The Simpsons Archive's Simpsons Syndication Cuts Guide Season Five (1993-1994) "Syndication... is there anything they can't do?" Version 2.25 - 07 Apr 2001 Maintained by Chad Lehman With significant contributions from Tim Reardon Created by Frederic Briere [===========================[Season Five Summary]===========================] Story cut episodes: All episodes have story cuts. Compressed episodes: 1F02, 1F04, 1F05, 1F11, 1F12, 1F13, 1F16, 1F18. Added content: 1F03. Story time cut: 23:24 (23 min 24 sec) Total time added: 0:01 (0 min 1 sec) Total time gained: 28:27 (28 min 27 sec) ==[ 9F21 ]==================================== Homer's Barbershop Quartet === CUTS: 21 seconds GAINED: 21 seconds 20:00 / 20:21 ! Strange enough that one of the shortest episodes should result in one of ! the longest syndicated versions. ~~~~~ ACT I <0:18> (0:18) 8:55 / 9:13 The trio begins to audition for Chief Wiggum's replacement. Abe, groundskeeper Willy... % ...Jasper... ...and Chief Wiggum disguised as Dr. Dolittle all try out, but "it was one lousy applicant after another." <0:18> ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (----) 6:29 / 6:29 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:03> (0:03) 4:36 / 4:39 Barney's "bold new direction" demo tape: "Number eight... [belch]" "Number eight... [belch]" % "Number eight... [belch]" % "Number eight... [belch]" [Apu and Seymour roll their eyes.] "Number eight... [belch]" <0:03> ==[ 9F22 ]==================================================== Cape Feare === CUTS: 10 seconds GAINED: 10 seconds 20:00 / 20:10 No blackboard, 1F01 couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (----) 6:09 / 6:09 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (----) 6:47 / 6:47 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:10> (0:10) 7:04 / 7:14 ! Perhaps the only single cut that has people cheering, in what has been ! known as the Infamous Rake Scene. Here's the analysis: - a rake hits from right of screen - another rake hits from left of screen - SSB steps on a rake (wide angle) - SSB steps on another rake (wide angle) - a rake hits from right of screen - another rake hits from left of screen % - SSB steps on a rake (wide angle) % - SSB steps on another rake (wide angle) % - view of Homer and Marge inside, standing still; sound of SSB stepping % onto yet another rake % % <0:10> {diamantr@EXT.MISSOURI.EDU} ==[ 1F02 ]========================================= Homer Goes to College === CUTS: 63 seconds GAINED: 90 seconds 19:58 / 21:28 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:24> (0:45) 7:21 / 8:06 Homer: Maybe you're right. I did always wanna go to college, % but fate stood in the way... % % Flashback to high-school Homer in the guidance counselor's office... % % Couns.: Homer, sign this application, and you're a shoe-in. % [a dog passes in front of the window, holding a ham in its mouth] % Homer: [laughing] That dog ate somebody's ham! This I gotta see! % [Homer runs outside, then struggles with the dog] % Homer: Gimme that ham, you stupid dog. Come on, gimme it! % Couns.: [sighs] % [he crumples Homer's application and throws it in the can] % % Back in the present, Homer's garbage bin is full of crumpled paper. % % <0:24> {stu7c25@bnr.ca} % {stoner@er4.eng.ohio-state.edu (Mike Stoner)} ~~~~~ ACT II <0:39> (0:45) 7:08 / 7:53 Homer: [laughing] Ah, did you see that jerk? Dropped his notes! % Prof: Now if anyone would like to stay, I'm going to hold a comprehensive % review session after every class. % Homer: [waving] Do we have to? % Prof: No... % Homer: Then kiss my curvy butt goood-bye! % [Homer runs outside, and can be seen through the window, giggling % and chasing squirrels] % % At home, Homer has altered his room to be more like that of a college % student. He has posters of W.C. Fields, Einstein, and a ballerina's feet on % the wall, and he's made a makeshift bookshelf from four planks and six % cinder blocks. He's listening to "Louie, Louie" on his stereo. % % Marge: Homer, we have a perfectly good bookcase. % Homer: Yeah, but this is what they're doing on campus. Besides, it isn't % costing us: I swiped the cinder blocks from a construction site. % [At the "Future site of children's hospital", a worker walks % forlorn up to his boss] % Worker: Sir, six cinder blocks are missing. % Boss: There'll be no hospital, then. I'll tell the children. % % <0:39> {stu7c25@bnr.ca} % {mentioned in SCG by horangr@hsdutc.com} % {GTVV13A@prodigy.com (Chris Schwalje)} ! BTW, you can see Homer chasing squirrels in the credits. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 5:29 / 5:29 ==[ 1F01 ]======================================================= Rosebud === CUTS: 91 seconds GAINED: 91 seconds 20:02 / 21:33 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:13> (0:13) 9:11 / 9:24 At the party, the guests file into the hall in a grotesque death march, bearing their gifts. % Cut back to show the entire line. Watched by an armed guard, a % smiling Mayor Quimby, President Ronald Reagan, and Richard Nixon % enter. George Bush comes up and the Security Guard stops him. % <0:13> % Guard: Hey! % [President Bush grunts] % No one-termers. [shoves him into Jimmy Carter] % Carter: Ugh. You too, huh? Hey, I know a good yogurt place. % Bush: [annoyed] Get AWAY from me, loser! ~~~~~ ACT II <0:38> (0:38) 3:56 / 4:34 Homer: Maggie, I'm trying to watch TV. Put that moldy old bear down! [realizing] Moldy? Old? I'm gonna get something to eat! [runs out] % Professor Frink shows Mr. Burns and Smithers a large robotic % bear. % % Frink: Well, it's not your bear of course... boo-hoo- % heee. But, it programmed to be just as cuddly... % P'lhep... % % Frink pushes a button, and the robot bear comes to life. % % Frink: ...M'hep... % % Razor sharp claws pop out of the bear's paws. % <0:22> % Frink: [upset; fiddles with controls] Aw, doggone it. % Bear: Agggghhhh! [stalks Mr. Burns] % Frink: Hah. It's supposed to be... doing a little dance... Ahah... % % Burns cowers. The bear grabs him, and tears his suit. % % Burns: [struggling] Get the bear... off... % Smithers: I got him... [breaks a chair over the bear] % Frink: [fiddling] Trying to... turn it off... % % Smithers leaps up, to free Mr. Burns. % % Bear: [monotone] No! Bear want to live! AAAGGH! % [drops Mr. Burns, and walks through the wall] ~~ Lisa: [reads tag] Bobo... It's Mr. Burns' bear all right. Homer: Well, Burns isn't getting _this_ back cheap, I can tell you that. % He's gonna have to give me... [imagines] my own % recording studio... [In a studio, Homer sings] Two all- % beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, <0:16> % onions on a sesame-seed [drooling] bun...Ugh! Oh..... % ahhh.... % Technician: Homer, you're drooling on the mic again. % % Back in the present, Bart notices Homer drooling. Lisa: I think we should just give him the bear that he cherishes so much. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:40> (0:40) 6:55 / 7:35 Carl and Lenny pass through the lunchroom line. Lenny: [looking at cake carousel] Hmmm. I wonder what makes it turn. Carl: Who cares? % Homer talks to Maggie on the floor... % % Homer: Maggie, I know you like the bear. But wouldn't you be just as % happy playing with... [looks aroung] this box! % [puts box on his head] See, Maggie? See the fun box? <0:18> % [leans side to side, humming a nursery rhyme] % % Homer laughs giddily, enjoying the box. Maggie reaches for the box. % % Homer: No! [gets up, runs away] My box! My box! [giggles] ! In the next scene Homer puts the box on his head, which makes ! less sense in the syndicated version. ~~ Martin: Look, gentlemen. The first snapdragon of the season! Nelson: Never mind. Let's just get _him_! [points at Martin] % Homer and Lisa watch TV together. % % Burns: Smithers, I'm home! [canned laughter] % Smithers: [enters, wearing apron] What, already? [canned chuckle] % Burns: Yes. [loud canned laughter] <0:22> % Lisa: [watching] Is it my imagination, or is TV getting worse? % Homer: Oh, it's about the same. [talking to TV, pointing] Uh oh! % Look out, Smithers! % [sound of breaking glass] % [laughs hysterically] I love this show. ==[ 1F04 ]======================================== Treehouse of Horror IV === CUTS: 37 seconds GAINED: 91 seconds 19:48 / 21:19 Complete special opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:13> (0:33) 7:24 / 7:57 After Homer has become fat and the room is almost empty: Homer: [eats 4 donuts, seen in wide angle] [eats 4 donuts, seen in wide angle] [eats 4 donuts, seen in wide angle] % [eats 4 donuts, seen in wide angle] % [eats 4 donuts, seen in zoom-in] <0:03> % [eats 4 donuts, seen in zoom-in] % [eats 4 donuts, seen in zoom-in] [eats 4 donuts, seen in zoom-in] More! ~~ ! Don Del Grande wrote (when the episode first aired): ! I'm not sure about this one...but according to an article in TV ! GUIDE, Matt Groening said there was supposed to be a scene in ! TDAHS where the demons bowl using Homer's head; this may have been ! written into the spot just before the trial begins and Homer ! appears in the cage with his head detached. ! ! Well, thanks to 3F31, we got to see the aforementioned scene, ! probably meant to be inserted between the donut-eating-machine and ! Homer's trial. # A demon selects Homer's head from several and grips it. He rolls it # down an alley as Homer's head screams, until it hits the spiked pins # and breaks open, revealing a note: "IOU one brain, signed God" # # At home, Marge reads the phone book: # # Marge: Lawyers, lawyers, lawyers... ooh! Lionel Hutz. "Cases won in |0:35| # 30 minutes or your pizza's free." Hmm. # # Bart: I'd sell my soul for a formula one racing car. # [Satan Ned appears with a race car] # Ned: Heh heh heh, that can be arranged. # Bart: Changed my mind. Sorry. # [Ned vanishes] Cool! # Marge: Bart! Stop pestering Satan. {The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular [3F31]} ~~ Marge: Read the back, the back! % Blackbeard: Arr, 'tis some kind of traysure map! <0:10> % Arnold: [grabs the photo] You idiot! You can't read! % Blackbeard: Aye, 'tis true. My debauchery was my way of compensatin'! {tuffyd@vccsouth01.its.rpi.edu} {fey@cyberspace.org (The One Known as Dasrik)} ~~ ! And here's the second half of the 3F31-revealed scene: Kids: Yay! [the legions of Hell disappear] # Hutz: [walking around a corner] Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza. |0:06| # Marge: But we win! # Hutz: That's OK: the box is empty. {The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular [3F31]} ! Here's a comment from Haynes Lee, maintainer of the Lionel Hutz page: ! That was really nasty cutting out that Hutz scene from [1F04] ! where he defended Homer when he sold his soul for a donut. From ! the original episode it looked like Hutz snuck out the bathroom ! window. But from what they have shown tonight it has been revealed ! that Hutz snuck out to get the pizza when he realized that he ! could win the case in less than 30 minutes. Now that's ! professionalism! ! I have heard from a good source that Hutz is going to sue Fox ! television for fifty million dollars for defamation of character. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:19> (0:35) 5:50 / 6:25 Milhouse: Hey, who's driving the bus? Otto: Ooh... Una momento, por favor. [view of the bus] % [which is in fact a viewscreen in the now-famous-aliens' % [spaceship] % Alien1: Foolish Earthlings! % Alien2: Frightened of a creature that does not exist! % [laugh and laugh some more] % [until they notice a gremlin wrecking their ship outside] <0:19> % Alien?: [gulping] Oh-ho-ho... % % Back in the bus, Bart moans and stares worriedly out the window. The % gremlin jumps from under the bus, and makes the finger-across-throat % gesture at Bart. % % Skinner: [walks to Bart] Now, I've gotten word that a child is using his imagination, and I've come to put a stop to it. {tuffyd@vccsouth01.its.rpi.edu} {fey@cyberspace.org (The One Known as Dasrik)} ~~~~~ ACT III <0:05> (0:23) 6:34 / 6:57 Marge: This is dangerous. I wish we could've found a sitter for Maggie... % Homer: [gasps] [rejoiced] Super Fun Happy Slide! <0:05> % Lisa: No dad. % Homer: [moans] I guess killing will be fun enough... {tuffyd@vccsouth01.its.rpi.edu} {fey@cyberspace.org (The One Known as Dasrik)} ==[ 1F03 ]============================================== Marge on the Lam === CUTS: 91 seconds GAINED: 90 seconds 19:43 / 21:14 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:30> (0:29) 7:43 / 8:12 Ruth: Oh. You were serious. ! Next comes a re-used shot of SNPP, first seen before Homer got stuck. That ! scene was NOT re-used in the original version; this is probably the only ! single time when syndication has actually something to an episode. ! ! (-0:01) % Meanwhile, Homer, still slumped between the vending machines, laments his % predicament. Rescue workers have tied the area off with yellow "Police % Line" tape. "I'm gonna have these things on my arms forever," he moans, % imagining himself at Maggie's wedding as the father of the bride on stage, % the vending machines still attached to his shoulders. Maggie takes off her % pacifier and kisses the groom. "Candies and sodas for all!" Homer offers, % throwing those at everyone. % % Homer: Mmm... convenient. % % <0:19> ~~ Marge: Homer, please. You know it's hard for me to make friends. % Flashback to Marge and three women drinking coffee in the living room... % % Woman: Heh heh. Oh, Marge, we should do this every Thursday. % [Homer walks in wearing a "No Fat Chicks" T-shirt and Hawaiian % shorts.] % Homer: Marge, I got sprayed by this skunk! Oh, look, it's doing it again! % [Everybody runs away screaming] % % <0:11> {johnmd20@ix.netcom.com (Guy Incognito)} ! Ricardo Lafaurie comments: ! If you listen closely to the syndicated version, you can hear the ! traditional Simpsons "flashback" harp sound play for a split-second ! before this cut. That's syndication for 'ya... ~~~~~ ACT II <1:01> (1:01) 5:12 / 6:13 % First shot of inside Shot Kickers is shortened by a second. <0:01> ~~ Cowboy: Hey, baby! Feel like gettin' lucky? Marge: I lucky. I have a husband and three wonderful children. Thank you very much. % Cowboy: [threatening] Listen, baby, I get what I want. % Marge: [indignant] I said no! % Cowboy: Oh, did you? Oh, I completely misunderstood. Please accept our % apologies. % % <0:09> {cn109@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Bryan Fulsom)} ~~ Moe: No. We're phasing out the games; people drink less when they're having fun. % At the Simpson house, Bart and Lisa watch "LA Law" with Lionel Hutz. % % Hutz: Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries. % Look at him! He's wearing a belt. [wistfully] That's Hollywood for % ya. % % The next stop for the ladies is an underground club, "The Hate Box". % % Marge: Ooh, I've never been to an underground club before. % % The clientele seems to be mostly punk rockers and weirdos. Inside, a punk % woman with a purple mohawk asks Marge, "Don't you think your hair's a bit % much?" % % Otto: Hey, Mrs. Simpson! You should try one of these "Smart Drinks." % [laughs and drinks it] Oh, wow... I've wasted my life! % % Diamond Joe Quimby is also at the club -- with no shirt on, and paint % blotches on his body. % % Quimby: Would you, er, care to dance? % Marge: Mayor Quimby! What are you doing here? % Quimby: I'm, er, here with my nephews. % Marge: That's nice. % % Homer is in the Kwik-E-Mart, and he notices a "Jet" magazine. % % Homer: Ooh, Jet! [reads it] Woo-hoo! It's Garett Morris' birthday! % Apu: [throwing him out] This is not a library. % % At Springfield's Public Library, Homer is being thrown out yet again, % holding snacks and candy. % % Librarian: [throwing him out] This is not a Kwik-E-Mart. % % <0:51> {avarhola@ids.net (Aaron Varhola)} % {cn109@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Bryan Fulsom)} ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 6:48 / 6:48 ==[ 1F05 ]============================================ Bart's Inner Child === CUTS: 94 seconds GAINED: 96 seconds 19:55 / 21:31 ! Just as you thought the Indian burial ground cut in ToH [7F04] was the ! longest they could make, we're breaking that record again! ~~~~~ ACT I <1:03> (1:03) 6:14 / 7:17 The trampoline bounces repeatedly off Homer's head, driving his feet into the ground. % Homer: If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. % % That night, Homer is still trapped under the trampoline. A wolf howls in % the background. "I'm thirsty," Homer whines, but just then, the cliff % finally breaks off, and Homer falls with a yell. % % Homer's next plan is to use a buzzsaw to slice the trampoline to % pieces. "Checkmate, Mr. Trampoline," he announces, and runs towards % it, screaming maniacally while the buzzsaw whirls. Unfortunately, his % extension cord isn't quite long enough, and the cord snaps taut % suddenly, spilling Homer onto his back and causing him to throw the % buzzsaw into the air. The saw lands on the trampoline and wraps the % cord rapidly around the trampoline in loops. Marge and Maggie watch % as a big chuck of the kitchen wall is torn loose where the extension % cord was plugged in. % % Homer: All right, all right...you win for now. But someday you'll _rust_! % % Bart walks over to where Homer laughs. % % Bart: Dad, you really want to get rid of this trampoline? % Homer: Uh huh. % Bart: Observe: a bike lock. % [He locks the trampoline to a post] % Now just turn around, and count to three: one, two, three -- % [They turn around to see Snake with a pair of wire cutters] % Uh, better make it five. % Snake: All right! I got me a bed. <1:03> ~~~~~ ACT II <0:25> (0:27) 6:20 / 6:47 % Troy: A few weeks ago, I was a washed-up actor with a drinking problem. % Then Brad Goodman came along and gave me this job and a can of % fortified wine! [drinks from a can] Ah...sweet liquor eases the % pain. <0:13> ~~ Troy: And now I'd like to introduce the man who will put the "you" in "impr-you-vement"...Brad Goodman! % [clapping] % Brad: Thank you so much, Troy. And by the way...I'm not happy you're still % drinking. But at least you're down to one from more than fifty. % <0:09> [clapping] ~~ At the end of the video, Troy hugs Brad: "Doctor, you've solved all my problems." % He chugs what's left of his wine, and reaches his finger inside the glass % to get the last couple of drops. <0:03> ~~~~~ ACT III <0:06> (0:06) 7:21 / 7:27 Willy: I know it's on! % Otto is in charge of parking. "Park anywhere! I'm not gonna lay any rules % for anybody today." The cars are arranged in a jumbled mass, scattered % hither and thither. <0:06> ==[ 1F06 ]======================================== Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood === CUTS: 90 seconds GAINED: 90 seconds 20:00 / 21:30 Original couch ! There's been a great deal of discussion over this episode on a.t.s., ! and it seems there are indeed two versions floating out there. :( ! Unfortunately, both my CBC and FOX stations carry the same one, so ! I'd need some people to point out the cuts I missed. ~~~~~ ACT I <0:07> (0:07) 5:41 / 5:48 After Bart wakes up from his "sugar hangover," he realizes that in his sugar-stupor, he joined the Junior Campers. "Boy, a man on a squishee bender cam sure do some crazy things." % Barney wakes up, wearing the usual blue-and-white horizontally- % striped sailor suit, complete with blue hat and pom-pom. He finds % himself lying on a bunch of sacks labeled "backlava", on a boat <0:07> % bearing the Greek flag. % % Barney: Uh-oh, not again! [belches] {mentioned in SCG by lordj@gusun.acc.georgetown.edu} ~~~~~ ACT II <0:20> (0:20) 9:05 / 9:25 Ned: You're not allowed to handle a pocket-knife till you read this booklet on knife safety and pass a test. Bart: Aw, who needs a cruddy knife anyway? % [walking down the street, past Moe's] % Knives are boring... % % Bart dodges Hans Moleman who's being thrown out of Moe's. % % Moe: [holding a knife] When I say, "Put your beer on a coaster," I <0:17> % mean it! % Hans: You call that a knife? *This* is a knife! % [pulls out an oversized blade from his cane] % [it's too heavy for him to hold up] % [weakly] Ooh... ooh... down I go. [thump] Ooh. % Bart: [moans] Next, Bart comes across Martin, in front of the bakery. {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} {mentioned in the capsule by Ricardo Lafaurie} ~~ When Homer arrives home from work, he sees a pie on top of a green blanket on the driveway. Of course, it's a trap in disguise, and Homer, the pie, and the blanket all fall into a pit. Homer: [yelling] Bart! <0:03> % Mmm... apple... {mentioned in the capsule by Ricardo Lafaurie} ~~ ! This cut was reported by many people; however, it seems to have been ! left in recently, in favor of another cut indicated lower. ? Ned: Howdely-hey, Camper Bart. Ready for today's meeting? ? Bart: You knowdely-know it, Neddy. ? Ned: Okily dokily. {mentioned in the capsule by Ricardo Lafaurie} ~~~~~ ACT III <1:03> (1:03) 5:14 / 6:17 ! Speculation has been that the plane scene was edited in regards of ! the TWA crash. (Though, as Matt Furtek noted, ! they didn't cut Bart saying "maybe a plane exploded".) People who ! didn't get that scene got the previous scene intact instead -- or ! both, like me. % Wiggum: [on phone] I keep telling you, lady: your husband and son % have to be missing for a week before we can start searching. % I'd like to help sooner, I would. But we're very, very busy <0:13> % down here. % [hangs up] Sheesh! % [turns to a dog against whom he is playing] King me. % [Lou & Eddie are playing basketball] Marge: [hangs up] Mmm... still no help. Patty: You know, it cougar season, and those things don't mess around. Marge: [growls] Fade-in to a rescue plane, <0:02> % which is flying above the raft. Bart: A rescue plane! Get the flare gun! [Flanders does so, but Homer grabs it] Homer: This ain't one of your church picnic flare-gun firings, Flanders! This is the real thing! ? [he discharges the gun] ? [the flare hits the plane and explodes] Homer: D'oh! All right, well, that's okay. When they come to rescue him, they'll rescue us. [plane picks up the pilot and leaves] Homer: D'oh! % Fade-in to the raft lost at sea. Three dolphins swim up to it. % % Ned: Here's our chance: dolphins always help humans lost at sea! % [dolphins chatter as if laughing] % [caption says: "You're all going to die"] % [they leave] % Ned: Come back! Come back! % Oh, we're done for. We're done for. We're done diddely done % for. We're done diddely doodily, done diddely doodily, done % diddely doodily, done diddely doodily -- % Homer: [grabs him and slaps him] Flanders! Snap out of it! [slap!] % Ned: Thank you, Homer. I don't know what got -- [slap!] [slap!] % [slap!] <0:48> % Bart: [grabbing Homer's arm] Dad, I think he's OK! % Homer: [slap!] [slap!] [slap] [slap!] It's better [slap!] to be % [slap!] safe [slap!] than [slap!] sorry! [slap!] [slap!] % [slap!] % Sorry. % Ned: Diddely -- [slap!] % % On the Springfield Police boat. % % Wiggum: You see anything yet? % Lou: Nothing, chief. Somebody took all the beer and cold cuts. % Wiggum: Aw, that's it! I'm not even casting off until we go to the % store. {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} {mentioned in the capsule by Ricardo Lafaurie} ! If you look closely, the last fade-out in syndication shows two ! shorelines, with the raft next to the sun. ==[ 1F07 ]================================== The Last Temptation of Homer === CUTS: 66 seconds GAINED: 66 seconds 19:59 / 21:05 No blackboard, 1F01 couch ! Kudos to Hendren Michael R. , who reported ! every cut in this episode. As he explained: "Sorry for the mindless ! rambling, but that is probably my favorite episode." ~~~~~ ACT I <0:05> (0:05) 6:17 / 6:22 As Bart tries to figure out "photosynthesis"... Bart: [closes his eyes a bit] Uh... [but the letters are all blurry] <0:01> % [the blurness keeps going on] Um... % [back to Bart] % Hmmm... <0:04> % [Martin is raising his hand in despair] % Uh... % [pan to Bart, still perplexed] % Hmmm... Uh... Martin: Oh, pick me, teacher: I'm ever so smart! ~~~~~ ACT II <0:12> (0:12) 8:27 / 8:39 Homer: Hey, we haven't watched TV in a while! [turns it on] Kent: Tonight, "Eye On Springfield" takes a look at the secret affairs of Kennedy, Eisenhower, Bush, and Clinton. Did fooling around on their wives make them great? We'll find out next, when we play "Hail to the Cheat." Homer: [whimpers, changes channels] % Man: The Burmese Melon Fly has over a thousand sex partners, and <0:06> % suffers virtually no guilt -- % Homer: [whimpers, changes channels] {mhendren@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (hendren michael r)} ~~ [A bunch of scantily clad women work out on weight machines] Woman: [seductive] Just do it! Homer: Aah! [runs out] % [slams the door] <0:06> % Woman: [seductive] Examine your scalp for ringworm. % [Caption: "National Ringworm Association (The Other N.R.A.)"] {mhendren@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (hendren michael r)} ~~~~~ ACT III <0:49> (0:49) 5:15 / 6:04 Mindy: [seductive] No, Homer, let's do it. [joyous] Let's call room service! Homer: Oh... % [A buzzer sounds in Mr. Burns' office] % Smithers: Someone is charging room service on the company, sir. % Burns: Well, we'll just see about that. <0:20> % [walks over to a cage full of black-winged monkeys] % Fly, my pretties, fly! % [They walk to the window and plummet to their deaths] % Burns: [sighs] Continue the research. {mentioned in SCG by ac463@yfn.ysu.edu} {(wabo@crl.com) Keith Metcalfe} {mhendren@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (hendren michael r)} ! "A Criminal Cut!!, If I ever heard one!!!" comments Keith Metcalfe. ~~ Marge: Good news, honey: two weeks are up. You don't have to wear your glasses any more! And your scalp and posture seem fine. Bart: [triumphant] Yes! [kicks shoes off] [They fly through the window] % [and smash through Flanders' window] % Ned: Kids, did anyone pray for giant shoes? <0:06> % Rod: I did! % Ned: Okily dokily! {mhendren@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (hendren michael r)} ~~ The "Welcome National Energy Convention" sign flashes briefly, but then burns out. % The camera pans past all the exhibits at the energy convention inside % the convention center: cold fusion, "Oil Power", "What About Wind?", % coal, and water. It comes to rest on the solar energy display % ("Cheap, clean hope for tomorrow"), which is being run by Hans % Moleman. A man in a suit with sunglasses asks, "So this stuff really <0:23> % works?" "It certainly does," says Hans proudly. "Oh, well, lotsa % luck!" says the man, giving Hans a chop in the neck. A number of % other men in suits appear, and two of them close red curtains around % the exhibit. When they open them again, one man sits behind the desk % in front of a banner that says, "Fossil Fuel: Use Us and Nobody Gets % Hurt." Seconds after, the man remembers to take off his sunglasses. {mhendren@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (hendren michael r)} ==[ 1F08 ]=================================================== $pringfield === CUTS: 97 seconds GAINED: 97 seconds 19:54 / 21:31 Complete original opening Terribly sorry for all the rambling I made with this capsule's last revision. Regardless of what I wrote, the cuts *didn't* add up to 157 seconds. ~~~~~ ACT I <0:05> (0:05) 5:24 / 5:29 Skinner: There *is* an added bonus: some of the revenue can go to help our underfunded public schools. [everyone stares stonily] <03> % Patty: Well, I liked the part about the gambling. Ned: What do you think, reverend? Rev.: Once something has been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral. [cheers] Burns: By building a casino, I could tighten my stranglehold on this dismal town! [cheers] % Barney: [burps] <02> % [cheers] {mentioned in SCG by asherbn@io.org} ~~~~~ ACT II <1:26> (1:26) 7:53 / 9:19 Homer: Why thanks, Senator! Oh -- looks like my shift is over. All: Uh oh. [they all leave] % Abe prepares to roll the dice at the craps table. % % Abe: Come on, lucky seven! Papa needs a new pair of spats! I % want some of that sweet, sweet dough-re-mi! Fat city, here % I come! <29> % Apu: Please throw the dice now, please, now. % Abe: Don't rush me! I have arthritis. % Croupier: Would the gentleman please roll the dice? % Abe: All right, all right, smart guy. Oops! Oh, for crying out % loud, I dropped one. Oh! Now it's in my shoe! Ow! Ow! Ooh! % Ow! Ooh! Ow! ~~ ! This scene was revealed in the 138th Episode Spectacular [3F31]: # Blofeld: 20. Your move, Mr. Bond. # Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. # [Homer gives him a card] # Joker! You were supposed to take those out of the deck. # Homer: Oh, sorry. Here's another one. # Bond: What's this card? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"? |27| # Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond. # [Odd Job and Jaws grab Bond and drag him out] # Bond: But... but it's Homer's fault! I didn't lose. I never lose! # Well, at least tell me the details of your plot for world # domination. # Blofeld: Ho ho ho, I'm not going to fall for _that_ one again. # [as they all leave, Marge comes in, holding Maggie] {The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular [3F31]} ~~ After Milhouse's failed magic trick... % Back in Burns' Casino, Homer watches a Dustin Hoffman-lookalike with % amazement while a Tom Cruise-lookalike sits next to him. % % Homer: Twenty-one? Do that card counting thing again. Come on: do % it again. <21> % Raymond: Definitely have to leave the table. % Homer: [grabs his arm] No! Please, please, please, please, please? % Raymond: Gotta watch Wapner. Leave the table. Yeah, leave the table. % Homer: No! % Raymond: Aah! [screams repeatedly, hits his head with his palm] % Homer: Aah! [screams repeatedly, hits his head with his palm] {mentioned in SCG by asherbn@io.org} ~~ Woman: This guy's paying off! Barney: [keeps belching quarters] % Krusty's latest gig is a "For Adults Only" show at midnight in the % casino. % % Krusty: I don't want to hit a _sore_ spot, but can we talk about % herpes? % [singing] Herpes herpes, bo-berpes, banana, fana fo-ferpes -- % her-pes. Ow! % Hey: that spot on Gorbachev's head -- herpes, trust me! <36> % Anybody here have herpes? Huh? Huh? % [No one answers] % You people are the worst audience I've ever seen! % Man: Well, you're the worst _comedian_ we've ever seen! % Krusty: Oh, great! Well, we'll just sit here silently for the next 90 % minutes. % Man: Fine with us. % Krusty: [groans and sits] ~~~~~ ACT III <0:06> (0:06) 6:37 / 6:43 Nelson: Your manager says for you to shut up! Goulet: _Vera_ said that? Hmm... <03> % [struggles to climb the ladder up to the treehouse] ~~ Homer shows up on the casino monitors: [1] [2] [3] [ ] [ ] [5] [4] [ ] % - runs in front of [1] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] <03> % - waves hands on [2] % - walks on a table by [3] and looks into the monitor - checks into the ladies' room by [4] - stares right into [5] ==[ 1F09 ]=========================================== Homer the Vigilante === CUTS: 66 seconds GAINED: 66 seconds 19:59 / 21:05 No blackboard, no solo, 1F01 couch ! As sad as it may seem, it is my duty to report that there are TWO ! versions of this episode. The scenes indicated by "/" were cut on ! CBC (96-06-04) and reported as so in my first capsule, but were left ! intact on FOX (96-06-16). As most people watch FOX than CBC (duh!), ! I've excluded those cuts from the timings as for now. ! ! I'll be able to tell more when it reruns on both networks. Until ! then, I'll have to cope with it... ~~~~~ ACT I <0:50> (0:50) 7:16 / 8:06 Skinner: Good Lord! My Stormin' Norman commemorative plates stolen! ... Again. % Barney wakes up in the middle of his floor, naked, in an empty % apartment. "Hey, I thought I had more stuff than this." % % Lisa: We insured, aren't we, Mom? <0:14> % Marge: Homer, tell your child what you bought when I sent you to town % to get some insurance. % Homer: [to a jar labeled "magic beans"] Curse you, magic beans! % Marge: Oh, stop blaming the beans. Homer: [to phone] Hello police, are you sitting down? ~~ Frink: The real humans won't, er, wo... won't burn quite so fast. % As Bart walks down the street the next day, many bars automatically % slam shut in front of windows. He stops in front of one house and % says, "Cool: high-tech security system!" He tosses a pebble at the % house, and two lasers follow its course while a third one blasts the % pebble to dust. The house next door gets up on two giant legs and % begins running away from Bart, but it trips and bursts into flame. % % The house with the lasers draws all the neighborhood kids. They toss <0:36> % stones at it and watch them getting destroyed. % % Otto: All right! Free laserium! All the colors of the 'bow, man! % [a laser hits Jasper in the eyes] % Jasper: Ow! Oh... my cataracts are gone. I can see again! All the % beauty of na... % [another laser hits him in the eyes] % Jasper: Ow! I'm blind. Oh well: easy come, easy go. ~~ Homer: Lisa, never stop in the middle of a hoedown! /0:01/ / Lisa: [sobs once] [gasps, drops the jug, then cries] ~~~~~ ACT II <0:16> (0:16) 6:17 / 6:33 ! Right at the start of the act: % At Moe's Tavern, Homer and Barney shake hands back to back, reaching % through their legs. % % Homer: OK, we've got the secret vigilante handshake. Now we need code <0:16> % names. I'll be Cue-Ball, Skinner can be Eight-Ball, Barney % will be Twelve-Ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-Ball. % Moe: You're an idiot. % % The following shot of Herman's is also shortened by a second. ~~ The vigilante group chases the saxophone player. / Some man is burning leaves in his backyard, and takes a puff from his /0:02/ / cigarette. "No burning leaves without a permit!" Homer rudely informs him, as the members of the group kick the burning leaves all around. ~~ / As Jimbo spray-paints "Carpe diem" on the wall, his first shot for /00.6/ / the left vertical bar of the "M" is cut. ~~ / Some frames have been removed between Grampa's "We're on our break!" /00.4/ / and Skinner's "Any sign of the burglar yet?". Basically, it involves / Abe closing his mouth and Skinner looking at the left of the screen. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 6:26 / 6:26 ==[ 1F11 ]============================================== Bart Gets Famous === CUTS: 14 seconds GAINED: 71 seconds 19:54 / 21:05 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:22) 7:53 / 8:15 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:15) 5:06 / 5:21 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:14> (0:34) 6:55 / 7:29 Quimby: I, er, didn't do it. [all start laughing] % In a burning building, a man cries for help from the fourth floor. A % fireman rues, "This is the third time this building has burned down because % someone has been smoking in bed." Patty and Selma, slightly charred, chime % in guiltily, "I didn't do it," and everyone laughs, even the man who's life % is in danger. % % <0:14> {Ricardo Lafaurie } ~~ As seen in the commercial: # Bart is in his room and says "I don't feel like a real person." Homer is # outside of his room and screams, "He's bot a real person!? No!!!!" # # {needstogo@aol.com (Needstogo)} ==[ 1F10 ]================================================= Homer and Apu === CUTS: 64 seconds GAINED: 64 seconds 20:00 / 21:04 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:09> (0:09) 6:24 / 6:33 Homer: No way, man. No way, man! Get yourself another patsy, man. No way am I wearing a freakin' wire! <0:01> % Kent: All right, all right, all right. Would you be willing to wear a hidden camera and microphone? ~~ ! Painstaking editing has been done with Homer's entrance, wearing that ! enormous camera-hat. Here is the camera movement involved: roll counter-clockwise roll clockwise [the Kwik-E-Mart doors open] pan to the left, then to the up and right % pan down <0:02> % [as seen from inside the van] % pan left, then up & right pan down roll counter-clockwise pan up & right ~~ Inspector: Now: turn in your pricing gun. % [Apu removes it from a shoulder holster] <0:06> % [severe] The other one too. [Apu removes it from an ankle holster] {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} ~~~~~ ACT II <0:41> (0:41) 7:27 / 8:08 ! This scene was released in The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular, ! and was probably meant to be used in the second act. # Apu: I'm hoping you enjoy this movie. It made every Indian critic's # top 400 list. # Woman: [singing] Love love love love love! I'm in love with lovely # Johnny. # [an Indian man breaks through a window and curses in Hindi at |0:32| # three sitting men] # [they all start dancing] # Bart: This movie you rented sucks. # Homer: No it doesn't, it's funny! Their clothes are different from my # clothes. [laughs] Look at what they're wearing! [laughs # more] {The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular [3F31]} ~~ James Woods is hired at the Kwik-E-Mart. % At home, Homer hums in the shower. He turns off the water and reaches % for his towel, but he can't find where it is. % % Apu: [holds out a towel] Good morning, sir! <0:17> % Homer: Aah! % Apu: Relax, please. You do not have anything I have not seen % before. % [sees something on Homer's chest] What the...? % Homer: [sheepish] Uh... I... like to keep a lollipop there. {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} ~~ Apu: That old man up front, he is starved for attention. He will talk the cashier's head off. % [it happens to be Grampa who's blocking the line] <0:17> % Abe: Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I % remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece % of toast. I set the toaster to three -- medium brown. {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} ~~ Apu: [singing folornly] Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? I dooooo... % Homer: Hey, he's not happy at all. He lied to us through song. I <0:07> % when people do that! {mentioned in SCG by nerfball@tyrell.net} {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} ~~~~~ ACT III <0:14> (0:14) 6:09 / 6:23 Apu and Homer ride off on mules to the Springfield airport. "I'm sorry we couldn't take a cab, but I spent my last dollar on the plane tickets." Apu explains. % As they fly over the mountains, Homer pesters Apu. % % Homer: Are we in India yet? % Apu: No. % Homer: Are we in India yet? <0:09> % Apu: No. % Homer: Are we in India yet? % Apu: No. % Homer: Are we in India yet? % Apu: No. Oh, wait...now we are. ! The next shot of the Kwik-E-Mart was shortened by a fraction of ! second on CBC last June, but not on FOX in July. More to come later. {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} ~~ James Woods cleans out the microwave with a scraper while talking on his cellular phone. Woods: Well, actually, that's a pretty good explanation. % Now this is gross, right, this'll be points in this <0:05> % new...? OK. Yeah, 'cause there's monkey -- yeah, OK, great. OK, good: book me a flight, rent me an igloo, and [...] {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} ==[ 1F12 ]========================================= Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy === CUTS: 36 seconds GAINED: 90 seconds 20:01 / 21:31 ! This episode needed both compression and edition, as it's rather long. ~~~~~ ACT I <0:36> (0:54) 6:35 / 7:29 Guard: All right, come on, Pops. Soldiers won't bother you any more. % As Homer walks to another section of the store, he hears a single note. He % looks down and sees a keyboard on the floor with giant keys that light up % and play a sound when you step on them. Tentatively, he steps on another % key, and then gets an idea. % % "One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock! Five, six, seven o'clock, % eight o'clock, rock! Rock, rock, rock --" he sings off-key, at first % playing the right notes, then jumping around randomly. A crowd gathers and % begins to protest while Homer does the front crawl down the keys. All the % dogs in a nearby pet store begin howling in pain. "We're gonna rock around % a rock, around the clock toniiight!" Homer finishes, sliding down the keys % on his knees and cracking a hole through them. Everyone boos him, and he % stands up: "Thank you, thank you very much!" <0:27> {Mark Aaron Richey } ! This cut takes out a lot of the fun when Homer is dragged away at the end. ~~ ! Lines with (?) are a debated cut; some people -- including Ricardo Lafaurie ! who noted the cuts in the capsules -- missed this scene, but got the "real" ! cut intact. Moreover, this thing happened twice! ! ! Whether there are two versions out there, or that local stations re-edited ! the episode, I cannot tell. ? On the way home, Homer uses a light-bulb oven to heat a muffin. A bell ? sounds, and he removes the muffin and starts buttering it. Marge says ? she's not sure how good an idea it is to be doing that while he drives, but ? Homer dismisses her: "Marge, that's what I bought it for." % Bart: [plays with Sergeant Thug's Mountaintop Command Post, making plane % and machine gun noises] % Abe: Hey, watch it with that thing! [a missile launches out the window] % My skull is eggshell-thin. % [The missile explodes behind the car] % Bart: Cool! Lisa: Thanks for buying us these toys, Grampa. <0:09> ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:15) 5:45 / 6:00 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:21) 7:41 / 8:02 ==[ 1F13 ]============================================== Deep Space Homer === CUTS: 23 seconds GAINED: 80 seconds 20:07 / 21:21 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:15) 5:48 / 6:03 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:16> (0:30) 4:40 / 5:10 Homer: Mmm...mediciney. % Next challenge is a one-on-one fight set in an arena from the Star Trek % (the original series) "Gamesters of Triskelion", complete with Star Trek % music. % % Scientist: I'll wager 400 quatloos on the newcomer. % % <0:09> {Reported by a bunch of people, too many to list} ~~ Scientist: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet the two experienced astronauts who will accompany the winner into space: Race Banyon and Buzz Aldrin, the second man on the moon! % Buzz: Second comes right after first. % [Long pause] % <0:07> ~~~~~ ACT III <0:07> (0:35) 9:39 /10:14 James Taylor continues to sing to the hapless astronauts. % James: There's hours of time on the telephone line % Talking 'bout things to come Sweet dreams, and flying machines, In pieces on the ground <0:07> ==[ 1F14 ]========================================== Homer Loves Flanders === CUTS: 90 seconds GAINED: 90 seconds 19:56 / 21:26 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <1:06> (1:06) 7:03 / 8:09 Ned: Oh, golly, if that doesn't put the "shaz" in "shazam". Listen: what's the cash value of those tickets, so I can report it on my income tax? In impotent rage, Homer raises his head, % and hits the radio, which flips to a station playing Eddie Money's % "Two Tickets to Paradise", appropriately. Homer sings along and even <30> % plays air guitar to the guitar solo. "Excellent guitar riff", he % comments. ~~ Lenny: Hey, look. Homer's got one of those robot cars. [crash] Carl: One of those *American* robot cars. [view of the stadium] % [on the field, all Atoms players are gathered around Burns] % Burns: Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital % who wants you to win this game. I know because... I % crippled him myself to inspire you. % [at the hospital, Milhouse is resting with one arm and one % leg in a cast] % Milhouse: [to his parents] I hope they win, or Mr. Burns said he's % coming back. % <29> % Ned and Homer take their seats. % % Ned: Wow, these *are* amazing seats, huh, Homer? % Homer: Yeah. [inflates a beach ball] % [to the crowd] Hey everybody! Here comes fun! % [throws the ball] % [chuckles] % [someone throws an empty beer can at him] % Homer: Ow! ~~ Homer: If anyone can pull it off, it's Stan "The Boy" Taylor. [players take position] % Crowd: [chanting] Stan, Stan, he's our boy. If he can't do it, no <07> % one... will. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:24> (0:24) 7:23 / 7:47 Despite protests from the family, Homer gets the Simpsons and the Flanders to spend a weekend together. % So, here they are, all nine of them crammed into Ned's station wagon, % which only Homer smiling. % % Homer: Don't worry, I brought my Rappin' Ronnie Reagan tape. It % always makes the trip go faster. % [pops the tape in] % [all it features is Reagan (in a very Burns-like voice) % rapping along the lines of "well, well, well, w-w-well, % well, well..."] % Homer: [chuckles] You know something? He *did* say "well" a lot. <24> % % The car drives away under this flood of "well", passing by a sign: % % +------------------------------------+ % | Welcome to [sun] | % | | % | LAKE [green 3-eyed fish] | % | SPRINGFIELD | % | | % | No Mercury Dumping Without Permit | % +------------------------------------+ {jbeuck@Phoenix.kent.edu (Jeffery Beuck)} ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 5:30 / 5:30 ==[ 1F15 ]========================================= Bart Gets an Elephant === CUTS: 91 seconds GAINED: 91 seconds 19:53 / 21:24 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:46> (0:46) 7:28 / 8:14 While Lisa complains about being stuck in the house... % In the basement, Homer is about to clean the floor and hesitates % between bottles of Bubble Off, Terrapin Wax, Cleanser... He settles % for Mr. Cleanser. % % Homer: Hmm... [reading] "Use only in a well-ventilated area." % [looks around] Shove it, buddy! % [pours most of the bottle on the floor] % % Homer grunts as he scrubs the floor, but the fumes soon make him % dizzy. In his hallucination, the logos of the various cleaning <46> % products come to life. At first friendly, they turn evil and attack % him; several Bubbles biting him, the Turtle pulling his hair strands, % the Cleanser knight stabbing him with his spear, and Mr. Cleanser % strangling him. % % Mr. Cleanser: [in a Russian accent] I... must... destroy... you... % Homer: [screams and screams some more] % Marge: [from above] Homer! What's going on down there? % Homer: Nothing. % Marge: Then stop screaming so loud! % Homer: Okay. [whines softly] {mentioned in SCG by Chris K.} ~~~~~ ACT II <0:22> (0:22) 7:19 / 7:41 At the Springfield Arboretum: Bart: Strip the bark, now, Stampy. Homer: Hey, any more arboretums around here? Man: No! % [a bird lands on Stampy's back and starts to peck his skin] % Homer: [gasps] That bird! He's killing the elephant! Stop him! % Lisa: No, Dad, he's grooming him. <22> % Homer: Grooming him, eh? % [later, at home, Homer applies this technique to himself] % Marge: Whoa, Homer, there's a bird on your head! % Homer: I know. He's grooming me. Mmm... elephant fresh. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:23> (0:23) 5:06 / 5:29 % Two workmen carry a pane of glass across the road. Stampy crashes % towards them, and they hastily move out of the way into the other <11> % lane, where they have to move quickly *again* to avoid Bart on his % skateboard. Having saved the glass from destruction, they toss it % carlessly into a recycling bin. Meanwhile, at the police department, Chief Wiggum is taking calls. Wiggum: Yeah, right, buddy. An *elephant* ran through your front yard. Okay. Wiggum... Yeah, right, mister. Mm-hmm. An *elephant* just knocked over your mailbox. Okay. Wiggum... Yeah, right, buddy. Liquor store robbery, officer down. Sure. And I'm Edward G. Robinson. [hangs up] [quacks] % Stampy walks through a Republican convention were signs saying "We % want what's worst for everyone" and "We're just plain evil" are shown <12> % while the crowd is cheering. Next is the Democratic convention where % Stampy is booed along with "We hate life and ourselves" and "We can't % govern" signs. {mentioned in SCG by Chris K.} {mentioned in SCG by as201@freenet.carelton.ca} ==[ 1F16 ]=================================================== Burns' Heir === CUTS: 47 seconds GAINED: 83 seconds 20:02 / 21:25 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:03> (0:25) 7:32 / 7:57 Bart: Hello, Mr. ...Kurns. I bad want... money now. Me sick. Homer: Ooh, he card reads good. Bart: So pick please me, Mr. Burns. % Homer: [calling from offstage] It's "Kurns", stupid! <0:03> % Marge: No it's not! % Homer: Disregard. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:44> (0:58) 4:48 / 5:46 Krusty plays the pizza man, but finds out his old rerun features the invasion of the Falkland Islands. Oops. % Burns and Bart walk into a monitor room. % % Burns: This is my pride and joy. I've had hidden cameras planted in % every home in Springfield. I got that idea from that movie % "Sliver". [chuckles] What a delightful romp. % % Burns turns on the monitors, on which we can see: % - Homer's bathroom % - Moe talking to himself in a mirror, wearing fatigues. % - Reverend Lovejoy in church (and in whatever you call what he wears % in church) drinking from a (wine?) bottle % - A couple (who look something like Mrs. Krabappel and Jacques from % a distance) kissing % - Chief Wiggum in the bath, wearing his police cap and playing with <0:37> % a rubber duck % - Maude Flanders eating ice cream out of the carton % % Moe: [to mirror] Are you talking to me? There's no one else here; you % *must* be talking to me! % [a gun in a spring-clip whizzes up his sleeve and smashes the] % [mirror] % Well, that was an antique. Crap! % % Another screen shows Homer sneaking into the bathroom, locking the % door, and... eating the heads off tulips he brought. % % Homer: Oh yeah... so good... % Bart: So *that* explains his mysterious trip to Holland. ~~ Homer: Go to your room! Bart: No! This family stinks! Mr. Burns nurtures my destructive side. I'm suffocating here! % Homer: Bart, you listen... % Bart: Oh, go eat some flowers! [tosses some at Homer] <0:07> % Homer: Aah! My secret shame! % % Bart walks out of the living room and rides his bike to Burns' manor. {arehman@jupiter.scs.Ryerson.CA (Anvar Rehman)} ~~ ! The next scene was revealed in the 138th Episode Spectacular [3F31]: ! Chad Lehman adds: That's not to say it was "cut". The scene used in ! the original version of 1F16 is funny enough, IMHO. Homer: Bart, you're coming home. Bart: I want to stay here with Mr. Burns. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately. Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead. Do your worst. # Burns: "My worst", eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard # Simmons. # [a door open and said robot walks out] # Simmons: Come on, big boy! Shake that butter off those buns. # [speaker pops out of its head & plays "Shake Your Booty"] # Homer: Aah! [runs away] # Simmons: Come on, come on, girls! Shake, shake, shake! # Burns: Smithers, it's out of control. |0:43| # Smithers: I'll take him out, Sir! # [cocks shotgun, blasts it in the head] # [the hole closes up a la T2 and the dancing resumes] # Simmons: [slowing down] Shake, shake, shake! Shake, shake, shake! # Shake, shake, shake... # Smithers: His ass is going to blow! # [they all run in the house] # [the robot explodes, its head landing far away] {The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular [3F31]} ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 7:42 / 7:42 ==[ 1F18 ]======================= Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song === CUTS: 74 seconds GAINED: 91 seconds 19:52 / 21:23 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:25> (0:41) 7:01 / 7:41 View of Springfield Elementary. % In class, it is Nelson's turn at Show and Tell. % % Nelson: The ingredients were: fresh pureed tomatoes, water, salt, and <0:20> % sodium benzoate used to retard spoilage. Once again, if I'm % not mistaken, this can contained tomato paste. % Edna: Thank you, Nelson. I look forward to seeing it again next % week. Bart, you're up. <0:05> % [Bart walks up as a cardboard box follows him] Bart: Boys and girls, Mrs. Krabappel, I come before you today to solve a riddle that has plagued mankind for centuries: what has four legs and ticks? ~~~~~ ACT II <0:49> (0:50) 7:35 / 8:25 Bart: Yeah. I guess it is guilt. [scratches his head; a small spider bites him there] % Homer: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa -- lemme get this straight. They let % everybody out of school early just because you brought a dog? % Bart: Well, yeah, but -- % Homer: Well, I'm off to work. [picks up SLH] % Marge: The dog has had enough excitement. <0:25> % Homer: But Marge, dogs can never have enough excitement. Look. % [swings SLH around] Whee! Whee! [laughs] Whee! Whee! Yay... % [giving in] All right, all right. I won't take the dog. % [grabs Maggie] Come here! % [Marge growls and grabs her back] % Homer: [moans] ~~ Ned: Well, lemme just say I wanna put the "stew" back in "students". [everyone laughs] % Chalmers: It's just a damn popularity contest with you kids! <0:09> % [walks off] % Leopold: Now look what you've done, you little freaks! ~~ Bart reads Skinner's letter. "[...] I have re-enlisted in the United States Army. Sincerely, Sergeant Seymour Skinner." % Depressed, Bart goes to Luigi's restaurant. % % Bart: Table for one. % Luigi: Oh, you miss you friend, huh? Don't-ah you worry, my cook can <0:15> % surely cheer you up-ah. % [enters kitchen] Hey Salvatore, give-ah the ugly kid a plate % of the red-ah crap-ah! ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 5:17 / 5:17 ==[ 1F19 ]===================================== The Boy Who Knew Too Much === CUTS: 65 seconds GAINED: 65 seconds 19:59 / 21:04 No blackboard, no solo, 1F01 couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:28> (0:28) 8:20 / 8:48 Skinner rues that more students other than Martin didn't agree to have an electronic tracking device implanted in their skull. % Skinner decides to interrogate Lisa with the help of Willy. % % Willy: Spill it! Where's your brother? % Skinner: You better answer him, Lisa. He's a bad man. % Lisa: [giggles] % Skinner: What are you laughing about? % Lisa: You started off as the bad cop, but now you're the good one! <0:25> % You and Willy got mixed up about ten minutes ago. % Skinner: We did not! Now where's Bart? You better tell me! % Willy: Ooh, you better tell him, lassie. I cannot control him when % he gets like this! % Lisa: [laughs] Now the good cop! % Willy: What?! % Lisa: [laughs] {Don Del Grande (del_gran@ix.netcom.com)} ~~ Skinner: His brand of gum, doublemint. Trying to double your fun, eh, Bart? Well, I'll double your detention. <0:03> % Mmm. Wish someone was around to hear that. And so we enter... end game. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:03> (0:03) 5:48 / 5:51 Homer: Aw, jury duty? I'll see that Quimby kid hanged for this! Bart: [moans] <0:03> % Lisa: I knew it was a bad idea to watch him open the mail. {gsugar@blue.seas.upenn.edu (Gregory J Sugar)} ~~~~~ ACT III <0:34> (0:34) 5:51 / 6:25 Homer: Room service? Send up two more pot roasts and three more pillows with mints on them. % [hangs up] % Skinner: [picks up a cigar with his umbrella] % You know... we're kind of like the original odd couple. <0:11> % You're the messy one and I'm the... % Homer: Shut up! % Skinner: Oh, man, very well. {sfujimoto@delphi.com} ~~ Homer watches Free Wily (or some other sequel) on TV. % Later, he uses sheets tied together to lower a table out the window. % % Homer: Got it, Barn? % Barney: [below] Got what? [crash] Ow! <0:15> % Skinner: You're stealing a table? % Homer: I'm not stealing it. Hotels expect you to take a few things. % It's a souvenir. % Skinner: Ah. Is that my necktie you're wearing? % Homer: Souvenir. {sfujimoto@delphi.com} ~~ Skinner: [sighs] I'm a small man in some ways, Bart. A small, petty man. Three months detention. Bart: [groans] % [walks away] <0:08> % Skinner: Wait a minute, Bart. Make that... four months detention. {mentioned in SCG by dodetwil@nyx10.cs.du.edu} ==[ 1F21 ]========================================== Lady Bouvier's Lover === CUTS: 89 seconds GAINED: 89 seconds 19:54 / 21:23 ~~~~~ ACT I <0:21> (0:21) 6:30 / 6:51 Patty: Marge, I think that's your father-in-law across the street. [Abe knocks on door] Abe: [to black man who answers] Happy Birthday! % With everyone seated at the table, Marge brings Maggie in. % % Marge: Everybody get ready! Here comes the birthday girl, in her % very first dress. % Everyone: Aw! % Patty: She's a little angel. % Selma: Yeah. I want to put a hook in her and hang her from our % Christmas tree. % Abe: [loudly] What smells? % Marge: Uh oh. % <0:19> ~~ Hal Roach Apartments Retirement Living in the heart of the Cemetery District ! We get to see this sign 2 seconds less. No fuss. <0:02> ~~~~~ ACT II <0:47> (0:47) 6:03 / 6:50 % The doorbell rings, and Bart answers it expectantly. % % [Bart answers the door] % Man: Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson. % Bart: That's me! % Man: [punches Bart in the face] Don't write no more letters to Mr. % Sinatra. % [doorbell rings; Bart answers it] % Teenager: I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson. % Bart: Uh, that's me. % Teenager: [punches Bart in the face] Stop stealing golf balls from the % driving range! % [doorbell rings] % Man: [through door] Homer Simpson! I've got a, uh, special % delivery for you. % Bart: Go away! % Man: If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson, I cannot give you % your...special delivery. % [Bart looks through mail slot, sees man holding animation cel % rolled in cardboard] % Bart: [sighs with relief] [opens door] % Man: Here's your special delivery. % Bart: Thanks -- % Man: [punches Bart in the face] And that's for keeping me waiting. % % Bart opens the cel roll. <0:47> Bart: Hey, Lis! Guess who's got a genuine Itchy and Scratchy animation cel? ~~~~~ ACT III <0:21> (0:21) 7:21 / 7:42 Jasper: Uh oh. Better call the nurse. % Burns takes Jackie to an Italian restaurant. Luigi, the chef, finishes % playing a serenade on the violin. % % Burns: Bravissimo, Luigi! Bring us your finest bottle of vino! % Luigi: Hey, you trust-ah Luigi, huh? He knows-ah what for to make-ah % really nice the amore. % Jackie: Oh, Monty, I've never been to a more romantic restaurant. % Luigi: [entering kitchen] Hey, Salvatore! Break out the cheap hooch % for Mr. No-Tip and the dried-up-ah zombie he's-ah captured! % <0:20> ~~ ! And yet another extra second coming from nowhere. Rounding errors I guess. ==[ 1F20 ]============================== Secrets of a Successful Marriage === CUTS: 85 seconds GAINED: 85 seconds 19:58 / 21:23 No blackboard, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <1:13> (1:13) 7:56 / 9:09 Homer: How come you're not laughing? Do you think I'm slow? Bart: Bah... [looks away] Lisa: Snah... [looks away] [Maggie sucks her pacifier] % Marge: We don't think you're slow... but on the other hand, it's not % like you go to museums or read books or anything. % Homer: You think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge: they <0:29> % won't let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher % and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once, % just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves, [puts head on table, % pounds fist] but they won't! They won't let me live! [sobs] ~~ Patty: At this point, I'd like to remind you there are no refunds. % In the next class, Moe teaches "Funk Dancing for Self-Defense". % % Moe: All right, here's the 4-1-1, folks. Say some gangsta is dissin' % your fly girl. You just give 'em one of these. <0:18> % % A rap beat begins and Moe begins to break. After a backflip, he grabs % a shotgun at blasts three rounds into the air -- much to the surprise % and discomfort of his students. {mentioned in SCG by st654@jetson.uh.edu} ~~ Homer: [pointing] No talking! [clears throat] Uh... % Hmm... % [zoom-out] % Hmm... Oh! Hmm... No. <0:13> % [zoom-in] % Uh... Hmm... % Skinner: Um... [raises hand] How about if we tell you about our problems with relashionships? ~~ Homer: For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin, then the sweet, sweet innards... [devours it] Apu: I don't understand...? % Willy: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I would have taken the % orange-eating class! % [in the orange-eating class in question] <0:12> % Hans: The eating of an orange is a lot like a good marriage. % Abe: Just eat the damn oranges! % [back in Homer's class, the students are grumbling] [and they leave] {mentioned in SCG by st654@jetson.uh.edu} ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (----) 4:18 / 4:18 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:12> (0:12) 7:44 / 7:56 # Don Del Grande mentions: # A scene from the commercial (Marge tells Patty and Selma that "the # house is less sticky since he left") never appears (nothing new # about that). ~~ Homer: All right, Brain, it's all up to you. If you don't think of what it is, we'll lose Marge forever. % Brain: Eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the % pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat % the pudding <0:12> % Homer: Okay. But then we gotta get to work. % [pigs out] % % In the house, Marge is moaning on the couch. Outside, Moe has chosen to pay her a visit. {mentioned by SCG's previous maintainer} ==[ ---- ]===================================================================