Some Enchanted Evening

Some Enchanted Evening
                                         Written by Matt Groening and Sam Simon
                               Directed by David Silverman and Kent Butterworth

TV Guide synopsis

With their parents out for a night of romance, Bart and Lisa recognize
their sitter on ``America's Most Armed and Dangerous''.

Title sequence


    {I will not yell ``Fire'' / in a crowded classroom.}
    {I will not yell ``F} at cutoff.


    Homer yells ``Auuuugh!'' when the car closes in on him.


    Everyone fits, but it's a tight squeeze.

Didja notice...

    ... at breakfast, Bart poured the <entire> bowl of sugar onto his cereal?
        Maggie meanwhile stirred her brown oatmeal...
    ... is `melon wrestling' a euphemism for something less printable?  @{cjb}
    ... the gleeful expressions on the girls' faces as they anticipate
        watching the Happy Little Elves tape?
    ... the FBI warning at the beginning of the Happy Little Elves tape?
    ... The Larry Davis Experience plays the same song Homer was humming?

Dave Hall {dh}

   ...Marge does join the family at breakfast, but hovers over them?
   ...Homer and the kids each have something green for breakfast?
   ...Maggie stirs her mush but doesn't eat it?
   ...Bart has mush with his bowl of sugar?
   ...the audio sound of the donut hitting Homer's head?
   ...Homer sucks the tips of his fingers after inhaling the donut?
   ...Marge wears bunny slippers? of Dr. Monroe's job requirements is eating stacks of donuts?
   ...the very first crow call of the series?
   ...Dr. Monroe's assistant holds the phone with pinkly extended?
   ...Marge is 34 years old?
   ...Dr. Monroe butts his cigarette into the console?
   ...Marge is a phone cord twiddler?
   ...Dr. Monroe's dramatic use of donuts?
   ...Moe plays the classic bartender of giving advice?
   ...the original Moe looks a little like Hank Azaria?
   ...the music while Marge waits for Homer to come home?
   ...the tick of the grandfather clock is replaced by the sound of Maggie's
   ...the fiery look to Marge's eyes?
   ...Lisa calls Marge `glamorous' yet Marge isn't dressed and still had
      hair curlers on?
   ...the reading material in the bathroom?
   ...Homer shaves his face in 7 quick strokes of the razor?
   ...Homer's facial hair quickly grows back after shaving?
   ...the house shakes when Bart slides off the banister and hits the floor?
   ...the squeaking sound Homer's head makes when rubbed?
   ...the heart in the center of the front door when Homer and Marge leave?
   ...Ms. Botz peculiar walk?
   ...the cute wave Maggie makes when Ms. Botz carries her away?
   ...the body shape in the Simpson basement?
   ...the bowling ball Bart was going to drop on Ms. Botz has `HOMER'
      lettered on it?
   ...Marge plays with Homer's hair strands?
   ...Maggie knows what a TV remote is used for?
   ...the cute smirk on Maggie's face after Bart whacked Ms. Botz?
   ...the `unladylike' position Ms. Botz laid on the floor?
   ...Ms. Botz's `Life in Hell' rabbit key chain?
   ...the constant sucking sound of Maggie's pacifier?
   ...the overuse of footstep sounds in this episode?

Hari Wierny {hw}:

    ... there isn't a car from the opening shot of the house, even though it's
        morning and Homer hasn't gone to work yet?
    ... Marge drops the kids' lunchboxes when Homer screams, yet she doesn't
        pick them up afterwards?
    ... Marvin Monroe's ash tray is empty?
    ... the poster of a weird looking woman's face in SNPP?
    ... when Bart does a prank call to Moes Tavern, he presses the same key on
        the phone many times?
    ... the Simpsons' kitchen clock doesn't have any numbers on it?
    ... there is a painting of a tropical palm tree beach above OFF's couch?
    ... when Marge picks up the phone and hears Moe scolding at Bart (and Marge
        thinks it's a crossed wire), we don't hear any laughter in the
        background from the crank call?
    ... Homer shaves the bottom half of his chin twice?
    ... the cool color-gradient on the walls during the part where Marge
        explains the video cassette etc.? (note: we only get to see this effect
        in the first couple of full length eps.)
    ... there's a [heart] on the back of OFF's door?
    ... we hear Homer and Marge drive away as Ms. Botz goes to put the tape in?
    ... the background on the Happy Little Elves repeats itself as the lame
        little elf rides a bear cub?
        [In fact, it looks like just the same three or so frames -aag]
    ... one of the shows Bart flicks past appears to be bowling? (we hear the
        pins collapse.)
    ... Homer's napkin has a picture of a lobster on it?
    ... ``The Larry Davis Experience'' looks extremely miserable?
    ... Lisa doesn't realize Miss Botz is dragging her by the phone cord until
        it's too late?
    ... the VCR remote only has four buttons on it? (these are relatively
        large; they just about take up the whole remote.)
    ... the framed picture of Krusty on the wall when they knock out Miss Botz?
    ... there's an pictureless frame on the Offramp Inn room's wall?
    ... Miss Botz's vehicle looks like a golf buggy? (it changes, however --
        see Goofs.)
    ... Homer gets a wad of cash to pay Miss Botz, and says he'll pay her
        double, yet when he offers her triple, he doesn't make any additions to
        the cash?


Chris Baird @{cjb}:  One of my all-time favourite episodes.

Yours Truly @{rjc}:  An all-time classic.  'Nuff said.

Movie (and other) References

    + The Hunchback of Notre Dame
        - ``The Elves!  The Elves!''
    + America's Most Wanted and other ``Criminals At Large''-type programs.
        - America's Most Armed and Dangerous
        - host looks similar to John Walsh
        - the music as Ms. Botz approaches
   + Night of the Hunter{Robert MacIntosh}
         - a murderous thief visits kids
         - kids hide in a similar basement
         - thief tries to coax kids out
         - canned produce on the walls
         - board drops on thief
         - a local woman (with a voice similar to Marshall's) tries to coax the
           kids out, too
   + Patricia, a song by Perez Prado and His Orchestra
         - the tune that Homer mimics
   + Some Enchanted Evening, song from Rodgers and Hammerstein's
     _South Pacific_
         - title
   + ``Life in Hell'' [comic strip]
         - Maggie has a rabbit doll{hw}

Freeze Frame Fun


    * Krusty
    * Happy Little Elves

Calls on the line

    . Line 1:  Marge, 34, another unappreciated wife
    . Line 2:  Paul Hsi, nail biter (not his own)

The power plant

    * [7] days since last accident
        The `7' is a replaceable section of the sign.
    * In case of meltdown, break glass.

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Babysitting Service

    * Three babysitters on the couch (incl. Ms. Botz)
    * Painting of a dog barking at a burning house.
    * Poster with photos of the kids: ``No!  No!  No!''
    * Poster:
                    THE SIMPSONS

            NO! NO! NO!     [head shot]
                            [of Lisa]
             [head shot]      LISA
             [of Bart]
                            [head shot]
              BART          [of Maggie]

The phone booth

   poster of a space mutant (Space Mutant 4) on the wall behind the phone

The Number of the Beast

The video tape has the number 666 on it.{dh}

Ms. Botz on ``America's Most Armed and Dangerous'' {hw}:

[front]    [side]
[view ]    [view]
[face ]    [face]


Sign near Offramp Inn{hw}:

|    34     |
|   MILES   |

Some stuff seen in OFF's closet{hw}:

- a metal canister
- something wrapped up with rope
- a [shoe?] box
- a regular box
- the infamous ``Homer'' bowling ball (funny, the ball was purchased
  in 7G11. I guess it fits in with continuity, though, because
  7G01 aired after 7G11 despite it being made before.)
- an [gym?] bike
- a mummy (yes, a genuine Egyptian mummy!)
- a few shelf units
- a broken mirror
- a lamp with a smashed lightbulb
- a cupboard filled with home-made pickled beets

Sign on back of Offramp Inn room door{hw}:

9:00 AM

The note on Homer's Offramp Inn key{hw}

(note: this was pretty hard to get, because we only see it for about a second,
plus it's small and in the background. It's cool that the animators actually
put this in.):


Caption on TV{hw}:


Krusty the Clown{hw}

- picture on Bart's lunchbox
- framed picture on the wall when they knock out Botz
- poster on Bart's wall

Slow-mo fun worth seeing{dh}:

       - when Marge growls at the kids.
       - when Bart and Lisa screams at Ms. Botz.
       - when Homer throws Marge into the bed.
       - Maggie falling at the bottom of the stairs.

FF worth seeing{dh}:

       - when Homer and Marge kiss on the front doorstep.
       - Marge with hair curlers.

Comments and other observations


Previous episodes

    * [7G10] The Off-Ramp Inn.

Simpsons 1992 Fun-Time Calendar

    * Dancing lesson

Maggie's 21 falls{dh}:

        3 during Bart's first prank phone call.
        1 when the kids were waiting for Homer to come home.
        1 after Marge growled at the kids.
        3 during Bart's second prank phone call.
        1 when Ms. Botz introduces herself.
        1 when Marge thanks Ms. Botz. for coming.
        5 on way to watch video tape:
           2 silent, rapid falls in hallway;
           1 in front room;
           2 in TV room.
        1 after landing on a pile of toys.
        1 sneaking pass Ms. Botz.
        1 at the bottom of the stairs.
        1 arriving at the TV room.
        1 when she tricks Ms. Botz into following her.
        1 at the telephone booth.

What Homer's usual has at Moe's{dh}:

A quick one, some peanuts, hunk of beef jerky, a couple pickled eggs.

The Unabridged Oliver Wendell Holmes

Bart's blackboard punishment references a series of cases from 1917, most
notably Schenck v. US.  Schenck was convicted of violating the Espionage Act,
which made it illegal to ``obstruct the recruiting or enlistment service.''
In his ruling, Justice Holmes wrote:

	The most stringent protection of free speech would not protect a man in
	falsely shouting fire in a theatre and causing a panic.

This is the first time that the First Amendment had really been limited.  All
other limitations on that amendment stem from this.

Save money! Make your season premiere the season finale!

Although this episode is the first in the production series, it was not aired
until the end of the season.  This was due to the fact that the production team
was just getting used to creating full-length episodes, and so there were a few
innocent mistakes.  Like including an ulttraviolent clip from a show and making
the family look like demons.  Matt Groening balked and sent it to be
reanimated.  As a result, it wound up last in the production series.

This makes for an interesting chronology:

The series pilot was ``Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire'' [7G08], which aired
on 12/17/89, but the series proper didn't begin until 1/14/90, with ``Bart the
Genius,'' yet the first episode to be produced wasn't aired until 5/13.  Phew!
Got that?

But they didn't DO anything!

Because this episode wasn't aired in chronological order, the couch gag makes
even (more/less) sense.  Obviously, it was intended that this gag was going to
be ``normal,'' and the others were variations.  The result that they got was
just the opposite.  According to one fan (Jessi Cuellar):

	When ``Some Enchanted Evening'' aired here a few months ago, my 3 year
	old son and I were watching.  After the couch scene, he laughed, and I
	asked him what was funny, and he said ``They didn't do anything.'' Not
	really relevant, but I am so proud.

Misc., &c.

Dave Hall notes: Marge states they have a video library, yet we never get to
see this video library anywhere in the whole series?

Homer & Marge supposedly had rushed home, yet they have taken the time
to get completely dressed.{dh}
   [Probably keeping up appearances for the kids -aag]

Animation, Continuity, and Other Goofs

= Various items from the kitchen move/disappear from the overhead shot.{hw}

= The amount of pickled eggs changes (between shots) from 12, to 10, to 15!{hw}

= When the kids ask Marge for some ``grub'' it's about 9:37 PM.  After Marge
  has scared off her children and continues to wait for Homer, it's about 8:32
  PM.  Then when (and just before) Marge is hallucinating, the clock reads just
  past 6:30 PM.{hw}

= When Bart makes a prank call to Moes from the kitchen, the telephone is
  different than it was in the ep's opening scene. 
  [it changes <again> from the side view.]{hw}

= Marge's nose is drawn very oddly during the scene of her prettying herself up
  in front of the mirror.{hw}

= The doorknob on OFF's front door changes color between shots.{hw}

= On the first shot of ``The Larry Davis Experience,'' we see the drummer
  hitting a cymbal and a tom-tom drum, yet all we hear is the cymbal?{hw}

= When Maggie comes into the TV room where Bart and Lisa are tied up, on the
  ``Happy Little Elves'' the bear-cub-in-the-honey scene is recycled, but then
  from a different shot the ending appears on the screen.{hw}

= Miss Botz's vehicle changes from scene to scene.{hw}

  Ms. Botzcowski's car was should have been intercepted by the police that
  came from the other direction.  Note that she left only second(s) before
  the police arrival.

* The check out time for the Off-Ramp Inn is either 4 or 9 a.m.{dh}

= An unknown hand removes the carton of milk from the kitchen table.{dh}

= The kitchen chairs appear to be knocked over in some scenes.{dh}

= Homer is watching stuff coming down a conveyor belt, yet his station
  starts at the very beginning of the conveyor belt.{dh}

= The contents of Barney's beer mug vanish.{dh}

= Homer's wristwatch goes missing from his hand in the shot of him standing
  outside the house.{dh}

= The candy box and rose in Homer's hands switches places.{dh}

= Homer's rose appears to have been mishandled, yet it appears pristine when
  Marge is holding it.{dh}

= Marge's earrings goes missing in one scene after Marge just put them on.{dh}

= Marge produces the video tape out of thin air.{dh}

= The kids were in the hallway, yet the scene of Homer and Marge leaving
  the house depicts an empty hallway.{dh}

= The cover of the Video tape disappears.{dh}

= Bart shoves the video tape upside down into the VCR.{dh}

= Marge leaves the house without her purse, yet she has it at the

= Intercutting scenes depict Bart and Lisa's feet as dangling or not
  dangling over the couch cushions.{dh}

= After Bart falls from the cupboard, there shouldn't be a shadow on Ms.
  Botz and him.{dh}

= Homer somehow manages to unlock and open the suite door while holding
  Marge in his arms.{dh}

= Marge's head was to the right of Homer when he threw her so Marge should
  have landed on the bed with her head to the right.{dh}

* Since we haven't seen Marge with a purse at the hotel suite, there really
  isn't anyway for her to bring a change of clothing.{dh}

= TV/VCR remote isn't seen in TV room when Maggie enters the room.{dh}

= Homer & Marge's bedroom door opens inwards, yet the door opens outwards
  when Ms. Botz leaves the room.{dh}

* Homer couldn't have helped Ms. Botz with the suitcases if the suitcases
  were still on the floor of Homer & Marge's bedroom -- amongst the mess
  Ms. Botz made in her quest for `Samson' goodies.{dh}

*  Possible Plot-hole:
      Where is Homer's car while he stood in front of the house?  If the car
      were in the garage then Homer should have used the garage door

Voice credits

Special Guest Voice

    Penny Marshall (Ms. Botz)

Hank Azaria         (Moe)
Harry Shearer       (Dr. Marvin Monroe)
Christopher Collins (Worker #1)
June Foray          (Receptionist)
Paul Wilson         (Florist)

Quotes and scene summary


 Breakfast at the Simpsons.  Homer and the kids chow down while Marge watches,
 standing and sipping her coffee.  The radio is tuned to the KBBL traffic
   Bad news, drivers.  There's an overturned melon truck on the interstate.
   Oh, it's a mess.  There's lots of rubber-necking and melon wrestling
   going on, folks...
   -- Bill Pie ``in the Sky'', KBBL traffic report, ``Some Enchanted Evening''
 Homer reaches for the milk, revealing a box of ``Yummy Donuts''.  Bart
 and Lisa struggle for custody of the box (Maggie's eyes watch the
 back-and-forth) until the donut pops out of the box, bounces off Homer's
 head, and lands on his plate.  Homer inhales the pastry.

 The school bus honks its horn, and the kids head out.  Marge holds up two
 lunchboxes:  ``You forgot the special lunches I made.''  Bart and Lisa
 help themselves to Marge's purse.  ``That's okay, Mom!'' responds Bart.
 ``We got money!'' finishes Lisa as she replaces the purse in Marge's
 pocketbook.  Marge's protest is interrupted by a ``Yaaaargh!'' from
 Homer as he glances at his watch and gets up.  Marge closes her eyes
 for a kiss, but Homer takes and drinks her coffee then leaves.

 Overhead shot of the kitchen wreckage.  ``Well, Maggie, it's just you
 and me again.''  Maggie has fallen asleep.
   This is KBBL talk radio, K-Babble.  All talk, 24 hours a day.
   If you'd like to share your embarrassing problem with our listening
   audience, we invite you to call our therapist of the airwaves, Dr. Marvin
   Monroe.  The number is 555-PAIN.
   [Marge drums her fingers and casts nervous glances at the phone]
   Don't be afraid, call now!
   [Marge dashes for the phone]
   -- ``Some Enchanted Evening''
 Marge starts to explain her problem.  ``Hey lady, save your whining for
 when you're on the air, okay?''

 At the plant, Homer listens to the radio.  Dr. Monroe snuffs out his
 cigarette, reaches for another donut, and selects his next call.
   Dr.MM: Next we have Marge.  She's 34 and trapped in a loveless sham of
          a marriage.
   Homer: Hey, turn it up!  I love hearing those wackos!
   -- The SNPP workers listen to a radio call-in show, ``Some Enchanted Evening''
   Dr.MM: [radio talk show therapist]  Tell me about your husband, Marge.
   Marge: [on the phone] When we were dating, he was sweeter... and more
          romantic! ...  [beginning to sob]  And forty pounds thinner,
          and he had hair... [burbling barely coherently]  And he ate
          with utensils!  [breaks down crying]
   -- Marge calls KBBL, ``Some Enchanted Evening''
 Homer refuses to believe that it's his wife calling.
   Dr.MM: Your husband sees you as nothing.
   Marge: [pause]  Oh, okay.  Well, thank you.  [about to hang up]
   Dr.MM: No no no, don't hang up!
   -- Marge calls a radio talk show therapist, ``Some Enchanted Evening''
 The plant employees nudge each other knowingly.
   Dr.MM: The pig has made you into his mother.
          You are not the hot love object you deserve to be!
   Marge: Really?
   Dr.MM: I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying.
          Marge, tonight, the second he comes through that front door, you've got
          to tell him you're fed up, and if he doesn't start loving you,
          you will be leaving.
   Marge: Leave Homer!?
   Dr.MM: Please!  Don't use his real name!
   Marge: Leave Pedro!?
   -- Marge calls a radio talk show therapist, ``Some Enchanted Evening''
 The employees crack up.  Homer swallows hard.

 At the Simpsons residence...
   Lisa: Aw, come on, Bart, not again!
   Bart: [dialing the phone] Aw, where's your sense of humor.
   Moe:  Moe's Tavern.
   Bart: Hello, is Al there?
   Moe:  Al?
   Bart: Yeah, Al.  Last name:  Coholic.
   Moe:  Lemme check...  [calls]  Phone call for Al.  Al Coholic.
         Is there an Al Coholic here?
         [bar denizens laugh]
         Wait a minute...
         [to phone]
         Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out
         who you are, I'm gonna kill you!
   -- ``Some Enchanted Evening''
 Homer's at the bar, dreading going home.  While Homer eats a pickled
egg, he explains that Marge is going to leave him because he's a pig.
Moe agrees; he <is> a pig. Homer goes for a second opinion.
Homer: Hey, Barney, am I a pig? Barney: You're even more of a pig than I am! [huge belch] -- From someone who should know, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Moe: Homer, buy your wife some flowers and take her out for a night on the town. Candles, tablecloth, the whole nine yards. -- Gee, I didn't mean to put you to so much trouble, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' And after dinner, Moe suggests they check into a motel. Homer likes the idea and heads out. The kids sit at the dinner table. ``Wow, a quarter past six. What's keeping Dad?'' asks Lisa. Bart mutters, ``Yeah, he couldn't possibly be late on Meatloaf Night.'' Homer wanders into the florist shop. Homer: [unsure of himself] Uh, I'd like some flowers. Florist: What kind of flowers? Homer: Uh, you know, pretty ones, not dead. Florist: Well, we've have some beautiful long-stemmed roses. They're $55 a dozen. Homer: [thinks] One, please. -- Think small, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' It's now 8:35. Marge stares angrily at the front door, growling. The kids approach her from behind with their empty plates and ask for some food. Marge turns around and *ROARS*. The kids scream and dash off in fright. Marge turns back towards the door and waits... [End of Act One. Time: 5:33] As Marge growls at the door, evil thoughts penetrate her mind, and her eyes turn red... Outside in the rain, Homer holds a heart-shaped box of candy in one hand and a wilted rose in the other. He practices his entrance, but realizes it's no use and just heads for the door. Marge pulls the door open as Homer tries to insert the key. Stunned, Homer holds up the candy and the flower. ``I love you, Marjorie.'' Marge softens, and they kiss. In the kitchen, Bart dials the phone... Bart: [dialing the phone] A little pre-dinner entertainment. Moe: [answering the phone] Moe's Tavern. Bart: Is Oliver there? Moe: Who? Bart: Oliver Clothesoff. Moe: Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff! Bart+Lisa: [laugh] -- ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Homer fills Marge in on their itinerary... Homer: And, I made reservations at Chez [pron. /chez/] Paree! Marge: Oh, but Homer, that's expensive! Homer: It matters not, mon frere! -- A night on the town with the boys? ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Marge picks up the phone to call a babysitter, and hears Moe: ``Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I <swear> I'll cut your belly open!'' She hangs up, figuring it was a crossed wire, and tries again. She calls the Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Service, but they refuse when she identifies herself as Mrs. Simpson. Clerk: Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Service! Homer: Hello, this is Mr... Sam-son. Clerk: Did your wife just call a second ago? Homer: No, I said Samson, not Simpson. -- Just checking, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Actually, the Simpsons are neighbors of ours, and we've found them to be a quite misunderstood and underrated family. -- Homer pretends to be Mr. Samson, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Upstairs, Lisa watches Marge pretty herself up for a night out. Bart listens to Homer talk about his mambo dancing, but his smart mouth gets him thrown out. Homer shaves (and his beard grows back almost immediately). The doorbell rings, and Homer tells Bart to answer it. Aye-aye, Mambo-Man! -- Bart, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Bart slides down the banister (*thud*) and answers the door as Lisa and Maggie join him. He opens the door. The kids swallow hard. It's the babysitter. (Insert jarring chord.) Curiously, Ms. Botz has brought two suitcases. Marge leaves her with brief instructions: Maggie should be put to bed immediately; Bart and Lisa can watch ``The Happy Little Elves Meet The Curious Bear Cub''. [moaning] Oh! The Elves! The Elves! -- Quasi-Bart-o, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Marge kisses the kids good-bye. Bart tries to get Ms. Botz to approve alternate viewing, but a menacing threat puts him in his place. Ms. Botz carries Maggie away to bed. (Maggie waves bye-bye.) At the restaurant, Homer checks out the lobster tank and chooses... the one floating upside-down at the top. Bart suffers through the Happy Little Elves... Bart: [watching a Happy Little Elves tape] Oh, man, I can't take it any more! Lisa: But I want to see what happens. Bart: You <know> what happens. They find Captain Quick's treasure. All the elves dance around like little green idiots. I puke. The End. Lisa: Bart, you're just like Chilly, the elf who cannot love. -- ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Bart switches to ``America's Most Armed and Dangerous'', though Lisa finds the show too scary. The Cue-ball Killer should be considered extremely armed and dangerous. If you think you've seen him, call 1-800-U-SQUEAL. -- ``Some Enchanted Evening'' At the restaurant, the bubbly stops flowing, so Homer orders another bottle of their second-cheapest champagne. Back at the house... The defenseless youngsters were tied up and gagged in the living room, while the bandit roamed the house at will, [TV pans over an empty house] stealing the valuable objects it took the family a lifetime to shop for! -- Watching `America's Most Armed and Dangerous', ``Some Enchanted Evening'' To the music of the Larry Davis Experience, Homer and Marge mambo divinely. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa watch more of America's Most Armed and Dangerous, and as the description of the Babysitter Bandit continues, they become increasingly frightened. ``In a moment, we will show you a picture of the real Babysitter Bandit, Miss Lucille Botzcowski [pron.\ /botzokowsky/], and remember... she may be using a clever alias.'' A picture of Ms. Botz appears on the screen, and the kids scream. Ms. Botz appears, carrying a length of rope. Bart and Lisa scream, ``Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!'' Thunder roars outside. [End of Act Two. Time: 13:23] The kids make a run for it. Bart ducks into the basement. Lisa skids (cartoon style) into the kitchen and grabs the phone. But she gets a busy signal. Meanwhile, Homer and Marge are on the highway looking for Ye Olde Offramp Inn. They spot it, but miss the exit. ``No problemo,'' says Homer. ``We'll just get off at the next exit.'' A sign reads, ``Next Exit 34 Miles.'' Ms. Botz descends into the basement looking for Bart. While searching, she finds a cabinet of pickled beets and helps herself. Atop the cabinet is Bart and a bowling ball. Bart tries to roll the ball onto Ms. Botz, but he loses his balance and falls. Seeing as no one was hurt, I think it would be really silly to dwell on this. -- Bart to The Babysitter Bandit, after a failed capture attempt, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Meanwhile, Lisa hides under the kitchen table and finally gets through. As she talks, she is dragged by the phone cord out from under the table. By Ms. Botz. Oops. Homer carries Marge across the threshold, stumbles, and trips, tossing Marge (``Wheeeee!!'') onto the waterbed, where she relaxes, while Homer rubs his knee. Back at home, Ms. Botz has finished tying up Bart and Lisa... Bart: We know who you are, Ms. Botz. Or should I say, Ms. Botzcowski. You're the Babysitter Bandit. Ms.B: You're a smart young man, Bart. I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut. Lisa: He isn't. -- A little knowledge, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' ... disables the phones, tapes Bart's mouth shut, and leaves them on the couch to suffer through The Happy Little Elves. Bart protests, but Lisa says, ``Quiet, Bart! Let's make the best of this.'' At the motel, Marge offers to go ``slip into something more comfortable'', and Homer hopes it's the blue thing with the... things. Maggie wakes up and grabs the mobile above her crib, which she uses as a trapeze, landing in a pile of stuffed animals. She spots Ms. Botz in the hallway, relieving the closet of its valuables (and some unvaluables). Maggie then wanders downstairs and spots her elder siblings, as well as the Happy Little Elves. She decides to watch the Elves. The movie ends, and Maggie tries to turn off the TV with the remote control. Lisa asks, ``Wanna watch the Happy Little Elves again?'' Maggie nods. ``But ya hafta untie me, first.'' Maggie does so. ``Oh... Homer...'' calls Marge seductively. She's indeed wearing the blue thing with the... things. Homer gives one of his lustful, ``Ohhhhh...''s. Ms. Botz continues her pillaging and spots Maggie walking through the hallway. She follows the sound of the sucking, which leads her into a dark room. (*whump*) The lights come on. Bart (sucking on Maggie's pacifier) has clobbered her with a baseball bat. Homer and Marge relax in the waterbed, and Marge decides to check up on things at home. There is no answer because Bart, Lisa, and Maggie (clutching Bart's neck like a knapsack) have escaped out the window. The kids call from a pay phone. (Bart goes down on all fours so Lisa can stand on his back to reach the phone.) Operator: Hello, vigilant viewer. How may we help you? Lisa: We caught her! We caught the Babysitter Bandit! She's tied up at our house right now! Bart: Ask if there's a reward. Lisa: Is there a reward? ... [to Bart] If she's convicted, we get T-shirts. Bart: Yeah! -- Calling America's Most Armed and Dangerous, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Homer and Marge return home to find Ms. Botz bound and gagged, being forced to watch, yes, The Happy Little Elves. Homer and Marge untie her and apologize profusely. Ms. Botz's first words: ``Please turn off the TV.'' Homer helps Ms. Botz with her luggage (``Oh, these things are heavy!'') and pays her triple the rate, just so there are no hard feelings. Ms.Botz: Mr. Samson, can I give you a bit of advice? Homer: Sure. Ms.Botz: Don't turn your back on that boy for a second. -- Words of warning from the Babysitter Bandit, ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Ms. Botz speeds off just before Homer is surrounded by police cars. Bart explains that they left her tied up in the house, but Homer snags him and scolds, ``I just had to untie your babysitter and pay her off so that...'' Microphones are shoved in his face. A reporter asks, ``Are you telling the world that you just aided and abetted the escape of the notorious Babysitter Bandit?'' Homer fumbles, ``Actually, it was quite a struggle!'' Homer and Marge watch the news. The caption reads, ``Homer Simpson, local boob.'' TV-Homer says, ``Have you ever seen a kung-fu movie? It was just like that!'' Homer shuts off the TV. Homer: Lord help me, I'm just not that bright. Marge: Oh, Homer, don't say that. The way I see it, you raised three children who could knock out and hog-tie a perfect stranger, you must be doing <something> right. -- ``Some Enchanted Evening'' Homer thinks... ``Yeah!'' and the two kiss as Marge turns off the lights. Homer asks, ``Can we make up again?'' Responds Marge, ``Oh, my goodness!'' [End of Act Three. Time: 20:17]

Boring distribution restrictions

Episode summaries Copyright 1991--1992 by Raymond Chen.  Updated 1999 by Andrew
A. Gill.  Unattributed discrepancies between this and the previous revisions
are mine.  Penny Marshall hates Triangle Man.  They have a fight, Triangle
wins.  Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission.
(The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the
reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors. I'm just
taking credit for the compilation.)

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