I'm With Cupid                                          Written by Dan Greaney
                                                      Directed by Bob Anderson
==============================================================================
Production code: AABF11                   Original Airdate on FOX: 14-Feb-1999
Capsule revision A (21-Sep-1999)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis
==============================================================================
   (United States): Elton John has a cameo, as Apu's continuous valentines to
   his wife (voice of Jan Hooks) make the rest of Springfield's men pale in
   comparison.  {bc}

   (Canadian):  Manjula (Jan Hooks) can definitely feel the love tonight when
   Apu showers her with numerous valentine gifts.  {hl}

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard:     HILLBILLIES ARE PEOPLE TOO

Couch:          Hair dryers go over OFF's heads.  They go up and each has
                another's hairstyle:  Homer has Lisa's, Marge has Bart's, Bart
                has Lisa's, Lisa has Bart's, and Maggie has Marge's.  Maggie
                tips over from weight of her new 'do.  [Recycled from AABF03]
                {hl}

==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... Surly appears on Apu's Duff calendar?
   ... Homer's reading a cereal box in bed?
   ... at 9:22 in the morning, Moe is drinking a beer in Homer's car?
   ... Capt. McAllister apparently has had homosexual tendencies?  [See
       "Comments" section for more.]
   ... the lettering in the closing credits was red?  [This may be a little
       obvious for a DYN, but those watching on black-and-white, or badly
       adjusted, sets might have missed it -- Ed.]

Ellen Cohen:
   ... the exploding digestive system model left brown splotches?  Didn't Apu
       clean out the innards before selling them to Marge?
   ... not only was there a Valentine's card for a blacksmith, and not only
       did Homer HAVE a blacksmith, but he got him a card?
   ... Homer stuffs the reject cards into a "Sick Grandma" compartment?
   ... Homer calls Manjula a squaw, meaning he considers Apu and Manjula
       American Indians (instead of Indian-Americans, I guess...)?
   ... the Simpsons actually had a discussion with their veterinarian about
       whether or not Santa's Little Helper should fetch the Sunday paper?
   ... how pissed Santa's Little Helper looked when he had to drag the paper
       over to Homer?
   ... Marge and Manjula not only play badminton, but have special badminton
       outfits?  Where were they playing?  [{je} identified it as "OFF's
       backyard."]
   ... Skinner talked openly about their relationship even though they were
       supposed to have publicly broken it off?
   ... both Snake and Reverend Lovejoy were at the meeting at Moe's?
   ... not only does Moe know they serve breakfast at Tiffany's (where we can
       safely assume the men never go shopping), but Homer knows how long it
       lasts?
   ... Moe's chest hair is gray?
   ... Mrs. Hibbert laughs just like her husband?

Ben Collins:
   ... in the couch gag, Maggie falls under the weight of Marge's hair?
   ... Apu's degree from the Springfield Heights Institute of Technology is on
       his wall?

Nathan Mulac DeHoff:
   ... Homer seems to be getting better at remembering holidays (even if his
       presents still aren't very good)?

Don Del Grande:
   ... not only does Apu have a turntable that has a 16rpm speed, but an album
       that plays at that speed?
   ... at the breakfast table, not only does Maggie not have her pacifier in
       her mouth, but it looks like her mouth is dirty?  (Although that might
       just have been my TV; I noticed quite a lot of "color bleeding" in that
       episode.)
   ... in bed, Homer has Frosty (instead of Frosted) Krusty Flakes?
   ... the Kwik-E-Mart is closed (for the third time, if I remember correctly
       (7F24, 1F09) - or fourth if you count "Back in 5 Minutes" in 3F18)?
   ... Apu has had two Knights perform on his roof (although Paul McCartney
       performed before he got his knighthood)?

Yuri Dieujuste:
   ... Homer is buying his Valentine's Day card early?
   ... Flanders goes to Moe's even though he has his own tap as seen in 5F23
       (The Joy of Sect)?
   ... Tiffany & Co. has a store in Springfield?  [Chanel, too.  It's a pretty
       high-class town -- Ed.]

Jordan Eisenberg:
   ... Marge doesn't shut Bart's light the second time she leaves the room?
   ... when Bart's digestive system project is ready to explode, it is shaped
       like a heart?
   ... Homer realizes he's holding a Kama-Sutra book, even though the cover is
       facing towards us?  (Maybe a certain picture on the back caught his
       eye!)
   ... the street Homer and Marge drive home on looks an awful lot like
       Evergreen Terrace, and they even pass a mirror image of their own house
       (twice)?
   ... the blacksmith's greeting card has a horseshoe on it?
   ... Maggie knows how to use silverware?
   ... Moe and Kent Brockman seems to resent Apu's gift-giving also, even
       though neither of them is in a relationship?  [{nd} replies, "Moe was
       upset because the girl he was stalking had him bumped back to 200 feet
       (or whatever).  As for Kent, he's married to Stephanie the weather
       lady, remember?"]
   ... you can hear the ripping sound as Ned grabs a handful of Moe's chest-
       hair?
   ... Moe is still wearing his rope-belt during the rest of the episode?
   ... Homer has apparently had some bad experiences with the skywriters' code
       before?
   ... you can see Homer's ass crack while he's kicking the Sarin tank?

Todd P. Emerson:
   ... Valentine's Day was clearly marked as being on a Sunday, but Ned
       apparently had no problem with missing church that day to help stalk
       Apu?

Andrew Gill:
   ... Apu prays to Gandhi, who is not a god?
   ... the young one valentine category?
   ... Ned is at Moe's?

Joe Green:
   ... Chief Wiggum apparently takes Viagra?  ("It's $10 a pill!")

Andy Howard:
   ... there's a picture of the Kwik-E-Mart from India on the wall behind
       Homer in the house?  (It's fast, you gotta be quick.)

Darrel Jones:
   ... Apu lives in an apartment now?
   ... Apu works 18 hours a day, 7 days a week?
   ... Surly shows up in the car on the calendar at the Kwik-E-Mart?
   ... Grampa and Jasper are Shriners?
   ... Elvis is seen in the pan-over at the airport?

Al Kennedy:
   ... Jasper and the Pasty Faced Lawyer at the airport?

Joe Klemm:
   ... Martin's brain model has working neurons?  ["I assumed he just stuck
       some blinking lights on it," writes Sarah Culp]
   ... Apu's Duff Beer calendar page for February is actually for 1999?
   ... Homer calls Elton John by his knight name?
   ... Ralph wears a bowl when his mom gives him a haircut?  [{tpe} comments,
       "And on the driveway, no less!  How bad is that?  Poor kid..."]
   ... the end credits were done in a red font?

Haynes Lee:
   ... this is the first appearance by a knighted guest?  [Ben Collins reminds
       us that Sir Paul McCartney wasn't knighted 1995, when he appeared in
       "Lisa the Vegetarian (3F03)" -- Ed.]
   ... Wiggum's wife giggled like the Poppin' Fresh Pillsbury doughboy?

Jim Pank:
   ... while everyone is heading back into the bar, Moe throws out, "Alcohol
       [Drinking, actually -- Ed.]  will help us plan"?

Mark Aaron Richey:
   ... the look on Bart's face when Marge says she'll do the project?
   ... Dr. Hibbert and Ned aren't drinking beer?
   ... the flowers on the bed?
   ... Apu throws the Tiffany's bag away?
   ... Tiffany's seems to have lunch too?
   ... Homer destroying a chimney?

Tom Rinschler:
   ... like in "I Love Lisa", Valentine Day is unusually warm?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... Marge's hair brushes against the canopy of Apu's apartment building?
   ... when Homer and Marge change places in the car, the animators took the
       trouble to draw Marge scooting over?
   ... as the parrot alights on Manjula's shoulder, we see the shuttlecock
       bouncing away in the background?
   ... the Quick-E-Mart's street address number is 8306?
   ... the closing credits are in red lettering?  [too obvious for a DYN, but]
   ... after all is said and done, Apu's closing the Quick-E-Mart appears to
       be the gesture that most impressed Manjula?

Benjamin Shyovitz:
   ... the "mayor type" in the personal ad is obviously Quimby?
   ... Elton John keeps Grammies in his jacket?
   ... it seems not so many Springfieldians have pools anymore (see [5F18])?

Hari Wierny:
   ... how quickly Sanjay counted the pennies?
   ... the picture of a turbaned man on Apu's wall?
   ... the vast amount of books Apu owns?
   ... Homer manages to throw the unwanted newspaper pull-outs right into the
       waste basket?
   ... the hearts beneath Apu's newspaper poem are the only colored things on
       the otherwise black and white page?
   ... nobody noticed Homer was stood on the bar table until he started
       talking?
   ... the "Moe's" sign is different from usual?
   ... Homer knew it was Elton John just by the plane?

Gary Wilson:
   ... Homer has quite an interest in Indian culture?  (seems to be familiar
       with Indian pop music and the book Kama Sutra)
   ... Maude is unhappy with Ned?  (maybe she is unhappy having a husband so
       much older than her)
   ... the Quick-E-Mart has been closed down by the health inspector?  (may
       have something to do with serving Champaign Squishees.)

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Sideshow Mel, Old Yiddisha Guy, Fantastic Dan)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Apu, Sanjay, Chief Wiggum, Moe)
   - Harry Shearer (Otto, Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Hibbert, Ned
        Flanders, Lenny, Cap'n McAllister, Sailor)

- Special Guest Voice
   - Jan Hooks (Manjula)
   - Elton John (Himself)
   - Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel)

- Also Starring
   - Pamela Hayden (Sarah)
   - Tress MacNeille (Jimbo, Bernice Hibbert [?])
   - Maggie Roswell (Maude Flanders)
   - Karl Wiedergott (Parrot)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + I'm With Stupid  {jk}
      - title spoofs popular novelty slogan

   + "Sleeping Beauty" (fairy tale)  {tr}
      - Home adapts this fairy tale in his story to Lisa.

   + "Jaws IV" (movie)  {bjr}
      - the first movie I can recall with the tagline, "This time, it's
        personal"  Whether this is true or not, Apu recycles it when extending
        Homer the dinner invitation

   - Jerry's Kids (charity)  {nd}
      - Manjula suggest Sanjay raid a Jerry's Kids penny jar in the event of a
        change emergency

   + Mahatma Ghandi (political leader)
      - Apu calls Manjula a "Ma hot mama"
      - later, Ghandi is mentioned during the dinner blessing:  "Good Ghandi,
        let's eat"  {bjr}

   + "Concert for Bangladesh" (album)
      - Apu dusts off his copy of "Concert against Bangladesh"

   + the Table Grace  {jm}
      - Apu's Grace similar to the Picnic Grace (It goes, "Good bread, good
        meat, Good Lord let's eat! ")

   + "I Love the Night Life" (song)
      - parrot sings this song, with new lyrics by Apu [{bjr} comments, "You
        know, women just love this sort of thing..."]

   + Baron Von Munchausen (person)
      - chocolate delivery truck comes from "Baron Von's Munch House"

   - "Baron Von Munchausen" (movie)  {ec}
      - skywriting pilot resembled the actor in the movie

   + "The X-Files" (TV series)
      - "Valentine's Day -- 9:22 AM" crawl is similar

   - "Romeo and Juliet"
      - Kent Brockman refers to Apu as the local `Romeo'  {hw}

   + "Breakfast at Tiffany's" (movie)
      - Springfield's Tiffany store has taken the title of this movie
        literally  [See "Comments" section for more]

   + "Love Boat" (TV show)  {hl}
      - Moe likens one of Apu's alleged plans to this series  [{mar} notes it
        was a "Long running, cheesy ABC comedy/drama about goings-on aboard a
        passenger ship"]

   - "The African Queen" (movie)  {ah}
      - title seems to have inspired name of "The Sardine Queen"

   ~ Sarin gas attack at Tokyo subway  {hl}
      - skywriter has recycled Sarin gas container on his plane

   + the Valentine's Day massacre  {hl}
      - Apu likens his plan to show Manjula his love to this infamous Mob
        killing

   - "The English Patient"  {hl}

   - "North by Northwest"  {tpe}
      - biplane heading towards someone

   + "Take Me to the Pilot" (song)  {dj}

   + "Someone Saved My Life Tonight"  (song)  {hl}

   + "The Bitch is Back"  (song)  {hl}
      - Apu notes the similarities between the events in his life, and these
        Elton John song titles

   + "Pillsbury Doughboy" (advertising character)
      - Wiggum calls his wife "Poppin' Fresh"
      - his wife laughs like the Pillsbury Doughboy  {yd}

   - "Your Song" (song)  {hl}
      - Mr. John sings a new version of this for Apu and Manjula

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- [MG07] "Good rice, good curry, good Gandhi let's hurry" is similar to "Good
         drink, good meat - good God, let's eat"  {ddg}
- [7G02] Children are covered in green stuff thanks to a science experiment
         accident  {bc}
- [7G04] Apu's dinner prayer is a parody of Bart's  {hw}
- [7G05], [5F08] "Code of the Schoolyard" and the "Carny Code"  {je}
- [7F03] Marge watches Bart pray  {hw}
- [7F12] "Good-bye Yellow Brick Road" prom theme (Elton John)  {hl}
- [7F24], [1F09], [3F18] Kwik-E-Mart closed  {ddg}
- [8F02], [9F04], [9F16] A heart-shaped iris ends the story  {je}
- [8F05] Homer finds monkeys amusing  {jg}
- [8F21], [3F10] Poppin' Fresh is mentioned  {gw}
- [9F08] "Iron/drinking helps us play"  {bc}
- [9F13] Valentine's cards with corny jokes
- [9F13] First Valentine-themed episode  {hl}
- [9F14] Duff calendar and Surly shown  {gw}
- [9F17], [5F17] Homer is repeatedly hit in the head  {je}
- [9F21] Homer throws out a Grammy Award
- [1F09] Homer editorializing in Moe's Tavern  {hw}
- [1F10] There is a framed picture of the original Kwik-E-Mart on Apu's wall
         {hw}
- [1F20] Marge angrily states that Homer "just doesn't get it"  {je}
- [2F07] The Kama Sutra appears
- [2F09] Paddling as initiation ritual mentioned  {gw}
- [3F03] Apu's rooftop garden-cum-concert venue
- [3F08] Homer enjoys air shows  {je}
- [3F11] Homer mangles the pronunciation of a word into food  {bc}
- [3F24] Homer has stomach problems as a result of eating chili  {hw}
- [3G01] Location and time flashes on the screen  {gw}
- [3G02] Someone tries to cheat the health inspector  {dj}
- [4F03] Jimbo's belt is just a piece of extension cord  {je}
- [4F04] "I Love the Night Life" referenced (bc}
- [4F06] Bernice Hibbert speaks  {je}
- [4F07] "I'm With Stupid" shirt  {hl}
- [4F11] Homer and John dance to "I Love the Night Life"  {ol}
- [4F13] Person placed in pet cage  {cj}
- [4F15] Mint juleps are mentioned  {ec}
- [4F17] Mr. Burns tentatively pronounces "re-cy-cling?"  (cf. Manjula saying
         "weekends")
- [4F18] Raccoon attacks Homer's face  {hl}
- [4F24] Apu, master of clever puns  {je}
- [5F04] Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon appears.  {je}
- [5F04] Apu's wedding  mentioned
- [5F06] Sideshow Mel's wife  {je}
- [5F08] The skywriter is the same guy who lived in the Whack-A-Mole  {lg}
- [AABF01] No smoking in the Kwik-E-Mart  {je}

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- ATM behind Marge  {ah}

    E - Z $

- Anatomy models on the bus  {bjr}

    - Sherri and Terri:  hand and foot
    - Martin:  brain with blinking lights
    - Milhouse:  eye sock puppet
    - Bart:  digestive system

- the album that Apu pulls out  {ah}

    CONCERT AGAINST BANGLADESH
    [there's a pic of a mushroom
     cloud below)

- Chocolate delivery truck  {bjr}

       BARON
       VON'S
    MUNCH HOUSE

- In Moe's  {mar}
   - Moe, Barney, Mel, Skinner, Captain, Homer, Snake, Eddie, Lou, Ned, Lenny,
     Carl, Sam, Larry

- Subtitle

   VALENTINE'S DAY - 9:22 A.M.

- Boat Apu isn't renting  {ah}

    INDIAN SUMMER

- Cap'n McAllister's boat  {bjr}

    SARDINE
     QUEEN

- Sign on skywriter's plane  {ah}

    Fantastic
        Dan    [in script font]

- Rose farm  {bjr}

    THORN
    VALLEY
    ROSES

- signs outside the Kwik-E-Mart  {je}

      CLOSED              PLEASE
        FOR                COME
    VALENTINE'S            AGAIN
       DAY

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
c  When Jimbo was buying tin foil, we heard, "Cool Hat," but the closed
   captioning said, "I have a hat."  {ag}

=  The skull on Jimbo's T-shirt looks a little different.  {bs}

=  The bus doesn't look right either.  {bs}

=  In Otto's mirror view of the school bus, Milhouse is replaced with two
   different kids, one of whom looks like Martin.  {je}

=  Why didn't Nelson get hit by the brown goo on the bus?  {ec}

c  When Apu began playing the record, we heard "You make me feel so young,"
   but the CC just said, "Some song."  {ag}

c  The lyrics were captioned incorrectly as well, appearing as, "Fly me away
   to the moon" and "To play amongst the stars."  {ah}

=  There is no bookshelf in the establishing shot of Apu's apartment, and it's
   impossible for it to be against the 'invisible' walls, because it'd block
   the windows.  (Unless it's in the kitchen.)  {je}

+  The Kwik-E-Mart never had a greeting card section before.  [But {ec}
   counters, "Oh, come on, it's a holiday!  Every place will put up a special
   section for the holidays!"]  {dj}

-  The buttons on the microwave change in the scene where SLH gets the paper.
   The two buttons on the microwave separated by two spaces disappear when
   Homer gets the paper from SLH but reappear when he stands up.  {ah}

-  The Krusty on the Krusty cereal box is drawn wrong; his red nose isn't
   round.  {dj}

=  The cereal box Homer was reading disappears.  {hw}

=  There are lines that appear when Marge & Manjula hit the shuttlecock.  {ah}

*  Apu's voice seems to echo in the air tight chocolate-Apu.  {hw}

=  The wheels on Apu's stagecoach 'glide' across the road, because they're not
   turning at the proper speed relative to the coach.  {je}

=  Moe's drink disappears.  {mar}

*  What was Ned doing at Moe's?  {jg}

*  And more importantly, why did he take part in a petty, vindictive scheme to
   divert attention from his own shortcomings as a husband?  {jg}

*  Moe isn't married, so why is he bothered about Apu?  {hw}

*  Why would Ned come along to stalk Apu if he was against the idea the whole
   time?  {ec}

=  Ned Flanders switches from the middle seat to the window seat in Homer's
   car.  {je}

+  After Homer throws his shoe at Dan, he some how gets it back.  {ah}

+  Ned's pet name for Maude is not "angel", it's "Popcorn Ball" in [7F08].
   {bs}

=  Some of Homer's rose scratches don't move when he does, like the ones on
   his arm and upper lip.  {bjr}

=  Apu's "CLOSED" notices and his garden in the shade don't appear in the
   establishing shot of the Kwik-E-Mart.  {je}

*  It's still Valentine's Day, but Apu's already taken down his store display.
   {je}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Ellen Cohen:  I thought it was a cute romantic story!  Elton John made light
   of himself pretty well, and Homer wasn't nearly as bad as he has been.  (I
   hate to put it that way...I think the writers have lowered our standards
   for Homer's behavior.)  But I enjoyed the story, and I never saw "The Two
   Mrs. Nahasa...etc.", and I love the idea of a week of romantic surprises.
   (Wish a guy would do that for me!)  (A-)

Ben Collins:  I'm probably not the first to make up this rhyme, but "I'm With
   Cupid" is really stupid.  [Actually, you were the first, at least in this
   forum -- Ed.]  It's a pointless, one-joke episode that goes nowhere.  Elton
   John's cameo is utterly useless.  Dan Greaney is the best writer on the
   staff today; he knows better than this.  It goes to show how starved the
   staff is for ideas that even Greaney has run dry on good stories.
   Nonetheless, I appreciate his efforts to give some time to every member of
   the family, and the ending is very nice.  (C-)

Nathan Mulac DeHoff:  I tend to like Apu episodes, and this was a step up from
   last year's offering in that department.  It was nice to see Apu's home
   life, and the characters were well-written.  I can't recall any moments
   when I was "rolling on the floor" (as they say on the Internet), but there
   were plenty of good gags.  [...]  The previous episode references were
   well-done, too.  (The writer actually remembered Apu's roof garden, and the
   names of Sideshow Mel's and Chief Wiggum's wives.)  While I might not have
   given this episode such a high grade in an earlier season, I'm going to go
   ahead and give it an  (A)

Jeff Dean:  As Season Ten episodes go, this one wasn't half bad.  It was good
   to see more of Manjula, Apu's foxy bride.  The ending of Act One, with
   Homer completely engrossed in the Kama Sutra, had me rolling.  The plot was
   strong enough to sustain my interest throughout this week.  Elton John's
   guest spot even made me smile a little.  Homer was a bit mean-spirited, but
   he was an angel compared to the way I've seen him act.  Good ending, too.
   (A)

Yuri Dieujuste:  Season 10 must be attempting to make updated versions of
   common events such as the Super Bowl and Valentine's Day.  The writers have
   made a good replacement for the Super Bowl, but Valentine's Day has been
   shot down. This episode was poorly crafted and it lacked any sense.  The
   first two acts were good, but the last act was a shameful and poorly made
   ending.  (D)

Jordan Eisenberg:  Hey, wow, that was pretty darn good!  Dan Greaney's place
   as my favorite current writer stays put, with his latest being a
   lighthearted, smart and exciting tale that starts off with the most un-zany
   opening all season, and finishes with a hilarious fight between Homer and a
   dedicated skywriter.  Apu's problems were believable, the townsfolk were
   featured well without being the stars, and Homer remembered to keep his
   mouth shut unless he has something funny to say.  Bart's science project
   subplot was nothing but an excuse for Marge to go to the Kwik-E-Mart late
   at night, and was otherwise useless, but gave us a few funny scenes before
   it was cut short.  It's not the funniest of the season, but probably the
   most satisfying:  (B)

Alex Flandonwittsy:  Like always these days, Home-boy owned this episode, yet
   some good support was brought from other residents of Springfield.  This ep
   had a few humorous laughs, a nice(tacked on) cameo, and a good focus on Apu
   and Manjula. The problem was, though, that Homer acted too much like he
   usually does in this season: a jerk.  And that is never a good thing.  (C)

Curtis Gibby:  I loved the first act.  The humor was fresh and it even had a
   subplot (Bart's anatomy project-- where did that go in the second and third
   acts?  Hello!)  The second act bored me, but the action picked up toward
   the end.  LOL moments included Bart's prayer in the first act, the record
   speed/Indian music gag, the Kama Sutra bit, Sara Wiggum being referred to
   as Poppin' Fresh, the aforementioned Grammy bashing, and the champagne
   Squishy (which ought to get Manjula pretty darn hammered.)  (A-)

Andrew Gill:  Aside from the beginning and end, this was a great episode.  The
   zany flying thing was a little too much for me, and the gastrointestinal
   project was pointless, but the characterization was dead on.  I loved (pun
   not intended) the interplay between Manjula and Apu, and Homer was great.
   The overall zaniness leaves me a little nonplussed, though.  (B-)

Carl Johnson:  I believe this to be the second best episode of Season 10, just
   behind "Bart The Mother."  First, it was upbeat.  It's good to have a
   cheerful episode every now and then.  The entire focus wasn't on Homer's
   marital problems, which has become more of a Simpsons cliche over the
   years.  This wasn't the funniest episode, but it was quite well-written
   (like Homer's Phobia, only not that good).  An original ending-- not
   something you would expect, and no loose ends.  Many of the recent episodes
   have had really lackadaisical endings-- look at "Viva Ned Flanders," "Das
   Bus," and "Dumbbell Indemnity."  This was not one of them.  Many funny
   moments, such as "Hey, look, Marge, they took our idea," and Marge and
   Homer's reckless driving with the Kama Sutra book.  The Viagra line was
   cute, and we finally got to hear Dr. Hibbert's wife speak.  (A)

Darrel Jones:  A wonderful make-up for last week's "Homer to the Max", only
   the second bad episode this season.  The scene in Apu's apartment is a
   classic!  And Homer displays more intelligence/caring than usual.  Even
   when he's petty enough to wanna "get" Apu, so are the rest of the men in
   Springfield.  (A)

Joe Klemm:  This is indeed a clever Valentine's day episode of the Simpsons,
   though not as funny as "I Love Lisa."  While there's not that much
   memorable moments in this episode, the climatic battle between Homer and
   Dan, the skywriter, was clever.  (B)

Jake Lennington:  I loved this wonderful episode!  For once, we have a nicely
   rounded, emotional episode that features more than a Jerk-Ass Homer!
   Woo-Hoo! Even Elton's lines were funny and the  musical bit at the end was
   nicely done.  This is the best episode of season 10 and I don't think it
   will be topped.  (A+)

Ondre Lombard:  Not a particularly funny effort, nor an offensive one.
   Whenever it's not interesting, it's bland.  The plot's turn in which
   Springfield's men blame Apu for their shaky marriages and go on the warpath
   against him is mean-spirited, but I guess it could've been a lot worse.
   Elton John has a pretty forced cameo, but at least it tends to be funny.
   And it's given a point when he performs a (IMO, nice) song for Apu and
   Manjula at the end. It's probably one of Dan Greaney's weakest episodes
   ever, but this season has offered a lot worse.  (C+)

Paul Melnyk:  This Episode IMO, completely bombed.  It was plotless and
   confusing.  I was getting confused between Manjula mad at Apu, Marge mad at
   Homer, Manjula liking Apu, guys getting angry at Apu, etc.  Sir Elton John
   guest starring? Intriguement!  Another celebrity gets wasted with unfunny
   dribble.  This Episode wasn't really funny either, only cracking smiles at
   minute references.  Usually when an Episode isn't funny, we have a good
   plot, something which saved "Wizard Of Evergreen Terrace", yet a good plot
   was absent in this Episode. Back to the Marge thing, Homer doesn't buy
   gifts for Marge?!  Great, now Homer can be forgiven by once again giving
   another gift, still 1K off!  This drivel gets an  (F)

Abhi Rey:  There was just no life to this episode.  It was a good feeling to
   watch Apu showering his wife with gifts.  The first act was pretty good,
   when we got to see Apu's apartment.  However, there just wasn't enough
   humor around.  I expected a lot more humor concerning Apu's Indian
   heritage, but there was very little in acts 2 and 3.  Also, it was annoying
   that the men sabotaging Apu just followed him around for a long time and
   resulted in a silly fight between Homer and the skywriter.  There was
   potential for a lot more drama than that.  (Remember Dan Greaney's third
   acts in his other episodes My Sister, My Sitter and King Size Homer?)  I
   liked "The 2 Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons" better.  (C)

Tom Rinschler:  An interesting story, but slowed in parts.  I liked the
   development Apu's and Manjula's relationship, and there were several
   classic OFF moments (Apu closing the "door", for example).  Overall, the
   episode left me with a slightly good feeling, being neither hopelessly
   average nor terrible, yet not exceptionally good.  (B)

Jason Rosenbaum:  Good plot, good humor, good guest star, good episode!
   Tonight's episode was much better than recent efforts.  Although the Bart
   subplot made absolutely no sense, and Homer put himself in jerk mode, the
   minor characters stole the show. "Sara, these pills cost $10 each!"  LOL!
   Not the best of the season, but it certainly recaptured my interest in the
   show.  (B+)

Mike Smith:  One of the sweetest endings ever, alongside with my all-time
   favorite episode, "Lisa's First Word" (9F08), for the sweetest endings
   sweepstakes. Sir Elton John gets my vote for Best Guest Star Of The Year!
   (A)

Gary Wilson:  It was a decent episode.  It had so many quick references to
   bizarre things about characters (like the Blacksmith thing) that I couldn't
   catch them all. This reminded me of the fourth, fifth and sixth seasons.
   It got very strange around the time when Elton John showed up, especially
   the airplane scene, but it basically had a solid flow of good jokes and an
   adequately down to earth plot.  I really like Apu as a character and I was
   glad to see more of him but somehow I had assumed we would never see
   Manjula again.  It seemed a little sit-comish to have her reappear like it
   was the most natural thing in the world.  No big deal.  Basically, I
   enjoyed it.  (B-)

Yours Truly:  Nothing fancy here, just good solid storytelling.  In this case,
   several short set-pieces, like the dinner party, Apu's various gifts to
   Manjula, and the barflies' attempts to stop him, weave together to make one
   fine show.  Lead writer Dan Greaney's talent for writing for the kids also
   shows, primarily in the first act.  To top it off, Elton John and Jan Hooks
   are both enjoyable guest performers.  (A)

AVERAGE GRADE:  B (3.08)   Std Dev.: 1.0011   (29 reviews computed)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> "Many small imperfections"

Mark Aaron Richey could really relate to this one:  This joke really hit home,
   since my mother seems to always go out of her way to point out flaws in her
   dress, her appearance, and her house.


Paul Tomko replies:  In some cultures, imperfections are built into their
   wares because if it was perfect, it would insult the gods, who are also
   perfect.


>> "Concert against Bangladesh"

Mark Aaron Richey:  Bangladesh is one of the world's most populous, and most
   crowded countries.  It is also one of the poorest, and is often hit by
   devastating typhoons.  One such typhoon in 1970 inspired former Beatle (and
   future OFF guest star) George Harrison to organize the very first benefit
   concert, the Concert for Bangladesh.  [{bc} notes the album won a Grammy in
   1972.]

   Bangladesh, which is surrounded by India on three sides (the fourth is the
   Indian Ocean), was broken off from India in 1945 and made a part of
   Pakistan (India's mortal enemy), despite being physically separated from
   the rest of Pakistan.  In 1971, civil war broke out, and Bangladesh became
   an independent nation.  In general, India is friendlier to Bangladesh than
   to Pakistan (mainly because Bangladesh hates Pakistan, too).  However, to
   call the two countries allies is a stretch.


Indeed, says Benjamin Robinson:  There is something more than a simple title
   spoof going on here.  Bangladesh in a former life was known as East
   Pakistan, and you don't want to invite Indians and Pakistanis to the same
   party.  Some of the animosity is cultural (Indians are predominately Hindu;
   Pakistanis, mainly Muslim).  A good portion of the rest comes from the
   usual border-dispute stuff.  Recently, the two nations ratcheted
   hostilities up a notch by starting nuclear-weapon programs, which makes the
   mushroom cloud on the album cover both chilling and appropriate.


>> Oh, so that's what that's for

Someone named "Rilchiam@aol.com" solves the mystery of the "16RPM" setting:  I
   have it on authority from a friend who's a record collector that the 16RPM
   speed was invented for "talking book records", way back when, before
   cassettes. That speed allowed for much more time on a 12" disk, as opposed
   to 30 minutes or so at 33 1/3.  It was really only suitable for spoken
   word, not music, and eventually cassettes came into wide circulation, so
   16RPMs went the way of BetaMax and 8-tracks.


Bill Hollett follows up with:  The reason they had the 16 RPM [as opposed to
   some other speed, like 20RPM or 15RPM] speed was to allow for double the
   length of the recording at a reduced sound quality.  This would have been
   poor for music, but was fine for simple voice recording.


Benjamin Robinson suggests:  Maybe the Stonecutters are behind it somehow.


Incidentally, Jeremy Gallen identifies the song as, "You Make Me Feel So
   Young."


>> Mohondas J. Mahatma

Andrew Gill:  Mohondas K. Gandhi was referred to as Mahatma, out of respect.
   Gandhi is a very common name in India.  In fact, the secretary of the
   enrichment room at my school is named Gandhi, and my brother knew a Gandhi.
   Apu refers to this great leader twice, calling Manjula a Mahat-mama, and
   later praying to Gandhi.


>> Home Cooking

Hari Wierny comments on the Indian feast served at Apu's apartment:  I've been
   to several Indian restaurants in the past, and I must say chick peas and
   especially rice are common ingredients in dishes, but are not used as
   frequently as the Nahasapeemapetilons use them.

   Apparently, Manjula either cooks in a different style than Apu, or knows
   what kind of meals are suitable for average Westerners.  In 1F10, Apu's
   meal was a bit much for Marge, but Marge seems to enjoy the meal Manjula
   cooks here.


>> Squaw

Andrew Gill:  "Squaw" is a derogatory term for a female American Indian.  The
   word comes from the French word for the Latin word for "sheath."  Uh,
   that's about as well as I can say it in polite company.  A few years back,
   some high-schoolers tried to change the name of nearby "Squaw Lake."  I'm
   not sure if they succeeded.  Boy, am I glad that they never stumbled upon
   Tidioute, PA...


Alan Hamilton counters:  Although a lot of people believe this, it's actually
   from an Algonquin word meaning "woman".  OTOH, it's often been used in a
   belittling fashion.


>> Now, guess which idea!

Hari Wierny:  The book Homer reads in the car -- the Kama Sutra -- is an
   Indian book based upon sex.  The book contains illustrations of various
   positions (so I've heard) which would explain Homer's line, "hey, they
   stole our idea!"


>> Car Watch, I Love You

Benjamin Robinson:  Apu's calendar shows one of the Seven Duffs driving a red
   Chevrolet Corvette convertible, the kind made before the recent redesign.
   His personal car is still the red Pontiac Firebird.


>> Well, that was a waste of ten bucks!

You've seen Bob Dole advertise it, now read Benjamin Robinson's explanation:
   Chief Wiggum's plaintive comment, "It's $10 a pill," suggests that he's a
   Viagra user.  Created to help men suffering from erectile dysfunction
   (Kids!  Ask your parents what that means if you want to have your computer
   privileges taken away!), Viagra is expensive, with $10 per pill being the
   consensus figure.  The cost has led insurance companies into some prickly
   debates, like how many pills should be rationed out to their policyholders,
   if indeed any should be at all.


>> Love is fleeting, but temporary tattoos last forever.

Jordan Eisenberg:  Marge only went through the past seven years of receipts.
   Had she gone a few years earlier, the results might have been fairer,
   because gift-giving is more of a courtship ritual, and the time period nine
   or ten years ago is when they were still newlyweds.  [Romance experts
   suggest that couples keep giving romantic gifts to one another even after
   the wedding, though -- Ed.]


>> The Blame Game

The episode assumes that we're to feel that the guys in Springfield are cads
   who neglect their wives.  Dan Tropea feels differently:  I loved the "we
   can take the easy way out and blame ourselves or we can blame Apu."
   Actually I think Homer was right.  Apu was violating tradition and making
   them look bad. It wasn't entirely their fault they weren't doing it.


>> Let he who is without sin cast the first stone

Several people noted that Ned was apparently playing hooky from church.  Paul
   Tomko doesn't think so:  This is something that comes up a lot.  Every time
   it is a Sunday and Ned is not at Church, people claim it as a mistake.
   Contrary to popular opinion, the typical Church service lasts just a little
   over one hour. Sunday school, if a family chooses to attend, might be
   another hour. It is not true that every Christian family should be in
   Church from 12:00 A.M on Sunday until 11:59 that night.


Todd Emerson adds:  Anyway, the clock at the bottom of the screen claimed it
   was only 9:22 am, so maybe Ned had gone to an early service that morning,
   like around 8:00 am.


Mark Aaron Richey argues the other side:  I'm usually in church from about
   9:30 until noon on Sunday (12:30 if I linger and talk to friends).
   However, Ned would be the type that would spend all day in church on
   Sunday, especially on Sunday morning.  I still consider that a mistake.


>> Can you get a croissan'wich there?

Mark Aaron Richey:  Breakfast at Tiffany's-Both classic novel by Truman
   Capote, and completely different classic movie with Audrey Hepburn (as well
   as a very short lived Broadway musical from the 60's and a 1995 song by the
   Dallas band Deep Blue Something).  Tiffany's is, of course, the famed
   jewelry store in New York.


>> Arr!  This will suit me well on those lonely nights out in Gaul.

Is Cap'n McAllister gay?  Not so fast, says Andrew Gill:  I've mentioned this
   before, but Roman armies used to resort to homosexuality when they were
   away from their wives, and no women were available.  This did not
   necessarily mean that they were gay, however. Apparently, Capt. McAllister
   has a similar problem with his crew.


>> Elton and his Jets

Well, actually, not so much about his jet.  Mark Aaron Richey gives us a quick
   bio:  One of the world's most popular musicians, he has had an
   unprecedented string of hits stretching back to the early 70's, including
   the best-selling single of all time, "Candle in the Wind 1997", his tribute
   to Princess Diana.  He is well known for being flamboyant, though he has
   toned it down in recent years.  The mildly offensive gay joke in the
   episode surprised me, since John is easily the most successful openly gay
   entertainer in the world.


Benjamin Robinson:  I'll throw in two observations related to his episode.

   First, as he mentioned, Elton John's name is not actually, "Elton John."
   It's really Elton Jimmy.  No, seriously, I think it's Reginald Dwight.  Not
   a bad name, but not catchy enough to use on a marquee.

   Secondly, notice that Elton (or Reginald, or whomever) provided new lyrics
   one of his songs for his performance on Apu's roof.  He did this same
   thing, using "Candle in the Wind," for his late friend Lady Diana Spencer.


Darrel Jones writes:  Elton John has had at least one Top 40 hit for every
   year from 1970 ("Your Song", which he sang to Manjula at episode's end) to
   1998 ("Candle in the Wind 1997" / "Something About the Way You Look
   Tonight"), 29 consecutive years.


This begs the question, "What were those songs?"  The list is a long and
   interesting one.  And, thanks to Darrel Jones, here it is.

   The format [for the list] is: Year Reached Top 40, Title, Peak Position.
   (To make the numbers work, a few songs have to be moved a bit, but all were
   listed in the Top 40 in the year indicated.)

   1970:  Your Song (#8)

   1971:  Friends (#34)

   1972:  Levon (#24), Rocket Man (#6), and Honky Cat (#8)

   1973:  Crocodile Rock (#1), Daniel (#2), Saturday Night's Alright for
   Fighting (#12), and Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (#2)

   1974:  Bennie and the Jets (#1), Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me (#2), The
   Bitch is Back (#4), Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (#1)

   1975:  Philadelphia Freedom (#1), Someone Saved My Life Tonight (#4),
   Island Girl (#1)

   1976:  Grow Some Funk of Your Own (#14), Don't Go Breaking My Heart (w/
   Kiki Dee) (#1), Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word (#6)

   1977:  Bite Your Lip (Get Up and Dance!)  (#28)

   1978:  Ego (#34), Part Time Love (#22)

   1979:  Mama Can't Buy You Love (#9) and Victim of Love (#31)

   1980:  Little Jeannie (#3) and  Sartorial Eloquence (Don't You Wanna Play
   this Game No More?)  (#39)

   1981:  Nobody Wins (#21) and Chloe (#34)

   1982:  Empty Garden (Hey Hey Johnny) (#13) and Blue Eyes (#12)

   1983:  I'm Still Standing (#12), Kiss the Bride (#25), I Guess That's Why
   They Call It the Blues (#4)

   1984:  Sad Songs (Say So Much) (#5), Who Wears These Shoes?  (#16)

   1985:  In Neon (#38), Wrap It Up (#20), That's What Friends are For (w/
   Dionne Warwick, Gladys Knight & Stevie Wonder ("Dionne & Friends")) (#1)

   1986:  Nikita (#7)

   1987:  Flames of Paradise (w/ Jennifer Rush) (#36), Candle in the Wind
   ("live") (#6)

   1988:  I Don't Want to Go On With You Like That (#2), A Word in Spanish
   (#19)

   1989:  Through the Storm (w/ Aretha Franklin) (#16), Healing Hands (#13)

   1990:  Sacrifice (#18), Club at the End of the Street (#28)

   1991:  Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me (w/ George Michael) ("live") (#1)

   1992:  The One (#9) and The Last Song (#23)

   1993:  Simple Life (#30)

   1994:  Can You Feel the Love Tonight (#4) and Circle of Life (#18)

   1995:  Believe (#13)

   1996:  Blessed (#34)

   1997:  Candle in the Wind '97 ("live") (#1)

   1998:  Something About the Way you Look Tonight (#1)

   [As I write this, Mr. John has about three more months to sing something
   popular and keep the streak going for 1999 -- Ed.]


>> Miscellaneous, Etc.

The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is:  Why Do Apus Fall In Love?


Jordan Eisenberg's Alterna-alterna-title:  "There's Something About Manjula"


Andrew Gill:  You can drink your own urine 7 times before it becomes deadly.
   Dunno about your own feces, though...


Joe Klemm:  Introduced in 1997, Dinky, the Chihuahua, is the advertising
   character for Taco Bell.  Helping in the promotion of Gorditas and other
   meals on the Taco Bell menu, Dinky has inspired a series of T-shirts and
   talking stuffed animals.


Haynes Lee:  An Indian Summer is a North American weather phenomena
   characterized by crisp, dry, warm temperatures during the Fall.


Mark Aaron Richey contributes these two items:  Suprisingly, Springfield
   doesn't seem to have any 24-hour supermarkets.  Most cities have at least
   one all night market, and most good sized chains now stay open 24-7.

   "La Bohéme" Tragic opera (are there any other kind [Yeah, actually -- Ed.])
   about a group of artists/bohemians in Paris in the 1830's.  It was adapted
   into the hugely popular (and somewhat overrated) musical "Rent".

   The Taco Bell Dog -- A tiny Chihuahua, who stars in one of the most popular
   series of commercials running right now.


For the "Where is Springfield?" crowd, Tom Rinschler notes:  Springfield is
   located somewhere warm enough for roses to bloom in February.


Benjamin Robinson:  The Kama Sutra is, I believe, a combination religious text
   and lovemaking how-to manual.  Western civilization tends to concentrate on
   the latter aspect, giving the spiritual side the short shrift.


==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary  {hw} {bjr}
==============================================================================
% It's another evening in Springfield.  At the Simpsons residence,
% Homer has tucked Lisa in and is telling her a bedtime fairy tale.

Homer:    And then the handsome prince realized he had to go to the
          bathroom really bad, but the evil ogre -- Barney -- had left
          the men's room in the most wicked condition!  So the prince
          went out back to the enchanted alley --
Lisa:     [interrupting] That's not a fairy tale; it's something that
          happened to you at Moe's!
Homer:    Sssh. Anyway, the prince passed out for a hundred years,
          until he was awakened by the kiss of a noble raccoon!
-- Fractured Fairy Tales, "I'm With Cupid"

% Meanwhile, in Bart's bedroom, Marge is watching him pray before going
% to sleep.

And thank you, God, for the bad stuff adults do, which distracts
attention from stuff I'm doing.  Amen.
-- Bart, praying, "I'm With Cupid"

% Marge adds, "he's also thankful for your bounty, Lord."  Bart says
% good night to Marge, and she does the same to Bart.  Then Bart springs
% a surprise on his mother:  He has to make a model of the digestive
% system for a school project -- due tomorrow.  Marge scolds her son,
% but eventually caves and agrees to make the whole thing.  At the Kwik-
% E-Mart, she purchases the materials for the model.

Apu:      OK, paper mache mix, pipe cleaners, pig intestines, and
          sparkle paint!
Marge:    You're a life saver, Apu.  All the other stores are closed!
Apu:      [gasp] At 11:30?  But this is the peak hour for stoned
          teenagers buying shiny things!
Jimbo:    [elsewhere in the store, observing a roll of tin foil] Whoa,
          it's a living mirror ... cool hat!
Marge:    Well, I'm glad you're always here, but isn't it a little
          rough on  your marriage?
Apu:      You know, Manjula understands.  I told her that endless toil
          is the only true path out of this jerk-water berg.
Marge:    Well, if you have a free night, we'd love to have you two
          over for dinner!
Apu:      Oh, please, do not be insane - you hosted our wedding!  The
          least we could do is have you over for dinner.  [grimly
          serious]  It is payback time, and this time ... it's
          personal.
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% The next morning, Marge sits at the kitchen table, and makes a final
% adjustment to Bart's project.  The kids come in.  Bart congratulates
% her, and Lisa praises it for sounding so real -- a faint rumbling can
% be heard.  The rumbling is, in fact, Homer stood at the refrigerator,
% clutching his unsatisfied stomach.

[in pain] Ooohh ... I'm never eating chili again ...  [spirits rise]
Ooh, chili!
-- Homer finding some food in the refrigerator, "I'm With Cupid"

% The students of Springfield Elementary are sat in the school bus,
% holding their precious projects.  Nelson pops up from behind Bart's
% seat and begins messing about with Bart's project.  Sarcastically
% claiming to be "solving world hunger," Nelson grabs an intestine and
% shoves it into the mouth on the model's head.  The fluid pumping
% through the intestines starts blocking in the mouth, and the model
% inflates.  Otto notices it in the rear view mirror and warns the kids,
% but it's too late.  The kids scream as the model implodes and sends
% gunk all over the inside of the bus.

Bart: I hope you're happy, Nelson.
Nelson: Very.  But I can't help wondering where I go from here ...
-- Nelson, after blowing up Bart's science project, "I'm With Cupid"

% Later that day, Sanjay is minding the Kwik-E-Mart.

Sanjay:   Stop worrying, Apu, the Kwik-E-Mart is in good hands!
          [cut to Apu's apartment]
Apu:      I am not checking up on you, I am simply asking you how many
          pennies you have left.  SEVEN?!  I'll be right there!
-- Apu, paranoid about leaving the store for a night, "I'm With Cupid"

% Manjula takes the receiver from Apu's hand, and tells Sanjay that Apu
% won't be right there; that he's entertaining tonight, and to get
% pennies from Jerry's [as in Jerry Lewis] jar.  They embrace.

Apu:      This is why I married you.  Whoo, what an outfit!  You are
          one ma-hot-mama!
Manjula:  You think so?
Apu:      Why, I could not let you in the store like that because you
          are smoking!
Manjula:  [flattered] Oh, Apu ...  [they kiss, as the door bell rings]
Apu:      Maybe we should not answer it, uh?
Homer:    [walks in with Marge] Door's unlocked.
-- Ruining the moment again, "I'm With Cupid"

% Surprised, Manjula and Apu welcome Marge and Homer to their Indian-
% esque apartment.

Marge:    What a lovely home!
Manjula:  Oh, you are too kind, Marge ...  I am sure you have noticed
          the many small imperfections that fill me with shame.
Marge:    Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ...  if anything, your home
          makes me ashamed of my home.
Manjula:  Let us say we both feel bad!
Marge:    Deal!
-- ... you should really get out more, "I'm With Cupid"

% Apu asks Homer who his favorite Indian pop singer is.  Homer doesn't
% want to choose, so Apu chooses one.  He places a vinyl record onto his
% player, and it's a loud mixture of stereotypical Indian music,
% involving shouting and screaming and high speed music playing.  Apu
% realizes he is playing it at the wrong speed, and quickly alters it,
% revealing the album is in fact a Frank Sinatra type selection.  Later,
% the two couples are about to eat their food.

Good rice, good curry, good Ghandi, let's hurry.
-- Apu, saying grace, "I'm With Cupid"

% They dig in.

Marge:    Mmmm ... this is delicious!  What's in it?
Manjula:  Chickpeas, lentils, and rice.
Marge:    And what's in this?
Manjula:  Chickpeas and lentils.
Apu:      Fried with rice.
-- There might be some chickpeas in there, too, "I'm With Cupid"

% Marge mentions how glad she is that the two couples are having this
% meal together, and Manjula jokes about how dedicated Apu and Homer are
% towards their work.

Marge:    [sarcastically] Oh yeah, Homer's a real go-getter!
Homer:    [sarcastically] Oh yeah, I'm going right to the top!  [both
          laugh]
          [Homer's pager beeps] Hmmm ... what's an "elt-down"?  Eh.
          [throws it into waste basket.]
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% Manjula, puzzled, doesn't understand why Homer doesn't work standard
% 18 hour days, seven days a week.  Marge tries to explain about
% weekends, but Manjula is new to such days.

You told me it was an American tradition to work all the time and never
see your wife!
-- Manjula talking to Apu, "I'm With Cupid"

% The couple takes their argument to the kitchen, where Apu closes the
% "door" [a few bead strings hanging from the door frame].

Marge:    [Apu and Manjula argue in Indian] I think we should leave.
Homer:    Uh uh, no way.  I don't wanna miss a word ...
Marge:    But you don't know what they're saying!
Homer:    I'm picking it up ... "sala" seems to mean "jerk," and I
          think "Manjula" means some kind of spaceship ...
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% Apu emerges from the kitchen.

This could take a while, folks.  Thank you, come again!
-- Apu's way of making Homer and Marge leave his and Manjula's
   apartment during an argument, "I'm With Cupid"

% Marge and Homer take the hint and leave.  Marge frets about the
% future of Apu's marriage, but Homer is confident the two will work
% things out.  A book crashes through Apu's window and lands at the
% Simpsons' feet.  It is the "Kama Sutra."  Homer picks it up, and looks
% interested in it.
%
% On their way home, Homer is driving recklessly, distracted by reading
% the copy of the "Kama Sutra."

Marge:    Either put that book down, or let me drive.
          [Homer stops the car, and the two swap places.  Marge drives
          off]
Homer:    [offscreen] Hey, they stole our idea!  See, look!
Marge:    Ooh!
     [we hear a horn honk and tires screech]
-- Is it anything like the Venus butterfly?  "I'm With Cupid"

[End of Act One.  Time:  6:26]

% The next day, Homer is checking out the Kwik-E-Mart's selection of
% Valentines cards.

Homer:    [reading a Valentines card] I cherish you, my precious.
          Mmmmm ... nah.  [gets another]  To a heck of a blacksmith.
          Nah, I already got him one.  [gets another, this time it has
          monkeys on it.  Homers reads loudly, thinking he's hit the
          jackpot] You're a-peeling, let's never split!  [laughs]  It's
          funny, 'cause they're monkeys!  [laughs more.  Stops, and
          gets the other cards] So long, rejects!  [stuffs them
          sloppily back in the display]  Stupid cards!
-- Yes, Homer, "I'm With Cupid"

% Homer goes to Apu and talks with him about the Manjula situation.
% Apu says things are worse than ever.  Apu fears she'll leave him.

Oh, she's not going to leave you before Valentines Day!  That'd be like
going to an air show and leaving before the plane crash!
-- Homer talking to Apu about Manjula, "I'm With Cupid"

% Apu decides Homer's right, and he has seven more days to prove his
% love for sweet Manjula.  (Or, as Homer hears it, "sweet mint julep.")
%
% The next day, Homer is sat at the breakfast table, encouraging
% Santa's Little Helper to fetch him the newspaper.  He needs quite a
% bit of encouragement, since SLH is fetching the Sunday paper against
% veterinary advice.  Homer takes a look inside the newspaper, finds
% news of a tax hike, and scolds SLH.  Then, he filters out all the pull-
% outs.  Marge wants to read one of them, but Homer selfishly declines.
% He gives her a different pull-out.

Marge:    Hmmm, this is about investment opportunities in Yemen.
Homer:    Give me that!  [snatches it]
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% Well, at least Bart finds something to read.

Bart:     All right, "personals!"  [looks one up]  Successful mayor-
          type seeks open-minded discreet cheerleader-type.
Marge:    Oh, that's sweet.
Bart:     Oh, here's one.  Desperately seeking suc-
Marge:    [snatches paper] Heeeey, look at this one ...  [gasp] it's a
          poem!  [loud gasp]  From Apu!
Homer:    Don't just gasp.  Read it!
Marge:    [reading] My darling bride Manjula / I hereby mend my ways /
          I'll shower you with Valentines / for seven love-filled days.
Lisa:     Oh, how romantic!
Homer:    [low voice] I used to take out ads like that when we were
          newly  weds.
Marge:    The only ad you took out was to sell our lawnmower!
Homer:    We sold it, didn't we?
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% Later on, Manjula and Marge are playing badminton together.

Manjula:  Until last night, I never knew Apu could be so romantic!
Marge:    I can't believe it; he covered your whole bed in wild
          flowers!
Manjula:  Oh, I'm sure Homer has done that for you ...
Marge:    Hmmm, sometimes I find pickle slices in the sheets.
-- How romantic!  "I'm With Cupid"

% The two continue chatting until a parrot swoops into and past Marge,
% and flies to Manjula, perched on her shoulder.  The parrot sings a
% romantic song to her.

          He loves the night life,
          He loves Manjula, Awk!
          The man they call Apuuu, oh yeah!  Awk!
-- Parrot's romantic song, "I'm With Cupid"

% Marge wishes someone would do that for her.

Marge:    Then the bird sang "I Love the Night Life" with clever new
          lyrics.
Homer:    Yeah, I hate that song.
Marge:    I do too, but it was sweet.  [hinting]  Women really like
          that sort of thing, Homey.
Homer:    Don't worry, honey.  I've got something really special
          planned for Valentine's Day.
Marge:    It's not that monkey card I found in the car, is it?
Homer:    Wouldn't you like to know.
          [rolls over and looks worried]  Ooh.
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% The next day, a truck drops off a huge candy box in front of
% Manjula's apartment building.  She opens it, and is delighted by what
% she finds inside -- a life size chocolate statue of Apu.

Manjula:  A chocolate husband!  Oh, how darling.
Apu:      [from inside "statue"]  Help!  I can't breathe!
          [chocolate cracks and falls from around his head; Apu gasps
          for air]
Manjula:  Oh, Apu!  Oh, you are the sweetest filling of all.
Apu:      Air ... [pants heavily] Need air.
Manjula:  Oh, Apu.
Apu:      Don't talk, my ears are filled with nougat.
Manjula:  Oh, dear, oh ...
Apu:      [blinks one eye] There's a nut in my eye!
-- Isn't it romantic?  "I'm With Cupid"

% Chief Wiggum isn't having an easier time of it with his wife.

Wiggum:   ... so then the second salesman says, "That's okay, I just
          ate all the hot buttered corn."  [laughs]  You like that one,
          baby?
Sarah:    [unenthusiastic] Mmmm.
Wiggum:   Sarah, what's wrong?  Usually after two or three Truly
          Tasteless Jokes you're all over me.
Sarah:    Manjula got to see "La Bohéme."  [rolls over]
Wiggum:   Sarah, please!  [quiet voice]  Sarah, it's ten dollars a
          pill.
-- There's a waste of a good sawbuck, "I'm With Cupid"

% On Valentine's eve, Apu's schemes to woo Manjula even make the news.
% Kent Brockman reports that everyone's marriages are on the rocks --
% even the Flanders'.  Homer, watching on the couch, is confident he and
% Marge are on steady ground.  Marge, however, has been going over gift
% receipts for the past seven years and found that Homer has spent more
% on temporary tattoos than on gifts for her.  (Not that she's keeping
% count or anything.)
%
% This is the last straw.  A meeting is convened at Moe's tavern.

Homer:         This Valentine's crap has gone too far!
Crowd:         Yeah, etc.
Skinner:       Eh, Edna won't even let me clap her erasers.
Sideshow Mel:  My Barbara will no longer pleasure me with the French
               arts!
Moe:           The gal I'm stalking had me bumped back to two hundred
               feet.
Crowd:         Aw, Moe.  That's too far.  Etc.
Homer:         And ask yourselves, people.  Who's to blame for all
               this?
Hibbert:       Well, I guess we are.
Ned:           Well, I do take Maude for granted.
Lenny:         Oh, I've done some of that myself.
Homer:         Will you stop it?  It's easy to blame ourselves, but
               it's even easier to blame Apu.  He's making us look bad!
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% As the bar crowd voices its assent, a horse whinnies outside.  The
% crowd walks out to see Apu and Manjula riding down the street in a
% horse-drawn carriage, followed by a horse-drawn string quartet,
% followed by a horse-drawn bed (!).  Even the town Shriners are in on
% the act, trailing the parade in their little cars, with signs reading,
% "Apu Loves Manjula."  The crowd retires to the bar to plot their
% strategy.

Drinking will help us plan!
-- Moe, "I'm With Cupid"

% [End of Act Two.  Time:  12:44]
%
% Valentine's Day -- 9:22 a.m.  Homer, Chief Wiggum, Dr. Hibbert, Moe,
% and Ned sit in Homer's car, staking out Apu's movements.

Homer:    C'mon, Apu.  Make your move.
Hibbert:  Maybe he's run out of romantic ideas.
Wiggum:   Nah, no, not our loverboy.  If I know his M. O., he's saved
          the biggest one for today.
Ned:      Aw, gee, the man's just trying to show his wife he cares for
          her.  How can we sabotage his labor of love?
Homer:    I dunno.  Gasoline, acid, I got some stuff in the trunk.
-- Always prepared, "I'm With Cupid"

% Apu emerges from the apartment building.  After a brief moment of
% confusion over who's driving, the men follow him.  Apu leads them to
% Tiffany's.

Wiggum:   Tiffany's, eh?  Uh, looks like Smoochy's going to seal the
          deal with a diamond the size of a doll's head.
Moe:      Aw, man, he's making us look like a bunch of cheapskates.
          [looks down, and notices a rope that he has pressed into
          service as a belt is untied]  Whoa, whoa, my rope came loose.
          [reties rope]
          [Apu leaves Tiffany's, carrying a small bag]
Wiggum:   There he is, behind that shopping bag.
          [Apu takes a croissant out of the bag, and eats it]
          A croissant?  What the -- aw, that's right, they have
          breakfast at Tiffany's now.
Homer:    Only till eleven.
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% The men trail Apu to the docks.  They spot a small sailboat, and
% immediately assume that Apu has bought it for Manjula.  This turns out
% to be a false alarm -- Apu is just delivering some girlie magazines to
% Cap'n McAllister's crew.  "They'll keep my men from resorting to
% homosexuality," says the captain, "for about ten minutes."
%
% The day wears on, but the men have no luck in finding out what Apu's
% romantic plan is.  Ned figures the time they spent trying to undo Apu
% could have been better spent on romantic plans of their own.  His
% insight gets him bodily thrown out of Homer's car.
%
% The trail leads to the Springfield airport.

Oh, baby, we've got him now!  There's no escape from the airport.
-- Homer Simpson, "I'm With Cupid"

% Maybe there was an escape route, after all, because there's no sign
% of Apu in the airport.  The men do make an interesting discovery,
% though -- Elton John's private jet, wearing one of Elton's signature
% novelty sunglasses.

Homer:    Hey, look -- it's Elton John!
Elton:    [getting off jet, and talking on cell phone] We had to make
          an emergency landing.  It's that damn chandelier again.
          [technicians on the plane try to repair the chandelier, which
          is throwing sparks]
Wiggum:   What's he doing in Springfield?
Moe:      I got it, I got it.  Apu must've hired him to sing for
          Manjula.
Homer:    Not if I can help it.  And help it, I might!
          [the men approach Mr. John]
          Mr. John, I'm your biggest fan.  I tape-recorded all your
          songs off the radio.
Elton:    Oh, that's very sweet.  Have a Grammy.  [produces one from
          his jacket]
Homer:    Uh ... [surreptitiously throws it in a garbage can]
          [He spots Apu, and begins to walk Elton off in the opposite
          direction]
          Sir Elton, my noble friends and I would like to dub you a
          knight of the grand ... concourse.
Moe:      Yeah, it's for all your ... charity work and, um, for, uh,
          you know, teaching us some ... to love again.
Elton:    Really?  I did that?
Homer:    How the hell should I know?  Just get in the cage.  [points
          to a dog carrier, the kind you'd use to transport pets on a
          plane]
Elton:    [gets in; the door is slammed behind him]  Oh, hazing the new
          guy, eh?  You know, when I was dubbed Sir Elton, the queen
          paddled me silly.
Moe:      [interrupting]  Hey, Apu's talking to a skywriter!
          [camera cuts to show Apu doing just that]
          So, that was his plan all along.
Hibbert:  If he writes a message of love over Springfield, we're all
          screwed.
          [the guys walk off, leaving Elton trapped in the carrier]
Elton:    Hello?  Lads?  Don't forget your old pal Elton.  Can anyone
          hear me?  [weakly]  Skycap?
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% Apu hands a card with his message, "I [heart] U MANJULA," to
% Fantastic Dan, the skywriter.

Apu:      Okay, here is the message.  And please don't skimp on the
          [looks at a canister on the tail end of the plane]
          Sarin?
Dan:      [laughs] Don't be frightened.  That tank's just Peace Corps
          surplus.
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% Homer runs up, and tells Apu his "insane Valentine's rampage" is
% over.  Fantastic Dan, not paying attention to this, taxis onto the
% runway.  Homer runs after him, and jumps onto the plane as it takes
% off.

Homer:    Hey!  You with the scarf!  Stop skywriting!
Dan:      I have to deliver a message.  It's the skywriters' code!
Homer:    I am so sick of that damn code!
-- They have a code?  "I'm With Cupid"

% "If you won't stop," Homer says, "I'll stop you."  He removes one of
% his shoes, and begins banging it on the smoke canister.  Meanwhile,
% the women of Springfield look up to see the message in progress:  "I
% [heart] U".
%
% Homer finally knocks the canister free of the plane.  It sails a few
% yards before exploding.  The explosion makes an undefined blob in the
% sky.  Below, Springfield's ladies try to make sense of it.

Maude:    "I love you ..." it's an angel!  Ooh, that's Neddy's pet name
          for me.
Sarah:    [looking up from giving Ralph a haircut]  "I love you Poppin'
          Fresh."  Oh, Clancy.  [giggles]
Edna:     "I love you, Edna K!"  It's a little run together, but that's
          what it says.
Marge:    [looking up from hanging laundry in the back yard]  "I love
          you ..." Cactus?  Blobby?  Upsilon?  Oh, who am I kidding?
          Homer would never surprise me like that.
-- Valentine's Day meets "Rashomon," "I'm With Cupid"

% Fantastic Dan is none too pleased that Homer has ruined his message.
% The plane flies crazily over Springfield as the two duke it out, much
% to Apu's dismay.

Apu:      Oh, my humble love note is turning into a Valentine's Day
          massacre.
Elton:    You think you've got troubles?  I just chewed my way out of a
          dog carrier.
Apu:      Ooh!  Elton John!
Elton:    That's my name!  [pause]  Well, not really.
Apu:      I hate to sound like a screaming fan but ...
          [screams and ducks.  The plane roars over the two, missing
          them by inches]
Elton:    That maniac nearly killed us!
Apu:      Shall I ... take you to the pilot?  Hah!  You see, because
          that is your song.
Elton:    [resigned] I heard you.
Apu:      Yes, because ... someone saved your life tonight.  [laughs]
Elton:    Cut it out!
Apu:      Well, well, the bitch is back.  [laughs again]
Elton:    Ugh!
-- Valentine's Day's Alright for Fighting, "I'm With Cupid"

% The fierce battle continues in the skies over Springfield.  Homer,
% now hanging from the plane as it flies upside-down, is dragged through
% a rose farm.  The thorny flowers stick to his body from his feet to
% his neck.  Finally, grabs hold of the clothesline in his back yard.
% As Homer spins around on it, the roses peel of his body and land in a
% neat stack at Marge's feet.  Homer lets go of the clothesline and
% lands near the roses.

Marge:    What in the world?
Homer:    [disoriented] Roses ... so many roses ...
Marge:    Just when I think I have you figured out, you fall from the
          sky with roses.
Homer:    [weakly] Roses ...
Marge:    Oh, Homey, oh, they're beautiful.  [kisses him]  I'm going to
          snuggle your brains out.
Homer:    I think I have a collapsed lung but, okay.
-- Some guys have all the luck, "I'm With Cupid"

% Despite getting off on the wrong foot at the airport, Apu convinces
% Elton John to serenade him and Manjula.  Apu closes shop for the
% night, and he, Manjula, and Elton John meet on the rooftop garden of
% the Kwik-E-Mart.

Elton:    [playing piano and singing, to the tune of "Your Song"]
          If I was a [skeleton? -- sorry, I'm not particularly Elton-
          literate]
          But then again, oh,
          A man who makes potions in a travelling show.
          I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do,
          My gift is my song, yeah, and this one's from Apu.
Manjula:  Oh, oh, I can't believe it.  You closed the Kwik-E-Mart just
          for me.
Apu:      Well, you and the health inspector.  [chuckles]  Champagne
          Squishee?  [offers one]
Manjula:  Oh, thank you.  [they both sip, through straws]
Apu:      It should get you pretty darn hammered.
-- "I'm With Cupid"

% Iris out (with a heart-shaped "iris") on Apu and Manjula.  The end.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time:  20:28]
%
% Credits appear in red, instead of yellow, lettering.


==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ag}  Andrew Gill
{ah}  Andy Howard
{bc}  Ben Collins
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{bs}  Benjy Shyovitz
{cj}  Carl Johnson
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dj}  Darrel Jones
{ec}  Ellen Cohen
{gw}  Gary Wilson
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{hw}  Hari Wierny
{je}  Jordan Eisenberg
{jg}  Jeremy Gallen
{jk}  Joe Klemm
{jm}  Jeremy Moran
{lg}  Larry Grenier
{mar} Mark Richey
{nd}  Nathan Mulac Dehoff
{ol}  Ondre Lombard
{tpe} Todd P. Emerson
{tr}  Tom Rinschler
{yd}  Yuri Dieujuste

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 1999 Benjamin Robinson.  It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@snpp.com).  All quoted material and episode summaries
remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox.  All
other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors.  The
transcript itself is Copyright 1999 Hari Wierny and Benjamin Robinson.  This
capsule has been brought to you by the Springfield Romance Writers'
Association.

This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie,
Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are
today.