Moe
    - ~Barney
    - Miss.  Hoover

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

The flags on top of the tents don't flutter (in the wind) in some
scenes.  {dh}

Lunch Lady Doris does a _good_ job of roasting the pig.  {bl}

The esquilax banner changed pictures between scenes.  {bl}

Lisa didn't start out with her name tag.  {dh}

Lisa's name tag disappears.  {bl}

The Skull and candles on the Gypsy's side table change shape.  {dh}

The shadow of the fortune teller's hand doesn't change position while
her hand moves around, right before the flash forward scene.  {bl}

Lisa is in second grade in 1995, so she graduates High School in 2005,
which means she's on the "five-year" plan in college if she's still
there in 2010, unless she's in graduate school.  {ddg}

Lisa has her shoes off while the fireworks are going off, but has them
on again while embracing Hugh after his proposal.  {bl}

Why wasn't the satellite dish on the building being demolished by Bart
salvaged?  {ddg}

If Lisa and Hugh really did fly into Washinton National Airport, this is
an error because it's not an international airport -- overseas planes
wouldn't fly directly in there.  {th}

Hugh and Lisa have meat on their plates at the Simpsons' house.  {bl}

Bart's tattoo disappears during the virtual bar fight.  {av}

Smithers' invitation disappears.  {dh}

Martin shouldn't be able to hear Mrs. Hoover.  {dh}

Milhouse refers to Lisa as his "one true love"...apparently, he has
forgotten entirely about his fling with Samantha Stanky.  {bl}

The two oil stains are missing from the driveway in some scenes.  {dh}

The bug zapper disappears.  {dh}

The mirror in the scene with Bart and Lisa doesn't show a true
refection.  {dh}

Lisa doesn't do anything with that lock of Marge's hair.  {dh}

Abe didn't give cufflinks to Homer (cf. 8F10).  {dh}

How did Lunch Lady Doris get from the cake mob scene to the outside
walkway so quickly when Lisa fled the tent?  {bl}


Tony Brower: If any of the Simpsons' writers read this, tonights episode
    was one of the best ever.  You guys really do the best work on US

Christine Tiplady: This episode RULED.  It WHALED.  First of all, it
    featured Lisa.  MOST of all, the family was realistic, well-
    intentioned, natural, imperfect; NOT stupid, caricatured, unfunny.
    I'm thrilled to death with this episode like I haven't been thrilled
    by a Simpson in ages.

Dave Hall: Despite some minor nonsense, I like this episode.  One thing
    that kinda bugged me (and others who were watching this episode with
    me) is that adult Lisa "seems" too tall.  I love teenage Maggie,
    though.  :)

Evan Eisenberg: Well, I have to say when the writers are on, they are
    on.  That was an incredible episode.  Wiggum cracked me up with the
    two headed dog with only one head.  The whole Maggie thing was
    absolutely hysterical, and I hope people will finally shut up about
    killing off Lisa...she was great.

John H. Woo: I must heartily concur with all those who liked this
    episode.  I especially liked the "hellion" Maggie, the "company
    eating rules", the Star Trek and Jetsons noises, Bart's adult
    Homerish look, the rotary videophone...Wow, this list could go on
    and on.  Once again, A+ from me.

Tarisha Dolyniuk: Lisa's Wedding was the best episode since "Last Exit
    to Springfield".  Everything was great except for the pull my finger
    thing.  I hope it will keep all the I-hate-the-writers people quiet
    for at least a week.

Tony Hill: This episode was an all-around laugh riot.  The flash-forward
    was packed end to end with side-splitting scenes.  Mandy Patinkin
    actually appeared in something funny!  We even got a glimpse of what
    might be in store for Maggie.  (Too bad they couldn't find a grown-
    up version of Liz to do the voice.)  A solid A!

Scott Hollifield: This was not only the best episode of the season
    (rivaling if not surpassing "Itchy & Scratchy Land"), but it's one
    of the best Simpsons period.  Loads of hysterical humor, of both
    traditional Simpsons and surreal flavors, plus a real, warm-hearted
    story focusing on the show's most well-rounded character.

Jeremy Osborne: I thought tonight's episode was definitely not the best,
    but it was still pretty decent.  I think they could have come up
    with something creative for Flanders to do in the future, but other
    than his absence from the year 2010, the characters had me in
    stitches as usual.

Travers Naran: All and all, this was an EXCELLENT episode.  From a
    purely dramatic and writing point of view (me being an amateur
    writer), this episode was also a fine piece of television.  The end,
    after all that vicious humor, ended on such a believably happy note.
    Not too many other shows on TV can get away with that.

Aaron Varhola: An excellent combination of future-projection gags and
    touching interplay, especially between Homer and Lisa before the
    wedding.  The running gag with Maggie STILL not talking was
    hilarious, as was Bart's virtual bar fight and Marge's shot at Fox.
    A++; only this episode and "Lisa's Substitute" get a second plus.

Dan Nguyen: It was full of cliches and mediocrities.  There were very
    few moments in that episode that I laughed at.  This type of story
    had been done very many times before, and is getting quite old.
    Probably one of the most mediocre episodes I have ever seen (no
    episode ever goes below mediocrity).

Rob Clark: This episode was embarrassing to say the least.  Not funny.
    Not cute.  Not one redeeming moment.  The 1994/1995 season (for me)
    will be remembered as the year "The Simpsons" spawned only a handful
    of good episodes.  Let's hope 1995/1996 is kinder to its audience.

Rick Diamant: I enjoyed this one so much, I would love to see a spinoff
    featuring the Simpsons of the future, assuming they can figure out
    how to put Mr. Burns back together again.  It wouldn't be worth it
    without him.

Ellen Micheletti: This was the best episode this season and one of the
    best ever.  It was funny and it was touching without being maudlin.
    I loved the adult Bart, and teenage Maggie not being allowed to
    speak, had me in stitches.  This is one for the archives!

John J. Wood: Grade: A. There have been funnier episodes, but none more
    fascinating and its premise based on Lisa's love for Homer was truly
    touching.  A few nice surprises (Milhouse!), but everything was
    handled tastefully.  Kudos to Mandy Patinkin for his fine cameo.

Dominik Halas: This was definitely one of the best episodes all season.
    The references to the future (like "Pepsi presents Arithmetic") were
    simply brilliant.  The list of celebrities who were arrested was
    also wonderful.  Sideshow Ralph Wiggum kept me laughing the whole

Deana Weibel: I, too, thought this episode was great, far better than
    most of what has run this season.  As an avid attendee of
    Renaissance Fairs in younger days, I enjoyed the parody.  I _loved_
    the inclusion of the Death card being an OK card despite its
    appearance, and ADORED the Happy Squirrel card with its bad

Dave Burbage: Couldn't leave the States without posting about this
    episode; was truly the best Simpsons' episode ever!  I concluded
    after watching it that it was probably the best television program
    I'd ever seen!  Completely brilliant.  No praise is too high.

Margaret Lee: Wow.  I cannot say enough good things about Fox Sunday
    night.  This is one of the best Simpsons in a while.  Of course, the
    future provides ample material, but still -- you just can't beat
    that Pepsi video classroom.

Elson Trinidad: Amazing: it's the first episode in a LOOOOOONG time in
    which the general consensus of the a.t.s. community liked.  No more
    "This episode sucked" vs. "This was the best episode".  It's nice to
    see this happen for a change.  All I could say is, "I loved it."

David Thompson: Last night's episode was among the most disappointing
    displays I've ever witnessed.  Everyone's already seen Back to the
    Future, guys.  We don't want the Simpsons version.

Don Del Grande: B-plus -- it's a much better episode when you realize
    that it isn't as much "the story of Lisa's first love" as it is
    "just a bunch of stuff that may or may not happen".  Even Lisa has a
    hard time swallowing the story -- something I didn't really realize
    the first time around.  (Still, no "I do" means no A.)

Christian Coli: Lisa's Wedding, in my opinion, was rather poor.  The
    plot didn't do anything for me, and the renderings of the Simpsons
    in the future made me very glad they don't age.  The whole Milhouse
    thing was totally implausible, as well as disgusting.  Grade: D+.

Scott Fujimoto: Beautiful.  This is easily the freshest episode I've
    seen in a LONG time.  The flash-forward device apparently gave the
    writers a lot of new material to work with.  What boosts this
    episode to "classic" is the fact that it goes directly to the heart
    of Lisa and of the Simpsons.  Grade: A+.

Yours truly: Surreal...and excellent!  The Simpsons at its wacky best.
    After a ton of flashback episodes and only brief glimpses into the
    future, a full future episode felt welcome.  Love those Star Trek
    sound effects, cryoBurns, Maggie not speaking, videophone joke...a
    definite A.

"Lisa's Wedding" as a Fairy Tale (written by Cameron Dixon)

"Lisa's Wedding" is a fairy-tale about reality, in which the conventions
of the standard magical fairy-tale are skewered in standard Simpsons
style, only to be replaced by the discovery that a sense of magic can be
found in "prosaic" reality.

This idea is first proposed by the Fantastical Beastorium, where
"ordinary" animals are treated as if they were fantabulous beasts of
yore.  But Lisa doesn't need to see an esquilax; she takes joy from the
rabbit being a "simple" bunny.

We then pass through a magical-appearing wood to the fortune teller,
whose powers are never really determined; she seems to know things about
Lisa's family she couldn't normally know, and tells her story so
convincingly that Lisa finds herself standing outside the tent at the
end as if she had actually lived out the events in her future.  Yet the
fortune teller took Lisa's name from her nametag and is unable to vanish
mysteriously when the need arises.  Perhaps she's just a good
storyteller, and that's where the "magic" comes from.

Hugh's proposal via fireworks is meant to be extremely romantic, but it
fails due to dud fireworks.  He is forced to resort to showing Lisa a
cow with a proposal taped to its side; it's not the most romantic image
in the world, yet somehow it works, it *is* romantic.  (Almost
immediately, we're reminded that whenever an android shows sympathy or
sentimental emotions, their head explodes and melts.)

All these events lead up to what Lisa has significantly referred to as
her "dream wedding", where she learns that the genuine love felt between
her and her family is more authentic and worthwhile than the flashy
romanticism of Hugh, who can't see the depth of Homer's love for his
daughter and doesn't want to acknowledge Homer's existence.

The final shot of 23- year-old Lisa weeping before the tents brings to
mind the image of a fairy-tale princess, and the closing music is played
in a bittersweet medieval/Renaissance style, confirming that this was
indeed a fairy tale with an important message about experience and
innocence.  The romanticized cliches of the "knight on the white horse"
have been skewered, but Lisa ends up looking at reality with the same
wonder and innocence brought to fairy-tales, and finds it more

"Lisa's Wedding" as closure to "Lisa's Substitute" (written by Scott Fujimoto)

"Lisa's Wedding" is the perfect bookend to "Lisa's Substitute," giving
the latter a feeling of closure.

In "Lisa's Substitute," a rift develops between Lisa and Homer.  Lisa
feels emnity towards her father because of his uncaringness towards her
feelings and boorish ways -- two traits that are the opposite of Lisa's.
Mr. Bergstrom, on the other hand, is the perfect father (or, in a way,
partner) to Lisa: intelligent, kind, sensitive to her needs.  When Lisa
is forced to acknowledge that she can't go away with her teacher, that
she will always be a Simpson, she makes amends with Homer.  But the
ending is left open: Homer regains Lisa's love by acting goofy, not by
truly mending the rift.  Neither character achieves self-realization.

In "Lisa's Wedding," Lisa is once again presented with a perfect
partner: intelligent, cultured, kind, sensitive to her needs.  And just
as she becomes spiteful of Homer when he is contrasted with Mr.
Bergstrom, so too does she become embarrassed with her family when they
are contrasted to Hugh and his family.  She shares Hugh's disdain for
the Simpsons until the climax of the episode when Homer delivers the
beautiful short speech to her.  Lisa then sees Hugh wants the Lisa part
and not the Simpson part, and that she will always be both -- a fact
that is a strength, not a weakness.  Although the Parkfields might be a
perfect family, the Simpsons are ultimately a loving family.  When Lisa
sees this basic, often-forgotten truth, the tension within Lisa between
her gifts and her family comes to a resolution -- she achieves self-
realization, which provides closure to "Lisa's Substitute".  This is
manifested by her rejection of Hugh in the future and her new attitude
towards Homer in the present.

"Lisa's Wedding" also highlights a change in _Homer_ in the future.  In
the present, Homer is ignorant or contemptuous of Lisa's gifts: her
intelligence, her curiosity, her activism, her sax-playing.  This is the
cause of the rift in "Lisa's Substitute".  So in "Lisa's Wedding", his
speech (which is about how Lisa is the best thing to come from the
Simpson family and what a gift she is to him) illustrates Homer's
understanding of both Lisa and himself.  At last, he appreciates Lisa
for how special she is; the conflict between the two that opened in
"Lisa's Substitute" is resolved.

It is the resolution of Lisa and Homer's relationship and the
realization each comes to (of Homer that he has a wonderful daughter; of
Lisa that she has a wonderful, though imperfect, family) that deeply
touched my heart.  And it made the story more than just good, or even
excellent: the Simpsons has reached a pinnacle, and after watching it I
felt that a long journey had finally ended.

Comments and other observations

Dr. Dre

Charles Kelly explains that he is "a very popular `gangsta' rapper named
    Dr. Dre.  His album `The Chronic' was released in 1992, and it
    contained hits such as `Dre Day,' `Let Me Ride,' and `Nuthin' But a
    'G' Thang.'  Dre's headed to the penitentiary soon (if he's not
    already there).  I seem to recall that he pled guilty to a lesser
    offense rather than stand trial on what he was charged with.
    His given name is Andre Young, and he founded the seminal rap group
    N.W.A.  (Niggaz with Attitude) along with `Easy E' Eric Wright and
    Ice Cube, among others, in the late 1980s.  The group broke up, and
    its members have gone on to greater success."

Airport identifications

Bob Yantosca observes, "When they went to England, they flew out of
    Boston/Logan airport, recognizable by its distinctive tower.  The
    Logan tower is 20 stories tall, and was the tallest airport tower in
    the world for a while (it may still be, I'm not sure.)  Logan is
    also the 10th busiest airport in the USA and 16th busiest in the
    world overall.  I know all this neat stuff about Logan because I
    live 0.8 miles from runway 22R.  In fact, we're on a hill, so we can
    see the entire airport from our back porch!"
    Aaron Varhola says the airport they fly into is the National Airport
    in Washington.

Maggie's pacifier around her neck

Aaron Varhola claims, "During the summer of 1990 in the U.S., the
    second-most-popular fad was to suck on a pacifier; usually it was on
    a string around one's neck.  I don't know if it was Maggie-inspired
    or not, but I'd like to think so.  :) (See the movie `Boyz n the
    Hood' for an example.)"

Celebrity arrestee list

One of the celebrities arrested is the artist formerly known as Prince.
    Tony Hill says of him, "Prince, a curious performer, announced in
    1993 he was changing his name to the unpronounceable symbol seen in
    Brockman's list.  Last year, he announced he was to be called The
    Artist Formerly Known As Prince, or TAFKAP for short."
    Also, "Son of Sam, The Serial Killer Formerly Known As David
    Berkowitz, wrought havoc in New York in 1977."

The Edison Project

Aaron Varhola explains, "Chris Whittle is an entrepreneur who tried a
    few years ago to put a syndicated television newscast, with mucho
    commercials, in public schools.  His new idea is the `Edison
    Project', a system of commercially-operated private schools with
    heavy corporate input (read: advertising all over the place).  The
    Pepsi math lesson is an obvious ref to this."
    Benjamin Dreyfus continues, "This Orwellian vision of the future is
    _not_ fiction -- this is reality.  Last month, my school did a
    `Motivational Media Assembly' that was sponsored by Pepsi.  This was
    on a big old video screen in the auditorium, with clips from recent
    movies (Forrest Gump, Speed, etc.), clips from the excrement that
    passes for music (Ace of Base), interspersed with sports figures,
    handicapped people, recovering alcoholics, etc., talking.  At the
    end, the screen said `Be young, have fun, drink Pepsi.'  The general
    message seemed to be `Don't drink alcohol, drink Pepsi!'  And the
    only reason they interrupted educational time for this was because
    Pepsi paid the school 5 trillion dollars or something."

The music played by Martin

The organ music, writes Tony Hill, is "`A Fifth of Beethoven,' based on
    the first theme from the first movement to Beethoven's Fifth
    Symphony.  It was a number one hit for Walter Murphy in the fall of
    1976."  Ken Cox adds, "He did several similar pieces including
    `Flight '76' (Rimsky-Korsakov's `Flight of the Bumblebee'), `Night
    on Disco Mountain' (Mussorgsky's `Night on Bald Mountain'), and
    `Toccata and Funk in D Minor' (Bach's `Tocatta and Fugue in D
    Minor').  Come to think of it, I believe the last piece _was_ used
    in the rock-opera version of Phantom that also came out in the 70's;
    I think there was a movie version with Paul Williams in the title
    role.  A couple of Murphy's works also made it into Saturday Night

Quotes and Scene Summary

[Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
Frederic Briere.]

The scene opens with majestic music and a banner, "Knight Battle To-
daye".  Two knights fight on the lawn, one with a sword and shield, the
other with a spiked ball.  The one with the spiked ball pounds the other
in the head, knocking him over.

     Ned: Zounds, I did thee mightily smitily!
           [assembled audience under "Springfield Renaissance Fair"
          "Zounds" is a renaissance English word short for "God's
          wounds" but the "smitily", that's pure Flanders!
Smithers: [lying on the ground] [raising his visor] Please, call a
    Bart: [whining] Oh, these renaissance fairs are so boring.
   Marge: Oh, really?  Did you see the loom?  [camera turns to it] I
          took loom in high school.
           [Marge hums, quickly weaves "Hi Bart, I am weaving on a
    Bart: [pause] Meh.
-- Marge's hidden talents, "Lisa's Wedding"

A pig with an apple in its mouth rotates on a spit over a fire.  Homer,
an apple in _his_ mouth, looks it in the eyes and rotates his head in

Doris: Yon meat, 'tis sweet as summer's wafting breeze.
Homer: Can I have some?
Doris: Mine ears are only open to the pleas of those who speak ye olde
Homer: Sweet maiden of the spit, grant now my boon, that I might sup on
       suckling pig this noon.
Doris: Whatever.
-- Homer, linguist, "Lisa's Wedding"

Homer's plea succeeds.  He walks alongside Lisa, mowing down on pig.

Homer: Oh, I've eaten eight different meats.  I am a true renaissance
       man!  [takes a huge bite]
 Lisa: I'll go to the first aid tent and tell them to plug in ye olde
       stomach pump.
-- Wonderful medieval technology, "Lisa's Wedding"

Lisa walks up to Police Chief Wiggum who's dressed in a friar's garb.
He stands at the entrance of a tent with a sign, "Friar Wiggum's
Fantastical Beastarium".

        [Lisa walks up]
Wiggum: Alight your gaze on yonder fabled beasts of yore.
         [motions to chimera and manticore pictures]
         [inside the tent]
        Behold, the rarest of the rare, the mythological two-headed
        hound born with only one head.
         [a regular dog wags its tail with a bored look]
        Ooh, and here, out of the mists of history, the legendary
        esquilax, a horse with the head of a rabbit and the body of a
         [the rabbit hops out of its pen]
        Oh, it's galloping away.
  Lisa: [chasing it] Here, bunny bunny.  Here, bunny.
Wiggum: [correcting her] "Here, esquilax".
-- Fantastical, indeed, "Lisa's Wedding"

Lisa chases the rabbit off into the forest, laughing at first, but soon
the woods close in around her, and she looks frightened.  She comes upon
a tent, lit inside.  She pulls back the opening flap to reveal a woman
dressed like a gypsy sitting at a table, candles burning all around her.

Woman: I've been waiting for you, Lisa.
 Lisa: [gasps] How did you know my name?
Woman: Your nametag.  ["Hi, I'm Lady Lisa"] Would you like to know your
 Lisa: Heh, sorry, I don't believe in fortune telling.  I should go.
Woman: What's your hurry?  Bart and Maggie and Marge are at the joust,
       and Homer is heckling the puppet show.
 Lisa: [gasps] Wow, you _can_ see into the...present.
-- Lisa meets the soothsayer, "Lisa's Wedding"

Woman: Now we'll see what the future holds.
        [turns over a card from what looks like a Tarot deck]
 Lisa: [gulps] The "Death" card?
Woman: No, that's good: it means transition, change.
 Lisa: [relieved] Oh.
        [the woman turns over another card]
 Lisa: Oh, that's cute.
Woman: [gasps] "The Happy Squirel"!
 Lisa: [timid] That's bad?
Woman: Possibly.  The cards are vague and mysterious.
-- The science of tarot card reading, "Lisa's Wedding"

  Woman: They seem to be revealing the story of your first love.  Do you
         want me to continue?
   Lisa: [gulps] Guess so.
  Woman: [concentrating] It's coming to me...yes, I see an eastern
         university in the year 2010.  The world has become a very
         different place.
          [in the future, many robots clatter past]
          [they walk past a sign saying "Wizard of Oz auditions today"]
          [these are followed by a scarecrow and a lion]
Student: I can't wait to see that play.
-- The storytelling begins, "Lisa's Wedding"

One of the trees in a courtyard flickers and buzzes like a bad TV
picture.  A student walks up to it and kicks it; a plaque at the base
reads, "In memory of a real tree".  An older Lisa wearing jeans and a
pink sweater walks down the stairs and fixes her hair.  She walks
towards a drinking fountain, only to knock heads with a man who got the
same idea at the same time.  "Hey, watch it!" they say to each other.
The man drinks from the fountain then walks away as Lisa comments, "That
man is instantly the most annoying person I have ever met," and growls.

"A soy-based snack will calm me down," she reasons, walking over to a
"Soy Pops" vending machine.  Someone uses a card to purchase the last
Soy Pop ("Now with Gag Suppressant"); of course, it is the annoying man.
Lisa sees what he has done and growls again.

The man walks into an elevator and closes the door just before Lisa can
get on.  "Agh!  Him again," she says, walking up the stairs.  At the
top, breathless, she walks up to a library reference desk.

     Lisa: [breathless] Hello, I need "Ecosystem of the Marsh" by
Librarian: The last copy was just signed out by...[checks computer] oh,
           Hugh Parkfield.  Oh, there he is.  [points]
     Lisa: No!  It couldn't be.
            [a man holding a book turns around; it isn't Hugh]
            [Hugh, who had been bent over, stands up]
     Hugh: Thanks for holding my book while I tied my shoe.
     Lisa: D'oh!
-- Her father's habits, "Lisa's Wedding"

Lisa walks up to Hugh.

     Lisa: That's the book I need.  You'll probably take forever with
           it, too.
     Hugh: I can read faster than you.
     Lisa: I read at a 78th grade level.
     Hugh: [opens book, slaps it on a table] Right here!
            [they both read frantically]
     Lisa: [much later] Finish this page?
     Hugh: Ages ago.
     Lisa: Grr...
     Hugh: I'll get the dictionary.
     Lisa: Why?
     Hugh: You'll see when you get there: the word "stochastic".
     Lisa: "Pertaining to a process involving a randomly-determined
           sequence of observations".  [laughs]
            [they look at each other, then embrace passionately]
Librarian: [looking on] Hmph.  First they hate other, now all of a
           sudden they _love_ each other.  Oh, it doesn't make any sense
           to me.
      Man: Of course not, you're a robot.
            [the librarian weeps; her tearduct malfunctions and her head
-- The improperly designed librarian, "Lisa's Wedding"

Lisa and Hugh go on a date to "40 classic films starring Jim Carrey".
They walk out together afterwards, his arm around her shoulder.

Hugh: I've never met anyone who so understood the magic of Jim Carrey.
Lisa: He can make you laugh with no more than a frantic flailing of his
       [later, back at "Dr. & Mrs. Dre Hall"]
Hugh: Mmm, I can't believe how much we have in common.  We're both
      studying the environment, we're both utterly humorless about our
      vegetarianism, and we both _love_ the Rolling Stones.
Lisa: Yes, not for the music, but for their tireless effort to preserve
      historic buildings.
Hugh: Lisa, I can't _bear_ the thought of being apart from you all
      summer.  Come back with me to Parkfield Manor.
Lisa: I'd love to!  Can we get vegetarian meals at your parents' house?
Hugh: Yes, we can, Lisa.
Lisa: _That_ is good because eating animals is wrong.
Hugh: So very wrong.
Lisa: When will the world learn?
Hugh: [mournful] I don't know.  I just don't know.
-- Two crusaders against the omnivores of the world, "Lisa's Wedding"

It's arranged: the two are in a plane which prepares to take off.  "I
love these new planes," exclaims Lisa.  "Yes," concurs Hugh, "it's a
good thing they reevaluated those wacky old designs."  The camera pulls
back to reveal the plane they're in has six sets of wings on it.

They fly into London past Big Ben whose clock face has been replaced
with a digital one.  It flashes "12:00" repeatedly.  A modern-sounding
car drives the two to Parkfield Manor.

  Lisa: Beautiful dinnerware, Mrs. Parkfield.
Mrs. P: Thank you, Lisa.  They were made for the finest family in
 Mr. P: I don't know how _we_ ended up with them.
  Lisa: [thinking] Uh oh.  Should I laugh?  Was that dry British wit, or
        subtle self-pity?  Ooh, they're staring at me, better respond.
         [laughs very tentatively]
 Mr. P: Oh, it's good to hear a boisterous American laugh!
  Lisa: And I love that painting.  Judging by the clothes, I'd say...
        seventeenth century?
Mrs. P: Actually, Lisa, it's just Uncle Eldred.
Eldred: [fishing in an empty fishbowl] I get me brain medicine from the
        National Health!
-- Neither dry British wit _nor_ subtle self-pity, "Lisa's Wedding"

Hugh and Lisa go for a picnic at a spot in the hills.

 Lisa: This place is so enchanting, Hugh.  I love it here!
 Hugh: I wanted this to be perfect for you.  I know you Americans like
       everything to be...fireworks.
        [some explode in the distance]
 Lisa: [gasps] Oh?  [sees a sign lighting up slowly]
        ["Lisa, will you do me the honor of giving me your hand in the
       holy tradition of matrimo --" then it burns out]
 Hugh: Oh, blast.  [speaking into his watch] Go to plan B.
        [a cow walks out with a hand-painted "Marry me" sign]
 Lisa: Yes I will!
        [they kiss]
Man 1: Isn't it wonderful?  Master Hugh has found a true love.
        [he and Man 2 both weep; their heads melt]
-- More lousy androids, "Lisa's Wedding"

[End of Act One.  Time: 7:13]

Lisa dials home to Marge on a videophone at Parkfield Manor.

 Lisa: Hi, Mom.
Marge: Lisa!  Hello.  How are you doing in England?  Remember, an
       elevator is called a "lift", a mile is called a "kilometer", and
       botulism is called "steak and kidney pie".
 Lisa: Guess what?  Hugh and I are getting married!
Marge: All right!  Lisa, that's _wonderful_.  If only your father were
       still with us...but he left for work a few minutes ago.
 Lisa: Mom, remember when I was little, we'd always planned my dream
       wedding and you always promised to...you know, well, keep Dad
       from ruining it?
Marge: [crossing her fingers] Oh, don't worry, honey, I guarantee your
       father will behave.
 Lisa: [nonplussed] Mom, it's a picture phone.
Marge: [looking at her fingers] This?  This?  Oh, no, I've just got a
       touch of the rheumatiz.
 Lisa: Oh.
Marge: [wipes her brow] Phew!
 Lisa: Mom, picture phone.
-- The disadvantage of technology, "Lisa's Wedding"

A futuristic building is shown.  Bart sits in a high-backed chair.

Bart: [on phone] Hi Mom!  Oh, that's great news about Lisa.  Well,
      listen, I better get back to work.  [hangs up]
      Heh heh, they're finally paying me for this!
       [uses a crane to demolish a building]
      Oh yeah, ha ha!
-- Bart, demolition man, "Lisa's Wedding"

At the Springfield Nuclear Plant ("Still operating thanks to the lengthy
appeals process"), most of the work is now done by robots.  The camera
pans past a conference room where Carl and Lenny sit across from two
other men.  Carl says, "Yes, well, the international market is my
focus," as the camera glides by onto Homer, still working at the same
work station.

   Homer: [on phone] Woo hoo!  Aw, Marge, that's great news.
Milhouse: [walking in] Hey hey, there, with the personal calls, Simpson.
   Homer: Oh, uh, but Mr. Milhouse, my little girl's getting married.
Milhouse: Lisa?  [mournful] Oh, my one true love.
           [flash to teenage, acned Milhouse behind wheel of a car]
    Lisa: It's not you, Milhouse, I just don't plan to ever get married.
           [Milhouse weeps openly]
           [back to present]
Milhouse: [threatening] I think I'll write your performance evaluation
          now, Simpson.
           [walks out]
-- Milhouse, levelheaded supervisor, "Lisa's Wedding"

Later, the camera pans down Evergreen Terrace past a lot of futuristic
houses, then stops on the Simpson residence which looks the same except
for shoddily-built wooden additions.

Homer: Oh, I gotta call everyone and tell them the good news.
        [picks up phone: "In use"]
       What the -- oh.  Maggie!  I need to use the phone!
        [upstairs, Maggie glowers]
       Will that girl ever shut up?  OK, Marge, I'll plan everything: we
       can have the reception at Moe's.  Wait!  Why not have the whole
       wedding there?  We'll do it on a Monday morning.  There'll be
       fewer drunks.
Marge: Homer, don't take this personally, but I've obtained a court
       order to prevent you from planning this wedding.
Homer: [reads documents] Well, these seem to be in order.  I'll be out
       back in the hammock.
-- Homer takes rejection well, "Lisa's Wedding"

Smithers reads his wedding invitation.

  Smithers: "Mr. Smithers plus guest"...huh.  There's only one person I
            would want to bring.
             [pulls a frozen Mr. Burns from a slot in the wall]
            Oh, Mr. Burns, we'll thaw you out the second they discover
            the cure for seventeen stab wounds in the back.  How're we
            doing, boys?
     Frink: Well, we're up to fifteen!
Scientists: Yay!
-- Dr. Frink's gainful new employment, "Lisa's Wedding"

Principal Skinner reads his invitation at school and thinks to himself.
He walks down the hall and looks into Miss Hoover's classroom, where
children sit in front of a TV screen, piled three high and crammed into

   Troy: {[on TV] Now turn to the next problem.  If you have three
         Pepsis and drink one, how much more refreshed are you?  You,
         the redhead in the Chicago school system?
          [a window opens up on the screen to show the girl]}
   Girl: {Pepsi?}
   Troy: {Partial credit!}
Skinner: [walking in] We've been invited to the wedding of our only
         graduate to read at an adult level.
 Hoover: Mmm, it must be Lisa Simpson, because of course Martin Prince
         perished in that science fair explosion.
          [camera pans down below the earth]
 Martin: [dressed as The Phantom] Not quite perished, my lady love,
         although some days I wish I had.
          [starts playing "A Fifth of Beethoven" on an organ]
-- A fate truly worse than death, "Lisa's Wedding"

Hugh and Lisa leave the airport in a car belonging to the Otto Cab Co.
(established 2003).

  Lisa: [to cab driver] Hey, I remember you!  Mayor Quimby, right?
Quimby: I, uh, er, uh, uh, no.  Look at this licence: Mohammed Jafar.
  Otto: [on screen] Quimby, after this fare, get your indicted ass out
        to the convention center.
Quimby: [to himself] I cut the ribbon at that convention center.
-- At least he's not illiterate, "Lisa's Wedding"

 Lisa: [laughing nervously] Just a couple more blocks to my house!
       [laughs more, then starts hyperventilating]
 Hugh: Lisa, darling, don't worry: I'm sure I'll get along with your
       family.  You've so thoroughly prepared me for the worst.  As long
       as they're not squatting in a ditch poking berries up their
 Lisa: [breathing heavily] And if they are?
 Bart: [seeing them] Here they come: raise the flag!
        [Homer does so; it sparks as it touches something electrical]
Marge: Oh, Lisa!
Homer: Yo, Hugh!  Here's a little bit of US hospitality: whaddaya think
       of _that_?
        [the flag is now on fire]
        [Hugh gasps]
 Lisa: Dad!
Homer: Aah!
        [he and Bart pull it down and stomp on it]
Marge: Now throw compost on it!
        [they do so]
Homer: Whew!  [hands the flag to Hugh] Er, enjoy.
 Hugh: Oh...[a tear forms] it's still warm.
        [Lisa hyperventilates some more]
-- Sounds worse than the berries scenario, "Lisa's Wedding"

[End of Act Two.  Time: 11:53]

Hugh is led to his room by Homer.

Homer: You can be the first to try out the new guest bedroom I built.
       [quietly] Remember, if the building inspector comes by, it's not
       a room, it's a window box.  [walks out]
 Lisa: [hugging Hugh] Oh, Hugh, thank you.  You've been just wonderful
       through this entire ordeal.
 Hugh: Lisa, I love you so much I'm willing to go through anything.
        [falls through the floor onto the compost heap]
 Lisa: [gasps] Are you OK?
 Hugh: [strained] I'm fine, Lisa.  Fortunately, the compost heap broke
       my fall.  Be a dear: run a bath.
-- He didn't mean literally, "Lisa's Wedding"

At dinner, the rest of the family chows down like nobody's business
while Hugh stares on, aghast.

 Marge: Homer!  Bart!  Maggie!  Company eating rules.
 Homer: [burps] Oh, right.
         [everyone eats all delicate, like]
  Bart: Anyway, Hugh, there's more to my life than just the wrecking
        ball: I also crush cars into cubes.  And on the side, I promote
        local tough man contests.  Basically, I'm getting out all my
        aggression 'till I go to law school.
 Homer: So, Hugh: have you heard all the latest American jokes?  Uh...
        here's a good one: pull my finger!
  Hugh: [chuckles] Yes, we have that one in England, too, Mr. Simpson.
 Homer: [threatening] I said pull my finger.
  Lisa: [nervous] Uh, Mom?  We've got my wedding dress fitting this
        afternoon.  Maggie, if you're not doing anything, why don't you
        come with us?
Maggie: Mmm --
 Marge: Maggie!  Don't talk with your mouth full.
         [Maggie glowers]
 Homer: Me and Bart will take you out on the town this afternoon.
  Lisa: Hugh should take it easy because of his fall.
  Hugh: Oh, Lisa, please, the only thing bruised in that fall was my
        spine.  I'd be delighted.
 Homer: Great.  There's only one thing I ask in return.
  Hugh: Certainly.
 Homer: Pull my finger!
-- The first family dinner together, "Lisa's Wedding"

In the car, Hugh covers his eyes and screams while Homer yells, "So,
this driving on the left makes you feel more at home, huh, Hugh?"

At Moe's, the 1500 channel cable has Kent Brockman reading the news for
CNNBCBS (a division of ABC).

Kent: [on TV] And tonight, the following celebrities have been arrested
      -- [a list scrolls by] -- while Heather Locklear-Fortensky remains
      at large.  Remember, if you see any celebrities, consider them
Hugh: You know, I rather like this pub.
 Moe: Oho, an English boy, huh?  You know, we saved your ass in World
      War II.
Hugh: Yeah, well, we saved _your_ arse in World War III.
 Moe: [conciliatory] That's true.
-- A quick comeback at Moe's, "Lisa's Wedding"

Homer: Hugh, there's something I want you to have.  My Dad gave me his
       cufflinks on the day I married Marge and they brought us good
       luck.  I couldn't imagine a happier marriage.  We don't have many
       traditions in our family, but it would mean a lot to me if you
       kept this one alive.
 Hugh: Well I'd be honored...
        [opens case; cufflinks are a bride and groom pig]
       ...to wear those...things.
Homer: Aw.
-- Homer, not too perceptive, "Lisa's Wedding"

{Bart wears a headset and gloves and mimes playing pool.  Another man,
also wearing a headset and gloves, mimes throwing a dart.  He tosses it,
and Bart reels forward.  "Ow!  Hey, watch those virtual darts.  I'm
trying to play virtual pool."  He swings his virtual cue and hits the
man; the man grabs a virtual chair and breaks it on Bart.  The two fight
some more until Moe calls, "Hey, hey!  No fighting in my bar," and
pushes a button which emits a high-pitched tone straight into their
ears.  They writhe on the ground in pain.}

That night, in bed, Marge watches TV.

Marge: You know, Fox turned into a hardcore sex channel so gradually, I
       didn't even notice.  Yeesh!  [turns TV off]
Homer: Marge, it's so great to have the whole family together under one
       roof.  I never realized how much I missed it!  Listen to the
       murmurs in the next room...the house is full of life again.
       [pounds on wall] Keep it down in there!
 Lisa: All right, Dad!  [sighs] I'm sorry I left you alone with Homer
       and Bart.
 Hugh: [weakly] No, no, honey: I had a fine time.
 Lisa: How did you get that gash on your forehead?
 Hugh: Oh, that was when we hid in the dumpster, after the fire alarm
       went off in the pornographic magazine warehouse.
 Lisa: Oh, you are so good to put up with all of this.
 Hugh: Oh, don't be silly, Lisa.  Everything's fine, really.  Now go to
       sleep: we have a _big_ day ahead of us tomorrow, a big, long day.
        [they kiss; Lisa turns over]
        [Hugh drums his fingers together apprehensively]
-- Trouble in fiance land, "Lisa's Wedding"

The next day...

Marge: Lisa, I can't _believe_ it's your wedding day already.
 Lisa: Mom, I feel kind of funny wearing white.  I mean...Milhouse.
Marge: [dismissive] Oh, Milhouse doesn't count.
        [they both laugh]
 Lisa: OK, I've got something old, that's my pearl necklace, something
       new is the wedding dress, something borrowed is this antique
       brooch from Hugh's mother...now I just need something blue.
Marge: [cuts a lock of her hair] Here.
 Lisa: Oh, Mom, thanks.
        [they hug]
-- Gray as a mule since seventeen, "Lisa's Wedding"

A tent has been set up for the wedding, the shadow of the power plant
looming large in the background.  In a nearby stream, some horribly
mutated fish hop out of the water.

Lisa prepares herself in front of a mirror.

Bart: Wow, Lisa, looking at you makes me want to get married for a third
      time.  I met a really nice exotic dancer the other night at Hugh's
      bachelor party.
Lisa: Hugh didn't have a bachelor party.
Bart: We had one in his honor.
       [Lisa looks glum]
      _I_ had one in his honor.
       [Lisa continues to look glum]
       [abashed] I went to a strip club.
-- True confessions, "Lisa's Wedding"

Hugh prepares to introduce Homer to his parents.

 Hugh: [sighs heavily] Well, here goes nothing.  Mum, Dad...meet Homer
        [they exchange pleasantries]
Homer: [long pause] You know what's great about you English?
       "Octopussy".  Man, I must have seen that movie...twice!
 Hugh: [weakly] Yes...yes!  Well, that's not too bad.
-- Preparing for the worst, "Lisa's Wedding"

{Patty and Selma walk into the tent past an older Mr. and Mrs.

   Patty: {Hey, Krabappel: if you get in the way of that bouquet, I'll
          stuff that sunhat down your neck.}
   Burns: [being wheeled in] Smithers, take me home!  I'm not fully
Smithers: Nonsense!  Just sit down and rest for a moment.  There you go.
           [Burns' bottom half breaks off]
   Burns: Ow!
Smithers: Oh, no.  We've got a little situation here.
   Burns: I can't feel anything below my cummerbund.
-- The wedding guests arrive, "Lisa's Wedding"

Homer checks on Lisa.

Homer: Ooh la la!
 Lisa: Hi, Dad.
Homer: You look great, sweetheart.
 Lisa: [abashed] Thanks.
Homer: Little Lisa, Lisa Simpson.  You know, I always felt you were the
       best thing my name ever got attached to.  Since the time you
       learned to pin your own diapers, you've been smarter than me.
 Lisa: Oh, Dad --
Homer: No, no, let me finish.  I just want you to know I've always been
       proud of you.  You're my greatest accomplishment and you did it
       all yourself.  You helped me understand my own wife better and
       taught me to be a better person, but you're also my daughter, and
       I don't think anybody could have had a better daughter than you
 Lisa: Dad, you're babbling.
Homer: See?  You're still helping me.
-- The joy of children, "Lisa's Wedding"

 Lisa: [noticing the cufflinks] Hey Dad, did you forget to give those
       cufflinks to Hugh?
Homer: Uh...no.
 Lisa: Well?
Homer: I found them on the nightstand this morning and...well, I guess
       they weren't his cup of tea.  Don't worry about it.
 Lisa: But you've been going on about these all week.  I'm sure he just
        [walks to where Hugh is preparing]
 Hugh: Lisa, we're not supposed to see each other before the wedding.
       It's tradition.
 Lisa: What about _my_ family's tradition?  [holds up cufflinks]
 Hugh: Surely you don't want me to wear those?  In front of my parents
       and their friends?
 Lisa: But you promised my Dad you would.
 Hugh: I was just humoring him, darling.  Actually, he frightens me a
 Lisa: I know they look a little silly but his feelings will be hurt if
       you don't wear them.
 Hugh: [resigned] Fine.  [wears them]
-- The delicate issue of the cufflinks, "Lisa's Wedding"

Hugh: I must say, you were right.  This has been quite trying.  You
      know, I've attempted to enjoy your family on a personal level, on
      an ironic level, as a novelty, as camp, as kitsch, as cautionary
      example...nothing works.  Frankly, I'll be quite relieved when we
      get back to England and we won't have to deal with them.
Lisa: Are you saying we won't see my family again?
Hugh: Well, possibly your mother will come when the children are born.
Lisa: I can't believe I'm hearing this.  I don't want to cut my family
      out of my life.
Hugh: Really?  But Lisa, you're better than this place: you're like a
      flower that grew out of a pot of dirt.
Lisa: That's a horrible thing to say!
Hugh: Well, come on, _you_ complain about them more than anyone.
Lisa: Maybe, but I still love them!  And I don't think you understand
       [walks out, leaving the ring in Hugh's hand]
-- "Lisa's Wedding"

Meanwhile, in the main tent...

   Lovejoy: And now, to sing "Amazing Grace", Miss Maggie Simpson.
   Hibbert: Heh heh, she's quite a hellion but she does have an
            incredible voice.
    Maggie: Ahem.  [breathes in]
      Hugh: [rushing in] Stop everything!  The wedding has been called
             [everyone gasps and chatters]
Nelson Sr.: Ha ha!
Nelson Jr.: Ha ha!
    Krusty: Ohh...
   Lovejoy: Uh, this is very sad news, and it never would have happened
            if the wedding had been inside the church with God instead
            of out here in the cheap showiness of nature.
     Doris: Who wants cake?
             [everyone stampedes for it]
-- A happy ending for some, "Lisa's Wedding"

Lisa walks out past a line of guests, dejected, and into a nearby wood.
She weeps.  The scene fades back to young Lisa, who turns around to see
the soothsayer in her tent.

Woman: The next day, Hugh goes back to England, and you never see him
 Lisa: Wow.  Now that I know all this, isn't there any way to change the
Woman: No...but try to look surprised.
 Lisa: I thought you said you'd tell me about my _true_ love.
Woman: Oh, you'll have a true love, but I specialize in foretelling the
       relationships where you get jerked around.
        [laughs manically; throws a smoke bomb and continues to laugh]
        [the smoke clears, and she's still sitting there]
-- Less-than-spectacular exits, "Lisa's Wedding"

As Lisa walks out of the tent, the bunny (er, esquilax) hops into her
arms.  She carries it back to Friar Wiggum's and puts it in its box.

Homer: Lisa, Lisa!  Where were you?  You missed the most incredible
 Lisa: [grateful] Hi, Dad!  [hugs him]
Homer: I ate seven pounds of fudge!
 Lisa: Wow!
Homer: The man at the stand said it was a record.
 Lisa: Wow!  What else did you do, Dad?
Homer: I rode the teacups, then I got a little sick and I had to sit
       down.  But then, I rode them again...
-- All's well, "Lisa's Wedding"

[End of Act Three.  Time: 20:57]

The theme music over the credits is medieval sounding, with a lute and
harp.  The Gracie Films music is played with trumpets and a harp.


   {ddg} Don Del Grande
   {jsg} Joshua Guenter
   {dh}  Dave Hall
   {poh} Peter O. Hill
   {th}  Tony Hill
   {ak}  Anthony Kibort [Aw, come on. Kibort? - ed]
   {bl}  Bradley Lascelle
   {tn}  Travers Naran
   {wp}  Werner Peeters
   {av}  Aaron Varhola
   {bw}  Bill Walko
   {jhw} John H. Woo
This episode summary is Copyright 1996 by James A. Cherry.  Not to be
redistributed in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes
themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the
reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.  I'm
just taking credit for the compilation.)