The Simpsons Archive's Simpsons Syndication Cuts Guide Season Eight (1996-1997) "Syndication... is there anything they can't do?" Version 2.25 - 07 Apr 2001 Maintained by Chad Lehman With significant contributions from Tim Reardon Created by Frederic Briere [==========================[Season Eight Summary]===========================] Story cut episodes: All episodes except 3G03 and 4F16. Compressed episodes: All episodes except 3G01. Changed content: 4F05, 4F17. Story time cut: 17:46 (17 min 46 sec) Total time gained: 31:45 (31 min 45 sec) ==[ 4F02 ]====================================== Treehouse of Horror VII === CUTS: 45 seconds GAINED: 84 seconds 20:02 / 21:26 Original opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:15> (0:27) 6:35 / 7:02 Marge: Three. We have _THREE_ kids, Homer. Homer: Yeah, three NOSY kids. % Homer: [ominous] And you know what happens to nosy kids who ask too % many questions? % Bart: [yammering simultaneously w/Lisa] What? What? Tell us what <0:07> % happens. What DOES happen? What happens to kids when they % ask the big questions, huh, Dad? % Lisa: [yammering simultaneously w/Bart] No, what happens? Does % something happen? Does something happen to nosy kids who ask % questions? What happens? Lightning strikes outside. ~~ Hibbert: A routine soul-smear confirmed the presence of pure evil. It was then I knew the only option was to separate you two... immediately. The young Dr. Hibbert pushes down the paper cutter arm, % then raises two halves of a birth certificate. % <0:04> % Hibbert: You'll both need to sign these... [giggles] % % Marge takes one, as does Homer. View of siamese twins on x-ray. Hibbert carries Bart to Marge. ! Well, the joke was completely lost here. It appears Bart & Hugo ! truly _were_ separated by a paper cutter. Story point made, joke ! destroyed. ~~ Homer: We'll search out every place a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to! Lisa: I'll start with Radio Shack. Homer: Right... <0:04> % [returns] Bart, you stay home and tape the hockey game. % [leaves, door shuts] Bart stands alone, looking around. ! A different door slam is used, so it appears everyone just runs off ! and slams the door. The slam also overlaps Bart standing alone. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:12> (0:21) 5:31 / 5:52 Bart: [squishing little people] Oops, my finger slipped. Oops, my finger slipped. Oops, my finger slipped... Lisa: Bart, stop it! Bart: [laughs and runs out; door slams] % Lisa puts the tub under her microscope, and sees the destruction % Bart caused. Sirens wail, and little people cry. Spaceships search <0:12> % for survivors in the rubble. % % Lisa: Oh, my poor little guys... [slightly ticked off] That Bart is % so rude. Bart: [snores, asleep in his bed] ! The story loses a bit of coherence, without us viewing the actual ! damage. "Why do they attack him?" Bart really did some major damage. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:18> (0:36) 7:56 / 8:32 The grappling hook grabs Homer by the face. He struggles. <0:04> % The line pulls him up, but Homer falls into the water. The hook % tries again, and pulls Homer from the water. Homer ascends into the ship. ~~ Homer: [thinking; coming up with a name] ...Bob Dole. Kang: Hmmm. <0:03> % An election... That complicates matters. Set grid coordinates for Bob Dole. ~~ Brockman: Kent Brockman here with Campaign '96: <0:02> % America flips a coin! At an appearance this morning, President Clinton made some rather cryptic remarks... ! The "Election Coverage" graphic behind Kent, with a question-mark ! coin being flipped loses meaning. ~~ Kang/Dole: It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed... DOOMED! <0:03> % Brockman: [brightly] Well, a refreshingly frank response there, % from Senator Bob Dole. Homer: These candidates make me want to vomit in terror! ! Kang/Dole's line is reduced to a dramatic story point, from what was ! a great political joke. ~~ Dole/Clinton debate; people gather at Town Hall. <0:06> % Kodos/Clinton: [as crowd cheers] My fellow Americans. As a young % boy, I dreamed of being a baseball... but tonight I say... we must move forward, not backward... ! Why is it the funniest stuff always gets the axe? =) ==[ 3F23 ]=========================================== You Only Move Twice === CUTS: 21 seconds GAINED: 58 seconds 20:01 / 20:59 No chalkboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:06> (0:13) 4:33 / 4:46 OFF drives past Moe’s. Barney: Bye bye, Homer. Moe: Take care. % They drive past the TV studio. % % Bumblebee Man: Adiós. % Krusty: So long. % Sideshow Mel: Fare thee well. <0:06> % % They drive by the comic book store. % % Captain McCallister: Arr, bon voyage. % Comic Book Guy: Toodle-ooh. They drive past city hall. Mayor Quimby: Uh, so long... ~~~~~ ACT II <0:13> (0:30) 9:35 / 10:05 Teacher: Seems to me that someone's got a case of the "s'pose'tas". Bart: [moans] % Warren pats him on the back thrice, but on the fourth time <0:04> % he just smacks him. % Teacher: Warren! ~~ There is a shot of the Cypress Creek Promenade sign. <0:02> % The camera pans down to show the promenade. Homer: Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%... ~~ Hank: You know, there's a little place called Mary Ann's Hammocks. The nice thing about that place is Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you. [laughs] I'm just kidding. Homer: Oh. % Hank: You know who invented the hammock, Homer? % Homer: No. <0:07> % Hank: That's something for you to do. Find that out. % % Homer leaves as Scorpio waves goodbye, posing dramatically like a % dictator. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:02> (0:15) 5:53 / 6:08 Homer: Uh... you have any sugar around here? Hank: Sugar? Sure. [fumbles in his pockets, takes out a few handfuls of sugar] There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. % Want some cream? <0:02> % Homer: I--uh... no. The house sparkles. ==[ 4F03 ]========================================== The Homer They Fall === CUTS: 45 seconds GAINED: 86 seconds 19:55 / 21:21 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:09> (0:21) 4:56 / 5:17 Marge: Tsk. Anyone who needs this kind of status symbol must have some terrible emotional problems... % Homer: [steps in front of Marge; extreme closeup; gasp] Marge, look! % % A light blue leather jacket; Marilyn Monroe pose from 7 Year Itch on <0:09> % right lapel, Elvis looking over shoulder on left lapel. Checkerboard % pattern on shoulders. % % Homer: [reading] "The World's Best Jacket". If I had this, it would % show everybody! [trembling with rage] Show everybody! CBG: Yes, finally! I would like to return your quote, unquote "Ultimate Belt." ~~~~~ ACT II <0:18> (0:30) 6:40 / 7:10 Homer: [bitter] Lousy Democrats! Marge: [over shot of house; upset growl] <0:06> % Homer, of all the crazy ideas you've had, this one ranks % somewhere in the middle. You're 38 years old, you don't know how to box... ~~ Moe: Oh...kay... Let's see the right. Homer: [panting; resting on ropes] Just a second... Moe: When you're ready. Homer: [panting; gets up feebly] All right. Ready. Wait a minute. [takes breath] <0:05> % [holds breath] All right I... wait a minute, jus' sec... Moe: Okay, punching isn't your thing... ~~ Lenny: [impressed] Man, that tramp's got the energy of a hobo. % Carl: Yeah, he never stops punching... 'cept to check out his % bindle. <0:07> % % Boxcar Bob punches Homer a few times, and looks over his shoulder at % a scarf on a stick. Determined, Bob pounds Homer again. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:18> (0:35) 8:19 / 8:54 Bart & Grampa cheer the advertisement, where Tatum hits Homer's face, and his head explodes. <0:02> % Grampa: [to Maggie, baby talk] That's your daddy. ~~ People walk in under sign: "CHAMPIONSHIP BOXING, Tasteful attire prohibited." % Move on locker room door. Silhouette of Bart taping Homer in the % locker room. <0:07> % % Bart: You'll be okay, Dad. Just make sure he hits you an even number % of times, so you don't end up with amnesia. Smoking, Moe paces nervously in the hallway. ! A good high-brow joke bites the dust! ~~ Krusty: [after his hair is "cut"] Aw, cripes. Now I gotta comb this side over. [he combs the right side over, folding his arms] <0:02> % Pull back from ringside into tunnel, where Moe and Homer watch. Moe: All right, Homer. I'm not going to lie to you... ~~ Buffer: And now, <0:03> % please welcome back into decent society, Ladies and Gentlemen, the heavyweight champion of the world! Drederick Tatum! [music starts] Tatum walks through the tunnel; <0:01> % three steps cut. Pull back to wide shot of tunnel entrance. They approach <0:01> % and enter % the arena. Heads turn as Tatum walks by. ~~ Homer and Drederick touch gloves; Tatum approaches; <0:01> % two steps cut. Homer's belly approaches; <0:01> % one step is cut. ! Some really messy, nit-picky cuts there. ==[ 4F05 ]============================================ Burns, Baby Burns === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 86 seconds 20:04 / 21:30 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:17> (0:30) 5:57 / 6:27 Homer's Brain: You can stay, but I'm leaving. [slide whistle] Ned Flanders: --clear and yellow--IF you're using late-season apples. And of course, in Canada, the whole thing is flip-flopped. [Homer collapses] <0:04> % Oh, my. I'd better get you some cider. [runs back % into the gift shop] ~~ Lisa: It's not "foilage," Mom. It's "foliage." <0:02> % [condescending; ominous] FO-LIAGE... Marge: [annoyed] That's what I said. "Foilage!" ~~ Dink: Hello, Burnsie! It's your old roomie, "Dink!" Burns pulls down the shade, and shudders. Overhead shot of train. <0:04> % Move on caboose one second more. Smithers sets up the rack of % billiard balls, while Burns squeakily chalks his pool cue. Burns: [taking aim at the cue ball] Steady, steady... ~~ Engineer: Attention, passengers. The train has been temporarily delayed because of a discarded couch on the tracks. <0:03> % Burns walks over to a window, and opens it. Smithers follows. They % look around toward the front of the train. Several men stand at the head of the train, discussing the couch. ~~ Larry: Oh Mr. Burns, I'm your son... [Smithers & Burns are shocked] <0:04> % Oh, and I stepped on one of your peacocks. You got a paper % towel? ~~~~~ ACT II <0:19> (0:32) 6:45 / 7:17 Larry: [kissing Burns all over] Burns: [uneasy] All right. [giggles] Uh huh. Good to see you, too. [pushes him away] % [walks down hall a bit] Now then... in case you get bored, % here's the play room... [opens door] % Actor: [distraught] You can't just eat the orange, and throw the % peel away! A man's not a piece of fruit! % Burns: This show was supposed to close last week! Close this show! <0:19> % Close it, I say! [slams door] % % The two actors look down; depressed. % % Larry: [opens door] Hey, don't worry about it. You're all right. % [slams door] Overhead shot of the nuclear plant. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:07> (0:24) 7:22 / 7:46 Marge notices many extension cords leading out of the room; the couch and TV are gone. She walks out, and % she follows the cords into the next room, where they disappear down <0:03> % the basement steps. % % Marge: Hmmm? Marge descends the basement steps, following the cords. ~~ Brockman: Now, here's how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs... Lisa: We've got to go down there, and help Dad. Marge, Lisa, and Bart leave. Homer: [off-screen] Ouch! Ooch! Eech! Ouch! <0:02> % Ooch! [emotionally hurt] Oh, stop it! Chief Wiggum smugly and quietly pushes open theater door. ! In the cut version, the following replaces Homer's four off-screen ! yells: ! ! Homer: [off-screen] Ow, oh, ee! Ay! ~~ Lou: Chief! [points out Homer, on the theater fire escape] Lou runs up the sticky aisle, Eddie follows, <0:02> % and Wiggum brings up the rear. The cops walk out the front door. ==[ 4F06 ]=============================================== Bart After Dark === CUTS: 47 seconds GAINED: 82 seconds 19:59 / 21:21 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:26> (0:39) 7:23 / 8:02 Homer: A whole week of just father and son. See you at dinner. [both walk off whistling] % They then walk back. % % Homer: You know? I don't know. % Bart: Shall we say... ten? % Homer: All right, just wake me up. % <0:23> % Later that night, Bart and Homer stuff their faces while watching TV % at the dinner table. % % Homer: [mouth full of food] You know, Bart, I saw this one. % Bart: [mumbles incoherently] % Announcer: Live, from the Grand Ballroom of the Hapsburg Imperial % Palace, it's the World Series of Bumper Cars. % Bart: [swallowing] More food. ~~ Close-up of Milhouse working the remote control. <0:03> % Bart, Milhouse and Nelson watch the plane. Bart: Milhouse, this is boring. Make it crash or something. ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:10) 4:36 / 4:46 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:21> (0:33) 8:00 / 8:33 Marge: [to valet] It's a light pink '87 wagon... % Quimby: ...and after visiting the area for, uh, the past two months, % I have determined it is not feasible to construct a <0:12> % supertrain between Springfield and Aruba. [removes his % sunglasses] [audience groans] [with a tan] Next on the agenda is, uh, the Citizens' Committee on Moral Hygiene. [audience groans] ! Quimby's "Next," overlaps on the view of the Town Hall in ! syndication. His tan is also left unexplained. ~~ Moe: ... Oh, uh... [forced] Barney. [shot of Marge clicking to another slide] % [slide of Chief Wiggum] % Sarah Wiggum: Clancy! % Chief Wiggum: Hey, come on, you did me twice. <0:09> % [slide of Smithers] % Burns: Smithers? % Smithers: My... my parents insisted I give it a try, sir. [slide of Quimby, wearing a "Mayor" sash] Woman: Mayor Quimby! ==[ 4F04 ]=========================================== A Milhouse Divided === CUTS: 51 seconds GAINED: 85 seconds 19:57 / 21:22 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:26> (0:36) 7:29 / 8:05 * Compression starts when Marge & Homer have a conversation in bed ~~ At the party, Kirk Van Houten draws on the easel. Kirk: It's a door! Use it! % Homer: That's a _door_? % % Meanwhile, the kids play in the bedroom with the guests' coats. % Milhouse is dressed in a fur coat, and Bart wears a white lab coat % and stethoscope. Milhouse turns around, Bart raises the coat, and % listens to Milhouse's rear. % % Bart: Hello, I'm Dr. Hibbert. I'm afraid I'm going to have to <0:26> % amputate... your butt... [laughs] % Milhouse: [girl's voice] All right, if you think you must. % % The children laugh, and Luanne enters. % % Luanne: Come on, Milhouse. We're going. % Milhouse: Aw, can't I come home later? % Luanne: There's not going to _be_ a "home later." % Milhouse: [brightly] Oh. Okay. [woman's voice] Ta ta! I'm off to % the beauty salon! [waves] The Hibberts leave the party. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:25> (0:36) 5:30 / 6:06 % First scene of second act cut. Homer sits in bed with a book, % wearing his glasses. Marge enters and climbs in bed. % % Marge: I feel terrible. The Van Houten's split up at our party. % Homer: [dignified] Marge, please. That was twenty minutes ago! <0:25> % Marge: I shouldn't have served those North Korean fortune cookies. % They were so insulting... "You are a coward." No one likes to % hear that after a nice meal. % Homer: [looks up, knowingly] You can't keep blaming yourself! Just % blame yourself once, and move on. % Marge: You know who the real victim is in all this... Milhouse. Depressed, Milhouse stares out the school bus window. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:13) 6:58 / 7:11 ==[ 4F01 ]====================================== Lisa's Date With Density === CUTS: 44 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 20:03 / 21:24 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:23> (0:36) 7:36 / 8:12 Skinner: All right, Mr. Smartenheimer, that does it. First, you're going to give back everything you've stolen. Then, I'm sentencing you to one week of the lowest, most degrading work known to man -- janitorial work. Willy: Ah, gee-- I'm standing right here, sir. Skinner: Ah, yes. <0:05> % Uh... Take a good look at him, Nelson, 'cause that's % where you're headed. ~~ Burns: One dollar for eternal happiness. Mmmm... I'd be happier with the dollar. % Back at OFF’s house. % % Homer: Heh heh heh. Now we just sit by the mailbox and watch the <0:14> % money roll in. % Marge: But you're going to annoy thousands of people just to make a % few measly dollars. It's nothing but panhandling. % Homer: Tele-panhandling. ~~ Kids: [taunting] Milhouse likes Lisa! Janey: He does not! Kids: [taunting] Janey likes Milhouse! % Uter: She does not! <0:04> % Kids: [taunting] Uter likes Milhouse! Mr. Largo: Nobody likes Milhouse! ~~~~~ ACT II <0:05> (0:18) 6:25 / 6:43 Homer's auto-dialer calls Professor Frink. <0:04> % Frink: [to robot arm] No, pawns can't move that way, you stupid arm. [phone rings] Lab... ~~ Lisa: [reading] "Nuke the whales?" You don't really believe that, do you? <0:01> % Nelson: I dunno. Gotta nuke something. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:16> (0:27) 6:02 / 6:29 Skinner: Who's out there? <0:02> % Give me your names so I can tell the police. Agnes: [from another room] Seymour, what's going on? What's that odor? ~~ Wiggum: See you in court, Simpson. Oh, and uh, bring that evidence with you. Otherwise, I got no case, and you'll go scot-free, you know. % Lou: Uh, Chief, what about those coleslaw punks? % Wiggum: Well, I... I can't be everywhere at once, Lou, now can I? You % know, in most cities, the Chief of Police doesn't even go out % on calls like these. <0:14> % Eddie: Yeah, yeah, we know Chief. % Lou: Yeah, we appreciate it, Chief. % Eddie: Count our blessings everyday. % Lou: We're very appreciative. ==[ 4F07 ]============================================== Hurricane Neddy === CUTS: 48 seconds GAINED: 80 seconds 20:01 / 21:21 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:17> (0:24) 5:29 / 5:53 Ralph: Hi, Lisa. We're going to be in a pie. % In front of the Retirement Castle, the National Guard loads seniors % onto a truck. Inside... * % Army guy: [grabbing Grampa's hand] Sir, for your own safety, we DO <0:15> % advise you to evacuate. % Grampa: [stubborn] I ain't leavin'! I was born in this nursing % home, and I'll DIE in this nursing home! % Army guy: Is there any chance of you changing your mind? % Grampa: Sure. Let's go. [gets up and leaves] High winds blow at the ol' Simpson place... ~~ Convict: So long, suckers! [He flies into some power lines, and gets fried anyway] Crowd: Yay! <0:02> % Establish shot: Front of Simpson house. On the back wall of the house, shutters flap. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:21> (0:33) 7:20 / 7:53 Bart: Uh, I wouldn't take it down if I were you. It's a load-bearing poster. [wall & ceiling crack] % Ned walks down the hall, with Apu & Moe. They pass a couple of % misshapen doors. Electricity is heard, coming from behind another % door. Ned's hairs stand up, as do Apu's. <0:15> % % Apu: Now, this is the room with electricity... but, it has too much % electricity. So, I don't know, you might want to wear a hat. % Ned: [kind of annoyed] Uh huh. [continues walking] Floor feels a little gritty. ~~ <0:06> % After Ned enters "Calmwood", he hums along with "Aloha Oe" for six % more seconds. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:10> (0:23) 7:12 / 7:35 Dr. Foster: [on telephone] No no no, I'll-- I'll come right over. [dramatic] And may God have mercy on us all. % [hangs up phone; to wife] Darling, there's an emergency <0:10> % at the hospital. Uh, where are my shoes? % Wife: Uh, I think they're in the den. % Dr. Foster: In the DEN? [dramatic] May God have mercy on us all... Est. outside Calmwood Hospital, at night. ==[ 3F24 ]========================== El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 80 seconds 20:05 / 21:25 Original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:33> (0:48) 7:31 / 8:19 Helen: Howdy howdy, Marge and Home... oh, my mistake. Homer's not even with you. Probably just knocking back a few "refreshments." [chuckles] <0:02> % Marge: [annoyed] Thank you for your concern, Helen. Homer isn't drinking today. ~~ Todd: Daddy? Are you going to jail? Ned: We'll see, son. We'll see. % As Marge watches the dancing, a gaudily-dressed Waylon Smithers % approaches her. % % Smithers: Evenin', little lady. You reckon a square could get a % dance? % Marge: [sighs] It looks so complicated. Do you know how? <0:23> % Smithers: Ma'am, I wouldn't honk the honk if I couldn't tonk the % tonk. % % Smithers then pulls at his bolo tie, lighting up a neon "Hot % Nashville Nights" sign on his back. % % Marge: [impressed] Woo woo! A nervous Moe awaits the verdict on his chili. ~~ Homer runs in circles, screaming frantically, as the crowd laughs. <0:02> % There is a shot of Wiggum laughing as Homer runs around. Homer grabs an ice-cream cone from a little girl. ~~ Nelson: [inverted] Ha-HAW! Ha-HAW! Krabappel: [trombone talk; Charlie Brown's teacher] <0:06> % Barney: [long belch] Homer screams and runs away, crashing through a wooden fence. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:04> (0:19) 7:01 / 7:20 Homer kicks the tortoise, then chases it--running with four long strides, <0:04> % then four extra long strides. He catches the tortoise at a small pyramid. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:06> (0:13) 5:33 / 5:46 Bart: Hey look! Is that dad? Lisa: Either that, or Batman's really let himself go. <0:02> % Homer: [hurt] Alone.... Uh, I’m alone! I'm a lonely, insignificant speck on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun. ~~ <0:01> % Establish shot of the ship shown one second less. Captain: Ahhr, matey. Nary a warnin' light to be seen. ! Captain McCallister's line overlaps the shot of the ship in the synd version. ~~ Homer: [laughing] Well, I won't be lonely for long! Hee hee... EEE hee hee hee hee hee! [breath] % EEE hee hee hee hee! [breath] Ooo hoo hoo! [breath] Ahh ha ha <0:03> % ha ha! [breath] Ah! [breath] Oh! Hey hey hey hey hey--! [Marge opens door] ==[ 3G01 ]========================================= The Springfield Files === CUTS: 27 seconds GAINED: 27 seconds 20:03 / 20:30 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:26> (0:26) 4:58 / 5:24 <0:02> % The Noiseland Video Arcade sign is seen for two seconds less. ~~ Donkey Kong throws a barrel, flattening the clerk. Clerk: [Charles Bronson voice] Hey! He's still got it! % Music from a "Kevin Costner's Waterworld" video game is heard. The % screen reads "PLEASE DEPOSIT 40 QUARTERS" % % Milhouse: [feeding quarters] 38... 39... 40 quarters. This better <0:20> % be good. % [presses start, walks two steps] % Game: Game Over. Please deposit 40 quarters. % Milhouse: [upset] What a rip! % [hesitates, then deposits more quarters] Dr. Hibbert: [taking hat] Thank God it's Friday! ~~ Homer plows through a mess of branches and plants and runs across a log in the middle of the misty night. % He runs under a tree branch and an owl hoots. There is a wide shot <0:04> % of him running. Homer trips over a branch. ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (----) 9:32 / 9:32 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:01> (0:01) 5:33 / 5:34 Lovejoy: ...and his name was... E.T., the extra-terrestrial. [sniffs] I that little guy. Establish shot: Simpson house--Friday night. <0:01> % Shortened by a second. Mr. Largo leads the school band in the Close Encounters theme. ==[ 4F08 ]=========================== The Twisted World of Marge Simpson === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 79 seconds 19:57 / 21:16 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:31> (0:42) 6:20 / 7:02 Marge walks into the Franchise Expo. % Visitors are greeted by a wiggling robot, holding money % bags in its arms and standing in front of the entrance. % % Robot: Greetings, humans. I am Investo the robot, from the planet % Opportuniac. My superior brain advises you to enter the % Franchise Fair. <0:29> % Marge: Well, we're trying to but you're blocking our way. % Robot: Danger! Danger! Don't forget to pick up pamphlets. % Bart: I'll handle this. [pours his cola into the robot's vents] % [the robot writhes and collapses on the floor] % [Bart whistles and walks around it, followed by the family] % Robot: [in a distorted voice] Help. Help. Help. Security code 30. ~~ Marge: Now you're the one who's being naive. Man: Okay. Fair enough. But you sound like you're ready to become your own boss in the exciting world of frame-nudging! <0:01> % Yes, for a minimal franchise fee... ~~ <0:01> % The Fleet-A-Pita franchise shot is shortened by a second. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:09> (0:21) 6:23 / 6:44 Back in her kitchen, Marge pops a "Pretzel Wagon" videocassette in a VCR. % What we see is a bland office, while Frank sets up and straightens % his camera. He then walks to his desk and fumbles through some <0:09> % papers. % % Frank: Oh, hello, I’m Frank Ormand. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:03> (0:16) 7:14 / 7:30 After ducking some Chinese stars, Legs is shoved in the back. % A Japanese gangster gets puched in the face. % A bird’s eye shot shows a gangster kick someone, and he gets <0:03> % tackled himself. % % Fat Tony: Take that! [grabs man by right wrist, and punches him] Take this! [flips another guy over his head who tries to strangle him] ==[ 4F10 ]=========================================== Mountain of Madness === CUTS: 46 seconds GAINED: 77 seconds 20:10 / 21:27 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:07> (0:15) 5:40 / 5:55 Marge: Don't worry, kids. This is a national park. We can have lots of fun! Ranger: Oh, I'm afraid that's no longer true, ma'am. Budget cutbacks have forced us to eliminate anything the least bit entertaining. <0:07> % [long pause] % Well, uh, see ya. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:34> (0:43) 7:35 / 8:18 Burns: Why, thank you, Simpson! I have been watching my figure. <0:02> % Bart laughs wickedly, holding a tree branch covered in snow. Bart: Lis! Lis! Come here! I found two snowflakes... ~~ Burns: Tell me, Simpson. If an opportunity arose for taking a small shortcut, you wouldn't be adverse to taking it, would you? Homer: Uh, not as such. Burns: Neither would I. % I've always felt that there's far too much % hysteria these days about so-called cheating. <0:08> % Homer: [nervous chuckling] Yes, a lot of -- hysteria. % Burns: Mm-hmm. If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. ~~ Holding Maggie, Marge opens the door. Marge: Hello? She walks in and turns on the projector. Narrator: The story of our National Parks begins in 1872... Perhaps we should let John Muir tell the tale... Muir: [garbled] Oh yeah I remember I yeah... There ah... Yo... this mountain up there in the other world. <0:03> % Used to be a prop'rty [chuckling] get outta there! There was this safety rigging there... Marge slowly backs out of the room. ~~ Ranger: I won't lie to you. Our chances of finding your children are slim to nil. Lisa: [from below] Hi mom! [Smithers and the kids are waving at Marge] Marge: There they are! Let me down here. Ranger: Uh, sorry. There's no way off till we get to the top, and even then it's... sort of tricky. Marge: [growls] % [yelling] All right, kids, we'll meet you at the top! % Just be careful! <0:10> % Ranger: Eh, actually, I'm a little more concerned about us. % [one of the bars holding the chair lift snaps] % Um, do you know how to weld? ~~ Burns and Homer hide under the table. Burns: Hope that wasn't an avalanche. Uh--be a chum, and have a look-see? Homer: You got it, buddy. Homer gets up, and walks to the door. <0:03> % Three of his footsteps are cut. ~~ Burns telegraphs an SOS... It travels down the wire to the museum. There is a shot of the Samuel Morse dummy with dramatic music. <0:06> % A close up shot of the telegraph, then a close-up of Morse--with % more music. An avalanche sends Burns and Homer tumbling down the snow tunnel, back into the cabin. Homer lands awkwardly on his back against the fireplace. Homer: D'Oh! <0:02> % Which causes one last avalanche, before the end of the act. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:05> (0:19) 6:55 / 7:14 Burns: Hmm. No books, no radio, no boardgames. % Ah! A "Bazooka Joe" comic! Eck, I heard that one seventy <0:06> % five years ago. Homer: We could build snowmen. ! The Bazooka Joe comic can still be seen at Burns' feet in the synd version. ==[ 3G03 ]=======================Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D'oh-cious === GAINED: 24 seconds 20:00 / 20:24 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:03) 7:42 / 7:45 * Compression begins with Homer's "You have my undivided attention." ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:14) 8:02 / 8:16 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:07) 4:16 / 4:23 ==[ 4F12 ]========================== The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show === CUTS: 57 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 20:06 / 21:27 Edited short opening ! The video is 8F24's couch gag, but the audio is from the original ! Sargeant Pepper Album couch gag. ~~~~~ ACT I <0:11> (0:26) 8:55 / 9:21 Krusty: Don't come back till you've fixed Itchy & Scratchy! The door slams behind Meyers, and falls off the hinge. We see Mel sitting on the couch. % Pennycandy: [off-screen] Okay, Mel. You can go in now. % % He gets off the couch and enters, holding a can. % % Sideshow Mel: Krusty, I've come to solicit donations for the R & R <0:11> % museum.. And, uh-- % % Close up of Krusty, glaring intensely at Mel. % % Sideshow Mel: --I'll come back later. [glass breaks] Establish Springfield Mall. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:18> (0:28) 4:54 / 5:22 June Bellamy: You're a lifesaver, Homer. I can't deal with these hardcore fans. % Comic Book Guy: Ahem. Your attention please... % Fan: Um, in episode-- <0:18> % Comic Book Guy: [irritated] --Ey, your attention PLEASE! Mr. Simpson % will now be autographing 8 x 10 glossies of Poochie. % _ONE_ per customer. Please form a line--there will % be no cutting. I'm talking to you... Mr. Cutter... [later] Pardon me, look out, pardon me, excuse me, hot soup... [arrives at table] Hi... kindly make one out to me, and three out to my friend of the same name. ! Without knowing why CBG is going to the table, and just what Homer ! is signing, the new viewer won't know what the hell is going on. ! And the jokes of "one per customer" and "no cutting" are, of course, ! lost. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:18> (0:27) 6:17 / 6:44 Krusty: Poochie's dead! [laughs] Children: [cheer] % Krusty: Now kids, we all know that sometimes when cartoon % characters die, they're back again the very next week. % That's why I'm [presenting scroll] presenting this sworn % affadavit that Poochie will never, ever, EVER RETURN! % <0:18> % The starchy lawyer-type walks up and reads the scroll. % % Lawyer: This document conforms to all applicable laws, and % statutes. % % From behind a smiling Krusty, the audience is seen cheering. Bart/Lisa: [cheer; notice Homer; pretend they're yawning] ==[ 4F11 ]=============================================== Homer's Phobia === CUTS: 44 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 19:55 / 21:16 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:40> (0:50) 5:40 / 6:30 Skinner: Missie, you just talked yourself right out of a sale. % As Skinner leaves Cockamamie's, Bart walks around the corner on some % stilts, startling Lisa. % % Bart: [bouncing] Hey Lis, check it out. Pogo stilts! These were % banned in all 50 states. <0:13> % % He loses his balance, and falls off--launching the right stick over % the shelf. Bart and Lisa nervously grit their teeth, after hearing % a "poking" sound % % Homer: [off-screen] D'OH! Oh, what happened? Close-up of "Clank Clank, You're Dead" poster. Lisa: Wow, an actual robot from the movie "Clank Clank, You're Dead". ~~ John: Oh, And pearls on a little girl. It's a fairy tale. Lisa: [laughs nervously] % John checks out the kitchen. % % John: Oh, I've got the exact same curtains, only in my bathroom. % Didn't you just _die_ when you found these? % Marge: Not really. They just had corn on them. [gesturing] % Kitchen... corn... % John: Oh... [playfully slaps her] % Marge: [giggles; playfully slaps back] <0:27> % % Monkey see, monkey do--Bart smacks Homer on the arm. % % Bart: Hyuh! % Homer: Ow! Why, you little--! [grunts, while strangling Bart] I'll % teach you to... % Bart: [grunting; choking] Dad! Dad! Company! Company! [pointing] % Homer: [pausing] Oh. I'll just be another minute. Have a seat. % [resumes] DYUG! % Bart: Ahhhh! Establish Simpsons house, at night. John looks through the record collection. ! I guess it's pointless to complain, but I liked this particular ! Bart/Homer struggle. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:02> (0:16) 7:00 / 7:16 John sits in his car, waiting for the Simpsons. He picks up a toy ray gun, and aims it at the house. John: Z-z-z-zap! Homer: [gasps] <0:02> % Marge, Bart & Lisa stand by the door, as Marge puts keys in her % purse. She looks into the living room. Marge: Homer, at least come out and say hello. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:02> (0:15) 7:15 / 7:30 Moe: Where you been, Homer? Entire steel industry's gay. Yeah, aerospace too--and the railroads. <0:02> % And you know what else? Broad-way... Barney: Yeah, I always hoped Bart would grow up to be just like us. ~~ ! The end credits were compressed, netting two more seconds for the ! syndicators--but I haven't counted them, since episodes are timed ! from fade in 'til fade out, or, if the credits are animated, until ! the Executive Producer is credited. ==[ 4F14 ]================================== Brother From Another Series === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 80 seconds 20:03 / 21:23 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:21> (0:32) 5:06 / 5:38 Marge: Convicts aren't "cool." They're bad people. Bart: Yeah, maybe so. But, they get the job done. % On TV, Krusty interviews an obese prisoner. % <0:06> % Krusty: Hey! Now I know where my tax dollars are going. % [pats prisoner's stomach and chuckles; rimshot] Huh? % Prisoner: [chuckles moronically] Krusty walks over to Sideshow Bob. ~~ Sideshow Bob: I'm all murdered out. Lovejoy: Praise the Lord! <0:06> % A guard walks over, and opens the door to the visiting room. Bob % walks through, opens his arms wide, and hugs Cecil. Spinning newspaper reads: MANIAC TO LIVE AT BROTHER's APARTMENT ~~ An angry mob gathers outside the prison as Bob is to be released. Moe: Get back in there! Get back in there! Marge: How can you even THINK of releasing Sideshow Bob? Bart: He's just faking it to get out of jail! He's a maniac! % Mayor Quimby: Bob is no maniac. He explained his reasons for trying <0:09> % to kill us all, and I assure you they were perfectly % sane. [the mob grumbles] % Moe: You gotta be kidding me! Sideshow Bob: My friends... please... I make no secret of my past. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:15> (0:27) 6:57 / 7:24 Flashback to "Ten years ago," at the Sidekick Auditions. % Cecil: Thanks for driving me, big brother. These giant clown <0:09> % mitts are extremely hilarious, but they do make it % difficult to shift gears. % Sideshow Bob: That's the title of Erma Bombeck's latest, isn't it? Krusty: [bored] Number 73, you're next. Make with the laugh laugh. ~~ Lisa: Sideshow Bob changed. Bart: No, he . He's more the same than ever. And I know where the evidence is. There's only ONE place it could possibly be. % Lisa: Bob's trailer at the construction site? <0:06> % Bart: [pauses thinking] That's even better. Let's go there. % Lisa: What were thinking? % Bart: The haunted mine. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:07> (0:21) 8:00 / 8:21 Bart, Lisa and Bob run into the turbine room, % and down some steps. Lisa looks up at Bob as they descend top right % to bottom left. Bob runs along the catwalk. Bob runs down the <0:04> % steps toward the middle of the screen, while Bart and Lisa run on a % backward "L" shaped catwalk. They run up a set of steps from lower % right to upper left, then run back down them, and down several more steps. ~~ Sideshow Bob: Bart? How would you like to do something incredibly noble? Bart: Do we have to? Sideshow Bob: Yes. [cuts the wire] SSB & Bart: [They fall] AAAGH! <0:02> % Two seconds of screaming cut. They both take a breath; then resume screaming. ~~ As Bart and Sideshow Bob climb the ladder, police sirens are heard <0:01> % for one second less. Sideshow Bob: You've brought shame to this family, Cecil. ==[ 4F13 ]========================================= My Sister, My Sitter === CUTS: 40 seconds GAINED: 76 seconds 20:01 / 21:17 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:23> (0:35) 6:19 / 6:54 Homer: The important thing is, I didn't imagine it. <0:02> % Est. Lisa's room. Lisa sits on the bed, and Janey kicks her feet, % reading a book. Janey: I can't get enough of the Babysitter Twins! ~~ Lovejoy: Friday, you will have the chance to *party down* to the Jesus-Rock stylings of "Testament." <0:02> % That's Friday... 6 PM sharp. Bart: Pbbt. All the best bands are affiliated with Satan. ~~ Ralph: I dress myself. % Wearing a tux, Homer sits dignified on the couch. He dines on pizza % and beer. % <0:15> % Bart: Hey Dad, how come you're wearing a tuxedo? % Homer: Going to that fancy, waterfront party tomorrow. % Bart: Why are you wearing it NOW? % Homer: Well, it's like a rent-a-car, son. You get _ALL_ the mileage % you can; then ball it up, and cram it through the mail slot. Bart lay in bed, as Lisa's ride drops her off at home. ~~ Hibbert: I only wish my Volvo mechanic were as reliable... [his seat then violently snaps backward; chuckling] Good night, Lisa. <0:04> % He starts the car from his lowered position, and Lisa watches him % drive away. Close-up of dollar bills being counted. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:03> (0:14) 5:59 / 6:13 Homer parks on the Children's Message of Peace. He and Marge emerge, and he stretches his hands upward. <0:01> % He and Marge walk away. At home, Bart stares at his dinner as Maggie % and Lisa dig in. A closer shot of just Bart and Lisa. ! The music for the dinner scene overlaps the parking scene. ~~ Krusty: Okay, we'll call it even if I can just have some of that big sandwich-- [sees Bart on floor] Oh, uh... I'll come back. [slams door] % Dramatic music; close up of Lisa's scared face. <0:02> % % Lisa: [gasp] ~~~~~ ACT III <0:14> (0:27) 7:43 / 8:10 Bart falls, and hits the floor on the other side of the door. Lisa: Bart? <0:08> % Did you stop because I said to? If so, thank you... Bart...? Worried, she looks around nervously, and leaves. ~~ Lisa sees Nick Riviera's ad in the phone book. <0:01> % She marks it with her finger, and moves closer to read it. ~~ Wide-eyed inside the cat carrier, Maggie rocks back and forth. % Lisa pushes the wheelbarrow down the sidewalk, through a bad <0:05> % neighborhood. % % Lisa: [weary; pleading] Please, Maggie... Please, go to sleep... ==[ 4F15 ]=========================== Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment === CUTS: 46 seconds GAINED: 80 seconds 20:01 / 21:21 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:05> (0:13) 5:09 / 5:22 Homer is seen holding the newspaper, passed out. Moe and Barney are seen passed out on the floor, holding newspapers. % Dr. Hibbert sits at a table, reading the paper. Facing outward is % the headline "ALCOHOL PROHIBITED IN SPRINGFIELD" <0:05> % % Hibbert: [giggles] Did you see this, Bernice? It--[pull back to see % her in a chair, passed out on the floor] Oh, my. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:35> (0:49) 8:33 / 9:22 Wiggum: This looks bad... Better turn on the ol' Wiggum charm. % [chuckles, and pulls up his pants] <0:03> % % Helen Lovejoy gasps slowly, becoming more shocked. Chief Wiggum swaggers up to her. Helen: [gasp; screams] PERVERT! ~~ Rex Banner constructs a cement wall barricade on the highway. Two trucks smash into it, and several cars pile up. He smiles smugly. % Inside a warehouse, machine gun shots are heard as several wooden % beer barrels are shot full of holes. The beer pours out onto the % floor. Lou and Eddie are among the shooters. Banner stands % resolved, crossing his arms. % % Fat Tony: [waving a stack of bills under Banner's nose] How do you <0:18> % know you don't like bribes, if you've never taken one? % Here. [gives money to Rex] % Banner: [weighs it in his hand like a scale; dryly] Say. This is % nice... [suddenly firm; throws money at FT] No! No bribes! % Fat Tony: Okay, you win. From now on, we'll stick to smuggling % heroin... % Banner: [arms crossed; firmly] See that you do. Springfield Shopper w/Banner on front, "Banner Bars Booze" headline. ~~ Homer & Bart escape in the car (w/Li'l Lugger) through the cemetary. They pull back onto the road. % A beaten up Simpsons car pulls into the driveway, towing Li'l % Lugger. An iron pole sticks out of the grill. Marge walks out to see % what's up. % <0:14> % Marge: What HAPPENED to you, Homer? And, what have you done to the % car? % Homer: [getting out; annoyed] Nothin'. % Marge: I don't think it had broken axles _before_. % Homer: "Before, before." You're living in the past, Marge. Quit % living in the past! Establish shot of house. ! I raise my hand to complain again; great scene/line cut. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:06> (0:18) 6:19 / 6:37 Moe: Look find it, buy it make it, I don't care. Just get me some booze, and fast. [closes cellar doors] Homer: [thinking] Make it, eh? % Outside "Houseware Warehouse" store. A banner reads "Your Super % Super-Store Store!" Inside, Homer stands at a counter marked % "BATHROOMS". Toilet seats hang on the wall. <0:06> % % Homer: Forty-two bathtubs, please... % Clerk: [friendly] You know, there are 50 for $3000 today. % Homer: [irritated] I said "forty-two!" Establish shot Simpsons house; night. ==[ 4F09 ]====================================== Grade School Confidental === CUTS: 40 seconds GAINED: 78 seconds 20:08 / 21:26 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:14> (0:18) 5:05 / 5:23 Bart: Hey. Houdini. Why don't you saw Martin in half? Mathemagician: Ho, I'm not the kind of magician who does ... I'm a MATHemagician! Bart & kids: Oh, man... % Mathemagician: Now prepare to marvel at the mysteries of the % universe, as I make this remainder... [dramatic] <0:14> % disappear! Heh... [writes on chalkboard] % Lisa: But seven goes into twenty-eight times. % Mathemagician: Uh, this is a seven. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:26> (0:43) 6:10 / 6:53 <0:02> % The first two seconds of Skinner and Edna eating is cut. Skinner: Mmmm, this dessert is exquisite... ~~ Skinner: There’s Ralph, he knows the score. % Jimbo, [chuckling] how’s that hat today? % [Jimbo and Kearny walk by] <0:03> % Janey, Janey bo-faney. % [Janey walks by; then runs away scared] ~~ Bart: [sleepy] What's going on? Skinner: Just enjoy the movie. It has Tom Berringer. % Edna and Skinner smile and hold hands. % <0:13> % Chalmers: Do you think they actually filmed this in Atlanta? % Bart: [exhausted] I don’t know, I don’t think it’s important. % Chalmers: Yeah. ~~ Bart: Oh, can’t I just turn the page for you? Agnes: [slaps his hand] No! % But you can pick out any picture you want to take home with % you. % Bart: Okay, that one. <0:08> % Agnes: No! [slaps his hand] % Bart: Ow! % Agnes: You can’t have that one! That’s a coconut cake. ~~~~~ ACT III <---> (0:17) 8:53 / 9:10 ==[ 4F16 ]============================================ The Canine Mutiny === CUTS: 0 seconds GAINED: 29 seconds 19:59 / 20:28 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:09) 8:26 / 8:35 * Compression starts after Bart seals the credit card application letter ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:08) 5:11 / 5:19 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:12) 6:22 / 6:34 ==[ 4F17 ]===================================== The Old Man and The Lisa === CUTS: 42 seconds GAINED: 79 seconds 20:04 / 21:23 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:42> (0:52) 6:12 / 7:04 Smithers: Can't go wrong with congreaves. <0:02> % Burns' lawyers clear their throats as he walks away. ~~ Burns: Smithers, take out another mortgage on the plant. Smithers: Well, the bank has already foreclosed on the plant... and your house, sir. Burns: But, what will I do? % Smithers: Well... the first thing you'll have to do is move out of % the bank's house. I'll help you pack. <0:12> % Burns: [weakly] Oh.... % % Smithers takes his hand, and helps him up. They slowly walk past % the lawyers to the door. The "for sale" sign is seen. ~~ Agent: And you wouldn't even be the only wrestler in the neighborhood. The Shrieking Sheik lives just three doors away. <0:00> ! Shiek: [shrieking] Hitman: [looking around] Hey hey! I'll take it! % Burns and Smithers walk up to a Burns portrait. He sadly takes it % off the wall. % % Burns: [timid] Uh, would it be all right if I kept this portrait % --to remind me of better times? % Hitman: [spitting as he speaks] Why would I want a picture of a % PPP--itiful, PPP--encilneck geek? <0:30> % Burns: [to himself] Yeah. Why, indeed. % % Burns leans the portrait against the front door. He and Smithers % look at each other, and walk out. % % Smithers: I'll make sure he forwards your Social Security check sir. % Burns: [joyless] Ah. Excellent. % % END OF ACT ! The Shrieking Shiek only "shrieks" in the synd version. In the full ! version, he is silent while Hitman looks around. ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:12) 6:11 / 6:23 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:15) 7:41 / 7:56 ==[ 4F18 ]============================================ In Marge We Trust === CUTS: 45 seconds GAINED: 85 seconds 19:58 / 21:23 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:12) 7:06 / 7:18 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:45> (1:07) 8:45 / 9:52 Marge: Homer, will you get that crazy box off the table? It came from the _dump_. Homer: But, Marge, I'm obsessed with it. Where did it come from? <0:02> % What is it a box of? How'd my face get on it? ~~ At the library, Homer puts on his reading glasses, and dials... After slowly dialing 5 digits, <0:20> % he carefully dials 14 more digits. Establish: Mr. Sparkle factory, Hokkaido, Japan. <0:05> % Inside, we see the soap chute pouring piles of detergent onto a % conveyor belt. Several men mark clipboards. The detergent pours into boxes. A phone rings, and a man answers. ~~ Lisa: It's a video tape. Homer: Put it in! Put it in! [She does] <0:04> % A Japanese businessman relaxes in a swimming pool, with a cigar. % % Man: [relaxed] Ahhh... [notices camera; embarrassed] Oh... Haro, America investor. I see you are interested in distributing Mr. Sparkle in your home prefacture. You have chosen wisely. But prease--don't bereave me. Observe this coma-shiro. <0:01> % A Japanese woman loads her dishwasher, and picks up the box. She blows a whistle. ~~ Homer: Come on, kids. Let's go home. Bart: We _are_ home. Homer: That was fast. [He sits] % Marge sits at a desk, talking to Captain McCallister. % <0:13> % Marge: You've just got to accept it. Your Gameboy is gone. % It's at the bottom of the ocean. % McCallister: Aye, aye. Aye. [Gets up, sniffles; walks away, wiping a % tear] The telephone rings. ! The telephone ringing overlaps the shot of Homer sitting, in synd. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:06) 4:07 / 4:13 ==[ 4F19 ]================================================ Homer's Enemy === CUTS: 71 seconds GAINED: 106 seconds 19:36 / 21:22 Full 3F23 opening ! The original had a short opening; the synd version recycles the ! full opening from 3F23. This results in over a minute of cuts. ~~~~~ ACT I <0:27> (0:39) 8:14 / 8:53 Homer takes two more bites of Grimey's sandwich, and tosses it back in the bag. Disgusted, Grimey throws his lunch in the trash. % Grimes turns to walk away. Homer starts humming, and pushes his % chair toward the trash can--reaching for the lunch. Grimes looks % over his shoulder, and Homer freezes. He walks away again, and Homer % hums reaching for the bag. Frank looks again, and Homer plays stupid % again. % % Cut to close up of two "Frank Grimes" pencils sitting on a desk, % with teeth marks all over them. <0:19> % % Grimes: [disgusted] Uh... Oh... % % He picks them up, walks out door, and into Homer's office. % % Grimes: Simpson, do you know who chewed my-- % % Reveal Homer propping his feet up at his station, with Grimey's % pencils stuck in his shoes, pants, shirt pocket and mouth. He cleans % his ear with one of them. Irritated, Grimey groans and storms out. Establish shot of 35 Industry Way... (the factory) ~~ Grimes: I'm not your buddy, Simpson. I don't like you. In fact, I hate you. Stay the hell away from me, because from now on, we're enemies. [turns to walk away] <0:08> % Homer: [dejected] Okay... Do I have to do anything? % Grimes: Oh! [door slams behind him as he walks out] ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:13) 7:10 / 7:23 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:44> (0:54) 4:12 / 5:06 Homer: Marge, do we have any elbow macaroni and glue-on sparkles? % Supervised by Bart, Milhouse grunts as he smashes a furnace with a % baseball bat. Bart checks his watch, then pulls the string for the % quitting whistle. % % Milhouse: Oh, boy! Quitting time! [gets his coat, ready to leave] % Bart: Just a minute, Van Houten. Somebody needs to guard this % place tonight so it doesn't get trashed. [producing knight % stick & hat] How'd you like to be night watchman? <0:44> % Milhouse: But, I'm sleepy. % Bart: [giving him his uniform] Ah, no problemo. Here's a nickel % for the coffee machine. [leaves] % % Milhouse dejectedly walks to machine. He puts the nickel in, a % buzzer sounds, and a rat falls into his cup. The rat leaves, as % coffee fills the cup. He slurps the coffee, and twirls the knight % stick. % % Milhouse: So, this is my life. At least I've done better than Dad. Bart whistles, as he walks down the sidewalk toward the factory. ==[ 4F20 ]==================================== Simpsons Spinoff Showcase === CUTS: 82 seconds GAINED: 116 seconds 20:20 / 22:16 Original special opening ! Many, many small cuts. These are where I earn my money... [aside, ! to Brian Peterson] What do you _mean_ I don't get paid? Anyway, ! the ep still runs long, even after over 80 seconds of cuts. ~~~~~ ACT I <0:22> (0:34) 7:58 / 8:32 After the credits of "Chief Wiggum, P.I." introduce Ralph, <0:03> % Chief Wiggum & Skinner are seen climbing some stairs, and opening % the door. Chief Wiggum: [looking around} Ah, New Orleans. ~~ Skinner comes into the Chief's bedroom, grabs the alligator, and wrestles it to the ground. <0:03> % As a worried Wiggum watches, Skinner raises the alligator's head, % and drops it to the floor again. Skinner punches the gator several times. ~~ The phone rings. Wiggum: [answering] Who is this? <0:03> % Skinner: [whispering] It's me, Chief. I'm on the other extension. Big Daddy: Now you listen up, mon ami, and you listen good, hyah? ~~ Wiggum & Skinner gain on Daddy's airboat. Daddy's airboat flies by, as does Wiggum's. % Daddy's boat is seen from the side. Wiggum pulls up next to it on % the far side, and leans toward it. <0:09> % % Wiggum: [distorted by fan] Hang on, son. I'm coming to--[tongue gets % caught in fan blades] Ow! Ow. Geez, my tongue. Wiggum comes from behind Daddy's boat, and pulls up on the near side of it. A man in a red jumpsuit grabs a knife. ~~ Skinner: He's gradually getting away, Chief... Wiggum: Aw, let him go. I have a feeling we'll meet again, each and every week-- <0:04> % always in more sexy, and exciting ways. Ralph: Daddy, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:36> (0:45) 6:00 / 6:45 After Moe plugs Grampa into the bathroom wall... Grampa: [as the love tester] This is not the evening I envisioned. % Moe: [peeking out bathroom door; frantic] Whoa, she just got % here. [grabs & jiggles the love tester joystick] Gimme some % advice! Quick! <0:18> % Grampa: [as love tester; unprepared] Well--ah--pt-- you know, just % be sweet... pour on the honey, you know... % Moe: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Romantic. Ah, ain't sunshine pretty? % [combs hair] Ain't flowers stupid? I gotcha. [walks out] % Grampa: [sighs] I've suffered so long. Why can't I die? Moe: You know what's great about you, Betty, is you're letting your looks go gracefully. ~~ Betty/Moe: [laughing] Thanks, Grampa. % Grampa: Yeah, yeah. Now, how's about introducing me to that cute <0:14> % little payphone out front? % Betty/Moe: [laughing] % Moe: He's haunted. [laughs] Betty/Moe: [continue to laugh] ~~ <0:04> % Four seconds of the end music are faded out early. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:24> (0:37) 6:22 / 6:59 Tim Conway: [as skunk] Oh, was it something I said? % "Laugh-In" fanfare plays. <0:06> % % Capt. McCallister: [peeking out of porthole] D'ahrr, someone should % be _keelhauled_ for that one. [foghorn sounds] Judge Snyder: I move that the last sketch be stricken from the record. ~~ After Smithers' "Whip It", and Selma's bubble gum bursts, % move to Homer and Marge--on stage. The kids jump in, and join. <0:05> % % Simpsons: [singing; dancing] We want candy. [dance; walk down steps, singing] We want candy. [the whole cast joins] Candy! Everyone pants heavily, exhausted as they hold the final pose. Maggie topples. % Hans Moleman: [holding flower] A poem--by Hans Moleman. % I think that I shall never see/ <0:11> % My cataracts are blinding me. % % The flower wilts, to a slide whistle sound effect. Tim Conway: [as skunk] And they thought _I_ stunk. <0:02> % Captain McCallister peeks out the porthole, blowing his pipe, a'la % Popeye. The family lies in bed together. ! So, the presentation of "Candy" stinks (according to Mr. Conway) in ! syndication, instead of Hans' poem. (Maybe because the music was ! compressed?) ;) ==[ 4F21 ]================================ The Secret War of Lisa Simpson === CUTS: 53 seconds GAINED: 85 seconds 19:58 / 21:23 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:09) 7:40 / 7:49 * Compression starts with the Moon of Earth movie. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:53> (1:03) 5:46 / 6:49 % After not getting a response from home, Lisa calls Grampa. % % The phone at the retirement home rings. % % Nurse: Simpson? % Grampa: Hot Diggity! I don’t care if it’s bad news. % Lisa: Oh, Grampa, you’re not busy, are you? % Grampa: Well, you’re really asking two questions there. The first one % takes me back to 1934. Admiral Byrd had just reached the % pole, only hours ahead of The Three Stooges. <0:53> % [some time passes] % Grampa: And I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the % turnips. The following morning I resigned my commission in % the coast guard. The next thing I heard--there was civil war % in Spain! [more time passes] % Grampa: [exhausted] And... that’s everything that happened in my life % right up to the time I got this phone call. % Lisa: Uh-huh, so anything else you want to talk about? % Grampa: [mumbling] oh, sheesh-- I’m afraid I’d just been repeating % myself honey. Uh, anyway, other people need to use the phone. % [he motions for them to come over, but they all shake their % heads no] % Jasper: I’ve already talked to her for twenty damn minutes. Lisa hangs up the phone and walks away. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:13) 6:32 / 6:45 ==[ ---- ]===================================================================