One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish

One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish                 Written by Nell Scovell
                                                   Directed by Wesley M. Archer

Title sequence

Title sequence heavily compressed.
Cut from band practice directly to driveway.

Blackboard :- I will not cut corners.
              "  "    "   "     "
              "  "    "   "     "
              "  "    "   "             at cutoff.

Driveway   :- Homer says nothing when Lisa scoots past.

Couch      :- The couch tips over backwards.  Maggie pops up from behind it.

Didja notice ...

   ... the guest voices?
            Larry King     ... as himself.
            George Takei   ... as Akira, your waiter.
            Joey Miyashima ... as the Master Chef.
            Sab Shimono    ... as the apprentice chef.
            Diane Tanaka   ... as the hostess.
   ... the Sushi bar is on Elm Street, ``The key to Springfield''?
   ... the neon sign above ``The Happy Sumo'' is two sumo wrestlers
       bashing their bellies together?
   ... there really <is> a map to the hospital on the back of the menu?
   ... the karaoke singer identifies himself as Richie Sakai?
       This is the name of a real person on the Simpsons staff, and he
       <does> look like that.
   ... Homer was drinking a Duff at the Japanese restaurant?
   ... the master chef is whistling a Japanese folk tune?
   ... the eye chart in the hospital is not a standard Snellen chart?
       [some of us have to memorize the top two lines in order to be
        able to read ANYTHING at an eye exam]
   ... the Flanders welcome mat reads `Welcome to Flanders Country'
       and the sign in the closet reads `Bless this mess'?
   ... the Simpsons home has a mouse problem?  (See the mouse hole in
       Homer's videotaped message to Maggie.) [Jeff McCrimon]
   ... the sign on the rest home reads, ``Thank you for not discussing
       the outside world''?

   ... Homer's important sentence #1 is what got him into all the trouble
       in the first place? [Jason Macario]

Movie (and other) References

  ~ DOA -- the movie is about a man who learns he has been poisoned
        - the kids sing in the restaurant. {re}
        - the doctor says `Sorry to keep you waiting'. {jdb}
          [Dennis Quaid version]
    Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's book, ``On Death and Dying''
        - Dr. Hibbert tells Homer about the five stages.
  ~ All That Jazz
        - The pamphlet `So You're Going to Die'. {bm}
  + The Graduate {tl}
        - The song `Mrs. Robinson' makes brief appearances.
          (Not the version you hear on the radio.)
        - Homer leaves Barney fixing the car and runs home, pounding
          on the window yelling ``Marge!  Marge!''.  Ben (Dustin Hoffman)
          does the same and runs to the church, pounding on the glass
          yelling ``Elaine! Elaine!''  The guitar strumming is the same.

Freeze Frame Fun

Homer's List (Mike Straub) and (Jon Byrd)

          Dumb Things
        I Gotta Do Today

1. Make list                 [this one was crossed out]
2. Eat a hearty breakfast
3. Make videotape for Maggie
4. Have man-to-man with Bart
5. Listen to Lisa play her sax
6. Make funeral arrangement
7. Make peace with Dad
8. Beer with the boys at the bar
9. Tell off boss
10. Go hang gliding
11. Plant a tree
12. A final dinner with my beloved family

[after consulting with Marge]

13. Be intamit [sic] with Marge

[14. Watch the sunrise]

Animation and continuity goofs

ctuel@polyslo.CalPoly.EDU (Cliff Tuel) points out that the clock reads 7:00
when the kids run in for diner, but during dinner, it reads 5:00.

Comments and other observations


My movie guide says that there were three ``Shaft'' movies

  Shaft (1971) - A black private eye finds himself at odds with
                 a powerful racketeer.
  Shaft's Big Score (1972) - Shaft avenges the death of a friend
                 and comes up against the numbers racket.
  Shaft in Africa (1973) - Shaft is kidnapped by an Ethiopian emir who
                 wants him to track down a gang of slavers.

All three starred Richard Roundtree as the title character, and
the first one received an Academy Award nomination for musical score
and won an Academy Award for its title song.  (Must've been a slow year.)

The guide also says that it spawned off a television series
and stimulated even more violent imitators.

Jym Dyer {jd}: "Shaft" was a blaxploitation movie like "Superfly."  It was an
action-packed thang starring an ultra-hip black hero with an Afro.

Al Wesolowsky {abw}:  They were based on novels by Ernest Tidyman, who wrote
several Shaft yarns.  All are set in NYC, where Shaft is a private
detective.   Tidyman was sort of a less-skilled version of Chester Himes.

The words

These lyrics are a transcription from the theme played during the opening
credits of the movie ``Shaft''.  Issac Hayes wrote and performed the
soundtrack.  Check out your local video store and sing along.  Parentheses
indicate background singers.

    Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine with all the chicks?
    Damn right!
    Who is the man who would risk his neck for his brother man?
    Can you dig it?
    Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about?
    Right on.
    They say this cat is a bad mother...
        (SHUT YOUR MOUTH!)
    I'm talking about Shaft.
        (Then we can dig it.)
    He's a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman.
        (John Shaft!)

They don't write 'em like this anymore.

Homer's videotape for Maggie

Mike Killianey {mk}:  If you look in the upper-left hand corner of the
screen, you'll notice a red dot flashing on and off beneath `REC'.  I'm not
sure if there's any standard, but on my family's camcorder, this is a
warning to the user that the camera is paused, and nothing is being
recorded.  So maybe Homer didn't get ANY of this on tape after all!

The (formal) dinner scene (Andrew Isztwan):

Yes, you saw Bart's hair parted down the middle.  It even looked a bit wavy. (John. P. Connolly):

I think Bart looked very slick in the supper scene, in his spiffy suit.
But, he was still wearing his shorts.  Has anyone seen a scene where
Bart wasn't wearing shorts (except when he is in his pajamas)?

The final scene

Freeze-frame addicts note that the bag says `Pork Rinos Light', though
the significance of this is unclear.  And Jym Dyer points out that the
shopping list in <Simpsons Illustrated> spells it `Pork Rinds Lite'.

Anneliese Lilje suggests that perhaps the message is that living life to its
fullest for HOMER is sitting in front of the T.V. eating pork rinds...and that
may be sad to us but he looked pretty contented.

Richard Goehring reminds us that it's like the song says:

     A big bag of pork rinds, gonna carry me to my grave...
                                -- Homer singing "Born under a Bad Sign"

The deadly blowfish (Curtis Hoffmann):

It is fugu, a blow fish, that has the deadly nerve toxin in one of the
internal organs (either the liver of gall bladder, I forget which).  There
are fugu restaurants in Japan, where the thrill of risking death by eating
even a slightly tainted sliver of meat is the whole point of the experience.

You must be a licensed fugu chef to work at such a restaurant, but there
are a number of "black market" fugu stands around, too.

However, fugu usually kills you within 15 minutes, not 24 hours.  It starts
with a tingling in the fingers, and works its way up your arms and legs, until
you are completely paralyzed, and you die when it reaches your heart.

I'd guess that the fugu chef, and the doctor, were having a little fun at
Homer's expense.

Spage Yee {sy}:  This fish is poisonous because its innards contain
tetratodoxin (TTX) which is a neurotoxin, which blocks either the sodium
or potassium (one or the other it's been a while since I studied
neurobiology) channels in your nervous system.

Michael T. Itamura refers the interested reader to the August 1984 issue of
National Geographic.  Stories and photographs of the leopard puffer.
(Even a story about a famed Kabuki actor who ate the liver of the puffer
and paid for it with his life).  Quite interesting.


Mark A. Holtz {mah} notes that Akira is one of the most popular
Anime/Japanese Animation films around.

Larry King

Paul Jeong {pj} attended a UCLA appearance of MG and Nancy Cartwright,
who mentioned that Larry King's role was first offered to Bruce
Springsteen, who turned it down.  William Shatner also refused a guest
appearance (in an unspecified episode).

Quotes and scene summary

 While Marge appears to be tossing a salad (though we see no greens),
 Homer watches the microwave.
   Homer: Is it done yet?  Is it done yet?
   Marge: Your meatloaf will be ready in eight seconds, Homer.
   Homer: D'oh!  Isn't there anything faster than a microwave?
   -- Homer watches dinner cook, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
   Four... three... two... one... Bing!  We have meatloaf!
   -- Homer watches dinner cook in the microwave,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 ``Get it while it's unbelievable hot, kids!''  The kids come in and
 seat themselves for dinner.
   I've got a dried-out end piece with your name on it, Lisa!
   -- Homer serves dinner, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
   Hm.  Thursday.  Meatloaf night.  As it was, is now, and ever shall be.
   -- Lisa muses on drab dinner fare, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
   Homer: What are you getting at?
   Lisa:  Well, you're always trying to teach me to be open-minded, try new
          things, live life to the...
   Homer: What are you talking about?  Nobody's trying to teach you that!
   -- Lisa muses on drab dinner fare, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 [Notice that the concept of living life to its fullest reappears.]

 Bart hands Homer the ketchup bottle.  Marge thinks Lisa might be right.
   Marge: Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner.
   Homer: Tomorrow night?  Friday?  Pork chop night?  Marge!  We haven't missed
          pork chop night since the great pig scare in '87!
   -- Marge suggests a change of pace, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
   Hm.  Friday night.  Pork chops.  From cradle to grave, etched
   in stone and God's library somewhere in heaven...
   -- Lisa muses on drab dinner fare, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
   Homer: Okay, okay, where do <you> want to go?
   Lisa:  Anywhere but hamburgers, pizza, or fried chicken!
   Homer: Fine!  We'll go to Mars!
   -- Lisa muses on drab dinner fare, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
   Marge: Mm, there's that new sushi restaurant on Elm Street...
   Bart:  Sushi?  Hey, maybe this is just one of those things you hear on
          the playground, but isn't that raw fish?
   Lisa:  As usual, the playground has the facts right, but missed the point
   -- Marge suggests the family go to a Japanese restaurant,
      `One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 ``Sushi is considered quite a delicacy,'' adds Lisa.
   Marge: Please, Homer, can't we try it? [going to a sushi bar]
   Homer: No.
   Lisa:  Please, Dad, this argument humiliates us both.
   Homer: If I said `no' the first time, what makes you think I'm going to
          say `yes' the second time?
   Lisa:  Nothing, but you may say `yes' the ninety-ninth time.
   Homer: Oh?  Try me.
   Lisa:  Please, Dad.
   Homer: No.
   Lisa:  Please, Dad.
   Homer: No.
   Lisa:  Please, Dad.
   Homer: No.
   Lisa:  Please, Dad.
   Homer: No.
   Lisa:  Please, Dad.
   Homer: No.
   Lisa:  Please, Dad.
   Homer: Oh, okay, okay.
   -- If at first you don't succeed, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 The family go to the Happy Sumo restaurant and are startled when the
 chefs yell at them in Japanese.  The hostess explains they were merely
 saying Hello.  So Homer yells ``HELLO!'' back at them.
   This is our karaoke bar.  Now it is empty, but soon it will be hopping
   with drunken Japanese businessmen.
   -- Restaurant hostess, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 The family are seated and their waiter Akira takes their order.  Marge
 asks, ``What would you recommend for a family that's not sure they
 should be here?''  He suggests the `very nonthreatening' sushi samurai,
 and Marge and Lisa order it.
   Bart:  Akira, my good man, I'd like two sharks, an octopus and an eel.
   Akira: Very good.
   Bart:  Do you have any giant squid?  The kind that drags men to their deaths?
   Akira: Not today.
   -- At the Japanese restaurant, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer has trouble choosing.  ``All looks so terrible.''  He places his
 order.  The Master Chef demonstrates his technique and scolds his
 apprentice.  ``Hang your head in shame.''  The dishes are brought, and
 Homer loves it.

 In the karaoke bar, a gentleman introduces himself.  ``Hi, my name is
 Richie Sakai.  I'm an anaesthesiologist, and I'd like to dedicate this
 next song to my wife, Patti.''  He proceeds to sing.

 Homer eagerly places his next order.  Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa sing `Shaft'
 in the karaoke bar.  Homer looks for something he hasn't tried yet and
 orders fugu.  Akira tries to talk Homer out of it, to no avail.
   Come on, pal!  Fugu me!
   -- Homer snaps at Akira the waiter, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 The kids continue their singing.  The Master Chef hears a car horn.  ``Ah,
 she's here.  Cover for me.''  After the Master Chef leaves, Akira places
 the fugu order, and the apprentice decides that the preparation of fugu
 should be left to the Master, since one wrong slice and the result is
 fatally poisonous.  The apprentice pays a visit to the parking lot.
   Apprentice:  But master, we need your skilled hands.
   Master chef: My skilled hands are busy!
   -- The master chef making the pretzel with Mrs. Krabappel,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 The apprentice chef studies the chart and carefully prepares the fugu.
   -- Homer eats some fugu, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 The Master Chef returns and finds the blowfish on the cutting table.
 Akira, the apprentice chef, and the Master Chef frantically yell in
 Japanese to Homer.  (``Beautiful language, isn't it Marge?'')
 The apprentice chef tells Homer he may have been poisoned.
   No need to panic.  There is a map to the hospital on the back of the menu.
   -- Apprentice chef at the Japanese restaurant,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 At the hospital, Homer sits on an examining table in his underwear,
 and Dr. Hibbert and Marge come in.  Homer takes a look at Marge's
 sad demeanor and concludes, ``Ooh!  It's good news, isn't it!''  But
 it isn't.
   Dr. H: You have twenty-four hours to live.
   Homer: Twenty-four hours!
   Dr. H: Well, twenty-two.  I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long.
   -- Homer learns he's going to die, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer embraces Marge.
   Well, if there's one consolation, it's that you will feel no pain at all
   until some time tomorrow evening, when your heart suddenly explodes.
   -- Dr. Hibbert explains the consequences of eating tainted fugu,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
   Dr. H: Now, a little death anxiety is normal.  You can expect to go through
          five stages.  The first is denial.
   Homer: No way!  Because I'm not dying! [hugs Marge]
   Dr. H: The second is anger.
   Homer: Why you little! [steps towards Dr. H]
   Dr. H: After that comes fear.
   Homer: What's after fear?  What's after fear? [cringes]
   Dr. H: Bargaining.
   Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this!  I'll make it worth your while!
   Dr. H: Finally, acceptance.
   Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
   Dr. H: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.
   -- Homer learns he's going to die, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 He leaves Homer a pamphlet, ``So You're Going to Die.''

 [End of Act One.  Time: 7:18]

 That evening in bed, Homer decides not to tell the kids and shows Marge
 the list of things he wants to do on his final day.  He asks Marge,
 ``What's that word you use for when you and I, you know...''  Marge asks,
 ``When we're intimate?''  Homer adds ``Be intamit [sic] with Marge'' to
 his list.  Marge suggests they also get up early and watch the sunrise.
 Homer kisses Marge good-night.

 At 6:00am, the alarm clock goes off, and Homer shuts it off.
 Homer finally wakes up at 11:30am.  He rushes downstairs.
   Homer: Marge!  Why did you let me sleep so late?
   Marge: You looked so peaceful lying there.
   Homer: There'll be plenty of time for that!
   -- Homer oversleeps to begin his final day on this earth,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 He consults his list.  ``Have man-to-man with Bart.''  Homer comes into
 Bart's room.  ``Come here, boy.''  ``Oh, man,'' complains Bart, as he
 drops his pants for a spanking.  But that's not what Homer came in for.
 He tells Bart that (after Homer) he's the man of the house, and Bart
 whines, ``Lisa never lifts a finger, why don't you go yell at her!''
 Homer tells Bart, ``This is <good> stuff!''
   I want to share something with you:
   The three little sentences that will get you through life.
      Number 1:  [whispers] Cover for me.
      Number 2:  Oh, good idea, Boss!
      Number 3:  It was like that when I got here.
   -- Homer tells Bart the secret, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 ``Hey, this <is> good stuff.''  Homer drags Bart into the bathroom
 to teach him to shave.  Bart's face is lathered as he watches Homer
 finish with ``the little spot under your nose.''
   Next, we take some toilet paper, tear off some teensy little squares,
   and stick one there... and there... and any place you're bleeding...
   there... and there... Don't worry, the blood will hold it right on
   your face.
   -- Homer teaches Bart how to shave, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Next comes the after-shave.  Homer slaps it on and screams in pain.
 ``Ooh, ahh, eeh, yaaargh!  Rrrrrr.  Ooh, yargh!  You son-of-a-ohhh!  Eee!''
 ``And that's how we shave.''  Bart accidentally knocks over the
 after shave.  ``Why you little!''  Bart quickly says, ``It was like
 that when I got here!''  Homer embraces him.  ``Oh, that's my boy!''

 Next on the list is listening to Lisa play her sax.  Homer comes into
 Lisa's room, and she offers to stop playing.  Homer asks her to continue.
 Though confused, she does so.  Homer cries at her melancholy music, but
 her tune changes to something more upbeat, and Homer sings and dances.
   Oh I want to be in that rumba
   When the saints go over there!
   -- Homer sings to Lisa's sax playing,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Next is, ``Make videotape for Maggie.''  Homer pays a visit to Ned Flanders.
   Ned:   Simpson, what a pleasant surprise.  We were just pulling taffy.
   Homer: Gee, the fun never stops at the Flanders house, does it.
   Ned:   Heh heh, no sirree-bob!
   -- Homer borrows Ned's camcorder, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer borrows Ned's camcorder, and Ned invites Homer's family over for
 a barbecue tomrrow.  Homer declines, then reconsiders...
   Homer: I'll even bring the thickest juciest T-bones you've ever seen.
   Ned:   Mm mm.  Sounds terrif!
   Homer: Heh, the joke's on him!  I'll be dead by then!
   -- Ned invites Homer over for a cookout,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 At home, Homer sets up the camera and begins recording.
   Ahem.  This is a videotape for my daughter Maggie.  Hi, Maggie!  I'm
   speaking to you from beyond the grave.  Woooooooo!  Hee hee hee, hope
   that didn't scare you.  Well, Maggie, you're grown-up now, and unless
   you taped over this, you're probably wondering what kind of man
   your father was.  He was a simple man, a kind man, a gentle man who
   loved his children and... [phone rings]  D'oh!  [answers] Hello!
   Yeah, he's here, who is this? [scratches his butt] ... Bart's friend
   Milhouse?  Bart!  Get your butt down here!
   -- Homer tries to make a tape for Maggie,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 The next item is ``Make peace with Dad''.  Homer pays a visit to Grampa
 at the Retirement Home.
   Homer:  Dad, we've never been too close, have we.
   Grampa: Not to my knowledge.
   Homer:  Never once went fishing or played catch or even hugged each other.
   Grampa: We never danced the hootchie-koo, either.  Whatcher point?
   -- Homer reconciles with his father,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer tells Grampa he loves him, and the two embrace.  Homer says he
 has to go, but Grampa insists they've got a lot of catching up to do.
 Grampa prevails on Homer to go fishing; later, they play catch and
 wrestle.  (While doing these things, Homer crosses things off his list
 he no longer has time to do.)  Homer finally pulls himself away as
 Grampa presses his face against the car window.  ``I love you, son!''
 Mumbles Homer, ``Gee, the old guy's a little love-starved.''
 Hoping to make up for lost time, Homer puts the pedal to the metal,
 but gets pulled over.  He tells the two cops to give him a ticket,
 but they don't take kindly to being ordered around and throw him
 into the slammer.

 [End of Act Two.  Time: 14:10]
   Homer: [spots his harmonica-playing cell-mate]
          That's sort of nice.  What are you in for?
   Man:   Atmosphere.
   -- Homer lands in jail, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer can't bear to use his one phone call to call Marge, so he calls
 Barney.  But he gets an answering machine.  Homer leaves an angry
 message, and we see that Barney is home, clipping his toenails.  Barney
 quickly picks up.
   Homer:  [on the phone] You gotta help me, Barney, I'm in jail.
   Barney: You are?  Hey, Homer, go to the window.
           [waves across the street to Homer]
           Hiya neighbor!  I can see you!
   -- Homer lands in jail, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer tells Barney to bring $50 for bail.  (``Whadja do, kill a judge?'')
 Barney hunts around his room to scrounge up $50.  He also finds a slice
 of pizza.  Meanwhile, at home, Marge stares out the front window.
   Bart:  Why are we all dressed up?
   Marge: [staring out the window waiting for Homer]
          Because sometimes it's fun to dress up for dinner.
   Lisa:  Why are we using the good china?
   Marge: Because sometimes it's fun to use the good china.
   Bart:  What's with the candles?
   Marge: Sometimes it's fun to use candles.
   Lisa:  Why are we waiting for Dad?
   Marge: Because we love your father and enjoy his company.
   Bart:  Why are we <really> waiting for Dad?
   -- Homer is late for the last dinner of his life,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Chief Wiggum counts up the bail money.  (``We don't usually take rusty
 money.'')  Barney drives Homer home and is crushed that Homer isn't
 going to have one last drink with his buddies.  Homer tries to explain
 that there simply wasn't time.  He then spots Burns.
   Burns:    [peering through binoculars]
             Smithers!  Check out the luscious pair on that redhead.
             [staring at her red pumps]
             That's it baby, work those ankles!
   Smithers: Ring-a-ding-ding, sir.
   -- ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
   Homer:    Hey Burns!  Eat! my! shorts!
   Burns:    Who the Sam Hill was that?
   Smithers: Why it's Homer Simpson, sir.  One of the schmos from sector 7-G.
   Burns:    Simpson, eh?
   -- ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 (`Sam Hill' is an old euphemism for `hell'.)  Burns demands to have
 Simpson report to his office at 9 o'clock Monday morning.  Barney
 cajoles Homer into stopping by Moe's.  Homer goes to a pay phone
 to call Marge.  Meanwhile, the bar phone rings.
   Moe:  Hello, Moe's Tavern.  Birthplace of the Rob Roy.
   Bart: Is Seymour there?  Last name Butz.
   Moe:  Just a sec.  Hey, is there a Butz here?  A Seymour Butz?
         Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz! [realizes] Wait a minute...
         Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket!  When I get my
         hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!
   -- Yet another phone prank, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer found that the line was busy.
   Moe, another last beer, please.
   -- Homer, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer tries to talk, but can't find the words.  He kisses the bar denizens.
   Moe:    Please, not in public.
   Man:    You <better> be dying!
   Barney: Whoa!  How European! [belch]
   -- responses from the bar folk to Homer's good-bye kisses,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer tells Barney to drive him home.  Barney changes a flat tire, and
 Homer can't wait any longer, so he gets out of the car and runs home.
 He arrives home and bangs on the front window.  ``Maaaarge!  Maaaarge!''
 Marge lets him in, and he quickly kisses the kids and dashes upstairs.

 Marge is naked in bed as Homer gargles in the bathroom.  She reads him
 a poem she wrote.
   Marge: I wrote a poem for you this afternoon, Homer.  It's called,
          `To a Husband'.
   Homer: Okay, okay.
   Marge: (Ahem.)  The blackened clouds are forming.
   Homer: Oh, give me a break, Marge.
   Marge: Soon the rain will fall.
          My dear one is departing.
          But first, please heed this call.
          That always will I love you,
          My one, my love, my all.
   -- ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer is touched.

 In the middle of the night, Homer wakes up and tucks in the kids.
   Goodbye, Maggie.  Stay as sweet as you are.
   Goodbye, Lisa.  I know you'll make me proud.
   Goodbye, Bart.  ... I like your sheets.
   -- Homer tucks in his children one last time,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 He goes downstairs and finds a Bible-on-cassette.
   Hi, I'm Larry King.
   In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth...
   -- Bible-on-cassette, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer fast-forwards over all the `begets'.
   ... lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.
   Well, that's it.  Old Fred [?] is standing by, we'll get some coffee,
   we'll get some matzo-ball soup.  I love the San Antonio Spurs,
   by the way, if you're betting on the NBA this year, I think they'll
   win it all.  So I guess there's nothing more to say but... [closing music]
   -- Bible-on-cassette, ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer's body goes limp.  A bell tolls.

 Marge wakes up the next morning to find Homer missing from bed.  She
 wanders downstairs and finds Homer's limp body slumped in his chair.  She
 finds drool on his lip, still warm.  She wakes up Homer.  ``You're alive!''
 Grumbles Homer, ``What are you talking about?''  Then he realizes... He's
   I'm alive!  From this day forward, I vow to live life to its fullest!
   -- Homer realizes he's not dead after all,
      ``One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish''
 Homer is planted on the couch, munching on pork rinds, and watching
 bowling on TV.  The credits go up silently over Homer's TV-watching.

 [End of Act Three.  Time: 21:54]
 [time includes all of closing credits and the Gracie logo.]
   Episode summaries Copyright 1991 by Raymond Chen.  Not to be redistributed
   in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course,
   remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain
   the property of the original authors.  I'm just taking credit for the

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