The Simpsons Archive's Simpsons Syndication Cuts Guide Season Six (1994-1995) "Syndication... is there anything they can't do?" Version 2.25 - 07 Apr 2001 Maintained by Chad Lehman With significant contributions from Tim Reardon Created by Frederic Briere [============================[Season Six Summary]===========================] Story cut episodes: All episodes except 2F08, 2F13, 2F32. Compressed episodes: All episodes are compressed. Story time cut: 13:45 (13 min 45 sec) Total time gained: 27:49 (27 min 49 sec) ==[ 1F22 ]============================================== Bart of Darkness === CUTS: 32 seconds GAINED: 90 seconds 19:55 / 21:25 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:16> (0:31) 5:09 / 5:40 Man 1: Ice cream! Ice cream! Fresh out of ice cream! % Bart+Lisa: [moan] % [another ice-cream-truck music can be heard] % Man 2: [driving past in his truck] <16> % Chili! Red-hot Texas-style chili! And we got gingerale: % boiling-hot Texas-style gingerale! Texas! % Bart: Ew! Lisa: Aw, face it Bart. Our salvation [...] ~~ # Don Del Grande noted that the commercial featured a # "Canwehaveapooldad? Canwehaveapooldad?", "NOOOOOOO!!!" in the car, # "apparently on the way to/from a funeral (it didn't appear to be # taken directly from `Selma's Choice' and redubbed); it may have been # a `rake scene' nipped in the bud." ~~~~~ ACT II <0:16> (0:38) 7:42 / 8:20 ! At the very start... % Bart is rushed through the hospital hall to the emergency room, where % is gets packed with everybody else. % % Nurse: Get this kid a magazine. % [slowly takes a puff from her cigarette] <16> % Stat! % % Later, in Dr. Hibbert's office: % % Hibbert: [looks at the x-rays for a second] I'm sorry, that leg's gonna have to come off. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:20) 7:05 / 7:25 ==[ 1F17 ]================================================== Lisa's Rival === CUTS: 36 seconds GAINED: 92 seconds 19:54 / 21:26 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:09> (0:29) 6:58 / 7:27 Lisa: Fine, I'll play outside % [the sound of Lisa's saxophone can be heard outside] % Ned: Hey, what -- that sounds like Gabriel's trumpet. You know <09> % what that means, kids? % Rod+Todd: Yay! Judgment Day! ~~~~~ ACT II <0:27> (0:41) 4:56 / 5:37 Marge: Honey, if you get too competitive, you'll never be happy. No matter how good you are, there's always going to be someone better than you. % I always thought I had the tallest hair, but that trip to <05> % Graceland really opened my eyes. ~~ Marge: Believe me, honey, she's more scared of you than you are of her. Lisa: [sullen] You're thinking of bears, Mom. Marge: Mmm... % Homer goes door-to-door trying to sell his sugar. % % Homer: [ringing doorbell] Sugar man! % [eats some from the bag] Mmmm... % Skinner: [answering the door] Door-to-door sugar? [chuckles] What a <22> % marvelous idea. % [Skinner's mother calls] % What's that mother? ... I'm just talking to the sugar man! % ... Mother, I'm a big boy, I can do as I wish! % [to Homer] Excuse me. [slams door] % [opens door] Thanks a lot, Simpson, now I'm grounded! ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:22) 8:00 / 8:22 ==[ 2F33 ]==================================== Another Simpsons Clip Show === CUTS: 40 seconds GAINED: 75 seconds 19:58 / 21:13 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:11> (0:25) 7:42 / 8:07 Homer: Mmm... chocolate... [9F17] Mmm... invisible cola... [1F03] Mmm... forbidden donut... [1F04] % Mmm... sacrilicious... [1F14] % Mmm... snouts... [8F17] <0:10> % Mmm... free goo... [1F06] % Mmm... something... ~~~~~ ACT II <0:29> (0:41) 6:41 / 7:22 Mindy: [seductive] No, Homer, let's do it. [joyous] Let's call room service! Homer: Oh... % The Room Service Alarm goes off in Burns' office. % % Smithers: Someone is charging room service to the company, sir. % Burns: Well, we'll just see about that. % [walks over to a cage full of monkeys with wings] % Fly, my pretties, fly! % [they walk to the window and plummet to their deaths] % [sighs] Continue the research. % % The "Welcome National Energy Convention" sign flashes briefly, but <0:29> % then burns out. % % Homer and Mindy sit at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant booth. % Behind them, the booth's display proudly advertises, "As Seen on 60 % Minutes". Mindy files her nails. % % Man 1: Thanks for poisoning the planet, bastard! % Mindy: Get bent! % Man 2: No more Chernobyl! % Homer: Go to hell! [tosses him a brick] ! The cut of the monkeys scene makes sense, as it was cut in 1F07 as ! well. I'm not saying I'm happy with it though... ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:09) 5:35 / 5:44 ==[ 2F01 ]======================================= Itchy and Scratchy Land === CUTS: 55 seconds GAINED: 90 seconds 19:50 / 21:20 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:41> (0:52) 6:11 / 7:03 Once the car has passed the traffic jams and is quietly riding the Interstate, Bart and Lisa are staring at the car's ceiling in boredom. % Suddenly, they gasp as the car drives by a sign announcing a % Flickey's at 680 miles. They keep staring in awe through the window % as the figures keep dropping: 416 miles, 277 miles, 42 miles... % Bart takes a stab at it: "Dad, can we stop at Flickey's?" The answer % is a firm and brief "No". The kids give a last chagrined look at % Flickey's, after which a sign announces another outlet at 25,000 % miles. % % Homer stops the car at a fruit and vegetables checkpoint. % <41> % Homer: [nervously] Oh my God... what'll I do, what'll I do? % Marge: What's the matter with you, Homer? We don't have any fruits or % vegetables in the car. % Homer: [panicking] The whole trunk's full of 'em, Marge! % [holds a pamphlet: "Smuggled Vegetables: The E-Z Road to % success?"] % Teen: [approaching car] Got any fruits or vegetables? % Homer: [panicking sounds turn to screams] % [floors it and drives away, crashing through the barrier] % [various vegetables fall from the trunk all over the road] % Teen: Hey! Mr. Wembley, it happened again... ~~~~~ ACT II <0:14> (0:32) 10:07 /10:39 While Homer and Marge enjoy New Year's Eve at T.G.I. McScratchy's Goodtime Foodrinkery... % At Itchy's Mine Field (presented by Laramie Cigarettes) Bart and Lisa % run through a barren field and purposely step on mines, which explode <14> % and toss the children into the air. They exit, laughing, as a man in % a Scratchy costume waves at them. As an afterthought, Bart runs back % and kicks the man in the shin, and he yells. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:06) 3:32 / 3:38 ==[ 2F02 ]========================================== Sideshow Bob Roberts === CUTS: 45 seconds GAINED: 80 seconds 20:05 / 21:25 1F01 couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:11) 6:18 / 6:29 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:45> (0:56) 6:09 / 7:05 Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney take "Mummy" Milhouse to his "mystical journey". % Back at the Springfield Retirement Castle, Sideshow Bob pays a visit % to the elderly. % % Abe: That Quimby fella promised to build us a Matlooock Expressway. % How you gonna top that, smart guy? % Bob: Hmm. Well, how's this? I'll not only build the expressway, I % will spend the remainder of this afternoon patiently listening <45> % to your interminable anecdotes. % Abe: Hot-diggity-damn! Me fiiiirst! % [everybody gather around Bob, grinning] % Not many people know, I owned the first radio in Springfield. % Weren't much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet % over and over. "Aaaaa" he'd say. Then "B". "C" would usually % follow... % Bob: [groans] {del_gran@ix.netcom.com (Don Del Grande)} {also mentioned in the capsule by Ricardo Lafaurie} ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:13) 7:38 / 7:51 ==[ 2F03 ]======================================== Treehouse of Horror V === CUTS: 50 seconds GAINED: 89 seconds 20:23 / 21:52 Opening edited as follows ! At the urging of the webmaster, after several swift blackjack blows ! to the skull, I have revised this particular episode to include ! the following (cut from the opening sequence) as a syndication cut. ! I haven't counted other shortened opening sequences as syndication ! cuts when in fact they may be, under the guidelines used for this ! episode. Sit back & enjoy ;) Note that the times for acts I-III ! are 19:18/20:07 ~~~~~ OPENING <0:39> (0:40) 1:05 / 1:45 The picture shuts off like a television being unplugged. The % little white dot remaining at the center expands into a green line % which becomes modulated with Bart's voice like an oscilloscope % trace. % % An eerie piano chord plays. The picture shows a green line. % % Bart: There's nothing wrong with your television set. Do not % attempt to adjust your picture. _We_ are controlling the % transmission. <0:39> % Homer: What's that, boy? We're in control? Hey, look! I can see % my voice! [laughs] Brrr...hee! Heeee! [changing pitches] % Blub blub blub blub blub! Thiiis...iiis my voice...on % teeeveeeee -- % Bart: Dad! You're ruining the mood. % Homer: Sorry. % Bart: For the next half-hour, _we_ will control what you see and % hear. You are about to experience the terror and foul horror % of...The Simpsons Hallowe'en Special. % [green line turns into outline of five family members] Lightning strikes as the show title appears and the camera swoops. ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:13) 6:56 / 7:09 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:11> (0:25) 6:37 / 7:02 Homer gets chased by dogs. % Homer: Oh no, they're gaining on me! Wait... I have an idea! <0:11> % [reaches into sweater, pulls out a string of wieners] % These will give me the quick energy I need to % escape! [eats them, pours on speed] ! Without a doubt the single, funniest line from the whole episode- ! and it was hacked. Damn you, Walt-freakin'-Whitman! 'Leaves of ! Syndication,' my ass! [cl] ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:11) 5:45 / 5:56 ! Actually, if you wish to count the whole end credits into ACT III, ! the times are 6:29 and 6:42 respectively, giving a total of 13 ! seconds saved by compression in syndication for Act III ==[ 2F04 ]============================================= Bart's Girlfriend === CUTS: 34 seconds GAINED: 61 seconds 19:56 / 20:57 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:12) 6:49 / 7:01 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:34> (0:49) 8:01 / 8:50 ! The first scene of the act: % Bart grooms himself for his big dinner date. His parents watch % proudly at the bathroom door. % % Homer: I can't believe my little boy is already going on his first % date. % [sings] Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset... <33> % Cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon... % Yes, we have no bananas... [weeps] % Marge: Oh, that's sweet Homer. Our son _is_ growing up, isn't he? % Homer: No, it's not that. Didn't you hear? They have no bananas! % They have no bananas today... [walks off crying] % % The next shot of the Lovejoy's house is shortened by a second. ~~ # Andrew Mutchler reports: # And in the ads for last Sunday's "Lovejoy's Little Devil", they # showed a "lost" clip of Bart trying to say grace at the Lovejoys' # house: "Now I lay me down to... eat..." ~~ $ Ricardo Lafaurie reports: $ Second airing cuts (it was there in the third airing) everything $ after Homer says "Probably misses his old glasses" in that scene. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 5:06 / 5:06 * Why didn't they compress this act and cut less in act 2? You tell me. ==[ 2F05 ]=================================================== Lisa On Ice === CUTS: 25 seconds GAINED: 62 seconds 20:02 / 21:04 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:01> (0:13) 6:58 / 7:11 % Shot of OFF in the car shortened by a second, just before Homer speaks. % % <0:01> ~~~~~ ACT II <0:07> (0:21) 7:18 / 7:39 Marge: Don't have a stereotypical view of me just because I'm your mother. I know: how about we play the basketball? I'm no Harvey Globetrotter, but... Bart: [moans] % [outside, Marge dribbles with two hands] % Marge: Watch out for the Shaq attaq! % [throws the ball at Bart's face] % Bart: Ow! % Marge: I told you to watch out... % % <0:07> {marked in the capsule by Ricardo Lafaurie} ~~~~~ ACT III <0:17> (0:28) 5:46 / 6:14 Wiggum: I'll take that as a yes. [turns the key, lets them out] % At school, Sherri and Terri chant while playing jump rope. % % Both: At seven tonight the games begin, % Bart vs. Lisa: who will win? % Their father's fat and their mother's thin, % And Grampa Simpson reeks of gin! % Abe: Hey! [sniffs himself] That's "Obsession For Men". % % <0:17> {marked in the capsule by Ricardo Lafaurie} ==[ 2F06 ]================================================= Homer Bad Man === CUTS: 45 seconds GAINED: 76 seconds 19:49 / 21:05 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:24> (0:30) 6:08 / 6:38 Frink: Where the hell's the candy? Homer: [face grossly contorted] I dunno... % Homer walks up to another booth. % % Man: Hey, sir! Try our wax lips: the candy of 1000 uses. % Homer: [skeptical] Like what? % Man: One, a humorous substitute for your own lips. % Homer: Mm-hmm, keep going. <0:24> % Man: Two, uh... Ooh, I'm needed in the basement! % % The man walks back and forth, gradually disappearing from sight as he % walks down the "stairs". At the bottom, he peeps over the counter, % sees Homer still there, and ducks quickly. "Hmm" says Homer, emptying % a bowl of wax lips into his pants and walking away. ! Don Del Grande remarks that you still see ! Maggie "wearing" them later at home. ~~ * Compression starts right after this cut. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:16> (0:32) 8:52 / 9:24 Newsman: Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers. Homer: Hey -- that's a half-truth! [uses remote] % [channel changes to Sally Jesse Raphael] % Woman: [weeping] I don't know Homer Simpson, I've never met Homer % Simpson, or had any contact with him, but... [cries <0:16> % uncontrollably] I'm sorry, I... I can't go on. % Sally: That's OK: your tears say more than real evidence % could. [channel flips again] TV: Today on Ben: mothers and runaway daughters reunited by their hatred of Homer Simpson. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:05> (0:14) 4:49 / 5:03 Chespirito: Ay ay ay! Es Homer Simpson. Me ha molestado! Oh... % [the flower he was smelling wilts] <0:05> % Homer: Oh... I like it better when they're making fun of people % who me. [gasps] I know: "Evening At the Improv". They never talk about anything beyond the 1980s. ==[ 2F07 ]================================== Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy === CUTS: 29 seconds GAINED: 65 seconds 19:59 / 21:04 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:07> (0:20) 7:15 / 7:35 Marge: A book. Homer: [unexcited] Oh, all right. % The parents hear a clattering noise as Bart's baseball bat rolls and falls % off the roof. It is soon followed by another rattling sound, as Bart falls % off the roof with a yell. He runs to the door, and rings the doorbell. % % <0:07> ~~~~~ ACT II <0:22> (0:36) 7:36 / 8:12 Homer: Yeah! Where are my pants? Marge: You threw them out the window in a fit of passion. You said you were never going to need them again. % Outside, said pants are stuck in the Flanders' tree. % % Maude: Oh, hurry Neddie. They're awful! % Ned: [trying to dislodge them] You just be ready with that garbage bag! % % <0:05> {lee@g2.rmc.ca (Haynes Lee)} ~~ Milhouse sets up tent in the yard as his parents' shadows kiss and close the drapes. % Dr. Hibbert has some qualms about the new tonic. He reveals his fears to % his seductively-dressed wife who lies on their bed. % % Hibbert: I've discovered that the rejuvenating effect people feel is % actually a mild form of poisoning -- no doubt a result of the % unsanitary conditions in Grampa Simpson's bathtub. Nonetheless... % [drinks some] Ah. [chuckles] % <0:17> ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:09) 5:08 / 5:17 ==[ 2F08 ]================================================ Fear of Flying === GAINED: 11 seconds 19:45 / 19:56 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ! Note that even in original version, this episode had the length of an ! average syndicated episode. One could wonder why they even bothered ! shortening it... ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (----) 8:34 / 8:34 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (----) 4:57 / 4:57 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:01> (0:11) 6:14 / 6:25 <01> % The act starts a slight second later. Go figure. ==[ 2F09 ]=============================================== Homer the Great === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 69 seconds 19:55 / 21:04 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:16) 8:48 / 9:04 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:43> (0:53) 4:50 / 5:43 Carl & Lenny hand Homer his Stonecutter membership pack. % At home, Homer reads to Lisa from the "Secret World History". % % Lisa: I _still_ don't believe all the founding fathers were % Stonecutters. % Homer: That's because you trust your stupid schoolbooks. Here's % what _really_ happened at the signing of the Declaration % of Independence. % [flash to signing] % Washington: And a nation is born. % Now let us party like 'twas 1799! % [small kegs are rolled in; two men chug] <44> % Everyone: [chanting] Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! % [someone throws a keg through the window] % [a man lights a match, blows beer at it] % [it makes a flamethrower and burns another man's wig] % [Washington keeps bashing everything with chairs] % Owner: Please, sir! You're destroying my establishment. % Man: We just created the greatest democracy on earth, you % low-life commoner! [kicks him] % Homer: [in the present] You want to see how Davy Crockett % _really_ died at the Alamo? You must be eighteen... ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 6:17 / 6:17 ==[ 2F10 ]======================================== And Maggie Makes Three === CUTS: 35 seconds GAINED: 71 seconds 19:52 / 21:03 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:13> (0:26) 7:25 / 7:51 Homer: It all began about two years ago, before Maggie was even born. % Bart, you were Lisa's age and Lisa, you were... the age Bart % was several years ago. <13> % Bart: Get the camera ready, [yawning] Bart very sleepy... % Homer: Listen carefully, and my words will shape images as clear as % any TV show. It was a tumultuous time for our nation: [...] {marked in the capsule by Ricardo Lafaurie} ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:12) 6:20 / 6:32 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:22> (0:33) 6:07 / 6:40 Homer stares back at the Bowlarama, listening to the sounds of the bowling alley one last time, <03> % then stares down for a while. ~~ At the Springfield Memorial hospital, % Mayor Quimby holds a newborn % child in his arms while the mother (a young woman) rests. % % Quimby: This is incredible. It's God's most wondrous miracle. % Nurse: Sir, I think your wife wants to hold the baby. <19> % Quimby: My wife? Where? Where?! [runs off in a panic] % % Doctor: Congratulations, it's a boy! [takes a polaroid] % McAllister: Argh. [holding his baby by the feet] You're truly the % catch of the day. Homer: [nonplussed] It's wonderful, it's magical, oh boy, here it comes, another mouth. {marked in the capsule by Ricardo Lafaurie} ==[ 2F11 ]================================================== Bart's Comet === CUTS: 40 seconds GAINED: 72 seconds 19:51 / 21:03 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:19> (0:27) 6:11 / 6:38 * Compression starts after the army's self-destruct demonstration. ~~ Radio: But of course there is no news yet, everybody's still asleep in their comfy, comfy beds. Good night everybody. Bart: [groans] Oh... % [walks to his parents' room] % Mom, will you make me breakfast? % Marge: [mostly asleep] There's a stuffed pepper in the trash from % last night. Just rinse it good. <0:18> % [downstairs, the pets watch TV] % TV: Come home, Lassie. Here, boy! Come on, girl. Attaboy! % % Seeing Bart coming down the stairs, the pets quickly turn the TV off % and pretend to sleep. Bart walks before them, <0:01> % and they open their eyes when he's gone. {del_gran@ix.netcom.com (Don Del Grande)} ~~~~~ ACT II <0:21> (0:30) 5:30 / 6:00 The family is eating at home, with the usual munching and gulping. % Homer: And then I sped away without anyone seeing my license plate. % Lisa: Sounds like you had a good day today, Dad. <0:09> % Homer: Yeah... except I forgot to go to work. % [everyone looks at him silently] Marge: What did you do today, Bart? Bart: What didn't I do? {del_gran@ix.netcom.com (Don Del Grande)} ~~ ! Parts indicated with ($) were reported by Ricardo Lafaurie ! as missing from the second FOX airing. Homer: Well, then I have a backup plan. See, while the unprepared are still sitting around, twiddling their thumbs, and going -- [twiddles his thumbs, hums a goofy tune] % Bart: Dad! The plan. <0:12> % Homer: I'm getting to that! So anyway, they're going -- [twiddles his % thumbs more, hums more] Bart: Dad! Homer: So anyway, we get in the car and take the bridge out of town, $ all the while they're still going -- [twiddles his thumbs and $ hums again] ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:15) 8:10 / 8:25 ==[ 2F12 ]=============================================== Homer the Clown === CUTS: 30 seconds GAINED: 66 seconds 19:57 / 21:03 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:30> (0:43) 7:13 / 7:56 Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! [runs away] Bart: I don't think any of us expected him to say that. % The next morning, Marge dresses Homer in a grey suit. % % Homer: Hurry up! It's my first day of clown college. % Marge: Hold still, Homer. Don't squirm! % Homer: [squirming] I holding still. I squirming. % Bart: Dad, you can't just go around pretending to be Krusty, it's <0:30> % sacrilege. He's a one and only. I mean, he invented the pie % fight, the pratfall, and the seltzer bottle. As far as I know. % Lisa: Yeah, Dad, it was bad enough when you tried to pass yourself % off as Tom Bosley, but Krusty... % Homer: You weren't complaining when I got you this close to Chachi. % [pause] % Bart: [looks at Lisa] What's a Chachi? ! Note that Bart's "Wow, I'm sorry I doubted you before, Dad." line ! makes less sense without this scene. ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:12) 6:38 / 6:50 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:11) 6:06 / 6:17 ==[ 2F13 ]============================================ Bart vs. Australia === CUTS: 3 seconds GAINED: 42 seconds 20:01 / 20:43 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:01> (0:15) 6:59 / 7:14 % The view of the Latin-American president's mansion is cut for a <0:01> % measily second. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:02> (0:15) 6:50 / 7:05 <0:02> % The act ends 2 seconds sooner. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:12) 6:12 / 6:24 ==[ 2F14 ]===================================== Homer vs. Patty and Selma === CUTS: 24 seconds GAINED: 60 seconds 20:02 / 21:02 No blackboard, 1F01 couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:13) 7:11 / 7:24 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:09) 5:07 / 5:16 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:24> (0:38) 7:44 / 8:22 Lisa: That spiky-haired masked dancer is really something; I wonder who he is? Jimbo: He's graceful, yet masculine. So it's okay for me to enjoy this. % Nelson: [philosophically] This reminds me of the movie "Fame", and to <08> % a lesser extent, the TV series, which was also called "Fame". ~~ Jimbo: Looks like he took a pretty bad spill. Nelson: [pokes him with a stick] Well, as long as he's hurt... [they walk away] % Lisa: Bart, I am so proud of you. You've showed a sensitive side of % yourself that can never be erased. From this day forward, we <16> % are kindred spirits. [kisses him, walks off] % Bart: Why'd she just leave me here when I clearly need medical % attention? ==[ 2F31 ]=============================================== A Star is Burns === CUTS: 47 seconds GAINED: 70 seconds 20:02 / 21:12 Original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:47> (0:58) 6:02 / 7:00 Marge: I think we should call a town meeting. If we don't do something soon, we won't get any tourists at all. % Bart: No tourists?! I'll be ruined! % [cut to Bart outside next to a sign waving a pamphlet] % Maps to movie stars' homes! % Mapas por las casas de la cineastas! % Toppu-sutaa no chizu mappu! % [some Japanese tourists take one] <23> % [cut to scene with them knocking on a door; Moe, in his % underwear, answers it] % Man: Excuse me, are you Drew Barrymore? % Moe: What? Get out of here, I'm hung over! % Woman: Sorry, Miss Barrymore. % Moe: What? ! I know this is rather out of place, but both "chizu" and "mappu" mean ! "map". I think Bart should've said "... no uchi mappu". ! ! Nevertheless, it's nice to see that they went as far as to use *real* ! Japanese -- how many foreign languages have they used so far? ~~ Patty and Selma propose to change "Springfield" to "Seinfeld". % Bart: I may be just a boy, but I have an idea. If I may, I'd like % to show you a few slides. % [a slide shows a closeup of someone's butt] % Here's Springfield as it appears from space. Somewhere in % this windy valley is the Lost Dutchman's Mine. % Quimby: Young man, that appears to be a picture of your rear end. <24> % Bart: So long, suckers! % [pulls screen cord, gets yanked up with it and wrapped % inside it] % Aw, this is the last time I use an escape plan devised by % Milhouse. % Milhouse: [wrapped inside other end] Uh, sorry Bart. ! If you listen closely, you can hear the traditional flashback harp ! sound for a brief moment after this cut, just before Marge's speak. ! ! Thanks to Ricardo Lafaurie for making me notice such tiny details! ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:05) 10:03 /10:08 ! The following is an audio glitch -- not a cut. It might be local (and ! I'd like to hear about it), but it's always present. [the doorbell rings] Marge: Oh, I invited my sisters over. Jay: Ooh, sisters. Allow me. [walks off to answer door] - [screams] ~~ * Act two is uncompressed from start to Barney's movie. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:07) 3:57 / 4:04 ! Yet another audio glitch (yikes!): Krusty: Me too. Now let's get going. I've got a date with Eudora Welty. - [a huge burp can be heard] Coming, Eudora! ! It does take away the whole joke, and makes Krusty's hair wiggling ! meaningless. ==[ 2F15 ]================================================ Lisa's Wedding === CUTS: 34 seconds GAINED: 69 seconds 19:54 / 21:03 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:12) 7:01 / 7:13 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:10> (0:18) 4:22 / 4:40 Principal Skinner walks down the hall and looks into Miss Hoover's classroom, where children sit in front of a TV screen, piled three high and crammed into desks. % Troy: [on TV] Now turn to the next problem. If you have three Pepsis % and drink one, how much more refreshed are you? You, the % redhead in the Chicago school system? <10> % [a window opens up on the screen to show the girl] % Girl: Pepsi? % Troy: Partial credit! {Haynes lee } ! Now, I know there's people yelling at each cut there is, but THIS was ! probably my most favorite scene of all. Never mind, let's just butcher it. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:24> (0:39) 8:31 / 9:10 Homer presents his pig cufflinks to Hugh. % Bart wears a headset and gloves and mimes playing pool. Another man, % also wearing a headset and gloves, mimes throwing a dart. He tosses % it, and Bart reels forward. "Ow! Hey, watch those virtual darts. I'm % trying to play virtual pool." He swings his virtual cue and hits the <16> % man; the man grabs a virtual chair and breaks it on Bart. The two % fight some more until Moe calls, "Hey, hey! No fighting in my bar," % and pushes a button which emits a high-pitched tone straight into % their ears. They writhe on the ground in pain. {Haynes lee } ~~ Hugh introduces his parents to Homer J. Simpson. % Patty and Selma walk into the tent past an older Ned and Maude. % <08> % Patty: Hey, Krabappel: you get in the way of that bouquet, I'll stuff % that sunhat down your neck. ==[ 2F18 ]==================================== Two Dozen & One Greyhounds === CUTS: 35 seconds GAINED: 72 seconds 19:55 / 21:06 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:14) 7:48 / 8:02 # One specific scene in the first act caused a lot of turmoil -- and # surprise -- when it aired in syndication. It seems that FOX censored # it prior to its airing, but too late for other stations to do the # same. It was intact on CFCF 12 (Montreal), and most probably on # Global as well. # # The first report came from Mr. Livingstone : # # It looked like instead of seeing SLH running when the cut was # made, extra footage was put in where you see him running, then # rising when running, then a zoom out to see him on top of STF # without moving his front legs. # # Aaron Varhola (avarhola@ix.netcom.com) added: # # Hmmm... I think you Canadians have looser morals police than us. # Actually, the scene showed even more than that in its pencil test # and original format. David Silverman showed the original # uncensored versions when he spoke in San Francisco on June 1. Fox # rejected three different cuts before they decided on the one shown # in the U.S. I think you got the original one or one of the closer # ones to the original. # # After everybody got the chance to witness this scene on syndication, # Don Del Grande commented: # # In the dog race, when SLH is catching up to She's the Fastest, # originally they just showed SLH running down the track and then # cut to Bart, Lisa and Marge in the stands - but in the syndicated # version, they showed SLH not only catching up to She's The # Fastest, but getting on top of her (well, they only showed the # heads, but clearly SLH was on top of STF). # # David Silverman showed this scene in his June 1, 1995 show in San # Francisco and mentioned that this scene was shown "by mistake" in # one of the foreign versions. ! BTW, I get my feed off CFCF 12, so the timings are related to the ! uncut version, and will most probably differ from yours. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:35> (0:44) 4:45 / 5:29 ! Right at the start of the act: % The puppies sit, assembled on the kitchen floor. % % Lisa: Wow, 25 puppies! % [Snowball II rubs her eyes, whimpers, and bats a ball of % catnip aside] % Bart: An army of dogs! No bully will ever touch me again. % [walks outside; sees Jimbo threatening Milhouse] <35> % Hey, jerkface! You have the face of a jerk! % Jimbo: [drops Milhouse, grabs Bart] All right, Simpson, you asked for % it. % Bart: Get him, boys! % [the puppies stumble and whimper towards Jimbo] % Bart: Heh. Say, er, Jimbo, heh, hope I wasn't out of line with that % "jerkface" crack, heh. % Jimbo: [pounds him] ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:13) 7:22 / 7:35 ==[ 2F19 ]============================================== The PTA Disbands === CUTS: 29 seconds GAINED: 67 seconds 19:56 / 21:03 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:19> (0:31) 6:28 / 6:59 Child: Hello? Mrs. Pommelhorst? I'd like to get down now! % In band practice, the children butcher "God Save the Queen." Database % observes, "Hey, now that -- now that Largo's gone, we, we can play <0:19> % the forbidden music." The children break into a quite reasonable- % sounding version of "Pop Goes the Weasel". Three quarters of the way % through, Largo pops his head in the door: "I heard that!" ! CC states the first song is "Pomp and Circumstance". Anybody has a ! clue about which one is right? ~~~~~ ACT II <0:10> (0:27) 9:05 / 9:32 Jimbo watches TV with his mother. % At the arcade, Dolph and Kearney play two video games at once. % % Dolph: All this free time... I never thought I'd get sick of "Razor <0:10> % Fight II: The Slashening" % Kearney: I probably should stop. My doctor says I have the wrists of % an 80-year-old. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:09) 4:23 / 4:32 ==[ 2F32 ]============================================ 'Round Springfield === GAINED: 10 seconds 20:04 / 20:14 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (----) 5:35 / 5:35 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (----) 9:16 / 9:16 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:10) 5:13 / 5:23 ==[ 2F21 ]==================================== The Springfield Connection === CUTS: 46 seconds GAINED: 68 seconds 19:56 / 21:04 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (----) 7:23 / 7:23 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:46> (0:59) 7:26 / 8:25 <0:02> % Two seconds of gulping and burping were cut at the start. ~~ Apu tries to bribe Marge, but Burns gets away with the money. % Later this day, Marge drives with sirens on to Skinner's house. She % is filmed by one of those "Cops" or "Highway Patrol" cameramen, with % "3:10 PM -- Disturbance call" on-screen. Skinner and his mother are % quarelling loudly when she enters. % % Marge: I got a report on a domestic disturbance at this address. % Seymour: Yes, indeed there is. There's an inflatable bath pillow that % Mother and I both enjoy. She claimed it was day to use % it, I maintained she was mistaken, we quarreled. Later, as I % prepared to bathe, I noticed --to my horror-- that <0:44> % [looking at his mother] had slashed the pillow. % Marge: Uh huh. Who called the police? % Both: We both did. % Marge: Look, why don't you two settle down? I'm sure you can get % another pillow. % Skinner: Well, I could send it back to Taiwan for repair, but why % should I have to? I've done nothing wrong! % [to cameraman] And I give permission for my face to % be on TV: I want it blurred! % [his face becomes blurred] {Haynes Lee } ! Yet again, this explained Skinner's mom's line at the hairdressing ! salon: "He said it was his day to use the tub pillow." ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:09) 5:07 / 5:16 ==[ 2F22 ]================================================= Lemon of Troy === CUTS: 32 seconds GAINED: 67 seconds 19:57 / 21:04 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:32> (0:45) 6:55 / 7:40 Marge's voice: This town is a part of us all. A part of us all. A part of us all. Bart: Wow, that *does* work. % [looks at his left] % [a baseball bounces in his direction] % [he picks it up and throws it back at the Isotope <09> % pitcher -- who's rather overweight] % Bart: Hey, gonna win some this season? % Pitcher: Gonna try. % [grunts as he throws the ball at about five feet] {Liam J. Scanlan. } ~~ Bart: That lemon tree's a part of our town; and as kids, the backbone of our economy. We'll get it back, or choke their rivers with our dead! % At home, Marge is vacuums the floor, and Homer -- drinking beer on % the couch -- is giving her a hand by lifting his feet. Bart, wearing % his backpack, rushes downstairs to the door. % % Marge: Where you going, Bart? % Bart: Mom, you won't believe this, but something you said the other <23> % day really got through to me. % Marge: [happily] Mmm! % Bart: [omnious] And now, I am going to teach some kids a lesson. % Marge: [happily] I choose to take that literally. % Bart: [shouting from outside] Death to Shelbyville! % Homer: Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Tute on, son! Tute on! {Liam J. Scanlan. } ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:10) 6:02 / 6:12 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:12) 7:00 / 7:12 ==[ 2F16 ]================================== Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One === CUTS: 39 seconds GAINED: 75 seconds 19:53 / 21:08 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:20> (0:30) 5:43 / 6:13 After a lot of exercise (and pinball too) % Burns and an exhausted Smithers take the elevator with some SNPP % workers. % % Burns: Hello Lenny, Carl, Guillermo. Hello, uh... % [Homer is wearing a named helmet and a name tag] % Uh... Oh... Um... Um... <0:20> % [the door opens; Smithers and Burns leave] % Lenny: Don't take it so hard, Homer. He's always screwing up % people's names. % Guillermo: [taking off his mask, which only left his eyes visible] % Yeah. At the picnic, he thought my son Renaldo was my son % Rolando. Can you believe that? ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:13) 7:27 / 7:40 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:19> (0:32) 6:43 / 7:15 Smithers: [crying] Mr. Burns was the closest thing I ever had to a... friend. But he fired me, and now I spend my days drinking cheap scotch and watching Comedy Central. Hibbert: Oh, dear God! % Smithers: Hmm, [drinks] not that bad. I never miss "Pardon My % Zinger". % [Ned wraps his sweater around him] % Willy: Burns cost me my groundskeeping job at the school. And I'm <0:19> % too superstitious to take the one at the cemetery. % Abe: Because of him, I lost my room, my things and my buddy's % collection of old sunbathing magazines. % Old man: You bastard. ! Of course, "Pardon My Zinger" is an important clue in 2F20... ==[ ---- ]===================================================================