The Simpsons Archive's Simpsons Syndication Cuts Guide Season Three (1991-1992) "Syndication... is there anything they can't do?" Version 2.25 - 07 Apr 2001 Last updated 04 Oct 2003 Maintained by Matt Garvey Guide created by Frederic Briere Contributions from Chad Lehman and Tim Reardon [==========================[Season Three Summary]===========================] Story cut episodes: All except 8F03, 8F04, 8F11, 8F12, 8F13, 8F15, 8F19, 8F23. Compressed episodes: All the above, plus 8F02. Changed content: 8F04, 8F07 Story time cut: 13:57 (13 min 57 sec) Total time gained: 22:46 (22 min 46 sec) Notes: 8F02 had both compression and significant cuts. ==[ 7F24 ]============================================== Stark Raving Dad === CUTS: 77 seconds GAINED: 77 seconds 19:38 / 20:55 No blackboard, no solo, 1F01 couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:45> (0:45) 5:34 / 6:19 Bart: [annoyed] Okay! It's done! I'm doing it! Birthday gift coming your way! Lisa: Oh, thank you. [hugs Bart] % Bart and Maggie eat breakfast, while Marge works. % % Marge: Bart, watch Maggie while I get the laundry. % Bart: Can do... Mmm [reads cereal box--] % % -------------------- % | KIDS! CALL THE | % | KRUSTY HOTLINE | % | DIAL | % | 1-909-O-U-KLOWN | % | [Krusty holding | % | phone] | % -------------------- % % Bart: ...Krusty hotline... % <0:45> % Bart leaps up and grabs the phone. He dials and listens... % % Krusty: Hi, kids! You've reached the Krusty Hot-Line! If you % haven't asked your parents' permission-- naughty naughty! % But, Krusty forgives you. ($2 for the first minute, 50 cents % for each additional minute.) [laughs and laughs and laughs] % Thanks for for calling, kids! A new message every day! % % Meanwhile, Maggie takes a ride on the ceiling fan. Marge comes % upstairs with the laundry. Alarmed, Marge takes Maggie down, burps % her... and scolds Bart. % % Marge: Maggie! Bart, I asked you to watch your sister... % Bart: I tried to stop her, but she overpowered me! % % Annoyed, Maggie spits her pacifier at Bart, hitting his forehead. Homer: [frantic] Who stole my shirt? Who stole my shirt?! ! The first half of Homer's line overlaps an establishing shot of ! the house, not used in the original. ! A little nitpick =) Bart dials just 7 numbers, while the whole ! hotline number is [apparently] 11 digits. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:30> (0:30) 4:16 / 4:46 Homer: [goes walleyed; blubbers his lips with his finger] % Bart drinks a soda as he and Lisa watch Itchy and Scratchy's % "Bang the Cat Slowly"... % % Music: --Scratchy show! [gong] % % I & S sit at a table, with a "Happy Birthday Scratchy" banner hanging % over it. Itchy grabs a box, to Scratchy's delight, then a lit bomb, % to his dismay. Itchy drops it in the box. % % Scratchy: [screaming] <0:30> % % Itchy grabs Scratchy's tongue, using it as a bow to wrap the present. % Itchy pulls the present, and it rebounds into Scratchy's throat. It % explodes, [of course]. The party hat lands on his neck first, and % then Scratchy's head is impaled on it. Lisa and Bart laugh heartily. % % Lisa: Bart, in the split second before he died, % I bet Scratchy appreciated his birthday present. % Do you see how this relates to us? % Bart: [happily] Hey, you want that once-a-year, empty gesture? You % got it, Sis. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:02> (0:02) 9:48 / 9:50 <0:02> % After Lisa slams the front door, the sound of her footsteps are cut. Homer tries to wash away the INSANE stamp. Homer: [scrubbing in sink] Grrr! Come off! Rrrr! I'm now! ==[ 8F01 ]=================================== Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington === CUTS: 65 seconds GAINED: 65 seconds 19:55 / 21:00 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:26> (0:26) 6:29 / 6:55 Homer: [reading] Then I heard the sound that all Arctic explorers dread... the pitiless bark of the sea lion! [gasp] He'll be killed! Marge: Homer, he obviously got out alive if he wrote the article. Homer: Don't be so... [flips ahead] Oh, you're right. % A smiling, spectacled Homer reads "They call me Dr. Soybean" in bed. % % Marge: Homey... [sexy] put down your magazine for a minute... % Homer: [oblivious] Heh? % Marge: [eskimo kisses his cheek] Mmmmmm I thought you might wanna... <0:26> % snuggle. % Homer: [rolling his eyes] That reminds me... [flips to front of book] % Homer: [reads] Seven ways to spice up your marriage. % [ahem] [reads woodenly] Marge, you have a nice body. And if % you'd like to see me in a costume, you have only to ask. % Marge: Thank you, Homey. The meatloaf men sizzle on the plate. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:39> (0:39) 6:23 / 7:02 Lisa: [suspicious] What'd you to it? Bart: [teasing] Nothing! Lisa: [yelling] Mom!! % At two in the morning, the phone rings and Homer answers. % % Homer: [waking] What the--? D'Oh! Stupid welcoming mint! <0:17> % [stuck to his head] [cooly] Yello... % Bart: [plugging nose] Good morning, this is your wake-up call. % Homer: Wake-up call...? [checks watch] It’s 2 A.M. % Bart: Sorry, fatso. [hangs up the phone and laughs with Lisa] Shot of Watergate Homer's Voice: Free food?! ~~ ! Bear with this next cut, as it was hard to time. The co-author of ! the cuts guide for 8F01 originally listed this as a compression cut. Homer: What does the "I" stand for again? Guide: [upset] Oh! [first cringe] % [second cringe] % <0:01> % First note of protestor's whistling is cut, as he walks from the left % of the screen to the middle. ! A nitpicky, difficult cut to nail down, but we got it :) ~~ Barbara Bush: Ugh, you have those damn badges. Okay... [playing tour guide] This tub was installed in 1894... % At the US Mint, huge machines print giant sheets of money. % % Homer: Mmmmmm, money... Ugh... % % Homer drools over the railing, and it hits a worker on the head. % <0:21> % Man: [Charles Bronson voice] Hey, watch it chief! % Tour guide: Folks, we print more than 18 million bills a day. % Oh, and uh--[chuckling] in case you were wondering, no, % we-- we don't give out free samples. % [tour group chuckles] % Homer: [bitter] Lousy cheap country... Bart's bomb whistle is heard outside the National Air and Space museum. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 7:03 / 7:03 ==[ 7F23 ]========================================== When Flanders Failed === CUTS: 37 seconds GAINED: 37 seconds 19:38 / 20:15 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:08> (0:08) 4:55 / 5:03 Maude: Well, what'd you wish for, Homer? Ned: No! No no no, don't say. Otherwise, it won't come true. Homer: [taunting] Ooo, that would be a ... [bites hamburger] ...wouldn't it, Flanders...? [evil chuckle] Homer laughs harder, and harder... % and begins to choke on the burger. <0:08> % He turns red, choking. Ned gasps, and slaps Homer's back. Homer turns % purple. Fade to black. Homer chokes... ~~~~~ ACT II <0:29> (0:29) 9:08 / 9:37 Marge: Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister. % Cut to end of Itchy & Scratchy's "Burning Love" from 7G12. Scratchy's % on fire, screaming. Quickly, the credits roll... Most names are % Asian. Bart reclines in the furniture section of the mall department % store, watching I & S on a wall of TVs. % % TV: They fought, and bit, they fought % Bart: [humming, eating a snack] % TV: ...they fought, they bit, fought fought fought...bit % bit bit... this was the Itchy and Scratchy % Bart: [chuckles] % TV: ...show! % Bart: [checks watch] Uh, oh! Gotta get back to karate class! % [leaps off couch running] % % Bart runs down the hall grunting, and jumps over a fountain. % % He runs through the back room of a food court restaurant, where % people mop the floor. % % Bart: [running] Missed a spot! % Man: Stupid kid! % % He runs by a man taking a cigarette break. He leaps over a toppled % trash can, past Jasper. % <0:29> % Bart: Ungh! % % Bart runs up the down escalator. Alarmed people drop packages... % % Bart: All right, outta my way, coming through, move it or lose it. % Step aside lady... % % Man on payphone: [sexy] Mmmm... Baby... % % The sign outside the karate studio reads: % % ---------------------- % | K A R A T E | % | | % | [pic of dragon] | % | | % | K E N P O | % ---------------------- % % Bart yanks the door open, and runs in, just as Homer rounds the % corner. Bart immediately walks back out. % % Homer: Hey, boy! How was class? % Bart: Today we learned how to rip a man’s heart out and show it to % him before he dies. % Homer: Oooh, that’ll learn 'em. Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney walk out of the Leftorium. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 5:35 / 5:35 ==[ 8F03 ]============================================= Bart the Murderer === GAINED: 68 seconds 19:41 / 20:49 No blackboard, no solo, 1F01 couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:13) 4:31 / 4:44 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:32) 8:11 / 8:43 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:23) 6:59 / 7:22 * Compression ends once out of the courthouse. ==[ 8F04 ]================================================= Homer Defined === CUTS: 1 second GAINED: 68 seconds 19:41 / 20:49 No blackboard, no solo, 1F01 couch ! For totally incomprehensible reasons, two lines from this episode ! were dubbed when FOX reran the episode. Even more strangely, ! syndicators chose to stick by the original lines. Go figure... ! ! (Thanks to Jason Hancock for setting me straight on this!) ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:23) 8:08 / 8:31 Orig.> Burns: Oh, Smithers, I guess there's nothing left but kiss my sorry butt good-bye. 2nd > Burns: Oh, Smithers, I guess there's nothing left to do but kiss my sorry ass good-bye. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:01> (0:20) 5:00 / 5:20 <01> % One second is cut at the start of the act. ~~ Orig.> Bart: Bad incluence, my ass! 2nd > Bart: Bad influence, my butt! ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:25) 6:33 / 6:58 ==[ 8F05 ]======================================= Like Father, Like Clown === CUTS: 67 seconds GAINED: 67 seconds 19:42 / 20:49 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:05> (0:05) 6:02 / 6:07 Marge: Hello? Lois: Mrs. Simpson? This is Lois Pennycandy, Krusty the Klown's executive assistant. Marge: Oh, hello Mrs. Pennycandy. <03> % Lois: [sighs] It's *miss* Pennycandy, I can assure you. ~~ Krusty is scrubbing his shower. Krusty: Lousy mildew! [grumbles] <02> % [grunts] Ah, it's good enough. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:39> (0:39) 6:29 / 7:08 Bart: Krusty, do you think about your father a lot? Krusty: All the time. Except when I'm at the track; then it's all business. View of the house outside, late at night. % It's almost midnight, Lisa has fallen asleep in an armchair, and % Marge sleepily turns off the lights and picks up the dishes, as % Homer, Bart, and Milhouse drowsily watch Krusty leaf excitedly % through a family photo album. % % Krusty: Oh, look! Aww... Hmm... % ["Bart's first haircut" with Homer struggling him; taped % beside the picture is a triangle -- a piece of Bart's hair] % Oh-ho-ho, look at you, Bart... <26> % ["Bart learns to swim" as Homer throws him in the pool] % Oh, isn't that fun... % ["Duff Gardens": Homer riding on a rollercoaster, holding % Bart up in the air] % Ooh, hey, whoa! % ["4th of July": Bart surreptitiously lights the firecracker % Homer is holding while drinking a beer] % Oh... 4th of July. % I can't believe that little boy in the pictures is you, Bart. % Bart: Yeah. I got a lot of fond memories... [yawms] Marge: Well, look at the time. Almost midnight. Krusty: Do you have any yearbooks? Homer: No, that's it; you've seen everything. ! Marge's line happened during a pan of camera -- that's why it is ! leaping over the view of the house in syndication. ! ! BTW, Homer's line makes much more sense in the original version. ~~ Krusty passes by many magazines, including "Modern Jewish Father". % He spends a part of the night in the bus depot, watching a coin-op % TV. % <13> % TV: Academy Award Playhouse now returns you to Hercules vs. the % Martians. % [TV goes off, Krusty puts in a quarter] % TV: Welcome to our spaceship, mighty Hercules. Hahahaha. Back at home, he tries to call his father, but hangs up. {Ricardo Lafaurie } ~~~~~ ACT III <0:23> (0:23) 7:11 / 7:34 ! Andrew Chia-Tso Ku reports: ! In the Jackie Mason episode, Krusty's dad originally said "Isaac ! Basheveis Singer", but after the show was completed and awaiting ! broadcast, Singer died so they had to fly in Jackie Mason again ! just to rerecord the line as "Saul Bellow". (Freeze framers can ! probably check this out.) ~~ Lisa: [tired] Here you go, Bart. It's a long shot, but that's all I can do without learning ancient Hebrew. % Bart: [stares at her] <05> % Lisa: Bart! I am *not* gonna learn ancient Hebrew!! {kisman@ms2 (Derek Kisman)} {Ricardo Lafaurie } ~~ % Krusty is not in the mood to do his show, as he grunts and struggles % to tear that paper-wall-with-his-face-on-it-thingie. % <18> % Krusty: Yeah yeah yeah... Hi kids... Today's show's gonna be the % funniest, side-splittingest cavalcade of... Aw, the hell with % it. Roll the cartoon. He goes backstage, as Bart and Lisa bring in someone else. ==[ 8F02 ]======================================== Treehouse of Horror II === CUTS: 39 seconds GAINED: 94 seconds 20:18 / 21:52 ~~~~~ TEASER <----> (0:02) 0:29 / 0:31 ~~~~~ ACT I <0:10> (0:31) 7:42 / 8:13 Lisa declares world peace. UN representatives finally get along. Everybody tosses their guns into a foundry. % The Pentagon becomes Five Corners Mall. <0:10> % Nuclear silos are converted to playgrounds; % a child anagrams the sign "DANGER" into "GARDEN". ~~~~~ ACT II <0:29> (0:43) 5:30 / 6:13 Marge: Hadn't you better get ready for school? Bart: Okay. [walks off] % Homer: He gets it from your side of the family, you know. No monsters <0:05> % on side. % [fire starts again in the curtains; Marge puts it off] {vctr113062@aol.com} ~~ Moe: I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt. [the bar denizens laugh at that one] Barney: That's a new one! Moe: Wait a minute... % [at the other end, Bart laughs his heart out, followed by a % [forced laughter from Mrs. Krabappel] % P.A.: One more time... <0:14> % [pitch tone] [singing] Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello % my rag-time gal. % Double-time, now. % Bart: I love school... ~~ Krusty: [laughs sickly] Well, we're still on. Three hundred and forty-six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who... who WON'T LET ME STOP!!! [delirious] % Anyway, now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any <0:09> % more of those legal over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his! % [children cheer] ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:18) 6:37 / 6:55 ==[ 8F06 ]=================================================== Lisa's Pony === CUTS: 69 seconds GAINED: 69 seconds 19:41 / 20:50 No blackboard, no solo, no couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:05> (0:05) 5:28 / 5:33 % To the strains of Offenbach's Can-Can, Sherri throws knives at Terri, <04> % who is spinning on a wooden disc. (Or is it Terri and Sherri?) Lisa: Mom, where is he? If I don't get that reed, I'll sound terrible! ! Note that you can still see S&T in the background while Lisa is ! talking. ~~ <01> % CBC cut a second at the end of this act. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:28> (0:28) 6:21 / 6:49 <01> % CBC cut a second at the end of this act. ~~ Marge tries to dissuade Homer from buying a pony, but he manages to trick her with intellegible replies. % The next day, he makes a stop at "All Creatures Great and Cheap" % (where "You Pet It, You Bought It"). % % Owner: Oh my! What is that smell? [sees Homer] Oh, it's you. % Homer: Excuse me, do you sell ponies? <27> % Owner: Uh... sure, pal. Right here. [directs him to a dog] % Homer: [reading the sign] "Scottish deerhound". Hey! This is a dog! % Owner: Oh, my friend, you're smarter than I gave you credit for! % I suggest you try the pony farm on route 401. Merely take a % left at the rendering plant. Following this advice, Homer visits "The Grateful Gelding Stables". ! One reference flushed down the drain: this pet shop is where Lisa ! will get her hamster in Duffless [9F14]. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:36> (0:36) 7:52 / 8:28 % Grampa is playing some kind of crappy Galaga-like videogame with the % "help" of Bart. % % Grampa: [fumbling with the joystick] What do I do? What do I do? % Bart: Grampa, if you want to go to the right, % Grampa: Yes? % Bart: move the joystick to the left. % Grampa: Yes, move the... what's a joystick?! You didn't tell me...? % Bart: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! % Here comes a Xylon Cruiser! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! <24> % Grampa: A Xylon Cruiser!? % Bart: Move to the % hyperspace! Right here! Hit it! % Grampa: Wait! WHERE'S THE HYPERSPACE?! % Bart: Grampa, you're the spaceship, not the... % Grampa: I'm the what? I thought I was *this* guy... % [the ship explodes -- Game Over] % Grampa: Ooh... % Bart: Game's over, Grampa. % Grampa: I got down on the floor for this!? Homer walks by. Lisa: Wait, dad, I got something for you. [kisses him] Homer: Oh... I was hoping it'd be money. ! Note (once again) that you can still see the video game in ! background. ~~ % At the Fiesta Terrace (For Single Living): % % Kashmir: Come on, Apu honey, loosen up. % Apu: Ohh! I'm sorry, baby. While I'm here pleasuring you, my % store is going down the tubes. % Kashmir: [sighs] He's right indeed, as Homer is snoring at his post. Nonetheless, he can still count on Ned's honor to pay for his purchases before leaving. Ned: 3 dollars and 51... 52... 53 cents. [chuckles] [Ned leaves as Apu comes in] Apu: Homer, you are asleep at your post! Now go change the expiration date on the dairy products. Homer: Yes sir. Apu: [to Princess Kashmir] Sorry baby, date's over. ! Yet *another* butchered reference: this is where Jacques lived in ! Jacques to be Wild [7G11]. Not mentioning that Apu's last line -- and ! Princess Kashmir's presence for that matter -- lose sense in ! syndication. ==[ 8F07 ]========================================== Saturdays of Thunder === Synd.> CUTS: 57+seconds GAINED: 33+seconds 19:44 / 20:17 / 20:41+ Short> CUTS: 1+seconds GAINED: 24+seconds No blackboard, no solo, original couch ! This is, without a single hesitation, the most heavily edited episode ! there is. Those people must have spent a hell of a lot of time ! working on this episode -- not to mention the time *I* spent watching ! it over and over. ! ! The first airing was cut to make time for the premiere of the "Black ! or White" video. It seems that this version was the one used in ! syndication as well, though my timings don't match Raymond Chen's. ! ! As for the second airing (the one I have), it was compressed (!) and ! cut in one instance. It had a complete opening as well, though one ! capsule reports the blackboard punishment to be "Hamsters don't fly", ! whereas my copy and another capsule go with "I will not fake rabies". ! ! I'll try to do my best with what I've got. Timings for the syndicated ! version are relative to the original, compressed episode, while ! timings for this latter version are relative to an uncut, ! uncompressed version -- if such a thing exists. Scenes noted with {c} ! were reported in the "newer", though un-official capsule. ~~~~~ ACT I <0:28> (0:17) 6:53 / 7:10 / 7:21+ [short] <----> (0:11) Marge: Homer, can you get the door? It's my sisters. Homer: [shudders] % Marge: Homer, be nice. <03> % Homer: Okay, I will, I will. ~~ ! The VHS Village and beauty parlor scenes were swapped in the ! syndicated and first-airing versions. % Because of this, the fade-in from the driveway to the VHS village had <01> % to be cut. ~~ Homer: Ho ho! Football's Greatest Injuries. Lisa, we're going! % Lisa: But dad, I can't find "Happy Little Elves in Tinkly-Winkly <06> % Town". {c} % Homer: Just grab something. *All* these movies are great! ~~ At home, Homer watches the videotape... TV: They called him the Galloping % Gazelle. % [football player prances ballet-like across the field] % His habitat: the frozen tundra of Soldier Field. % [The player does a double somersault into the end zone] <14> % For six seasons and two Pro Bowls, he grazed on the tasty green {c} % turf of the end zone. Until one fateful Sunday in November, when % the Gazelle was stopped in his tracks... % [hand reaches out and grabs the GG's face mask, snapping his % [neck] % by a big cat named Wayne Scheshevski. ! The remaining lines were dubbed to: TV: The compound fracture, truly one of football's greatest injuries. ~~ Marge: "What are your son's hobbies?" % Homer: Well he's always chewing on that phone cord. <04> % Marge: He hasn't done that since he was two. {c} % Homer: Then he has no hobby. ! Homer's last line was replaced by "Kids don't have hobbies!" ! That's a 5-syllable line over a 4-syllable animation. If you look ! closely, you'll see the difference. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:19> (0:07) 7:35 / 7:42 / 7:54+ [short] <----> (0:12) Martin: Well, if you'll excuse me, I've booked some time at the wind tunnel. <01> % [walks away] [a car pulls off in front of the house] [two men come off and take Homer with them] ~~ At the trials... Homer: I like our chances, son. Man: Urgh... % Your father's not supposed to help build your racer, but you <04> % should at least consult him about it. {c} % Homer: D'oh! Guy: You're in heat four. ~~ All cars are lined up for the trial race. % Homer: Are you nervous son? % Bart: Don't worry dad. As three-time soapbox derby champion Ronnie % Beck said: "Gravity is my copilot". % <14> % Nelson's bullies approach him. {c} % % Bully: Hey boss... [hands a knife] Just in case you need it. % Nelson: Aw... thanks guys. [bangs their heads together] Now get % outta here! Martin: Oh... Why... I--I didn't realize this hill was so high. C--Could I have another minute... * The background music started later in syndication; it was probably * compressed to fit in the reduced amount of time. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:10> (0:09) 5:16 / 5:25 / 5:26+ [short] <0:01> (0:01) Homer: Dr. Hibbert, Lisa needs a... [sees Martin] You! Home-wrecker! <06> % Martin: Mr. Simpson, you have every right to be angry, but rest {c} % assured, your son loves you. Homer: [growls] Martin: [screams] [runs away] Hibbert: [chuckles] Well, you certainly gave that boy the heebie-jeebies. The next morning, at sunrise, people are busy sweeping the stands, <02> % setting up the "Official Soapbox T-Shirts" stand, {c} and putting up the "Springfield Soapbox Finals" banner. ~~ Marge: Homer, I've always said you were a good father. I've always defended you when people put you down. Selma: That's for sure. <01> % Patty: She ain't lying. {c} ~~ ! The next cut occurred in the *original* version. TV: Good morning everybody, and welcome to an event that harkens back to the care-free days of the great depression: the soapbox derby. <01> / Homer: [slups] TV: In just minutes, these junior Al Unser Jr.'s will lock horns. ~~ * In syndication, the song "You are the wind beneath my wings" is * compressed (NOT the animation, just the song) <01> % allowing for the credits to be cut earlier. ==[ 8F08 ]=================================================== Flaming Moe === CUTS: 65 seconds GAINED: 65 seconds 19:41 / 20:46 ~~~~~ ACT I <0:44> (0:44) 6:21 / 7:05 ! Right at the start... % "Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and this is `Eye on Springfield'!" Followed by % disco music and an absurd montage of various Springfield sites, with % generous helpings of women in bikinis. % % Homer: Wow! Info-tainment! <0:44> Kent: Tonight, we salute the silver anniversary of the Great Springfield Tire Yard Fire. Twenty-five years, and still burning strong! ! Kent's line starts while the camera is still showing Homer. In syndication, ! they start it on the 'Eye on Springfield' screen. No music, no opening. ~~ # Bart was hiding in the closet when Lisa's slumber party-ers went after him. # # {Toonhead@tiac.net (Joseph D. Cabrera)} ~~~~~ ACT II <0:16> (0:16) 7:06 / 7:22 % Martin: So the next time you use a gas chromatograph, remember to thank % Mr. A. J. P. Martin. % Ms. K: [applauding] Oh, brilliant, Martin, brilliant! Once again, you've % wrecked the grading curve. Oh, I pity the poor student who has % to follow you. [consults her sheet] <0:16> Bart Simpson, you're next. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:05> (0:05) 6:14 / 6:19 Homer: [sickly sweet] Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! [leaves the room, slamming the door] % [pokes his head back in] Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic. % [closes the door] % Marge: Well, DUH! {Posted by lee@g2.rmc.ca (Haynes Lee)} ! Haynes adds: "Fortunately, the cutted segment was shown again in [3F31]." ! I wonder what will become of this when [3F31] is syndicated... ==[ 8F09 ]================================= Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 43 seconds 19:37 / 20:18 ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (----) 7:36 / 7:36 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (----) 5:39 / 5:39 ! Maybe the next cut was a glitch from my local feed -- it's the start of the ! act after all -- but it might also be political correctness... ! It's in my syndicated version, so it was probably just a glitch. My guess ! is a cut along these lines would leave the viewers confused, and thus a PC ! syndication-chopper would likely remove the word "lousy". For the record, ! the section is question is below. [-mg] ! ! % Lenny: Those lousy Germans can't fire me. ! I'm the only one knows how to unjam the rod bottom dissociator. ! % <0:02> ~~~~~ ACT III <0:41> (0:41) 6:22 / 7:03 Homer: No problems here... % At the park, Jasper, Abe, and a third man are playing bocce with Burns. % % Japser: That's right Burnsie. Keep your wrist supple. Throw it, don't aim % it. % [Burns merely drops the ball, all others start laughing] % Burns: This is my park! Get out! % Abe: [laughing] It was worth it. % % <0:17> ~~ The new owners see icky glop seeping out of cracks in the cooling tower and find raccoons in the consoles. % Burns is playing beekeeper... % % Burns: That's right. Gather the nectar, my little drones. And make the % honey. Honey for your children... % Fools! [laughs evilly] % [Smithers comes by] % Smithers: Ready for that drink sir? % Burns: Just a second Smithers. Let me introduce you to the gang. % That's Buzz, that's Honey, and you see that queen over there? Her % name is Smithers. % Smithers: [chuckles] That's very flattering sir, but we should go; several % bees are stinging me. % <0:24> ==[ 8F10 ]=============================================== I Married Marge === CUTS: 39 seconds GAINED: 39 seconds 19:40 / 20:19 ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (----) 7:25 / 7:25 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:39> (0:39) 6:44 / 7:23 At the job interview, Smithers recognizes the other two as frat brothers at Alpha Tau. They do the frat handshake... % ... then sing a college song. Homer tries to join their singing, but fails % miserably. <0:09> ~~ Homer works at the Pitiless Pup Attack Dog School, but not for long. % Next, he attends a `Million$ for Nothing' seminar. % % Speaker: First, let me assure you that this is not one of those shady % pyramid schemes you've been hearing about. No sir. Our model is % the trapezoid! % % The speaker hears a siren outside and leaps out the window (through the % glass) in panic. <0:30> ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 5:31 / 5:31 ==[ 8F11 ]==================================================== Radio Bart === GAINED: 41 seconds 19:40 / 20:21 ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:19) 6:30 / 6:49 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:22) 7:30 / 7:52 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 5:40 / 5:40 ==[ 8F12 ]================================================ Lisa the Greek === GAINED: 94 seconds 19:40 / 21:14 ! Before the syndication era, FOX was known to change the name of the teams ! for the ones playing the Super Bowl that year. Of course, doing that with ! syndicated stations over North America would mean hell, so it seems this ! habit is now gone. ! In his capsule, Raymond Chen mentions: ! "The lip-synch is off whenever a character says `Washington', `Redskins' or ! `Buffalo' because when the episode was animated, they didn't know who was ! going to be in the Super Bowl. I tried to read lips, and I think ! `Washington Redskins' was originally recorded as `Minnesota Vikings'. I ! can't figure out what `Buffalo' originally was." ! And yes, this episode is highly compressed compared to others. ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:36) 7:39 / 8:15 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:30) 6:07 / 6:37 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:28) 5:54 / 6:22 ==[ 8F14 ]=={ dv }=========================================== Homer Alone === CUTS: 37 seconds GAINED: 37 seconds 20:00 / 20:37 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:18> (0:18) 4:58 / 5:16 Eddie: She's locked in the car and refuses to move. Wiggum: Did you flash your lights? Eddie: Yes. Wiggum: [thinks] Well, I'm fresh out of ideas. % Otto takes the opportunity to sunbathe atop the bus. % % Otto: All right! A chance to catch some rays % % A mobster honks his horn and yells, "Come on! I got a body in the % trunk!" <0:18> % % Krusty scolds Mr. Teeny for screwing around with the car radio. % Krusty: Mr. Teeny, stop fiddling with the buttons... OH NOW YOU'VE % GOTTEN CHOCOLATE ALL OVER EVERYTHING! Arnie is joined by Kent Brockman. Kent is lowered from the helicopter (wearing a helmet-mounted camera) for an exclusive interview. But he is given too much slack and falls past the bridge. As they try to pull him back up, he bounces against the brick-faced bridge. ("Ow!") ~~~~~ ACT II <0:19> (0:19) 9:22 / 9:41 Troy: Today's selections are... Some other announcer: Thelma and Louise, The Happy Little Elves Meet Fuzzy Snuggleduck, and The Erotic Awakening of S. % The shameless promotion continues. Troy pays a visit to the kitchen. % % Troy: Chef Rodrigo (sp?), what are you up to? % Chef: Well, taste for yourself, Troy <0:13> % Troy: Mmmm mmmm, that can't be good for me, it tastes too good. % Chef: That's where you're wrong Troy. This whole pot is only 14 % calories % Troy: [slaps his face in the usual fashion] Troy gets a massage. Marge follows the instructions and dials for service. ~~ Homer enlists the aid of a staple gun to change Maggie's diaper. % Homer entertains Maggie with a puppet show, but SLH attacks the <0:06> % puppets (and Homer as well). Maggie applauds. Back at Rancho Relaxo, Marge gets a massage. {millsbn@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca (Bruce Mills)} ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 5:40 / 5:40 ==[ 8F16 ]================================================ Bart the Lover === CUTS: 95 seconds GAINED: 95 seconds 19:40 / 21:15 Original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:31> (0:31) 7:20 / 7:51 Man: You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc, Jimmy. Well, now your car has no battery. % Jimmy: But I promised Betty I'd pick her up by 6. I better give her a % call. <0:05> % [in class, Milhouse is sleeping, Martin running the % [projector, [Bart yawning and Nelson carving his desk with a knife.] ! I've heard rumors about the suicide scene being cut out, but that ! was left it -- to my surprise, I must say. ~~ In the auditorium, Skinner is trying to calm down the children. Skinner: Enough! People. People! <0:03> % All right. You know, I can wait just as long as you. [pauses] KNOCK IT OFF! ~~ At school, Bart demonstrates that his yo-yo tricks are by far superiors than Nelson's. % Back at home, he practices even more. "Marge, come here" calls Homer, % as they both proudly watch their son passing his yo-yo under his % shorts and t-shirt, defying almost every physics law there is. % % Homer: Can you believe it!? Pretty soon, I'll be able to quit my job % and live off the boy. <0:23> % Marge: What? Name me one person who's gotten rich by doing yo-yo % tricks! % Homer: [thinks] Donald Trump? ... No. % Arnold Palmer? ... No. % Bill Cosby! ... No. % [pause] % [out loud] D'oh! {vctr113062@aol.com (Vctr113062)} ~~~~~ ACT II <0:58> (0:58) 7:27 / 8:25 Ned punishes Todd for saying a bad word, % and guess whom he turns to next? % % Helen: [sarcastically] Ned Flanders is on the phone. % Rev: [about to dig into his chilled dessert] Oh, if this about that % stupid quarter again, I... % [reluctantly, to phone] Hello, Ned... % Ned: Sorry to bother you, Reverand Lovejoy, but I-- I'm kind of in % a tizzy. Our son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his % damn vegetables. <0:37> % Rev: Well, you know kids and vegetables... What was it, asparagus? % Ned: No, no, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word! % Rev: [realizes] Oh, oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these % things stuff up from . Find out who's doing it and, % er... direct 'em to the Bible. % Ned: in the Bible? % Rev: Uh... Page 900. [quickly hangs up] % Ned: But Rever--- [click] % Rev: [looks down at his dessert, which has melted] Damn Flanders. {vctr113062@aol.com (Vctr113062)} ~~ Ned: I'm afraid I have a bone to pick with you. Homer: Look, if it's about the camcorder, I it, okay? Ned: [chuckles] No... I-- I came to talk to you about your... potty-mouth. % Homer: What the hell are you talking about? <0:08> % Ned: Look, Homer. All of us pull a few now and then, go % off , make of ourselves, so... I don't want to be on you, but I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys. {npyuran } ~~ Homer: Well, Marge, self-improvement has always been a passion of mine. Bring in the swear jar. % [turns off the light] % Do I have to pay if I hit my hand with a hammer? % Marge: Yes, Homer. % Homer: What if I catch on fire? <0:13> % Marge: No, Homer. % Homer: What if I see something really weird in the sky? % Marge: Yes, Homer. % Homer: What about when we snuggle? % Marge: Mmm. That's okay. {Ricardo Lafaurie } ~~~~~ ACT III <0:06> (0:06) 4:53 / 4:59 At chuch, Homer contributes to the collection plate. Bart: Homer, that was a 20. Homer: Da...! [26 cents go in the jar] % At the bowling alley, all pins go down but one, which stops wabbling % and stands up again. <0:06> % % Homer: Oh, you son of a...! % [92 cents join the lot] {cpal@chat.carleton.ca (Chris Pal)} ==[ 8F13 ]============================================== Homer At The Bat === GAINED: 70 seconds 19:25 / 20:35 No blackboard, 1F01 couch ! I don't know why, but the timing on my first capsule was WAY off... ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:19) 5:05 / 5:24 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:25) 6:35 / 7:00 ! At least two scenes were removed, which were probably intended to be in the ! second act -- I guess. # In the capsule, Brian Mathason points out an article # which appeared in the 27 Jan 92 issue of Sports Illustrated. Here's an # extract: # # Not everyone appreciated Swartzwelder's sense of humor, however. "One # of the players' wives objected to her husband's having an affair with # Mrs. Krabappel, Bart Simpson's teacher," says Groening, who was then # forced to say "No way, Jose" to the plot twist. # # The capsule also notes that Marcia Wallace is in the voice credits, # although no other Krabappel scene was featured. ~~ # Also in the capsule, describes another cut: # # [Wade Boggs and Barney are facing each other at a table] # Wade: [buuuurp] # Barney: You call that a burp? [buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp] # Wade: [handing Barney money] Okay, you win. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:26) 7:45 / 8:11 * Compressed until Homer gazes at Burns. "Mmm... potato chips." ==[ 8F15 ]============================================ Separate Vocations === GAINED: 69 seconds 19:40 / 20:49 ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:28) 7:11 / 7:39 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:23) 5:54 / 6:17 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:18) 6:35 / 6:53 * Compression until Bart opens Lisa's locker. ==[ 8F17 ]================================================== Dog of Death === CUTS: 26 seconds GAINED: 26 seconds 19:39 / 20:05 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (----) 5:13 / 5:13 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:17> (0:17) 8:40 / 8:57 Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy. Marge: What's that? Homer: [pause] A dinosaur. % Kent: Of course, I'm not the only one who benefited from last % week's big payoff; out state's schools got their share too. % Here, lottery officials present Springfield Elementary with <0:17> % a brand new eraser. % Skinner: *One* eraser? Oh, I'm used to my government betraying me. % [walks towards camera] I was in Nam. I served for three... % Kent: And speaking of lottery, here are the numbers for today's $40,000 [chuckles] jackpot: 3-6-17-18-22 and 29. {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} ~~~~~ ACT III <0:09> (0:09) 5:46 / 5:55 Burns teaches SLH how to neutralize intruders, in this case girl scouts. % Lisa goes to Barney's apartment and shows him a poster. % <0:09> % Barney: I know how you feel. I lost my dog, too. He's in here % somewhere... % [muffled whimper from somewhere in his pile o' junk] {mhendren@students.uiuc.edu} ==[ 8F19 ]================================================= Colonel Homer === GAINED: 39 seconds 19:58 / 20:37 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:18) 6:08 / 6:26 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:17) 6:01 / 6:18 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:04) 7:49 / 7:53 * Compression ends after the studio scene. # The capsule mentions: # In the trailer for this episode, Bart and Lisa are in the # recording studio. Lisa remarks, "I never thought I'd see another # woman in Dad's life." Bart responds, "What are you talking about? # There's Betty Crocker, Sarah Lee, Aunt Jemimah..." ==[ 8F20 ]================================================= Black Widower === CUTS: 44 seconds GAINED: 44 seconds 19:36 / 20:20 ~~~~~ ACT I <0:25> (0:25) 5:59 / 6:24 Homer: Look Maggie, they have a baby too! % Bart: It's like they saw our lives and put them right up on screen! % % <0:04> ~~ Sideshow Bob gets restrained and tranquilized. % Krusty: Now for the highlight of the evening, Best Film-to-Video Transfer. % % Sideshow Bob asks his audience: "Do you know what prison is like for a % lifelong conservative Republican?" He continues his story: "In our % over-crowded cells, we became little more than beasts." % % Bob: Who used my chap stick? % Man: Oh, I did. Here you go. % Bob: [disgusted] I don't want it. % % <0:21> {baldwin@netcom.com (J.D. Baldwin)} ~~~~~ ACT II <0:19> (0:19) 7:51 / 8:10 Lisa: If Krusty can find it in his heart to forgive him, surely can too. % Krusty kicks Sideshow Bob in the butt. % % Bob: Oh, Krusty, I can't tell you how much [kick] I missed this. [kick] % % <0:04> ~~ Selma: [sobbing] The things he said, they're just not true... % Marge: There, there... % % <0:02> ~~ Bart: Bart no like. Bad medicine. % Maggie proves an adorable (although poorly-balanced) flower girl at the % wedding. % % Lisa: [bitterly] could've been the flower girl. And I wouldn't keep % falling down, either. % Bart: Hey, they chose Maggie, okay? % Lisa: Yeah, well, if you want to go for cutesiness instead of competence, % fine. % % <0:13> ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 5:46 / 5:46 ==[ 8F21 ]================================================= The Otto Show === CUTS: 37 seconds GAINED: 37 seconds 19:40 / 20:17 ~~~~~ ACT I <0:37> (0:37) 6:48 / 7:25 Meanwhile, Homer sits in the car, munching on chips and singing along with the radio. % Meanwhile, the party goes on in the stadium. One of the members of Spinal % Tap rubs his face with a towel, and throws it in the crowd; next thing he % knows, someone throws it back to him. A spectator has trouble keeping % another 300-pound fanatic on his shoulders. Some others on the balcony show % a banner saying "Spinal Tap Rules" -- though it's upside down. One of their % idols turns his head 90 degrees, then shouts: "Thank you!" <0:23> ~~ Marge hopes her ``poor baby'' is okay, then sees Bart swinging over the seats clutching a streamer, which breaks. % Kent: Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began % with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of % Mozart's "The Magic Flute". So, what's the answer? Ban all music? % In this reporters opinion, the answer, sadly, is "yes". <0:14> ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (----) 6:51 / 6:51 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (----) 6:01 / 6:01 ==[ 8F22 ]=================================== Bart's Friend Falls in Love === CUTS: 42 seconds GAINED: 42 seconds 19:38 / 20:20 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (----) 7:38 / 7:38 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:37> (0:37) 7:18 / 7:55 Homer is sitting on the couch, % watching a TV ad for some Butterfinger-like bar % % TV: We start with pure milk chocolate... % Homer: Chocolate... <0:18> % TV: Add a layer of farm-fresh honey... % Homer: Oh, sweet... % TV: Then we sprinkle on four kinds of sugar... % Homer: [drooling] % TV: And dip it in rich, creamery butter... Lisa: Dad, what if I told you you could lose weight without dieting or lifting a finger? Homer: I'd say you're a lying scumbag. ~~ Bart explains he's looking for a friend who won't leave him for a girl, and Martin eagerly accepts, announcing the fact for all to hear. % Later that day, Martin brings his new friend to his room. % % Martin: Now, Bart, would you care to listen to me play the lute? <0:19> % Bart: [not very sincere] Uh, sure... % Martin: [singing & playing] Come home, my bunny warrior, % For now, the nets are full o' fish... % [Bart can be seen though the window, running away] ~~~~~ ACT III <0:05> (0:05) 4:42 / 4:47 Homer is sleeping in bed, listening to the tape again. % Tape: Haruspicy -- predicting the future through the study of animal <0:05> % entrails. Lisa: Dad! Dad! Do you know what today is? Homer: The Vernal equinox? ==[ 8F23 ]=============================== Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes === GAINED: 25 seconds 19:40 / 20:05 ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:24) 6:47 / 7:11 ! {Haynes Lee } reported that Bart's Emmy's line was cut to ! appease the Emmy people. I'll keep an eye open for the rerun. ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (----) 8:14 / 8:14 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:01) 4:39 / 4:40 ! I have no idea about where this missing second comes from... ==[ ---- ]===================================================================