Worst Episode Ever Written by Larry Doyle Directed by Matthew Nastuk ============================================================================== Production code: CABF08 Original Airdate on FOX: 4-Feb-2001 Capsule revision C (30-Dec-2003) ============================================================================== > "TV Guide" Synopsis ============================================================================== [TV Guide] Bart and Milhouse are banned for life from the comic-book store, until Comic Book Guy becomes a man in need of friends. {bg} [TV Guide advertisement] "See Springfield's Dirty Little Secrets on Tape!" An angry Moe and a shocked Wiggum, Krusty and Apu stand in the background, with Bart in front holding a tape cassette player saying, "My Name is Bart Simpson. I Will be Your Guide." {bg} ============================================================================== > Title sequence ============================================================================== Blackboard: I WILL NOT HIDE THE TEACHER'S MEDICATION {ddg} Couch: The couch isn't in its usual spot in the living room. Instead, there's a valet, standing next to a "valet parking" sign. The family runs up to the sign, and the valet gets the couch. The Simpsons hop onto the couch, but don't tip the valet, who walks away, miffed. ============================================================================== > Did You Notice... ============================================================================== ... pictures of Sideshow Bob, Nelson, and either Matt Groening or George Lucas are all on CBG's "banned" wall? [There is some question about the identity of the third man on the "banned" wall. See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] Don Del Grande: ... this is the third blackboard quote to mention "medication"? ... when something is spilled on Radioactive Man #1000, it spills onto "Bongo Comics" (complete with Bongo the rabbit on it)? ... Bart wasn't banned for life for trying to use a fake credit card in 4F16? ... Lisa's reading "The Daily Set-Up" rather than the Springfield Shopper? ... Lisa tells Milhouse she's impressed in something he did, and he didn't "melt"? ... the bird that tears up the Biclops comic sounds like the SNPP crow? ... Pamela Hayden received a "Starring" credit (as opposed to an "Also Starring" one)? Joe Green: ... CBG has a poster for the "Invasion of the Saucer Men" movie? Aaron Hirshberg: ... there is a lava lamp on a table next to the bed when the police bust in on CBG and Agnes? Darrel Jones: ... CBG actually says, "Worst episode ever" during "Worst Episode Ever"? ... Agnes Skinner dresses like a 1920's flapper for her date? ... for a guy who likes to collect things for their value, CBG allowed his Bread record to warp an awful lot? ... Chief Wiggum calls Comic Book Guy "Comic Book Guy" while arresting him? Joe Klemm: ... Milhouse wears My Little Pony underwear? Chad Lehman: ... Gallagher -- not a bodyguard -- *personally* throws young Homer out the door? ... we hear CBG laugh for only the second, third, and fourth times? Andrew Levine: ... the Biclops' facial features (shape and placement of eyes, nose, and mouth) resemble Milhouse's? ... a silhouette of Skinner hangs on his wall? (see "The Principal and the Pauper") ... you can see CBG's crotch in a brief frame or two when he leaves Agnes' bed? (see also Lisa in "Simpsons Roasting Over An Open Fire") ... no references to CBG's apparent lack of a name were made? (Good for the writers!) Benjamin Robinson: ... during his "antacid trip," foam dribbles out of Homer's nostrils? ============================================================================== > Voice Credits ============================================================================== - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Gallagher [?]) - Julie Kavner (Marge) - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Ralph) - Yeardley Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Apu, Comic Book Guy (CBG), Moe, Carl, Wiggum, General {jlm}, Lou) - Harry Shearer (Hibbert, Lenny, Reynolds {jlm}, Skinner, Flanders, Cameraman) - Special Guest Voice - Tom Savini (Himself) - Starring - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse) - Also Starring - Tress MacNeille (Agnes Skinner) - Russi Taylor (Mrs. Prince) - Karl Wiedergott (Mr. Rogers [?]) ============================================================================== > Movie (and other) references ============================================================================== + Mrs. Butterworth's (syrup) {jk} - OFF uses Ms. Butterworth's + the O.J. Simpson murder trial {ddg} - Homer's flashback has the Cochran sound bite, "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" + Nixon's resignation speech {ddg} - heard in Homer's flashback + Apollo 11 moon landing {ddg} - final flashback has Neil Armstrong saying, "That's one small step ..." + "acid trip" (drug slang) {bjr} - Bart observes Homer is on an "antacid trip" - "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life" (movie) {jg2} - Tom Savini explodes after eating just a *little* too much + "The Addams Family" (TV series) {jg2} - Tom Savini's severed hand moves around by itself, like Thing + Madonna (pop singer) {bjr} - when the wizard hats stick to CBG's chest, they resemble the cone- shaped bra cups she once wore ["That was on her 1990 Blonde Ambition Tour," says {al} -- Ed.] + "The Lord of the Rings" (book) {jk} - one of CBG's competitors is "Frodo's of Shelbyville"; Frodo is a character from the book + Frederick's of Hollywood (chain of lingerie stores) {bjr} - also might have inspired "Frodo's of Shelbyville" + "Superfriends" (TV series) {dj} - CBG's only friends are the "super friends" in his comic books - "Hey Arnold!" (TV series) {ddg} - Bart and Milhouse, like Arnold and Gerald, have to take over a store when its owner gets hurt and end up fighting over it + "Superman" (comic book series) {tr2} - "Death of Sad Sack" inspired by the "Death of Superman" issue (which was #75, October 1993) - Sarge holding Sad Sack mirrors the picture Jimmy Olson snapped of Lois holding the lifeless Supes on the last splash page + "Plan 9 from Outer Space" (movie) {jg2} - "Biclops" is published by Plan 9 Comics [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] + "The Critic" (TV series) {ddg} - Milhouse says, "Hachee-machee!" like Jay Sherman - Cyclops (superhero) {tjm} - Biclops patterned after this member of Marvel's X-Men + "Star Trek" (TV series) {bjr} - CBG calls human contact, "the final frontier" + Goldie Hawn (actress) {bjr} - CBG calls Mrs. Skinner, "Oldie Hawn" + "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" (movie) {jg2} - CBG sarcastically says, "now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane" [{al} notes that the 1962 film is "about an ex-child actress who's aged grotesquely" -- Ed. + "Transformers" (TV series and toy line) {jk} - action figures in which robots transform into different things (cars more likely) + Rita Hayworth pinup poster (tr2} - She-Hulk strikes a similar pose on her poster - [From the Internet Movie Database, via {tr2}: "The famous Bob Landry photo of Rita in "Life", 11 August 1941, p. 33, made her the number 2 soldier pin-up of World War II" -- Ed.] + Burger King (fast food chain) {jg2} - "Have It Uruguay" refers to their advertising slogan, "Have It Your Way" ============================================================================== > Previous episode references ============================================================================== - [8F24] Martin attends fat camp {bjr} - [1F06] Bart and Milhouse come into a lot of cash {dj} - [2F22] Milhouse literally runs circles around Bart (cf. Martin circling Nelson) {bjr} - [4F12] CBG uses the phrase, "Worst Episode Ever" {dj} - [4F13] A Poochie Closeout is held {dj} - [4F13] South Street Squidport {jg2} - [5F18] An alternate ending to a classic movie is discovered {jg2} - [AABF02] Background from end credits seen during Homer's "trip" {bjr} - [AABF05] CBG falls in love {jg2} - [BABF01] Last time CBG laughed -- "Ha ha ha. I am unbelievably amused." {cl} - [BABF14] Milhouse is a closet "My Little Pony" fan {bjr} ============================================================================== > Freeze frame fun ============================================================================== - Advertisement for RM #1000 {bjr} IT'S HERE! RADIOACTIVE MAN #1000 - Martin's treasure box {bjr} One side - Other side - PROPERTY OF [big skull] MARTIN [skull] PRINCE [skull] DO NOT TOUCH - Sign at comedy show {bjr} GALLAGHER IN SPRINGFIELD - CBG's wall of shame {bjr} BANNED FOR LIFE! [Sideshow Bob] [Nelson] [George Lucas?] [Milhouse and Bart] - Convenient newspaper banner {bjr} THE DAILY SET-UP - Biclops cover quote {bjr} THAT'S FOR MAKIN' ME CRY! - Sign at adult-education center {bjr} HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS - CBG's shirt {bjr} MY OTHER T-SHIRT IS CLEAN - Forbidden video #1 {bjr} POLICE INFORMANT #2831 - Booths at the Squidport {bjr} HAVE IT What They Eat In THE The URUGUAY ICELAND KARACHI LONDON BROIL HIBACHI - Underground {bjr} THE The A TASTE MUSSOLINI IRAQ KARACHI LONDON BROIL OF AND E. HIBACHI SERBIA FRANKS CHEESE {ddg} - These are fed from {bjr} ALL PURPOSE MEAT - Festival sign {bjr} FORBIDDEN FILM FESTIVAL $5 - Forbidden video #2 {bjr} SECRET NUCLEAR DEFENSE PLAN U.S. GOVT. FILM #1612 - CBG's bachelor pad {bjr} LD IE GF ARMS IN PR S 61 00 5 [the 5 is upside-down] ============================================================================== > Animation, continuity, and other goofs ============================================================================== c "Covered in guts" is changed to "Covered in blood" in the broadcast version. {tpl} = CBG's shirt isn't stained after he wipes his mouth with it. {jg2} c "I'm finished marking down the South park stuff," is changed to, "I'm finished checking the stock room {or something like that}." {tpl} c "Girls don't like him much," is changed to, "He's afraid of girls." {tpl} c "You look so happy," is changed to, "You look so couple-y" {tpl} + This may not be a goof per se, but what happened to the girl CBG fell in love with in [AABF05]? [Probably, she tried to change him -- Ed.] * The joke about the radioactive monkey aside, Bart and Milhouse forgot one thing when they said, "Everything's back to where it was" at the end of the ep -- with CBG in jail, and Bart and Milhouse going back to school, who'll run Android's Comics? {dj} ============================================================================== > Reviews ============================================================================== Steve Alpert: The comic store owner IS Comic Book Guy, as Wiggum himself says. I think Agnes was a poor choice for him, because of the age difference, but insults becoming love is a parody of similar situations and thus wasn't altogether awful. That scene was unsettling, and lowered my appraisal of this episode significantly. As for the comic book store being run, I think all that went well. (B) Don Del Grande: This one started out with "best episode of the season" potential, but unfortunately fell into a rut somewhere around the time Bart started fighting with Milhouse. (B+) Wayne Gerard: I liked and disliked this episode. Some of the logic didn't seem to work with me, such as, why would the comic guy ban his best customers (Martin, Milhouse, and Bart all bought a $100 comic), and I just don't see why they got together. Hilarious though, the 2nd and 3rd acts really worked for me, the 3rd especially was really funny (I'll lighten the sentence if you'll put your pants on!) (B) Joe Green: A slightly above average episode, particularly since it focused on the kids (in fact, Homer had a *very* small role) for a change. It also gets points for a good Ralph Wiggum quote ("Everybody's hugging!") but otherwise wasn't much to write home about. (B+) Darrel C. Jones: "Worst Episode Ever" hardly lived up to its title. For the first time in weeks, I totally forgot to rate the ep as good or bad while watching it. It was excellent, and I loved both plots. A solid classic, through and through. 10/10 (A+) Jamie Liddell: A mixed bag without a doubt -- it was amusing and engaging yet messy and quite forgettable. Bart & Milhouse running the comic book store is a well executed (if slightly stupid) story, and offers up by far the best parts of the episode with some wonderful Bart & Milhouse scenes (which are of course traditionally excellent). However, the pairing of CBG &Agnes Skinner in the subplot was hopelessly contrived, unconvincing and strangely unfunny for two traditionally funny individuals. We got barely any of CBG's stinging sarcastic quips and very little of Agnes's grouching (i.e. barely any of their actual characters). [...] Worst Episode Ever is definitely worth watching for the comic book store plot alone, but its many flaws bring it down substantially, and will probably cause it to be pretty much forgotten. (C+) Troy J. Mathews: Overall not a bad episode, although the scene between Angus and the Comic Book Guy was "unsettling". I would have given an extra point on the grading scale if the show would have told me the real name of the comic store owner. (B-) Michael Nusair: Fortunately, "Worst Episode Ever" didn't live up to its title. More like "Most Average Episode Ever." While it did have a few laughs, just as many fell flat. However, of those jokes that didn't work, they didn't leave a sour taste in my mouth like they do in some other episodes. They just weren't very funny. [...] Other than that though, a very solid episode. Good characterization all around. Honourable mention goes to the radioactive gorilla wearing a seatbelt in Flanders' car, which had to have been one of the funnier visual gags in a while. However, for an episode with a lot of CBG and Milhouse, "Worst Episode Ever" wasn't nearly as funny as it could have been. (B-) Mike Reed: Is "Worst Episode Ever" the worst episode ever? No, but what it is, is somewhat hard to pin down. Some scattered laughs dot the episode (like Homer's antacid trip, an unexpected ROTFL, and Milhouse's reaction to the Kent Brockman clip) but some others come across as somewhat forgettable. For instance, they could've had a little more fun with the tapes than they did. CBG's romance with Agnes felt somewhat tacked on, and the ending leaves us hanging. Why did CBG get arrested? And what's the deal with that ape? Overall, a mixed effort. But not the "worst episode ever." (B+) Robin Steinmann: Mixed episode beginning with more deconstructing of Homer, which led over to the best parts of the show. Milhouse is just a great character, and his chemistry with Bart, as well as his unrequited affection for Lisa, is always hilarious. His scenes were just bound to score, and they did. The hidden video vault made some very funny moments possible. Very nice material here. Having the Comic Book Guy have ongoing space after his episode, on the other hand, was probably not the best decision. Although I didn't find his affair with Agnes repulsing, there would have been better way to fill the episode, either with a different sideplot or more Milhouse. More really bad writing, but not the most inspired possibility. (B-) Robert Todd: I've just got one question, Where's Homer? Apart form the Antacid trip at the start, I can't remember Homer making any contribution to this episode. Which can only be a good thing. An A grade; in a Scully episode, I'd never though I'd do this, but this one epitomized the increasing quality of the Simpsons in recent episodes, as the reign of terror starts to wind down. (A) Yours Truly: Give the writers credit for chutzpah: The title just about dares you to give this show a bad review. I won't, even though it doesn't live up to its potential. It could have gone in one of two directions, either for comic-book-style silliness, or a semi-serious fleshing out of CBG's character. Bart and Milhouse's situation just devolves into mundane fighting, and instead of exploring CBG's life we just get a romance between him and Agnes Skinner. (Now *there's* an answer to a question no one asked.) Some of the jokes (like Dr. Hibbert, Biclops, and the bootleg tapes) and an enjoyable guest appearance by Tom Savini help out, but ultimately it's a run-of-the-mill show. With a name like "Worst Episode Ever," you'd expect a little better. (B-) AVERAGE GRADE: B+ (3.20) Std Dev.: 0.5841 (17 reviews computed) ============================================================================== > Comments and other observations ============================================================================== >> Musical References Darrel Jones: "Puppy Love" by Paul Anka (1960) played during CBG's "loving" romp with Agnes Skinner E. Kadouri: "Baby I'm-A Want You" by Bread was playing during Agnes's and CBG's make out session. [{dj} notes it's from 1971. {al} asks, "Wouldn't "Make It With You" have been more appropriate?" -- Ed.] >> Meta-reference corner Chad Lehman thinks the writers took the opportunity to toss a few barbs at the hard-core fans: 1. CBG's grading of the hand ... D+ ... this tips us off that, in this scene, CBG is *us* -- or, the stereotypically humorless A.T.S. poster -- who grades EVERYTHING. Next, he's given a huge wedgie as retribution. Take THAT, A.T.S! Love, the writers. 2. Halfway through the "wedging", the hand stops, and the audience laughs at CBG. Then he quips "YOU ... mocking ME? Oh, is rich." Ironic, isn't it? CBG (or, the representation of ATS) doesn't even understand that the writers are mocking him -- at least until this point. They're saying "you're too stupid to understand how we're mocking you, CBG (A.T.S). It would take something like a wedgie, given by 'Thing' for you to get it." 3. Possibly the most clever dig at internet fans: Chief Wiggum: Uh, these (videos) yours son? Milhouse: No, sir. We're just exhibiting them for profit, without permission. Chief Wiggum: Fair enough. Even though it's an exaggeration to state that fans (esp. those making websites) charged money for online clips of the Simpsons, it's still recognizable as a dig at those fans. Chief Wiggum saying "Fair enough" is the opposite of what a normal policeman (or possibly lawyer, named Dennis Wilson) would say; the irony and sarcasm make this satirical commentary. 4. I think the Marge/pancake joke was even a light clout to the head of some fans. Many people complained about Marge's "audible gas" from AABF23. What does she do here? She quickly apologizes for what is really "just a funny little noise", and puts a silencer on the bottle. The commentary is "it's just a funny noise, people. Is it that big of a deal?" I may agree with that logic; but, I'd have to say I prefer different humor to the "bodily noise" variety. >> People in the news Benjamin Robinson: Homer tries to pass himself off as Shaquille O'Neal, the professional basketball player. Currently with the Los Angeles Lakers, O'Neal is one of the biggest men in a league already known for its abundance of tall people. In fact, the Homer-Milhouse-Bart combo seems about as tall as "Shaq" is just by himself. Mr. (Fred) Rogers is the host of "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" (or maybe was; I haven't seen it in years). Rogers was known for his extraordinarily placid, soothing on-screen persona. Off the set, he was ... pretty much the same, which makes the blooper reel such a find. Rogers typically wore a cardigan sweater on the show, which is probably what he's ranting about on the tape. >> Luke's father is Chewbacca? Joe Klemm: One of the biggest ending secrets that ever appeared in films was that of the Empire Strikes Back, where Darth Vader reveals that he is Luke's father. [Ooooh, I hope that wasn't a spoiler for anyone reading this -- Ed.] Since this will be a major factor in the saga, George Lucas had to keep it secret from many people, including those working on the film. To do so, the script that was read when the scene was shot actually stated that Obi-Wan Kenobi was really Luke's dad. Then, when it came time for James Earl Jones to voice Vader, the true ending was completed and nobody but Jones, Lucas, the director, and the sound recorder will know what was expected as the film reached that point. >> Who was that banned man? So, who was the bearded man whose photo was on the "banned for life" wall? regulars has a variety of opinions. Mike Reed speaks for the majority when he guesses: Matt Groening, creator of "The Simpsons." Rick Nelson adds: It was Matt Groening, because the time he was drawn seriously (i.e. NOT the 138th show spectacular), that's how he was drawn. This was during the couch scene when he comes out and signs his name, and Marge rubs it off with a rag. Someone named "Ozmodiar" writes: If by "that's how he was drawn" you mean different style attire, different color beard (gray v. brown), different hair part (center v. left side) then, yes, "that's how he was drawn." I didn't think it was him initially. if it is supposed to be an old photo (younger MG) then I suppose it could be. Rory Bellows says: I don't know ... it kinda looked like Spielberg Haynes Lee: George Lucas. All those bearded Hollywood honchos look the same to me. Benjamin Robinson: I think it would have been funnier if Lucas *had* been banned by CBG as though even he couldn't live up to CBG's standards. "All right, enough about Jar Jar already. Jeez, it's just a movie." Matt Gasaway adds: Come to think of it, with all of the internet-geek ire pointed at G. Lucas, it DOES make a lot of sense to have it be him ..... Finally, Jesse Cohen suggests: Barney. >> Banned for life! James Allen: His [Gallagher's] most "famous" bit was "Sledge-O-Matic," where he would end his shows by destroying various items with a sledgehammer, culminating with a watermelon. There's your joke: Homer ate the watermelon, thus depriving Gallagher of his big finish. He's never had a significant part in a movie. It's interesting to note that there was another homage of sorts to Gallagher in the episode, when all the guts went flying into the audience during the show in the comic book store. Some of Gallagher's old Showtime specials crop up on Comedy Central from time to time. You see one of them and you've seen them all. Benjamin Robinson adds: Gallagher was one of the first comedians to make it big as a "prop comic" -- someone who uses oddball props as the basis for the jokes he tells. Jesse McCann: There was a big push a few years ago from Gallagher's friends (including "The Man Show's" Adam) to build a movie around him. Thankfully, everyone declined. Dave "Ratboy" adds: I guess maybe his shows are hit-or-miss, as I recall his wordplay is very clever, rivaling some of George Carlin's stuff on the absurdities of the English language. And some of his more elaborate and creative props would make Carrot Top go hide in a cave somewhere. Like the massive couch/tramampoline with all the oversized crap tucked in between the cushions. But I usually changed channels before the fruit smashing began. In case you were wondering, Sgo3835433380 (catchy screen name!) writes: His full name is Leo Gallagher, although he recently sued his brother Ron for pretending to be him. >> Take that, Barnes & Noble! Benjamin Robinson: Barnes & Noble is a chain of bookstores in the United States. They are large enough to attract authors for speaking and book- signing engagements, although Tom Savini would be a little out of their scope. >> Comic nerd powers, activate! Chad Lehman explains who the "Super-Friends" were: A Saturday morning cartoon show from the 70's & 80's; with Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Captain America, & others. Also a comic book, I believe. Remember "Wonder Twin powers, activate"? Close, says Jeremy Bleichman, but not quite correct: Captain America was never a Superfriend, since he was a Marvel character, and Superfriends was based on DC's characters. The official line-up was as follows: Superman, Batman, Robin, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Wendy (1st series only), Marvin (same), Wonderdog (same), Flash, Green Arrow (1 episode only), Plastic Man (same), The Wonder Twins Zan and Jayna, Gleek the Space Monkey, Green Lantern, Hawkman, Hawkwoman, The Atom, Samurai, Black Vulcan, Apache Chief, Rima the Jungle Girl, El Dorado, Firestorm (last 2 seasons only), Cyborg (last season only). Oops ... I've exposed myself as a geek. >> Where the children run the comic book stores >> And don't get Moe started on the Susan B. Anthony dollar ... Benjamin Robinson writes: Sacagawea was the Lemhi Shoshone woman who guided Lewis and Clark on their explanation of the Louisiana Territory. Nearly two hundred years later, her portrait graces the new US$1 coin, which is the Mint's latest attempt to wean the US off the paper dollar bill. The coin is more popular than the scene at Moe's tavern suggests, but as a souvenir rather than circulating currency. >> How Do You Say "Loser" In Klingon? Jeff Cross explains: Klingon is an actual language, initially formulated by linguistics expert Marc Okrand for STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK. To date, there are three books (THE KLINGON DICTIONARY (original and expanded) and KLINGON FOR THE GALACTIC TRAVELER), two audio tapes (CONVERSATIONAL KLINGON and POWER KLINGON) and the Klingon Language Institute at www.kli.org, who took it upon themselves to translate HAMLET into Klingon after hearing a throwaway line from David Warner in STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY. Unfortunately, there isn't a complete English-to- Klingon concordance: according to the KLINGON DICTIONARY, there's no real word for "loneliness." The closest equivalent would be the phrase "jImobqu'" (pronounced jhi-mobe-koo), which means "I'm so alone!" Comic Book Guy's attempt of "ghardak" is gibberish. >> Maybe their "Glenn or Glenda?" comic will be more popular "twilightman81" writes: The publishers of "Biclops" in tonight's ep. were called "Plan Nine Comics", a reference to the infamous Ed Wood movie "Plan Nine from Outer Space", widely considered to be the worst film ever made. The name of the company was no doubt a reference to the inevitable failure of "Biclops"; however, there is actually a company called "Plan Nine Publishing". It's largely responsible for distributing collections of Web- only comics. ["Internet King" asks, "I thought it was published by LensCrafters?" Good question. The most probable answer is that LensCrafters commissioned Plan Nine to develop the book for them -- Ed.] >> CBG: Sarcastic Shopkeeper, or Minion of Evil? "big hungry joe" writes: CBG is supposed to be *sarcastic*, not *evil* ... Sarcasm is his trademark; not destroying things like the kid's boat. And there was very little CBG-quality sarcasm. Sigh. Guess that's what happens when you overdevelop a character. "The Doctor of Style" answers: On what basis do you suggest this? If you noticed his actions in the show we directed against kids. In previous episodes he has always been extremely mean, sinking a toy boat is a very small stretch from that. Steve Alpert: His voice didn't sound like his, and neither did Agnes'. The characters weren't overdeveloped necessarily, it's just that we see too much of them in character. Neither Agnes nor CBG would do that to kids. What Agnes would do is seize the boat controls, while CBG would say "Worst piloting ever" or something like that. "Xit Wound" [sheesh -- doesn't anyone go by their real name anymore? -- Ed.]: CBG has always been evil. [In "22 Short Films About Springfield (3F18)"] Milhouse wanted to use bathroom, made him pay for something, then told Kirk that their transaction was complete. Alex Clock: Well, there is that scene in the episode (can't remember the name of it) ["Lost Our Lisa (5F17)" -- Ed.] that has Lisa getting lost trying to go to the Egyptian exhibit where Lisa asks Agnes to sit down beside her on the bus and Agnes refuses, saying it is for her coin purse. When Lisa walks away, Agnes picks up her coin purse, leaving the seat vacant again. Then Lisa asks to sit down beside Comic Book Guy where he demands she "answer these questions 3!". Two grown adults refusing to let an 8 year old girl sit down on a city bus, and they seemed to enjoy it. Sounds like child haters to me! Steve Alpert rebuts: Agnes was just being stubborn and CBG was just being geeky. Anyone on the bus would have faced those responses, and they weren't out of pure meanness like what we saw last night. Sean Walsh: Let's note this "overdeveloped" character doesn't even have a given real name ... big hungry joe, again: So? His character's not strong enough to sustain the load they've been putting on him recently (and in the newest ep). Sarcasm is frikkin hilarious but you can't be "on" all the time and whereas he used to be on, for very short periods, now and in particular in last night's show, he is off, for long ones. "The IRS" observes: I've always thought of CBG's character a bit like Ugly Naked Guy in Friends. He was funny when only given a one-line mention every so often, but as soon as you try to attach some personality to a one- dimensional background character, the interest leaves. Chad Lehman: Seeing that the writers have made CBG into their "internet fan/effigy dummy" or "whipping boy", I can understand why they've characterized him as mean. If you'd read some of the absolutely MEAN posts back in seasons 8 and 9, personally attacking writers, you'd understand. CBG is based on the loudest/meanest of these people -- at least lately. In earlier seasons, he was just a surly, Dungeons & Dragons-type nerd with a superiority complex. It wasn't difficult to go from that, to an A.T.S. [alt.tv.simpsons] internet critic characterization. And yes, I agree ... developing characters produces more drama than comedy. His sarcastic, surly side is a pleasure to watch. If the writers make him more "human", he'll lose his exaggerated, caricature-like persona. Finally, Rich Bunnell has this theory to explain things: His sarcasm and Agnes' constant anger combined into pure evil. Or something like that. >> Worst Urban Legend Forever! Haynes Lee (I think) writes: That secret army film about Springfield being first on the nuclear strike list reminds me of all those stories during the Cold War. It seems everyone says their city is 1st, 2nd, 3rd on the nuclear strike list in case the Russkies decide to attack. The thing is people said this of cities of dubious strategic importance. For example I heard Thunder Bay, Ontario was high on the Russkie list because it was a major grain port. That's like saying Hollywood is high on the list because the Baldwin brothers live there. >> Fun with Promotions Mike Reed faithfully transcribes: Voice-Over: Bart runs a risqué business! Bart: On your tippy-toes for the adult section. (Ralph walks in) Ralph: Everyone's hugging! >> Miscellaneous, Etc. The Joe Green alterna-title for this show is: The Dork Knight Returns According to Fox (by way of Bill LaRue), this episode scored a Nielsen rating of 9.8 (15 share). This works out to 18.5 million viewers. Among adults aged 18 to 49, the rating was 8.9 (21 share). Don Del Grande: One of the six "real" "Radioactive Man" issues is #1000, but it's dated January 1995 (and has a different cover). Andrew Levine: A prognosis is a prediction of the likely future course and outcome of a disease. A diagnosis is a doctor's opinion of the nature and cause of a disease. T. P. Liang: In an early version of the script, when CBG is buying the box of collectibles, it cuts to Martin, who is hospitalized, saying "I sense a great disturbance in the force!" ============================================================================== > Quotes and Scene Summary {bjr} ============================================================================== % The family sits down to a pancake breakfast. Marge departs from her % usual custom of making things from scratch, and uses one of those % pancake mixes that come in a squeeze bottle. There is one drawback % to this method: When she squeezes the bottle, it makes an % unfortunate flatulent sound. Marge fixes the problem by attaching a % silencer to the bottle. Lisa: You know what would be good with these? [goes to the fridge, and opens the door] Is some Ms. Butterworth. [reaches for a syrup bottle shaped like a businesswoman] Let's have a breakfast meeting. [sees an obviously old box of baking soda in the refrigerator] Ew, how long has this box of baking soda been in here? Marge: I don't know. It came with the house. Bart: Hey, Dad -- betcha five bucks you can't eat the whole box. Homer: Five? Why don't we make it fifty? [slaps a $50 bill on the table] Ooh, you're going to regret this. Lisa: I'll call poison control. [dials phone] Fran, it's me. Just a heads-up. -- "Worst Episode Ever" % Homer looks at spoonful of multicolored powder with anticipation. % "Wow, the absorbed odors of a million meals," he says. Almost % immediately, Homer is overwhelmed by the flavors of meals past, and % has some interesting hallucinations. We hear a sound bite of Johnny % Cochran's famous "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit" slogan, and % see a hamburger with fries floating against a techno background of % computerized numbers. Nixon's resignation speech accompanies some % disco music, a mirrored ball and a pie. Finally, as we hear Neil % Armstrong take his famous first step on the moon, a meatball % sandwich bobs above a psychedelic background. The sandwich starts % spinning, and we are transported back to the present, where Homer % lies in a stupor on the kitchen table, with baking soda foaming out % of his mouth and nostrils. Lisa: Uh, oh -- Dad's having an antacid trip. Bart: ... and I won fifty bucks! [takes the money and leaves] -- Trippy, man, "Worst Episode Ever" % Later, Bart proposes that he and Milhouse goes on a spending spree. % Milhouse's doctor won't let him go on sprees, so Bart shifts gears % and the two go on a spending jag instead. % % The boys' $50 grants them exclusive access to the Kwik-E-Mart, with % Apu as their personal shopper. They buy so many goodies that they % sit stuffed in front of the store, unable to move. Bart: Oh, too much raw bacon. [groans] Milhouse: C'mon, Bart, we can't stop spending now. [takes money] There's one thing I've always wanted to do. [cut to the two boys in their underwear, at a Laundromat] My Mom doesn't believe in fabric softener ... but she's not around. [waves bottle tauntingly, and laughs] Bart: I'm picking the next thing. -- "Worst Episode Ever" % The boys are down to their last ten dollars when they see a sign in % The Android's Dungeon: "Radioactive Man" #1000 has arrived. Bart: Radioactive Man number 1000, please. [puts the $10 on the counter] CBG: Ten dollars. I laugh at you. Please do note: This is no ordinary comic book. It is in perma-mint condition. If you spill soda on it, the drops harmlessly fly off onto lesser comics. [demonstrates by pouring a can of soda onto the book. The soda bounces off and lands on something published by Bongo Comics] Bart + Milhouse: Whoa! CBG: You are quite correct to gasp. Also note the price: twenty-five dollars. Bart: [to Milhouse] You had to buy lunch for that homeless guy. [Mrs. Prince, Martin's mother, walks into the store, carrying a large cardboard box] Mrs. Prince: While my son's at fat camp, I cleaned out his room. How much will you give me for this? CBG: Probably nothing, but let us see. [increasingly excited as he looks through the contents of the box] Oh -- handwritten script for "Star Wars," by George Lucas. Princess Leia's anti-jiggle breast tape. Film reel labeled, "Alternate ending -- Luke's father is Chewbacca." Ooh! Ooh! [calmly] I'll give you five dollars for the box. Mrs. Prince: Sold! Bart: Don't do it, lady! That stuff's worth thousands! Milhouse: Yeah, he's ripping you off! Mrs. Prince: Well! If this is valuable, then back to the leaky basement it goes. [takes the box and leaves the store] Hmmph! -- Maybe if CBG offered $20 with of beads ... "Worst Episode Ever" % Comic Book Guy retaliates by banning the boys from his store for % life. % % Back at home, Homer tries to relate to Bart by talking about his % first lifetime banning. The scene dissolves to a Gallagher show. % The comedian is about to perform his trademark "Sledge-O-Matic" % routine. He swings a sledgehammer and hits ... an empty stool. % Then, the hammer recoils and hits Gallagher in the head. Angry, he % looks to the audience, where young Homer is eating the watermelon % that Gallagher intended to hit. % % Gallagher throws Homer out of the theater. Gallagher: ... and you are banned for life from all of my performances, and TV specials! Homer: But I can still see your movies, right? Gallagher: Ooogh! [slams the door closed] [Homer begins bawl as we dissolve back to the present day] Homer: [stops crying] And I never saw Gallagher again. -- Neither did anyone else, "Worst Episode Ever" % Lisa reads an announcement in "The Daily Set-up." Lisa: Ooh, it says here that special effects wiz Tom Savini is going to be appearing at the comic book store tonight. Homer: Tom Savini? Marge: Yes. It says here he's the movie magician behind "Creepshow," "Friday the 13th," and "Dawn of the Dead." Bart: Oh, I can't believe I'm gonna miss that. Homer: Don't worry your spiky little head. I've got it all planned out. Bart: How could you have it planned out? You just heard about the problem. Homer: You're right. Gimmie a minute. Hmmm ... [thinks deeply] -- "Worst Episode Ever" % The fruit of Homer's planning ability is this: He, Milhouse, and % Bart form a human totem pole, with homer on top, and Milhouse % struggling to walk on the bottom. Homer wears a long trench coat to % give the illusion, such as it is, of a tall man. He identifies % himself as Shaquille O'Neal. Comic Book Guy isn't fooled, though, % whipping off Homer's coat and barring the boys from the store. CBG % surreptitiously thanks Homer for the "tip-off," and hands him some % money. Homer whispers an apology to the boys before heading into % the store. % % Inside the store, CBG introduces Mr. Savini. CBG: Appearing exclusively here at the Android's Dungeon -- take that, Monsieurs Barnes and Noble -- the king of splatter, Tom Savini. [audience applauds] Savini: Good evening. [burps] Sorry -- I, I had a really big dinner. Homer: [in audience] Woo! Dinner! Savini: But I'm sure one more French fry wouldn't hurt. [eats one, and then blows up like a balloon, until he's several feet in diameter. Then, he pops, showering the audience with simulated gore. The audience applauds] Milhouse: Oh, we missed the Gut-Buster. Bart: Yeah, that should be us covered with blood. -- "Worst Episode Ever" % Later, Mr. Savini explains that while computers have made big % changes in the field, there will always be a place for the practical % special effects expert. (That is, someone who works with "real" % objects and models, rather than virtual ones.) To demonstrate his % own special effects mastery, Savini answers this question with his % head apparently detached from his body. He picks it up and re- attaches it, as the audience cheers. Well, most of the audience. CBG: Oh, please. I saw Paul Lynde do that same hackneyed trick on "Bewitched." [eats a cookie] Try to explode this out of my belly. Savini: That's not a cookie. [blood runs out of CBG's mouth] It's a time-release blood pack. [grossed out, CBG wipes his mouth on his shirt] You sir, are a perfect patsy. Let me shake your hand. [he and CBG shake hands. Savini's hand pops out of its sleeve] CBG: [considering the disembodied hand] The gag I would give a D+. As for the workmanship on the hand ... [suddenly, the hand comes to life, runs down CBG's back, and gives him a wedgie] Ooh! That's not right! [audience laughs] *You* mocking *me*! Oh, that is rich. [the hand wedgies him harder, tugging him right off the stage. He lands on a rack of wizard hats, to of which stick to his chest] Stop your laughing! You're all banned! [takes the hats off his chest] Banned, I tell you! [clutches his chest, and speaks haltingly] Short of breath ... left arm -- numb ... can't go on ... describing symptoms much longer. [collapses to the floor] Savini: [gasps] I think he's had a heart attack! -- Is this the end for Comic Book Guy? "Worst Episode Ever" % [End of Act One. Time: 7:01] % % CBG comes to in Springfield General Hospital. In the hospital room % with him are Homer, Bart, Milhouse, and Dr. Hibbert, who informs CBG % that he has suffered a "cardiac episode." CBG: Worst episode ever. Hibbert: Oh, not even close. If these boys hadn't called 911, I'd be wearing that watch right now. [indicates CBG's watch] [chuckles] Just kidding -- but you would be dead. CBG: [to Bart] You saved my life? Bart: Yeah. After you were so mean to us. CBG: So now we're even. -- "Worst Episode Ever" % Dr. Hibbert continues. Hibbert: My prognosis -- or is it diagnosis? Whichever. You need to avoid stress. What kind of work do you do? CBG: I run a comic book store. Hibbert: Oh, dear Lord! We call that profession, "the widow- maker." Or we would, if any of the proprietors were married. You should close down the store for a while. CBG: But I'd lose all my business to Frodo's of Shelbyville. Hibbert: Then get a friend to run it for you. You do have friends, don't you? CBG: Well, the Superfriends. Hibbert: You should get some friends who aren't printed on paper. CBG: What, you mean action figures? Milhouse: We'll run the store for you. CBG: Two ten-year-olds running my store. [stammers] What is this, Bizarro World? Hibbert: Calm down. [points at CBG's chest] Don't make me put a dog heart in there. -- Then he'd be the Amazing Captain Dogheart, "Worst Episode Ever" % Bizarre(-o) or not, the boys do end up running the comic book store. % Bart tries to take down his photo from the "lifetime ban" wall, but % an alarm goes off, and he hurriedly puts it back. CBG left some % instructions, which looks suspiciously like his grocery list, but % Bart decides to strike out in a new direction. He vows to run a % more kid-friendly establishment, with Milhouse as his partner. % % The kids seem to respond, as the Android's Dungeon is crowded with % children. Bart wanders through the store, making nice with the % customers. Nelson looks at a copy of "The Death of Sad Sack," and % says, "this better not be another fake-out." Ralph tries to get % into the adult section, which is behind a doorway in the back of the % store. Bart: Eh-eh. You gotta be forty inches tall for the adult section. Ralph: Pleeease? Bart: Okay, but get on your tippy-toes. Ralph: [tip-toes into the adult section] Everybody's hugging! -- "Worst Episode Ever" % Milhouse reports to his partner. Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I finished organizing the stock room. Bart: Mark down the Poochie crap, and then un-stick all the "Supergirls." Milhouse: You know, if we're partners, maybe you should do some of the work. Bart: Less barking, more marking. Milhouse: Yes, sir, partner! [begins changing the prices. In the window in the background, we can see Bart leaving for home] -- He's the silent partner, "Worst Episode Ever" % In the meantime, Homer tries to help CBG's recovery. Homer: Now, when you've got a bum ticker like we do, you need all the friends you can get. And Moe's is the friendliest place in the rum district. [opens the door. Inside, Moe aims his shotgun at a bar patron] Moe: Get out, and take your Sacagawea dollars with you. I'll give you 'til three. [cocks gun. The man leaves] One! [fires] [notices Homer and CBG] Hey, Homer, who's the manatee? [bar patrons laugh] Homer: Aw, now, be nice, Moe. This guy just got out of the hospital. Moe: Oh, sorry. Uh, let me buy you a drink. CBG: Very well. I'll have a shot of cranberry schnapps. Moe: [laughs] Uh, these, uh, [indicates bottles behind him] they're just painted on, there. You're choices are beer and [puts egg jar on the bar] egg soakings. CBG: I'll pass. Beer is the nectar of the nitwit. Carl: Hey -- you knocking beer? Lenny: Nobody bad-mouths Duff! [grabs a bottle and breaks it on the bar, intending to turn it into a weapon. The bottle just crumbles into small pieces] Aw, piece of crap. Homer: [to CBG] Come on, you're here to make friends. CBG: Please. If I wanted to hear mindless droning, I'd befriend an air conditioner. Moe: Oh, now he's ragging on air conditioners. Carl: Hey, they keep us cool in the summer, pal! Lenny: Get him! [the front door of Moe's Tavern opens. Moe, Lenny, and Carl carry CBG to the threshold] Moe: And stay out! [they throw CBG to the street. He lands with a hilarious sound effect. The guys go back into the bar] CBG: Is there a word in Klingon for loneliness? [looks it up in a little book] Ah, yes: Gar-dacchk! -- How to win friends and influence people, "Worst Episode Ever" % CBG's CB store is doing well, even if he isn't. Lisa: Milhouse, I'm impressed. The store is so busy; you and Bart are really great businessmen. Milhouse: Well, I'm really the brains. Bart's just the eye candy. [a man walks up to the counter] Reynolds: Hi. Derek Reynolds, Plan Nine Comics. Is, uh, the manager here? Milhouse: Well, I'm kind of the co-manager. [Milhouse imagines that he is the subject of a 40's detective film noir. Color gives way to black and white, and the scene shifts to Milhouse's detective office. Lisa becomes a femme fatale] Lisa: Tough break, toots. I need a man who answers to no one -- a full manager. Milhouse: Hachie-machie! [his glasses fog] [back to reality] I can help you, sir -- and I answer to no one. [winks at Lisa, who looks confused] -- "Worst Episode Ever" % Mr. Reynolds begins his pitch for the (very) ultimate superhero: % Biclops. He's the first superhero with glasses -- thick glasses, % kind of like Milhouse's. After steeling his nerve, Milhouse places % an order for 2,000 copies. % % CBG is about to enroll in a class on making friends. He hesitates % at the classroom door. CBG: Human contact -- the final frontier. [sighs] Agnes: [pushes him aside] Out of the way, tubby. CBG: Oh, pardon me, Oldie Hawn. Agnes: Why, you ill-mannered sack of crap! CBG: Oh, goody. Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane. Agnes: [angry] You are the rudest man who ever ... [smitten] bought me dinner. CBG: Correction. I do not believe I have ever bought you ... [realizes] Oh. -- "Worst Episode Ever" % Later, Kearney marches into the store, which prominently displays % its Biclops merchandise. Milhouse: So how many issues of "Biclops" would you like? Kearney: Biclops? Who's his girlfriend, Lois Lame? Milhouse: He's kind of afraid of girls. Kearney: [tries to hit Milhouse with a rolled-up copy of the comic book, but it is too limp to have much effect] Aw, it doesn't even smack good. [tosses it on the counter and leaves] Bart: How could you spend all our money on a comic book published by Lenscrafters? We'll never sell these. Birds won't even use them in their nests. [just then, a crow flies in, carrying an issue of "Biclops." She shreds it on the floor, caws at the boys, and flies away] Milhouse: Okay, so I made one bad decision. Bart: Oh, it's my fault for leaving you in charge. Sometimes, I forget how young you are. Milhouse: I'm only three months younger than you. Bart: Oh, look, you're getting cranky. You haven't had your juice. Milhouse: Well, my straw broke off in the carton -- That's not the point! We're supposed to be partners, and you're pushing me around like a Playskool(tm) corn popper! Bart: It's a vacuum cleaner, Milhouse. Milhouse: Whatever! I demand respect! I have feelings! I'm a human boy! *Just like you!* Bart: [patronizing] Shhh. Use your indoor voice. -- "Worst Episode Ever" % This is the final straw for Milhouse. He takes his glasses off, % realizes he can't attack an opponent he can't see, puts his glasses % back on, and takes running leap at Bart. Just as he is about to % pounce, the scene freezes and transforms into a panel from a comic % book. Milhouse has a speech balloon reading, "AIEEEE!" while Bart % looks off to the side and sighs. To be continued ... % % [End of Act Two. Time: 14:00] % % ... right now. The drawing style shifts back into the "normal" % mode, and the action resumes where it left off. Milhouse kicks Bart % over to a toy shelf. Bart grabs a transforming robot toy and % changes it to an ax. Milhouse grabs another toy, but it transforms % into a watering can. He uses it as a weapon anyway. The two fight % and fall right through a poster and down a flight of stairs. It % turns out the poster was covering a secret entrance to the store's % basement. The room is furnished with a chair, a VCR, and a % television. Shelves full of videotapes line the walls. Milhouse: Whoa, Comic Book Guy's secret stash! Bart: Look at all these bootleg videos! [reads the labels on a few] "Alien Autopsy." "Illegal Alien Autopsy." "Godfather III -- Good Version." Milhouse: He's got the tape of Kent Brockman picking his nose. [puts it in the VCR and plays it] Look! He's picking his nose! -- "Worst Episode Ever" % At the Skinner house, CBG waits to pick up Agnes for a date. He and % Principal Skinner sit awkwardly in the parlor. A clock ticks % loudly. Agnes: [from upstairs] I'll be right down. I'm just putting on my witch hazel. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! CBG: So, uh, your mother tells me you go to Springfield Elementary. Skinner: Exactly what is your interest in my mother? CBG: She makes me laugh. Agnes: Here I come. [appears at the top of the stairs, wearing a 20s flapper outfit, and slides down the banister] Skinner: [gasps] Good Lord, Mother, I can see your ... figure. Agnes: Oh, you see a lot more when you do my daily mole check. Skinner: [aside to Agnes] What I do for my allowance money is nobody's business. [points to CBG] Agnes: He's not nobody. He might even be your new daddy. [she and CBG laugh. Skinner looks mortified] -- "Worst Episode Ever" % Bart and Milhouse continue digging into CBG's trove of secret % videotape. Milhouse: [reading tape label] "Police informant video." These are never supposed to leave the station. [they play the tape. It's an interrogation room at the station. Flanders and Chief Wiggum sit at a table] Flanders: I really hate to be a snitch. Wiggum: Don't worry. Your yellow-bellied ratting will be held in the strictest confidence. Flanders: Well, in that case, my neighbor Homer released a radioactive ape in my house. It's, uh, it's taken over the whole top floor. [tape ends] Bart: It wasn't Dad's fault. The ape tricked him. What's next? Milhouse: "Mr. Rogers drunk" [they play that tape] Mr. Rogers: [drunkenly] What, what do you mean I can't take off my sweater? I'm hot! Milhouse: You know, I bet kids would pay to see this stuff. We could have a midnight screening right here in the store. Bart: [gasps] That's actually a great idea, Milhouse. Milhouse: Really? Well, I was due. Bart: I'll say -- partner. -- "Worst Episode Ever" % Homer and Marge are at the Squidport's food court, which offers % cuisine from all points of the globe. Or it appears to, anyway. % Underneath the court, we can see that all the kiosks are serviced by % one vat labeled "All-purpose meat." % % The Simpsons meet CBG and Agnes, out on their date. Marge remarks % that the look "couple-y." CBG says that they are, indeed, a perfect % match. % % We see CBG's and Agnes's date, as "Puppy Love" plays in the % background. They walk past some kids playing in an opened fire % hydrant. CBG uses a wrench to turn off the water, and he and Agnes % walk away, laughing. CBG skips a stone across the lake, and he and % Agnes share a good laugh when it sinks a little boy's toy boat. % They end a perfect evening by dissing the sunset. % % A lot of kids have turned out for the midnight showing of illicit % videotapes. Bart puts one in the VCR. Bart: I must warn you that once this next tape starts, it will not stop. Because that button is broken. Milhouse: Let's watch. [the tape starts. It's a black-and-white tape of a defense briefing. A general stands sits at a desk] General: If you're watching this tape, you are the President of the United States. Hello, sir, or ma'am. Hopefully sir. Bart: Got that right. [high-fives Milhouse] General: [walks to a map of Springfield] Springfield has been classified "NWB," for "Nuclear Whipping Boy." In the first moments of a nuclear war, Springfield will be bombed at will by all friendly nations to calibrate their missiles. [audience cheers wildly] Now for total security, I will terminate the cameraman. [pulls a pistol, and shoots the cameraman] Cameraman: Argh! Thanks a lot, Steve! [falls out of camera range] [audience laughs] -- "Worst Episode Ever" % Suddenly, the police raid the room. Some kids try to escape by % leaping through posters, but none of them cover any secret % passageways, just parts of the wall. Wiggum: Well, well, well. This place's got more pirated tapes than a ... Lou: A Chinese K-Mart? Wiggum: Well, that'll have to do. [to Milhouse] Uh, these yours, son? Milhouse: No, sir. We're just exhibiting them for profit without permission. Wiggum: Fair enough. But the owner is in more hot water than ... Lou: A Japanese teabag? Wiggum: Why don't you lay off the Asians, Lou? -- Diversity in metaphors, "Worst Episode Ever" % Agnes and CBG are going at it hot'n'heavy in his apartment. CBG: Well, you changed me, Agnes. Maybe there is room in my store for romance comics. Agnes: Nobody will buy those. Your store smells. Now kiss me, funny face. [they kiss] [Wiggum kicks down the door] Wiggum: All right -- oh, oh, dear God! Cover your eyes, boys. [Eddie loses it and throws up] Lou: [comforting him] It's okay, man. If it doesn't affect you, you're not human. Wiggum: Uh, Comic Book Guy, you're under arrest for the possession of illegal videos. But we'll reduce your sentence if you put your pants on -- fast. God! Lou: Come on, Romeo. [handcuffs CBG and takes him out of the room] CBG: They can't lock me up for long, Agnes. Will you wait for me? Agnes: Are you crazy? My bones are half dust! -- An argument for celibacy, "Worst Episode Ever" % Bart and Milhouse walk down the street. Milhouse: Well, we may not have the store, but at least we're friends again. Bart: Yup. And, we haven't been to school in days and days and days. Milhouse: Well, looks like everything's back to normal. [Flanders drives by. A big, glowing ape is in the passenger's seat. The ape smacks him on the head] Flanders: Look, if you want me to turn, just point. That-- [the ape smacks him again] Ow! [Flanders drives turns down a street, contrary to a directional arrow] It's a wrong way! [smack] Ow! Now what was that for? [smack] Ow! [smack] Ow! [smack] Ow! -- For Springfield, that's pretty normal, "Worst Episode Ever" % [End of Act Three. Time: 20:13] % % Normal end-credit music. The Gracie Sound is Agnes saying, "Why, % you ill-mannered sack of crap!" ============================================================================== > Contributors ============================================================================== {al} Andrew Levine {bg} Bruce Gomes {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {cl} Chad Lehman {ddg} Don Del Grande {dj} Darrel Jones {jg2} Joe Green {jk} Joe Klemm {jlm} Jesse L. McCann {tjm} Troy J. Mathews {tpl} T P. Liang {tr2} Tom Restivo ============================================================================== > Legal Mumbo Jumbo ============================================================================== This episode capsule is Copyright 2003 Benjamin Robinson. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer (capsules@snpp.com). All quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The Quote and Scene Summary itself is Copyright 2003 Benjamin Robinson. This capsule has been brought to you by Frodo's of Shelbyville. This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.