Simpsons of Borg

Maintained by Haynes Lee

  • HOMER:
    • I am Homer of Borg, Prepare to be assim... Hmmmmm, Donut! {dq}
    • Resistance is floor tile. D'OH! {dd}
    • Can't assimilate now, eating. {tf}
    • D'oh! Stupid Starfleet Captains! {mt}
    • And Ted Koppel is a Borg!
    • Mmm... assimilation. {dj}
    • Resistance is the first step towards assimilation.
  • BART:
    • Don't have a Borg, man!
    • Assimilate my shorts. {dd}
    • We have assimilated the President and found him irrelevant.
    • We need more "Borg" license plates in the gift shop.
      I repeat, we are sold out of "Borg" license plates.
  • LISA:
    • If anyone wants me, I'll be in my cube.
    • No, the Delta Quadrant makes my butt look big.
    • I am the Borg Queen!
  • MARGE:
    • The Borg have no boundaries.
    • Lisa needs implants.
    • The first cube I have to show you is an engineer's dream...
      because it's so assimilated.
    • Squeak, squeak (needs oiling).
    • I just assimilated myself.
    • Matlock is irrelevant. Resistance is futile.
      You will be assimiZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.....{tr}
    • Back in my day we didn't have any fancy cube ships!
      We had to walk from planet to planet, assimilatin' by hand! {mt}
    • I'm half-a-dozen of one, and that's the way we likes it! {ag}
    • Think warm thoughts. This implant is mighty cold.
  • APU:
    • Thank you for being assimilated. Please come again. {mt}
    • I can recite pi to infinite decimal places.
      And the last one is irrelevant.
    • Don't you kids take anything. I'm watching you.
      I've got eye implants in the back of my head.
    • Each of these implants is a badge of honor.
    • Borg! There are 700 trillion of us.
    • Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir.
      Perhaps you are going to assimilate me?
    • Who needs the Borg Collective? We doooo... {mg}
    • Prohibition is futile.
    • Resistance is <Barney_Burp.Wav>. {tr}
    • The next time someone tells you that non-Borg are good,
      honest people, you can assimilate them for me. {ag}
  • BURNS:
    • Smithers, assimilate them. {dd}
    • Smithers, release the Borg.
    • Ah my sweet little Borg hive, I think I will call the Borg Queen "Smithers". And see that fat lazy drone eating all the food and doing no work? I will call him Homer.
    • Assimilation is the greatest development in labour relations since the cat o'nine tails! {mt}
    • Thanks Marge for not making fun of my implants.
    • Arr, give me a cube and a galaxy free o' meddlin' bald men and I'll bring ye back assimilated cultures the likes o' which ye've never dreamed! {mt}
    • `Tis no Borg, tis a remorseless assimilatin' machine. {ag}
    • Our city is under siege by a graffiti vandal know as El Borgo.
      He is considered armed and hatless.
    • Hey, you're right! Resistance IS futile. How 'bout that! {mt}
    • According to the Borg charter, as town constable, Wiggum gets a tribble every month, as well, as "two comely lasses of designation seven of nine".
    • Ahhh... Captain Janeway of the Starship Boobyprize.
      Hey, this is taking forever.
      What's this? The Internet Borg.
      I wonder if they can bring me faster assimilation?
    • Can you make one out to me and three out to the Collective of the same designation. {pb}
    • Last night's Futurama was, without a doubt, the most irrelevant episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Great Link within nanoseconds, registering my non-compliance throughout the Collective.
    • Heh heh heh.
    • Oh, heavens no! It had to be assimilated! {jl}
  • DR. NICK:
    • The toe-implant is attached to the foot-implant
      The foot-implant is attached to the leg-implant
      The leg-implant is attached to the knee-implant
      The knee-implant is attached to my wristwatch??!!
    • Hello everyborgy! {mt}
    • When you getting assimilated, did you feel your brain getting damaged?
    • The best part is when they assimilated me. {pb}
    • Call 1-800-DOCTORB. The B is for Borg!
    • Assimilate, assimilate... dance to the music.
    • Disco Stu doesn't assimilate.
    • You will be assimididdlydoodilyated. {bp}
    • Hidilyho, neighbor, let's get assimilating! {dd}
    • Well, like one out of every nine Borg, I favor the implants in my left arm. {cj}
    • Itchy & Scratchy of Borg Theme Song: {mg}
      They assimilate and bite!
      Assimilate and assimilate and bite!
      Assimilate assimilate assimilate, bite bite bite!
      Because they're Itchy & Scratchy of Borg!
    • Ha ha ha hey, kids! Who wants to be assimilated? {mt}
    • We hate the Borg Collective! You make our machinery malfunction!
      We will Collectively implant a virus into each fiftieth KrustyBorger! {dj}
    • And I, for one, welcome the Borg. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their sugar cubes.
    • I've said it before and I'll say it again: assimilation simply doesn't work.
    • Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another, he just cannot report. It doesn't seem to matter now, so... the following people are assimilated.
    • Can you imagine the universe without the Borg? Ugh.
    • Hey you! Out of my cube.
    • Mr. Hutz, do you know that you're not wearing any implants?
    • As mayor of the Springfield Collective, I hereby declare this day to be "Assimilation Day".
    • I don't get it. They don't want the Borg but they also don't want to pay the Borg tax. Are those morons assimilated?
  • MOE:
    • Hello, I'm looking for Anita, last name Assimilation. Anita Assimilation!
    • Yeah, yeah, we'll never live it down.
      Oh boy, it looks like assimilation again for me.
    • Prepare for assimilation! Ha-hah! {mt}
    • I'm gonna assimilate you tomorrow, Simpson. {ag}
    • Assimilation! Yikes! Look on the bright side- it's as close to marriage as we're ever going to get... {mt}
    • Yes, I've been assimilated mother! {mt}
    • And for a state-of-the-art detention cube where children are held in place with magnets.
    • Mrs. Krabappel! Your're trying to assimilate me.
    • I predict that within 100 years computers will grow so large that they will to put into interstellar cubes, which I call Frinkagons.
    • It's all over, people! The Borg are coming! We don't have a prayer, argh...
    • And the good Book of Borg says "go forth and assimilate."
    • Won't somebody please think of assimilating the children. {dd}
    • Hi! I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from movies such as "Cool Hand Locutus".
    • Hi! I'm McClure of Borg. You may remember me from such alien possessions as "Jack the Piglet" and "And the Lawyer Shall Cameo".... {tr}
    • I ate my implants.
    • Oh boy...assimilation! That's where I'm a Borg!
    • When I grow up, I'm going to go to Borg University.
    • My Borg's breath smells like Borg food. {mg}
    • What's a Borg?
    • Get back ye pansy alien gadgets! There's nary a Borg alive that can assimilate an angry Scotsman!...
      Och, save me from the pansy aliens- they were too fast fer me! {mt}
    • Willy's assimilated, Willy don't care. {mt}
    • "R...r...r...esistance is futile" you surrender monkeys.
    • Grease me up, Two of Six. {pb}
    • Hey, what's on this side of the wormhole?
    • Talking out of turn... that's an assimilating.
      Looking out into space... that's an assimilating.
      Staring at my feet implants... that's an assimilating.
      Assimilating a Federation starship crew...
      ooh, you better believe that's an assimilating.
    • I was saying Boo-org.


DR. JOYCE BROTHERS: I brought my own implant! {ag}

BART: You're the Borg Queen?
MARGE: Well I do have a life outside this house you know. {rm}

GRAMPA: The Borg are Evil, I tells ya. Evil! Eeviill!!!
MARGE: Grampa, you say that about all the Star Trek characters.
GRAMPA: I just want to get assimilated.

LISA: How did you remove your underwear without taking off your implants?
GRAMPA: We are Borg.

HOMER: Marge, are we Borg?
MARGE: Resistance is futile.

GIRL: Eyelash implants.
LISA: [puzzled] I though those were illegal?
GIRL: Not in the Delta Quadrant.

VOICE: Warning... Problem in Cube 7G.
BURNS: 7G? Good God, who's the safety inspector there?
SMITHERS: Homer Simpson of Borg, sir.
BURNS: Simpson, eh? Good man? Intelligent?
SMITHERS: Actually, sir, he was hired under Project Jockstrap initiated by the Borg Assimilation.
BURNS: Thank you, President Borg.

BURNS: Who is that man assimilating all the donuts Smithers?
SMITHERS: That is Homer of Borg, sir, one of your carbon blobs from Cube 7G.
BURNS: Excellent.

LISA: That story isn't suitable for children.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Really? I keep my implants on in this version.

CBSG: Well, now I gotta assimilate you.
MILHOUSE: Waa-aa-al, can't you just assimilate my parents?
CBSG: Sorry, kid, already assimilated them. My contract says I have to assimilate ten people every day. Now toodle-o and welcome to the Borg Collective. {jp}
(CBSG = Comic Book Store Guy)

HUTZ: Sidehow Borg. Is it true you rigged the election and assimilated the entire town of Springfield?
SSB: We are Borg.
HUTZ: Help!

LISA: And what makes your voice high?
BART: Tight, binding implants?
LISA: Helium! Sideshow Borg is in the Duff Cube! {cj}

LISA: Oh, it's futile, utterly, utterly futile!
SSB: Oh, I see. When it's me, you can't assimilate me fast enough, but when you try to assimilate my brother, "It's futile! Utterly, utterly futile." {ag}

LISA: Is there some way that I can change my DNA, say by sitting on top of my cube?
DR. HIBBERT: DNA is futile. We are Borg.

MAYOR QUIMBY: May the Collective be with you.
LEORNARD NIMOY: Do you know who I am?
MAYOR QUIMBY: Aren't you Locutus of Borg? {mg}

BART: Did, did you lose your arm in the Borg war?
HERMAN: My arm? Well, let's put it this way, the next time that someone tells you to be assimilated, you do it! {ag}

BART: I'm aware of its imperfections, but what gives you the right to complain?
CBSG: As a loyal drone, I feel they owe me.
BART: What? They've assimilated centuries of data at no charge. What possibly could they owe you? If anything, you owe them!
CBSG: [pauses] Most irrelevant episode ever. {je}

DRONES: {ag} Andrew Gill, {bp} Brian Petersen, {dq} Doc Quack, {dd} Daniel L. Dreibelbis, {je} Jason Eisenborg, {jl} Jake Lennington, {jp} Joona I Palaste, {mg} Magma Girl, {mt} Mark Towler, {rm} Robert Moir, {tf} TomtheFish, {tr} TomR.

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Last updated on May 1, 1999 by Haynes Lee (