Grift of the Magi Written by Tom Martin Directed by Matthew Nastuk ============================================================================== Production code: BABF07 Original Airdate on FOX: 19-Dec-1999 Capsule revision A (20-May-01) ============================================================================== > "TV Guide" Synopsis ============================================================================== [TV Guide] Close-up recommends this weeks episode BABF07 "Grift of the Magi". "Tim Robbins and Gary Coleman provide guest voices in a riotous episode (for there is a riot) spoofing the annual 'must have' Christmas toy. When construction costs owed to Fat Tony (Joe Mantegna) bankrupt Springfield Elementary, a private company called the Child Development Group takes over. Its leader, Jim Hope (Robbins) promises a curriculum of 'less 'ick' and more 'yum'', but his real hope is to mine the kids' minds for ideas to create the perfect toy. When Lisa realizes the truth, she and Bart sneak past a security guard (Coleman) and obtain a sample product, a doll that seems to do everything -- and that includes destroying the other toys." [TV Guide Canada] Bart, Lisa and their pals help a toy magnate (Tim Robbins) create the ultimate plaything for the Christmas season Gary Coleman and Joe Mantegna also guest-voice. {hl} ============================================================================== > Title sequence ============================================================================== Blackboard: I WILL NOT SELL MY / KIDNEY ON eBay I WILL NOT SELL MY / KIDNEY ON e at cutoff Couch: A fireman's pole stands next to the couch, along with the customary hole in the ceiling. One by one, the family members slide down the pole and run their spot on the couch, except Homer. He gets stuck in the ceiling hole, his legs waggling helplessly in mid-air. ============================================================================== > Did You Notice... ============================================================================== Matthew Anscher: ... when in drag, Bart was wearing a Farrah Fawcett-style wig, and Milhouse was wearing the black bouffant wig from "Homer's Phobia"? ... Ned Flanders apparently no longer uses his RV? ... in "The Nice Man Giveth," Bart pronounced hospital as if it were spelled "hopsital"? ... while his parents don't let him play with anything remotely sharp, the school let Ralph Wiggum use a saw for the play? ... Bart is seen to be as tall as Gary Coleman, therefore measuring 4'8"? Kay Carina: ... this is the first time we see Burns in a long time? ... Gary Coleman is taller than Lisa? ... Bart says "Peace out" (someone's catchphrase on ATS)? [Well, I'm sure it's more common than that -- Ed.] Don Del Grande: ... when Bart says "butt-bone" (in the scene before the ramps collapse), he does a Bart twitch? ... they don't explain how someone with a butt cast goes to the bathroom? [Ryan, or maybe Amy, Kearns writes, "Ah, recall the 'viewing window'?"] ... Sherri and Terri bring different toys, and wave different hands in class (one left, one right)? ... Funzo does a Nelson laugh? ... they manage to sneak in two Christmas carols? (Most Christmas episodes of most shows have a Christmas carol in them, if for no other reason than to show off somebody in the cast singing) Ben Fonter: ... Kirk Van Houten sits alone on the couch, while Luann Van Houten chats it up with Mr. Largo? Joe Green: ... the Mexican flag in the "¿Donde Esta Justice?" court? ... Homer knows what "semantics" means? Richard E. Green: ... Helen (yay!), Maude and Luanne all made appearances, even though their voice actress is now gone? Darrel Jones: ... the radiation news story serves as a convenient excuse as to why there is no snow during most of this Christmas episode, unlike past Christmas eps? ... Sheri and Terri are present at the wheelchair-ramp's inaugural ceremony? ... although Bart claims he won't do his homework assignment, he brings a Krusty doll to school anyway? ... "Haw Haw" is written on the clipboard? Joe Klemm: ... Chief Wiggum allows Ralph to use a walkie-talkie near water? Andrew Levine: ... Lindsey Naegle is back, with the same name? ... the bread-shoes look like Wonder Bread wraps? ... Jim Hope really looks like Tim Robbins? ... Nelson is winding the jack-in-the-box backwards? ... the power-plant towers are featured quite prominently in the play that the students use to win money from Mr. Burns? John Plasket: ... Skinner doesn't say that they're compliant, but that they're "closer than ever before?" ... Skinner makes a millennium reference? ... Mr. Burns's trapdoor seems to defy dimensions? ... the Kid First guy initially seems to come off as a Mr. Bergstrom [see 7F19] clone? ... Bart, when talking about the new school system, makes several grammatical and pronunciation errors? ... Chief Wiggum's second attempt at an Ed Sullivan impression is actually pretty good? ... the woman working at Kid First, a children's toy company, says "damn" in front of Bart and Lisa? ... Bart doesn't seem to know what a European voltage converter is? ... Homer might have said something intelligent under the narrator? Tom Rinschler: ... Fat Tony walks out from behind a VERY narrow tree? ... Lunch Lady Doris among the group in front of the school as it is closed down? Benjamin Robinson: ... Milhouse covers his "breast area" when Homer comes into the bedroom? ... when Skinner introduces Bart to the crowd at the ramp dedication, Homer says something like, "I'm proud of you, boy!" ... Nelson tires of holding up the pot? ============================================================================== > Voice Credits ============================================================================== - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Krusty) - Julie Kavner (Marge) - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Ralph, Girl, Boy) - Yeardley Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Moe, Court show announcer, Defendant, Judge (Bumblebee Man), Chief Wiggum, Carl) - Harry Shearer (Kent Brockman, Hibbert, Skinner, Ned, Burns, Smithers, Phil, Announcer, Lenny) - Special Guest Voice - Clarence Clemons (Narrator) - Gary Coleman (Himself) - Joe Mantegna (Fat Tony) - Tim Robbins (Jim Hope) - Marcia Wallace (Extra in crowd [?]) - Also Starring - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse) - Tress MacNeille (Plaintiff, Lindsay, Teacher) - Russi Taylor (Sherri, Terri, Martin) - Karl Wiedergott (Extra in crowd [?]) ============================================================================== > Movie (and other) references ============================================================================== + "Gift of The Magi" (short story) - the title's a spoof of this O. Henry story, natch + eBay kidney hoax - Bart is one of the perpetrators [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] - Exxon Valdez (oil tanker) {bjr} - "Valdezo Olive Oil Company" a spoof of this tanker, which was at the center of a disastrous oil spill in Alaska + "Chutes and Ladders" (board game) {tr} - while under construction, the scaffolding and the ramps surrounding the school are reminiscent of this game + "The Iceman Cometh" (play) - "The Niceman Cometh" has title obviously similar title to the play by Eugene O'Neill - "The Ren and Stimpy Show" (TV series) {jk} - Dr. Stupid + "Judge Judy" and other "courtroom" shows {tr} - the Spanish courtroom show is a version of this recently popular television phenomenon + Attila the Hun (ancient warlord) {bjr} - Lisa suggests "Attila the Fun" as a toy name - "Batteries Not Included" (movie) {al} - the first Funzo we see looks like one robot from this movie - "The Omen" (movie) {asw} - a priest was impaled by a weather vane in this film + Furby (line of toys) - as John Plasket puts it, "Funzo has the mannerisms, voice, and face of the adorable hellspawns" - "Tickle Me Elmo" (fad toy) {bjr} - Funzo phenomenon similar to Elmo fad, too + "Kazaam!" (movie) {tr} - an NBA player as a genie on Krusty's show is similar to Shaquille O'Neill as a genie in this movie - "Gremlins" (movie) {hl} - cute furry critters suddenly turn destructive - "Small Soldiers" (movie) {jk} - toys programmed to destroy other toys + Microsoft (software company) {bjr} - Kid First Inc. likened to competition-crushing software maker + "Diff'rent Strokes" (TV series) - Gary Coleman frequently paraphrases his "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" catchphrase + "Webster" (TV series) - Coleman dismisses this sitcom as a rip-off of his "Diff'rent Strokes" + "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (children's story and cartoon) {al} - Homer does pretty much the same thing - "Tiny Bubbles" (song) {tdm} - Homer sings "Burning Funzo" at the tire fire to the tune of this song by Don Ho + "The Terminator" (movie) - bare skeleton of doll reminiscent of skull of Terminator robot - way doll pops up after being thought destroyed similar, too - Gary Coleman's attack on a heckling fan {ma} - his destruction of the burnt Funzo was reminiscent of this incident from 1998 + "A Christmas Carol" (movie) - all TV series with Christmas specials required to eventually parody Scrooge's visit by three ghosts - Gary Coleman's closing quote similar to Tiny Tim's line "God bless us all, every one!" at the end of the story {dj} + "It's A Wonderful Life" (movie) - in another traditional Christmas parody, Moe sees what life would be like if he'd never been born - the revelation prevents him from killing himself ============================================================================== > Previous episode references ============================================================================== - Burns Releasing the Hounds (tm) {hl} - [7G04] Burns warns company picnic to clear out because the hounds are going to released in 10 minutes - [7F07] Burns releases hounds on Bart when he tries to steal pie from window sill - [7F10] Burns asks Smithers to release hounds on Homer and Marge when he decides to reject their settlement - [8F17] Burns releases hounds on Bart when Smithers reports a sweet little boy is ringing the doorbell - [8F17] Burns releases hounds on Flanders when he solicits him about recycling - [1F02] Burns has hound chained to his chair at Springfield College - [3F10] Homer gets mauled by the hounds when he takes back the bowling trophy Burns kept for himself - [3F31] Burns releases Richard Simmons robot on Homer (outtake from [1F16]) - [4F10] Burns has a "mad dog drill" button on his emergency console - [4F16] Burns and Smithers seen walking hound in park (without incident) - [5F14] Burns presses "hounds" button without incident - [7G08] Homer dresses as Santa {kc} - [7G09], [2F22] Flanders' RV {hl} - [7G12] Burning toys {kc} - [9F08] "Webster" is referenced {jg} - [9F20] Bart is seen in a dress {dj} - [1F04] Caroling heard at end of "Bart Simpson's Dracula" {sm} - [1F11] Lisa says, "I'll be in my room" {dj} - [2F01] Robots go on a killing rampage {kc} - [2F02] The burning tire dump {jg} - [2F11] "Que Sera Sera" cut short (cf. Abrupt endings of carols) {jp} - [2F19] School closes due to a low budget {kc} - [2F19] Springfield Elementary goes broke and enters a joint venture to survive {jg} - [3F07] Krusty does a holiday special {jg} - [3F07] Try-N-Save {jg} - [3F07] Caroling heard on "A Krusty Kind of Kristmas" {ah} - [3F11] Last appearance of the Bumblebee Guy show {dj} - [3G02], [4F01] Is Milhouse gay? {kc} - [4F01] Someone sings "Joy to the World" (but with the real lyrics this time) {kc} - [4F11] Homer catches Bart cross-dressing {jg} - [4F11] Is Bart gay? {kc} - [4F11] The black wig Milhouse wears seen - [4F12] The children's focus group {jp} - [AABF05] Springfield Elementary gets mixed up with Fat Tony {jg} - [AABF05] Ramadan mentioned {bjr} - [AABF07] Lame Simpson family games {dj} - [AABF11] Moe wears makeshift clothing (i.e., the rope belt) {bjr} - [AABF21] Character turns to speak to the audience {bjr} ============================================================================== > Freeze frame fun ============================================================================== - New sign at the school {bjr} SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL A Division Of Kid First Incorporated - Kids' wish list for new toys {bjr} Soft and Cuddly Lots of Firepower Telescopes Periscopes Microscopes Surprises Dancing Haw Haw Attila the Fun - Kid First HQ sign {bjr} KID FIRST INDUSTRIES SECRET HEADQUARTERS [bottom row is in blinking red letters] ============================================================================== > Animation, continuity, and other goofs ============================================================================== c The captioning for Milhouse's ozone-hole-induced shouting, says "Let me in, for the love of God," but the final word is cut in the final version. {jp} * Why would there be such tiny dresses in Marge's closet? {ss} * And why the hell did she have two ostentatious wigs? {rs} + In spite of what happened in "Homer's Phobia", Homer is still horrified by thought of Bart being gay. {jg} - Maggie's bow was red in one shot. {jk} + I wouldn't say Flanders *never* uses his motor home -- he used it in "Lemon of Troy (2F22)." {bjr} c Homer's list originally included "The Red Cross," but it has been changed to "Feed the Children" in the final version. {jp} - Bart says that he's not bringing his assignment (his favorite toy) into class, but in the classroom shot, he has a toy. {jp} * Was there really much point in stealing Funzos after they were bought? Kid First gets to keep their obscene profits, and many of the victims will no doubt buy replacement Funzos. {bjr} * When Gary attacked the Funzo in the tire fire, the tires he landed on were both rather hard and not hot. {ddg} = In the Christmas dinner scene, Maggie isn't wearing her bow until everyone wishes Moe a merry Christmas. {ddg} ============================================================================== > Reviews ============================================================================== Nate Birch: A pretty darned good episode, the first act was great, and started events rolling for the second act in classic Simpsons tradition. I liked that this episode dealt with a contemporary issue as well. The best thing about this episode though was that it was damned funny, the only complaint I would have would be the rather odd ending, and I think the episode could have done without Gary Coleman too. The animation was decent if not amazing. (A) Kay Carina: This is the best episode of the 11th season yet, and by far, the best Christmas special. The play for Mr. Burns was hilarious, and Nelson trying to open the jack-in-the-box and Funzo destroying the Krusty doll had me LOL! Even Homer didn't act too much like a jerk. (A) Nathan DeHoff: Certainly different in spirit from the other three Christmas specials, this one focused on wacky gags, without really even attempting sentiment. Still, I think it worked. I don't mind wackiness as long as it's not completely awkward (in fact, I rather like it at times), and this episode flowed pretty well. Sure, the premises were somewhat ridiculous, but they were carried through fairly well, and there were some very clever moments. [...] The ending was also well-done, with some nice parodies, as well as closure to the school's funding problem. I'm sure other people found plenty of problems with it, and some of them might be quite valid criticisms, but I liked it. (A) Don Del Grande: The first two-thirds rate A-minus, but the "hey, let's save everybody's Christmas" ending was just too trite, especially after the "let's take everything from the Simpson house" ending of "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace" (ironically, the ending was probably the best part of that one). (B) Joe Green: A good episode centered on the kids for a change, with some really good jokes (like Nelson being "challenged" by the jack-in-the box). Not great ... but unlike a lot of OFF episodes these days, it wasn't awful either. (B) Richard E. Green: Bah ... they just don't make Simpsons Christmas episodes like they used to ... this one left more loose ends than the one from two years ago (NOW what happens to the school ... I'm gonna assume that Skinner will be in control of it again next week, but how? And what about all those families who find that their children's toys were stolen?) That ending didn't seem to work either ... although the Mr. Burns as Scrooge and the Simpsons as the Cratchets proves again that some certain people are still reading a.t.s. Still, there were a couple of funny lines. Best part: the pencil sharpener. (C) Carl Johnson: This the second best Christmas special is also the funniest, with a great segment involving Mr. Burns early in act two. The writing was sharp, the story was perfect, Homer didn't even steal the spotlight the way he has been wont to do lately. The ending was heartwarming and amusing at the same time, something that hasn't been done in awhile. I think that a good little girl or boy must have written Santa Claus a letter asking for a good episode of the Simpsons, a boy or girl so good that Santa gave him or her the gift almost a week early. Merry Christmas, Simpsons writers. And congratulations on your tenth anniversary as a prime-time animated sitcom. (A-) Darrel Jones: Man, this was an excellent episode! Easily the best Christmas ep so far. Chock full of good laughs. Not so much sentimental stuff, but that's no problem. Gary Coleman's pint-sized cameo was well-done, too. 9/10 (A) Joe Klemm: Finally, a good Xmas episode of the Simpsons that can compete with the first episode of the show. The writers wisely used Gary Coleman's talents in the story, and the plot was better than the other two episodes. (A) Andrew Levine: This episode, despite some horribly missed opportunities for gags (How much funnier would it have been if Coleman had gone to Clooney's party?) and some gags that didn't work out (We didn't need Lisa reminding us of the pronunciation of "irony"!), didn't take any really far-out turns of plot as has been the custom of late, and we ended up with some of the most subversive satire since "Homer vs. the 18th Amendment." (I hope I wasn't the only one to get the joke that in putting on the "Niceman Cometh" play, the school was getting money through underhanded means not unlike the toy company's.) The episode took a turn for the predictable in Act 3, which was unfortunate given a briskly paced first act. (B) Patrick McGovern: A fantastic, cruel, and cold episode with nearly no missed gags, references, or opportunities. It just falls a bit short thanks to its unending harsh nature and coldness: It's a bit too cynical to truly connect. Still, don't pass this one up -- it's a riot. (A-) John Plasket: Just as the Simpsons have become known for its Treehouse of Horror series of Halloween specials, it has recently become a tradition for the show to produce a yearly Christmas show. They all seemed to teach us a lesson. "Roasting" showed us that happiness can be found for free at a racetrack, "Proud" taught the ills of shoplifting and the perils of growing up, and "Miracle" envisioned the evils of opening presents early. What the hell is the lesson here? Don't order a handicapped ramp from the Mafia? Hiring Gary Coleman is potentially dangerous? The only thing close to a lesson is "don't take advantage of children," but it doesn't seem to show that well either. Although, there were many good things about it, and they seem to outnumber the bad, so for now, Simpsons writers, I'll forgive 'oo. (B) Abhi Ray: After a promising start, it looks like this season is already going down the tubes. Grift of the Magi was full of satire, but satire that was misguided and obvious. The idea of a sinister toy company never quite clicked with me, especially when it did things that toy companies probably never do in reality. Not very funny, and not very interesting. FWIW though, the ending is really well done and saves this episode. (C+) Tom Rinschler: Not too bad, having its share of very funny moments (The play in Burns' home was a classic!). The plot was a bit odd, as the setup for the setup took some time to develop. :) For the first 1 1/2 acts I thought they had put the wrong episode on the air, as it didn't resemble either a Christmas story or any of the promos I had seen! However, the plot proceeded logically (for the Simpsons!) and didn't go off on odd tangents. Only the ending seemed a bit strained. (B+) Eric Sansoni: The weakest of all the Christmas episodes, this is a tepid and forgettable, if inoffensive entry that ranges from the conventional (pre-commercial cliffhangers without irony) to the derivative (evil children's entertainment companies with their evil robots and see-through mirrors, deep-voiced rushed concluding narration), and doesn't provide one real laugh. All the characters seem more or less likable and familiar, but their adventures are watered down. Gary Coleman's cameo would have been better if he didn't pointlessly come back at the end. Also, the writers should realize that satire loses its bite when you accuse the establishment of doing things that have never happened and make no sense. (C+) Yours Truly: Although nominally a Christmas special, this episode is really a pointed political satire of two convergent trends: The commercialization of both our schools and our holidays. The first half, where a corporation covertly uses the children to design a new toy, is a little better than the second, which has to juggle adding the holiday theme, wrapping up the show, and introducing the much-hyped appearance by Gary Coleman. His appearance was funny (and shows he's a good sport). Tim Robbins, Clarence Clemons, and Joe Mantegna also contribute good guest performances. On the while, the writers should have concentrated on the school-commercialization issue, leaving fad toys for another episode. As it is, this show might not be as hot as old Funzo, but I don't think I'll take it back to exchange it for something else. (B) AVERAGE GRADE: B (3.14) Std Dev.: 0.7051 (19 reviews computed) ============================================================================== > Comments and other observations ============================================================================== >> Musical Reference Joe Green: Bart and Milhouse sing "Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves" while jumping on the bed. [{ddg} notes that the song also appears on the Simpsons' own "The Yellow Album."] >> "I will not sell my kidney on eBay." First, some background provide by Joe Klemm: Originally made for buying and selling Pez Dispensers, eBay has become the main online auction page. People either sell items online or bid on items that they want. The winning bidder then snail mails the winning bid (plus S&H) to the seller, who then send the winner his or her prize. Obviously, eBay has led to people getting major fortune And now, Andrew Levine explains Bart's blackboard punishment: The reference in Bart's blackboard gag is to a person from Sunrise, Florida who, in late August 1999, offered up a human kidney for sale on the online auction house eBay.com. The initial asking price was $25,000; the bidding reached $5.7 million dollars in one week before eBay pulled the bid, claiming that the rules of the auction house forbade the sale of human organs (besides the fact that selling human organs violates federal law), and claiming the kidney sale was "obviously a joke." Benjy Shyovitz adds: I would like to add that people have also tried to sell other bodily stuff, such as one guy who sold urine to help people pass drug tests. Sick. >> Also known as the Ramp-O-Rama Act Benjamin Robinson: People who don't use wheelchairs often overlook how difficult it can be to get around in one. For instance, the first floor of my apartment building is *one* step above ground level. Yet, even this tiny obstacle can bar access to anyone in a wheelchair. Sympathizing with the plight of handicapped people, Congress passed the Americans with Disabilities Act (later than 1975, though -- it was either passed or heavily revamped in the 90s). As is often the case with noble government programs, living up to the promise is far more difficult than anyone expected. Not only do obvious things like ramps have to be installed, but doorways must be widened, and floor plans rearranged for easier mobility. Even the doorknob has to be rethought. The standard round knob, for instance, cannot be turned by someone with limited hand motion. All these changes are expensive, even if you don't hire Fat Tony's construction goons. The ADA, being a national law, is not flexible enough to deal with individual building quirks. One news organization notes that a post office had to build a ramp to its front door. Before the ramp, wheelchair users had to go in the back, violating an ADA rule that says everyone has to be able to go through the front entrance. (Handicapped people complained that being shunted to the back made them feel like second-class citizens.) After the ramp was installed, wheelchair users continued to go in the back way. The expensive ramp in front made too sharp a turn, so it was easier just to do things the way they had always been done. Given this, it's no wonder Skinner has been dragging his feet on bringing Springfield Elementary up to code. >> They're Venn-tastic! Benjamin Robinson explains: You might remember Venn diagrams from grade school. The teacher would draw a circle, representing all the people who, say, owned BMWs. Then, the teacher would draw another circle, representing the set of people who knew enough to turn their fog lights off when it wasn't foggy. The two circles would intersect, looking a little like the MasterCard logo. The oval area covered by both circles represented the set of BMW owners who didn't blind you with their fog lights on a clear day. If the two circles didn't cross, it would mean that neither group had any common traits, so BMW could save a ton of money on fog light switches. I remember Venn diagrams being taught in fourth grade, meaning that second- grader Lisa is once again studying above her grade level. >> Wishing you a pleasant non-denominational holiday experience, Pt. 1 Benjamin Robinson writes: The guest roster of Krusty's special included the following people. Téa Leoni -- When she debuted on Fox's "Flying Blind", critics predicted Leoni would be a breakout comic star. We're still waiting, as Leoni has instead gone on to be featured in non-starters like "The Naked Truth." Beck -- Eclectic musical artist, who records a lot of intensely sample- heavy songs. Hit it real big recently with the album "Odelay," and had some follow-up albums do okay if not spectacular business. [{sm} adds, "He has had one follow album, and it is very recent, and it is far too early to say how successful it is."] Dixie Chicks -- Country trio. That's about all I know of them. Patrick Ewing -- Famous basketball player. >> Wishing you a pleasant non-denominational holiday experience, Pt. Benjamin Robinson, again: Krusty mentioned several holidays at the end of his special. Christmas -- Celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, who is obviously the focal point of the whole religion. But you probably already knew that. Hanukkah -- Celebrates two things. First, the miraculous victory of Jewish guerilla forces over the Greco-Syrians. Second, the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem, when one day's supply of oil for the Temple menorah lasted the eight days needed to prepare new oil. Kwanzaa -- Holiday celebrating African culture and values. Each day, a candle representing a different value (like "community" or "self- determination") is lit, and educational toys are given to the children. Tet -- Vietnamese New Year, and the major holiday on their calendar. It combines solemn and joyous aspects. In America, associated with the notorious "Tet Offensive" in the Vietnam War. Ramadan -- Muslim holiday. Don't hold me to this, but I think it has something to do the month leading up to Mohammed's receipt of the Koran from Allah. As Krusty mentions, Ramadan is a solemn holiday; observers must fast between sunrise and sunset. Krusty, despite being nominally Jewish, acts like a Mammon-worshipper. >> Without Furby, you're nothing! Joe Klemm: Last year, the hottest toy for the Christmas season was Furby. Resembling Gizmo from the film Gremlins, Furby was a talking toy that communicated with humans It has a mast [?] amount of vocabulary in both English and Furbish, and comes in different colors and sizes. John Plasket adds: When Furby was introduced, Warner Bros. and/or Amblin Entertainment sued Tiger Electronics because it looked too much like the character Gizmo, from "Gremlins." It was announced that a new "facelifted" Furby was to be introduced. When I saw it, I didn't notice much of a difference, if any. It probably had something to do with the fact that a couple of months ago, I saw Tiger selling Gizmo as one of "Furby's Friends." Well, money talks, I guess. >> He'd find more work if he wasn't a few prawns short of a galaxy. John Jensen notes: What made the Gary Coleman appearance semi-funny was that in real life, he *IS* a security guard. He made news a few months ago for some kind of dispute, but he hasn't acted since God knows when. [DJ Maniak points out he's been on "Shasta McNasty," although that's not much of an improvement over staying home -- Ed.] So to make fun of himself like that was quite commendable. >> "The Biggest Ripoff Since ..." Matthew Anscher explains: "Webster" The ABC-TV series, starring 3'4" Emmanuel Lewis as a black orphan adopted by a white couple with no experience raising children, was similar in so many ways to Coleman's "Diff'rent Strokes" on NBC, that critics (and some "Strokes" fans) cried "rip-off," and TV critics, who are never impartial when it comes to "kid-coms," accused it of being too saccharine (few of them liked "Strokes" to begin with). Some even went as far as to accuse both shows of being racist, for allegedly insinuating that all blacks needed white people to come to their aid. Nonetheless, the series got a 17.2 Nielsen rating in its first season (1983-84), putting it in a tie for 25th place with the CBS Tuesday Movie, "Alice," "Knight Rider," and "Hardcastle and McCormick." It ran until 1987 on ABC, then its producer, Paramount, produced 2 more years worth of episodes to pad out its syndication package. The series has aired on 2 cable networks (USA and WGN) in recent years. Two fans of the series are eccentric pop star Michael Jackson, who took Lewis to the Grammy awards with Brooke Shields in 1984, and Simpsons neighbor Ned Flanders, who wore an "I Love Webster" shirt, bearing his likeness, as he welcomed OFF to Evergreen Terrace in "Lisa's First Word." >> Miscellaneous, Etc. The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is: Xmas Tree of Horror IV Wilson Banswell reports: "Grift of the Magi" received a 7.7 rating (12 share) for its December 19 airing. Don Del Grande wonders: So what happens when everybody wakes up and finds out their Funzo dolls are gone -- and they just HAPPENED to be visited by the Simpsons the night before? Benjamin Robinson: The "coccyx" is the medical name for your tailbone. Really. ============================================================================== > Quotes and Scene Summary {jp2} ============================================================================== % Bart and Lisa watch Kent Brockman report on the ozone hole that has moved % from Brazil to Springfield for the winter. Residents are advised to stay inside unless you wear sunscreen or are very, very hairy. Experts recommend a class 9, or Robin Williams, level of hair coverage. -- Kent Brockman, "Grift of the Magi" % Just then, Bart and Lisa hear Milhouse yelling outside. They go to the % window and see a bright beam of light chasing him. He pounds on the door % until they let him in. Lisa asks Milhouse if he's okay. Although his % vision is greatly impaired, he calmly states that he's been better. % % Later Bart and Milhouse lie around, not knowing what to do. Bart: Oh, I am *so* bored! Milhouse: Oh, I can't wait 'til we're teenagers; then we'll be happy. Lisa: [looking in the closet] Well, we could play Clam Traffic Jam or The Game of County Seats. [opens box] Aw, the zoning disk is warped! Bart: [walks to closet] Alright! Silly String! [sprays glasses and eyebrows on Lisa] Look, you're Milhouse! Milhouse: Who wets their bed now, Milhouse? [chuckles] Lisa: Ugh, I'll be in my room. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Milhouse and Bart inspect the closets in Homer and Marge's bedroom looking % for something to do. When Milhouse finds a box of wigs, he suggests they % dress up like ladies. Bart hesitantly responds, "Wouldn't that make us kind % of fruity?" Milhouse, donning a wig and bra, calls Bart afraid. Not one to % take an insult, Bart puts on a dress and is impressed with how well it hides % his thighs. % % Soon, Bart and Milhouse are fully dressed as women and are jumping on Bart's % parents' bed. Homer tries to come in and is surprised to find the door % locked. Startled, Bart falls off the bed and his rear lands on a bowling % ball. Then, Homer gets the door open. Homer: What's going on?! [threateningly] And I want a non-gay explanation! Milhouse: Uh ... we're drunk. Really drunk. Homer: Oh, thank God. [Bart groans in pain] -- "Grift of the Magi" % At the hospital, Bart is closely monitored as Dr. Hibbert defibrillates % Bart's buttocks. Marge: Why are you doing that? Hibbert: Oh, it's good for the batteries. Now, I'm afraid your son has cracked his coccyx. [Lisa, Marge, and Homer laugh] Marge: Sorry. How long will he take to recover? Hibbert: He'll have to wear this fanny cast for quite some time [he slides it on], but don't worry, son, it fits snugly under your clothes. [pulls down a chart showing a boy wearing cast. His butt bulges out by a good twelve inches] Bart: Do all these people have to watch me? [Several people are watching through a window] Hibbert: Now, son, this is a teaching hospital, which is why I equipped the seat of your cast with a viewing window. [he opens the view window and the people murmur] -- "Grift of the Magi" % At school, Bart has trouble getting up the front stairs in his wheelchair % and winds up tipping over. Lisa comes over to help. Skinner: Bart, stop fooling around. Lisa: Principal Skinner, I thought public schools were required to have access ramps for the disabled. Skinner: Technically, yes, but the building costs would be astronomical. Fat Tony: [emerges from behind a tree] Did I hear the word "astronomical"? If so, my construction outfit "Valdezzo Brothers Olive Oil" is poised to help. Skinner: No, no, no, no. We're not building anything. Fat Tony: How can you say that when construction has already begun? [construction workers arrive and start massive construction] Skinner: How did those trucks get here so fast?! Fat Tony: In order to avoid certain legal complications, the trucks are always rolling. Now for the groundbreaking ceremony. [Fat Tony and Principal Skinner hold a golden shovel for a picture] -- "Grift of the Magi" % After much more construction, complicated cloverleaves of ramps are built % all around the school building. Principal Skinner talks to Fat Tony. Skinner: Good Lord! Do we really need all those ramps?! Fat Tony: Who's to say? Does a peacock need all those feathers? Skinner: Look, you're getting a little philosophical for me. Fat Tony: I suppose so. They say it happens in the autumn years. Skinner: [leaning against a car] Well, be that as it may-- Fat Tony: Get your hand off my car. [Skinner promptly does] -- "Grift of the Magi" % Finally, it's time for the grand opening of the ramps. Skinner addresses % the townspeople who have gathered to witness it. Skinner: This is a proud day. Now when people ask if we're in compliance the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1975, I can say, we are closer than ever before! [Crowd cheers] Thank you! To inaugurate our ramp system, here's the first of what I hope will be many disabled students, Bart Simpson! [The crowd cheers again as Bart *walks* to the front] What the...? Bart, where's your wheelchair?! Bart: Don't need it anymore. Doctor says my butt bone's stronger than ever! [repeatedly rams his butt into the sidewalk] Ta-da! [scattered applause] Skinner: Well, at least we're prepared for the new millennium! [pats a ramp, causing the entire system to crumble to the ground; picks up some rubble] My God, the whole thing's made of breadsticks! [Seagulls start eating the remains of the ramps] Fat Tony: And paint and shellac. It's all itemized in this bill. [hands Skinner an invoice on which is written "Two Hundred G's Thank You! Tony :)"] Skinner: $200,000?! Are you mad?! Fat Tony: I don't get mad; I get stabby. [Legs and Louie nod, Skinner grumbles] -- "Grift of the Magi" % Now Skinner addresses staff and students. Skinner: The good news is, we no longer need fear viscous mob reprisal... [Fat Tony drives by with a sack o' cash; Skinner hangs a "closed" sign on the door] ...but due to lack of funds, Springfield Elementary is closed forever. [students cheer] Oh, you're cheering now, but someday-- [students cheer] I'm just gonna stop trying. [students cheer] -- "Grift of the Magi" % [End of Act One. Act Time: 4:43. Running Time: 4:43] % % Springfieldians meet in {Principal Skinner's house} to discuss with him the % possible courses of action to reopen the school. Hibbert: How could you close the school? Marge: What will become of our kids? Homer: Where are the refreshments? Skinner: Now you keep asking me that, and I keep telling you "over there". [At a table some cooks prepare food] -- "Grift of the Magi" Skinner: As for the school, we are exploring various options to raise the $200,000 we need. Ned: I've got a motor home I never use; maybe we should raffle it off. Homer: [eating food] Maybe you should shut up. Ned: Well, I ... okay. [sits down] Moe: We could try selling liquor; I'm doing great! Skinner: Please, sir! Put some shoes on! Moe: What, you don't like my bags? [he's wearing bread bags for shoes] Skinner: [groan] People, these are all good ideas-- Marge: No, they're not. They're terrible, terrible ideas. Skinner: You're right. It's hopeless. No one has that kind of money. Marge: What about Mr. Burns? Maybe *he'll* help us out. Homer: [stuffing food in his pants] Forget it. He releases the hounds on every charity that comes to his door -- Feed the Children, Save the Whales, even Release the Hounds. Skinner: Well, maybe we can pry open his wallet with a slick, professional pitch. [snaps finger] A school play! -- "Grift of the Magi" % Principal Skinner and some students meet at Mr. Burns's mansion to give him % and Smithers a private screening of their new play, "The Nice Man Giveth". % First up is Nelson who is mixing soup in a bowl next to cans labeled "salt" % and "rat poison". Nelson: Hmm ... which one of these is the salt? Too bad I'm an idiot 'cause my school closed. Oh, well. [pours the poison in the pot] Burns: No!! That's the rat poison! Skinner: And, freeze! Now, who in Springfield will eat the poisoned broth? Oh-ho! It could be anyone, even Mr. Burns! Burns: This play really speaks to me. [Next, Bart drives a Mr. Burns dummy around in an ambulance] Bart: I can't take Mr. Burns to the ho'pital 'cause I'm too dumb to read a map. Oh, why did my school have to close? Burns: Hmm.... [Bart gets Mr. Burns to the hospital where Ralph, as a doctor, puts Mr. Burns on an examination table] Ralph: Hello, I'm Dr. Stupid. I'm going to take out your liver bones. [chops Mr. Burns's head off with a saw] Oops, you're dead. Burns: I never liked that Dr. Stupid. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Milhouse, Lisa, and Martin hold up signs saying "Save our school". % Principal Skinner reveals their intentions of seeking charity. Mr. Burns % presses a button on his chair which opens a large trap door on the stage. % Everyone falls through it and land in the center of the same room. Oh, it's doing that *thing* again! -- Mr. Burns, "Grift of the Magi" % Still without a school, Bart and Lisa watch "¿Dónde Está Justice?" on TV. Plaintiff: ¡El Ford Escort que me vendío es un limón! Defendant: No, no, no, no, no. No es un limón. Es un carro fuerte. Judge: Hmm, limón ... fuerte ... limón ... fuerte ... limón ... ay-yi-yi-yi-yi, ¡mi estómago! Bart: Oh, daytime TV is muy estúpido. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Bart changes the channel and finds Kent Brockman in front of Springfield % Elementary. Brockman: Springfield Elementary has reopened its doors. [Lisa and Bart gasp] I'm with Jim Hope of Kid First Industries, which has generously stepped in to educate our children. Jim Hope: That's right, Kent. You know, when public schools drop the ball, it's up to the private sector to fall on that fumble and run for the end zone. Brockman: Will you be replacing the current teachers and administrators? Jim Hope: Very much so, Kent, but they've already received and extremely generous severance package. Skinner: [in his house, holding a basket of oranges] Valencia? [scoffs] These are juice oranges! [throws them to floor] -- "Grift of the Magi" % The children of Springfield finally return to school. Jim Hope replaces % Edna Krabappel. Jim: Howdy children! I'd like to welcome you back to school! [Class boos] You know what? I agree. [Class makes shocked noises] Your old school was boring; that's why it failed, right? Well, we're not going to make you memorize facts and dates -- no, no, no -- I'm going to find out what you really love in life and teach to that. [to Bart] What are you passionate about, partner? Bart: Boogers. [Class laughs] Jim: [laughing strangely loudly] Boogers! Ha ha ha ha! That was great! You know, humor is a sign of intelligence. Bart: You're not mad? Jim: Hey, I'm here to make sure that you get a kick out education. [kicks a book] [Class cheers] Nelson: He's rekindled my love affair with books. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Back at the house, Bart destroys several books by kicking and punching them. Bart: Check it out -- I'm kicking books at a sixth-grade level. Homer: Get 'em, boy! Hit those smart-ass books! Marge: Why don't you kick some books, Lisa? Lisa: Bart broke all my books. Bart: You know what our homework is? Find a toy and bring it to class. Marge: Boy, that sounds fun! Bart: I know, but I'm still not gonna do it. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Back at the school, Jim Hope's classroom is decorated with Christmas stuff. Jim Hope: Since Christmas is coming soon, I thought we could talk about our favorite toys. Milhouse, what have you got there? Milhouse: My Busy Box! It's got everything! [turning steering wheel] Vroom! Vroom, vroom! [dialing phone] I'm calling Daddy! Jim Hope: Good for you, not being bound by the recommended age. Milhouse: What are you talking about? [reads "ages 2-4"] Oh, jeez! Jim Hope: How 'bout the rest of you? What do you like about those toys of yours? Sherri: [holding doll] They're special. Nelson: They're challenging. [cranks jack-in-the-box for a while] Jim Hope: Very good. Now I want you all to imagine the perfect toy. What would it be like? Terri: [holding stuffed animal] It should be soft and cuddly. Bart: Yeah, with lots of firepower. Milhouse: Its eyes should be telescopes! No, periscopes! No, microscopes! Can you come back to me? Nelson: It should be full of surprises. Milhouse: It should never stop dancing. Martin: It should need accessories. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Meanwhile, on the other side of the chalkboard is a small office is being % used to spy on the class. Lindsay Naegle and Phil watch through the % one-way chalkboard. Lindsay: Now, that's market research you can take to the bank -- the *money* bank. Phil: I just wish those second-graders would stop jerking us around. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Lindsay Naegle and Phil watch through another chalkboard to the class % formerly taught by Ms. Hoover. Ralph: Fun toys are fun! Teacher: Well-said, Ralph, but we're trying to come up with a name for a toy. Janey: Mrs. Fun? Teacher: Not bad. Ralph: Fun? Teacher: Ralph, there are no right or wrong answers, but if you don't pipe down, I'm giving you an F. Ralph: The before-teacher yelled at me, too. Teacher: No one's yelling; we're just brainstorming names. Lisa, any ideas? Lisa: [puts down book] Oh, a name with fun? Fungus, Funzo, Attila the Fun. Teacher: [accusing] Lisa, are you doing math?! Lisa: [nervous] Uh, just a few Venn diagrams. Ralph: There's more under her chair! -- "Grift of the Magi" % Lisa is made to stay after school to do the ol' blackboard punishment. This % time it's "I will not do math in class". Bart shows up at the classroom % door. Bart: [chuckles] Lisa's in trouble. Ha! The ironing is delicious. Lisa: The word is "irony". Bart: Huh? Lisa: Don't you think there's something weird going on here? We spent all day selecting fabric swatches, and then our guest speaker was Phil from marketing. Bart: All's I know is I'm getting straight A's, and that ain't not bad! -- "Grift of the Magi" % On the way out of the classroom, Bart switches the light off and cackles. % Lisa then notices light seeping in from the edge of the chalkboard. She % looks through the crack and sees the hidden research office. In the % hallway she finds a door labeled "Danger! Broom Closet". Inside is the % secret room. Lisa looks around and finds notes taken from the days % discussions in class. Before she is able to ponder it too much, she hears a % voice say "I see you!" Lisa turns around and sees a small robot on a table % walking towards her and asking for a hug. % % [End of Act Two. Act Time: 6:20. Running Time: 11:07] % % That night, Lisa gets her parents and Chief Wiggum to go to the school to % see the room and robot. Wiggum: This better be important, Lisa. I left Ralphie alone in the bathtub. Ralph: [over radio] Daddy, I'm ready to get out now. Over. [They arrive at the "broom closet" door] Lisa: This broom closet is not what it seems. It's a secret surveillance room guarded by a tiny evil robot! Homer: Ugh. Is this gonna be like one of those horror movies where we open the door and everything's normal and we think you're crazy, but then there really *is* a killer robot and the next morning you find me impaled on a weather vane? Is that what this is, Lisa?! Marge: To be fair, not all evil robots are killers. Lisa: Listen, when you see what's inside-- [opens the door and a mop falls on her head; inside are only normal things you would find in a closet] I don't understand; I could swear it was right here! Wiggum: Yeah, right, mop top, and I'm Ed Sullivan. [ahem] Really big shoe. No, no, I can do it better. [as Sullivan] Really big shoe -- really big. [normal voice] That's it. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Lisa and Bart watch the Krusty the Klown Show. Krusty: Well, folks, that's the end of Krusty's nondenominational holiday funfest. I want to thank my guests: Téa Leoni, Beck, The Dixie Chicks, ... Chicks: Merry Christmas, y'all! Krusty: And Patrick Ewing as the genie. So, have a merry Christmas, happy Chanukah, kwazy Kwanza, a tip-top Tet, and a solemn, dignified Ramadan. Now a word from *my* god: our sponsor. [bows] -- "Grift of the Magi" % In Krusty's commercial, a little girl walks down a stairway on Christmas % morning and hears a voice say "I see you". She picks up the doll who then % asks for a hug. Lisa recognized the toy as the one that had attacked her. Anncr: This Christmas, everybody wants Funzo. Lisa: "Funzo"? I said that name in class! Girl: Funzo's soft and cuddly. Boy: [holding another Funzo which launches a rocket] With lots of firepower! [The girl is hit by the rocket, to the boy's amusement] Funzo: [as Nelson] Ha-ha! Anncr: Funzo! Funzo! Funzo! If you don't have Funzo, you're nothin'! [A boy in the street ditches a puppy in favor of a Funzo] -- Bart and Lisa watch a commercial, "Grift of the Magi" Bart: [yelling] Mom! I know what I want for Christmas! Lisa: Bart, they lied to us! Instead of giving us an education, they tricked us into designing a toy! Aren't you outraged? Bart: No, but if you're gonna throw a spas', I'll come with. Lisa: Good. Saddle up the bikes. -- "Grift of the Magi" % And so, Bart goes with Lisa to investigate. They sneak into Kid First % Industries' secret headquarters and come across a security guard. As they % crawl in front of the desk, Bart recognizes the guard as Gary Coleman, who % is too engrossed in a phone conversation to notice them. Coleman: But the menu said "galaxy of prawns". Three prawns are hardly a galaxy! What do you mean, "your hands are tied"?! Let me talk to Mr. Kwan. [Lisa motions for Bart to continue crawling] Bart: I want to see how this turns out. Lisa: [holding phone cord] The phone's not even plugged in! Coleman: Alright, you listen to me, Kwan. Hang on, I got another call. [click] Yes, Mr. President! I can be in Washington right away! -- "Grift of the Magi" % In an office room overlooking the production line of Funzos, Lisa and Bart % find Jim Hope and Lindsay Naegle. Lisa: You people took advantage of trusting schoolchildren! Jim: How did you get past Gary Coleman? Bart: Let's just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Gary Coleman does Karate moves beside his desk when Lindsay Naegle comes in % to talk to him. Lindsay: I'm sorry, Gary. There's no longer a place for you here. Coleman: Whatchu talkin' about, Miss Naegle? Lindsay: That is so adorable! You're rehired. [exits] Coleman: Sucker! I knew exactly what she was talkin' about. [sits at his desk and sleeps] -- "Grift of the Magi" % Back in the office room, Lindsay Naegle tries to get Lisa to see the % situation from their point of view. Jim Hope reveals that they've been % under pressure to create the new Christmas fad toy. He is happy to say that % Funzo is the first toy "designed by children, for children, with all the % profits going *to* children". Lisa is about to be won over until Jim states % that everyone is someone's child. To smooth things over, Lindsay offers a % free Funzo, which Bart promptly accepts. % % In the living room, Bart looks through a Funzo accessories book. Bart: And I want Funzo's dream fortress, Funzo's lower back pain chair, Funzo's European Voltage converter-- Funzo: Why not get three? Bart: [gasp] Three it is. [writes "3" in book, breaking the pencil lead; sharpens it in Funzo's ear] Thanks, Funzo. You rock! Funzo: Alrighty! [plays music and dances] [Lisa enters] Bart: It's always a party with Funzo! Lisa: I admit it's kind of cute, but it'll never take the place of Malibu Stacey. [takes out doll] [Funzo takes Malibu Stacey, snaps her neck, and throws her body in the fireplace] [yells] Did you see that?! Bart: Yeah! Funzo makes playtime fun! [Funzo walks over to Bart's Krusty doll and strangles it with its pull string] Hey, why is it destroying other toys? Lisa: They must have programmed it to eliminate the competition! Bart: You mean like Microsoft? Lisa: Exactly. Come on, Bart, we've got to warn everyone! [Funzo dances with the decapitated Stacey and Krusty heads on pencils] -- "Grift of the Magi" % Outside the Try-N-Save, a crowd of people has gathered waiting for the store % to open. Lisa and Bart arrive on bikes. Lisa: Boycott Funzo! He's a toy-killing machine! Ned: [chuckles] That shy little imp? Funzo: [in display window, produces a flower] I have a flower for vous. Crowd: Aw.... Carl: Aw, man, I gotta get me one of those. Lenny: Hey, I'm not waitin' 'til the store opens! [smashes door window with giant candy cane] -- "Grift of the Magi" % Jim Hope and Lindsay Naegle watch the people running into the store on a % television from a hot tub. They use the time elapsed from muttering until % door smash to calculate a profit of $370 million. Jim Hope would also like % to see some trampling, and then they see Moe being trampled. % % Lisa is ready to give in to Kid First's evil Christmas Funzomania, but Bart % gets a plan. On Christmas Eve at 6 PM, Homer, dressed as Santa, drives Lisa % and Bart. Homer: So, who am I beating up? Lisa: Nobody. You're just gonna break into everyone's house and steal their favorite toy. Bart: Thus saving Christmas. Homer: [counting on his fingers] Now, let's see ... this'll make three Christmases I saved versus eight I ruined ... two were kind of a draw... Lisa: Dad, Dad! You're driving on the sidewalk! [the car lurches, and a cat yowls. Homer steers back onto the road] Homer: Whoop, sorry. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Bart and Lisa arrive at the first house and ring the doorbell. Clancy, % Sarah, and Ralph Wiggum come to the door. Bart and Lisa sing "Joy to the % World" as Homer sneaks in the back window of the house and removes the Funzo % from under the tree. With the task completed, Bart and Lisa stop singing % and run to the next house: the Hibberts'. As they sing "Silent Night", % Homer's job is complicated by knocking over their Christmas tree and a dog % who enjoys biting him. The kids sing louder to cover up the noise. % % Finally, they arrive at the Springfield tire fire with a sack of clamoring % Funzos. Homer takes the bag out of the car. Homer: [singing to the tune of "Tiny Bubbles"] Writhing Funzos in my sack, makes me happy, makes me hurt my back. Bart: Just dump 'em in the fire, Dad. Lisa: Yes, the madness ends here. Homer: Ha! If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Homer swings the bag of robot dolls around and throws them at the base of % the tire fire. The burning Funzos come out of the sack annoyed. Just then, % a Kid First Industries Jeep shows up and Gary Coleman gets out. Coleman: Well, what do we have here? [takes out nightstick] Looks like the biggest rip-off since "Webster". Homer: [yells] Please, Mr. Coleman, we can explain! Coleman: I'm listening. Lisa: Your toy company is evil. Coleman: Well, isn't it possible for an evil company to make people happy? Lisa: Are you saying the end justifies the means? Coleman: That's a very glib interpretation. Bart: Hey, don't talk to my sister that way! Lisa: No, Bart, he's right; I *did* over simplify. Homer: Perhaps, but let's not get bogged down in semantics. I think what Lisa *meant* to say is... Narr.: And so, Gary Coleman and the Simpsons argued long into the night, and then, as day broke, the spirit of the season entered their hearts. Lisa: Lets just agree that the commercialization of Christmas is, at best, a mixed blessing. Coleman: Amen. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Then a bare robot Funzo emerges from the fire and Gary Coleman thoroughly % beats it up. Bart comments, "Well there's something you don't see every % Christmas", reminding everyone what day it is. The Simpsons are about to % go home when they see Gary Coleman standing all by himself. Bart whispers % an idea to Homer, who nods and walks over to Coleman. Homer: Um, uh, Mr. Coleman, I've been thinkin', uh, my wife always makes too much stuffing and sweet pertaters and all and ... oh, heck, would you like to spend Christmas with us? Coleman: No way. I'm having Christmas at George Clooney's house. [adjusts tie and hair] Lisa: Gary ... Coleman: Alright, I'll come. -- "Grift of the Magi" % Mr. Burns and Smithers join the Simpsons and Gary Coleman in the Simpsons' % dining room. Narr.: And Gary Coleman was as good as his word, and as for old Mr. Burns, he was visited by three ghosts during the night and agreed to fund the school with some money he found in his tuxedo pants. [The Simpsons applaud] Burns: Thank you, thank you! Humbug. Narr.: While Moe, seeing what the world would be like if he had never been born, pulled his head out of the oven and replaced it with a plump Christmas goose. [Moe delivers the goose at the Simpsons' table] Moe: Yeah, happy holidays, there. All: Merry Christmas, Moe! Moe: Uh, listen, I kinda banged up that Jeep in the driveway. Coleman: Whatchu talkin' about, Moe? [All laugh, then turn to face the audience] Whatchu talkin' 'bout, everyone? -- "Grift of the Magi" % [End of Act Three. Act Time: 9:05. Running Time: 20:12] ============================================================================== > Contributors ============================================================================== {ah} Alan Hamilton {al} Andrew Levine {asw} Alexander S. Woods {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {ddg} Don Del Grande {dj} Darrel Jones {hl} Haynes Lee {jg} Jeremy Gallen {jk} Joe Klemm {jp} John Plasket {jp2} Jerry P. {kc} Kay Carina {ma} Matthew Anscher {rs} R. Schram {sm} Seth Miller {ss} Samuel Sklaroff {tdm} Travis D. McLemore {tr} Tom Rinschler ============================================================================== > Legal Mumbo Jumbo ============================================================================== This episode capsule is Copyright 2001 Benjamin Robinson. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer (capsules@snpp.com). All quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The Quote and Scene Summary itself is Copyright 2001 Jerry P. This capsule has been brought to you by Kid First, Inc. This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.