Seymour Skinner File

Created by Dave Sweatt
Maintained by Damien Vitali

PA Announcements
Vietnam Flashbacks
Giving Bart Detention
Skinner's love of rules and order
Dealing with his Mother
Dealing with Superintendent Chalmers
Skinner's Lunchroom
Keeping Busy


"What kind of little boy has a tea set?" "I think we both know the answer to that. A lucky boy!"
  • Facts
    • [2F16] Full name is W. Seymour Skinner {gk}
    • [4F23] Birth name is Armon Tanzarian
    • [7G13] Nick name is Spanky
    • [1F09] Alias name is 8 Ball
    • Voiced by: Harry Shearer
    • [AABF02] is Principal of Springfield Elementary for the last 15 years
    • [1F18] Military Rank: [E-7] Sgt. First Class
    • [9F02] he is an ex-Green Beret
    • [2F09] he is a Stonecutter
    • [2F16] has a diploma or degree hanging in his office {gk}
    • [3F13] he is a member of the Town Jubilation Committee
    • [1F09] he is part of Homer's vigilante group
    • [9F21] he was a Be Sharp
    • [3G02] he has metal plate in his butt
    • [4F09] as of this date, he is a virgin
    • [5F10] he is repaying his mother for all the food he ate as a child
    • [4F09] he is dating Edna Krabbappel
    • [8F03] he was believed to be murdered by Bart, but he was only trapped under a pile of newspapers
    • [9F20] he gets the Osaka Flu
    • [1F09] his Stormin' Norman commerative plates are stolen for the second time
    • [1F18] he thinks Yom Kipper is a made up excuse
    • [2F08] he is featured on the cover of "Principal's World Magazine"
    • [4F23] his secret life as an orphaned hoodlum, his name and real identity, are revealed later, a Judge declares his name officially Seymour Skinner, and orders everything to be just as it was before, including his smother
    • [5F10] his mother gives him an allowance from his paychecks
    • [5F23] is married to his mother by the Movementarians
    • [FABF12] The best principal that Springfield Elementary could afford
    • [GABF05] (about his relationship with Edna) �Our relationship is in the history books, and there isn�t anything worth highlighting.� (Edna)
    • [GABF03] is a "40 something school administrator"
  • Emotional Traits
    • [1F18] gets the hic-ups when he's upset
    • is easily startled by Supt. Chalmers
    • is disturbed by his vietnam experiences
    • is disturbed by his mother
  • Likes
    • [7F15] cafeteria tater-tots
    • [8F15] his beloved puma, principal of the mountains
    • [9F18] jello bricks with a grape in the center
    • [1F05] enjoys antiquing on weekends
    • [1F11] the box factory
    • [1F16] Orange Julius
    • [1F17] thinks door to door sugar is a marvelous idea
    • [1F17] diarama-rama
    • [1F17] Star Wars figures
    • [3F10] loves the sound of students blinking in unison
    • [4F23] loves his Friday night Silhouettes with mother
    • [AABF08] is glad he works at an elementary school, [cause if he worked at a Post Office, he'd gone "postal" long ago]
    • [GABF05] supports glacial awareness
  • Dislikes
    • [8F06] the My Ding-a-Ling song
    • [1F06] dirty words shaved in students hair
    • [1F18] dirty words in army marching chants
    • [2F05] the name Butthead Memorial Auditorium

PA Announcements

"Attention. This is an emergency broadcast, all is well in the school..."
  • [8F02] "Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal..."
  • [8F24] "Attention everyone, this is principal Skinner. I trust you all remembered to bring in your implements of destruction. Now let's trash this dump."
  • [9F04] "Martin Prince, report to my office at once, and bring that big juicy chess club brain of yours."
  • [9F13] "Attention everyone, this is Principal Skinner. Some student, possibly Bart Simpson, has been circulating candy hearts featuring crude off color sentiments. Valentines Day is no joke..."
  • [9F18] "Children, we've just been tipped off that Supt. Chalmers is planning a surprise inspection, so let's clean up this pig styy. On another topic, the following students have won mountain bikes: Bart Simpson, Jimbo Jones, Nelson Muntz. You may pick your bikes up in utility basement B. FOOLS!, ha ha ha....." "....oops, still on."
  • [1F18] "Remain calm, there's a dog in the vents."
  • [2F05] "Attention, this is Principal Skinner, your principal, with a message from the principal's office. All students please proceed immediately to an assembly in the Butthead Memorial Auditorium."
  • [2F14] "Attention students, it's time once again to choose a gym class for the coming term, so let's all prove how adult we can be by filing into the gym in a quiet and orderly manner."
  • [2F17] "Students I have an announcement, one of your favorite comic book heroes, Radio Man...strange I should'nt have been able to hear that.....anyway, a hollywood studio has decided to film the radioactive man movie here in Springfield. And they will be holding auditions to find a local youngster to play fallout boy. Oh, and the air conditioner will be fixed this afternoon."
  • [2F19] "Attention. This is an emergency broadcast, all is well in the school, my authority as principal is total."
  • [3F17] "Yes, go to work with your parents day, tommorrow you will learn by doing, and apply your knowledge of fractions and gym to real world situations."
  • [4F09] "...apparently the bake sale to raise money for the car wash has been cancelled due to confusion. Well, that concludes this morning's announcements, I'm Seymour Skinner and stand by to resume learning in 5---4---3---2---1."
  • [4F09] "Bart Simpson report to the principal's office immediately"
  • [4F09] "Bart Simpson to the principal's office, post haste."
  • [5F05] "Attention. All honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archeological dig, conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archeological dig."
  • [5F13] students think he is making a PA announcement, but he is standing at the doorway
  • [5F20] "Attention please. I need a volunteer for a thankless chore. Shall I assume the only hand in the air is Lisa Simpson? Thank you Lisa."
  • [AABF03] "Lisa Simpson, report to the prinicipal's office to discuss the results of yesterday's quiz."

Vietnam Flashbacks

  • [8F22] "They told me I'd get a big parade when I came back from Nam, but instead they spat on me."
  • [8F22] was in a tiger cage for 18 agonzing months
  • [8F24] "I haven't seen such unfeathered hurly-burly since the fall of Saigon
  • [9F13] remembers valentines day in DaNang 1969, and the tragic death of his friend Johnny
  • [9F21] prisoner 24601, wore a metal head piece for 2 years
  • [1F18] tells Bart about his "loyal" troops in vietnam
  • [2F04] he confesses "I smelled some marijana smoke in vietnam"
  • [3F10] was captured and held for 3 years by the Vietcong in 1968
  • [3G02] he got a metal plate in his butt in Vietnam
  • [4F23] enlisted in the Army in 1966, and shipped off to Vietam

Giving Bart Detention

"...trying to double your pleasure....well I'll double your detention..."
  • [8F06] "That young man just became the boy of 1000 days detention."
  • [8F15] gives Bart 600 days detention for taking teacher's editions
  • [1F19] gives Bart 4 months detention for truancy (about 80 days)
  • [2F04] gives Bart 3 months detention for Scothtober Fest entrapment (about 60 days)

  • total of 1740 days
  • or 348 weeks
  • or 87 months
  • or 7.25 years

  • Other Punishments
    • [7G13] suggests sending Bart to France as a foreign exchange student
    • [9F18] expells Bart for hitting Chalmers with a tractor
    • [1F04] sends bart to New Bedlam Hospital for disruptive behavior
    • [2F02] puts Bart back in Kindergarden
    • [2F03] tries to have Bart turned into food
    • [2F04] stages Scothtober Fest to trap Bart
    • [2F14] assigns Bart to ballet class

Skinner's love of rules and order

"All the fun of sitting still, being quiet, writing down numbers. Yes science has it all."
  • [7G05] tells the students not to doodle and get to class
  • [7F15] Skinner threatens to suspend anyone who protests by dropping their pencils
  • [7F15] smells Sodium Tetrasulfate bonding with chlorafil and realizes something is not right
  • [8F06] "make sure you return those chairs to the cafeteria Kim, I'm not kiddin' "
  • [8F17] imagines a state of the art detention hall where children are held in place by magnets
  • [9F12] has Lisa inventory a closet of Peanut Brittle
  • [9F12] "Good lord, that's a 900 number"
  • [9F13] "Welcome to a wonderful evening of theatre and picking up after yourselves."
  • [9F15] "Flatten down those cowlicks, straighten that part, uncross those eyes mister."
  • [1F04] "The only monster on this bus is a lack of proper respect for the rules." "Right or wrong, your behavior was still disruptive young man, perhaps spending the remainder of your life in a mad house will teach you some manners."
  • [1F06] "What is it with you kids and that word. I'm going to shave you bald young man, til' you learn that hair is not a right, its a privilege."
  • [1F07] "Blasted woman, you parked too close, move your car."
  • [2F02] "There is to be no wising off, no face making, and no grass eating, this means you Ralph."
  • [2F05] holds an assembly to pass out academic alert slips to the students
  • [2F11] "All the fun of sitting still, being quiet, writing down numbers, yes science has it all."
  • [3F03] "Two independent thought alarms in one day, the students are over stimulated." "Willie, remove the colored chalk from the classrooms...."
  • [3F10] issues uniforms to students in response to Bart's "Down with homework" t-shirt
  • [3F19] "God bless the man who invented permission slips"
  • [3G04] "Young man, the school dress code specifically forbids the wearing of earings unless you're of gypsy extraction"
  • [3G04] "in the event of nuclear war, fallout shelter space will be limited. Space will be reserved for Lisa, Martin, the championship kickball team, and Sherri, but not Terri"
  • [4F09] "...normally I spend my Saturdays carefully laying out my clothes for the following week..."
  • [5F05] rewards honor students with a trip to an archeological dig, and punishes detention students with a trip to an archeological dig
  • [5F11] "Order order, do you kids wanna be like the real UN, or do you just want to squabble and waste time?"
  • [5F15] selects Lisa as a television anchor and a lunchroom monitor
  • [5F22] "There's been some confusion about our bird sighting rules. You cannot count birds that you've seen at the zoo, on stamps, or in dreams."
  • [AABF07] [at the Drive-In, the attendant offers him life insurance] "Life Insurance? Would I be able to borrow against the equity?" {dp}
  • [AABF07] "You kids are always disobeying them."
  • [AABF10] "Our old friend Noah Webster defines laughter as the act or sound of laughing."
  • [AABF10] "Yes, not the pronoun, but rather a player with the unlikely name, who, is on first."
  • [AABF18] is a member of Mensa, declares new rules for Springfield "We have some new rules and regulations you're gonna go ape poopy over."
  • [CABF06] Skinner censors copies of Huck Finn? (and in turn is censored by the network, as CC does not match lip movements). {df}
  • [DABF20] "A parent who waives the right to sue says what?" - used to have Marge waive legal rights when Bart and Lisa get lost on field trip
  • [EABF20]"I think the rules are cool"
  • [EABF20] Wants Willy to turn hose on children, (and on Willie too).
  • [FABF19] Has an �only you can prevent test fraud� watermark on exams.

Dealing with his Mother

"I'm not principal of the line mother." "And you never will be."
  • [7G13] escorts his mother around the school
  • [7F15] says "a home cooked meal would be a nice change of pace" [his mother doesn't cook for him?]
  • [9F12] "I owe everything I have to my mother's watchful eye. Oh there's mother now, watching me. What's that, I have a right to be here, its school business. That sailor suit doesn't fit anymore."
  • [9F13] "so mother was right, it was my fault" (refering to the Firedrill Follies failure)
  • [1F04] has to ride the school bus because mother hid his car keys for talking to a woman on the phone
  • [1F05] takes his agression out on a dummy mother at the Brad Goodman Seminar "I'm a grown man and I can run my own life!"
  • [1F07] Edna says if he's got a problem, go tell his mama "oh don't worry, she'll hear about this."
  • [1F17] "I'm just talking to the Sugar man mother. I'm a big boy and I can do as I wish. Thanks alot Simpson, now I'm grounded."
  • [2F05] "I hardly ever let mother fight for me anymore, ha ha ha..."
  • [2F08] "I have many issues with my beloved smother (at a psychiatric clinic)
  • [2F21] fights with mother over an inflatable bath pillow
  • [4F01] "....mother insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child"
  • [4F09] his mother is watching him through a hole in the fence
  • [4F09] "Seymour! I told you not to play in the neighbor's yard!" "It's a party mother, I was invited." Agnes: "Well, then I must of been invited too!" Seymour: "Help me Edna."
  • [4F09] "I always thought I'd fall for a woman just like mother..."
  • [4F18] "I'm not principal of the line mother." "And you never will be."
  • [5F05] "C'mon kids, let's go home to our mothers."
  • [5F08] No, throw it over the pig, that's no good, are you blind? "I'm trying mother, it's hard" Your failing Seymour, what is it with you and failing?
  • [5F23] the Movementarians marry Seymour and his mother
  • [5F10] at the Moe's Bar, Seymour burns a dollar bill after krusty does in protest. Agnes: Your burning it all wrong Seymour. "It's my allowance mother and I'll burn it the way I want"
  • [5F20] Seymour has to go home, mother has a june bug cornered and he has to go finish it off
  • [5F23] is married to his mother by the Movementarians
  • [AABF06] his mother frowns at him in disapproval of Edna's syrup confession [he shudders in fear]
  • [AABF12] has to check in with his mother: "You were supposed to call me three minutes ago." "Sorry mother, I was driving through a tunnel." "I don't want you driving through tunnels, you know what that symbolizes." "It cuts 90 minutes off my drive." "No tunnels!"
  • [EABF20] Agrees to stop using mother in analogies
  • [FABF19] He takes HIS vitamins in HIS applesauce

Dealing with Superintendent Chalmers

"...I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl!"
  • [9F18] puts trouble making students in Utility basement B for his visit
  • [9F18] has children create welcome banners
  • [9F18] laughs at his jello brick joke
  • [AABF10] messes up the "Who's on first" skit with Chalmers
  • Crazy Explanations
    • Theme Song: Skinner with his crazy explanations, the Superintendent's ganna need his dedication, when he hears Skinner's lame exagerations they'll be trouble in town tonight.
    • [9F18] "Did that boy say what's a battle?" he tells Chalmers that Ralph said "What's that rattle?", refering to the heating ducts. He says he hears R's as B's, even though Chalmers is the one who heard it.
    • [9F18] "Where there's no smoke, there's no fire." "What an odd remark."
    • [2F16] Newspaper headline: Awful School is Awful Rich. He tells Chalmers that his hand is covering an unrelated article. An unrelated article? Within the banner headline?"
    • [2F32] "Seymour, why is that student lying uncontious on the floor?" he replies "well, sometimes the floor is better...[trails off]"
    • [3F18] Why is there smoke coming out of your oven? "Uh, oh, that isn't smoke, it's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having."
    • [3F18] "I thought we were having steamed clams." "Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers."
    • [3F18] "You call hamburgers steamed hams." Yes, it's a regional dialect. Uh, upstate New York.
    • [3F18] "Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use the phrase, steamed hams." "Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression."
    • [3F18] "You call them steamed despite the fact that their obviously grilled." "Uh ... you know ... one thing I sh-- ... 'scuse me for one second."
    • [3F18] "Good Lord, what is happening in there?" "Aurora Borealis"
  • Chalmers Yells "Skinner!" or "Seymour!"
    • [1F18] "Skinner! I have had it with this school Seymour. The low test scores and class after class of ugly ugly children." "You are in very big trouble."
    • [3F18] "Seymour! Why is there smoke coming out of your oven?"
    • [4F01] "Skinner! nothing, I just bought myself a car."
    • [4F01] "Skinner! now you're getting paranoid."
    • [4F06] "Skinner!" [at the Town Hall]
    • [4F09] "Skinner! The whole town's in an uproar about your sleezy schnanigans."
    • [5F17] "Skinner!" [on the roller coaster]
    • [AABF03] "Skinner!" [he wanted to be notified when the digital scoreboard arrived]
    • [AABF07] "Skinner! We're losing valuable make out time."
    • [AABF16] "Skinner! How could you put this boy on with that horrible material?"
    • [AABF16] "Skinner! Good idea."

Skinner's Lunchroom

"...there's not much meat in these gym mats..."
  • School menu items
    • [2F03] Grade F meat (mostly circus animals, some filler)
    • [2F19] gym mats
    • [7F15] tater tots
    • [2F03] Uterbraten
    • [3F03] meatloaf
    • [9F13] cow hearts
    • [3F03] hot dogs
    • [2F03] sloppy jimbos
    • [3F03] Giblet McNiblets
    • [3F03] salisbery meat balls
    • [3F03] cow legs
    • [1F18] assorted horse parts
    • malk
    • salisbery soup
    • weak coffee
    • [AABF05] Squeaky Farms Genuine Animal Milk

Keeping Busy

"Barts right, I am a weiner"
  • [7G08] hosts the Christmas pagent
  • [7F06] presents the school band concert
  • [7F15] falls instantly in love with Patty
  • [7F19] substitutes for Ms. Hoover "No children, your not seeing things, this my little friends is a schwaa...."
  • [8F06] hosts the student talent show
  • [8F21] substitutes for Otto
  • [9F02] once put on his mother's makeup by mistake
  • [9F12] slashs 40% out of the school budget (chooses science, music, and art)
  • [9F13] hosts the "Hooray for President's Day" pagent
  • [1F08] comes up with the idea for legalized gambling in Springfield
  • [1F08] presents awards to Floreda (Lisa) and Idaho (Ralph)
  • [1F11] escorts Bart's class to the Box factory
  • [1F15] agrees to pull down his pants for the entire school year for $10,000
  • [1F17] Judges the diarama-rama competion
  • [1F18] has a novel idea, Billy and the Cloneasaurus
  • [1F18] spends time deciding which detergent to use: Tide, Cheer, Bold, Biz, Fab, All, Gain, or Wisk. Eventually choses Bold
  • [1F18] goes to Luigi's and the Beach with Bart
  • [1F18] makes a pass at his superior to get out of the Army
  • [1F19] chases Bart cross country, but never catches him
  • [1F19] frequents museums and the 4-H club
  • [1F19] Seymour is on the Freddy Quimby Jury, and roommates with Homer.
  • [1F20] Seymour takes Homer's "Successful Marriage How to" class
  • [1F22] spends his summer nights sharpening pencils at school
  • [1F22] goes to the wax museum
  • [2F02] hosts "the Candidates Speak", a mayorial debate at school
  • [2F11] hosts Science week with the launching of a weather balloon
  • [2F19] escorts Bart's class to a Fort Springfield field trip
  • [3F09] buys a motorized tie rack from Marge, and later a tie rack motor
  • [3G04] is seen with the Asian mob in back of Moe's Tavern
  • [4F02] judges the science fair
  • [4F06] goes to the Burlesque house
  • [5F13] introduces Robby the Automatron
  • [5F14] tries to skip in line at the post office
  • [5F17] rides a roller coaster with Agnes, Edna, Chalmers
  • [5F18] goes to Sir Putt-a-Lott's with Edna
  • [5F19] goes to Lake Springfield with Edna
  • [5F19] goes to the celebrities' home with Edna
  • [5F22] he is Principal of the Springfield Birdwatching Society [Edna is a member of the SBS]
  • [AABF03] receives a check for the school from the state comptroller "Let's have a round of applause for the real comptroller."
  • [AABF05] goes to the Sci-Fi convention with Edna and volunteers to play Obi-wan
  • [AABF06] Edna licks maple syrup off of his stomach
  • [AABF06] goes to church wit Edna
  • [AABF07] goes to the Drive-In with Edna
  • [AABF07] eats dinner with Edna [hot dogs and milk]
  • [AABF07] at the Town Hall meeting with Edna
  • [AABF08] chaperones a field trip to the Post Office
  • [AABF10] performs with Edna in the school production of "That's Edu-tainment"
  • [AABF14] portraits the pharoah in Simpsons Bible Stories; Edna plays his secretary
  • [AABF16] announces the `Children are our future' number
  • [AABF17] attempts to have his old musket appraised, but it's destroyed by Moe
  • [AABF17] he and Edna attend the Fortune MegaStore grand opening
  • [AABF15] he and Edna shop at `Mom and Pop Hardware'
  • [AABF15] he and Edna take an Italian-like boat ride
  • [DABF19] he turns in an automatic weapon during Lisa's cash-for-guns program
  • [DABF20] featured on SCHOOL-SPAN?announcing Bart and Lisa are both together in the third grade
  • [EABF07] Worked at Springfield Country club during the summer as a waiter
  • [EABF04 ] Takes his mother on a bus tour of Springfield's female weight lifting competition with the tour bus pulled by Marge
  • [EABF20](about Lisa) "She has captured their imagination like a bright piece of construction paper"
  • [FABF04 ] (to Lisa) "That is really a cheat, isn't it?"
    LISA "That's right, principal Tanzarian"
    "Ok, I'll be moving on now"


{gk}  Gabor Kiss
{df}  David Fuchs
{dp}  Daniel Pilarski

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Last updated on June 09, 2005 by Damien Vitali (