Lisa the Skeptic                                     Written by David S. Cohen
                                                      Directed by Neil Affleck
==============================================================================
Production code: 5F05                     Original Airdate on FOX: 23-Nov-1997
Capsule revision B (31-May-2000)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis
==============================================================================
   None submitted.

   [If you use these summarise to determine if you have found the right
   capsule, here's a TV Guide-like synopsis: On a school field trip, Lisa
   discovers what looks like the skeleton of an angel. The townsfolk are
   overcome with excitement, but Lisa stands by her beliefs in that the angel
   isn't real.]

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard:     I WILL NOT TEASE FATTY
                I WILL NOT TEAS/ at cutoff

Couch:          Three men in towels are on the couch, which is part of a
                sauna. One of them pours water onto the coal.

==============================================================================
> Didja Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... as the family drive to the police station, Homer wears a sailor hat?
   ... Homer's left arm is his boating arm?
   ... Homer no longer has his sailor hat as OFF drive home?
   ... Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney seem to be the only detention students wearing
       those prison-like outfits? (not even Nelson?)
   ... Lisa wears a green hat at the field trip?
   ... Martin isn't wearing underpants?
   ... the angel's arms are resting on it's ribcage, so Lisa's neanderthol/
       angry fish story couldn't possibly be correct?
   ... Moe is dressed smartly at court?
   ... the engraving on the angel is in red?
   ... Mr. Teeny's cigar drops out of his mouth?

Nathan Mulac DeHoff:
   ... the Springfield Museum of Natural History is still open, even after
       being burned down and nearly closed from lack of interest?
   ... Apu is still married? (Well, it's only been one episode --hmw)
   ... they never explain how the mall people steal the "angel"?

Daniel L. Dreibelbis:
   ... also seen at the end in the crowd scene around the angel - Disco Stu?

Jeremy Gallen:
   ... that the song Homer put on in the garage, in which he was singing,
       "See the angel!" was to the tune of "Halleluia"?
   ... all the Christmas lights around the angel statue?

Billy Goode:
   ... Pope is in a lawn chair?
   ... three buildings destroyed are the Museum of Natural History,
       Springfield Robotics Lab, and the Christian Science Reading Room?
   ... Homer puts a fig leaf over the "private area" of the angel?
   ... Marge remembers Agnes' name?
   ... the clock reads 10:05 when we go inside the courthouse?
   ... Springfield's seal has the year 1932 on it?
   ... Hibbert is hugging a yellow woman at "Judgement Second?"
   ... Cletus has a tattoo of a snake on his right arm?
   ... Moe decides to get rid of the rats in the bar?

Don Del Grande:
   ...Homer's parking tickets averaged less than $1 each?
   ... apparently, Richard, Lewis, Wendell, and Ralph are either honor
       students or detention students?
   ... Bart and Milhouse are detention students, yet neither had to wear
       the orange "DETENTION" uniforms?
   ... Reverend Lovejoy hired Roger Meyers' lawyer?
   ... the Pope reads "La Stampa" instead of "L'Osservatore Romano"?
   ... when the angel stops over the mall entrance, presumably as the
       mall's permanent logo, it still says "THE END WILL COME AT
       SUNDOWN"?
   ... instead of her nightgown, Lisa is wearing pajamas and she's not
       wearing her slippers (probably because she needed something with a
       pocket, and her slippers would have made too much noise)?

Joe Klemm:
   ... Maggie's towel resembles her baggy in the couch gag?
   ... Homer pays $.74 per car ticket?
   ... the twins (Sherri and Terri --hmw) are honor students?

Haynes Lee:
   ... neanderthal man looks like Homer? (well, d'uh!)
   ... angel skeleton has a fig like the biblical Adam and secular fuzzy
       dice above its head?
   ... when Rev. Lovejoy raised his arms, he silhouetted the angel?

Ondre Lombard:
   ... Lisa is wearing different pajamas?
   ... Lisa's never been on Smartline until now?
   ... everyone in town seems to believe the skeleton belongs to an angel
       _except_ Lisa?
   ... how interesting it is that they did a story about angels and The
       Simpsons is up against CBS' "Touched By an Angel?"

John Ogan:
   ... Homer tells Lisa to "shut up" in the car?
   ... the dice above the Angel face us reading "five" and "three", adding
       up to the lucky number of seven?
   ... Lisa doesn't bother to put her milk away, leaving it for Marge?
   ... Lisa has been on Kent Brockman's show twelve times in the past?
   ... the angry mob was destroying a Christian Science Reading Room, the
       purpose of said establishment's existence I know very little of as
       well?
   ... Bart keeps his crowbar in the living room alongside the umbrellas?
   ... after all these years, this is the first time Lisa has gotten
       arrested for standing up for her beliefs?
   ... the people behind the construction of the mall would let their little 
       publicity stunt go so far as to allow an 8-year-old to get tried in
       court?
   ... the similarities existing between Lisa's trial and the famous Scopes 
       trial of the 1920's, in both of which an individual was being tried
       for a misdemeanor, but everyone knew what the larger issue was?
   ... the writers didn't forget about 5F04 (The Two Mrs.
       Nahasapeemapetilons) or 4F09 (Grade School Confidential)?
   ... Homer calls his own daughter a "child of Satan" before "God"?  (I'll
       bet he had some explaining to do later...well, maybe not)

Jeremy Reaban:
   ... Maggie should really be riding in the back seat - the airbags could
       squish her?
   ... Allison Taylor is one of the honor students?
   ... Milhouse is one of the detention students? (what is Ralph?)

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... a parking ticket in Springfield costs about $1.34?
   ... Matt Groening can draw a portrait of Bart in 22.9 seconds?  (See if you
       can beat that at home!)

Jonkeria (jonkeria@aol.com):
   ... that the animal drawn in chalk on the board behind Dr. Gould was
       _Branchiocaris pretiosa_, a bivalved arthropod of uncertain affinities
       from the Cambrian Burgess Shale of British Columbia?
       (for a little more on the subject, see Comments and Other Observations)

Mike (thisthat@mindspring.com):
   ... Bart knows about cells at Springfield Pennetentary (most likely from
       his arrest in "Bart Star")?

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Sid, Sideshow Mel, Mayor Quimby)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Kearney, Ralph Wiggum)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Chief Wiggum, Lou, Snake, Sid's partner, Moe, Carl, robot,
        Pope's messenger, Pope)
   - Harry Shearer (Eddie, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Ned Flanders, Mr.
        Burns, Smithers, Lenny, Rev. Lovejoy, Kent Brockman, Judge Snyder)

- Special guest voice
   - Dr. Stephen Jay Gould (himself)
   - Phil Hartman (Lionel Hutz)

- Also starring
   - Tress MacNeille (Jimbo, Dolph, Agnes Skinner)
   - Maggie Roswell (Miss Hoover)
   - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse)
   - Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + "Giligans Island"
      - Homer bears a strong resemblance to the Skipper from Giligan's island
        while wearing the nautical hat {jr}

   + Sweepstakes sting
      - real-life police departments have used variations on the fake boat
        giveaway have to nab everyone from parking scofflaws to deadbeat
        parents and drug dealers {bjr}

   + "America's Dumbest Criminals" (TV show)
      - Springfield's Dumbest Criminals {jk}

   + "Falling Down" (movie)
      - Hutz has only a sandwich and apple in his briefcase like Michael
        Douglas in the movie {dp}

   + "Waterworld" (movie)
      - Burns mention of snpp mutants having webbed feet refers to Kevin
        Costner's "Waterworld" {hl}


   + "Men in Black" (movie)
      - Burns' amnesia ray {ag}

   + "Gargoyles" (movie)
      - the angel skeleton looks like gargoyle skeletons from the movie
        "Gargoyles" {hl}

   + the Cardiff giant (hoax)
      - premise of this episode similar to this hoax (See "Personal Comments
        & Observations") {bjr}

   + the Scopes Monkey Trial
      - The science vs. religion trial might have been intended as a parody of
        the Scopes Monkey Trial {nmd} (see Comments and other observations for
        more details. --hmw)

   + Handel's "Halleluia Chorus" (composition)
      - Homer's promotional song for the angel {jk}

   + American Museum Of Natural History (museum)
      - a lifelike blue whale exactly like the one in the Springfield Museum
        hangs in the American Museum of Natural History {j1}

   + "The Garden of Earthly Delights" (painting)
      - Krabappel's proposal to Skinner references the title of this painting
        of Hieronymous (sp) Bosch (By the way, this is a picture of Hell,
        which lends a new meaning to Edna's come-on) {bjr}

   + WallyMart
      - Mega Mall is similar to WallyMart {hl}

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Field trips
   - [7G03] Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
   - [7F06] Springfield Gorge
   - [8F03] Ah-Fudge (the chocolate factory)
   - [1F11] The box factory
   - [2F19] Diz-Nee Historical Park
   - [3F21] unscheduled field trip to the wrecking yard
   - [4F17] Skinner and the kids try to fund a field trip to Albany
   - [4F21] the Police Station
   - [5F05] Archeological dig

- [7F22] Homer tells Marge that she is living in a world of make-believe with
         "flowers and bells and leprechauns and magic frogs with funny little
         hats" {hl}
- [8F03] A Simpson child gets arrested and goes to trial {ol}
- [8F19] Col. Homer gets his cowboy hat {bjr}
- [8F21] Homer has a Billy Beer {mr}
- [9F07] Homer gets his Mr. Plow jacket {bjr}
- [9F21] Homer's "Baby on Board" Grammy appears {bjr}
- [1F01], [3G01] big crowd outside the Simpsons home
- [1F13] NASA is missing Homer's space helmet {bjr}
- [1F15] kids offer Homer money to see his elephant {hl}
- [1F17] Bag of "Farmer Homer's" sugar shows up {bjr}
- [2F01] Homer keeps robot Itchy and Scratchy heads as souvenir {bjr}
- [2F11] The whole town gathers awaiting the beginning of the end {ol}
- [2F11] Townspeople attack observatory blaming it for comet {hl}
- [2F16] In town hall in 2F16 Flanders says "I'd like to hear from Sideshow
         Mel!" Now in 5F05, sideshow mel passes it on by saying "I'd like to
         hear from Lionel Hutz!" {i1}
- [2F21] Blackboard gag "I will not tease Fatty" reminded me of "I will not
         mock Mrs. Dumbface," in the sense of Bart shooting at an easy target
- [2F33] Skinner burned at the stake for saying the earth is round {hl}
- [3F03] Homer says "that's a typo" in the same way he did in 3F03 about
         making a typo on his barbeque invitation {mu}
- [3F05] Skeleton of abre-tooth Scartchy seen underground {hl}
- [3F08] Loose scorpion {hl}
- [3F08] Up, Up and Away played {hl}
- [3F10] Skinner sits in his office facing the window-blinds, sunlight pouring
         through the seams
- [3F13] Flanders' town crier accessories appear {bjr}
- [3F15] Dr. Gould making comments about how outstanding whatever he was
         studying was, and then it turning out to be his own work and not the
         piece of the angel Lisa took reminded me strongly of the scene in
         3F15 where Troy McClure says, "[laughing] That's too funny! I can't
         remember when I've heard a funnier anecdote. [laughing] All right,
         now you tell one"
- [3F23] Tom Landry's hat appears {bjr}
- [4F01] Jimmy the Scumbag seen in police station
- [4F03] Looks like Homer hung on to his boxing gloves {bjr}
- [4F18] "Mr. Sparkle" box appears {bjr}
- [3G01] Lisa seen reading Junior Sceptic {hl}
- [3G03] Bart entertains the idea of taking up smoking {ol}
- [4F22] Homer gets called "jackass"
- [5F02] The robot that fled the burning lab was Floyd from THOH VIII

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- Sign outside police station

      BOAT GIVEAWAY TODAY!

- Winning ticket

  YOU HAVE WON A
   F   R   E   E
    MOTORBOAT!!

- Sign in police station

        B O A T
        R O O M

- People at the digging site
   - The kids
   - Principal Skinner
   - Lionel Hutz
   - Mr. Burns
   - Smithers
   - Eddie
   - Lou
   - Sideshow Mel
   - Ned Flanders
   - Maude Flanders
   - Mrs. Krabappel
   - Kirk Van Houten
   - Groundskeeper Willie
   - Agnes Skinner
   - Moe
   - Ruth Powers
   - Carl
   - Lenny
   - Dr. Hibbert
   - Miss Hoover
   - Mrs. Glick
   - Apu
   - Manjula
   - Comic Book Guy
   - Barney

- Homers safe deposit closet {bjr}

   - First row
     - Green bag that I can't identify (possibly a bowling bag), Tom Landry's
       hat, trophy cup

   - Second row
     - Flanders' hat and bell (why does he keep loaning stuff to Homer?),
       six-pack of Billy Beer

   - Third row
     - Mr. Plow jacket (hanging on left closet wall), boxing gloves, a Grammy
       award, big bag o' sugar

   - Fourth row
     - Cowboy hat, "Mr. Sparkle" box

   - Fifth row
     - Space helmet, robot Itchy head, robot Scratchy head

- At the museum {bjr}

       NOW
      HIRING
     STUFFERS

- Homer's box of glow-sticks

      ANGEL GLOW STICKS

- Motto at courthouse (bg)

"Liberty and Justice for most"

- The Pope reads "LA STAMPA"

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
= The doors on OFF's car open the wrong way when Homer gets out to claim his
  boat? {m1}

= As OFF approach the construction site of the new mall, the yellow light on
  the traffic lights flashes red. Faulty lightbulb? Hardly.

= In the very first scene, Skinner's water bottle is on his right side, but
  after the scene zoomed out, the water bottle is flipped to his LEFT side.
  {sjc}

= After she uncovered the angel skeleton, Lisa backed up and snapped one of
  the grid ropes.  The snapped rope isn't shown after that. {bjr}

= From one of the overhead shots at the archeological dig, Moe has blue hair.

* The "fish" that bite the neanderthal's arms in Lisa's explanation of the
  "angel's" wings are the real "finned mutants." They are for the most part
  (head, body, dorsal fin, etc.) ichthyosaurs, sea reptiles that became
  extinct even before the dinosaurs and thus could not have possibly
  coexisted with a neanderthal. However, they have the fins of a fish, not
  the whale-like flippers the real ichthyosaurs had. {j1}

* There are no Neanderthal fossils in N.America.  There shouldn't be, anyway,
  as it doesn't fit any migration theories. {jr}

* Homer couldn't possibly have gotten the angel onto his car that quickly
  and have enough time to chain it, on top of that.

* Nobody noticed Homer taking the angel to his car.

= When Homer is dragging the angel along the carpet, it doesn't make any
  marks, despite it's apparent heaviness.

* They feed fish to the blue whale, which only eat plankton. {c1}

= It is outlandish that the blue whale "chews", an action physically
  impossible for the animal. {j1}

* The whale would die nearly instantly from being held to ropes by being
  crushed by its own massive bulk (but that would destroy the joke). {j1}

* What was Lisa trying to prove with a DNA test on a toe bone?  What
  would have stopped Reverend Lovejoy from saying "angels have DNA too"?
  (A test on a "wing" bone might have proven something, unless the wings
  were made from human bones as well - in which case the DNA from the
  wings and the toe should match.) {ddg}

* This is getting a little nit picky, but you couldn't extract any DNA from a
  fossilized bone anyway.  It's tough enough to get usable DNA from bones that
  have been laying out for a couple years much less bones that have been
  fossilized in rock. {ad}

  (Michael K. Neylon: "Unless it was not fossilized, but mummified.  I belive
  that's the case with some mammoth remains that have been discovered in
  Siberia.")

= When Dr. Gould says, "inconclusive," in the background Apu is white (well,
  yellow).

@ The sound from the church television stops without anybody stopping it.

= The television in church has rabbit ears but is voice activated. {bg}

= Homer's "ANGEL <---" sign turns into "ANGEL --->" later on.

= The symbol behind Judge Snyder has text on it that moves/disappears from
  shot to shot.

= That the words "the end comes at sundown" are only shown when the fossilized
  "angel" are on the mountain?  The words were never seen in Homer's garage.
  {ji4} (Assuming the mall owners didn't engrave the message *after* they
  "kidnapped" the angel from the Simpsons garage. --hmw)

= You mean to say <no one> noticed the big set of tracks leading from the
  angel to the mall.  (On the other hand, it might be because no one bothered
  to draw them.) {bjr} [Don Del Grande adds, "If the angel was on a track, the
  track should have been visible from the hill; otherwise, there's no way it
  could remain suspended in mid-air." --hmw]

* Nitpicking, but the timing during the countdown is seriously off.

= The wire or whatever that was attached to the angel statue when it rose was
  not visible until later in the scene. {jg}

= Why would Apu and his wife be at the apocalypse? Aren't they Hindu? {dsb}

* Mr. Burns seemed quite unreligious in 4F17.  Why would he be among the
  people expecting armegeddon? {ol}

* Wouldn't it have taken more than a few days to finish building the entire
  Heavenly Hills Mall?

* It didn't say anything in the announcement about 20% off on everything.
  {dsb}

= Where is Maggie when Lisa and Marge are talking at the end of the episode?

= Lisa thanked Marge for "squeezing back" when she squeezed her mom's hand.
  What was Marge squeezing with?  Both of her hands were occupied holding
  Maggie. {bjr}

= At the end of today's episode, when Matt Groening draws Bart, it looks like
  he was a righty. {cc}

  (Brian Peterson jokes: "Maybe he was using his right hand because of the
  fact he had to draw Bart and sign his name *backwards* for the camera?  <g>
  Who knows!")

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Solon Boomer-Jenks:  This episode was definately not one of the best ever.
   While it had a potentially funny plot, we saw more of 8-year-old Lisa
   acting like an 18-year-old activist, than anything funny.  Like in Bart
   Star [5F03], we see Lisa doing unneccessary things just so she can be an
   activist.  I would have thought that after all the bones had been moved to
   the museum, Lisa would have been satisfied.  Instead, she brings in a
   lawyer, and is portrayed as someone who watches people for mistakes, and
   takes advantage of them.  I think this is out of character.  Most of this
   episode focused on Lisa, with few lines from any other characters,
   especially Bart, who seems to be fading away more and more.  I didn't like
   the references to Skinner and Krabaple's relationship, or Apu and his wife.
   These would not be understood by someone who has not seen the particular
   episodes in which these events took place.  More and more, The Simpsons is
   becoming less of a show one can watch without having seen every single
   episode. (C-)

Ben Collins:  David S. Cohen has done another decent, if not great, job.
   Homer's doing the jackass thing (as has been done to death this season),
   but Lisa was well characterized: vigilant about her own viewpoints yet
   respectful of others. Plus, we got to see many well-placed jabs at the
   continuing battle between religion and science. But this episode wasn't
   nearly as well-written, well-constructed or funny as the classics. (C+)

Chris Courtois:   Just as "A Milhouse Divided" wasn't really about Milhouse,
   we see very little of Lisa in "Lisa the Skeptic". At least, not the Lisa
   who bought back her brother's soul, and made the family get rid of an
   illegal cable hookup in order to prevent them from going to hell. Instead
   we had some pointy haired message spouter who was condescending to her
   mother, using Yeardly Smith's voice to spew such groaningly bad lines such
   as "Who wants to complain with me?", "I feel sorry for you", and "But they
   *are* morons!". Which is a shame, because there was some very good pointed
   satire in the episode, especially Homer's bit that scientifically testing
   the "angel" was sacriligous because it might kill the cash cow. (Shades of
   the Catholic Church's long resistance to carbon dating the Shroud of Turin,
   which when it was dated proved the shroud was nowhere near old enough to be
   Christ's burial cloth.) While the stabs at America's current obsession with
   angels and tacky advertising were welcome and well deserved, the drastic
   discontinuty in Lisa's character left a bad taste which no amount of stuff
   from previous episodes in Homer's closet could erase. Sorry guys, I care
   about character continuity, not seeing a shot of Homer's Grammy. Good satire
   and near character rape balance out to a... (B-/C+)

Nathan Mulac DeHoff:  The idea of this episode was interesting, and there were
   several good laughs.  Judge Snyder's restraining order on religion and
   science was hilarious, and Moe's bad grammar was pretty funny, too.  It was
   a little odd that Lisa would be seen as anti-religious, since she has
   generally been portrayed as religious (especially in "Homer vs. Lisa and
   the Eighth Commandment"), but Lisa never really denounces religion, just
   belief in angels.  It was the townspeople who made her out to be
   anti-religious.  Overall, I thought that this episode was pretty good, but
   they seemed to be trying to pack too much into a single episode.  I like to
   see the townspeople have roles, but this episode seemed to be trying to
   give a part to every person in Springfield, and that might have been a
   little too much. (B)

Daniel L. Dreibelbis:  Not bad.  Maybe not as fall-down funny as many of the
   classic episodes, but it had some great moments, particularly the angry mob
   scene (and I bet everyone will be buzzing about "the kiss" and Mr. Burns'
   later reaction to it for months!).  This episode certainly explores Lisa's
   character and motivation quite well, and reminded me very much of "Bart
   Sells His Soul". The added treat of Professor Stephen Jay Gould as himself
   certainly upped its coolness factor and was an unexpected surprise. (B+)

Jeremy Gallen: I really liked this episode.  Who would of ever predicted that
   the angel statue would be part of the new shopping mall?  I liked the whole
   episode except for one thing: Homer was wanting Bart to take up smoking to
   get rid of the angel ashtrays!  Don't they realize that smoking is not for
   kids, and that it is bad for their health?  I wonder if they ever will.
   (B+)

Andrew Gill:  A generally funny ep, but I disliked the way religion was
   portrayed. Springfield's mob is usually portrayed as having somewhat
   "normal" motives. The dark ages motive just didn't do it for me.  Lisa is
   usually quite tolerant, but here, she just stepped out of character and
   took a note from Moe.  All in all, I thought that it was a good episode,
   but some points to be parodied were ignored (Stephen Jay Gould should have
   had a good line at the end) and the overall treatment of religion and the
   characters (Lisa, Smithers, Flanders, Hibbert) toss it down to a (C-)

Billy Goode:  Overall a good effort, but the lack of subtlety and the
   disconnected-and brief- subplot caused some problems. Lisa's short bout of
   smugness was displeasing but more than enough good moments to offset it.
   (B)

John Isles IV:  I thought this episode did fairly well in the terms of science
   vs. religion, but I think that was what kept this episode from shattering.
   I laughed at a couple of jokes (the 500-yard restraining order between
   science and religion;  The boat sting;  Smithers kissing Burns), but the
   episode just started to fall flat near the end.  Despite Lisa standing up
   for the fact that the fossil may not be an angel, this episode left me
   wondering-- The ending was considerably poor.  Personally, I wanted to
   find out what the fossil really was...  If it was a real angel or not.  If
   the ending didn't point out to the new mall, this Lisa the Skeptic would
   have gotten a higher score.  Sorry, but I was disappointed. (C-)

Joe Klemm:  Proof that some clever jokes can save a plot that may be dull
   without it. The second act proves it with Homer making money on the angel.
   Other jokes that I liked includes Ralph's reaction in case he finds a T
   Rex and Homer as a Neandethal. Now if they just come up with a fun script
   to make it even more enjoyable. (B+)

Haynes Lee:  A fairly well written episode with Lisa the Activist not being
   annoying for once. A major letdown is the scientist who turns out to have
   the work ethic between Lionel Hutz and Dr. Nick Riviera. I wish the show
   will refrain from using guest stars for the sole purpose of always
   mentioning their short cameo appearances. I dread to see Sonny Bono in
   the 200th episode. (B)

Damian Penny:  I'm going to get flamer mercilessly for this, especially
   because I seem to disagree with most of the others on this group, but I
   HATED this episode so much it made me nostalgic for "Bart Gets an
   Elephant".  I expect some holes in each plot, but never this many (How did
   the angel get stolen from the garage?  How come nobody noticed the wires
   used to move the angel from the hill to the mall?), and I've never seen so
   many potentially funny scenes fall flat (the mob smashing up the museum,
   the trial...even Lionel Hutz wasn't very funny in this one). Only Ralph
   Wiggum saved this one from being a total loss, and he's been better.  By
   the end, I felt like declaring, a la Krusty, "What the HELL was that?" (D-)

Jeremy Reaban:  Overall, pretty funny. Homer was great in this episode. And as
   something of a paranormal investigator, I liked how skeptics are portrayed
   (as jerks) that reach for bizzare explanations , particularly when there's
   an obvious one. (B+)

Phil Reed:  Finally season 9 has a classic!  I am probably the biggest
   Swartzwelder fan in America, and that's why I was so surprised that this
   became the new best episode of the season!  I didn't stop laughing once.
   As always, the religious humor was astoundingly acute.  Everybody at the
   site of the dig was hilarious.  While a few jokes could have been better,
   those were few and far between, and not one of them fell flat.  Homer
   decorating the angel with Christmas lights...oh man, it was great.  "Why
   did they program me to feel pain?" was great, even better than the sticky
   buns last week.  And Smithers and Burns!  And Lionel Hutz!  And...oh man
   the list never ends!  The whole religion vs. science issue was handled
   tastefully and hilariously.  This is defeats "The Cartridge Family" as the
   episode of the season to be remembered.  And who could forget the ending?
   Non-stop laughs.  And the very last part of the episode gave us a sweet
   little heart-warming little situation.  We haven't seen had of those for
   years.  I laughed so hard I cried.  Three cheers, two thumbs up, and one
   big smile. (A+)

Mark Aaron Richey:  An odd, and not very successful musing on the differences
   between matters of science and the matters of faith. While Spingfield's
   reaction is believable, Lisa returns to her self-righteous, shrill mode
   that I hope had disappeared after [3F03] "Lisa the Vegetarian".  Until the
   very end, she didn't act once like an 8-year-old.  Is this the same little
   girl who had the fear of hell put into her in [7F13] "Homer vs. Lisa and
   the Eighth Commandment"?  Stephen Jay Gould, to his credit, doesn't
   embarrass himself, but why get a real scientist that hardly anybody has
   heard of to play himself?  A few nice moments between Marge and Lisa, and
   that's about it. (B-)

Benjamin Robinson:  This would have been a good "Northern Exposure," and it
   makes a decent "Simpsons."  It would have been better, though, if Lisa had
   been less strident, and the reason vs. faith argument more fully explored.
   As it is, it's a good concept with less than heavenly execution. (B)

Matt Rose:  This is a tough one, I'm not sure what to think of it. I didn't
   laugh a whole lot, but I appreciated the fact that Lisa was herself and not
   a PC thug, and she had some good moments with Marge. I felt Ralph was very
   out of place this week.....he is being overdone. I also think that the
   ending was kind of dumb. This was like watching "Bart's Comet" or something
   with a Lisa twist to it; a lot of mob scenes were involved. Much of this
   episode remains consistent with my feelings about the show these days,
   which is that I feel that it is still mildly funny and I enjoy it, but it's
   not the occasionally emotional brilliant sidesplitter that I fell in love
   with. (B-/C+)

Donni Saphire-Bernstein:  There was something curiously unsatisfying about
   this episode. Maybe it was Lisa's irritating dismissal of the townspeoples'
   faith, seemingly without justification for doing so. Maybe it was a
   childish fantasy, but she never gave us anything to back up this claim.
   Then, too, there was the annoying "look! they're hypocrites!" stuff, like
   with Moe voice-controlling the tv and later (put this in the DUH file) "Ow!
   I hope medical science can help me!" Not that it wasn't funny. Some of it
   was. But in past episodes, they have managed to take a serious issue (faith
   vs. science) and treat it with respect and humor. Here they just sort of
   hit us on the head with it. (C+)

Yours truly:  A good episode. Lisa was annoying, though.  The ending was
   disappointing in a way, but I liked Lisa and Marge walking into the
   sunset hand in hand. (B)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> The Beer of Presidents

Benjamin Robinson: Some Presidents get really distinguished family, like
   Kennedy or Roosevelt.  Jimmy Carter got Billy, who was what used to be
   called a "good ol' boy."  (Some less charitable might say,
   "ne'er-do-well.")  Much to the chagrin of his brother, Billy allowed
   himself to become the namesake of Billy Beer, an actual beer made during
   the early part of the Carter administration.  I hope Homer isn't planning
   to retire on the sale of his Billy Beer cans.  Practically everyone held on
   to them, believing that they would own a future collector's item.  Of
   course, this all but destroyed whatever collectible value the cans might
   have had.  Today a can of Billy Beer, opened or not, goes for about fifty
   cents.


>> There's a sucker born every minute

Benjamin Robinson: This is so strange.  Weeks before this episode aired, I ran
   across a Web page telling the story of the Cardiff giant hoax.  If you have
   Web access, you can go to
   http://www.historybuff.com/library/refbarnum.html and see for yourself.
   I'll provide the condensed version below, in case you don't have access, or
   if the page moved, or if you just don't feel like it.

   George Hull was a not completely scrupulous archeologist who one day
   decided to pull off the world's greatest hoax.  Noticing that the stone in
   a gypsum quarry resembled human veins, he purchased a hunk of it and had it
   carved into a fossilized giant.  This was an extremely detailed statue --
   even the skin pores were included.  Hull then enlisted the help of his
   cousin, Willian Newell, who buried the faux giant on his farm near Cardiff,
   New York.  There, the giant rested until it was time to put the next phase
   of the plan in motion.

   A year later, Hull gave the word.  Newell hired some laborers to build a
   well on the farm, being sure to specify the spot where the giant lay.
   Naturally, the workers discovered the phony fossil.  Thousands of people,
   each paying fifty cents admission, flocked to see what became known as the
   Cardiff Giant.  Scientists split into two camps:   Some believed it was a
   real giant; others thought it was an ancient statue.  Nobody suspected a
   hoax.

   Hull sold his interest in the giant to a man named David Hannum, who
   thought he was buying a bona fide giant.  P. T. Barnum, the famous huckster
   took an interest in the find, and this is what ultimately called the hoax
   to unravel.  Barnum tried but failed to buy the giant from Hannum, so he
   had a fake of his own made.  As if this weren't enough, Barnum told the
   press that Hannum's giant was a fake.  Hannum promptly sued Barnum, and at
   the trial Hull stepped forward and admitted the hoax.

   Incidentally, before the trial, a reporter asked Hannum about the throngs
   crowding to see Barnum's version of the giant.  He said of them, "There's a
   sucker born every minute."  The phrase lives on today, but is now widely --
   and incorrectly -- attributed to P. T. Barnum.


>> Wonderful Life

Jonkeria (jonkeria@aol.com): Gould's book Wonderful Life brought the
   fascinating Burgess creatures into the public spotlight. I checked my copy
   of Wonderful Life, and the chalk creature is directly from page 160 of the
   book (and in itself is from a 1976 Derek Briggs paper). The animators have
   it copied exactly, but with one error. On the chalkboard it says "5 mm
   length". A 5 mm marker appears on the illustration, but the entire animal
   is a couple of inches long. Whoops. (not included in Animation, Continuity
   and Other Goofs. --hmw)

   (regarding Jonkeria's DYN. --hmw)


>> Where is Springfield? The search continues.

Jonkeria (jonkeria@aol.com): This museum is in New York City.

   Dr. Gould is a professor at Harvard, lending more evidence to the
   Springfield in Massachusetts theory.

   Neanderthals only lived in Europe, but Lisa has already proven her
   knowledge of paleontology is less than perfect.

   By the way, I shuddered when I first saw the townsfolk destroy the T. rex
   skeleton. But since there are no tyrannosaur fossils found that are white,
   it was probably a cast. This would cost the museum several thousand
   dollars, but science as a whole would not suffer.


>> An optimistic look at the episode.

Brian Trosko: Once upon a time, millions of people believed the Sun revolved
   around the Earth; their religion told them so.  Once upon a time, millions
   of people believed the Earth was created on October 23, 4004 BC, at 9 in
   the morning; their religion told them so.  In last night's episode, the
   Springfieldians believed they'd found a fossilized angel; their religion
   told them so.

   If millions of people persist in irrationalism, it is still irrationalism;
   the argument ad populum is still a fallacy.

   Just because someone feels strongly about something, or because the belief
   makes them feel good, does not mean the object of belief exists. Pragmatism
   doesn't work well as an epistemology.


>> Get with the times, man!

Ben Dreyfus: The science vs. religion "debate" is based on the science of 100
   years ago and the religion of 3000 years ago.  The writers need to get with
   the times.  Science and religion go hand in hand.


>> I'm lovin' angels instead...

Andrew Davie: To paraphrase a famous quote, no matter how improbable an
   explanation is, if it fits the facts, it's probably more correct than a
   simple explanation that _doesn't_ fit the facts.

   Don't christians believe angels are non-corporeal (i.e. spiritual)
   entities? Wouldn't the fact that this skeleton _had_ a body mean that it
   _wasn't_ an angel? This seems pretty obvious to me, so i think Lisa was
   entirely justified in calling the townspeople morons. If it acts like a
   moron, walks like a moron, quacks like a moron - it probably is a moron...


>> All played out

George Gearjeff: Smithers consumates his lust for Burns in a kiss. Homer casts
   out Lisa as a child of Satan. All the old props are dragged out and put on
   display one last time. Lisa's position in the family even at a spiritual
   level is severed. All the townspeople speak more candidly than ever
   previously shown.

   This signals to me that the writers have done all they can and are all
   played out. It looks like the show will end with this season. (but, as we
   know, it didn't. --hmw)


>> The Scopes Monkey Trial

Joe Klemm: The science/religion plotline refers to the Monkey Trial that took
   place in the 1920's. The trail took place due to the fact that teaching
   about human evolution was banned in some areas at the time because many
   people believed the Bible. However, the trial proved that the belief that
   humans were made on the sixth day is possibly wrong when someone can't
   prove some incidents in the Old Testament.


>> About Stephen Jay Gould

Daniel L. Dreibelbis: Stephen Jay Gould is a Professor of Geology  at Harvard
   University, and is well-known for his essays on paleonthology, evolution
   and other matters of science for magazines like "Natural History" and "The
   New York Review of Books", many of which have been collected in books like
   THE PANDA's THUMB, BULLY FOR BRONTOSAURUS and DINOSAUR IN A HAYSTACK and
   are noted for being written in a humorous, easy-to-understand way.  Gould
   is also on the editorial board of SKEPTIC, a quarterly magazine produced
   by noted scientists and writers on a variety of subjects including religion,
   evolution and claims of the paranormal, all of a skeptical bent; I wouldn't
   be surprise if Lisa has a subscription. (In 3G01 she has a copy of Junior
   Skeptic magazine. --hmw)


- Was Lisa out of character?

Jarad Nielson: First of all, I think all this talk an apparent contradiction
   between Lisa's character in this show v. other episodes is wrong.  Lisa,
   like many people, is spiritual in the broad sense of believing in religious
   *principals*, while not embracing organized religion.  She's the one who
   talks buddhism with Bart when he entered the golf tournament, Hinduism
   with Apu when she became a vegetarian, Judaism when Krusty was reunited
   with his father, et al.  Her broad (almost pan-theistic) spirituality is
   typical of anyone who has read the popular Mythologist/Spiritualist Joseph
   Campbell, or maybe Robert Graves or Karen Armstrong.  Trust me, folks, I've
   watched the Simpsons from the beginning, and read countless books from
   prominent scholars on the subject of religious movements - and Lisa's
   character is the archetype of modern religious thought, written by writers
   well-versed in religion, and not a contradiction at all.

SJim67 (sjim67@aol.com): From all indications, Lisa is a theist:

   From "Bart Gets an F": "I heard you last night, Bart. You prayed for this
   [a snowstorm so school would be snowed out.] Now your prayers have been
   answered. I'm no theologian, I don't know who or what God is exactly. All I
   know is He's a force more powerful than mom and dad put together, and you
   owe him big."

   Whether she specifically believes in Jesus I don't know, she have never
   stated that in an actually episode. 

   However, your equating of skepticism with atheism is way off base. They are
   not the same thing, nor does one necessarily imply the other. A person can
   be a theist, and yet be skeptical when someone claims a dug up skeleton is
   that of an angel ("Lisa the Skeptic"), unless you think theists should just
   accept any claim of miracles on faith and not ever investigate possible
   frauds, which I believe is what the episode was trying to illustrate. I
   don't recall Lisa renouncing God or declaring herself an atheist as a
   result of her ordeal.

   Skepticism is a method of inquiry, theism is based on faith. You can't
   prove a negative, so the true skeptic never bothers to try. Thus, it is not
   unreasonable to believe in God, and yet inquire about the nature of the
   physical world.

Billy Goode: Lisa's smugness in kitchen- Her comments were just a bit over the
   top. Referring to the believers as "morons," implying that no inteliigent
   person could possibly believe, and her last comment to Marge ("Don't feel
   sorry for me, mom. I feel sorry for you) just seemed heavy-handed. Any
   subtlety in the episode was blown away. Her appearance on "Smartline"
   continued this attitude as she states that to believe in an angel is live
   in a "childish dream world." I just kept thinking, "why does she care so
   much if others choose to believe? What type of satisfaction is derived from
   destroying that faith?"

Andrew Gill: OK.  I usually accept Lisa's characterization, seeing it as a
   plot device. This episode's Lisa was just terrible.  "Who wants to
   complain?"  Who wants to gag me?

Yours truly: Could it be that Lisa was attention-seeking, like she was in 5F03
   when she wanted to join the football team as the only girl, but was
   disappointed when other girls were already on the team? And she almost
   seemed *disappointed* when she couldn't argue about using the skin of an
   innocent pig on a football (in the same episode).


- Milestones {hl}
   - this is the first speaking part Hutz had since 3F18.
   - Apu's wife from the last week's episode is seen.
     (this is probably the first time since the first
     season a character is introduced and appears in
     the very next episode)
   - this is the first time smoking has been related to cancer.
     (cancer has been only been linked to radar guns in 2F21 and
     rectal cancer with excessive beer drinking in 9F17)
   - Smithers kissed Burns??!!
     (now the cat is out of the bag, expect Burns to be fidgety
     around Smithers for the rest of the series)
   - Moe was bootlegging a killer whale in 3G01, now we know his
     buyer is the Museum of Natural History.


>> Musical references

   + "Up, Up and Away"
      - the song Homer is singing - originally popularized in the late
        1960s/early 1970s by The Fifth Dimension {ddg}


>> Miscellaneous

- MPAA rating: PG {ddg}


Daniel L. Dreibelbis: And where was Professor Frink? This was something that
   really could've been up his alley, and he was nowhere to be seen.


- Homers sings "Up, Up and Away". {hl}


- trial is similar of the creationists vs. Darwinism. {hl}


- hymns Flanders mentions are "Amazing Grace" and "Nearer my God to thee".
  {hl}


- The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is:  Lisa the Septic

==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary {nh} {hmw}
==============================================================================
% Another week, another sting. The police force of Springfield, namely Eddie,
% Lou and Chief Clancy Wiggum, are preparing the police station to lure
% outlaws to the building.

Wiggum: I mailed these bogus prize certificates to every scofflaw in
        Springfield. When they show up for their free motor boats we arrest
        them and beat them to the full extent of the law.
 Eddie: So the hook is baited.
   Lou: Nice metaphore Eddie!
Wiggum: Yeah, good work, Eddie!
-- With sugar on top, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Homer is one of the scofflaws Chief Wiggum spoke about, and he's driving
% the family to the station to pick up a motorboat Homer supposedly won.

Homer: Up and away in my beautiful my beautiful motor boat! Da da da da!
 Bart: But we didn't enter any police raffle.
Homer: That doesn't matter, the important thing is we won.
       [parks]
Marge: I don't know, there's something very peculiar about
       this!
Homer: Sheesh! You're the most paranoid family I've ever been
       affiliated with. [gets out]
-- Care-free Homer, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Snake beat Homer to the station, but Homer tries to cut to the front of
% the line.

I'd like a yellow boat please, with extra motors.
-- Homer knows what he wants, "Lisa the Skeptic"

 Snake: Yo! No cuts bro! Where's my motor boat pig?
Wiggum: Right through that door [he laughs. Snake enters we hear screams.]
Wiggum: Alright, Simpson, Homer. Your'e next.
 Homer: Wohoo! [goes through] Howdy gents. I'm hear to collect my free...
        [they get him] Oh, oh, my boating arm. What's going on?
-- He walked right into it, "Lisa the Skeptic"

Wiggum: Your'e under arrest slimebag, what's this punk in here for Lou?
   Lou: 235 unpaid parking tickets, totalling $175.
Wiggum: I hope you brought your'e check book, wiseguy.
 Homer: [gets it out his back pocket.] You lousy cops. Lucky for you I'm
        double parked. [gives him check] Now, can I please have my motor boat?
-- Uh, sir, you didn't quite get the point, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Within no time, our favorite family are driving home. Homer isn't happy
% about what happened, and seems to be giving everyone the silent treatment.

 Bart: Dad, why arn't you saying anything? Where's our motorboat?
Homer: I didn't like it. The mast had termites.
 Lisa: Why would a motor boat have a mast?
Homer: Because... the thingy was... shut up!
-- Easy way out, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Homer stops at the lights, nearby a construction site.

There's that new mega mall they're building. They say their air conditioner
they are using will be more powefull than a million hydrogen bombs.
-- 95% of statistics are fake. Marge, "Lisa the Skeptic"

 Lisa: Hey, they can't just build a parking lot on Saber Tooth meadow. That's
       where they found all them fossils.
Homer: Fossils Schmossils. You can't stop progress because of some mony old
       bones. Bones Schmones. [drives off]
 Lisa: But they might be paving over rare specimins. Pull over so we can
       complain Dad. Come on who wants to complain with me? [silence] Fine,
       I'll come back later. Who wants to come back with me? [silence] Fine.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Lisa did go back, but not alone. With her is attorney at law Lionel Hutz,
% who is aiding Lisa in the protest of building over the land.

  Lisa: My attorney Lionel Hutz, calls your attention to municipal code 147C,
        protection of antiquities and fossils.
Lionel: That's right. [pats his briefcase and there is only an appel core and
        sandwich in it].
-- Ouch, hard evidence! "Lisa the Skeptic"

 Sid: There arn't any fossils here little girl. Museum folks dug them up
      years ago.
Lisa: But what if they missed something? You have to allow an archaeological
      survey.
 Sid: Who's gonna make us? You?
      [laughter ensues, including Lionel Hutz, who seems to find it even
      more funny than Sid does.]
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

 Sid's partner: Now hold on, hold on Sid, maybe we should let the kid
                dig, it could be a good publicity. [they walk away and 
                discuss]. 
           Sid: Fine, if you wanna dig, be my guest.
        Lionel: Fine, we'll see you in court!
          Lisa: Mr Hutz, we won.
        Lionel: [in a you-had-nothing-to-do-with-it tone] Weee..?
-- Two words. Therapy. "Lisa the Skeptic"

% The next day, Lisa is in Principal Skinner's office.

   Lisa: Principal Skinner, remember how I didn't sue when I found that
         scorpion in my apple sauce? Well I'm calling in a favour.
Skinner: I knew this day would come.
-- Cruel fate, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% In the classroom, Skinner makes an announcement over the intercom.

Attention, all honour students will be reward with a trip to an
archaeological dig. [The honour students cheer]. Conversely, all dentention
students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig. [The
detention students boo].
-- See, you're all treated equally! Principal Skinner, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Soon enough, the field trip is underway. Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney are
% pick-axing into the ground, wearing prisoner-style outfits.

                 [singing as if doing prison-like chores]
          Jimbo: Gonna dig me a whole..
Dolph & Kearney: Gonna dig me a whole..
          Jimbo: Gonna put a nerd in it..
Dolph & Kearney: Gonna put a nerd in it..
          Jimbo: Gonna take a firecracker..
Dolph & Kearney: Gonna take a firecracker..
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Skinner watches through his scope as Lisa watches her fellow classmates
% searching the site.

   Lisa: This is so exciting, I can't wait to see what we to find.
Skinner: I must admit, this is rather exciting. Eh! Look there's something
         right here. It seems to be some sort of rock! [picks it up and
         crumbles it] Oh no, it is just a clump of dirt. Even so, my heart
         is pounding like a kettle drum, I better sit down for a while. [sits
         and wipes brow].
-- Tough work, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Elsewhere on the site, Ralph seems to have found something!

      Ralph: Prinscipal Skipple, Prinscipal Skimpster. I found something. [all
             gather] It's a spearhead. 
Miss Hoover: That's your trowel blade, Ralph, it fell off the handle.
      Ralph: And I found it.
-- You sure did. Here's a rubber ball. "Lisa the Skeptic"

O.K, everyone back to work. You never know when we might uncover a
Tyrannasaurus? [all walk off, but Ralph runs off screaming.]
-- Lisa, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Later still, the day is becoming old, and Bart and Milhouse are shovelling
% dirt into the pants of Martin, who is sound asleep. Principal Skinner is
% prepared to call it a day.

% Lisa is reluctant to leaving, so she desparately searches the dirt for
% something. Lisa begins to unearth something big, something like an odd
% skeletion! Conveiniently, parents and non-parents arrive on the scene,
% forming a crowd.

>From the looks of it I'd say this fellow died from causes unknown [laughs]!
-- Dr. Hibbert, "Lisa the Skeptic"

   Lisa: Look, there's more. What the heck is this thing?
Hibbert: Speaking from a strictly medical point of view, that ain't right!
-- In English, doctor! "Lisa the Skeptic"

     Lisa: [uncovers wings] Oh my goodness.
Millhouse: What is it Lisa?
     Lisa: It looks like a human skeleton, but these other bones almost look
           like wings.
      Ned: You mean like an angel!
     Lisa: Well obvioiusly that is impossible--
      Moe: Yeah, Lisa's right, It's an angel!
-- Let's not jump to conclusions, "Lisa the Skeptic"

[End of act one.]

Lisa: But it can't be an angel.
 Moe: No? Well if you're so sure what it ain't, how-a-bout telling us what
      it am!
-- Jerry! Jerry! "Lisa the Skeptic"

% The crowd is eager for an explanation. Lisa is quick to come up with an
% easy explenation.

% Lisa exmplains with the aid of the following sketch: In the past a
% Homer-like neanderthal is searching for food in a stream when two giant
% fish leap up and bite his arms. He runs about with the fish stuck to his
% arms before falling unconcious in the mud. His skeleton is then revealed
% as that in the present.

I gotta say Lisa it seems you're straining to do some explaining.
-- The fun never ends. Ned Flanders, "Lisa the Skeptic"

Yes, everybody's heard of angles, but who's heard of a neanderthal!
-- Chief Wiggum, "Lisa the Skeptic"

    Lisa: It could be anything, it could be a mutant from the nuclear plant.
   Burns: D'oh! Fiddle-faddle, everyone knows our mutants have flippers. Oh!
          I've said too much. Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
   Burns: Precisely, be sure to wipe your own memory clear when you've
          finished.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

Now, regardless of what this thing is, it's a priceless scientific find. So
our more prior concern now is to determine who owns such a valuabe skeleton,
and I propose I do.
-- A reasonable arguament. Dr. Hibbert, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Everyone is against the idea.

 Mel: I'd like to hear from Lionel Hutz.
Hutz: It's an authority legal issue alright, I'll need to
      refer to the case: "Finders vs. Keepers".
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

  Ned: Oh, we can work this out friends, in the spirit of
       sharing why don't we simply place the sacred bones...
       [Homer honks car horn. He has the skeleton strapped to the back
       of his car.]
Homer: So long suckers! [drives off]
-- Patience, Neddy, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Back home, Homer is pushing the skeleton into his cupboard.

Homer: Eh! Come on angel!
Marge: What are you doing with that?
Homer: I'm locking it up in my safe deposit closet with my
       other valuables. [opens door]. I'll just leave it in
       here for a few years and let it appreciate in value. 
 Bart: It's probably a million years old dad, I thinks its as
       valuable as it's going to get.
Homer: Pftt. That's what they said about this billy bear,
       smartey pants. [drinks] Ah! We elected the wrong
       Carter.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Later, Homer and Marge are watching television.

TV Announcer: Coming up next, an hilarious boat give-a-way
              scam, that's Springfield's Dumbest Criminals!
       Homer: [laughs] Sounds like good watching.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% The door bell rings. Marge answers the door.

  Ned: Hey there Marge, just brought the kids over to share a
       prayer with the angel, if it's alright with you.
Homer: Get your own angel, you moocher.
  Ned: Thanks anyway Homer.
-- Two bad neighbours, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Doorbell sounds again. Marge re-answers it.

Marge: Oh hello Agnes.
Agnes: Sorry to trouble you, but I'm going in for surgery
       tomorrow and I wondered if I could rub the angle with my foot
       for good luck, it's foot surgery.
Homer: I'm trying to eat here. Beat it peg leg.
Agnes: [To Homer:] Jackass! [Then politely nods to Marge:] Marge.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Marge shuts door. She re-opens it on instinct, and the whole town
% is there. Third time lucky, eh?

  Moe: We wanna see your angel.
Lenny: Come on Homer, I just want a quick look see, pay you a 
       buck.
Homer: A buck eh? That gives me an idea.
       [Later, In the garage, there is a whole petty museum dedicated to
       the angel.]
Homer: 50 cents, please!
-- A fine idea, "Lisa the Skeptic"

[singing:] Here's the angel, see the angel, it's my angel, no-one elses,
next to the rakes!
-- Homer, "Lisa the Skeptic"

 Lisa: Dad, it's not fair to claim this thing an angel, there's no proof
       of that.
Homer: No-one's calling it an angel Lisa, if you look carefully I never
       once used the word angel.
 Lisa: What's that sign over there?
       [It says Angel in big letters.]
Homer: That's a typo.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

 Lisa: Just let me take it to the museum for one day. They can do
       scientific tests and prove it's not an angel.
Homer: Oh no, oh no. We could lose out on bags of money. It's sacreligious
       I tell ya!
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% That night Lisa takes a chip from it's toe and takes it to the museum.
% Lisa pulls up on her bycicle outside the museum and walks inside. She
% sees a giant whale on the roof, which is fed.

% She walks into the lab of Dr. Stephen Jay Gould.

[Lisa takes part of the angel skeleton into the lab]  Astonishing, simply
astonishing, [looking through microscope] one of the most singular
specimins I've encounted in all my distinguished career.  Anyway, that's
enough of my work, what did you want to see me about Lisa?
-- Dr. Stephen Jay Gould, "Lisa the Skeptic"

     Lisa: It's a bone scraping from that skeleton I found.
Dr. Gould: Oh yeah, that so called angel, the whole thing's
           poposterous, of course.
     Lisa: _Quite_ poposterous, but no-one will believe me until
           I can prove what it really is! Can't you do a DNA test or
           something?
Dr. Gould: Oh certainly, I'll have the results by tomorrow!
     Lisa: Oh thank you so much. Er... you know... I can't
           afford to pay you.
Dr. Gould: I didn't become a scientist for financial gain. What
           ever little money you have will be just fine.
-- Such a nice guy, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% In the garage, Carl & Lenny are arguing over the angels
% origins.

 Carl: I say it's the angel of peace, you idiot.
Lenny: I say it's the angel of mercy, you jerk!
-- Ah, biblical differences, "Lisa the Skeptic"

 Lisa: Excuse me, I took a piece of this skeleton for scientific ananalys,
       soon you will have all the facts.
  All: You did what? Stupid! [boos are heard].
Homer: Facts are meaningless, you can use facts to prove anything that's
       remotely true! Facts, schmacks.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

     Lisa: [spots Dr. Gould running up] Hah! Here's Dr. Gould now. What
           were the results professor?
Dr. Gould: Inconclusive.
     Lisa: Inconclusive! Then why did you run up like that!
Dr. Gould: [embarassed] Can I use your bathroom?
-- The antics of Stephen Jay Gould, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Dr. Gould leaves for the bathroom.

Lovejoy: Well, It appears science has failed again, infront of
         overwhelming religious evidence.
   Lisa: But?
    Moe: Go home, science girl.
   Lisa: I am home.
    Moe: Good, stay there.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"


Homer: All right folks, get your angel glow sticks. No-one gets into
       heaven without a glow stick.
  Ned: I'll take four!
-- Don't forget to buy a glow in the dark halo, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Lisa storms into the kitchen, where she finds Marge.

 Lisa: Oh, those morons make me feel so angry!
       [gets a drink from refridgerator]
Marge: Maybe so, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't call them
       morons.
 Lisa: But they are morons! What grown person could believe in
       angles?
Marge: Well, your'e mother for one!
 Lisa: You? But your'e an intelligent person, mom.
Marge: There has to be more life than just what we see Lisa,
       everyone needs something to believe in.
 Lisa: It's not that I don't have a spiratual side, I just
       find it hard to believe there's a dead angel hanging in our
       garage.
Marge: Oh, my poor Lisa, if you can't make a leap of faith now
       and then, well, I feel sorry for you.
 Lisa: Don't feel sorry for me mom, I feel sorry for
       you.
       [leaves]
-- I feel sorry for both of you, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Lisa won't stop there, not by a longshot. She's gone from editorializing
% with her mother, to expressing her opinions on Smartline, hosted by news
% anchor Kent Brockman.

Next on Smartline, the Springfield angel controversy. Our guest tonight,
making her 13th appearance on Smartline, miss Lisa Simpson.
-- Kent Brockman, "Lisa the Skeptic"

Kent: Miss Simpson, how can you maintain your skepticism
      despite the fact that this thing really really looks like an
      angel?
Lisa: I just think it's a fantasy, if you believe in angels,
      then why not unicorns, sea-monsters and leprachauns!
Kent: D'oh, that's a bunch of baloney Lisa, everyone knows
      that lepreachauns are extinct!
-- It's a known fact, "Lisa the Skeptic"

Look, you can either except science and face to reality or you can believe
in angels and live in a childish dream world.
-- Lisa, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Our religious gang of Springfieldians have gathered in church and are
% watching Smartline on TV.

Science, what's science ever done for us. TV off. [TV switches off with
his voice signal]
-- Moe, "Lisa the Skeptic"


  Ned: Science is like a blabber mouth who ruins a movie by
       telling you how it ends. Well I say that there are some thing
       we don't wanna know. Important things!
       [everyone backs him up]
Agnes: Enough talk, it's smashing time!
-- A well-thought-out plan, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% First stop: the Museum of natural history. The gang runs in and batter
% a Tyrannasaurous skeleton to the floor. Then they smash down the
% observatory. Meanwhile Moe is clubbing a mammoth. The tusk falls off,
% landing on top of him.

Oh, I'm paralised, I just hope medical science can cure me!
-- Moe, part of a Science-destroying mob, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% In the Springfield Robotics Lab People are bursting in throwing
% flames. Whilst robots come out fearing for their lives, Kent Brockman
% reports.

Why? Why was I programmed to feel pain?
-- Robot, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% At home, Lisa watches the chaos on TV.

 Lisa: Oh, I wish i'd never found those stupid bones. It's
       time to put an end to this. Bart, I'm borrowing your blue
       crowbar.
 Bart: Good old blewy.
Marge: Hey, she's going to smash the angel.
Homer: Somebody stop her!
       [nobody lifts a finger]
-- Before it's too late, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% She enters the dark-filled garage, but when she flicks on the lights,
% the angel is nowhere to be seen.

 Lisa: It's gone!
Homer: Oh no, this can't be happening. What the hell are we
       going to do with ten thousand angel ash-trays?
 Bart: I could take up smoking.
Homer: You damn well better.
-- Fatherly advice, "Lisa the Skeptic"

[End of Act 2.]

% Homer is panicking like a madman. With the angel gone, the whole town
% will be after his (or Lisa's, rather) blood.

OK, OK, don't panic. Marge, stop panicking!! So we need a replacement
skeleton and we need it now! Bart! Strip down to your skeleton!
-- Homer, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% The mob arrives at the garage door.

    Ned: We've come for the angel Homer, it's not safe with the unbeliever.
    Moe: It's gone, wer'e too late.
 Quimby: Little girl, what have you done with our precious angel.
   Lisa: Nothing, someone must have stolen it.
Lovejoy: Looks to me that Lisa Simpson found something that science could
         not explain, so she had to destroy it.
         [points at crowbar.]
 Wiggum: Well, that's all the evidence I need, arrest the girl.
   Lisa: Hey!
  Marge: What? She didn't do anything!
-- She did in my book, "Lisa the Skeptic"

[gives Wiggum money] Give her a nice cel, something in C block.
-- Bart bribing Chief Wiggum, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% In Court, Judge Snyder looks over the case.

Lisa Simpson, you are charged with destruction of an historic curiousity.
A mis-demener. By the larger sum, this trial will settle the age old
question of Science vs. Religion. Let the opening statements commence.
-- Judge Snyder, "Lisa the Skeptic"

Religion Lawyer: Your honour over the coming weeks and months we will
                 prove that Lisa Simpson willingly destroyed...
                 [Lisa notices the angel on a nearby grassy hill through
                 a window]
          Lenny: There's the angle!
                 [they all run out to see the angel]
   Judge Snider: I find the defendent not guilty. As for science vs.
                 religion I'm issuing a refraining order. Science should
                 stay 500 yards from religion at all times.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Eventually they all reach the angel, on of the hill.

Lenny: Wow, do you think it flew up here?
  Moe: Well, it didn't ride up on no zebra.
-- Angel-talk, "Lisa the Skeptic"

Look! A message. The end will come at sundown. [laughs] Wait a second,
I don't like the sound of that...
-- Homer, "Lisa the Skeptic"

 Ralph: Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants.
Wiggum: Just relax and it'll come, son.
-- Fatherly advice, "Lisa the Skeptic"

Lovejoy: Now, even Lisa Simpson, must agree that we have witnessed a
         miracle.
   Lisa: Hardly. Anyone could have written that.
  Homer: Oh angle, listen not to this child of Satan!
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

    Ned: Reverend, I do have to admit that this doomsday has me just a
         tridge pitter-painted.
Lovejoy: Oh do be calm Ned, but be very afraid also! Tremendously
         afraid! [now shouting] For the day of reckoning is apon us!!
-- That makes me feel better, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% In Vatican City, the Pope is told of the events.

Messenger: Your holiness, there is word from America, they say an angel
           has fortold the apocalypse.
     Pope: Er... keep an eye on it.
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% In Principal Skinner's office, Edna sits on his desk with her skirt
% held up.

   Edna: This could be our last day together our love, how
         about a farewell romp in the garden of earthly delights.
Skinner: Oh Edna, my buttercup, you read my mind. [beat] Just give me
         twenty minutes or so to finish these tardy slips.
-- Oooh, you dog, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% In Marge's bedroom, the kids are getting dressed up, but they don't
% know why.

 Bart: Where we're going mom, are we going to Black Angus?
Marge: Well you might say, we're going to the best steak house in the
       whole universe.
 Bart: So we're <not> going to Black Angus.
-- Nope, "Lisa the Skeptic"

       [Marge is putting Lisa's bow on for her]
 Lisa: Will you leave me alone. It's bad enough your'e making me go to
       your stupid Judgement Day!
Marge: Please Lisa, I don't know exactly what's going to happen, but I
       really wish we could make peace before sunset.
 Lisa: Nothing is going to happen mom. I hate to dissapoint you but the
       world is <not> coming to an end.
-- It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine, "Lisa the
Skeptic"

% Lisa exits, as Marge peers out the window in dispair.

% The time has come. The people of Springfield are fathered upon the hill,
% stood around the angel. It is nearly sunset.

    Ned: Well, shall we sing a hymn. Dear my God to thee maybe... or...
         er... Amazing Grace?
Lovejoy: Uhhh, nah.
-- Awaiting the end, "Lisa the Skeptic"

[holding Marge's hand] Oh Marge, don't let go. No matter what. If they
want you in heaven they have to take me too!
-- Homer, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% The sun begins to set. This is it.

  Wiggum: 10 seconds till sun down.
   Patty: [takes a smoke] We did it, we beat cancer.
          [stubs cigarette out]
Smithers: Oh... what the hell!
          [kisses Mr. Burns]
  Wiggum: 7, 6...
     All: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
-- Countdown to the end, "Lisa the Skeptic"

% The sun sets, and the townsfolk gasp, yet nothing happens. At least
% not for now.  Lisa's about to lecture the town, but the angel speaks!

Silence! [it rises] Prepare for the end! The end of high prices! Behold,
the grand opening of the Heavenly Hills Mall! [The mall lights up and it
is revealed to us only that the men from the mall are talking into the
angel] Please follow the angel for all your shopping needs. [The angel
is mechanically put onto the sign. It gets stuck half way but a man
helps it along with a wooden pole]
-- An end to the madness. The angel speaks, "Lisa the Skeptic"

         Lisa: Wait a second, you planted a phony skeleton for me to find.
               this was all a big hoax.
          Sid: Not a hoax, a publicity stunt.
         Lisa: You exploited people's deepest beliefs just to annoint your
               cheesy wares. Well we are outraged, arn't we?
       Wiggum: [unenthusiastically] Oh yes, we're outraged. Very much so.
               but look at all the stores. A pottery barn!
          Moe: And 20 percent off everything! Does that include rat spray?
Sid's partner: Oh yeah.
        Agnes: Out of my way shorty.
               [they all run down to the mall]
-- They just don't care, "Lisa the Skeptic"

     Lisa: I don't understand professor, why didn't your tests show that
           the skeleton was a fake.
Dr. Gould: I'm going to be honest with you Lisa, I never did the tests.
           [Dr. Gould walks away]
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% People enter the mall. Smithers holds the door open for Mr. Burns.

 Smithers: Uh.. sir.. er, about that kiss. I hope you understand that it
           was merely a sign of my respect.
Mr. Burns: Yes, yes, of course.
           [Mr. Burns looks to think to himself otherwise]
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

% Meanwhile, Lisa and Marge patch up their differences.

Marge: Well I guess you were right honey, but you have to admit that
       when the angel started to talk you were squeezing my hand pretty hard!
 Lisa: [laughs, attempting to continue her disbelief] Well it was just so
       loud and... Thanks for squeezing back.
Marge: Anytime, my angel.
       [Marge and Lisa walk into the sunset hand in hand.]
-- "Lisa the Skeptic"

[End Of Act 3.]

% Fin.

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ad}  Andrew Davie
{ag}  Andrew Gill
{bg}  Billy Goode
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{c1}  Chadderack (chadderack@aol.com)
{cc}  Chris Cayanan
{dp}  Damian Penny
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dsb} Donni Saphire-Bernstein
{j1}  Jonkeria (jonkeria@aol.com)
{jg}  Jeremy Gallen
{ji4} John Isles IV
{jk}  Joe Klemm
{jr}  Jeremy Reaban
{i1}  Ice To C U
{m1}  Mike (thisthat@mindspring.com)
{mr}  Matt Rose
{mu}  Mike Umscheid
{nmd} Nathan Mulac DeHoff
{ol}  Ondre Lombard
{sjc} Steve J. Campbell

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
[5F05] capsule copyright 2000, Hari Michael Wierny, and The Simpsons Archive.
(The quotes remain the property of Fox, and the reproduced articles remain the
property of their respective authors. I'm just taking credit for the
compilation.) Not to be redistributed in public forum without the permission
of the author.  Quotes transcribed by Nick Hartley, scene summaries re-written
by yours truly.