Bart Carny                                        Written by John Swartzwelder
                                                     Directed by Mark Kirkland
==============================================================================
Production code: 5F08                     Original Airdate on FOX: 11-Jan-1998
Capsule revision A (9-Dec-2000)
==============================================================================
> TV Guide Synopsis
==============================================================================
   None submitted.

   [For the sake of reference, here is a TV Guide-like synopsis: After causing
   some major damage at a travelling carnival, Homer and Bart become carnies
   to pay off their debts, but are double crossed some co-workers.]

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard: None due to shortened intro.

Couch:      Nelson pulls the couch back and the family land on the floor.

==============================================================================
> Didja notice...
==============================================================================
   ... it took Marge until the grass was very out of hand to notice something
       was wrong?
   ... and also didn't see it when she was trying to push SLH out?
   ... there are two unrelated Nelson gags within the first couple of minutes?
   ... on Marge's list of things the kids should do in the garden is "scoop
       bad dog business," contradicting SLH not wanting to go to the bathroom
       in the garden at the beginning of the episode?
   ... it's very uncharacteristic of Lisa to go along with Barts idea of
       chopping off hands?
   ... as the ring toss game is towed away, the prizes are no longer inside?
       (apart from a few bagged soft toys)
   ... Spud's mesmerising rotating legs when he unhinges all his joints?
   ... OFF notice that their locks have been changed <before> noticing all
       their windows had been boarded up with wood?
   ... OFF's mail slot is totally sound proof?
   ... Homer sleeps in nothing but his underwear in the presumably cold
       treehouse?

Don Del Grande:
   ... despite an episode being called "Homer's Triple Bypass", Marge says
       Homer had a quadruple bypass?  (Maybe it happened at the end of 4F17?)
   ... only the expensive prizes at the Ring Toss had pegs?
   ... nobody noticed that it would have been impossible to win the basketball
       since there was no peg for it and (obviously) the hoop wouldn't fit
       over it?
   ... Homer didn't get the keys to the new locks back from the carnies?
       (Hopefully, somebody remembered to get new locks)
   ... the carnival games included Shoot Out The Star, Pop The Balloon, Knock
       Off The Fuzzy Guy, Three Strikes (the "milk bottle" game), and Wheel Of
       Chance?
   ... the "back door" has a circular hole with bars over it, but it's only on
       the "outside" side of the door?

Tony Hill:
   ... Skinner thinks Bart likes him?
   ... Skinner wants a knife?

Haynes Lee:
   ... Lisa is uncharacteristically lazy?
   ... circus carny looks like Lenny?
   ... guy nailing his nose is from Homerpalooza?
   ... bearded lady's legs are more hairy than Patty's and Selma's?
   ... barrel Lisa's Slurry on bottom of ocean?

Ondre Lombard:
  ... apparently Bart believes in Santa Claus now, unlike he did in 7G08?
      [I took it more as Bart teasing his mother, since he knows that she's
      the one that gets the Santa Claus presents --hmw]
  ... Homer walking around the carnvial with bills in his hand?
  ... Homer's pants are purple when Colonel Tex demands money from Bart?
  ... actual fecal matter is drawn?
  ... how weird (or sexier) Marge looks without her pearls?
  ... the white-haired man in the glass-bottom boat looks like Karl from 7F02?
  ... both the Cooders and Simpsons' laughter ends abruptly when they close
      the mail slot?
  ... Bart cares enough to figure out an alternate method of brushing his
      teeth?
  ... everyone else sleeps in their clothes while Homer sleeps in his briefs?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... in the establishing shot of the carnival, some of the opening music
       sounded like the clown college music from "Homey the Clown (2F12)"?

==============================================================================
> Voice credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castallaneta (Homer, Krusty the Clown, Screamatorium repair man,
        Colonel Tex)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson Muntz)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Tooth Chipper operator, Screamatorium operator, Impervo the
        Painless, Humphrey the talking camel, Chief Wiggum, bottomless boat
        ride guide)
   - Harry Shearer (Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner)

- Also starring
   - Pamela Hayden (Princess Opal the psychic)
   - Tress MacNeille (Spud, Agnes Skinner)

- Special guest voice
   - Jim Varney (Cooder)


==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + Art Carney
     - comic actor who lent his name, sort of, to this episode's title {bjr}

   + Volkswagen advertisement
     - "Farvergnugen" (spelling way off) was the enigmatic tagline for
        commercials featuring this car. {bjr} [It means "driving pleasure"
        --hmw]

   + "Natural Born Killers" (movie)
     - Bart says he and Homer are "natural born carnies," followed by "if only
       we weren't tied down to the family"

   + "Jaws" [movie]
     - great white shark attacking boat {hl}

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Shark attacks {hl}
   - [8F07] Sharks eats son in aquarium during "Underwater Fathering".
   - [9F08] Captain McAllister attacked by great white shark. (cut in
            syndication)
   - [3F03] Shark attacks gorilla.
   - [4F17] Shark eats Lisa's freed fish.

- Snake attacks {hl}
   - [9F01] Moe is a practicing snake-handler and has the snake bites to
            prove it.
   - [9F18] Snake Whacking Day.
   - [2F08] Moe repeatedly bitten by snake.
   - [2F32] Milhouse eaten by large snake.

- Carny references {hl}
   - [7F16] Grampa had an illicit affair with carny woman.
   - [1F02] Marge says "I want those geeks out of my house".
   - [3F11] Marge says to Bart "no grifting".
   - [3F21] - Homer gets a job as freak with Lollapalooza
            - State of Springfield was founded by circus freaks.
   - [3F22] - OFF goes to Coney Island like carnival.
            - played game with water balloon guns.
            - Marge threatens to get the carny.

- [MG02] Bart and Lisa take turns ordering each other to do something with the
         TV {ol}
- [7G13] The last time we saw the image of a person through the Simpsons'
         peephole {ol}
- [7F13] Homer leaving a noticeable indent on the couch {ol}
- [8F11] Homer gives lots of money to the kids
- [8F11] Bart says, "You'll never make it, Dad!" {th}
- [9F01] Snake-Handling religion discussed {hl}
- [9F09] Homer had a <triple> bypass... {bjr}
- [1F20] Homer lives in Bart's treehouse {ol}
- [2F17] Bart weeds Mrs. Glicks back yard {hl}
- [3F21] The nail freak who reacts to more minor pain {ol}
- [3F22] The family go to a carnival {ol}
- [3F22] Water gun balloon game {ms}
- [4F06] Bart damages someone's property, and therefore ends up working for
         them {ol}
- [3G01] Chief Wiggum doesn't take Homer seriously
- [4F17] Homer had <four> simultaneous heart attacks {bjr}
- [4F17] a barrel of "L'il Lisa" slurry appears
- [3G03] OFF locked out {ms}

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- Stuff at Colonel Tex's Travelling Carnival
   - Yard Work Simulator (ran by Professor Frink)
   - Knock Over the Fuzzy Guy
   - Tooth Chipper (ride)
   - Screamatorium (ghost ride)
   - Lemonade
   - Hoops
   - Ring Toss
   - Pretzels Hot
   - Knock the Fuzzy Guy Out
   - Wheel of Chance
   - Strike 3
   - Pop the Balloon
   - Shoot Out the Star
   - Hitler's Car
   - Cotton Candy
   - Impervo the Painless
   - Psychic Predictions $1
   - Fun House
   - Humphry the talking camel (with a hat!)
   - The World's Smallest Horse
   - Geek Show
   - Whack-a-Mole
   - Fried Dough


- Things in the Screamatorium
   - Ghosts stuck to the wall
   - A tree (with an owl perched on the branch) painted on the wall
   - A coffin with a spring inside
   - Cobwebs
   - A candle holder
   - Bats and a moon painted on the wall
   - A skeleton that drops from above (saying "Yee-haw!")
   - An old lady sat in a chair
   - A guy fixing some lightbulbs to a ghost's eyes
   - A haunted house painted on the wall


- Stuff to be won at Ring Toss
   - A happy little elf stuffed toy
   - A stuffed monkey toy
   - An alarm clock
   - An 8-ball
   - A lamp (looks Spanish)
   - A knife
   - An ancient TV ("The Appliance Everyone's Talking About!")
   - An old radio/cassette player
   - A camera
   - A novelty comb
   - A Care Bear
   - A basketball
   - A Rubik's cube
   - A Def Leppard poster
   - Bagged soft toys
   - A watch
   - A ring


- Sign on the television {bjr}

       THE APPLIANCE
         EVERYONE'S
       TALKING ABOUT


- Things in Springfield's waters
   - Food products
   - Two shopping trolleys (carts, if you will)
   - Some piping
   - Li'l Lisa Slurry
   - Some radio-like thing (an oscilloscope?)
   - Two tyres
   - A barrel of nuclear waste (oozing green whatnot)
   - Sister ship the "Athena"

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
= The "Tooth Chipper" car Bart, Lisa, and Homer were in had its bars lock low
  over their legs, so when they stopped suddenly, it shouldn't have hit their
  teeth.  (And how could a bar hit the teeth of two people of different
  heights sitting in the same seat?) {ddg}

= The stalls look different shot to shot, ranging from small differences, to
  the name of the stall and the colours on the sign.

c When the Colonel Tex said that Hitler's car was the first one featured with,
  the close captioning instead said it was "featured in Diznee's [sic]
  electric light parade". {hl}

* Lisa was called "blue eyes" - even if it was just something he says to all
  females, nobody's eyes have colors any more than they have five fingers on
  each hand. {ddg}

= Watching Bart steal Marge's pearls in slow motion will reveal the pearls
  weren't in his hands as he withdraws from the hug.

= Homer's waist size is obviously bigger than Cooder's, yet Cooder can keep
  Homer's pants up without the assistance of a belt. {ol}

* Saxes don't have spit valves. {th}

= There is no slot for a chain lock on the other side of the door at first.
  {ol}

* Homer couldn't sign over the deed to the house, even if he wanted to; since
  the house is mortgaged (2F14; 3F23), the First Bank of Springfield has the
  deed. {ddg}

= Homer's "ass groove" is not on the couch when we first see the couch once
  the family return. {ol}

= The boards on the windows disappear as soon as the family return. {ol}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold:  Awful, awful first act, followed by very good, very funny
   second and third acts.  What, was this episode written by John Swartzwelder
   or something?  Bingo!  While the laughs from later acts partially redeemed
   the "setup" act, they didn't entirely.  (Grade: C)

Jason Adams:  Ahhh, Schwartzwelder! If only I could be sure I spelled your
   name right, the world would be great. From beginning to end, Bart Carny
   was just flawlesly funny. Not a whole lot of depth, and Lisa failed to
   sound like the college professor we know and love, but all that is
   mitigated by the "bribe" bit, Cooter and Spud in the house alone, the
   novelty comb, and much, much, muchmuch more.  (Grade: A)

Ben Collins:  Strangely enough, this episode, even with its ridiculous premise
   and uneven plot, is the best non-Treehouse of Horror of the 5F production
   cycle. Many of the gags, especially in the first act, had me ROFL for
   hours. Even the fairly slow third act couldn't sink this massive ship. When
   John Swartzwelder's on, he's really on. (Grade: B+)

Chris Courtois:  "Bart Carny" was standard post-season 4 Swartzwelder
   uneveness, combining some good gags with a plot device recycled from "Bart
   After Dark" (Bart takes on a wacky job to compensate for some property
   damage) and what must be a record number of rake scenes within a single
   episode. The good gags bump this relatively mediocre episode up to C+.

Don Del Grande:  Well, it was better than last week... not one of
   Swartzelder's better efforts, especially since theending was pretty much
   telegraphed.  (Grade: B)

Tony Hill:  This is one of the better eps of this season, closer to the
   traditional Simpsons episodes we expect.  The humor was quite good and
   even.  The only problem is that the crux of the plot is hard to swallow
   since it means Wiggum has to solicit and extort a bribe from Homer, who's
   crossed paths with him too many times.  But, we finally got to learn the
   color of a Simpson's eyes.  (Grade: B+)

Haynes Lee:  Episode covered too much familiar ground and tried to make up for
   it by having bad taste.  (Grade: C-)

Ondre Lombard:  A dull, unentertaining effort from John Swartzwelder with much
   too much disgusting, and slow humor.  And a few things.  Isn't the plot
   device of Homer involving the family with the complicated affairs of total
   strangers getting a bit old?  Another thing is that how can Homer have such
   an early job as a carny when he works at the Power Plant?  With the
   exception of the third act, which was at least attention-grabbing, the
   whole episode was quite non-descript and hard to follow.  First it's about
   Bart and Homer working as carnies, then it's about Bart and Homer taking
   carnies to live with them, then it's about the family robbed of their
   house.  Rather than being angry with the quality of this episode, I feel
   compelled to feel sorry for the writers for once.  With a
   grabbing-for-straws plot as weak as this, it's becoming apparent that ideas
   are quite hard to come up with now.  Even the couch gag was weak.
   (Grade: C+)

Benjamin Robinson:  I'll confess I wasn't looking forward to this episode, but
   sometimes the dumbest premises lead to the best shows.  "Bart Carney" has a
   good story, a fine guest appearance by Jim Varney, and a look at Lisa's
   lazy side.  Most important, it's funny from its beginning to its smart
   ending.  Homer goes between being pretty clever to being stupider than
   necessary, but that's my biggest quibble.  Overall, "Bart Carny" is one of
   the strongest episodes (so far) this season.  (Grade: A-)

Mike Smith:  It's better than last Craptacular Songs In The Key Of
   Springfield infocommerical, but, the endings of each act needed more work,
   especially, the ending!

Yours truly:  The episode was weak. There were too many events that didn't
   lead anywhere. Some funny moments, but I'd prefer more plot developement
   than endless gags.  (Grade: C-)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> Art Carney

Mike Smith shares info on the man responsible for inspiring the episode's
   title:  Art Carney is best know as Ed Norton in the lengedary TV series,
   "The Honeymooners", but, he was Jackie Gleason's sidekick for most of
   Gleason's TV run, starting with The Dumont Network (The Fox of Early TV)
   series, "Calvacade Of Stars", from 1949 to 1952, then moved to CBS from
   1952 through 1958 (With the execption of 1955-56, when both "The
   Honeymooners" and Gleason's other produced show, "Stage Show" [Hosted by
   the Dorsey Brothers, Tommy & Jimmy], was aired), and rejoined in 1966 until
   Jackie's show finally cancelled in 1970, also on CBS. He won an Oscar for
   Best Supporing Actor in 1974 for "Harry & Tonto", and in recent years,
   appeared in such films, as "Going In Style" (Which is the last role I know
   that he appeared). His other best-known role was in the Twilight Zone
   episode, "Night Of The Meek", which was made on the then-new medium of
   videotape, but, often shown (And still do, since the oringial tape is
   still missing) on poorly-transferred kinescopes.


>> Last car in the bunker

Benjamin Robinson shares some info on Hitler's automobile, which Bart damages
   at the carnival:  In the years after World War II, Americans had a slightly
   macabre fascination with the totems of the Nazi army.  One consistently
   popular attraction was Hitler's limousine.  The authenticity of these
   displays was questionable.  The problem is that, after rising to power,
   Hitler never owned a car.  The fleet of limousines that ferried him around
   Germany was maintained by a government motor pool.  Hitler didn't own them
   any more than the American president owns the presidential limousine.

   The fact that only a few cars could positively be tied to Hitler did not
   dissuade many people from claiming to have them.  The car at the fair has
   the right "look" for a Nazi limo.  It's a Mercedes (the favored brand)
   touring convertible, painted black.  The cross on the door may or may not
   be right.  Most of the pictures I've seen feature plain doors; the Nazi
   insignia was borne on flags attached to the car.  The war eagle hood
   ornament, which would sometimes replace the standard three-pointed star,
   also seems right.  Notice that the hubcaps still have their stars.

   Incidentally, Hitler's "last" car was an early Volkswagen cabriolet.  It
   carried him to the bunker underneath Berlin, from which he thankfully never
   re-emerged.

   Even without the pedigree, a Mercedes convertible of this type and age is
   worth some considerable money (as in upward of US$50,000).  Bart did at
   least a few thousand dollars damage, yet gets off by sacrificing a day's
   wages as a carny.  Perhaps Colonel Tex isn't as sharp as he seems.


>> Don't it make your brown eyes blue

Benjamin Robinson:  Thanks to Spud Cooder, we now know that Lisa has blue
   eyes.  (Or would, if her irises weren't always drawn as little black dots.)
   Actually we did see her with blue eyes in "Lady Bouvier's Lover (1F21),"
   but since this was a figment of Homer's imagination we couldn't be sure
   that it was true.

   Blond hair, blue eyes:  Why, Lisa could be a beauty contestant or
   something.


>> Your ruse -- your cunning attempt to trick me

Don Del Grande shares a little something:  The carny's ruse to take the house
   was a variation on an Urban Legend: someone tries to start his car, then
   discovers his battery has been taken - the next day, the battery is on his
   front porch, along with two tickets to some event and a note saying the
   person who took the battery needed it for an emergency - when the person
   returns from the event, his house has been robbed. {ddg}


>> Thoughts

- Laura Canon, "If Homer had made the ring toss, I would have agreed - forced,
  false ending.  Having the family run in the house instead was great!"

- Dale G. Abersold, "This was the most virulent case of John Swartzwelder's
  Disease that I've ever seen."


>> Musical references

- We heard the real "Morning" by Grieg instead of the faux "Morning" music
  which we heard frequently during the fifth season. {th}


>> Miscellaneous

- MPAA rating: TV-PG {ddg}

- Haynes Lee's alterna-title for this episode is "Homer the Geek".

- They didn't have this the first time this episode aired, but they added a
  dedication on after Mr. Phil Hartman's death.  This rerun with the
  dedication to Phil Hartman aired on May, 31st '98. {pcp}

==============================================================================
> Quotes and scene summary [transcribed by Patrick Potchana]
==============================================================================
% Marge is frustrated with SLH because he refuses to go outside to do his 
% business; she tries shoving SLH out the door, but he remains still in 
% place.  Homer is in the kitchen, eating and watching her.

Homer: The experts say that if you want an animal to do something, you 
       should do it yourself first to show him how.
Marge: [angrily] I'm not going to the bathroom in the backyard!
Homer: Sorry, your majesty.
-- Queen of Dog Business, "Bart Carny"

% Marge walks outside to the backyard and clearly sees that the yard has 
% grass up to her knees.  "Yuck!" she says, and complains that the kids
% should have kept the yard clean.  Marge walks along the yard picking up 
% things the kids left all over.  When she comes upon a snake, Marge shrieks 
% and reacts quickly by throwing it into the Flanders' yard.  At this, we 
% hear Ned scream.

Marge: Ned, I'm so sorry.
  Ned: Oh, no problem, Marge. [The snake hisses as Ned moans, 'Oh!']
-- The inflammation of snake bites, "Bart Carny"

% Back inside the living room, Bart and Lisa lie upside down lazily on their 
% couches.  Bart asks Lisa to turn on the TV, but Lisa refuses to because she 
% turned it on yesterday.  Marge walks up to the living room.
% The kids make "ding ding" noises, wanting their allowence.
% The noises the kids make are loud enough to make Homer run out of the 
% kitchen thinking those 'ding!' noises are bells of an ice cream truck. 

Marge: That backyard is a disgrace. Now get busy.
 Lisa:  That's a good suggestion, mom.
 Bart:  We'll take it under advisement.
-- To see, to view, to take under advisement, "Bart Carny"

% Moments later, Bart and Lisa are dressed in their yard-working clothes.
% They soon get to work. But shortly after, they're both back inside lazing
% about.

Marge: [proceeding to yard] Kids, I made some lemonade for you.
 Bart: [from living room couch, off-screen] Sounds great.
 Lisa: Bring it in here.
Marge: [realizes they're inside] What the...? What are you doing in 
       here?
 Bart: Work was hard, so we quit.
Marge: What?!
 Lisa: Hard work made us quit.
Marge: I see. Well, then, no chores, no allowance.
 Lisa: Okay. We get our room and board free anyways.
 Bart: And Santy Claus provides the rest. [Marge grumbles]
-- Love thy Santy Claus, "Bart Carny"  

% Bart and Lisa hear carnival music playing outside. They rush to the window 
% to see a line of carnival trucks pass by their house. Bart exclaims that 
% they need fast money. Bart and Lisa turn to face Marge with sad eyes.

Marge: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody's going to have to do some...
Homer: [rushes in yelling] It's carnival time.  Here's money kids!  Take 
       what you need!
-- "Bart Carny"

% At Colonel Tex's Traveling Carnival, the family all want to see and do 
% different things.  They all pull on Marge, who holds Maggie.

Homer: Ooh, ooh, I want to see Lobster Boy and Shrimp Girl!
 Lisa: I want some fried sugar!
 Bart: I want to go to the Yard Work Simulator.
Marge: But when I ask you to do yard work... [Marge sighs heavily]
-- "Bart Carny"

% The family walk up to a ride known as the 'Tooth Chipper'. It does
% exactly what it says.

Homer: Ooh, ooh!  Me first.
Marge: You can't go on that.  You have a heart condition.
Homer: Heart condition?  Get out of here.
Marge: You had a quadruple bypass.  You nearly died.  Don't you remember?
Homer: Obviously, I don't.  Now if you get out of my way.
-- "Bart Carny"

He's not just some guy, Marge.  He's a Carny and part of a noble tradition.
Carnies built this country-the carnival part of it anyway -- and though
they may be rat-like in appearance, they are truly kings among men.
-- Homer on carnies, "Bart Carny"
         
% Later, Bart and Lisa walk off to the ride, 'Screamatorium'.
% Bart and Lisa check out the ride, which turns out to be just as pathetic
% as it's title. They exit dissatisfied.

[angrily] Why does this always happen when I stand here?  What is it about
this exact spot? [He gets squirted again] It's happening again.
-- Krusty stood next to a clown-squirting game, "Bart Carny"

% Some carnys look for "pigeons." Daddy carny notices Homer. They trick him
% into playing a ring-toss game, and he loses.

Cooder: Oh, listen, pal.  I got a son of my own.  Here. [Cooder hands
        Homer a large-sized comb]
 Homer: [sniffles] A novelty comb.  Kings among men.
-- "Bart Carny"

% Homer and Bart listen to Colonel Tex's attraction of Hitler's Limousine.
% Colonel Tex entertains the crowd by stating that it was the first 
% automobile to come with Farficnoogen.

There are some who say Hitler's skeleton is in the trunk.  Others say just
his spare tire.  I'm a busy man, so I haven't checked yet.
-- Colonel Tex, "Bart Carny"

% Bart boards Hitler's limo, and ends up wrecking it.

Out of my way, I'm Hitler!
-- Bart riding Hitler's limo, "Bart Carny"

% Bart soon loses control and wrecks the vehicle.

You wrecked Hitler's car. What did he ever do to you? [Punches Bart in the
stomach]
-- Nelson missing too many history lessons, "Bart Carny"

[End of Act One.]

% Colonel Tex demands Bart covers the damage he caused to Hitler's car.

Hey, come on.  He doesn't have any money.  Look at his clothes.
-- Homer, on Bart, "Bart Carny"

  Tex: I don't know. You going to get drunk and start a lot of 
       trouble?
Homer: Sure.  Anything you want.
  Tex: All right.  See you tomorrow, 6:00 a.m. And you're gonna work
       like you've never work before! [walks away]
-- Homer trying to get a job as a carny, "Bart Carny"

% The next morning, the carnival slowly comes to life, as the carnies set
% up their attractions.

Cooder: Son, if you don't finish your cotton candy, you won't get 
        your snow cone.
  Spud: Aw, heck!
-- Breakfast of Carnies, "Bart Carny"

% Homer and Bart approach Cooder and Spud.

Cooder: Hey, you lost your money fair and square!  I didn't scam nobody!
 Homer: [laughing] Put down your stick.  We're here to work.
  Bart: Starting today, we're Carnies, just like you.
Cooder: Well, in that case, let me show you how I scammed you.
-- "Bart Carny"

% After chatting a while, Colonel Tex appears and sets them off to work.
% The boys get boring jobs, not what they expected to come with being a
% carny, such as scooping up horse manure.

  Tex: All right.  Now, this geek bit is pretty straight forward.  
       You just bite the heads off the chickens and take a bow. [He hands 
       Bart and Homer chickens] Go on.  Give it a try.  Big smiles.
Homer: [through clenched teeth] Uh, Bart?
 Bart: [also through clenched teeth] Yeah, dad?
Homer: Do I like chicken?
 Bart: Does it matter?
Homer: I guess not.
-- Rehearsing the Geek Show, "Bart Carny"

% Cooder and Spud have to leave for their AA meeting, so Homer and Bart
% are let off their geek show parts and cover the ring toss game.
% Cooder and Spud explain that the rings don't ever fit on the good
% prizes, and that they have to do anything to attract customers.

  Bart: Like rube?
  Spud: Now you're on the trolley!

% Later that night, Homer and Bart are on the look out for 'pigeons' to
% scam. Homer spots someone -- a sleazily dressed guy, smoking and
% shuffling cards -- definitely not a pigeon.

Hey, high pockets?  Win something for your girlfriend?
-- Bart, attracting Principal Skinner and Agnes to the ring toss game,
   "Bart Carny"

Skinner: All right, Simpson. Be honest with me. Is it actually 
         possible to win this game?
   Bart: If I like it, it is.
Skinner: Hot dog! Let's go.
-- Pigeon, "Bart Carny"

% He pays Bart and Bart hands him the rings.  Skinner throws many misses.

You're failing, Seymour. What is it about you and failure?
-- Agnes Skinner to her son, Principal Skinner, "Bart Carny"

% Skinner has two rings left.  He thinks then decides to go for the bowie 
% knife next to the lamp.  He misses.
% Some time later, Homer places the money in the box.

 Bart: We're natural-born Carnies, dad. If only we weren't tied down 
       with a family.
Homer: Yeah. We should start our own game, where people throw ducks 
       at balloons and nothing's the way it seems.
-- An upcoming episode? "Bart Carny"

% Chief Wiggum arrives at the ring toss game.

Wiggum: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys. But, I got a few 
        complaints that your game is crooked.
 Homer: And how?
Wiggum: Gee, I hate to close you down.  Maybe we can reach a little 
        uh, understanding here.
 Homer: [monotone] I understand.
  Bart: Um, hey dad, I.. I.. think he wants..
 Homer: Not now, son. Daddy's talking to a policeman. 
Wiggum: Let me put it this way.  I'm looking for my friend, <Bill>. 
        Have you seen any <Bills> around here?
 Homer: No, he's Bart.
Wiggum: [frustrated] Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, 
        okay?
 Homer: Okay.
Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for [wink] is Mr. <Bribe>. [wink, 
        wink]
 Homer: [clueless] It's a Ring Toss game.
Wiggum: Alright, I'm shutting this game down.
-- The factious truth of Bribes, "Bart Carny"

% A tow truck hauls the game away, just as Cooder and Spud get back from
% their AA meeting. How conveinient. They've lost everything because of
% Homer.

Look at them, Bart.  If a Carny can wind up homeless, it can happen to
anyone.
-- Homer, "Bart Carny"

% Feeling obligated to stick to the carny code, Homer invites the carnies
% to stay at the Simpsons residence.

 Lisa: Why did you shudder just now, mom?
Marge: [confused] I don't know.
-- Marge, not knowing about the carnies, "Bart Carny"

[End of Act II.]

% By the looks of things, the carnies have settled in nicely.

Cooder: You certainly have a nice house here, ma'am.
  Spud: It must have taken you years to win all this stuff.
-- The carny way, "Bart Carny"

Let me get you a coaster for those feet.
-- Marge, to the carnies, "Bart Carny"

% Marge takes Homer aside, while Spud tries to impress Lisa by unhinging
% all his bodily joints at once.

 Marge: How long are those roustabouts going to be staying here?
 Homer: Oh, it won't be long. Once their resume` gets out, they'll have
        all kinds of offers. The older one can pull out his left eye.
        [An eye rolls into the kitchen scaring Marge.]
Cooder: [off-screen] Little help?
-- "Bart Carny"

% Later that night, the carnies entertain the family.

 Marge: So, Mr. Cooder, how long have you've been in the traveling 
        amusement industry?
Cooder: Oh, hell, the Cooders' have been Carnies ever since we came 
        here in 1620 clinging to the side of the Mayflower.
-- Carny history, "Bart Carny"

% The carnies' ways are rubbing off on the family, as Bart steals his
% mother's pearls as a joke.

Cooder: Uh, you folks ever been on a glass bottom boat ride? 'Cause we
        just happen to have some tickets.
 Marge: Ooh, what a nice surprise. This is so generous of you, Cooder.
 Homer: Now who's the filthy sleeze-bag, eh, Marge?
 Marge: [nervous laugh]
-- "Bart Carny"

% OFF use the tickets, and enjoy the ride.

Homer: Hey, come on, sharky!
 Bart: Yeah. You want a piece of this?
Homer: You call yourself the king of the jungle.
-- Homer vs. Lion.. uh, shark, "Bart Carny"

% Later, on the drive home.

I was wrong about the Cooders', dad.  They're the nicest of all the
transients you've ever brought home.
-- Lisa, "Bart Carny"

% When the Simpsons get back to their home, something's wrong. Something
% is very wrong. The key won't turn, the windows are boarded up, and the
% mailbox now reads "The Cooders" beneath a crossed out "The Simpsons".
% Homer demands an explanation from Cooder, who peers out the front door
% mail slot.

Tell us where the extra sheets are and get off our property.
-- Cooder squatting in the Simpsons' home, "Bart Carny"

% Homer decides to get the law involved, and speaks to Chief Wiggum.

Wiggum: Well, well, look who's here -- Mr. No Bribe. Sure we'll help
        you.  Just sit down and wait for detective Like-I-Give-A-Damn!
 Homer: Thank you so much. [Homer sits down]
  Lisa: Dad..
 Homer: Honey, daddy's waiting for the detective.
-- "Bart Carny"

% Without a home to sleep in, the family make use of Bart's treehouse.

I found some food for breakfast. I hope everyone likes the red things
that grow on this tree.
-- Leave it to Marge to fetch breakfast, "Bart Carny"

Lisa: Bart, you're brushing your teeth with my twig.
Bart: So? I let you use my leaves.
-- Getting used to living in a treehouse, "Bart Carny"

% Inside, the Cooders are having the time of their lives, having never
% experienced such luxury.

Cooder: Hey, look at me -- I'm a millionaire!
  Spud: Wow, dad! You look like James Bond!
-- Cooder wears Homer's pants, "Bart Carny"

% They decide to feed more fuel to the fire.

Which one? 'Precious Moments' or 'Treasured Memories'?
-- Spud ponders on which photo album to throw on the fire, "Bart Carny"

% The next morning, Homer gets dressed, and while trying to get into
% his awkward pants, falls right out the treehouse.

Stupid gravity!
-- Homer falls out the treehouse, "Bart Carny"

Marge: We can't just give up on our house.  There's got to be a way 
       to get these guys out of there.
 Bart: I say we set fire to the house -- kill them that way.
Marge: We don't want to kill them, Bart. We just want our home back.
 Lisa: [thinks it over] Well...if we did set fire to the house..
Marge: No fires!
Homer: [excited] I've got it!
Marge: No fires!
Homer: Aw..
Marge: There must be a way to outsmart them.
Homer: [discouraged] Uh, you can't outsmart carnival folk.  They're
       the cleverest folks in the world.  Just look at the way they sucker
       regular folk with those crooked games. [Gasps] That's it! Fire!
       [Marge looks angry] Or..
-- F.. "Bart Carny"

% Later, OFF appear at the doorstep. Homer is carrying a hula hoop.

Cooder: [off-screen, inside house] Cooder Residence.
 Homer: I've got a proposition for you, Cooder.
Cooder: Yeah, I'm listening.
 Homer: [through the peep-hole Cooder is looking through] One game of
        Ring Toss.  If I can throw this hula hoop onto the chimney,
        you'll give us our house back.  If I miss, I'll sign the deed
        over to you.
 Marge: Homer, no!
  Bart: Aw, you'll never make it, dad!
-- Homer tries to win back his home, "Bart Carny"

% Cooder agrees and steps into the lawn to watch, leaving the front door
% ajar. Homer aims and mentally practices the throw, and the whole family
% dash into the house through the open front door, slamming it behind
% them and giving the Cooders a taste of their own medicine.

  Spud: Hey, they just ran into the house. That Homer fella gritted
        you good, dad.
Cooder: Well, there's no shame in being beaten by the best.
  Spud: But, he didn't seem..
Cooder: [angrily] We were beaten by the best, boy.
-- Homer saves the day, "Bart Carny"

% Inside their home, the Simpsons get reacquainted with their luxuries.
% They clean up the mess left by the Cooders.

Way to go, dad. You actually outwitted someone.
-- Is that a compliment? Bart, "Bart Carny"

Yeah. Look at them standing out there -- no place to go. [Homer laughs]
Poor guys.  Hey what if we let them stay here for just a few days?'
-- Homer watching the carnies who cheated OFF out of their home,
   "Bart Carny"

% Homer returns to his ass groove on the couch and starts re-shaping it
% to the way it was prior to the carnies' invasion.

[End of Act III.]

  Song That Plays:
  "Huh. Aw, suki, suki, now".
  "Hey!" "Ow! Huh! Come on baby."
  "Hey!" "Groove me, baby."
  "I need you to groove me."
  "Aw, yeah, now, now, darlin'."
  "Make me feel good inside."
  "Come on, now."
  "Groove me, baby."
  "Move me, baby."
  "Aw, sock it to me, mama."

  Homer Grunting:
  [Grunts] Huh, c'mon just a little more...little more
  to the left maybe...[Grunts] to the left. [Grunts]
  What did he do to this thing? [Grunts] Almost
  [Grunts and sighs long and hard with relief]

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{ms}  Mike Smith
{ol}  Ondre Lombard
{pcp} Patrick Potchana
{th}  Tony Hill

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
[5F08] capsule copyright 2000, Hari Michael Wierny. (The quotes remain the
property of Fox, and the reproduced articles remain the property of their
respective authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.) Not to be
redistributed in public forum without permission. Quotes and Scene Summary
transcribed by Patrick Potchana and Michael Jacobs.

Thanks to Benjamin Robinson and Frederic Briere for providing me with the
a.t.s. archives necessary for completing the capsule.