Saddlesore Galactica Written by Tim Long Directed by Lance Kramer ============================================================================== Production code: BABF09 Original Airdate on FOX: 06-Feb-2000 Capsule revision A (21-Aug-2000) ============================================================================== > "TV Guide" Synopsis ============================================================================== [from ClickTV] Bart and Homer discover that horse racing is a treacherous business after they rescue a horse from the state fair. Voices of Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner and Nancy Cartwright. Guest voices: Randy Bachman and Fred Turner. (In Stereo, Animated) {cp} ============================================================================== > Title sequence ============================================================================== Blackboard: SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS / ARE NOT SCABS Couch: The Simpsons, wearing karate robes run in and karate-chop the couch into a pile of couch molecules. Sensei Homer then whips out the remote control, strikes a dramatic karate pose, and turns on the TV. ============================================================================== > Did You Notice... ============================================================================== ... how appropriate the name "Duncan" is for a diving horse? ... Bart combs Duncan's mane with a toilet brush? ... for his debut race, Duncan's number is painted directly on him? ... the Comic Book Guy wore a T-shirt bearing the phrase, "Worst Episode Ever?" Don Del Grande: ... Ogdenville and Springfield are in the same state? ... not only did Lisa not say anything about the horse diving (although Chief Wiggum probably arrived before she could do anything), but she seemed to support horse racing, instead of taking an animal rights stand against racing animals for human entertainment? ... Homer tells the horse to run really fast when the race starts, which is not smart for 1 1/2 miles? ... considering the location of the starting gate, Springfield Downs' track is about 1 1/4 miles around? ... the jockeys complain that they never go clockwise, which is how they (usually) race in England? ... somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't Trevor Denman start races by saying "Racing" (as opposed to "They're off" or "And away they go"), because he didn't say it in this episode? (If Michael Buffer can use "Let's Get Ready To Rumble" ... ) ... a bell went off whenever the winner crossed the finish line? ... the Springfield Derby is "the fifth and penultimate duel of horse racing's Triple Crown", which means that whatever "Triple Crown" they're talking about (horse racing has more than one, depending on the type and location) has six races? (Not unheard of; some horse racing types refer to the Travers Stakes as "the fourth jewel in the Triple Crown") Daniel L. Dreibelbis: ... this is the first time Bart says "get bent" in a long time? ... Randy Bachman is playing a Fender Stratocaster, while Fred Turner is playing a Fender Precision bass? ... Homer had actually come up with a cunning (and rather clever!) plan to defeat the jockeys after he double-crossed them? Curtis Gibby: ... Bart has cowboy pajamas? Joe Green: ... Lisa isn't with the rest of the family during the diving-horse show? ... Lisa's attitude towards Al Gore has changed? ... one of the jockeys talks like Bart? ... the members of BTO are named in the closing credits, but not under the band's name? Richard E. Green: ... Maude was in this episode, and she was ALIVE the whole time! [Notable because the p-code for this one comes after "Alone Again, Natura-Diddly (BABF10)" -- Ed.] ... Nelson is actually in band? ... Ruth could be seen running a booth in the background when Homer is doing the Vietnam speech? ... one of the women watching the newspaper rubber band demonstration was Mindy! ... there was an accordion in the Ogdenville band? ("Stars and Stripes Forever" does NOT have an accordion part.) ... the horse guy makes his escape driving in reverse? ... Brad Goodman was at the track? Tony Hill: ... Bart's ice cream scoops are smaller than his eyeballs? ... Furious D sports a gold tooth? ... Bart wears his racing hat backwards? ... Clinton found nothing untoward about a horse in the living room? Darrel Jones: ... the "Sharp" and "Natural" posters behind Mr. Largo? ... Bart wears Krusty pajamas for his jockey "uniform" during the first race? ... Jimbo puts ticket stubs in the brim of his hat? Joe Klemm: ... Principal Skinner and Hans Moleman in the wuss bets line? ... Lisa uses a Super-Soaker to stop the jockeys from killing Homer, Bart, and Furious D? Damian Penny: ... Cooter (from "Bart Carny") puts Duncan back on the diving platform? Benjamin Robinson: ... Lisa nervously wiggles her foot when suggesting the band play a non- Sousa song? ... Lisa sits on her legs at the kitchen table? ... Bart rides bareback? ... Lisa remains largely uninvolved when the family has Duncan? (I guess she didn't want to get her heart broken again ...) Tony Scrima: ... it was the first time we heard Bart say, "Get Bent!" in eight years? Benjamin Shyovitz: ... we don't see Maggie AT ALL in this episode? ============================================================================== > Voice Credits ============================================================================== - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Jockey 5) - Julie Kavner (Marge) - Nancy Cartwright (Ralph, Nelson, Bart, Kearney, Jockey 6) - Yeardley Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Gatekeeper, OmniGog Man, Chief Wiggum, Moe, Jockey 1, Clerk, Jockey 3) - Harry Shearer (Largo, Barker, Lenny, Lou, Comic Book Guy, Jockey, Carl, Aristocratic Man, Jockey 4, Flanders) - Special Guest Voice - Randy Bachman (Himself) - Trevor Denman (Announcer) - C F. Turner (Himself) - Also Starring - Jim Cummings (Frank Sinatra Jr.) - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse, Jimbo) - Tress MacNeille (Lady, Aristocratic Woman) - Karl Wiedergott (Clinton) ============================================================================== > Movie (and other) references ============================================================================== + "Battlestar Galactica" (TV series) - episode title a spoof of this science fiction show + Frank Sinatra (entertainer) - the boy with horn who backs up Lisa's suggestion is like a miniature version of Sinatra [{dld} notes, he's like Sinatra "circa his 1950s- early 1960s image of fedora hat and coat slung over his shoulder" -- Ed.] + Emerson, Lake & Palmer (musical group) {dp} - Homer mentions "ELP" when talking about B.T.O. + La Choy + Chun King (brands of Chinese food) - Homer claims these are battles he fought while in 'Nam + Margaret Cho (comedian) - same deal here, with this Korean-American comedian [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] + "Sex Machine" (song by James Brown) {reg} - Bart calls Lisa a *sax* machine when she's playing another James Brown song - "Wild Hearts Can't be Broken" (movie) - the diving horse is likely based on this woman who rode diving horses [{dp} notes it's a 1991 Disney film, and starred Gabrielle Anwar -- Ed.] + "Gus" (movie) - Homer's short-lived plan to make Duncan a football star was lifted from this 1976 movie with Don Knotts and Ed Asner + "The Horse Whisperer" (book, then a movie) - Homer tries this strategy with Duncan - [{do} challenges, "If you're feeling particularly brave, try asking about it on rec.equestrian." Meanwhile, {jg2} notes, "Fox's promos said this episode was 'in the tradition of 'The Horse Whisperer'' and 'Only the Horse Whisperer knows!'"] - Tex Avery cartoons {cg} - Moe's exaggerated heartbeat - Little Rascals {cg} - Nelson sings "Little Brown Jug" and dances like Alfalfa in "The Lucky Corner." (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0027916) + Ray Moorehead (British sportscaster) {al} - the horse race announcer mimics him in voice, hair, and mannerisms. - Trevor Denman (American track announcer) {dh} - his famous tag line is "And away they go!" + Chock Full of Nuts (brand of coffee) {jk} - horse named Chock Full of Drugs + Dennis Rodman (basketball player) - Furious D's new persona {jk} - Duncan attacks a photographer, an act for which Rodman was suspended several weeks. {tf} + "Bad As I Wanna Be" (memoirs of basketball player Dennis Rodman) - Bart exhorts Duncan to be this way [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] {al} - Like Dennis, Furious D wears a nose-ring when not competing {jr} - Bart tells Duncan he can be, "as bad as you wanna be." Rodman wrote an autobiography called, "As Bad As I Wanna Be" ~ "Tenacious D" (TV show) {pm} - Bart renaming the horse "Furious D" is a parody of this HBO show's title + Kentucky Derby (horse race) {dp} - the inspiration for Springfield Derby, the "fifth and penultimate race in the Triple Crown" + "The Wizard of Oz" (movie) {dp} - the jockeys, in their underground world, are an obvious take-off of the Munchkins + "Darby O'Gill and the Little People" (movie) {dld} - this Disney fantasy about a man who discovers a community of leprechauns in resembles Homer's interaction with the jockeys in act three [{dld} writes, "I don't remember the leprechauns threatening to eat Darby's brain, though."] - "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (movie and book) {jk} - the jockeys mention a chocolate stream as part of their land + Keebler [cookie maker] commercials {jg2} - the tree in the jockeys' secret home is like the one the Keebler elves live in ~ "Star Trek: Voyager" {dld} - one of the jockey-leprechauns bore a striking resemblance to Tim Russ' Vulcan character Tuvok? + "Planet of the Apes" (movie) {jg2} - "Could this be the start of a horrible Planet of the Horses?" ~ "The Honeymooners" (TV show) {jg2} - announcer says, "And away I go!" (cf. "And awaaaaay we go!") + Parents' TV Council (advocacy group) (jg2} - Homer's "Hollywood is leading our kids down a moral sewer!" is similar to their newspaper-ad tagline, "TV IS LEADING OUR KIDS DOWN A MORAL SEWER" ============================================================================== > Previous episode references ============================================================================== - [7G08] Someone desperate searches for winning tickets at a [horse|dog] racing establishment {bjr} - [7F08] Homer hits on Maude {jg2} - [8F02] Marge is quite content with the drapes being on fire {cj} - [8F06] The Simpsons get a horse, much to their financial detriment {cbg} - [8F12], [3F07], [3F23], [5F03] Tom Landry's hat is seen {cg} - [8F22] Skinner recalls being spat on upon returning home from Vietnam instead of the promised parade {hl} - [9F04] Someone threatens to eat Homer's brain {jg2} - [9F10] The school that wins the concert is from one of the four cities to which Lyle Lanley sold monorails {ndc) - [9F19] Springfield Downs has horse races {dj} - [1F04], [3F01] Someone uses an air horn {jg2} - [1F08] Comic Book Guy hints at Marge's gambling problem - [1F15], [4F02], [AABF08], [BABF01] Bill Clinton appears in person {reg} - [2F18] OFF raises an animal that becomes a racing champion {reg} - [2F32] "The Stars and Stripes Forever" is performed (twice, no less -- once by Mrs. Krabappel and once by the remnants of the school band) {al} - [3F02] An inedible object is fried {jg2} - [3F11] Ogdenville {jg2} - [3F12] Marge's weakness for gambling seen/alluded to {bjr} - [3F21] Homer's encyclopedic knowledge of seventies rock comes to the fore {dld} - [3F23] Tom Landry's hat seen {sb} - [3G04] Homer refers to Margaret Cho {sb} - [4F12] Worst Episode Ever {reg} - [5F12] Moe falls in love {jg2} - [5F14] A Simpson is falsely passed off as a Vietnam veteran {jg2} - [AABF03] Comptroller Atkins appears - [AABF06] Homer mentions Margaret Cho {bjr} - [AABF08] President Clinton appears {jg2} - [AABF09] President Clinton appears (but this time he doesn't make another pass at Marge) {dld} - [AABF13] Tex Avery referenced {cg} ============================================================================== > Freeze frame fun ============================================================================== - Banner at the state fair {bjr} STATE FAIR VETERANS ADMITTED FREE - Sign at horse-dunking booth {bjr} DUNCAN THE INCREDIBLE DIVING HORSE - Springfield Downs sign {bjr} SPRINGFIELD DOWNS NOW WITH E-Z TEAR-UP TICKETS! - Marge's sampler {bjr} PLEASE PICK [boxers] UP [briefs] YOUR UNDERPANTS - Betting window {bjr} WUSS BETS - People making wuss bets {bjr} - Rev. Lovejoy {cg}, Flanders, Skinner, Hans Moleman - Springfield Downs, again {bjr} SPRINGFIELD DOWNS SPRINGFIELD DERBY TODAY! ============================================================================== > Animation, continuity, and other goofs ============================================================================== + The band was all messed up. Milhouse usually plays the trumpet, not the clarinet, Ralph usually plays the flute, not the bass drum, where was Martin? Terri/Sherri plays the flute, not the violin! And WHERE THE HELL WAS ALISON? We already know from 3G01 that SHE, not LISA was in the Marching Band, so why not the concert band? {reg} = The guy who hits on Lisa doesn't appear in the establishing shot of the band. {cg} * The fair looked to be the size of a county fair. {th} * "Comptroller" is pronounced "controller" {th} * The Ogdenville "band" had strings, which a true wind band would not. {th} * The larvae form of a butterfly is a caterpillar, not a full grown beetle. However, the underwater larvae of a dragonfly is very vicious with huge mandibles. {hl} c Audio: Living in America. Captioning: Coming to America. {tpl} = Duncan's foot doesn't touch the football. {jp} = The number 5 disappears from Duncan/ Furious D when Homer tells it that the solution is to change the attitude. {jk} + Furious D changes hats -- first he has a purple hat, then a rainbow hat. {reg} * Ned says that he doesn't gamble (4F07), so why was he in the wuss bet line? {reg} * The jockeys said that no woman would have them--but those *were* female jockeys in the crowd, right? {mm} c Audio: We'll eat your brain! Captioning: We'll break your neck! [The jockey who says this makes a "neck-breaking" hand gesture, too -- Ed.] {tpl} = When Homer says "My horse must lose?" and sings "My horse must lose!", his shadows and highlights are reversed. {jp} = Homer fell down a shaft to get to the land of the jockeys, but when he was pushed out, he was back on ground level without having to go up anything. {ddg} c Audio: Dear Mr. President ... Captioning: (Silent) {tpl} ============================================================================== > Reviews ============================================================================== Wilson Banswell: Best of Season 11. From the CBG's jabs to Homer at the fair concert, this was wonderful. I loved Duncan's transformation into the Dennis Rodman of horse racing. Loved CBG's previous episode refs, his "Worst Episode Ever" shirt, practically every thing, except for the jockey-troll thing. Even loved President Clinton. (A) Arup Baral: The writers said it themselves: "worst episode ever." They knew before us that there quality has deteriorated rapidly. This episode had all the worst elements ... Out of character characters, Wackiness, Fragmented acts, repeated plots and bad gags. The CBG references to a.t.s. were not even very funny ... however the Clinton subplot ended on a humorous note and was the only laugh in the entire episode. Cancel now. The worst grade I have ever given. (F) Nate Birch: Well I think I'm gonna have to agree with the writers of this episode when I officially brand it "Worst episode ever". I would have liked to have been there when the writing staff came up with the plot for this piece of dung. "Hey, let's take all of the shows most common themes (Bart's attachment to the Simpson's new animal which they can't afford, Homer's newest money making scheme, Lisa's outrage at some sort of imagined injustice, some type of carnival coming to town) mix them up into a jumbled, incoherent mess, and then add in some animal and midget abuse (hey, it worked in 'There's something about Mary,' right?). Oh yeah, thanks Mike, I'll try to add Bachman-Turner Overdrive in there somewhere, even if it makes no sense ..." Okay let's just leave it at that and just say that this episode really sucked. (F) Paul David Canniff: I absolutely *despised* this episode! It was like a documentary on all the reasons why Season 11 is the most horrid season yet. I didn't care at all about Duncan, and am utterly bored with the whole "Simpsons Get A Pet" plotline. [...] As soon as Homer landed in the Jockey-troll world, I literally became ill. This IS NOT what The Simpsons are about, whatsoever. The Simpsons are about exaggerating reality, and this time, they didn't just exaggerate reality, they crossed over it! If the writers did this on purpose, I have no respect for them. Making fun of your own writing is one thing, but intentionally screwing it up for a whole episode is atrocious. (D-) Sarah Culp: I actually liked this episode, I'm surprised that everyone else seems to hate it so much. The band scenes were very reminiscent of my own elementary school orchestra experiences -- I know what it's like to spend countless hours playing songs that you hate. I was pleasantly surprised that they followed up on that plot. The horse bit was played out fairly well, too, although that jockey-elf-thing was incredibly bizarre. I also liked the CBG continuity lines, and Clinton's scene. (B) Don Del Grande: This one went up and down like one of those yo-yos Tommy Smothers was tossing around at Pebble Beach. First, it was a "they're going through the motions" episode, then the horse story slowed things down, until "Furious D" livens things up; the show showed promise until that stupid "land of the jockeys" bit (the song didn't help either), and the "surprise" ending of Homer winning the trophy without something happening at the last minute to take it away was dampered by the out-of-place Clinton ending. (B) Nicolas Di Candia: This was probably the funniest episode of the season. The plot flowed nicely, had a good setup (which led to a pointless subplot). The jokes were very funny, and nothing seemed too out of place. Until the trolls showed up. Of course, it's the eleventh season, and no episode can end decently. As the Comic Book Guy pointed out, this episode is what "Lisa's Pony" would be like if it were done by the current staff. Without the terrible ending my grade is A-, with it it's a C+ (yes, it was THAT horrible). (C+) Daniel L. Dreibelbis: Well, what can I say? Started out somewhat average (though it was nice to see Mr. Largo again, and the products at the fair like Drain Bugger had me ROTFL), picked up a bit of steam by the second act, and then surprised me with a real twist in the third act with the revelation about the jockeys! The Lisa sub-plot could've been better done, though -- was Marge out of character or what? GREAT use of the CSBG in this episode (especially Homer's "who cares!" putdown of him), Moe also had an excellent scene with the babe. (B+) Curtis Gibby: The first two-and-a-half acts were (almost) pure gold, much better than I thought the show would be. Then came the stink bomb portion, the horrible underground troll scene (with similarly unfunny song), which really dragged it down for me. I enjoyed CBG's commentary throughout the show; it really was funny. If this actually was an intentionally bad episode, a joke on ATS like some people claim, I didn't get it. Overall, I liked this episode pretty well, but I can't give it a grade higher than (B) Tony Hill: This episode was bizarre, but downright funny. The secret land of the jockeys, where they live in an underground fiberglass tree was pure nonsense. Whatever happened to MG's dictum that OFF would never do anything a non-cartoon family wouldn't do? The horse was rather Snoopy-like, and this Democrat even found the poke at Clinton refreshing. The obvious jabs at US make me worry that some day we'll tune in to find the Comic Book Guy has been named after an ATS regular. There were enough laughs to give it an (A-) Carl Johnson: Trolls? Why? The writer must not have been in full possession of his faculties when he wrote this. The story was rancid, and Lisa was way out of character. Homer was a garrulous imbecile again, particularly in act three. I have no idea why anyone would find his Vietnam rant amusing. Or the scene where he yelled at the band. Apparently someone who works for the show does. Nonetheless, the penultimate Clinton joke really shined and is one of the funniest things I've scene. But trolls ... WHY? (D) Darrel Jones: Well, that was some episode! The gags were good, especially Homer pretending to be a veteran and Homer's (and Marge's!) "giggling" fantasies. The musical production number was cute but unnecessary. Nothing truly terrible, though. And the best ending in ages. An 8/10 (A-) Andrew Levine: Let's go to the Scully-era checklist, shall we? Let's see, animals acting like humans -- check. Homer acting like an animal -- check. A musical scene that would be gut-busting on, say, "Animaniacs" but is absolutely gut-wrenching here -- check. CBG providing the episode's funniest moment with a self-reference -- check. Radioactive edibles -- hmm, no. Horrible characterization of Marge -- check (rolling on the floor? Homer, yes, but not all-too sane Marge!). I think episodes like this one can be termed NUFAR: No Use For A Review. It's enough to say that they're representative of the Scully years in these respects, and everyone will understand what you mean. (D+) Ondre Lombard: Pretty funny effort if you ignore super-vulgar/annoying Homer, dim Marge, and CBG, who was slightly less subtle than a nuclear missile. (How many TV series ruin the ensuing premise of its own episode by admitting that parts of it had been done before, and try to make a joke out of it?) The horse did have some personality, and that added to the episode's considerable charm. Unfortunately, like with every episode nowadays, a good start must be ruined by a stupid ending, and the rest speaks for itself. I guess I should be glad that it didn't end with an insane animal or Homer whining/screaming again. Another latter season semi-downer. (C+) Patrick McGovern: They write a great first two acts, then they go and nearly (nearly) blow the third act on the "jockey/troll" thing. I thought "Faith Off"'s flying limb was bad ... Anyway, as I said, it was NEARLY a wash. Act 3 had two of the biggest laughs, ever: "I'm watching you", and the Clinton ending. Anyway, if this closes out the "wackiness" era (Next week ... I can't wait ...), it's a decent end. Good characterization, solid laughs, stupid third act. (B-) Michael Nusair: I thought that this episode was pretty good. It had quite a few laughs, and was enjoyable as always ... BUT ... It completely fell apart once Homer fell into the Jockey / Elves' underground lair. I don't know if it was supposed to be a parody of the show's previous wackiness, or a jab at over-scrutinizing fans, but I do know that it was stupid. And unfunny. And ... I could go on. But the rest of the episode was pretty good. (B-) Nate Patrin: I'll just skip the points everyone else has made (Comic Book Guy this, out-of-character that) and lay it on the line right here: Not such a hot episode. [...] There were some funny scattered jokes [...] but the running bits and extended gags were just not right. I just wasn't feeling it; I had to keep asking myself if this whole thing was just a massive hallucination, or a sort of bizarre put-on by the writers. I'm hoping it's the latter. As a Dadaist/Fluxus deconstruction and ironic manipulation of all of the worst elements of the past two seasons made into an intentionally ludicrous episode, I give it an A+. As an attempt at a sincerely straightforward and funny episode, though ... "Furious D" is a pretty appropriate moniker. (D-) Damian Penny: Coming just days after a Salon article outlining the growing rift between the show's writers and many internet fans is a rather blatant attack on this newsgroup. The show responded to criticism that the show is no longer realistic with one of the most outrageous episodes ever. And to be honest, I laughed so hard through most of it -- especially the frequent appearances by the Comic Book Guy -- that I really don't mind having been slagged in this manner. Say what you like about the character development and outrageous plots of late, but the show has rarely been this funny. (A) Eric Sansoni: The series takes one more step towards cartoon goofiness. Bart and Homer work well in the horse plot, which begins well enough, but is weakly paced. Why not some transitional scenes from nice horse to mean horse? The jockey-elf scenes are so far-fetched, they kill any credibility the story had. Never mind the predictable Clinton cameo appearance. The writers need to learn that silly does not equal funny. When they step outside the bounds of logic or realism, they leave us not knowing what to expect. Since comedy is based on frustrating our expectations, we end up with nothing to laugh at. The Comic Book Guy provides some of the few laughs here, with meta-references aimed squarely at longtime fans. (C+) Benjamin Shyovitz: This episode had good jokes (the products at the fair; Homer explaining the band; glow sticks; Homer's deep fried shirt; the mop; Homer's dream about pearls; horse whisperer; glue factory; the British aristocrats; the song was funny), but the thing with Moe was pointless and stupid, and the whole troll thing was too far fetched. Good jokes, OK plot, but a wee bit far fetched. (A-) Yours Truly: "Saddlesore Galactica" is like a racehorse that explodes out of the gate, only to fade down the stretch. It has two good first acts, and a fine subplot, but the scene where Homer confronts the jockeys is jarring and out of character for the show. On the other hand, we get a subplot that explores the less noble side of Lisa's character. The real surprise is Bart's new racehorse, Duncan. A remarkably expressive animal, he seems to understand the events that go on around him, and it was easy for us to follow how he was feeling at any given time. It's not first-place material, but "Saddlesore" is a decent episode. (B) AVERAGE GRADE: B- (2.55) Std Dev.: 1.2079 (34 reviews computed) ============================================================================== > Comments and other observations ============================================================================== >> Meta-reference corner As the Simpsons considered taking Duncan home, Comic Book Guy's wandered over and pointed out how the plot had been done before, in "Lisa's Pony (8F06)." When Homer asked the crowd if any cared about CBG's opinion, the response was unanimously negative. Numerous people cited this as a meta-reference (and chided the writers for not giving the fans their due). There's a lot more on this subject later in the capsule. Brian LeBail adds: [Also,] when he showed up when they toyed with Marge's gambling addiction "I'm watching you" and at the end when the production company logo "shhhh's" CGB says "Worst Episode Ever". I don't think they were making fun do you? Benjamin Robinson adds: When he warns Marge that he's watching her, Comic Book Guy wears a shirt with the tagline, "Worst Episode Ever." (It's an even more direct reference when you consider he's making a previous episode reference at the time.) >> Those eternal threads - Where is Springfield? Don Del Grande speculates: Springfield may be in either Maryland or Siena, Italy -- where else do horses get away with running into each other like that without being disqualified? (I single out Maryland because I remember the 1980 Preakness, where Codex pretty much cut Genuine Risk off without spoiling the race's "no horse has been disqualified" record; Siena is the home of "Il Palio", the horse race where literally anything goes.) >> Maybe it's not so elementary band after all ... "Stars and Stripes" is a pretty impressive song, as Richard E. Green notes: Stars & Stripes Forever: This song was written by John Sousa (1854-1932) in 1896 (on Christmas Day, while he was taking a vessel from Europe to the U.S.). It was later declared the United State's official march, and is usually played at pretty much all Independence Day events. It is also a VERY popular song for concert bands, who often encore with this piece (both my band camp and college band use this as our encore). However, it is NOT an easy piece of music to play -- it contains numerous bass lines, a piccolo solo, and the original composition even has written in "all band members stand up" at a certain point. Many school bands do not go near this piece of music unless they are competing or something; in fact my high school's band director was even afraid to pass it out to our band, so I doubt that an elementary school band, even a state winner, could play it too well. Tom Restivo: It's also the "signature song" for the Boston Pops, played at the end of every concert. (Also cf. notes on Arthur Fiedler in capsule summary for "Brother From Another Series".) Tony Hill chips in with: Band directors (and judges) are obsessed with "The Stars and Stripes Forever." >> Well, I'm no Margaret Cho ... Andrew Levine provides this mini-bio: Not a Vietnam battle sites, but a Korean-American comedienne. After her much-hyped sitcom, "All-American Girl," bombed in 1994, Cho went on one of those downward spirals you typically see on VH1 -- drugs, overeating, etc. She pulled herself together, and in 1999 the openly bisexual comic debuted her one-woman stage show, "I'm the One that I want," in which she discoursed on the relationships between straight men, gay men, and women, joked frankly of her post-"Girl" binges, and did wicked impersonations of her born-in-Korea mother. The show won critical raves and drew huge audiences, and Margaret Cho's career is now on an upswing. I wouldn't be surprised if she does a voice on the Simpsons in the future (in fact, I just laid out plans for a script of my own in which a character is intended to be voiced by her. But that's neither here nor there). Don Del Grande adds: Cho was supposed to be the voice of Jay Sherman's sister Margo in "The Critic", but after the first episode, she was replaced (and she may have done other episodes which had to be redubbed) ... by Nancy Cartwright. >> Taking Care of Business Thanks to Daniel L. Dreibelbis for this bit of BTO history: When ex-Guess Who guitarist Randy Bachman teamed up in 1970 with fellow Winnipeg rocker C.F. (Fred) Turner on bass and vocals and Randy's brother Rob on drums, nobody would have predicted that this band would be going places. After two duds as Brave Belt, they added another Bachman brother, Tim, on second guitar, got another recording contract, and changed their name to Bachman-Turner Overdrive (named after a popular trucker's magazine) -- and blew up the chem lab in the process, what with memorable heavy riffs, distinctive vocals in both Randy and Fred, and a unique "I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK" sequins, leather and denim stage image, not to mention Randy's legendary prowess on lead guitar. As well as "Takin' Care Of Business" and "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet" (as Homer said, two of their biggest hits), they had huge hit singles with "Blue Collar", "Roll On Down The Highway", "Hey You", "Let It Ride" and "Lookin' Out For #1", and huge hit albums with BTO II, NOT FRAGILE and FOUR WHEEL DRIVE . Ironically enough, BTO are NOT really together now as you saw them in this episode (the lineup we saw animated was the most famous one, with guitarist Blair Thornton replacing Tim Bachman right after the recording of BTO II); thanks to a number of factors, including tensions between Randy and Fred, Randy vs. Rob and Blair, and at times the whole band vs. their infamously egotistical and foot-in-mouth-at-wrong-instant manager Bruce Allen, BTO has had a number of different lineups. AFAIK, currently Randy fronts his own four-piece band Bachman (and is apparently talking with former Guess Who bud Burton Cummings about going back on the road) , while Fred, Rob and Blair tour with another lead guitarist billed as BTO -- and yes, the stock- in-trade of their tours include county and state fairs in the summertime and fall. Despite the tensions, Randy and Fred often put aside their differences and appear together to sing the old songs at a variety of benefit concerts and special appearances in Canada. There's a bit of humor here too when Randy says they're going to play something off their new CD -- at concerts like they play at in this episode, the audience expects to hear the old hits, and only the old hits, and get mighty cranky if they get anything BUT. One story is that Randy did up a demo tape in the 1980s of modern pop and everyone was anxious to sign this hot new act -- until they discovered it was Randy. Andrew Levine notes: Their album "BTO", released in December 1973, spawned two major hits, "Takin' Care of Business" [heard on the show -- Ed.] and "Let It Ride." Dan Tropea asks: I have not heard about that band [Bachman Turner Overdrive] in a long time. Wow. Did they really record a new CD? I never really thought that they were all that big or influential. "Dave" answers: Not anymore they're not. That's why they're playing the state fair. BTW, I saw them 2 years ago playing at a horse racing track in South Florida. Free admission. It's a shame that the great rock bands from yesteryear are carnival and fair fodder now. Deacon Snoring: What really dates me is that they hired BTO to play the State Fair instead of, say, a barbershop quartet. That's BTO in the world of Britney Spears, I guess -- about as relevant and hip as a barbershop quartet ... But instead of "Down By the Old Mill Stream," we got "Takin' Care of Business." It's one of the new "standards" ... >> Musical References Damian Penny: "Living in America" by James Brown -- the band plays this 1986 hit at the state fair Richard E. Green adds: Homer said that was his 3rd favourite version of Living With America? If the James Brown version is his favourite, could his second favourite be the "Weird Al" Yankovic version called "Living With A Hernia?". Sorry, but I am also a regular in alt.music.weird-al. "Sweepings" wrote: That song that was playing was supposed to be "The Distance" by Cake, but I guess they couldn't get the rights to play it so they had a reasonably good imitation. Sarah Culp: I'm surprised that they couldn't get the rights to it, the members of Cake seem to be the sort who would love that kind of thing. Maybe they just didn't want to shell out the cash. :P [For the second (and subsequent) airings of this episode, a cut from the actual song was played, rather than the knockoff. Perhaps the licensing paperwork was a little slow that week? -- Ed.] Tony Hill: "Camptown Races" was written by Stephen Foster in 1856. J.E. Winner wrote "The Little Brown Jug" in 1869. It's best known for a 1939 recording by Glenn Miller. >> People in the news Benjamin Robinson: Some famous people were mentioned in passing. Lynda Carter -- Actress famous mainly for her portrayal of Wonder Woman in the 70s TV series. George Foreman -- Respected boxer who made a surprisingly credible comeback in his forties. Now, he writes a health-and- exercise column for "USA Weekend," and endorses a line of indoor grilles. James Madison -- Former President of the United States, who served from 1809 to 1817. Linda Hunt -- Oscar-winning actress, for "The Year of Living Dangerously." I haven't seen the film, but heard she played a *man*. [Millie Savard confirms this, and also provided the correct title -- Ed.] >> Duncan, the diving horse Joe Klemm writes: Back in the first half of the century, one of the big highlights at some fairs was the diving horse exhibition. In these shows, a person would be riding a horse on a platform above a pool of water. Then, both the rider and the horse jump off the platform, and they dive into the pool. A good example of this type of show can be seen in the Disney film, "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken." >> Car Watch at the races Benjamin Robinson: Duncan's callous owner drives off in a Cadillac Eldorado from, oh, let's say 1973. >> Bart isn't the only person who's bad ... James Reisdorf explains how well-timed the Dennis Rodman references are: It was very ironic that Furious D was very similar to Dennis Rodman in this episode. 3 days prior to the first airing, Dennis had signed a contract with the lowly Dallas Mavericks, ending a 10-month absence away from basketball. Oddly enough, prior to this, Dennis had appeared on the Tonight Show, mellowed out to a degree. Rodman, who since 1993 has been known for his bad attitude and his flamboyant hair styles, appeared with a more "normal" blond look, and wasn't sporting his usual piercings. Of course, he was still the same basketball player, in his first 4 or so games with Dallas, Rodman had as many ejections as points. =3D) Some things never change. Now, as long as he doesn't kick a cameraman's personal area, we're safe. >> Marge's Bets Don Del Grande explains: "Furious D Across the Board" -- win, place, and show "Boxed with the 3 and the 8" -- an Exacta or Trifecta bet with Furious D and the other two horses in all six combinations "Wheeled Up and Down" -- an Exacta bet with Furious D to win and each other horse to place, and vice versa Her "across the board" bets and the half of her wheel that had Furious D to win and whichever horse that did finish second in second paid; if the 3 or the 8 came in second (or it was a Trifecta bet and the 3 and 8 came in second and third), one of those bets paid off as well. (For those of you outside of North America: "place" -- first or second; "show" -- first, second or third; "exacta" -- first and second in a race, in order; "trifecta" -- first, second, and third in a race, in order.) >> It's Déjà vu all over again Jerry P.: This episode seemed to have a lot of small things repeat once, which constantly gave me a sense of deja-vu. Comic Book Guy commenting on reused storylines The car screeching away - Duncan the Amazing Diving Horse announcer - Springfield Downs announcer Horses in products - dog food - glue Air horn - Duncan entering track - accepting award Dealies - "... metal dealies for his feet?" - "... shaking in their horse dealies." Shaking in ... - "... shaking in their horse dealies." - "Ooh, I'm shaking in my silks." Monocle - "That's my third monocle this week." - "Hold on to your monocles!" >> Worst Episode Ever "Saddlesore Galactica" started an unexpected controversy (as opposed to "Alone Again, Natura-Diddly (BABF10)," which we'd expect to be controversial). Were the writers trying to make a statement with this outlandish story, or was this just another ill-conceived episode? Read on, and decide for yourself. Chris Palm opens with: You know how people have been saying things like, "I bet you that 'Maximum Homerdrive' and 'Monty Can't Buy Me Love' are actually parodies of how wacky the show has become." Well, that's untrue. Those episodes aren't parodies at all. However, tonight's episode, "Saddlesore Gallactica," was THE ultimate parody of the show. The inclusion of the Comic Book Guy cinches this. Does anyone else see it? "Ugh! I can't believe how wacky 'Maximum Homerdrive' was! I mean, trucks that drive by themselves?! Come on!" Now, look at tonight's episode: it was, without a doubt, the WACKIEST episode of The Simpsons ever. The writers knew this was extremely wacky, and you know what? They knew people on A.T.S. were going to go and bash the hell out of it! They did it on purpose! They're egging you on, guys! "BAH! I can't stand these stupid musical numbers that are always forced into episodes, like in 'Wild Barts Can't Be Broken!" Well, what do we have here ...? Why, it's a musical number, being sung by a bunch of elfish jockeys living in an underground mushroom village. Hmmmmmmm ... "Jeez! Why is it that all episodes nowadays end with a some sort of chase involving Homer?!" Well, look at that! Homer is being chased by a bunch of elfish jockeys on horses brandishing swords ... Do you guys see where I'm going here? The writers produced this episode as a taunt to every nay-sayer at A.T.S. And I applaud them for it. This was easily one of the most clever episodes ever. Someone known only as "Jason" agrees: This was one of the worst episodes I've ever seen ... and I think it was made that way ... an inside joke, like you said. Everything was just way too contrived and over-the-top -- the whole bit with the jockeys living underground -- the "fight" scene at the end -- the comic book guy showing up again and again, pounding home the message -- Homer's extreme rudeness and cluelessness -- Lisa being overly "activistic" The show and all the characters were parodies of themselves ... it was all too obvious to be anything else. Matthew Hackel: Sure. They were poking fun at all of you by showing you what the Simpsons would be like if everything you all bitched about every week was in fact true. CBG was put in there largely to make this more obvious, as were the more ridiculous segments--the mop, Moe at the track, and the Jockeys. Lastly, everything in this episode has happened before, whether or not CBG commented on it. Matt Rose is less than thrilled with this "deliberate parody" concept: I don't know how anyone can applaud them for wasting all their energy on pissing off the people that have loyally watched the show since the Tracey Ullman days and remember when the show actually gave two monkeys about its dignity and its fan base instead of $$$$$ for the network. The #1 rule of entertainment: You DON'T insult your audience. [...]It is these people's JOBS to make something entertaining, and they feel like since some of their most loyal viewers have turned on them recently that it's their prerogative to tell us all to "f--- off", well, then that's really sad. Adam Long: I don't think they were saying "f--- off," I think they were saying that they don't take anything they read here seriously like some people expect. They don't say "stop criticizing, you jerks, we're offended!," they say "keep criticizing if you want, but it's not going to get to us," and why should it? I figure the writers are just taking it light-heartedly, not personally attacking us. Unfortunately, some people look for anything they can to support their hatred of the Scully-era. Ostap Bender: Uh-huh, let me get this straight -- these guys are professionals so they should be ready to take that constant bashing that you lightly call "occasional criticism", but you aren't professionals so you reserve a right to get offended by their occasional fighting back? Nice double standard. Matt Rose: Two wrongs don't make a right, do they? Homer says they do, so I guess he's right about everything else, too. What are we supposed to do? Sit back and say nothing when an episode sucks? I'm gonna let them know about it. James Allen writes: I wonder how much of CBG's antics went over the not-ng- literate people's heads? All it tells me is that they are spending too much time reading criticism and less time actually thinking up new stories to tell. Look, the rabid internet fan community is ripe for parody. If they actually wrote some sort of story that explored internet fandom (of Krusty's show for example), that would be something. But they are not that creative. They are just using the CBG as a one joke machine. And not even in a clever way. Some people wondered why the writers would want to make a deliberately bad show. Michael K. Neylon provides a possible motive: First, name any non- internet related review of The Simspons in the past 5 years that was an overall negative piece. You probably can't. To the best of my knowledge, every bit of talk about OFF is positive and talks about how strong the series is. And these are all coming from 'professional' critics that work for EWeekly, TVG, and other news sources. A constant stream of Emmy noms also deters any negative comments. Now, look at the general feel of the current episodes from those that were around prior to 5 years ago on this newsgroup; in general, mostly negative, and nowhere as glowingly positive as the aforementioned sources. I have a very strong feeling that the writers are finally being exposed to negative criticisms of their work for the first time in their lives, and they can't handle it, and try to turn the tables on us. They also consider us sub-par compared to the professional writers and thus feel they can snub us as well. I know that the first time you get negative criticism on something, you want to lash out and try to proof that *you* were right, and not the critic. However, in time, I've learned that you take the criticism and make your work even better if you can. But if last night's show proofed anything, the writers seem to be a bunch of whiny kids that always want their way, and won't change their minds even if someone did point out to them that the sky is blue while they insist it's red. The argument that is currently used here (and reiterated in I&S&P) is "They don't owe you anything", they being the writers. That is certainly true. This goes for all television; they only live for the eternal advertising dollar. But there have been shows with good internet fan bases that have had the producers quite intent on getting the fan response and adjusting the show appropriately -- "Animaniacs" and "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and "Babylon 5" come to mind. The writers of those shows considers the online fan base as important if not more so than the professional critics when it came to evaluating their work. It's time that the writers got their heads out of the ground and realize that anything that you do will get negative remarks by someone-- you cannot be glaring perfect for all your lives. You can choose to ignore those remarks, and jest at those that make them, or you can take them seriously, and improve your product. I think we all know which way the writers want to take. Not everyone agreed with this line of reasoning, however. Gabe Farkas countered: Do you really think that the writers are being "spiteful" to ATS people by intentionally writing bad episodes? Really? Get off your high horse. Why the hell would they go out of their way to piss off a select 2% of viewers? Please ... Robert Anderson: Somehow I don't think Mike Reiss or Conan O'Brien would have gotten this worked up about what any of us have to say. But then their work spoke for itself. Kyle Noskoviak, suggests another motivation: They do it because, despite what they professes about not caring what we think, they do care. Big time. If they didn't, they would ignore us. Not everyone was convinced that the writers were trying to make some clever point. Alex Flandonwittsy writes: But why even go to the length of doing this when 80% of the viewing audience won't "get" the joke, and the other 20% will be split up between those OFF internet junkies who liked it and didn't? Why alienate such a large portion of your audience? To make a point? Haven't they already done this in countless other episodes? (Hey, those guys take our cartoon show seriously sometimes! Let's make fun of them!) IMO, last night's episode was hardly a parody(if it was, then perhaps all of season ten should be included with it). It was just a really good story killed off because of a dumb conclusion. So dumb that I consider it one of the worst this year. The "worst episode ever", though? No. I'll let that be the judgement of the Comic Book Guy, who happens to use that quote much more than the people he tries to parody. Michael Reisman agrees: Is anyone so delusional to think the Simpsons writers would go out of their way to deride YOU? They are just trying to make a funny show. [...] I wish they didn't legitimize alt.tv.simpsons as much as they do. But after 250 episodes, you'd probably have a hard time coming up with new plots, too. So does Eric Sansoni: You guys are egomaniacs. The joke is not directed specifically at YOU. The show is watched in the millions of viewers. It is a universal joke about how CBG-types, whether Trekkies, Xenites, what have you, often criticize a show, comic book, whatever, for recycling old plots and story ideas. This is hardly even a major criticism from OFF fans, who are more likely to complain about Homercentrism, celebrity cameos, out-of- characterization, etc. It was not directed at YOU/US/WE/etc. This ep was written by Tim Long, who also wrote the CBG-heavy Halloween short this year. Clearly he is well-versed in comic book and Trekkie fandom, and simply loves the CBG for how he symbolizes all the crazed fans out there that have formed weird attachments to shows and characters in the modern media throughout the century. It is a simple, generic joke. This weird obsessing that goes on over it here just makes the fans here seem genuinely creepy and poorly socialized to me. Gary Warner replies: I disagree with you on both counts. They know they have a wide fan base but, by definition, the people plugged into ATS have to be some of the most loyal, interested, and critical fans. It's not a stretch to think that the writers (artists) would be watching some of the feedback from this group. That's not to say that they'd really give a guff (...I mean shi#*) what is said, just that it'd be interesting to them. Poking fun is their business. If they can poke at themselves and ATS at the same time -- it's just that much more brilliant. Someone known only as "Dave": This was not a dig at a.t.s per se, but a dig at every on-line chat room, mailing list and water cooler discussion group that focuses on the show. Including a.t.s. Greg Moody: CBG's behavior is familiar to just about anyone familiar with the Trekkie stereotype; I don't think it's too big a leap to assume that personality type might react to The Simpsons in a similar way, even if you're not aware of Simpsons fandom _per se_. For what it's worth: I watched this episode with two friends who do not read this newsgroup -- both have been fairly disappointed, overall, with the show over the past few years. I have been a little less critical of it than they. However, all three of us thought this episode was hysterical (with the exception of the musical number, which felt too forced). I might have gotten more of the in-jokes, but I don't think they hurt my friends' enjoyment of the show at all. For example, CBG's behavior is familiar to just about anyone familiar with the Trekkie stereotype; I don't think it's too big a leap to assume that personality type might react to The Simpsons in a similar way, even if you're not aware of Simpsons fandom _per se_. Lori Penner: I was hoping someone would mention this because I could not have said it as eloquently. I've always seen CBG as a Star-Trek fan; even when he's on the internet isn't he usually doing trek stuff? Even before the internet, people talked for hours and hours about the best ever/worst ever ST episode. Everybody knew a CBG long before the internet came along. My buddy and I were watching it and he got a huge kick out of the shirt, and CBG's comment, even though he has no clue what Usenet is about. But we do know a CBG. Mike Kris offers an alternate theory: I don't think they were poking fun at a.t.s, they were making fun of the writers of the show! Think about it. First of all, the Comic Book Guy makes points about the Simpsons throwing in old ideas to new episodes to make them look new again. (I'm a sucker, I didn't even think how much this resembled Lisa's Pony when I saw the ads for it.) Anyway, after two references of the sort, they throw a wild, strange, and completely un-Simpsonslike ending on us. It almost seemed to imply that the Simpsons writers are running out of ideas! At least that's what I got out of it. It still wasn't all that funny, but it's more understandable and likable when you look at it that way. Oh, and Russell Cress was the first guy to actually say it after the show: Worst Episode Ever! >> Dearest Writers ... Tammy Hocking writes this impassioned plea: I'll open by promising that this is NOT another barbed, angry post from a humourless die-hard fan. However, I am a die-hard fan, which is why I felt compelled to send a message to the writers -- who I'm sure will be keenly monitoring reactions from the fans whom they've provoked with tonight's episode. Although I haven't seen the episode directly, I was given the lowdown of its events and some of the remarks that were made by the infamous Comic Store Guy. Initially, I laughed heartily at his "worst episode ever" comments, being such a humourous reflection of how the more belligerent members of this newsgroup respond to many Simpsons episodes of late. But when I heard his nerdish gripes were attacked by Homer's question of "Does anybody care what this guy thinks?" (and the crowd's resounding "NO"), I became deeply disappointed at the lack of professionalism displayed by the writers. To take what was initially a humourous (and arguably deserved) jab at a relatively miniscule subculture is one thing; to turn it into a petty, unfunny attack of spite is very much another. Not only did it insult some of its most long-standing and good-humoured fans like myself, but it would have bewildered the millions of other Simpsons fans the world over -- most of whom are completely unaware of the small group known as alt.tv.simpsons to which the verbal attack was aimed -- leaving them clueless as to what the significance of the joke is. So, to the writers who seek feedback in this group, I now beg: Ignore the negative comments, and take note of the *constructive* criticism and the praises. Not ALL fans who have loved the show from episode one are complaining that the show is no good anymore. Although I am disappointed at the current thrust of Homer-ism and wackiness, I will continue to watch the show because I'm a big fan, simple as that -- it's The Simpsons that has pointed me towards a career in animation, and directly led me to meeting my fiancé. This is why we take it so seriously, because for some of us it's made impressions on our lives. Pretty neat for a cartoon, huh? Please ... put the sharp, pointy pencils down, take some of the people from this newsgroup less seriously, and bring the substance back to the show that so many of us loved and now miss. I have no doubt that professionals like yourselves can find a compromising balance between wackiness and emotion. That's certainly how I'd love to see the show go out, when it finally does. Cheers ... thanks for listening. >> Miscellaneous, Etc. The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this episode is: Wiley Horses Travis D. McLemore suggests: "Bart o'War," or "Win, Place, or D'oh!" Scott Henrichs: This was the first time in about 5 seasons Mr. Largo talked, and I think he said more tonight than in the history of the series combined. Tony Hill: James Madison was indeed the shortest president. ============================================================================== > Quotes and Scene Summary ============================================================================== % The closing bars of "Stars and Stripes Forever" fill the Springfield % Elementary band room. Although the students finish at about the % same time, Mr. Largo says there's room for improvement, especially % since the school has been invited to the county band competition, % er, excuse me, the *state* band competition. Lisa: I hate to be a killjoy, but do you really think we can win playing "Stars and Stripes Forever?" It's so beginner band, and we're advanced beginner band. Ralph: [stops drawing a picture on his drum] This is band? Largo: Very well, Lisa, what rousing Sousa march would you have us play? Lisa: Well, I thought for once we could play a song that wasn't written by Sousa. Largo: You mean something ... just arranged by Sousa? -- Not a man of great vision, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Lisa pushes for something bolder: Something, anything, written by % someone else. Milhouse suggests "Camptown Races." Nelson pushes % for "Little Brown Jug." It's all too much for Largo, who blames % Lisa for this rain of "devil music." A kid who looks like a chip % off the old Sinatra block defends her, and Largo finally gives in. Okay, we'll do a different song. Who cares? They all end up sounding the same anyway. -- Dewey Largo, frustrated band instructor, "Saddlesore Galactica" % State Fair day arrives, and so do the Simpsons. Homer decides to % take advantage of the veterans' free admission policy. Homer: Vietnam veteran. Gatekeeper: Do you have a military ID? Homer: ID? Damn Charlie didn't ask for ID when I fought at La Choy, and Chun King. I saw my best friend's head explode at Margaret Cho. Marge: Homer, give him the fifty cents. Homer: Why should I? Did my country give me a parade? No, man, they spat at me and -- Gatekeeper: Just go! [waves him in] Homer: Thank you. This closes the saddest chapter in American history. -- Yeah, the one where Homer poses as a veteran, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Inside the fairgrounds, Marge is impressed by the array of goods for % sale. There's Miracle Shears, a pair of scissors strong enough to % cut through a car door in one stroke. Then there's the Drain % Bugger, a fierce-looking beetle that eats clogs and emerges as a % colorful butterfly. And what home would be complete without a set % of OmniGogs? OmniGog Man: Folks, how often have you opened the morning paper only to have the rubber band fly off and hit you right in the eye? Marge: Never. But it's my number one concern. OmniGog Man: Well, with the OmniGog system, those worries are a thing of the past. [puts on the goggles and rolls the rubber band off the newspaper he's holding. The rubber band smacks him on the head hard enough to throw him back several feet. The crowd gasps, but he's quickly back on his feet] I'm all right, folks -- thanks to my OmniGogs! [the crowd cheers, and the camera focuses on Lenny, who wears a bandage on his right eye] Lenny: [ruefully] A little late for Lenny. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % At another corner of the fair, Bachman Turner Overdrive tunes up to % play. Bart: Who are those pleasant old men? Homer: It's BTO -- they're Canada's answer to ELP. Their big hit was TCB. [notices Bart staring at him, questioningly] That's how we talked in the 70's. We didn't have a moment to spare. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % Homer evidently still doesn't have a moment to spare, because he % almost immediately requests "Takin' Care of Business." And not just % "Takin' Care of Business," but to a part in the middle of the song. % The band can't believe what they're hearing, but they oblige. As % Homer dances in a way that would embarrass most mortals to death, % Bart sidles away. % % Later in the concert, Homer asks for "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet," % despite the fact that BTO just finished playing it. There's no time % for an encore, though, since the state elementary band competition % is about to begin. Turner: Be sure to stick around for the battle of the elementary school bands. Homer: Ohhh. Marge: Homer, Lisa's in that! Homer: I stand by my disappointed groan. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % Instead of the traditional Sousa march, the band has decided to play % "Living in America." It's a rousing rendition, indeed, highlighted % by Lisa's proficient sax playing. Even her brother is impressed. Check out Lisa! She's a sax machine! -- Bart, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Comptroller Atkins, who is emceeing the competition, is similarly % impressed, as are Marge and Homer. Lisa is confident of victory, % especially when she hears that the last band in the contest, from % Ogdenville, will be playing "Stars and Stripes Forever." % % Lisa's certainty is premature. At the end of their set, the % Ogdenville band produces red, white and blue glow sticks, forming a % glowing version of the American flag. The bandmembers even wave the % sticks around a little, giving the effect of the flag in a breeze. % The crowd is wowed by this razzle-dazzle, and the judges award the % prize to Ogdenville, despite the fact that visual aids are against % the rules. % % Stung by the defeat, Lisa calls one of the Ogdenville children a % cheater as he walks by with the winners' plaque. Unfortunately, % Comptroller Atkins overhears the remark, and takes back his decision % to award Springfield the trophy for good sportsmanship. Lisa: I can't believe those idiot judges were impressed by glowing plastic tubes. Homer: [wearing a garland of glow sticks] Look, Lisa! It glows. [waves one in front of his face, fascinated] Ooooh. -- Bet you didn't see that one coming, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Marge says that Lisa should relax and try to enjoy the state fair. % (Or state *un*fair, as Lisa insists on calling it.) She then % follows her own advice, walking with Homer and Bart among the % display booths. % % Homer's shirt looks a little browner and crisper than usual. Homer: See Marge, I told you they could deep-fry my shirt. Marge: I didn't say they couldn't, I said you *shouldn't*. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % A carnival barker entices the Simpsons, and many other fairgoers, to % step right up and see Duncan, the diving horse. Duncan, a white % horse wearing outsized bathing trunks, stands on a platform high % above a pool of water. (It looks like one of those six-foot above- % ground models.) The barker pulls a lever, and the platform begins % to tilt. "Looks like he's ready to dive," says the barker, but to % the impartial observer it looks like Duncan is terrified. He % scrambles to stay on the platform, but eventually it angles too % steeply, and he falls into the pool below. % % "What's that Duncan? You say you want to dive again?" the barker % asks. A carny attaches a harness, and a crane begins to lift the % horse. Duncan appears resigned to taking another dive, when Wiggum % arrives, escorted by Eddie and Lou. Wiggum: This is clearly a case of animal cruelty. Uh, do you have a permit for that? Barker: No problem, sir, it's in my car. [gets in, and quickly drives off] Lou: You've gotta stop being so trusting, Chief. Wiggum: Ah, I'd rather let a thousand guilty men go free than chase after them. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % The Chief practices some crowd control. Wiggum: All right, show's over, folks. I'm afraid this horse is going to the dog food factory. Homer: Good luck getting a horse to eat dog food! Bart: You can't do that to Duncan! It's not his fault that his owner was a sleaze. Wiggum: Look, I just want the horse to have a good home, or be food. You want to take him, fine with me. [Duncan looks at Bart. Bart looks at Duncan, then Homer. Homer looks at Marge. There's no way this horse is going to the dog food factory] Marge: Hmmm. Should the Simpsons get a horse? CBG: Excuse me, I believe this family already had a horse, and the expense forced Homer to work at the Kwik-E-Mart, with hilarious consequences. Homer: Anybody care what this guy thinks? Crowd: No! -- Do you think they're trying to tell us something? "Saddlesore Galactica" % Soon, the Simpsons are driving home, with Duncan riding on the roof. % Homer warns him of a tunnel, so Duncan can duck in time. % % [End of Act One. Time: 7:45] % % As had happened in "Lisa's Pony (8F06)," the Simpsons must confront % the challenge of paying for Duncan's upkeep. While Marge bought % quite a pile of gewgaws at the fair, the only thing she has to feed % is the mop. The tab for keeping Duncan, on the other hand, will be % US$500 a week. Fortunately, Homer has devised a way for Duncan to % earn his keep. % % Duncan, wearing an old-fashioned leather football helmet, Homer, and % Bart are at the school's football field. Duncan runs up, and kicks % a football for a picture-perfect field goal. Homer: [impressed] Hmmm, that's terrific, Duncan. You're ten for ten. Now let's look in the rulebook and see if horses can play in the NFL. [thumbs through a book] D'oh! Bart: He's a diving horse. Maybe he could dive for pearls. Homer: Pearls, eh? [Homer daydreams of drifting through the sky, laying on a fanciful bed made of pearls. A pearl-shaped butler walks up] Butler: Breakfast is served. [he gives Homer a bowl of Pearl-Os. Homer digs in, and reaches for a hand mirror. His teeth have all been broken off into jagged points. Surprisingly, Homer doesn't mind, and breaks out into a giggle fit] [in real life, he rolls laughing on the ground. Bart rides over on Duncan] Bart: Hey, Dad! Homer: Huh? Bart: This horse is pretty fast. Maybe we can race him. Homer: Racehorse, eh? [resumes giggling] -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % Back home, Lisa writes a letter to President Clinton, decrying the % outcome of the band contest. Marge advises her to stop obsessing % over that, and concentrate on life's good things. As an example, % she shows Lisa how well a fire extinguisher she bought at the fair % works. It should work: It's the only extinguisher with % endorsements from Lynda Carter and George Foreman. Marge wonders % what it would be like if the two were to have a child together and % rolls, Homer-like, on the floor laughing at the imagined result. % % Homer and Bart prepare Duncan for his first race. Bart: Dad, if we're going to race Duncan, shouldn't we hire a professional trainer? Homer: Son, I learned everything I needed to know from "The Horse Whisperer." Step one: Seduce a lonely housewife. [turns to the Flanders house, where Maude happens to be looking through one of the windows] Ma'am. [she lowers the blinds] Now for the actual horse whispering. [whispers into Duncan's ear] When the race starts, run really fast. -- Did Phar Lapp start this way? "Saddlesore Galactica" % Moe picks through the ticket stubs that litter the ground at % Springfield Downs, hoping to find a winner. Instead, he finds a % beautiful woman, which sets his heart pounding. Really pounding -- % it jumps out of his chest like in an old cartoon. Moe makes a hasty % exit to search for medical attention. % % Meanwhile, the jockeys warm up their horses. Jockey 1: Just once, I'd like to ride clockwise. Jockey 2: Really? I thought I was the only one. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % A blast from an air horn signals Homer's arrival. With Bart riding % jockey in his Krusty pajamas, Homer leads Duncan into the ring. He % gives the horse a taco, with the promise of another one when he % wins. But first, some last-minute preparations. Homer: [to the jockeys] Hey, where do you get those metal dealies for his feet? Jockey 2: You mean, horseshoes? Homer: Hey, what's with the attitude? I just wanted some dealies. Jockey 1: You really think that horse can run a mile and a half? Homer: He ran all the way here. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % A horn fanfare signals that it's time to get the horses to the % starting line. Homer looks at the odds for Duncan, and he's a % longshot: 5,000,000:1. Homer: That horse better win, or we're taking a trip to the glue factory -- and he won't get to come. Lenny: Yeah, that's a great tour. But you can't see it all in one day. Carl: Hey, be quiet. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % And away they go! It's Chock Full O'Drugs followed closely by Stalker, with Old Levis fading fast! -- Race Announcer, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Meanwhile, Duncan hasn't left the starting gate, apparently too % frightened to go on. Bart encourages Duncan, and the horse explodes % out of the gate. Too bad the race has already been run by this % point. % % [End of Act Two. Time: 12:04] % % Homer tries to cheer up his boy after the race, in his usual way. Cheer up, son. I thought you looked damn good out there. [sees Duncan's number] Oh, wait, you were number five? You, you stink! [realizes] ... Damn good. -- Homer Simpson, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Bart says that Duncan's problem is that he's intimidated by the % other horses. Homer immediately figures what Duncan needs is a new, % "bad-ass" attitude. Homer vows that when he's done with Duncan, the % other horses "will be shaking in their horse dealies." % % Meanwhile, Lisa still can't let the band contest go, and has called % the White House to seek redress. Hello, I'd like to speak with President Clinton, please. I wrote to him and he never wrote back. No, I don't want Al Gore. -- Lisa Simpson, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Marge walks by, hangs up the phone for Lisa, and advises her to % channel her energies into something more useful. Their talk is % interrupted by a face at the window. It looks a little like Duncan, % only his mane is how a wild rainbow of colors peeking out from under % a purple beret, and he sports a big gold nose ring. His fierce % scowl reveals a gold tooth. Not quite believing their eyes, Marge % and Lisa run outside to see Duncan's new persona. Lisa: Is that Duncan? Homer: Not anymore. Ladies, say hello to ... Marge: [reading the name printed on his flank] Furious D? Bart: He's the bad boy of racing. He's got attitude and bad- itude. So show him some latitude and you'll win his gratitude. Only in America! Lisa: Ew, you used my bracelet for a nose ring. Homer: [mystical] Possessions are fleeting. -- How Zen, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Furious D makes his debut at Springfield Downs, and his half-savage % appearance (and Bart's "get bent") horrify an aristocratic couple. % % At the betting windows, Marge tries to bet that all the horses will % have a fun time. The impatient clerk directs her to the "Wuss Bets" % window. % % The other jockeys aren't impressed with Furious D, and mock him in % the starting gate. Bart encourages him, and Dun -- er, Furious D % looks ready to win. The race begins. % % In the stands ... Marge: Okay, Lisa, I've got Furious D across the board, boxed with the three and the eight and wheeled up and down. Lisa: Mom, I think you might be developing a gambling problem. CBG: [pops into frame] Hey, I'm watching you. -- Like a fat Big Brother, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Furious D is running a good race, quickly catching up to the pack. % He bumps into the other racers, and even knocks a jockey off his % horse. That's it, D -- don't let anyone push you around. Be as bad as you wanna be! -- Bart Simpson, "Saddlesore Galactica" % Furious D wins. Nelson is impressed. Nelson: Oh, man, that horse don't take no guff from nobody. Jimbo: Guff?! Nelson: I mean sh-- [Jimbo and Kearney start whaling on him before he can finish] -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % Homer is exultant over Duncan's victory, and there's more to come. % Duncan is so far ahead in one race he crosses the line backwards and % taunts the other horses. In another contest, he whirls around and % stares the other horses down until they meekly go back to the % starting gate. Even when he loses, he wins. After one race, he % butts the winning horse out of the winners' circle. Not knowing % what else to do, the judges give the winning wreath to Duncan. % % Homer is still basking in the glory of having more trophies than % hockey great Wayne Gretsky and religion great the Pope, when one of % the jockeys invites him into the jockeys' lounge for a beer. When % he steps inside, there's nobody around. A door opens, and a jockey % grabs Homer by the ankles and drags him to a chute. Homer tumbles % down and lands in a storybook garden, assuming the story was written % by Stephen King. Homer: Hey, what is this place? Jockey 1: Welcome to the secret land of the jockeys. [elfin laughter emanates from all around the forest] Homer: Why are you talking like that. Jockey 2: These are our real voices. [lowers pitch of voice] We only talk like this on your surface world. Homer: But you're respected athletes. You own car dealerships and marry beauty queens. Jockey 1: All a lie. What woman would marry us? We're freaks. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % Clearly, it's time for a song. Jockeys: We are the jockeys, jockeys are we. We live underground in a fiberglass tree. [camera pans up a tree. Jockeys pop through windows in the tree, like the Keebler(tm) elves. Jockey 3: 'Tween earth and Hell, we reign supreme. Jockey 4: On toadstools grown by a chocolate stream. Jockey 5: But all is not well in Jockey Town. Jockey 6: Your renegade horse is making us frown. Homer: But what do you want me to do? Jockey 1: Your horse must lose. Homer: My horse must lose? Jockey 1: No win. Jockey 2: No show. Jockey 3: No place. Jockey 4: Just lose the stinking race. Homer: And what if I refuse to lose? Jockey 1: We'll eat your brain! Homer: My horse must lo-o-o-o-o-se! -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % Satisfied with Homer's pledge, the jockeys kick Homer down a pipe, % which sends him to the surface world. He wonders if he had just % dreamed the whole thing, but one of the jockeys confirms that it was % real. % % That night, Homer tries to convince Bart to lose, but the boy isn't % buying it. Homer had taught him that winning was everything, and % besides, Duncan live out his days as a stud if he wins. Homer % steels his nerve to win. He'll deal with the murderous trolls when % the time comes. % % And the time comes soon enough, at the Springfield Derby, the fifth % and penultimate race in the Triple Crown. Bart and Duncan take the % lead early, and the jockeys retaliate by whipping Bart. Announcer: What a shameful display by these tiny hotheads! Let's try to remember the good little people, like James Madison, or Oscar winner Linda Hunt. [Duncan fights back, grabbing a riding stick and striking the jockeys. He flings another jockey off his horse and onto the track] Could it be? In a bizarre twist, a horse is abusing a jockey! Might this be the start of a terrifying Planet of the Horses? In this announcer's opinion, almost certainly yes. And away I go! [runs out of the booth. We hear car tires screeching] -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % Homer tells Bart to "do it for the normals," and he does, with % Duncan winning the race. He accepts his trophy in the winners' % circle. Homer: I can't stress enough how easy it was to win this prestigious race. And furthermore ... [sees two jockeys aiming a cannon at him, and lighting the fuse] [quickly] Hollywood is leading our kids down a moral sewer gotta go! [hops on Duncan, with Bart, and rides away] -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % The cannonball hits the spot that Homer just vacated and explodes % with a flash and a cloud of smoke. Homer, Bart, and Duncan ride % away from the track at top speed, and an army of jockeys on % horseback gives chase. Brandishing swords, it's clear that they % intend to teach Homer that jockeys are not to be trifled with. % Homer rides past Flanders. Ned offers his help, but Homer politely % declines. He has a plan -- as they ride past their house, Marge and % Lisa spring out from behind a fence. With a hose and a Super % Soaker(tm), they knock the jockeys off their mounts. As they lay % twitching on the ground, Homer calls for a trash bag. % % Later, at the curb, a wriggling trash bag of jockeys awaits the % garbage truck. The jockeys try to bribe their way out ("We'll give % you gold!"), but Homer's inside the house with Bart and Duncan, % looking at photos of stud farm prospects. The doorbell rings, and % Marge answers it. Marge: President Clinton? Clinton: Yeah, hi. I'm here to see Lisa Simpson. Lisa: [gasps] You read my letter? Clinton: Much of it, yeah. And those glow sticks were wrong, very wrong, so I personally overturned the results of that band contest. Congratulations. [hands Lisa a plaque] Lisa: [gasps] Thank you, Mr. President. Clinton: No, thank you, Lisa, for teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true. Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson. Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president. -- "Saddlesore Galactica" % Iris out on the Prez as "Hail to the Chief" plays. % % [End of Act Three. Time: 20:14] % % When the Gracie logo appears, Comic Book Guy proclaims ... CBG: Worst episode ever! -- "Saddlesore Galactica" ============================================================================== > Contributors ============================================================================== {al} Andrew Levine {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {cbg} Comic Book Guy {cg} Curtis Gibby {cj} Carl Johnson {cp} Chris Palm {ddg} Don Del Grande {dh} Dean Humphries {dj} Darrel Jones {dld} Daniel L. Dreibelbis {do} Doris Ostendorf {dp} Damian Penny {hl} Haynes Lee {jg2} Joe Green {jk} Joe Klemm {jp} Jerry P. {jr} James Reisdorf {mm} Michael Morbius {pm} Patrick McGovern {reg} Richard E. Green {sb} Sam Bell {tf} Ted Frank {th} Tony Hill {tpl} T. P. Liang ============================================================================== > Legal Mumbo Jumbo ============================================================================== This episode capsule is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer (capsules@snpp.com). All quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The Quote and Scene Summary itself is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson. This capsule has been brought to you by Springfield Downs. This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.